Who: Jules and Carson When: mid-morning, Wednesday, July 4 Where: Mercy Status: Complete
Carson had been fretting over Jules’s accident since he’d found out about it. She hadn’t told him much yet through text or their mental connection, but he checked in on her a few times Tuesday and it seemed like she was ready for visitors. So as soon as he knew Mercy’s visiting hours had started, Carson made his way over to the hospital. It was a holiday and Main Street was shut down for the parade, but Carson didn’t much feel like celebrating anything. He was too worried.
He’d stopped by the grocery store to grab some coffee and donuts on the way over, sure that it would be tastier than anything the hospital was feeding her, and Carson impulsively grabbed a pretty balloon to go with it. It wasn’t until he was in the car again that he realized it said Happy Birthday on it. Oh well. He signed in at the desk and made his way to Jules’s hospital room, knocking lightly on the door before he pushed it open and stepped inside. “Jules?”
Jules knew it was the Fourth and while she was kind of bummed that she couldn't go out with her friends and have fun doing stupid stuff, she was also kind of okay with being holed up in the hospital. Sure, she was texting people here and there, but she still felt like shit and Jules didn't feel like faking a smile to try and avoid annoying questions. Besides, she was hoping Jasper would visit her today and she'd rather see him than be out in a crowd today.
Jules was scrolling through her Snapchat when Carson knocked on the door and as soon as she looked up to see him, she smiled and set her phone in her lap. "Hey." Jules waved him inside, trying not to feel apprehensive about his visit. She didn't want to hear I told you so when she definitely already knew how dumb she'd been. "I smell coffee."
She looked so petite and delicate in a hospital bed, Carson immediately wanted to scoop her up and carry her out of there. He still hated hospitals, after all of the trauma he’d been through. But it was probably the best place for her to be if she was hurt. At least she was awake and smiling. Carson managed a faint smile back as he walked further into the room. “Hey, yeah, I brought you some treats,” he said. Carson went to the rolling tray beside the bed and set down the coffees and the box of donuts. He flashed her a sheepish grin. “And uh, here. I know it’s not your birthday, but it was pretty and I’m a dumbass who can’t read, so ...” He found an out of the way spot to tie the balloon where she could see it.
Coffee and donuts sounded so good and Jules quickly pulled the box toward her to open it up and find the best donut inside. "This is awesome," she said, quickly picking up a glazed donut and taking a bite. Her gaze lifted to the balloon and sure enough, it said Happy Birthday. Gods, she hoped the nurses didn't come in and start singing to her or something. "Thanks... we can say it's a belated birthday balloon." Jules's 18th birthday sucked for a variety of reasons, so even though the balloon wasn't bought for that reason, it was still nice. "They brought me oatmeal and an apple this morning, so... yeah..." She held up the donut again. "This is best. I probably shouldn't be eating this kind of stuff when I can't work out or whatever. Oh well."
Carson made a dismissive noise and waved his hand as he took a seat in the chair next to her bedside. He really wanted to hug her, but her hands were full now and part of him was pretty terrified of hurting her by accident. So he just grabbed his own coffee and sat forward with one elbow on his knee. “Eat whatever you want, working out should be the last thing on your mind. How are you feeling?” he asked, his brow a bit furrowed as he looked her over. Her wrist was in a brace and she looked bruised up and tired, and it all made his chest hurt for her.
Jules expected that question and she shrugged instinctively in response. "I feel okay... better than the last couple of days. I mean, I still feel shitty, but... better." She paused and reached for her coffee, noticing the way he was looking at her. "Yeah, I'll be okay. It was just a dumb car accident." Maybe that was stupidly dismissive of what happened, but it was embarrassing and thinking about made every part of her body hurt all over again. Really thinking about how close she came to dying was something that her brain was doing a really good job of blocking.
He wasn’t sure he bought any of that casualness, or that it was just a dumb car accident. Ever since Jules had let him know that she was in the hospital, Carson had been obsessively thinking about the weird under-skin thing Nic had seen. The thing that Jules had also tried to shrug off to him, and he’d pretty much let her, hadn’t he? Fuck, he was a shitty brother surrogate. “Was that really all it was?” Carson murmured, sounding unconvinced. He really wished she wouldn’t lie to him, but he couldn’t really harass her into the truth when she was laid up in a hospital bed. He was relieved that she was on the mend, but still worried.
