Adrian Moretti (theneedtofeed) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2022-08-17 01:35:00 |
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Entry tags: | #july 2018, adrian, adrian x kane, kane |
Who: Adrian & Kane
Where: Castle View
When: Evening, 4th of July
Warning: Nsfw & mentions of a child's death
Adrian had been expecting his Fourth of July shift to be busier and bloodier than it turned out to be. Maybe that was just how his brain was wired now, expecting things to go badly at every turn, or maybe he was just more used to the ER in Portland than he was to a medical tent back home in his small town. In any case it surprised him how smoothly the day and evening went by and he'd even made a potential friend in the whole shebang so that was a plus. He was still tired when he drove to Castle View and his feet hurt in a way that he wasn't used to. It was late so he'd just texted Aaron before he left the tent, asking him to let Mila know that he was meeting some co-workers for drinks and might crash on someone's couch tonight. He didn't want to risk texting her if she was already sleeping, she needed all the rest she could get and the less fretting the better.
It was almost midnight when he found himself outside Kane's door, knocking lightly and needlessly running his fingers through his hair to fix it. Funny how anxious he always was when he wasn't right in front of Kane, like the whole thing was as fragile on the outside as it felt solid on the inside.
Kane had meant to have a low key day, to just take it easy and take care of himself between reapings. But his unexpected visitor had thrown a wrench into all of that, and he’d ended up anxious and overthinking. It was worrisome that someone here knew that much about him, things that would be hard to know. Kane ended up checking his apartment for bugs, feeling a little ridiculous the whole time, but the relief when he turned up nothing was real. He tried to distract himself with a few more drinks and television, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d agreed to do -- capture human souls and hand them over into mysterious circumstances. It was better that than let another mess of people die, wasn’t it? It had to be.
He didn’t want to be a mess for Adrian, so Kane took a shower before he was supposed to come over, putting some music on to try and lift his mood. He got cleaned up and played with himself a little, and that seemed to help. Kane had just pulled on some fresh boxer briefs and a black t-shirt when there was a knock at the door. He hated that he felt compelled to check the peephole, but he did. At least seeing Adrian brought a smile to his face. Kane opened the door with a little smirk and cocked an eyebrow. “Can I help you?”
Adrian smirked back and shook his head with amusement. "I have an appointment," he said in as cocky a tone as he could muster before slapping his hand against Kane's chest and pushing him out of the way before sauntering into his apartment. "I was promised fun and relaxation after a long day at work," he added but it was hard to keep up the act and his smirk quickly turned into a genuine smile. Just like that, the fragile felt solid again and he felt like he could breathe easier. "The only way your couch could look more tempting right now is if you were on it."
Kane chuckled as he stepped back to make room, glancing Adrian over as he came inside. Kane already felt better just having him there, and locking the door behind him helped even more. “Oh right, I think my secretary told me about it,” he murmured as he crowded in close, his hands landing on Adrian’s hips. He pulled him in firmly and kissed him in a proper greeting, feeling that knot in his stomach loosen even further. In all of his fretting, he’d wondered whether he should tell Adrian about Cecilia, but now that he was here Kane just wanted to forget all about it.
"Fuck, I missed you," Adrian murmured even if it had only really been a couple of days. It felt like eternity now when he wanted to spend all his time with Kane and he kissed him deeply as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders, holding him tightly. "I need to get off my feet though," he added after a moment, nipping lightly at Kane's lip before loosening his grip. "Come crush me back into my body on the couch?" Bed would be nice too, but the couch was closer and maybe sitting down for a little bit would give him a second wind. He'd washed up as best he could before coming over but a shower still sounded tempting, or at the very least a foot bath. Hell, he'd kill for a foot bath but the couch was good enough for now and he pulled Kane over there with a little smile. "How was your day?"
The declaration, the tight clench, the kiss, all of it made Kane’s insides flutter wildly. Had anybody ever actually said they missed him before? He couldn’t remember a time he’d heard it and it meant anything, so he doubted it. It sort of made him feel like a lovesick teenage girl, but he’d missed Adrian too, in the couple of days since he’d seen him last. He smelled good to Kane -- like outside and work and an undercurrent of sweat that was sexier than it had a right to be -- and he followed Adrian to the couch without protest. Kane pulled a face at the question, sitting down with Adrian and reaching for one of the beers he’d left sitting on the coffee table. “I’ve had better. Holidays like this are always rough. How was yours, how’d it go out in the thick of it all?”
It felt good to sit down again and Adrian toed off his sneakers before leaning in against Kane and enjoying the faint smell of the beer that he couldn't have unless he wanted to go to sleep right away. "It was surprisingly chill," he replied though a lot of people might not see that day as chill at all. It was when compared to his expectations and experience though. "No missing limbs or anything." He didn't ask why holidays were rough on Kane, he knew at least some of the reasons and so he decided not to bring up that his parents had stopped by the tent, all proud and happy and shit. It just didn't feel right to talk about it when Kane's mother was on her deathbed. "I loved this shit when I was younger," he said instead. "The fireworks, the noise, the crowds. Now I was just happy to be stuck in a tent all day, think I would have enjoyed being here more but the money's good."
Kane was glad that Adrian was on tent duty instead of working in the hospital, or he wouldn’t have had such a quiet night. There had already been a couple of fatal car accidents he’d been called to, and even though it was late, Kane was sure there would be more. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have Adrian over tonight, but he’d wanted to see him, even more so after Cecilia had shown up to rattle him into collecting souls. Kane settled in and draped an arm around Adrian’s shoulders, trying to just enjoy the closeness. “I used to play with bottle rockets and shit on my own, but I never much liked the rest of it,” Kane murmured. “Maybe when I was real little. But y’know ... my dad was always drunk and easy to piss off, then my reaping kicked in ...” He didn’t need to go into gory details on that, he was sure Adrian had seen enough holiday mayhem in his own line of work to fill in the blanks. Kane ran his fingers through Adrian’s hair. “Glad it was an easy one for you.”
Adrian had suspected that working the tent would be easier. Most of the accidents weren't going to happen at the parade itself unless something huge happened and he knew they'd opted to put him in the tent because he wasn't cleared to come back full time. He was kind of glad for that now, it had even been fun at times even if he'd had to consign patients to other nurses a couple of times. He frowned a bit at Kane's words, some anger at his shitty father bubbling up to the surface before he swallowed it down. "Yeah I thought it'd be way worse, last time I worked on this day we had a guy come in who'd blown his fucking hand off. There was just nothing left but meat." He stretched his own fingers as he spoke. "Nothing like that tonight, not at the parade. It was all pretty tame." He didn't want to go on pitying Kane for his rough childhood, nobody liked pity, so rambling about work felt safer. "I told my sister I might crash on someone's couch," he added with a little grin, stretching a bit to press a kiss on Kane's jaw. "Think I can crash on your couch?"
