Who: Jules and Jasper Where: Mercy When: late afternoon, Monday, July 2nd Status: complete
Jules was tired. Tired and sore. She wasn’t fond of being in the hospital but they told her and her mom that she would be there for a few days so Jules was trying not to whine too much about it. She didn’t really have the energy for it anyway. Ethan was in another room but her mom had told her that he was doing okay, so that had helped ease some of Jules’s worry. She couldn’t really remember much about the car accident or what came after. All she knew was her body hurt, her wrist was broken, her face was bruised and she had a nasty, acidic taste in her mouth.
No one would really tell her much. It had been raining and they got into an accident and they were lucky to be alive. All that stuff. Maybe later, when she was home and her head didn’t feel as though it had a wrecking ball inside of it, she would think about it and try to put the missing pieces of the puzzle together. Right now she just couldn’t find the motivation. Instead she was in bed, ignoring the tray of food the nurse had brought her moments earlier. There was some reality show on her television so she stared at the screen, trying to focus on something other than the night of the accident.
Point Pleasant was a small town and news traveled fast, which could be both a blessing and a curse. Jasper had only been at work at Fox’s garage for a few hours before someone he knew from school had come in with the news that Jules Cooper had been in an accident. He was giving Jasper a weird sort of look as he said this, like he was looking for some kind of reaction. Jasper didn’t give him the satisfaction, just asked one of the other mechanics to take over so he could go make a phone call. The girl at the Mercy reception desk confirmed that Jules was admitted, but that was all she would tell him over the phone.
His stomach was in knots until he worked up the nerve to ask Mr. Fox if he could leave early. He’d done it once already the week before, rushing out when Amelia needed him, and he didn’t want to look like some lazy asshole to his new boss. Fox let him go around three -- not that he got much work done anyway, it was hard to concentrate with his anxiety running rampant. Jasper headed immediately toward the hospital, his oil-stained fingers tight on the steering wheel. He had to see her, that was all he could clearly think. He had to.
To Jasper’s surprise, getting in to see Jules was as easy as signing a list and getting a sticker name tag at the front desk. She wasn’t in ICU, which was a huge relief, and she wasn’t refusing visitors or anything. The nurse pointed Jasper down the right hallway and before he knew it he was standing in front of her hospital room door. Feeling surreal and scared, Jasper knocked lightly on it as he started to push it open. “Jules?” he asked cautiously.
Jules tore her attention away from the television when she heard her name at the door. Her heart tripped at the sight of Jasper and she was torn between complete elation that he was there and utter humiliation that he was seeing her like this. Pushing herself up a bit, she gave him a faint smile, careful not to reopen the split in her lip. "Hi," she said, feeling lame and wishing she had a mirror to try and fix her messy hair. Stupid how she was worried about what she looked like after everything that had just happened. "Guess news travels fast, huh?"
She looked beat up and Jasper spotted the cast on her hand and wrist right away, and before he knew it hot rage was flashing through him. It had been a car accident, so there wasn’t a good direction for that rage -- but he was sure Ethan had been driving, and Jasper instantly wanted to strangle him in his own hospital bed for not being more goddamn careful with Jules in the car. He did his best to push all of that down and shut the door behind him before he walked closer to her, his brow furrowed and his jaw tight. “Yeah,” he murmured. “Mike Hodges came into the shop today and told me. I dunno who he heard it from ... How bad is it?” Jasper wasn’t going to ask if she was okay, because that was obviously stupid. He wanted to touch her so badly, hold her good hand, stroke her hair and kiss her face and tell her it would be okay, but he just shoved his fists into his pockets instead.
Jules wasn't surprised it had gotten around. Some of her friends knew and they were all blabbermouths so it was what it was. She probably would have texted or called Jasper anyway, just when she was home and not wearing a bland, boring hospital gown. "It's not that bad," she said, because he looked worried and she wanted to reassure him somehow. "Just some fractured ribs and my wrist. And I look like I got into a boxing match with... uh, some boxer guy. I don't even really remember much about what happened. Just... blacked out and woke up here. Do you want to sit or something?"
Just some fractured ribs and a broken wrist? Jasper wanted to go break Ethan’s face even more. On a reasonable level, he knew car accidents could happen to anyone and maybe Ethan was fucked up even worse, but Jules could’ve died. What if one of those broken ribs punctured a lung, or she went through the windshield and bled out or something? The idea made him feel like puking. What would he do if he lost her completely, especially during this time when they were on a break? Jasper considered taking one of the chairs, but he sat down on the edge of the hospital bed instead, next to Jules’s legs. “What led up to it, like ... was Ethan driving drunk or something?” he asked, his tone still low and quiet. The blacking out concerned him, especially with how hungover they’d both looked the other day at the carnival.
Jules's brows furrowed together, because that was the same question one of the deputies had asked when she was conscious again and able to talk to him. "No, he didn't drink anything... I didn't either. We were at the carnival and it was raining when we left and it was just... wrong place, wrong time." She didn't want to tell Jasper about the Fallows and her consistent high that had made her sick and probably encouraged some of the dumb things she had ended up doing. She didn't want to tell him that Ethan probably shouldn't have been driving that night either, because she had a feeling Jasper would blame Ethan and that could be a Bad Thing. At least she hadn't been so out of it that she hadn't put on her seat belt. Jules was pretty sure she would be dead if she hadn't. Her fingers itched to reach for Jasper's hand, but she clutched them in her blanket instead. "It was really just an accident, Jasper. I think the rain was to blame more than anything else."