Jules sipped her coffee some more, avoiding Carson’s inquisitive gaze. She hated it when he asked her questions in that quiet tone, because it made her want to tell him the truth. She already felt stupid enough and she didn’t want him to look at her like she was a dumb kid. Which maybe she was. “It was a car accident that put me here,” she said finally, glancing at the door just to make sure no one was hovering. “But I guess I got infected by something in another place and it was fucking me up too. I wasn’t as fine as I thought I was when you came to visit me.” Jules picked idly at her donut with one hand. “The car accident probably saved my life, and Ethan too. But I’m fine now and I learned my lesson. All that stuff.”
Guilt lanced through Carson. He’d known she smelled off, and Nic had seen something strange, and Carson had just let her brush it all off. She’d reassured him that she was fine and there was nothing to worry about, and now here she was in the hospital. Carson had no idea what he could’ve done about it if she’d told him, how he could’ve helped her, but he would’ve tried, at least. He rubbed a hand over his face and huffed out a breath, shaking his head slowly. He couldn’t really be mad as her if she hadn’t known how bad it was, but it still made him feel fretty and guilty. “Infected like -- is that part over? They got rid of the infection?” he asked as he looked up at her again. “I knew something was wrong,” Carson added in a mutter. “Fuck ... I’m sorry, Jules.”
"Yeah, that part is over," Jules said, slouching a little against her bed. She didn't want Carson to apologize or feel guilty about anything. None of it was his fault. They couldn't always be sure of what was on the other side of a doorway and Jules would have probably fought Carson trying to help her anyway. "It's not your fault, even if you knew something was wrong. I knew something was wrong, I just didn't care. I just... need to be more careful about what I do." And she and Ethan needed to take a break from opening doorways for a while. Jules just wanted to get better and be normal again. She attempted a small smile for Carson, not wanting him to sink into bad feelings. "I'm really okay now. Unless me not being okay will keep you in town longer?" She was mostly teasing about that, but she definitely wanted Carson to stick around.
Carson might not have believed her if he couldn’t smell that the ‘infection’ was gone. All of the nasty hospital chemicals were strong in his nose, but he could tell that Jules was back to normal. It was a relief that she was okay, Carson just hated that it had been a close thing at all. And that he might have been able to do something to prevent it but he didn’t. He knew Jules wasn’t exactly his responsibility, but she did feel like a little sister to him, and he wanted to look out for her. “Well I’m in support of being more careful,” Carson murmured with a wan smile. He half-stood to reach for one of the donuts, then perched on the edge of Jules’s bed. He pinched off a piece of the pastry to pop into his mouth. “If you say you’re really okay, then ... okay. I wanna stick around for a little while anyway, just to, y’know, make sure.” He wrinkled his nose at her briefly, then scooted in a little closer and opened his arms slightly in offer of a hug.
Jules knew she was okay in the sense that Wilkes had done something to get rid of whatever had been living inside of her. She was okay in the sense that she survived the car accident and would eventually heal. Everything else, though... she really had no idea. Maybe she would be okay though. Jules sat up a bit to accept Carson's hug, happy that he planned to stay for a while longer. "Did you get to go to the carnival or anything?" she asked, once they pulled back from each other. "Are you at least having fun being home?" In her mind, Carson was more likely to stick around if he wasn't bored out of his mind.
Carson hugged her gently, mindful of her injured ribs. He wanted to cling to her a bit more, but he was also mindful of the fact that he wasn’t actually her brother, just an adult male friend of a technically teenage girl. Plus, she was hurt. So he focused on munching on the donut and sipping his coffee and counting blessings again that Jules was okay. “Yeah, we went a couple of times,” he answered. It had been kind of a weird-feeling place, but it had been fun, and he and Rylee hadn’t had any trouble there. They just couldn’t act like the couple they were, which felt like a pretty big sacrifice these days. “It was fun. It’s been good seeing everybody. Me and Vex are hanging out a lot. Family’s always happy to have me home. So ... yeah. How’s other things with you? Did you squeeze any fun in between traumas?” Carson smiled faintly.