He didn’t want to dwell on his shitty upbringing or Adrian’s gross story, so the kiss was very welcome, and Kane smirked faintly. “Fuck no,” he drawled, clunking their heads lightly together. “This couch is off limits to you, you shouldn’t even have your ass on it.” He dipped to kiss Adrian and nipped softly at his bottom lip. “My bed, on the other hand ...” He would welcome the company if Adrian wanted to spend the night. Kane still felt greedy for every possible second of his time. Surely his sister was starting to get suspicious about all of this sudden ‘couch surfing’ Adrian was doing, but at the same time maybe it wasn’t a stretch to think he needed breaks from such a crowded house. Kane didn’t really care what she believed, as long as she didn’t try to stop it. “Oh hey, since you’re stayin’ ...” Kane grinned a bit. “You wanna get high, see how that goes for you?”
"Only if you're cool with me passing out and being boring," Adrian murmured and cocked a brow. "Maybe let's not do it right away." The worst case scenario was Kane rushing him to the emergency room, but he wasn't really worried it would come to that. He was highly sensitive to alcohol but it didn't make him sick or anything - or at least no more than alcohol usually did - so some weed wasn't likely to fuck him up too badly. At least he hoped not, it'd be nice to have something he could still do to alter his state of mind. "How about I hop in the shower, get your stitches out, kiss on you a little and then I'll snag some of your weed." He grinned back at him and honestly he thought he didn't have to do any of those things, he felt damn good right where he was.
If he was being completely honest, Kane would’ve been content to enjoy high Adrian for five minutes and then just let him sleep. He still had the nasty feeling in his stomach that his night wasn’t over, but the thought of coming back to Adrian lying next to him made it seem more bearable. Expressing all of that would probably be pretty lame though. “I’m not paying you for the house call,” he murmured instead, raking his fingers through Adrian’s hair again. Kane smirked and kissed him again. “I’ll join you.” He’d just had a shower, but he didn’t mind taking another one, especially with company. It was going to feel good to finally have those stitches out, and Kane was kind of looking forward to Adrian working on him again in a medical sort of way. There was something weirdly nice about it.
"Good," Adrian murmured but he wasn't quite ready to get up yet so he snuggled in against Kane a little harder and closed his eyes to let himself enjoy just this for a minute or two. "We can say the weed's compensation for my work," he mumbled with a faint grin though he obviously didn't need any. He might have been working for hours already but he liked working on Kane and while he didn't want him to get hurt, he still liked being his field nurse, so to speak. It felt possessive in a way, fixing up this man he was having dumb feelings for. He was glad Kane was on board with just lounging for a little bit but after a while he finally moved, sneaking another kiss on Kane's jaw before hoisting himself to his feet. "I am so tired," he tittered. "If I stay like this I'll fall asleep." He offered Kane his hand, watching him with half lidded eyes and a little grin.
It was nice to just chill and snuggle for a few minutes. Kane found it soothing to feel Adrian’s weight against his body, to feel that slight shift in him with every breath he took. It was a spot he could’ve easily dozed off in too, especially considering how much he’d been drinking today and how drained he felt. It made him kind of grateful that Adrian was worn out too, so neither of them would expect any crazy acrobatic sex later or anything. Kane didn’t even feel particularly horny, which was odd not to feel with Adrian around. He didn’t truly need the hand up, but he took it anyway, smiling faintly at the other man before he led the way to the apartment bathroom. Kane stripped his shirt off before he reached to turn the hot water on.
It was possibly the first time they did not have sex in the shower, at least Adrian couldn't remember a time when they'd just cleaned up and kissed and nothing else. He wasn't even sure if Kane was as tired as he was or if he was just picking up on how exhausted Adrian really felt, but either way it was welcome and he still took great pleasure in wrapping his arms around Kane's wet body and pulling him in close. A shower was a great way to feel more human, acting a bit like a reset button on the day and the hot water felt amazing on his tired feet and shoulders. "So, are you gonna keep me safe when I smoke?" he asked, though he already knew the answer. "I could be the most boring pothead ever, or I could scare the crap out of you. I have no idea what's gonna happen." He knew that whatever happened, Kane was the most capable of handling it out of everyone Adrian knew, he just really hoped the most exciting thing would be getting the giggles.
It was one of the very few times in Kane’s life that he’d shared a shower without any desire to fool around -- it tended to be where Round Two of a sexual encounter started for him. Tonight he just wanted to feel close to Adrian, to feel not alone. Kane slipped his arms around Adrian’s ribs to hold him close, trying to soak in the heat from the water and let it relax him. Fuck, he hoped everyone stopped being idiots and dying tonight. He just wanted to stay with his man and be his drug babysitter. Kane gave a soft huff and nuzzled a couple of kisses to the side of Adrian’s jaw. “I ain’t easy to scare, you know that,” he murmured with a little smirk. “But I got you, babe. Whether you get all paranoid or clean out my fridge or just pass out, you’ll be safe and sound here.” Kane had never seen anybody get really scary off of marijuana alone, but if Adrian had a weird reaction, Kane could deal with it. “You ever smoke before the wendigo?”
"No, I was a total boy scout," Adrian replied with a little grin. "I didn't even drink." It wasn't that far from the truth, he hadn't had sex until his twenties, but weed and alcohol were a different story. "It's been, probably at least eight years since I smoked last," he added as he left the sarcasm behind. "I was always just very mellow, never had a bad experience with it. Then again I could also drink just about anyone under the table so..." He liked the way Kane said he'd look after him and he'd been witness to just how hard it was to rattle the man so he felt pretty good about this whole thing. If he passed out, Kane would let him sleep. If he went big time out of control wendigo mode, Kane would have the good sense to get the fuck away from him or find a way to stop him. He didn't even question that he could and he didn't even think something like that would happen. If all it took was weed to undo a powerful spell, then how powerful could it really be? "So you wanna get out of here and get rid of those stitches?" he asked, leaning up to sneak a kiss on Kane's lips.