It had definitely been a dangerous night to drive. Pouring rain, high winds, shitty visibility ... and it had all rolled in fast. Jasper didn’t feel charitable toward Ethan in the slightest, but he tried to calm down that protective anger. Jules should’ve been with him at the carnival on a summer Saturday night, enjoying a fun date with stupid rides and junk food. Had she been on a date with Ethan, or had it been more Just Friends stuff? He knew he couldn’t ask, and he knew he shouldn’t care because it wasn’t fair, but he did. Jasper took an unsteady breath, pulling his eyes up from Jules’s cast to her face, and nodded a little. The last thing she needed was him to get all dumb and emotional when she needed rest. “Well I’m glad you’re -- ... I’m glad it wasn’t worse,” he muttered, his gaze full of so much more. He pulled one hand out of his pocket, intending to take her hand, but Jasper chickened out at the last second and just let it rest on the bed next to her thigh. “I wanted to leave work right when I heard, but I’m tryin’ to like, keep this job.” He huffed softly.
Jules nodded a little, because she was glad it hadn't been worse too. Not only the car accident, but whatever had been going on inside of her before then. She glanced at his hand, not really sure if she should reach out and take it or not. But then she wondered what she would be feeling if he were the one in the hospital bed, so Jules let go of the blanket to take hold of his hand. He might not want her touching him, but she couldn't really help herself. She didn't know when she would get a chance to touch him again. Suddenly Jules wanted to cry, ask him to stay and not leave again. Jules knew on some level that she was just exhausted and her body hurt so she was just overly emotional, but it wasn't like she could switch them off. "I understand," Jules said, trying to keep her voice from wobbling. "I'm just glad you came to see me. I've missed you a lot."
Jasper immediately squeezed her hand tight, even though his fingers and nails looked filthy against her pale skin. He wanted to get closer, pull her into his arms and cling to her and maybe cry a little himself ... but she was hurt already, and he didn’t want to make it worse. His throat felt too thick for easy breathing, emotion pushing at the inside of his chest. They could’ve easily been in a car wreck together too, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she would’ve been safer with him. That he would’ve taken better care of her than Ethan ever could ... but that was bullshit, right? Jasper was the one who kept hurting her. Not physically, but in other ways that probably counted more. “I miss you too,” he said, doing worse at keeping his voice steady than Jules had. Tears he was trying to hold back clogged Jasper’s throat and he bent down to press the back of her hand against his hot cheek.
She wanted to tell him how many times she had picked up her phone to call or text him. She wanted to tell him that she had slept with Ethan and Clint and both times it had only ended with Jules missing Jasper even more. She wanted to tell him everything and beg him not to leave again. The words were all there on the tip of her tongue, but Jules couldn't bring herself to do it. She just wanted to cling to his hand and enjoy that one bit of physical affection. Even though she was still sore and it hurt to move, she tried anyway, scooting to the right. Pain shot through her ribs, but Jules didn't care. "Will you lay with me?" she asked after catching her breath. "Just for a bit?"
He looked up as she moved and Jasper could see the pain on her face and it hurt his heart. But he wasn’t about to turn down an offer like that, he wanted to be close to her too badly. Jasper nodded and reached down with his free hand to untie his boots so he could push them off with his toes, not wanting to get too much filth and grease on her bedsheets. He moved to settle at Jules’s side, being careful not to jostle her too much, and put his arm around her shoulders. He probably stunk like work -- oil, metal, and sweat -- but if Jules didn’t care then he didn’t either. It just felt so good to hold her again. Jasper couldn’t even put words to how relieved he was that she would heal and be okay, that it hadn’t been some asshole coming into the shop to tell him Jules was dead instead. He didn’t really trust his voice at the moment, so he just gingerly cradled Jules and turned his head to smell and kiss her hair.
Jules didn't care at all if Jasper was greasy and sweaty from work. He felt good beside her and she settled comfortably against him. She didn't like that the last two times they had seen each other was because of bad things. Amelia's friend and now this. But that reminded her... "Is Amelia's friend okay?" she asked after a moment, now that she was relaxing against his side. Jules couldn't remember much about helping them find the girl. Time over the past week or so seemed really spotty somehow, but she recalled being in the tent and being acutely aware of Jasper's own discomfort with Jules and Ethan opening a doorway for them.
Jasper settled into very lightly rubbing Jules’s back. He’d cracked a rib or two before, so he knew how much they could hurt. He hated that she was in that kind of pain -- plus a broken wrist -- and he wished he could take it all for her. Jasper’s brows rose at the question. He’d texted Jules to let her know Rebecca was fine and back home, like she’d asked him to, but maybe she’d forgotten now. They hadn’t exactly chatted about it much. “As far as I know, yeah,” he murmured. “We got her home to her parents, she was up moving around and talking by the time Barrett showed up. ... you saved her.” He smiled faintly and nuzzled in her hair a bit more. It had been a group effort, sure, but the retrieval wouldn’t have been possible without Jules. Jasper just wished he hadn’t had an embarrassing semi-panic-attack while it was happening.
The nuzzling prompted Jules to close her eyes. God, she missed being in his arms like this. For a while she could pretend everything was back to normal. But Jules didn't remember any texts he had sent. She didn't remember a lot of the last week at all. She was happy to hear that Amelia's friend was okay though. Probably traumatized, but alive. Wasn't that like, everyone in Point Pleasant? It was weird to hear Jasper say that she'd saved that girl. That wasn't really true, was it? "You and Amelia saved her," she corrected after a moment. "Amelia obviously cared enough to really search... and you were able to find her. We did the easy part." It wasn't easy, not really, but Jasper and Amelia had really done the work. "I'm sorry though... I remember you were uncomfortable. I know it wasn't easy for you to go through that again."