She was honestly glad that Carson was having fun and seeing his friends and family. Maybe then he would realize how homesick he was and stay. It was purely selfish of her but Jules was too tired to feel guilty about that. She sipped some more of her coffee and nodded. "Yeah, I mean, sort of... I went to the carnival a couple of times too. I don't know if I can really label it fun. I did some pretty stupid stuff these past couple of weeks." Jules paused before adding, "Jasper wants to get back together. So I think maybe that's been the best part?"
Doing stupid stuff was all part of being that age, for everybody everywhere, Carson was pretty sure. Unfortunately for Jules, with her kind of power, it could have consequences like these. At least that was what he assumed she was referring to, since she didn’t give him any more details. The last bit made him raise his eyebrows sharply, unable to hide his surprise. “Oh yeah?” he asked, his tone a little cautious. Carson didn’t want to upset her, but when she’d told him about the breakup, it had sounded more long term than this. “Is that what you want too? Did you two ... talk everything out?”
Getting infected because of her recklessness was just one of many stupid things. But she didn't feel like listing them off for Carson. Jules figured it was good enough that she could admit the stupidity to herself. Another sip of coffee helped her think about how to answer his question and when she set the cup back on the bed tray, Jules straightened a bit, not wanting to look or sound wishy washy, because she wasn't. "Yeah, I mean, it's what I've been wanting since we broke up. We didn't really talk about anything... not yet. I don't know." Jules did sound wishy washy and she grimaced. "I'm just afraid that him wanting me back is reactionary to this." She gestured to the hospital room. "I'm scared that I'll go home and get better and then he'll change his mind again."
Carson wasn’t taking it as Jules being wishy-washy. He just knew that she’d made it sound like a fairly sensitive situation, and it didn’t seem like they’d really worked out any core issues yet. Carson couldn’t help but think that this sudden reunion was a reaction to Jules’s accident. Which didn’t necessarily make it insincere -- almost losing someone you loved did tend to shift priorities around -- but he thought they were going to really struggle if they didn’t communicate. “Maybe you should tell him that?” he suggested gently, raising an eyebrow. “And I mean ... just take your time and be careful, okay? The fact that this spooked him says to me that he really cares about you, but if he’s still like, wrestling with his sexuality ...” Carson trailed off and gave a helpless shrug and a wan smile. “Just take care of yourself. And get rested and healed up before you make any big decisions. ... that’s my dumb old guy advice anyway.”
Jules would tell Jasper what she was afraid of, but what if he got annoyed or irritated with her? What if he agreed with her and left again? For all she knew, he was regretting it already. The heaviness in her chest was coming back and Jules distracted herself by picking at one of the donuts. "So you think getting back together is a bad idea?" she asked after a moment. "I mean, I'm not asking you to tell me what to do but... what would you do?"
He felt bad as he watched her expression. The last thing Carson wanted to do was upset her. But he’d never really been great at hiding his feelings about things, and he was worried for Jules. She was already hurt enough, and he knew from personal experience that teenage boys weren’t the most considerate people in the world. He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly through his lips before he answered. “I would just ... try to be real honest about what I wanted, with him and myself,” he said. “And urge him to do the same. I’m not saying it’s a bad idea, I can’t really know that. I hope it’s not, I just want it to be good for you, you know? You deserve to be loved how you want to be loved.”
Jules wasn't really upset. Just tired. The last few weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotion and every time she thought the ride was just about over, it started up again. She knew Carson had a point but she was terrified that what she wanted and what Jasper wanted just didn't align anymore. It used to, but now she just didn't know. Not wanting Carson to think she was upset, Jules gave him a small smile. "I don't know if anyone can love me the way I want right now. We're all dealing with our own bullshit, you know? I just don't want to feel alone."
