Ethan Woods (lockingdoors) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2022-08-18 16:18:00 |
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Entry tags: | #july 2018, ethan, ethan x jules, jules |
Who: Jules and Ethan
When: Early Morning, Tuesday, July 3rd
Where: Hospital
Status: Complete
It was stupidly early when Jules slipped out of her bed. It still hurt to walk so she caved and used the dumbass wheelchair the nurse had left by her bed so she could get to the bathroom. Her feet worked fine… it was the rest of her that hurt. It was difficult to get the chair moving with her wrist in a cast, but she managed.
The hallway was quiet, considering the hour, though she could hear some nurses around the corner talking. Ethan’s room was next to hers so it didn’t take her long to get to his door. They hadn’t seen each other much at all and she hadn’t been able to talk to him alone so this felt like a good time just to be able to say hi and make sure he was okay.
Pushing open the door with one hand, she peered inside and saw him in his bed. “Ethan?” she whispered, though she tried to do it loud enough that he could hear her. “Are you awake?”
People often said they felt like they’d been hit by a car when they were sore and aching. Ethan now knew that that was pure bullshit. He’d never hurt like this in his life. Granted, he’d had more going on than just a car accident, but he was pretty sure that was to blame for the majority of his injuries. The black smoke slugs hadn’t given him a concussion… technically. He wasn’t sure he’d have gotten one without them. But without the concussion, he and Jules might have just died quietly in his bedroom, so maybe it was a godsend. It hurt his head to think about it, but he couldn’t turn off his brain.
Ethan’s eyes were shut when he heard the door open, but they opened when he heard Jules’s voice. “Yeah, I’m up,” he said, cringing as he pulled himself up onto his elbows. He struggled to move into a sitting position for about five seconds before he remembered that hospital beds had buttons for that. “Oh shit,” he muttered, seeing her in the wheelchair. “Can you walk?” He was never going to forgive himself if she couldn’t.
He looked as terrible as she felt and Jules struggled for a moment before getting the wheelchair to move into his room. "I can walk," she said quickly. "Just some messed up rubs... makes it hurt to walk." She got to his bedside and stopped with a sigh. "I just wanted to see you and make sure you were okay too. They told me you were, but... I wanted to see it for myself. How are you feeling?" They had gotten really lucky and Jules was more than aware of it. If it hadn't been for the accident, she had no idea what might have happened. A broken wrist and fractured ribs was probably a small price to pay for being alive.
Ethan released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding when she said she could walk. He knew there could be more damage he couldn’t see, but that felt like the biggest, seeing as how she was alive and still had all her limbs. “I feel like shit,” he said, a little laugh escaping him that hurt more than it should for something so small. “But, we’re alive, so… I’m aware it could be worse.” The amount of time he’d spent thinking about it made him sick. While they’d told him she was okay, it was so much better to see her in person and confirm it himself. “Ribs are bad. Concussion. Somehow twisted my ankle, but… we’re lucky.”
It could have definitely been worse. Now that her mind was clear, Jules couldn't believe she had just ignored the fact that there had been some kind of bug living inside of her. Bugs. Thinking about it now made her want to throw up, but at the time, she hadn't care. It had clearly affected her mind as much as her body. "My mom said if we hadn't come to the hospital the night of the accident, we'd probably have died..." Jules trailed off, wondering just how much Ethan knew about what had happened to them both. "I guess whatever infected us... it was killing us. It just made sure we felt really good while it was doing it."
“My mom said the same thing,” Ethan said. “And if my uncle hadn’t been here, I’m don’t think the doctors here would’ve known what to do with us.” That was a stroke of luck that Ethan didn’t quite understand, but couldn’t question too thoroughly. Wilkes had saved their lives. Who was he to ask how he’d known what he did? “I’m sure I’ll get an epic tongue lashing the next time I see him. Not looking forward to that,” he muttered. On the plus side, his uncle had all kinds of experiments to run on the things that had been inside of them. It turned his stomach to think about. There was so much wrong with the past week, but the biggest was him absolutely ignoring the parasite feeding off him.