Hearing that Adrian used to be able to really hold his liquor made Kane a little sad for him, since he had the tolerance of a toddler now. It made him hope even more that the weed worked out, so the man had some kind of relief from the world’s bullshit. Intoxicants were essential, in Kane’s mind. “Yeah, sure,” he murmured against Adrian’s lips, smiling briefly before he kissed him again, nice and deep this time. Kane pulled back and turned to twist the water off and reach for towels for them. “Eight years, you’re gonna be such a lightweight,” he said with a chuckle as he stepped out to dry off. “Still would be even without that sensitivity you got. Did you clean up your act when you became a nurse or what?” Kane had been exposed to alcohol and weed at a young age, and he hadn’t had too many sober weeks in a row since then. He didn’t like to think about how similar that made him to his old man, but sometimes he couldn’t help it.
"Mostly, yeah," Adrian replied and he was pretty sure he wouldn't need much at all of anything to get intoxicated these days - even without the curse. "Not on purpose, just wanted to stay sharp while I was learning the ropes, not fuck anything up. I smoked a few times." He dried his head and face first before shaking out the towel and wrapping it around his waist. "Usually just when I had some days off. I didn't want to show up at the hospital in some post-high daze. The ER is not a good place to feel slow." And that had happened a couple of times, where he felt a little stupid the day after he smoked, like his brain hadn't quite caught up yet and everything felt like it was going a bit too fast around him. "Okay, let me see what I'm working with. You got little scissors?"
Kane could understand that. He never had more than a couple of shots before a hunt to steady his hands, and never smoked anything if he was putting himself in danger. He was the only one who got hurt when he fucked up, but that wasn’t so for nurses, so the way Adrian went about it was probably smart. Kane resolved to try not to be a bad influence on him. He wrapped his own towel around his waist and tugged a drawer open to rummage around in it. “I dunno how sharp they are, but here,” he said as he found a pair that had come in some grooming kit. Kane handed them to Adrian and turned his back to him so he could get a look. “I’ll be glad to get these fuckers out,” he muttered.
"I'm not doing surgery on you," Adrian told him with a grin, meaning he didn't need them too sharp. He just needed to get the stitches out and it really wasn't hard work. He knew Kane would have done it already if it wasn't in such an awkward place. He ran his fingers over the scar on Kane's back, not out of any necessity so much as that he just wanted to touch. "It healed really well," he murmured. "The tattoo doesn't look like it's in bad shape." He hoped that the magic was all intact, knowing Kane was going to go out there again by himself some day to hunt was gut wrenching enough without thinking his magic protection was gone. "It'll just be another sexy scar in your collection," he added and pressed a little kiss right above where the scar ended, unable to resist touching Kane whenever he had the chance.
“Mm, I had a good nurse.” Kane smirked and glanced over at their reflection in the mirror over the sink. They looked pretty fucking good together, he thought. Not that anybody would see them like this anytime soon ... except maybe in Portland. The thought gave him a pleasant flutter in his stomach. Kane wanted to take him out all of the sudden, out in public, out somewhere they could drink and maybe dance somewhere, both of them looking and feeling good. It gave him such a yearning in his gut. He licked his lips and started to tell Adrian they should have a real date when his vision started to tunnel and he got a weird disconnected feeling. He felt that familiar and unwelcome tug in his core, and Kane let out a low noise of protest and sank to his knees. He only ever got a few seconds as he got pulled out of his body, and it was always hard to talk, so the “be back” he managed to push out was slurred, but he didn’t want Adrian to panic. Kane’s eyes rolled back and he slumped sideways against the cabinet door.
For a brief, horrifying moment Adrian felt real terror as he tried to grasp what Kane was saying while also trying to steady him and ending up kneeling down with him, doing his best to make sure he didn't hit his head. 'Be right back' was such a strange thing to say, until Adrian remembered what this was and he let out a huff of a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Kane was a reaper, he'd told him what this was like and in the moment it reminded him of the start of a seizure, only without the convulsing. He maneuvered himself and Kane into a slightly more comfortable position and let Kane rest against his chest, well aware that it was more comfortable than a hard and cold cabinet. "I got you," he whispered but despite knowing what was really going on, he couldn't help but check Kane's pulse and breathing, listening intently for any change and quietly counting to himself to be aware of how long this lasted.
While his body went ragdoll limp, Kane’s spirit -- or astral form, or whatever the fuck it was -- was yanked through the ether out of Castle View and over the dark treetops and yellow streetlights to somewhere else in Point Pleasant. It was a neighborhood that he couldn’t place, colors were dulled and shapes were strange when he was out of his body. The only perfectly clear thing, glowing softly blue, was the soul he was there to reap. As soon as that irresistible force released him with a jolt, Kane saw that it was a small one.
The girl couldn’t have been more than seven, solemnly watching the shadowy figures of her parents kneeling over her broken body. Everything in the ‘real’ world moved in slow motion, soundless to the two of them on the spiritual plane. As Kane approached the girl from behind, the mother’s face twisted into a scream and she slow-scrambled to start CPR. It wouldn’t do any good, Kane knew. By the time he showed up, it was always too late. It didn’t affect him much like this -- this girl wasn’t the first child he’d reaped and probably wouldn’t be the last. His emotions always felt muted and distant when he was fulfilling his duty, something for his physical body to experience later, a problem for his full self. For now there was just the job.
Kane crouched next to her, looking over the scene. He knew without being told what had happened: a kid staying up too late while her parents celebrated and drank, everyone outside shooting off fireworks, someone needing to go on a beer run and backing a truck out of the drive ... right into a girl too small to be seen in the rearview. A terrible, tragic accident, like so many others. Kane looked over to see the girl staring at him, and he gave her a very faint smile. They had a silent conversation in the way that felt so natural in this form, an exchange of pure thought and emotion, and he reassured her that she would be fine and her parents would be fine and she would see them again. Kane didn’t know that to be true, but the lie always came easy for the kids.
Then he just stayed with her for a little while, her tiny glowing hand in his. When she was ready, Kane picked her up and carried her toward the light. It wasn’t meant for him and it hurt his eyes, but he walked into it as far as he could go, until the girl’s weight lifted out of his arms and she faded into whatever was next. His duty done, Kane was abruptly tugged back the way he’d come like he was on a bungee cord.
His body gave a hard twitch and he gasped a bit as he woke up again, fumbling a little because somebody was holding him down -- no, not down. Just holding. Kane realized it was Adrian and relaxed again, leaning into him as he caught his breath.
Adrian's counting might not be completely accurate and he didn't have his watch on him but he could estimate that Kane was only out for three minutes - four tops - before he jerked awake again, startling Adrian and probably himself. "Hey, I got you," Adrian whispered, but loosened his hold a little so Kane knew he could sit up or do whatever the hell he needed to do while not pushing him away if this was exactly what he needed. When Kane leaned in against him, he suspected maybe it was. If he didn't know what it was he might have told Kane he'd scared him, tried to say something light to get them back to where they'd been before Kane collapsed, but someone had died and Adrian had no idea how that affected Kane so he stayed quiet, lightly stroking Kane's arm while loosely holding him against his chest.