Carson almost wanted to give her a quippy ‘welcome to adulthood’ or something, but that was never helpful, and the circumstances she was living under were pretty extraordinary. Instead he gave her a gentle smile back and reached out to briefly catch her hand and squeeze it. “You’re not. I know it’s not the same as having someone in your life romantically, but ... you’re not alone.” God knew that without Rylee he would be a total mess, so Carson knew that was kind of cold comfort when you were lonely, but it was all he could really offer her at the moment. “I’m here for you, anytime you need me, especially right now when I can show up in the flesh. And you know, he mostly knows me as a werewolf, so ... if he acts like a dick and you need me to go set him straight, I will. Big brother style.” He gave her a little grin to show he was only half serious.
He was right. She had him and Ethan. She had Jasper too, it was just... in a different way. Even if they weren't together, Jules knew she could always go to him if she needed to and vice versa, even if it was hard. Carson's playful threat made Jules smile, even if it reminded her of the last time Jasper saw Carson as a werewolf. That had been a horrible, scary night. "If he acts like a dick, I'll just kick him in the dick," she said simply, though she knew that wouldn't really happen. Well, maybe, but only if he was a major asshole, and she couldn't see Jasper ever acting that way towards her. Not when he was in his right mind anyway. Sometimes she still thought about the way he wrapped his hand around her neck the night of the winter formal. It hadn't really been Jasper, but it was hard to completely scrub out those moments. "I'm glad you're here," she added, softly now. "Are you okay? Like... with the werewolf stuff and everything?"
Carson hadn’t seen Jasper a lot in the other place, since neither of them stayed in Juniper for very long stretches of time, but they’d crossed paths in their wandering here and there. He hadn’t been able to communicate much of anything in that form, except to Vex. Every time he remembered seeing Jasper, the kid had given them a wide berth. Carson couldn’t blame him. Any setting-straight done for Jules would definitely be in his human form, with words. Not that she needed him to protect her in that way, but he would do it if she wanted. Her threat made him laugh, which was quickly followed by a warm feeling when she asked how he was. “Yeah, I’m doing fine,” Carson said with a smile. “Found out that I still need to be caged on the full moon ... but having control over it at all other times is pretty awesome, actually. And all the other physical stuff ... I’m pretty used to it all now. My sense of smell can still be overwhelming, but it’s getting easier to handle. Everybody ... seems like everybody came back with something different about them. Vex has been talking to a lot of them.”
Jules furrowed her brows thoughtfully. "Jasper too..." Had she already told Carson about that? The last couple of weeks were so blurry in her memory. "He can find people and things, I think. Like... just know where they are. He found some girl in another place... like a place I had to open for them to get to her. He couldn't do that before he went over there. You should talk to him." She had no idea if he would be comfortable with that, but if it meant something, Jasper needed to know. "Do you think it's permanent? Or dangerous?"
Jules had not told Carson any specifics about Jasper, but he wasn’t surprised to hear that he had a Thing too. That place seemed to have affected them all in different but powerful ways. His brows lifted as Jules described what happened, and he tucked that knowledge away for later. It sounded incredibly handy, if the teenage boy would be cooperative about it. “I wish I knew,” Carson answered Jules with a rueful smile. “I mean, for me, I hope it’s permanent. It’s better for me to have this level of control, you know? But like, some of the others I’ve heard about sound not so great. One of the ladies keeps seeing random people’s deaths, Ty Solomon can’t feel pain anymore ... it’s a mixed bag. Glad Jasper got something useful. But yeah I’ll try to talk to him, if you think he’d talk to me.”
Jules was about to ask why Jasper wouldn't talk to Carson but then she remembered the whole werewolf thing. Some of it sounded really awful though - seeing death? No pain? Jules was suddenly grateful that Jasper had something useful happening instead of something that would probably make him more miserable. "I... guess I don't know for sure if he would. But I can ask him. I don't think he'd be afraid of you or anything. He knows you were just protecting me. It might make him feel better to know you're all in the same boat, I guess. Maybe he'd feel like he has people he can talk to."