Jules knew it could have been bad. Really bad. She and Ethan could be dead now. Either from the parasite, or the car accident. It was scary to think how close they'd come. "Tongue lashings is better than being dead," Jules pointed out with a faint smile. "I just... I don't remember a whole lot. Just how much I didn't care about stuff I was doing. Like, if I wanted to do it, I did it. It was stupid." She swallowed hard, thinking about her behavior. "Maybe we should stop opening doors for a while. It feels like there's always something bad hiding in them, no matter how nice they seem. I don't want you get hurt again."
“Oh, I remember,” Ethan muttered. It wasn’t all perfectly clear and the timeline was completely whacked, but it was there, bouncing around in his head. Thinking about it was painful, a chore he didn’t want to take on, but he knew his actions had consequences, even if he hadn’t been entirely himself while taking them. “I know things are fucked up now. I just… don’t really know how bad it is.” He knew things were probably over with Scarlett, and Jules… he had no idea where he stood. That she was visiting him was a good sign. He valued her friendship over everything else. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t want you to get hurt either. And I know they’re not all bad, but I’d rather not risk it.” Not right now. Maybe in the future, if they could learn to take the right precautions. Ethan couldn’t stand the idea of giving it up entirely, but she hadn’t said forever. Just for now.
Jules scooted in a little closer to Ethan's bed so she could reach out and take his hand. She felt guilty, because if she hadn't made Ethan go out with her to the Fallows, if she hadn't been so desperate to disappear into another world and forget Jasper, they wouldn't have been infected with those things and they wouldn't be here. They could've died and it would have been her fault. "I'm really sorry," she whispered after a moment. "It was my idea to go there and try opening a new door and... I'm going to tell your uncle that too. I don't want you to get in trouble for something I wanted to do."
“No, Jules,” Ethan said, giving her hand a little squeeze. “Just because it was your idea this time doesn’t mean you should take the blame. It could just as easily been me. You didn’t twist my arm or anything. There’s nothing to be sorry for.” If it hadn’t been for Jules’s negative experiences with other worlds, Ethan probably would have pushed them to visit them more often. As it was, he’d encouraged it as often as he felt possible, even when he knew the danger behind it. There was no reason for her to shoulder the blame for what happened to them when he was just as guilty. “Honestly, I’m glad we’re both alive to even get in trouble for it.”
"Yeah, me too." Jules sighed and wished she didn't feel so tired. She wished she were home in bed instead of this place. Hospitals always weirded her out, especially Mercy. Maybe she ought to just flip off the guilt switch, but it was hard. It was like Greg was right and she was dangerous. What if the things Over There slipped out into their world? It had happened once and she was just throwing caution to the wind because her heart had been broken? For a second, Jules considered telling Ethan that Jasper came to see her, but... it didn't feel like the right time. Not while he was laying there as banged up as she was. "Did they tell you how long you had to stay for? My mom mentioned going home Thursday but... I mean, that seems like a long time to be here, right? Do you think there's something more wrong with us? Has your uncle said anything?"
“I don’t know,” Ethan admitted. “I’ve heard Thursday too, but my uncle wants me to come by AIR after that so they can run some tests.” He wasn’t very enthusiastic about it, but he couldn’t argue with it either. And his mother wasn’t ready to let him go back to his apartment and live by himself. He just hoped he wasn’t stuck at AIR for too long. He didn’t really enjoy being experimented on, but at least Jules wasn’t being dragged into it. “I don’t really feel up for much right now, but I’m kinda eager to get back in my own bed. Now’s probably a good time to binge anything we’ve been wanting to watch.” He doubted he’d be doing much of anything until his body recovered from the trauma.
Jules winced, wondering if Dr. Wilkes would want her to go to the facility with Ethan. If so, how long would they have to be there? She really just wanted to go home and put this all behind her. "We'll pick a show with a lot of seasons," she said with a small smile. "It's just been a really weird week... week and a half... something like that. Like, we had actual... worms in us, and we didn't care. I mean, it felt really, didn't it?" Jules sighed. "Why can't anything just be straight forward? Why is there always a downside to everything?"
It was hard for Ethan to believe it had been a week and a half since they’d opened the portal to where the smoke creatures were. So much had happened, but it felt like a blur, the memories all running together, like it had been one or two long running days. “I lost track of time,” he said. “I mean, I didn’t really care about anything—work, school, people—and that included the worms. It’s pretty fuckin’ crazy, now that i think of it. But I felt good.” He knew now that that was the worm’s doing, but it still felt insane. All the emotions that had been muted at the time were now back in full force as he had to face the repercussions of his actions. It made him long for the high in a way that he knew was truly fucked up. “Why is there a downside to alien bugs in our body?” he asked in answer to her question, a little smile tugging at his lips. “We should probably stick to pot. The downsides are a bit less lethal.”