The awareness recovery was always quick, which Kane appreciated. It wasn’t even like waking up from a nap, with grogginess to muddle through. There was a brief moment of disorientation, and then he was fully awake and back and he remembered everything. That was the unfortunate part. He could see those sad and scared brown eyes in that small round face clear as day, and the emotion from guiding a child across the veil hit him like a baseball bat to the stomach. Kane’s throat closed up and his face crumpled a bit as he pulled away from Adrian and sat up. As much as part of him wanted to lean into that comfort, it had been beaten into him young not to cry in front of anyone, and he was right on the verge. Kane pressed his hands to his face for a moment while he reined it in, then pulled himself to his feet. “Need a cigarette,” he muttered thickly as he ducked out of the bathroom.
Adrian wanted to follow him and this was the first time in a while that didn't really know how to approach Kane. He was obviously shaken, upset and on the verge of tears and Adrian could only guess the reason partially. It had been a reaping and it had been a hard one but in what way? He got up off the floor and wrapped his towel more firmly around his waist before hesitantly going out after Kane. While he didn't want to crowd him it also felt like steering clear of him would be an even worse move so he headed to the living room, anxiety balling up tightly in his chest. He helped himself to a drink from Kane's fridge and grabbed a cold beer for Kane, just in case he wanted one, then moved to sit down near him, putting the bottle in front of him. Talking didn't seem right, but he was there to listen if Kane wanted to talk.
Kane had lit a cigarette with shaky hands and sat on the edge of a couch cushion, his elbows on his knees and his head bowed. He heard Adrian in the kitchen and felt both gratitude and aversion. It was hard to tell which was stronger. Kane didn’t look over when Adrian joined him, his body feeling tight as he worked on pushing everything down. There was no help for it, nothing Adrian or anybody else could say could make it better, it was just the weight of this curse he had to bear. He didn’t say anything for a few long moments, smoking and staring into the middle distance. “I fuckin’ hate when it’s a kid,” he murmured finally, his voice rough with suppressed emotion. Kane reached for the beer finally, and took a long drink. He had a feeling Adrian could relate on some level, having been a nurse. He’d probably seen his fair share of suffering and dying kids ... but at least he had a chance to help them sometimes. Kane never arrived until it was too late.
He was right that Adrian had seen too many kids die and it never got any easier. He'd also seen interns quit because they couldn't handle it as well as they thought they could so he knew it affected people differently. Sometimes there was hope at the hospital, sometimes a kid came in at death's door but pulled through anyway, so there was usually some hope. For Kane there was none, Adrian was pretty sure a reaper wasn't summoned if there was still a chance CPR could work. "I know," he said quietly, fighting the urge to touch Kane. It was uncomfortable, this was a new side to him that he didn't know, he had no idea if a touch was welcome or if Kane would push him away, if he wanted him to stay or if he wanted him to leave and Adrian didn't want to guess and get it wrong. That fear he had that Kane would grow sick of him as quickly as he'd fallen for him seemed to push its way to the surface stronger than ever, like if he did something wrong now, everything would end. "Tell me what you need right now," he near-whispered, his chest tight with both empathy and fear.
A small watery laugh bubbled up in Kane’s throat and he rubbed at his eyes. It felt so good to hear, even though he didn’t really have an answer. Bittersweet. “Fuck if I know,” he muttered, his tone resigned instead of defensive. Kane sat back into a deep slouch and rested his beer on his hip, exhaling another lungful of smoke upward. “I’ve never been good at ... dealin’ with it.” He’d never really had company who knew what was happening and gave a shit, either, so Kane didn’t know what kind of support to ask for, even though he trusted that Adrian would try to give it. The urge to cry was fading, which was a relief to his ego, but maybe not great for the rest of him. It was hard to tell sometimes if he was getting over it or just successfully smothering all that useless grief. He definitely didn’t want to show Adrian just how bad it could get. Things were fragile enough between them already. “Just ... stay with me,” he murmured quietly, his gaze ticking to Adrian’s thigh. That was about as far as he could go. “Like you planned.”
Adrian felt relieved Kane wanted him there but he also kind of felt bad about it because a child had just died and his priorities were all fucked up. He'd probably worry more if Mila had had her own baby, if he had little cousins or niblings running around town. He'd gotten better at compartmentalizing strangers' grief away from his own but he still sometimes felt guilty for that. Then again he felt guilty for a lot of things so it was just one more grain on the pile. "Of course," he told Kane and shifted a little bit closer to him and leaned forward to open his own drink. "You know... There's nothing wrong with crying. Especially over something like this." He kept his voice neutral, not wanting to smother Kane with pity or overwhelming understanding. It was a simple permission, an acknowledgement, that was all. "Nothing wrong with not crying either," he added. "Grief is fucking weird."
He almost scoffed, but Kane could recognize the intent behind what he said. Adrian wasn’t trying to therapize him or anything. Kane’s body just remembered all the times his old man would punish him for crying as a little kid, and it never wanted to feel that helpless and unsafe again. He gave a hum of acknowledgment and sipped on his beer for another quiet moment. “You ever do that? Cry over your patients?” he asked softly. Kane bet the answer was yes -- despite every dark secret they’d shared, Adrian seemed like a much better and more empathetic person than he could ever hope to be.
"Yeah," Adrian replied without hesitating. "Some cases, everyone did. The biggest hardasses in the place, the emotionally depleted, people who thought they'd were done with crying. Some cases are just worse. Harder. Mostly kids." He'd cried over a lot of people and a lot of things, he still did sometimes, would Kane think less of him for that? He had no idea but he liked to think not. He didn't really want to think about the things he had to cry about so he reached for Kane's pack of cigarettes because the occasion sure as hell felt like it called for one of those. "It's not fair," he mumbled, nudging his knee gently against Kane's as he reached for his lighter.
Kids just got to everybody, didn’t they? People with a heart, at least. None of Kane’s suffering had ever seemed to get through to his own father. It only seemed to enrage him further and then he caused more suffering, in this awful vicious cycle. It was fucked up of him to think, but maybe that little girl was lucky in a way, to have gotten out of the world so soon. Kane hoped nobody had beaten her while she’d been here. He slid his upper body to the side to rest his temple against Adrian’s shoulder, thinking that he definitely related to those ‘emotionally depleted’ folks. “Far back as I can remember, my dad hit me pretty much every time he saw me cry,” he murmured. “Sometimes when I was a teenager and I got called to a kid ... I was jealous of them. They were getting out. How fucked is that?”