He wouldn’t have been able to find her at all if Jules hadn’t done what she’d had to do months ago in Blackwater Woods, but Jasper didn’t really want to point that out. He didn’t really want to remember any of that shit, so he didn’t want to force Jules to think about it either. He gave a soft grunt at her apology -- ‘uncomfortable’ didn’t really begin to cover it. He’d been terrified and panicky and a huge coward until Amelia provided enough protective inspiration to actually go through. Jasper had had a few bad dreams about it since then, where he got stuck again, trapped in some world he didn’t belong in that wanted to kill him, sleepy and paralyzed by the flowers while fog monsters rolled up to tear him to pieces. “None of it’s easy,” he murmured finally. “For any of us.” Well, maybe Ethan thought it was all a breeze, but fuck that guy. It was just a matter of time before he found out different, if he stuck around here.
Jasper was right, of course. They were all fucked up. It was her fault Jasper was fucked up and it was her fault Ethan was fucked up now too. Closing her eyes, Jules turned her head a little to press her face against him. Despite the smell of oil and grease from his job, she could still smell him beneath it all. His scent was long gone from her sheets at home, so it was nice to be enveloped in it again. As happy as she was to see him, it also hurt, reminding her that no amount of "slutty summer" was really going to help. Squeezing her eyes shut to try and keep the tears at bay, Jules didn't really trust herself to say anything else just yet.
They were definitely all fucked up to varying degrees, but Jasper didn’t place any of that blame on Jules. She wouldn’t have had to put him and all the others away if they hadn’t been trying to drain the whole town of their life force. Which hadn’t really been their fault either, it was this fucking cursed place and all the havoc it brought into people’s lives. His own throat felt tight and too full as Jules pressed in closer, his free hand coming up to cradle the side of her head. All he wanted to do was lay there and hold her until the hospital staff forced him out. Jasper loved Logan and everything they did together, but he missed Jules on such a deep level, he didn’t even know anymore if he’d made the right decision to take this break. It felt like parts of him were missing -- the parts that had died with his fog infection and from being Over There, and another big chunk that had centered itself around Jules. “I love you,” he finally whispered very softly. “And I miss you so much. I still feel like such a fuckin’ mess ... would you even want me back?”
The minute he spoke she squeezed her eyes shut even harder, but she could feel the tears leaking out anyway. It was both thrilling and distressing to hear him say he loved her because she knew eventually he would have to leave and then Jules had no idea when she would get to see or talk to him next. Licking the tears from her lips, Jules finally opened her eyes and reached out to grip his shirt a little, just to hang onto him in case he might suddenly disappear. "Of course I would. I love you too," Jules said, once she was sure she could speak without her voice wavering. She didn't exactly succeed, but oh well. She was feeling too emotional to care if he knew she was emotional. "I've been trying so hard to just... be normal and do normal things and I keep messing everything up because I don't even know what normal feels like anymore. Not being with you just feels like... wrong." She didn't want to guilt him into getting back together, and she wasn't even expecting that to happen. Jules just wanted him to know how she felt, especially after waking up in the hospital the day before. It was scary and terrifying how quickly bad things could happen.
Really, the fact that Jules was emotional made him believe everything she said even more. Jasper was still struggling to see how anybody in their right mind could love him, especially now that he was so damaged. Maybe that was just a projection of how he felt about himself, but the doubt was so real in his head, he didn’t know how to get around it. People kept doing it for him -- his dad had forgiven him for killing Joseph, even if he hadn’t had the full truth, Caden didn’t seem to despise him, Jules somehow still loved him, Logan knew everything and didn’t think he was a monster, Amelia loved him. It was baffling and hard to accept sometimes. What he did know was the way his insides had frozen up at the news that Jules was hurt and in the hospital, and that frantic feeling that he had to get to her. And she’d obviously wanted him to show up. What was he even doing? Staying single just so he could get his rocks off a different way? Fuck. Jasper started to squeeze her tighter and then stopped himself as he remembered her ribs. “I dunno what normal feels like anymore either,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you so much. I just ... want everything to be okay again, but I dunno how to get there.”
Jules had gone through a range of emotions over the past month, being apart from Jasper. Anger and hurt and anger again. Thinking she was finally getting over him and moving on. And then just missing him. That part never really stopped. And she knew how hard it was going to be when he left again. "I... don't think things are ever going to be okay again. At least not the way it was before." Before the fog and everything that came after. She licked her lips again and exhaled slowly, lifting her face just enough to press it against his throat. It hurt some of the bruising on her face but Jules didn't care. "I think it's just kind of like... adapting to how things are now instead of trying to be normal again. Or maybe I'm just loopy on my pain medication and I have no idea what I'm saying."
Jasper knew somewhere that things would never be exactly how they were Before, but the idea they would never be okay again at all hit him like a punch in the chest. Maybe Jules was just feeling defeated and sad because of everything, but it rang so true to how Jasper often felt, it really sucked to hear her say it. She was right though -- they had to adapt. Even if things ended up okay later, they had to get there first. “I’m okay with not normal,” he said quietly. “I dunno that my life was ever that, not for very long. Maybe it doesn’t even really exist. I just ... can’t feel like this forever.” Things had to get better at least, or Jasper was pretty sure he would really start to consider driving his car off a cliff. He never wanted to say that to anybody because they would worry and make a fuss, but he felt it down deep. Jasper just didn’t really know how to fix any of it.
Jules nodded slowly, because she understood what he meant. At least as much as she could understand. Her head still felt foggy from the accident and the meds they were pumping into her but she had no idea how to help him. She didn't really know what he wanted from her anymore, other than to be there if he needed her, which she was. She knew she would do whatever it took to help, if she could. Silent, Jules just listened to him breathe, enjoying the feel of his arms still around her. For one, hazy moment, she worried she might be dreaming, or hallucinating all of this. She would wake up and be alone in the bed. The thought made Jules curl a bit more into Jasper, just to feel more of him. "This feels okay," Jules murmured finally. "Right now. I feel okay."