Jules couldn't help but smile at his response, even though it made her sore lip hurt again. Alien bugs. So gross. What was she thinking? Nothing, apparently. "Let's stick to pot," she agreed with a slow nod. "Definitely." Should they talk about the other stuff? Like having sex in the back of her car? After talking to Jasper, Jules had no idea how to broach the subject with Ethan. It hadn't seemed to change their friendship, but it wasn't like they had been themselves after. Jules didn't regret it, but she was at a loss as to how to deal with it. Maybe when they were out of the hospital and feeling better. "We're okay now... after we leave here, can we agree never to say the words alien bugs ever again?"
It was so good to see her smile, to know that she was still capable of it so soon after everything they’d gone through. She’d been almost all he’d thought of since he woke up, first fearing that she was dead, then afraid that she’d want nothing to do with him. He’d complicated her life and almost taken it from her, even by accident. He knew now that he shouldn’t have been driving, but at the time it hadn’t even occurred to him. It was worse than being drunk, but he knew he was still responsible for his actions—all of them. He didn’t know what to think about what they’d done while they were high. Even if he’d do it again, had even been planning to if they’d gotten back to his apartment, he didn’t think she felt the same. But who could tell? It felt wrong to bring it up. “We’re okay,” he agreed, giving her hand another little squeeze. “No more alien bugs, I swear. Just weed and maybe a whole lot of liquor,” he said with a little laugh that made him cringe and reach for his ribs. “I’m kind of over carnivals, too.”
Everything was complicated but Jules didn't blame anyone for it. At least no more than she blamed herself. They hadn't asked for any of this, after all. And as adult as she felt, Jules was still only eighteen, trying to figure herself out. She had gone through a lot in the past year, but so had almost everyone else she knew. "Mom told me the carnival was gone, so I guess you don't have to worry about any of those for awhile. I don't even know if I want to smoke weed for a bit either. I kind of like having my head clear again. Or at least, I will like it once all the headaches go away." Their bodies would heal from the accident, and the worms, and then things would be okay again. Maybe. "Are you going to go back to your apartment after they let you go from here? Do you think you'll be okay living by yourself?" Jules didn't like the thought of Ethan living alone while he was still healing from everything. She would at least have her mom around.
“I dunno. I guess so. The alternative is going home and… I don’t want to be that far.” From you. Ethan didn’t want to be that specific, but it ran through his mind. Jules was the only thing keeping him in Point Pleasant, aside from the AIR facility. All his friends were technically her friends, except maybe the girl he’d met at the party. And Scarlett had probably told all her friends about him by now. Ethan tried not to dwell on how badly he’d fucked things up, but it was easy to feel dragged down by them. What little balance he’d found in Point Pleasant had been thrown off kilter and he wasn’t sure how to get it back. “I’m probably just going to be sleeping a lot. You’re welcome to come over and hang out, if you need a change of scenery.”
Jules felt the same as Ethan... aware that she had messed up pretty bad, but not entirely sure how to fix it, if it could even be fixed. It felt dumb to use her state of mind as an excuse. I wasn't myself seemed to be a battlecry for all the bullshit in Point Pleasant and even if that were true, she still felt the weight of guilt on her shoulders. Probably because she knew deep down that some of her actions had been spurred on by feeling lonely and insecure and she was enough of a mess to take whatever validation she could, no matter who it might hurt. "I'll do that," she said with a small smile. "Assuming my mom lets me out of her sight once I'm home. I can tell she's holding in her urge to yell at me until she knows I'm not going to die."
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure mine doesn’t want to make a scene here, which means she’ll lay into me as soon as we leave.” Ethan knew he’d scared his mom beyond anything she’d ever had to deal with. There’d been talk of him having “powers” his whole life, but it had only felt real in the last six or seven months, and even then she’d never seen him use them. He’d assured her they were safe, but now she probably knew otherwise. It all depended on what his uncle had told her, which Ethan assumed was everything. He kind of hoped not, since he was no longer a minor, but he couldn’t see a reason why he might keep it from her. “Have you talked to anyone else?” he asked hesitantly. “I don’t even have my phone.”