"Jesus," Adrian whispered and for a split second he could imagine himself ripping that man's head off too. It was probably a good thing he was dead. "That is fucked up on another level, Kane," he murmured then. "Noone deserves that and crying isn't a fucking sin." He'd seen his share of cases where children services had to be called in and while that was always a mixed emotion sort of a thing, he kind of wished someone had stepped in for Kane. Maybe it would have been worse though, the system was no place for a kid either. "Did you ever hit him back?" he asked and he had a feeling that telling Kane he was sorry would go down all wrong. "When you were older?"
“Yeah, we got into it a few times when I got bigger ... when he was drunk he liked to try and pick a fight with me,” he answered. Kane had given it to him on more than one occasion, something that upset his mother endlessly, and probably scared the shit out of young Bailey more than she would ever admit now. “If I hadn’t got out when I did one of us probably would’a ended up dead. Or at least in the hospital.” He didn’t feel an ounce of pride or ego in saying that, it was the extremely sad truth. “I’m pretty fucked up, Adrian. As like, a person. You should know that.” If anybody knew that it should be a guy he murdered and then fell in love with, but it still felt necessary to say out loud.
"I know," Adrian said because of course he did; he'd have to be blind and stupid not to know. "I'm still here though." He reached up and stroked Kane's cheek, glad he was still resting against him like that, not trying to pull away and put distance between them. "I didn't have a fucked up childhood. I wasn't even grateful for it, I took it for granted but that's just how it should be for kids, you know? You should have had a good childhood and it shouldn't be a big deal. Everyone should and it's not fair that that's not how it works." It made him sad to think about it, the child that died tonight, the child that Kane had been, the kids Adrian had seen die at the hospital; it all made his heart feel heavy and he couldn't imagine driving home now, alone, fretting about Kane. He turned his head a little to nudge Kane's gently. "Thanks for not kicking me out."
The part of Kane that worked the hardest to protect him wanted to pull away and get that safe distance back, maybe tell Adrian to leave while still pretending that he was fine and he could handle anything. The nudging was there in his head, but Kane didn’t truly want that. He’d been more honest with Adrian than anyone else in his whole life, and it felt like he should be honest about this too. He was right about everything he said -- every kid should just have a good childhood and think nothing of it. How would he have turned out if he’d had that privilege? That line of thinking could drive a man crazy though. “Thanks for still bein’ here,” he murmured quietly. The words were small and pale compared to the gratitude he actually felt, but Kane didn’t know how to express that well enough. He caught Adrian’s lifted hand with his own and brought his knuckles to his lips. “I don’t wanna ... be alone anymore.”
"I'm here," Adrian whispered back in a sort of a promise that he was staying without getting all hyper-verbal and dumb about it. Truth was he had a lot of feelings about all of it but fear was one of the big ones and it was a powerful motivator to tread carefully. He was just glad he'd decided to stay the night because leaving now would be the worst thing he could do to both of them. He wondered who was on call tonight, who was bringing in that child's body, if his new friend had gone back to work to avoid his crazy wife only to end up doing useless cpr on a dying child. He knew he'd be hearing about it all from someone he knew, even if it was just his mother who took every tragedy to heart.
He’d said that already, but Kane found he liked hearing it a second time. Honestly he wouldn’t have minded another five or six reminders. No matter how this all shook out in the end, Adrian was here now, when Kane needed him. Maybe it wasn’t so bad to lean on someone else sometimes, when holidays were so hard and he was so tired. Someone who understood as far as anyone else was able to understand. Kane had run out of words for now, so he just stayed leaning against Adrian, one hand curled loosely around his beer, the other with its fingers tangled with Adrian’s. They both knew that sometimes there was just nothing to say, you just had no choice but to sit with it. For once, sitting with it didn’t feel like the loneliest thing in the world.
Aside from the sadness, it was kind of nice to just sit there together, quietly holding hands, idly drinking their drinks. Adrian was getting a little sleepy but not in a way that had him clamoring for sleep, it was more of a heady feeling and he kind of wished he could just doze off with his head on Kane's shoulder. He'd always been chatty and outgoing - or had always used to be, at one point - but even back then he'd appreciated people he didn't feel like he had to perform in some way around, whether it was talk or action. He didn't feel uncomfortable being quiet with Kane, at moments it even felt like they were having a full conversation without words. So they sat there for a while, finishing their drinks and Adrian tried to project somehow just how much he was there for him, that he wasn't going anywhere, hoping it made a difference.
It did make a difference, and Kane ended up feeling better much faster than he would have if he’d been by himself. He also didn’t really feel the urge to drain every bottle of alcohol he could find, and that had to mean something, didn’t it? He lost track of time, lost in thought, but eventually he sat up and set his empty beer bottle down. Kane stood and it was his turn to offer Adrian a hand. “Come on,” he murmured. “You gotta finish nursing me so I can get you stoned off of your ass.” The death of a child was beyond sad, but she was gone now, unconcerned about them. Life didn’t stop, not until their own time came.
"Stitches," Adrian murmured and he'd forgotten all about that. It was a little tempting to leave it for tomorrow but he knew Kane wanted them out and it felt intimate in a way he kind of craved right now. "Might take a raincheck on the weed," he said. "Save it for Portland." He didn't sound completely settled on that decision and might change his mind after the stitches were done, but he had a feeling that a joint would just send him to sleep even faster than he would on his own and that was probably fast enough. He grabbed Kane's hand and hoisted himself to his feet, wrapping his arms around his waist before he let him drag him to the bathroom again. He was too addicted to this man, to the way it felt to hold him like this, the feel of his skin against his own, the warmth of his body. He didn't manage to stay overnight that often, going to sleep sounded like an abysmal waste of time.
Kane draped his arms around Adrian when he pressed in close, appreciating the embrace more than he could really show. He dipped his head a bit to press a few slow kisses against the top of Adrian’s shoulder. He wasn’t going to force anything, obviously, but he didn’t think he would mind a very high Adrian dozing off in bed with him. He’d come over to have a good time, after all, and Kane hadn’t really been able to give him that tonight. It sounded pretty cozy to Kane, but he also wanted the conscious company. Maybe Adrian could try a few hits right before lights out to see how it settled in, a pre-Portland experiment. Gods, Kane couldn’t wait to get out of town with him for a while. After a long couple of moments, he patted Adrian’s ass and pulled back to head for the bathroom so they could get the stitch removal over with.