He tried to assess how he felt himself. Not great. There was an uncomfortable knot of guilt and shame in the pit of Jasper’s stomach that always seemed to grow bigger whenever Jules was around. She said she wanted him back, but if they tried, would she be able to forgive him? Would she constantly worry about Logan and feel jealous? Was Jasper just toxic to her now? He didn’t know what he wanted from her either ... but he didn’t know what he wanted in general, to be fair. To not hurt anymore, to feel like he had a place in the world. He closed his eyes and tried to stop thinking in so many circles. “Good,” he murmured back. “I was afraid me coming here would just make you feel worse.”
Jules was finding it too exhausting to think about things anymore, especially because she never came to any kind of conclusion and it always ended with her feeling unsure and upset. She didn't know if Jasper would forgive her for sleeping with other people, or if he would even care. She didn't know anything right now. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was there and he loved her. Jules finally felt like she ought to look at him, so she did, pulling back a bit so she could see his face. "You know you don't have to do anything alone. I'm here."
Jasper looked down at her when she tilted her face up, his palm giving her hair a stroke. He appreciated the sentiment, but he’d been discovering that even having the people who loved him physically around wasn’t enough to fix that feeling of being alone. Maybe it was more a matter of having people around who completely understood what he’d been through. Jasper needed to reach out and connect with those people more, he knew that. Maybe it would help all the other relationships in his life too. But it felt good that Jules still wanted to be there for him. With him. “I know,” he murmured. He wished he could say the same to her, but Jasper knew that would probably sound like bullshit. He was still struggling to hang on himself, he couldn’t really support anyone else too. “I just wanna ... be good for you, and not like, a burden.”
"You're not a burden," Jules murmured before resting her head against him again. Love wasn't a burden. It was supposed to stay steady through everything, even the hard stuff. But Jules knew he hadn't come here for some kind of reunion or anything. They weren't getting back together. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes, thinking about how scared she had been when she "woke up", when she felt the pain in her body and saw her mom standing over her looking pale and worried. It was hard to think there's always tomorrow because that wasn't true at all. Maybe she was too young to be introduced to mortality, but there it was. "Will you just stay for a little while longer?" she asked. Jules didn't know when she would see him again, so she might as well get as much as she could now.
She said that, and Jasper believed that she believed it, but he didn’t know if it was actually true or not. Jules hadn’t been with him much since he’d been home, for obvious reasons, and Jasper didn’t know how she would be handling all of his anxiety and mood swings, or the nightmares, or how much he was drinking and smoking weed to try and quiet it all down. He’d been doing a bit better on that front now, having a job to keep up with, but so much of his life still felt like a mess. And Jules’s words about him not coming back until he was sure he wanted her and only her still lived loud and clear in his mind. Jasper missed her deeply and he felt like he didn’t want to leave this hospital bed until he was forced to, but could he promise he had no lusty feelings for anyone else? Not today, and he didn’t want to lie to her. He gently kissed Jules’s forehead and murmured, “I’ll stay until you want me to leave. Or the nurses kick me out. ... Can I come see you tomorrow?”
Jules almost said no, because it was instinctual and because she knew the more she saw him, the harder it would be. But she also said she would be there for him and she meant that, even if it was difficult. There was just a resignation sinking in and Jules realized that even if she never had Jasper as her own again, she definitely didn't want to lose him in every aspect. They could still be a part of each other's lives, even if it wasn't in the way it used to be. "Yeah," she said. "I'm already super bored whenever I'm awake, so company would be nice. Company that isn't mom, I mean." The nurses may not like that Jasper was laying in her bed with her, but Jules didn't care. "I'm really glad I got to see you today."
Ew, her mom. Jasper definitely didn’t want to run into that woman here, but he wasn’t going to let it stop him from coming to see Jules. It occurred to him that he could just use his new power to see where Ms. Cooper was, and it was like a mini-revelation in his brain. He could avoid whoever he wanted to from now on. Maybe he could start using it more often and get better at it. If Jasper was stuck with being permanently Different, he might as well lean into it and use it to his advantage, right? “I’m glad I got to see you too,” Jasper said, rubbing lightly at her back. “Even the other day, with everything going on, it was good to see you.” It had definitely been hard, but still good. “Do you want me to bring you like, some magazines or anything? Coloring books?” He smirked faintly.
So much of the week was blurry in her mind now. It felt silly now, to realize how bad things were getting at the time and she hadn't known. Or she hadn't cared. Jules couldn't really remember. It had been difficult seeing Jasper but Jules knew she'd been happy enough to help and she was glad Amelia's friend was home and safe. It made her wonder how many people were missing in another place, right on the other side of Point Pleasant. Could she help them? She wasn't really in the right state of mind to think about all of that just yet. Chuckling softly at the thought of having coloring books in the hospital, Jules shook her head slowly. "I'm okay. I just want you. But I mean... if a Moxie's milkshake makes it this way, I'm not going to complain."
I just want you. It was probably stupid how much that made his insides flutter. Maybe he shouldn’t, but Jasper desperately wanted Jules to still want him in every possible way. It was selfish and maybe a little cruel, considering, but he still felt it down deep. He chuckled at the last bit, and Jasper kissed her forehead again. “We’ll see what happens,” he murmured warmly, now fully planning to bring her a large milkshake the next day. Maybe he would bring her something else tastier than hospital food, too. “Do you know how long they’re gonna keep you here?” Jasper was sure her mom would want to be the one to take her home, but if he could get to see her after that ... he wanted to.