Ethan's mom sounded like her own. Margaret Cooper wouldn't want to yell at Jules in public. Best to wait until they were home. Jules figured it had more to do with worry than anger, but it was what it was. She smiled faintly at his question, scratching her arm absently. Sometimes it felt like those things were still inside of her, even though she had been assured that they weren't. "Yeah. A couple of my friends have come to see me, or texted." Jules hesitated before adding, "Jasper came by yesterday and stayed for a while. That girl we helped them get to... Rebecca? I guess she's home now and doing good, so... there's that."
Ethan almost asked if Jules had talked to Scarlett, if she’d told her anything about what happened, but mention of Jasper drew his attention and held his tongue. Jules had become his best friend over the past few months and they seemed comfortable talking about almost everything, except Jasper. Ethan tended to keep his opinions to himself when it came to her exboyfriend, certain that they wouldn’t be welcome no matter how she was feeling about him at the moment. It shouldn’t have surprised him to hear that Jasper had come by, but it did, and it made him wonder about the state of their relationship. It was none of his business though. “I’d kinda forgotten about that,” he said. “I’m glad she’s okay, that we were able to help.”
"Yeah." Jules fell silent before sighing softly. "Jasper wants to get back together." She knew Ethan hadn't asked and he probably wouldn't have, but things felt weird and confusing. Jules couldn't just ignore the fact that she and Ethan had slept together and she didn't want Ethan to think that's what she was trying to do. They had done it while being under the influence of... well, whatever it was they'd breathed in at the Fallows, but Jules knew it hadn't been all outside influence. She was just afraid it would ruin their friendship now... or ruin her relationship with Jasper, if he found out. Jules knew it was probably the last thing she ought to be worrying about right now, considering where she was and what had happened, but it was hard to push it aside.
Ethan slowly deflated, exhaling all the air from his lungs until he felt empty. He was sure he continued to breathe after that, but the cavern in his chest remained hollow. “That’s… good?” he asked softly. “It’s what you’ve wanted.” She hadn’t said so, but Ethan doubted she’d changed that much over the last couple of weeks. He’d watched her mourn Jasper for months and when she’d just started to seem lighter, like the weight that she carried around with her all the time was letting her up for air, Jasper had returned and her world had upended again. Ethan knew she loved him, but often found himself thinking that she’d be better off without him. Not once had he seen her happy over him. Here or there, together or apart, Jasper seemed to make her miserable.
Jules wasn't oblivious enough to miss the subtle look on Ethan's face. She knew what he thought about Jasper, even if they didn't talk about it out loud. "I mean... yeah, but..." Jules grimaced and settled back against the wheelchair. Her ribs were killing her sitting up like she was. "I don't know if it's... I mean, it could be just like, a knee jerk reaction to the car accident. I don't know if it's something he'd be asking for if that stuff never happened and maybe he's regretting it today, now that he knows I'll be fine. I'm just always doubting myself." Jules offered a faint, apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. I know this is like, the last thing you want to hear about."
“No, it’s okay,” Ethan said. “I don’t… I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me about him. I… I might struggle to give you unbiased advice, but… I’d be a bad friend if I asked you to omit something or someone that’s such a big part of yours.” Even though he struggled to say it, it was something Ethan had known for a good while—he couldn’t have Jules without Jasper. If he wanted to be there for her, to be the best friend he claimed to be, he couldn’t ask her not to talk about the person who mattered most to her. And the more disdain he showed for Jasper, the more likely he was to lose her. So he would stomach it. He saw no other choice. “I don’t like how he ties you in knots.”
Jules understood. It wasn't like she was totally oblivious to how Ethan felt about her. And if they had met earlier, or... something had been different, then maybe... but things were what they were and she couldn't exactly switch her feelings on and off. All Jules knew was that she didn't want to lose him and hopefully Ethan realized how much she cared about him. "I don't think he means to do it," Jules said after a moment. "Things are just hard now. And I think I'm to blame for a lot of those knots. I think maybe I have impossible expectations for love or something." Huffing out a soft laugh, she shook her head. "It's so stupid to even worry about stuff like that right now. Like, we almost died. It just puts some things into perspective, you know?"