Playing nurse while half naked and sleepy in a lover's house was a new experience and Adrian found that he liked it. He bossed Kane around a little, had him sit down when he needed him to sit, stand when he needed him to stand, indulged in touching him the way he'd been dying to touch him when he put those stitches in, just a gentle stroke here and there, a much needed physical connection. The stitches came out easily and if anything Adrian took his time with them. He hoped he'd never have to patch Kane up again but if he got his wish then he'd never get to patch Kane up again. Of course he didn't want to have to do that, but there was still something so nice about being his nurse. He gently scratched at the back of Kane's neck once he was finished, then pressed a gentle kiss on his shoulder. "All done," he murmured. "You're finally free."
He stayed pliable and obedient while Adrian did his job, appreciating all of the extra little touches and the quiet but firm way Adrian told him to do things. It put him in a more relaxed sort of headspace, like he could just let go of all thought and let Adrian guide him around and he would be okay. Kane was tired enough that the idea of giving up control really appealed to him. He’d never really had anyone in his life he trusted to that degree, and it was possibly stupid to feel that way about Adrian, but he was letting go of the idea that any of this should be tactical or even make sense. It was what it was. Kane chuckled softly and reached over his shoulder to scratch a bit around the healing wound, then slipped his arms around Adrian’s waist to pull him close again. “We weren’t even fuckin’ yet when you put those in,” he murmured with a tiny smirk. It felt like forever ago already, time was so damn strange.
"Oh I was already fucking you," Adrian murmured as he draped his arms over Kane's shoulders and pressed in close. "In my mind at least." He could remember the tension he'd felt that day, the way he'd itched to get his hands on Kane, to kiss him or - in a weirder way - get punched by him; anything at all to feel alive and touch him again. He'd been so on edge after their kiss and now they were here and things had changed so much. "I thought about you all the damn time," he added in a whisper and he knew it was mutual, Kane had been a man obsessed and Adrian didn't doubt that, his worries these days were that he'd simply stop.
Shit, if that counted, then Kane had been fucking Adrian for months in fantasies he wasn’t entirely comfortable sharing. He didn’t want to dwell on the bad stuff he’d wanted to do to him, not tonight. Adrian had an idea of all that already, and all Kane wanted to feel tonight was the sweetness, the soft tender stuff they’d discovered in each other. He spread his hands against the small of Adrian’s back and rubbed their noses together. “I’m still thinkin’ about you all the damn time,” he rumbled quietly back. Maybe neither of them needed the reassurance, they’d already said as much to each other, but it was still delicious to hear. Adrian was worthy of obsession, in Kane’s mind. Himself, not so much. He liked knowing they didn’t agree on that. “I just want all of you I can get before you come to your senses.”
Adrian couldn't imagine changing his mind about this but maybe he was crazy and would come to his senses. He might even believe that if things hadn't changed, if they were still struggling against each other, if all that happened between them was desperate fucking and mixed feelings. He couldn't imagine wanting out, not after he'd gotten to know the softer side of Kane and shared so much much with him. Kane was the only person who had seen all of him and still accepted him without question, why would he willingly give that up? "Leave some for later," he said with a little smile. "I'm not going anywhere." He kissed him as if to make a point, lips lingering against Kane's for a few seconds before he pulled back again. "Except to bed, but you're coming with me."
That kiss made Kane’s insides feel melty, and it was an unbelievable relief to feel something besides that oppressive sadness. The grief for that little girl hadn’t completely gone away, but it never did. It was another rock in the invisible bag he carried around. Kane could practically feel Adrian gently prying it out of his hands, coaxing him to put it down for just a little while. Gods, he needed this so badly. Adrian was going to have to be the one to end it, Kane knew already. He just hoped Adrian was right and it wouldn’t be soon. He wet his lips and nodded a little as he slipped a hand between them and tugged Adrian’s towel open to let it drop. “Take me to bed then,” Kane murmured.
Adrian knew there was a chance Kane would be pulled away again and it'd probably be easier to be in bed when that happened and not crouching on a cool bathroom floor like before. He really hoped there wouldn't be more reapings tonight, it was jarring enough for him but he could only imagine how it felt for Kane to see the things he saw and then get jerked back to his body, unsure what he'd missed in the last few minutes. He tugged on Kane's towel, wanting him equally naked, then let it drop as he moved in to give Kane another brief kiss. "C'mon," he murmured, slipping his hand in his and pulling him with him to the door. He knew he should probably brush his teeth before he went to sleep but he could skip it one night, damn it. He wanted to smoke another cigarette - or some weed - drink some soda and cuddle Kane while he had the ability to stay awake so he led him to the kitchen first to grab some drinks and an ashtray and let Kane turn off some of the lights.
Kane made sure the door was locked and everything secure before they officially retreated to the bedroom. He took another beer with him, but he didn’t even have the impulse to grab anything stronger, which was probably a first for a night like this. He settled on the bed and pulled his weed stash out from a cigar box he kept within reach. There were several joints in there, already rolled, and he pulled one out to tuck between his lips. Even if Adrian didn’t want to partake, Kane felt like he could use some. He lit it and sat back against the pillow propped against the wall, stretching his legs out to cross them at the ankles. Kane gave a sigh as he exhaled the first hit upward, his gaze following the smoke. “When we go to Portland, I wanna take you out,” he said finally, looking over at Adrian.
Adrian had stretched out next to him, popped open his soda and had a little to drink. He felt really relaxed already in a way that made him want to just move in with Kane instead of finding a place of his own. He liked being there, was getting more familiar with everything and more at ease with helping himself to things such as drinks. He was idly rubbing his foot against Kane's ankle when Kane spoke and got his attention, making him look over with a curious smile. "What, like a real date?" he asked before reaching over to steal the joint from Kane's fingers. He wasn't going to smoke a lot, but he was curious to see what a drag or two would feel like and it smelled so damn nice it was hard to resist it.
“Yeah,” Kane answered, smiling a bit as Adrian took the joint. He took a sip from his beer. Even if the weed just put Adrian out cold, Kane hoped it made him feel good. “Like nice clothes, dinner ... maybe somethin’ else, a movie, I dunno.” He felt a little sheepish, bringing it up, but he’d been thinking about it off and on ever since Adrian suggested they go out of town for an overnight trip. Kane had never actually been on a date with a man, and he suspected that Adrian hadn’t either. Or at least he hadn’t in a long time.
Adrian licked his lips after taking a hit, letting the smoke linger in his lungs as he considered it. He both loved the idea and hated it, he still knew a lot of people in Portland and it wasn't a huge city, but it wasn't tiny either and he really needed to stop expecting the worst to happen. As he exhaled he handed the joint back to Kane and moved to lie on his side, draping an arm over his stomach. "How nice are we talking? 'Cause I can't afford a suit," he said a bit playfully, studying Kane's face with warmth in his eyes. He did look a little sheepish, like he thought maybe Adrian would hate the idea. It just made him like it more.