It felt nice, every time he kissed her forehead. She wanted to kiss him on the mouth but with her split lip, she wasn't sure how nice it would be for him. But any kind of physical affection was welcome at this point. It was crazy how much Jules had missed touching Jasper, even like this. It wasn't something she'd wanted to think about but now that she was in his arms, everything sort of rushed to the surface again. "I think they told my mom I have to be here until at least Thursday. They've been doing blood tests and stuff." Jules shrugged softly. "Once those come back I guess I can go home. I'll probably be stuck at home for a while, which sucks. Are you... do have any days off this week?"
“Thursday? Just for a car accident?” Jasper questioned with a vague frown. Did that mean she had some bad internal injuries? He got another rush of concern -- and resentful anger toward Ethan for crashing the goddamn car. If Jules’s head was really hurt or anything, would she still be sitting up and talking to him? She’d said blood tests ... was the hospital checking to see if they’d been on drugs? He didn’t want to flood her with questions, but he suddenly had a lot of them. “But uh ... yeah, I’m off tomorrow, and then not ‘til Sunday. But we close around five, so I’ve got like, evenings free.”
Jules knew the majority of her injuries had come from the car accident. But considering she wasn't feeling naturally buzzed or high anymore, she had to assume whatever she had breathed in at the Fallows was gone too. And she was afraid the doctors knew something, or suspected something. But she was too afraid to ask. She wanted to talk to Ethan but they hadn't been able to see one another since the accident. "Yeah... precautions, maybe. I don't know." It wasn't the time to get into all of that and she honestly didn't really want Jasper to know she'd been opening doorways with Ethan anyway. He might get upset with her the way Greg had. "Will you come see me, though? I mean, you don't have to every night or anything, just... whenever you want."
It made Jasper want to find a doctor and shake them until answers came out, but he knew that would be useless and stupid. He wasn’t family. He wasn’t even her boyfriend anymore. At least for now. But knowing that Jules was still under testing and observation and shit meant that he would definitely be coming back before she left. Maybe every night, or at least most of them. “‘Course I will,” Jasper murmured to Jules, his hand still slowly rubbing her back. That was why he’d asked if he could see her the next day, but if she needed the reassurance that he wanted to be there for her, Jasper was happy to give it to her. He could at least show up for a couple of hours and distract her from the hospital boredom. “You’ve got your phone, right? You can text me whenever you want, too. It might take me a bit to get back to you when I’m working, but I’ll try.”
She really hoped he would. Jules had plenty of "friends" and people to wander in and out, but she wanted to see Jasper more than any of them. It had been tough to be apart, more than just romantically. He had been there from the very beginning of all of the weird stuff, so she didn't really feel the need to hide it from him the way she did with other people in her life. "I have my phone, yeah," she murmured. "Do you like working? I mean... at least like what you're doing?" Had she asked him that before? Jules couldn't really remember. The last time they had really talked had been over Facetime, but that felt so long ago in her mind. She thought it was kind of sexy, picturing Jasper fixing cars. And she was glad that he was doing something to make some money. She would have to do that eventually, but it definitely wasn't on her agenda to happen anytime soon.
Jasper chuckled faintly at the way she caught herself -- who really liked to work? He was sure there were some people out there who loved their jobs, but for the most part it was one of those Have To things in life. “Yeah ... I mean, getting up early sucks, but I like the work, and Mr. Fox lets me keep one earbud in while I’m doing it, so I’ve got my music and everything,” he told Jules. “I’m getting better at stuff. Sometimes my uncle Aaron stops by to check in, give me some pointers. And Fox said I can use the shop to work on my car after hours after I’ve been there a while, so that’s pretty cool.” All in all it was a good gig, and Jasper was grateful to Ruby and Aaron that they’d put in a good word for him. Trying to learn new mechanic skills and not fuck up any customers’ cars also kept his mind more occupied during the day, and that was definitely something he needed. “I can probably get you a discount if you need any work done, too.”
It sounded like a really good thing for Jasper, and she was happy for that. Stability was always a good thing, right? Plus he didn't have to deal with people all the time like he might have had to somewhere else. "My car is okay so far... I think. No lights are on or anything. But I'll tell you if something needs fixed." Jules was kind of grateful it hadn't been her car that she and Ethan had destroyed Saturday night, as selfish as that may be. She had already wrecked her car months ago when she drove it off the road. "Maybe you'll own your own auto shop in town someday," Jules said after a moment. "That'd be pretty cool."
Working at the shop was definitely better than any other job Jasper had ever had, and he really hoped he could hang onto it. Ruby’s dad had been really cool to him so far, and Jasper didn’t want to let him down, or the people who had vouched for him. He just kind of felt like he was destined to fuck anything up, so time would tell. He huffed softly at the prospect of owning his own business, then grinned a bit. “Amelia thinks I should be a detective or something, since I can find people now,” he said with a low chuckle. “Can you imagine me as a cop? Maybe I can be like, a psychic consultant and charge them a bunch of money.” Or he could become some private investigator or a bounty hunter or something more cool than a police officer. His family might disown him if he became a pig.
Jules lifted a brow and looked up at Jasper, a small smile playing at her lips. "That's actually a really good idea. I mean, if that's something you'd want to do. You'd look really hot in a uniform too. But I can also see you consulting and making tons of money off of it. Your dad would totally flip if you became a cop." A soft chuckle escaped her. "Like, he'd flip internally though, because your dad doesn't emote much. It'd be like... internal flail." It was kind of cool to imagine Jasper doing something useful with his ability. Finding people. God knew there were enough missing people in this town. "Would you want do that?"