Carson nodded a bit. “That’s important,” he said. Since he’d accumulated plenty of trauma earlier in his life, he knew how vital a support system was. He didn’t know the background of everybody who’d been over there with him, but he hoped none of them had been through the kind of shit he had, especially the younger ones. “Let him know I’m here if he wants to talk ... he’ll be able to find me.” Carson gave a lopsided smile, then recalled something to add. “Oh, and his friend too, the girl your age. Melody?” He squinted one eye, sure that wasn’t right, but he couldn’t quite recall her name. It wasn’t like many people had tried to talk to him over there as a giant scary wolf, and the girl and Jasper had spent a lot of time out wandering around like he and Vex had.
It was important. And she wanted Jasper to have people around he could talk to about what he was going through if he couldn't talk to Jules, or he didn't think she would understand. Would he talk to Carson? Maybe, especially if he knew the others were going through similar changes. The mention of Melody - Elodie - instinctively made Jules wrinkle her nose, but she realized that Elodie had helped keep Jasper sane Over There so she couldn't exactly hate the girl. "Elodie," she corrected with a small smile. "I'll tell her too. Or tell him to tell her. I don't... remember if Jasper told me she's got something going on too. The last couple of weeks are kind of fuzzy here and there." Jules paused. "You guys are like those... superhero things. X-Men? I don't know any of their names. But you know what I mean."
Carson nodded gratefully and then laughed at the phrase ‘superhero things.’ “X-Men are one of the groups of superheroes, yeah,” he confirmed with a grin. “I used to read the fuck out of those growing up, I loved comics.” The comparison was kind of flattering, but Carson didn’t feel much like a hero. At this point he was just relieved to know he wasn’t an accidental vicious killer. The conversation he’d had with Jared had taken such a huge weight off of him, he’d hardly realized just how much guilt he’d been carrying about Sadie’s death. “But if we are, then you’re one too, you know,” he said, nodding toward Jules’s hands. “What you can do is fucking incredible, and you came by it naturally, so ... pick a cool superhero name for yourself.”
Jules never picked up a comic book in her life. And she had only seen a few of the movies thanks to boyfriends who wanted her to watch them at the time. "I don't know if it came naturally or my dad did something to make it happen." She shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed at Carson's compliment. Especially when she had already caused people a lot of pain due to her ability. She couldn't deny that it was incredible though. The side effects and potential consequences of it just sucked. "I would look good in tights though. I don't know. I'll think of a cool name. But you have to have one too. Something better than like... Wolf Man."
He laughed and resisted the impulse to agree that Jules would look good in tights. It was true but he didn’t need to say it. “Yeah, we can definitely improve on Wolf Man,” Carson agreed with a grin. He didn’t have a great imagination for stuff like that, but maybe Rylee could help him workshop some hero names. “I feel hairy enough as it is.” He wasn’t just blowing smoke up Jules’s ass, he truly thought her ability was incredible. Brain-breakingly amazing, really, Carson still wasn’t sure he had wrapped his mind around the big implications of what Jules could do. Pondering the nature of alternate dimensions tended to make his head spin. She’d done what she’d had to do, and she was still so young, who knew what kind of things she could make happen in the future. “Just don’t mention it to the others, I don’t even want to imagine Neil in tights,” he added.
She was not very good at making up superhero names at all, mostly because she had no idea what most superheroes were named beyond the obvious ones like Batman. Which still seemed kind of lazy to her. Jules could admit that what she could do was pretty amazing and sometimes she was really proud of it. Other times, she saw it more like a curse, especially considering what had happened to Carson and Jasper and the others... and then getting herself and Ethan infected with something that nearly killed them. The mention of Neil in tights drew another nose wrinkle from Jules. "I don't even want to think about Neil, let alone in tights. Ew. His superhero name would be Stick up his Assman."
That got a belly laugh out of Carson, and maybe it was cheap and easy to laugh at Neil, especially when he wasn’t there, but it was kind of fun anyway. It wasn’t like he was a super nice guy. What he didn’t overhear wouldn’t hurt him. “Sorry, sorry,” he said, still snickering a bit. Carson swiped at his eyes and cleared his throat, trying to banish his mental picture of how awkward and self conscious Neil would be in spandex. So much tugging and squirming. “Ugh, that’ll haunt me forever.” Carson tittered again and then tried to focus. “So when do you get to bust out of this place?”