He’d kind of expected Adrian to scoff and think it was too corny to bear. Like they were both too jaded for that kind of shit. Instead he looked like he was kind of into the idea. Kane couldn’t help but smile a bit as he took the joint back and hit it again. “Nah, not suit nice,” he said, his voice strained as he held the smoke in for a moment. He didn’t have the first clue how to set up that kind of date, even if he could afford it plus a suit for Adrian. “Just like ... a nice shirt nice, I guess. Whatever you feel good in.” Kane knew Adrian probably had some church clothes by now, and he himself kept one nice pair of pants and a couple of shirts that weren’t black tees around, just in case he had to show up to a funeral or something. They could clean up a bit together. “You ever do that much?” he asked, perhaps a bit too casually. “Date?”
"Does dating a beard in high school count?" Adrian asked. "'Cause we went a lot of places you could call a date. Prom, homecoming, Moxie's." He grinned, knowing full well that didn't really count, though his ex might not agree. They'd had a nice time together and he genuinely liked her, just not like that and he often regretted that. "But nah, no dating. Just casual hook-ups, all hush hush." He scraped his teeth over his lips, well aware of how that sounded and Kane probably didn't give a shit about how many people he'd fucked but Adrian did. Not about how many partners Kane had before him, but about coming off as something he was not. "One guy," he mumbled and maybe the weed was loosening his tongue though he didn't expect it to be hitting very hard yet. "I only fucked one guy before you. It wasn't serious either, it was just... convenient."
Beards didn’t really count to Kane, and it sounded like it didn’t really count to Adrian either. It was one thing to go through the motions with someone you felt indifferent toward, and quite another to go out with a real romantic interest. Kane quirked a brow at Adrian’s correction, but he wasn’t too surprised by it. He knew he was Adrian’s first blowjob, so it stood to reason he wasn’t terribly experienced. He took another small pull from the joint before offering it back. “Was he better than me?” he asked, then grinned faintly. “Kidding. I’ve fucked guys but never dated any ... even with AJ, we were deployed, we had to sneak everything.” If he and AJ had been able to go out to dinner and a movie, would they have even been together? Or was that another intense relationship born from extreme life-threatening circumstances? These were the thoughts he needed to silence, for fuck’s sake. “So ... I wanna take you out,” he echoed softly.
Was he better than Kane? It made Adrian laugh, a quiet huff of air more than anything. "Take me out," he murmured. "I don't care if it's somewhere nice or just a burger joint. I'd love to go on an actual date with you." He was surprised that was what Kane wanted too, there was always that fear that things were getting boring for him, that now that he had Adrian, he wouldn't be very exciting for long. A date seemed very serious, but maybe it wasn't, not compared to everything else they'd done. People went on dates all the time, it was only really a big deal because Adrian was in the closet. "Though... I would say Monday was a date. A good one too, I don't know how you're gonna top that."
He was pleased that Adrian was game to do it, which probably meant that it was a serious thing that meant something to him. Maybe it would be lame and awkward, but he got the feeling they would end up enjoying themselves ... only to come back to Point Pleasant where they couldn’t do it again. But Kane wasn’t going to dwell on that, especially not before the good part even happened. “Yeah? Guess it was kinda a date, huh,” he murmured with a warm smile. He hadn’t thought of it that way at the time, but the day had definitely had date-like qualities. Kane knew he couldn’t recreate that experience in Portland, but he would still try to show Adrian a good time. “So hey, that means pressure’s off, it’s actually our second date.”
Since Adrian didn't feel drowsy and his head hadn't exploded yet or anything, he snagged the joint from Kane again for a nice, long drag before giving it back, blowing the smoke up over Kane's head before moving up to kiss him. He didn't know if it was the weed or the talk about a date that had him all warm and fuzzy inside, but he suspected the latter had more to do with it. "Second date," he echoed and while his eyelids felt a little heavier than they had just minutes ago, he didn't feel like going to sleep just yet so he slowly moved to straddle Kane, kissing him more deeply. "Look," he murmured against his lips. "I haven't passed out yet. Guess weed's a go."
Kane felt a long way from passing out himself, but his body definitely felt looser and more relaxed, and his thoughts were getting pleasantly blurred around the edges. He puffed a bit more on the joint as he watched Adrian change positions, appreciating the way the low light played over his skin when he moved. Kane reached to set the joint down in the ashtray before their lips met, then he was busy melting into that kiss, his hands coming up to stroke Adrian’s thighs and hips. He gave a tiny huff at the words and nibbled lightly at Adrian’s bottom lip. “You feelin’ good?” he whispered, warmth spreading further through his core. He felt good now, better with every passing second, centered more in his body than in his mind. Right where he wanted to be.
"I feel great," Adrian replied in a quiet murmur and those good feelings only grew with the way Kane was touching him. His feet weren't complaining anymore and everything felt warm and hazy in a nice way, the taste of the weed lingering on his tongue, mixing with the sweet taste of soda from earlier. And then there was Kane, more tastes mingling in and maybe they shouldn't have mixed as well as they did, but they did. Adrian deepened the kiss, cupping Kane's face with his hands and lightly stroking the stubble on his jaw with the tips of his fingers. "Do you feel good?" he asked in one of those brief moments where their lips parted, the question followed by another wet and deep kiss.
His only reply was a deep affirmative moan into Adrian’s mouth. The words weren’t important enough to break the kiss for, especially since it felt like his vocabulary was rapidly dwindling. Kane wasn’t thinking about the holiday or reaping or any of his struggles at the moment, all he could focus on was Adrian, and it was bliss. His hands slid around to grope Adrian’s ass, slowly squeezing and massaging, taking his time exploring the shape of muscle and texture of skin all over again. Kane’s cock was stirring as the heat of arousal made its way through him. He was happy that Adrian felt good and stoned, happy with how he was touching his face, happy that he’d come over and stayed.
Arousal was making its way through Adrian's body, waking up parts of him with a rush of heat, but none of it felt particularly urgent. He felt kind of floaty and warm all over, greedy for the way Kane was touching him, awake only by willpower and stubbornness at this point so everything felt a little heavy in a nice way. He felt free and safe at the moment, desired in a way only Kane had ever made him feel, content and hungry for more all at once as he moaned into the kiss and pressed closer to Kane's body. His fears of this ending soon were blissfully quiet now and Kane felt so nice and relaxed against him that he was sure all the bad feelings had given him a break for now too. He couldn't help but grin into the kiss and he knew for sure that came from the weed because he didn't really have any reasons to be amused, yet some silly joy seemed to have gotten hold of him and it delighted him and did nothing to smother the flames growing inside him. He tittered softly as he broke the kiss, studying Kane's face for a moment before kissing him again and this time slipping one hand between them to gently play with their cocks.