Ethan wanted to argue with her, that she couldn’t take the blame for everything that was going on with Jasper, but he wasn’t sure it would help. She hadn’t brought on the fog creatures, or been responsible for Jasper getting attacked by them, but she’d been the one to open the portal that sent him to some hell dimension. Even if Jasper forgave her for that, which Ethan assumed he did, it didn’t change the fact that it had fucked Jasper up. And after what they’d just been through, having smoke worms from another world almost kill them, he thought he understood that just a little bit better. Not a lot, but a little bit. “I don’t think you have impossible expectations,” he told her. “It just seems like… like they’re not lining up for you right now. Maybe they’ll come later. But I guess I know what you mean. Like… in the grand scheme of things, all those little things don’t matter. Just… being together.”
Just being together. Jules knew things wouldn't be easy and they wouldn't be the same as they had been before all the bullshit. But if they were together... wasn't that the important thing? "You're right," she said after a moment. "Life just doesn't work out the way you expect it to. At least not in this town." Her ribs were starting to hurt a bit more, which Jules chalked up to being upright for as long as she'd been. But she felt reluctant to leave Ethan. "I don't regret it," she said finally, aware that she might have already told him so. "What happened with us at the Fallows. "I just don't want to lose you."
If he was honest with himself, Ethan wasn’t entirely sure he was talking about Jules and Jasper there at the end, but he was glad she took it that way. He knew what he was doing to himself wasn’t much more healthy than what she was doing, and he was being a hypocrite if he couldn’t see that. The only difference was that Jasper seemed to return her feelings, at least at the moment. If he let her down again, Ethan thought he might strangle him. “You won’t lose me,” he told her softly, his hand reaching out to give hers a small squeeze. Maybe it softened the blow, knowing that she didn’t regret it, but Ethan knew it wouldn’t happen again. He still wasn’t sure if it would have happened at all if she’d been in complete control of herself, but he couldn’t bring himself to question that. “Are you going to tell him?”
Jules knew the Fallows had messed her up, Ethan too, but she would have been lying to everyone if she said she hadn't thought about kissing Ethan before, or even sleeping with him. He had been there for her and they shared something other people probably couldn't understand. It had probably been a dumb thing to do, considering they were friends, but Jules didn't really care. She had been doing a lot of dumb things lately. Ethan's question prompted a small frown on Jules's lips. "I don't know. I don't... really feel like I'm, like, obligated to, you know? We were broken up and he was..." Sleeping with Logan. Jules's frown deepened. "He told me to do whatever I wanted, so I did. Even if I did decide to tell him, I don't know what good it would do for anyone. I know you guys don’t like each other and that would probably just make it worse."
Ethan thought about telling her that he didn’t regret it either. He thought about telling her how he felt about her, just like he’d thought about it a hundred times before. After prom would have been the best time, but she’d been so happy and he hadn’t wanted to risk spoiling that, in case she didn’t feel the same. Now, it felt like telling her would just force a wedge between them. It was one thing for her to know on her own, but it felt wrong to call them out, especially knowing that she was back with Jasper. “He’s not… He’s not my favorite person,” he said, considering his words carefully. “But I’ve always known how you felt about him. I’ve dated girls my friends didn’t like, and it pissed me off to hear about it. I’m not dating him, you are, so--“ Ethan shrugged, giving her a small smile in return. “If he’s who you want to be with, I don’t want to be that friend. I’m sure you have plenty of them. But… I don’t think you should tell him. About the Fallows. I don’t think he’ll be okay with it and… I don’t want to lose you either.”
Jules couldn't really blame Ethan for not liking Jasper. They hadn't really had the best first impressions of one another. She just wished, stupidly so probably, that they could get along so she wouldn't have to constantly choose who to spend time with. But Jules knew Jasper would never ask her to give up Ethan because she sure as hell knew he wouldn't give up Logan. But Ethan was probably right that she shouldn't tell Jasper. She didn't need to make things worse. "You're still, like, my best friend," she told him, hoping that it helped in some way, for him to know that she wasn't going to ditch or abandon him. "I'm not going anywhere and I hope you aren't either."