Jules didn't really feel bad being mean about Neil because he deserved it. Neil was an asshole so she wasn't going to feel bad about saying things about him. Pfft on that guy. Still, she liked that she could make Carson smile and Jules chuckled herself after sipping more of her coffee. "I get to go home Thursday, assuming they don't find anything weird in my blood work or whatever. But I'm pretty sure whatever was in me is gone. I want my own bed... and my bathtub and my comfortable pajamas. And to sleep without people coming in every couple of hours to poke and prod." Jules rolled her eyes. "I might have a party in a couple of weeks, just to feel normal again. I'd invite you but I doubt you wanna hang out with a bunch of people my age."
That was only one more night in the hospital, hopefully, and Carson was relieved for her. He nodded his deep understanding of her hospital complaints. It had been years since he’d been in one of these as a long term patient, but Carson remembered enough of the discomfort and shittiness very well. At least Jules was leaving with all of her limbs intact. “I spent a long-ass time in one of these,” he told her as he thumped the bottom of the bed with his prosthetic. “It’s not fun. So fingers crossed that they’ll send you home tomorrow. As for the party, I appreciate it, but I don’t wanna bring my ‘creepy uncle’ vibe and make it weird for you.” Carson gave her a warm smile. “You and me are definitely going out for donuts or something once you feel up to it, though.”
Jules laughed. "Oh my god, you don't give off creepy uncle vibes at all. You'd be like... hot, older brother vibes. But it's better you don't come because all my friends would be trying to do gross things, so... yeah." She shook her head and reached out to pick a piece of donut again, still hungry for the sugar. "But like, let's do something other than donuts so I don't get fat okay? I've already been stuck in here for a few days." Jules was used to being able to go jogging or exercising and stuff and she felt kind of gross not being able to do that lately. Not to mention all the Moxie's she'd been eating.
Carson realized he’d said donuts when they still had some in front of them, and he had to laugh about it. Maybe he was just hungry. But taking Jules out for various kinds of food seemed a little safer and more acceptable than some other stuff they could do together. It was so funny that being at a party surrounded by girls drooling over him would have been his dream come true at Jules’s age, now just the idea made him uncomfortable. He really only wanted Rylee to want him, these days. “You know I’m a personal trainer, right?” he pointed out with a little grin. “If you put on some pounds you don’t want, I can help with that. ... but yeah, I guess stuffing you full of donuts ain’t the best place to start.” He chuckled. “So we’ll figure it out. You just concentrate on resting, yeah? Let your body heal, don’t starve yourself either, you need calories right now.”
Jules's brows lifted because had totally forgotten that he was a trainer. "Oh, that's right! Yeah... like, if you stay, we should go running in the mornings and stuff. I haven't been working out the way I used to when I was a cheerleader. I should probably get back into it." She still had a flat stomach and nice body but Jules didn't want to get lazy. She idly picked another piece of the donut off to pop into her mouth. "Can I ask you something though? Like... personal." No, Jules didn't want to dump all her boring love life problems on Carson, but he was older and had experience and maybe he would give her different advice than what she'd gotten already.
He knew that was a huge if, but Carson wasn’t going to burst Jules’s bubble about him staying. So much of it depended on Rylee, and he knew how much she hated being back here. But until it was time to go, he could definitely enjoy some runs with his quasi little sister. Once her body had healed enough for it, that was, she probably didn’t want to be bouncing around just yet. It was his turn to raise his eyebrows as she changed the subject, and Carson turned toward her a bit more. “Of course, yeah,” he said.
Jules procrastinated by eating another piece of donut, wondering if Carson would just think she's being an overdramatic teenager. He probably didn't want to hear all of her silly angst but she didn't really have any close friends to talk to other than Ethan and he was part of the issue. Plus, she couldn't really talk to him about Jasper because there was dislike there, on both sides, so she was kind of stuck. "I just... you know, like... slutty summer? Like... so I kind of did that? Except one guy was someone Jasper hates and the other... was a guy who was... Jasper's friend's boyfriend." It made her feel less guilty if she said that other than her friend's boyfriend. It sounded complicated though, even as she spoke. "I just don't know if I should tell Jasper or just leave it alone. I don't want it exploding in my face."