The pointless amusement was contagious, and Kane grinned against Adrian’s lips before the pleasure from his hand registered and made him moan softly. It seemed like this man knew exactly how to touch him by instinct ... but part of Kane knew he would enjoy any touch of those hands, pleasurable or painful. It was probably twisted as fuck to feel that way about anyone, but Kane couldn’t help it. His own hands restlessly stroked skin, tracing curves and squeezing muscle as the arousal inside of him tightened. Being stoned made it so easy to not think of anything else, to be completely in the moment and just drown in the sensations humming through his body. Kane hummed hungrily as he nipped at Adrian’s full bottom lip, his hips rocking up to mindlessly seek more pressure and friction. He couldn’t even really think about what he wanted, just More of Adrian.
"You're my cake," Adrian murmured against his lips, slowly rocking his hips as he stroked their cocks and everything felt so languid and easy, he wanted to live in this moment. "I wanna keep you but I also wanna eat you up, or keep a part of you with me forever." It was a strong feeling, one that suddenly almost hurt because he knew he couldn't really do that. There'd be plenty of times when he wouldn't get to see Kane, they were never going to be like siamese twins and neither of them would really want to be - the both of them too independent for that shit - but he still wished there was some way he could carry Kane's essence with him all the time, to feel this way no matter where he was or what he was doing. "Could take a piece of your soul and carry it in my pocket," he murmured with a faint smile. "My pocket Kane." It was weird to realize he was stoned and yet be unable to keep from talking nonsense and he vaguely hoped he wasn't saying something too stupid.
It was nonsense, romantic sappy nonsense that had a layer of spice because a sort-of-cannibal was talking about eating part of him. For some reason that angle didn’t bother Kane in the least, especially with how dopey Adrian looked saying it. He tittered, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt, and playfully pinched at Adrian’s ass. “What, you want my letter jacket or somethin’? Sap,” Kane murmured through his grin. He could bust Adrian’s balls about it, but hearing that he had those silly outsized desires made Kane’s insides flutter like crazy. Nobody had wanted him this way in ages, if ever, and it felt so fucking good, he could totally relate to Adrian’s nonsense. He kissed him again, hungry and nibbly, hoping to convey without words that he felt exactly the same way. He wanted Adrian all the time, especially like this. Living together crossed his mind again, but Kane knew that would just ruin it for them this soon.
Kane was probably lucky that Adrian would sober up before he left the next day because the idea of taking his leather jacket was intensely tempting now that Kane brought it up. He could imagine wearing it, his stoned mind imagining him disappearing into it and maybe instead of keeping Kane in his pocket, he would rather want to live in Kane's leather jacket, surrounded by the smell of it, be small enough that he could feel his heartbeat like a drum against his body. He sighed into the kiss at the thought and the only thing stopping him from rambling about this out loud was Kane's tongue in his mouth which was probably a blessing. He just felt stupidly happy where he was, a little sleepy, a little stoned and aroused in a comfortable, lazy way, his hand moving automatically now as he kissed Kane deeply.
The rambling had been pretty cute, and Kane’s own stoned brain could imagine some fun things to do in Adrian’s pocket, if he was really that size. He definitely related to the sentiment, though he could practically feel Bailey rolling her eyes in his mind. Kane vaguely hoped that she’d felt like this at least once in her life, maybe a long time ago with her husband ... but he wouldn’t bet on it, which was just too bad for her. It was goddamn delightful. Kane was feeling too high and lazy to flip Adrian over and take this to any intense level, he was deeply cozy and the pleasure humming through him from Adrian’s stroking only enhanced that boneless sensation. After a few moments, he broke the kiss to spit into his palm before he slipped his hand down to take over stroking Adrian’s cock for him. Handling both wasn’t always the easiest, and Kane wanted to feel him tremble and twitch.
Without the kissing Adrian found himself staring at Kane's face like he could read it or find secrets hidden in the landscape of his skin. He liked the lines there, both the frown- and smile lines but mostly the smile ones because once he finally got to see Kane smile he couldn't stop thinking about it. Kane's hand on his cock registered differently, like it was a completely separate event in a separate body. He could enjoy both the physical pleasure and stay grounded in his sleepy thoughts, studying Kane's face and gingerly touching it, tracing Kane's jawline with his fingertips. His other hand had gone still, like he forgot what he was doing for a moment, arching into the way Kane stroked him and it was far better with spit, he remembered that now but he was a little preoccupied with Kane's face. His 'ugly mug', Adrian didn't get how he could think he was ugly, not when Adrian fucking loved his face.
Even the scrutiny -- which often made Kane uncomfortable from anyone else -- felt good at the moment, with that expression on Adrian’s features and those soft touches to his own face. He felt warm and seen and lovely, gazing right back at all the beautiful details of the man above him. Deep brown eyes he could drown in, those sensual lips, Kane even loved the scar that cut across his temple. And damn if Adrian’s cock didn’t feel delicious in his grip as Kane slid his hand gently up and down its length. He didn’t feel in a rush for anything at all, the weed making everything seem slow and glowy. He felt like he could do this for hours, just watching the flickers of pleasure crossing Adrian’s face.
Adrian felt like there were thousands of words streaming silently between them, words neither of them was ready to say out loud, words that probably didn't exist in any language. It all made sense at the moment and he leaned in to rest his forehead against Kane's, his fingers lingering against the side of his neck where he could feel his pulse, strong and steady. He wanted to say some of those words with his mouth but he knew they wouldn't make sense, wouldn't be real words, just sounds his heart wanted to make so he let himself stay silent, his breathing getting thicker as pleasure built in his core with every stroke of Kane's hand.
Kane was practically mesmerized by him, his own aching erection all but forgotten in favor of pure giving. He didn’t think either of them had the energy for real fucking tonight, but this felt like enough, and Kane wanted to make Adrian come right where he was so he could drink in every detail. He paused to quickly re-wet his hand, then tightened his grip as he went back to jerking Adrian off, loving how hot and taut his cock felt against his palm. That wasn’t nearly the only thing he was coming to love, and part of Kane was relieved that his brain was slow and floaty, or he might have been blurting out some stupid shit himself. Kane picked up the pace a little, following Adrian’s breaths to chase his pleasure and relishing the feel of Adrian’s body tightening up above him. “You gonna come for me?” he breathed. “I wanna feel it.”