He scoffed a bit at the idea of looking hot in a uniform, though it made him grin at the same time. Jasper had never thought of himself as one of those types of guys -- uniform guys. He had no desire to join the military, and something did feel wrong about becoming a cop, but that could just be his upbringing talking, right? “Yeah, he’s pretty good at that internal flail shit,” he chuckled. He could picture his dad’s constipated face now, if both of his kids ended up in law enforcement. “I dunno, though. Like it’d be cool to put it to good use, but ... maybe I could be like a bounty hunter. Or a treasure hunter or some shit. There’s so many stupid bullshit laws I wouldn’t wanna enforce, you know? Fuck the police is practically our family motto. ‘Cept for my sister, now. But she only got raised partway as a Lucas.”
Jasper may not go down that path but Jules was still enjoying the mental image of Jasper in a cop uniform. Everyone in town would probably die of shock if a Lucas became a cop, considering they seemed to always be on the other side of the law. "It makes sense to put it to good use," Jules said after a moment of thought. "I don't think any of this happened for a reason, but if something good could come out of it...people go missing in this town all the time. It would be amazing if you could help find them." Hopefully they all weren't on some other dimensional plane or whatever. Jules would do what she did for Rebecca for other people, but it also seemed dangerous, considering one of those doorways nearly killed her and Ethan.
He knew enough about the awfulness of the world to know that putting his power to good use -- trying to find Point Pleasant’s missing -- would mean finding a lot of corpses. Jasper wasn’t naive enough to think most of them ended up in some idyllic other dimension. Not that any of the other dimensions he’d heard anything about were idyllic, they’d all been waking nightmares so far. But still, he was sure the majority of disappearances just ended with someone dead in the woods. Was he prepared to do that kind of thing? Not yet, but he still had a long future ahead of him. He hoped he still had that, anyway. As much as he sometimes wanted his own suffering to end, he wanted a future even more. “Yeah, it’d be pretty amazing,” Jasper murmured, his fingers idly stroking Jules’s back. “We’ll see how it goes. For all I know it’s temporary and it’ll just ... fade out or something.” He couldn’t sound very convinced of that, however. “We’d make a good like, inter-dimensional search and rescue team. If I can get over bein’ a pussy about it.” Jasper chuckled faintly.
Jules knew it was silly to try and predict what could happen, especially with Jasper. She hadn't been in that other place and she had no idea if what happened to him would stick or not. She was grateful that he and the others hadn't been affected the way she and Ethan had been, though Jasper's affliction was probably more permanent than the black worms. She certainly felt more normal now than she had over the past week or so. "I don't think you're a pussy," Jules said after a moment. "I would be nervous around it too, especially after what happened. I think... part of why I'm here now is because of one of those places. Even if they look normal, or pretty, there's always something underneath it all. I think people have a reason to be scared of it." She didn't think she was scared, but she was definitely having second thoughts about continuing to help Dr. Wilkes. Jules didn't want to cause anymore problems or put anyone else in danger, especially herself.
It was kind of reassuring to hear that she didn’t think he was a pussy. Jasper knew he shouldn’t care what anybody thought about him and what he’d been through, but he did. Especially Jules. And while she’d seen -- and been the target of -- his worst behavior in the days before he’d disappeared, Jasper didn’t think she’d witnessed him so overcome with fear before. It was embarrassing. The rest of what she said caught more of his attention though, and he frowned a bit, tilting his head to look down at her. “What do you mean, why you’re here now?” he asked. She’d just been in a car accident, right? Had her portals contributed to that somehow?
Jules wasn't entirely sure she wanted to tell Jasper what had happened because it had been such a stupid thing to do. But she looked up at him anyway and frowned. "We found a place at the Fallows... it was like... this natural high. In the air or something. Even when we came home, we still felt it. But I guess we breathed in something bad when we were there. It's why we got into the accident. Our... bodies were just shutting down. Dr. Wilkes had to come here to fix it. I don't know a lot of the details but that's what my mom told me. That's why I have to stay a few extra days. It was stupid. I just thought I could handle stuff now." Obviously she was wrong. But she had been looking for a distraction and it hadn't seemed to matter what kind.
“Jesus, Jules,” he murmured, the concern loud and clear on his face. “Shutting down? What kind of high was that?” Jasper was the last person to judge anybody enjoying a high, but this one had obviously been dangerous. Something like the flowers that were so determined to put them to sleep in the world Rebecca had been lost in. Were all of the worlds Jules could open dangerous? It was really starting to seem like it. “When was this? After we saw you at the carnival?” Or had it been earlier than that, and that was why Ethan and Jules had both looked so sickly when they’d all been together?
She had no idea what kind of high it was. It had been something of a rollercoaster, but it had been nice because anytime she started feeling sad or upset, it seemed to shift her brain into something more pleasant. A nice way to distract her from what it was doing to her body. "It was... I guess a week and a half ago? I don't remember exactly." Everything remained a bit of a blur and her lowkey headache certainly didn't help when she tried to think about it. "I know it was dumb and I'm not going to do it again." Unless she was asked to... for something really important, like finding someone, or rescuing them. Maybe Greg had been right about everything. Jules didn't know and she didn't want to give it too much thought at the moment.