Being the best friend only sucked when Ethan aspired to be more, so he supposed he should suck it up and get over it. He wasn’t stupid enough to force her to choose; it was a contest he wouldn’t win. He didn’t really understand why, but knowing why Jules preferred Jasper over him wasn’t going to help them remain friends. Maybe, eventually, he could be friendly with Jasper, but that would probably take finding someone that replaced Jules in his life and he had a hard time seeing that happening. Nobody else understood him like she did. Even if he told them about what he could do, it wasn’t the same. They might not even believe him. Ethan took a deep breath, ignoring the way his chest ached with such a little action. “You’re my best friend, too,” he admitted. “I’m not going anywhere. Especially not now. I’m impressed you can even sit up properly.”
Jules found she couldn't predict the future. She had tried to plan for it and that had failed spectacularly. So now she just felt like she needed to take things day by day and figure it out. She did love Jasper but there seemed to be a cautious feel to it, like her heart needed to protect itself somehow. Ethan had been there for her since the moment they met and she wasn't going to give him up, even if she couldn't give him what she knew he really wanted. Jules laughed a little when he spoke and even that sent a fresh wave of discomfort through her ribs. "Yeah, well... I wanted to see you. I should probably go back to my bed though." She thought about trying to crawl up into bed to lay next to Ethan, but they were both beat up pretty badly and the beds weren't big enough for it to be comfortable for them. Plus, she didn't want to risk Jasper coming by and finding them that way. Jules squeezed his hand. "I know your phone is fucked up so just like... yell at me if you wanna talk."
“I’m sure the nurses would love that,” Ethan smiled, giving her hand a squeeze back in return. “I’ll come by later, and tomorrow too. Maybe I’ll be able to last longer after they give me my meds.” A fresh dose of pain medication should hold him over for a while, at least long enough to watch a movie. Unfortunately, he knew most of what his body needed was sleep. Those worms had done more damage than the car accident itself and he was left feeling weaker than his injuries made him appear. “Let me know if anything changes, yeah?” he said, releasing her hand. “And when they discharge you? I should have my phone by then, but… I just want to know, you know?”
Jules nodded, because the medication really did help. Her body was starting to feel sore and bruised again and she just wanted to stretch out and sleep for a bit, even if it was in a hospital bed. "I'll definitely come see you when they discharge me... maybe they'll let us both go on the same day." Just thinking about having to wheel this stupid chair back to her room exhausted her, but she couldn't sit up much longer. Her ribs were starting to throb, so she sighed and gave Ethan a smile. It hurt her lip, but oh well. "Tell your mom to hurry up with a new phone. This would be more bearable if I could text you from my room."
“I think she’s using it to punish me for my stupidity, but it’s at the top of my list of asks,” Ethan smiled. “I’ll start blowing up your phone as soon as I have it, I promise.” He felt stranded in his room without his phone, left to wonder when someone would come by to talk to him, or even check on him. He already knew the names of his nurses and he’d barely been there. He’d be completely stir crazy if he didn’t get tired so easily. As it was, he knew Jules was probably running out of fuel herself. Even without a catalogue of her injuries, he could tell she was uncomfortable. “Go rest,” he told her. “I’ll come by later. We’ll talk soon.”
Jules definitely got bored in her room, but at least her phone still worked. And if her mom had taken it? God help them both! Despite her discomfort, Jules still felt a little guilty leaving Ethan there, but she couldn't exactly stay all day. The nurses would wander by eventually and push her back to her room anyway. "We'll talk soon," she said, huffing as she started moving the wheelchair away from his bed. "God, please don't watch me try to roll this thing out of here. It's so embarrassing and if you laugh, I'll laugh, then we'll both be in major pain with our ribs. So you've got to close your eyes until I'm gone."
“I promise not to laugh,” Ethan grinned, but then closed his eyes anyways. “I’m sure I’ll be worse. Probably run into the wall or something.” He’d say more, but laughter really did hurt and they’d both had enough pain for the next year. No need to encourage more of it just for a laugh. “Just be careful. Take it easy,” he told her as she headed out. Hopefully one of the nurses would see her struggling and would wheel her back to her own room. It wasn’t until she was all the way to the door that it occurred to Ethan that he could call the nurse with the little button on his bed. That would be good to remember for next time, when he made an attempt to see her instead.