Teenagers were dramatic by nature, so Carson didn’t have that as a judgment in his head. He listened, one brow lifting a bit that Jules had slept with someone’s boyfriend. Two guys wasn’t exactly a slutty summer in his mind, but she was still young and had managed to make a Bad Decision even with just the two. Now was the time in her life for bad decisions though, and Carson had made similar ones himself, a lot of people had. He winced a little at the idea of telling Jasper, since that did sound like a recipe for disaster. “You two were broken up, right? So he could do some exploring in the first place? So I would say it’s not his business, don’t share if you don’t want to share.” Carson paused, vividly remembering what it was like to be an eighteen year old boy, and he wrinkled his nose a bit. “Is he the jealous type?”
They were broken up, but did that mean Jasper wouldn't be upset? Jules didn't exactly like that she knew about him and Logan. But... they were broken up so it wasn't like she could be mad about it. She nodded along with Carson before scrunching up her nose in response to his question. "I mean, maybe... I think he used to be. I don't know anymore. He doesn't like Ethan, my friend. I just don't want to tell him anything, but I also don't want to feel like I'm doing something wrong if I don't, you know? Like, if he somehow finds out, he'll get mad because I didn't tell him. I just don't want to screw everything up before it even has a chance to get better."
“Yeah ... it’s a shitty position to be in,” Carson murmured. He wasn’t without sympathy for her, even though these weren’t the most emotionally mature problems to have. Jules was still just a kid in some ways. “Are you worried he’ll be mad that you slept with somebody else, or mad about your choice of dudes?” he asked. It sounded like it would be easy for Jasper to take these two guys in particular personally, and Carson had to wonder a little if Jules’s subconscious had done that on purpose. He wasn’t there to pick her brain apart, though. He just wanted to make sure she would be safe. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’d be wrong not to tell him. And if he tried to make you feel that way, he’s in the wrong.”
Jules shrugged. "Maybe both? I don't know. Probably more the choice of who...I mean, if he is messing around with other people, I don't know why he'd be mad that I did it too, right? I don't know. Maybe I'm like, overthinking everything. It's not like he's going to ask. I just feel a little guilty and I'm trying not to." It hadn't been cheating, but it kind of felt that way sometimes. Jules smiled quickly, not wanting to sink the visit with all of her stupid problems. "Love is really stupid sometimes. It feels like it should be easy, but it really isn't."
Carson gave her a gently warm smile at the last part. “It’s good you’re learning that now, probably,” he said. “Because it really can be stupid, yeah. And most people don’t talk about that part. It’s also not logical or rational, so ... yeah you’re probably overthinking a lot. Sometimes shit people do just doesn’t make sense, even yourself. You gotta have some compassion for that -- especially for yourself.” He gently patted her shin through the blanket, then stood up to stretch a bit and dispose of his empty coffee cup. “It sucks and it hurts, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it, ‘cause there’s nothing else like those highs.” Carson paused, then added, “As long as you’re not being abused, of course. Like I mean normal relationship highs and lows.”
Jules nodded, because she knew what he meant. "Definitely not being abused. I'd kick anyone's ass who tried that." She stuck out her tongue briefly. "Sometimes I'm like... I want to leave Point Pleasant and like... travel. Visit places. I mean, you left here and felt better, right? Like you're happier in Virginia? That's kind of what I want. There're so many bad things here..." Jules trailed off, thinking that she was probably one of those bad things. There were probably people in town who would agree. But it felt like if she just put Point Pleasant in the rear view, she could escape all the things that made her feel bad.
It was kind of funny to see a petite girl in a hospital bed claim she could kick anyone’s ass, but Carson resisted the urge to laugh. He had no doubt that Jules could pack a wallop if she really put her mind to it. Or she could open up a portal and send them packing to some other hellscape. Carson tried not to think about that option too much. He’d had a lot of practice at dividing his PTSD reactions from what he truly thought, but the idea still set his heart beating harder. He tilted his head back and forth a bit as he tried to come up with a response that didn’t give away the big reason why he was so much happier in Virginia -- Rylee. “I definitely understand that wanderlust,” he said. “That was part of why I signed up with the Marines, to get away from here. And it can help in the short term, just don’t expect it to fix everything. You’re still you, no matter where you go. There’s bad shit everywhere, but ... yeah, it’s a pretty high concentration here.” He huffed a humorless little laugh.