So it had been before everything with Rebecca. Quite a bit before, since that hadn’t even been a week ago. Jasper felt a stab of irrational guilt that he hadn’t known anything was wrong with her. How was he supposed to know that when they’d barely been talking? But that situation was his fault anyway. Maybe if they’d still been together, she wouldn’t have gone into that place with Ethan, or Jasper would’ve noticed an issue with her sooner or ... something. And now Jules was in the hospital for a while. If her body had been shutting down, she could’ve died. Maybe the car accident part of it was a stroke of luck, what if she’d just shut down in bed at home or something? The idea made Jasper’s stomach churn with fresh anxiety. “Fuck, baby,” he whispered as he squeezed her tighter, not overthinking the words. “You’re not -- you’re gonna be okay though, right? I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, I fuckin’ ... should’ve been there for you.”
Jules didn't want Jasper to feel any guilt. It was her own fault, after all and he had no way of knowing what was going on. It wasn't like they had been talking every day. "I'll be okay," she promised, tucking her face against his neck again. "I feel like myself again, so I think getting into the accident was probably a good thing, as crappy as it is. And you couldn't have known anyway, Jasper. There's nothing you could've done." Jules understood how he felt though. She felt like she ought to know what to do or say to help him, even though rationally she knew it wasn't that easy. He was there with her now though, and that mattered, even if he would eventually have to go. "I'm glad you're here now," she murmured. "That's all I want."
There was nothing he could’ve done as things were now, but if he could’ve stopped being selfish and stayed together with her ... But that wasn’t how it had shaken out, and thinking about all of these what-ifs could drive him fucking insane, so he tried to stop. Jules hadn’t died in bed, she hadn’t died in the car crash, she was alive and here and getting help, and she was warm and solid in his arms, and all Jasper wanted to do was kiss her. He clung to her for a moment, more than glad he was there now too, then pulled back a little and moved one hand to tilt her chin up again. Jasper kissed her as soft and gentle as he could since her lip was split, emotion making his nose sting all over again.
It was a familiar sensation, having Jasper's lips on her own again. It was like waking up after weeks of darkness, those pleasant tingles running to the tips of her fingers and toes again. Her chest felt tight with emotion and Jules tried not to let any tears leak out from her closed eyes. It was silly to want to cry, especially since she had been missing Jasper for so long. It had just been weeks of emotional rollercoasters and stupid decisions and uncertainty and now, just being pressed closed to Jasper and having him kiss her... how did it feel like everything could suddenly be okay? There was no guarantee of it, but for this brief moment, she could believe it. Jules brought her hand up to touch his face, her fingers resting at his jaw as she kissed him back, not wanting to tear open her lip again but also wanting to taste just a little more.
So many things in his life hadn’t felt right since he’d come back from hell, it had felt impossible to figure out the root of all of those bad feelings, but Jasper knew deep down that a good chunk of that not-rightness came from missing having Jules in his life. There was nothing easy or straightforward about their relationship now, they’d passed that point long ago, and waiting around for things to feel easy again was probably only going to make it all hurt worse for longer ... and eventually let Jules slip through his fingers completely. It made him want to bundle her up in her hospital sheets and carry her out of there, take her home with him and just hole up in his basement with her for a week. Jasper kissed her until he had to breathe, but didn’t put much distance between them, sniffling a bit as he pressed his forehead to hers. “I wanna be with you again,” he murmured softly. “It’s just ... gonna be work. And different than it was.”
Jules opened her eyes, her hand slipping back to curl around the nape of his neck as his forehead pressed to hers. She had been wanting to hear him say that for a long time and even now she wondered if she was dreaming. But Jules also didn't know if he would've come to that conclusion if she hadn't been in the hospital. "Are you sure?" she whispered. "I don't... want you to feel like it's something you have to do just because I was an idiot. I told you I'd wait for you." And obviously she would, even if she "moved on". Jules had already been trying that and here she was, a puddle in his arms within minutes of him coming to see her. "I love you and I want to be with you too... even if it's hard."
Jasper had known that he wanted to end up back with Jules, he’d just been hoping he would get to a place where he could do that and actually be a good boyfriend. Stable and faithful and completely forgiving and with all of his shit sorted out. He didn’t feel like he was there yet, not by far ... but trying to do all of that while they were apart clearly wasn’t working. They were both disasters -- Jules more than Jasper had ever thought, apparently. “I know, and it’s not-- ... what if you didn’t make it?” he whispered back, rough with emotion. Jasper squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his lips to Jules’s forehead for a second. “And I wasn’t here when you needed me with the-- the abortion, and I wasn’t with you for this, and I just ... things are shitty, and they’re even more shitty without you. I love you too, I never stopped.”
Jules had no idea what stability felt like anymore. The idea of going back to some kind of normal life felt impossible. She didn't blame Jasper for not being there when she found out she was pregnant. He wasn't there because he was in that other place, because of her. Jules knew if he had been there, he would have supported her and done everything his dad had ended up doing instead. "Those things aren't your fault," Jules said, closing her eyes when he kissed her forehead. "But I never stopped loving you either, Jasper. I missed you so much. I was just trying to find ways not to miss you and it just didn't work." She never wanted to pressure him into getting back together, aware that he needed to figure himself out. But Jules had no idea who she was anymore either. Maybe they could figure it out together... even if Jules knew it wouldn't be easy. So much had happened.
Part of him immediately wanted to know what kind of ‘ways’ she had tried, but he knew that was a completely unfair thing to demand, and he probably didn’t really want to know. He’d done plenty of shit that would likely upset Jules during this time apart, and he was sure the reverse was true too. It didn’t matter, he couldn’t allow it to matter. He just needed her in his life, and he needed to be there if something like this went wrong again. The world kept reminding them that they weren’t actually invincible teenagers, things could change in a blink, and Jasper would never forgive himself if he lost her while they were separated. They could figure the rest of it together, couldn’t they? They could at least try, and if it didn’t work from there at least they’d put the effort in to save their relationship. “I missed you too,” he murmured thickly. “I’m sorry.” Jasper moved to kiss her lips carefully again.