Jules didn't want to sign up for the army, but she had to admit it had some appeal in that it would take her away from this place for a good long time. She also knew that she'd probably be homesick within a few weeks, so it was probably better not to do anything too impulsive. "Do you think there's bad shit on some island out in the ocean?" she asked with a grin. "Or some cabin in the middle of nowhere in one of the Dakotas?" Isolation really sucked, but she supposed it worked for people trying to escape the bad shit. Jules would never be able to do it, but that didn't mean it didn't appeal every now and then.
Carson wrinkled his nose at her second suggestion. “Too many conservative rednecks in the Dakotas, so hard pass on that one if you ask me,” he said. “That’s bad mojo all by itself. If you’re looking to escape to an island, make sure it’s a tropical one.” He gave Jules a lopsided smile. “But knowing our luck, you might end up on an island like that one in Lost -- did you ever watch that show? Am I showing my age now?” Carson laughed sheepishly. He wasn’t that old and he knew it, but there was no quicker way to feel ancient than talking to a teenager. Carson wished things were going better for Jules, so she didn’t have that desire to run away and hide, but that was just part of a normal human life, he was pretty sure.
Jules raised a brow, but smiled. "I never watched Lost." She didn't really watch a lot of tv unless it was while she was lounging around with someone. "But I remember what it was about. Maybe I'll just stay here and hope for the best. Point Pleasant feels like an island sometimes, you know?" Right now she didn't mind it so much. Carson coming to visit had made her feel ten times better and she still secretly hoped he would decide to stay. It probably wouldn't happen now that he had another life in Virginia, but Jules was feeling selfish enough to hope he realized he would rather stay around family and stuff than to leave again.
He gave a snorty little laugh and nodded. “An island of crazy in a sea of sanity?” he suggested lightly. Carson supposed there was plenty of crazy in the rest of the world too, it just looked different here in Point Pleasant. More like a horror movie. It seemed that he would need to come back every month anyway, until he figured out another way to deal with his moon shifting. Maybe he belonged in Point Pleasant, as something out of a horror movie himself. “You do whatever you want to do with your life,” Carson told her. “You gotta hope for the best anywhere you go. I’m here for a while yet, but I still say you should come visit me in Virginia sometime soon. See the beach.” He smiled at her and moved in to give her another gentle hug. “Let me know when they let you outta here, okay? Or even if you just want me to bring more coffee.”
It was really hard to imagine life outside of Point Pleasant. She kept thinking it would be super normal and fun and not at all full of scary stuff. But Carson was right... every place had its bad moments. At least here she was near people she cared about and who cared about her. Jules returned his hug, ignoring the slight discomfort in her ribs when she lifted her arms. It was hard to promise to visit him in Virginia because she wanted him to stay here but he was here now so that was good enough. "I think Thursday but I'll definitely text for coffee if I need it, or I guess... like... brain text you. Thanks for visiting and stuff. It gets really boring here without company."
That was only the next day, so Carson hoped she was right. He knew how hospitals could be, sometimes they decided they had to keep you longer for whatever reason ... though the reasons were generally bad. So he hoped Jules would be in her own bed the next night, for sure. “If you get bored, just hit me up and I’ll sing to you,” Carson offered, tapping his temple with a little grin. That might be more punishment than distraction, but maybe he could tell her some jokes or read stuff to her in his brain or something else like that. Having a telepathic connection with someone made keeping them company ridiculously convenient. “Let me know how it goes and try to get some rest, yeah?” he added as he headed for the door.
Jules offered a small smile and nodded. "I will, thanks." She was hoping Jasper would come see her soon so maybe she would avoid being bored all day. She liked it when he was there, even if they were just laying in the hospital bed watching tv together. It was everything she had missed with Jasper so yes, she was a little eager to see him again, even when she looked like total crap. But she was still happy Carson had come by and hopefully she would get to hang out with him again outside of this dumb place.