Jules wasn't really in the right state of mind to start going over all of the things she did since she and Jasper had broken up. But she knew enough to realize that she didn't want to tell him about Ethan... or Clint. At least not yet. It was possible it wouldn't matter, but it still didn't feel like the right time. She certainly didn't want to ask about Logan or anyone else Jasper might have hooked up with. At the moment, it didn't matter to her. All that mattered was that Jasper was there with her. Jules reveled in that fact while his lips were on hers and for a split second, she was afraid this might have been a dream. They were pumping her full of pain killers, after all. It could be that she was asleep and would wake up at any moment. But his lips certainly felt real, as did the warmth of his body pressed to hers. She had wondered if she would ever get to kiss him again and she never wanted to stop. But she needed to breathe eventually, so Jules pulled back a little and pressed a kiss to his chin. "We'll take it slow," she murmured. "Ease back into things?" Jules wanted him back in her life, but she also didn't want to overwhelm everything, or pretend they could turn back time and have it be exactly the way it had been.
Jasper nodded, brushing his nose against hers. He sniffed again and kissed the spot between Jules’s eyebrows. They were closer than they’d been in so long, and it felt so goddamn good to press his lips against any part of her again. It wasn’t going to fix everything, it might even be harder in ways, but the relief and happiness in his jumbled mess of emotions assured him it would be worth it. “Yeah,” he murmured back after clearing his throat a little. “We can go easy. And we don’t have to talk about anything heavy until you’re out of here. I just wanna see you.” Maybe Jules would sleep on it and have second thoughts, they were both in a vulnerable state at the moment. Jasper didn’t want to rush them on anything either, but just knowing that both of them wanted to try again and work on it gave him all kinds of feelings. It would be like starting over, but maybe that would help the both of them.
The last time Jasper had touched her had been the night of Theo's boat party, when she asked him to come over when she got home. It really hadn't been that long ago, had it? Either way, it felt long. She was already wishing he could just lay there in her hospital bed with her until she was discharged. But they wouldn't let him and he had to work anyway. "I just want to see you too," Jules murmured. All the heavy stuff could wait. She just wanted to get on more even ground with him before they had to deal with all the other stuff. Starting over might not work out, but it could also be even better. All Jules knew was that she was willing to try. Maybe she wouldn't feel so lost with Jasper back in her life. It was kind of crazy to think that a year ago they were barely talking, but driving around town to find a private spot to have sex in. Even that felt like ages ago. They were completely different people back then. "How long can you stay tonight?"
“I dunno ... when’s visiting hours over? Five? Six?” Jasper had never visited anybody in the hospital who made him want to stick around until the nurses kicked him out, but he didn’t want to leave Jules until he had to. As much as his mind wanted to anxiously speculate about how it would all go, if he’d learned anything lately it was that he couldn’t predict jack shit and it was useless to even try. It didn’t always stop his brain from spiraling, but sometimes it made it easier to get out of. He wanted to find a way to move forward with Jules, to still build something with her even if it looked different than their original vision. He loved her and apparently even a breakup couldn’t change that. Jasper told himself they could figure everything else out as they went. And they didn’t have to do any of that today. “Wanna watch TV or something? Or you could just nap if you wanna ...”
"Six, I think. But... I mean, you don't have to stay that long if you've got other stuff you've got to do. Maybe just for a while?" Jules wasn't going to ever kick him out. Someone else was going to have to do it. A small part of her was afraid that Jasper would change his mind as soon as he walked out the door. Like they were running on emotion right now and nothing else. It was possible that she would fall asleep anyway and he could slip out, but if she kept him there with her, then everything would work out. "We can watch tv. It's crappy hospital tv so there's nothing good on right now. I really hate being here."
“Nothing else I’d rather be doing,” Jasper murmured. All he would do at home was get high and take a shower and sit around, and he wanted to be right where he was much more than that. It would be nice to be clean, but it could wait. He wasn’t even hungry yet, so dinner wasn’t on his mind either. Jasper gave a thoughtful grunt about the TV options, then pulled his phone out of his pocket. He pulled up YouTube and started thumbing in a search. “Here, cute animal videos are like, good for your health, right?” he asked with a faint smile. “Or you wanna watch something else?” A lot of times the internet was better than TV, and Jasper had turned to watching compilations of puppies more than once to distract himself from despair, maybe it would help Jules too for a bit.
It had to be boring sitting around a hospital room with crappy tv, but Jules wasn't going to say anything about it, especially because she wanted him to stay. The emotion of the last few minutes seemed to have sapped any energy she had left for the time being and her entire body felt heavy and ready for sleep. Maybe it helped that Jasper was there with her. Jules settled back a bit against the bed pillow, amused when Jasper pulled up a cute animal video on his phone. "Cute animals is better than what I've been watching. But as long as you stay for a while, I don't care what we watch. Just stay." He already said he would but maybe she was still deeply scared that this was still part of a dream. She curled up against Jasper as best she could with her ribs hurting, wanting nothing more than to breathe him in and relax.
Jasper turned his head to kiss her forehead again. He didn’t give a shit about the hospital room and its crappy TV -- he would sit with her in a cardboard box with nothing in it if she needed him. And she seemed to need him tonight. It was good to feel that again. “I’m not going anywhere,” he murmured to reassure her. He’d meant it when he said he would stay until someone told him to leave, but he could sympathize with the worry. Jasper would just prove it to her. He settled his head against hers and watched the screen as the cute music started up over a compilation of baby animals doing cute things. He turned the volume down a bit and settled into the mindless comfort in it, just wanting to be with Jules for as long as he could.