Who: Aaron & Adrian Where: Home When: Sunday evening, 7/1 Status: complete
Adrian left Mila to get some sleep, quickly texting Kane that he wouldn't be coming tonight before he headed downstairs. He'd been overly optimistic about leaving the house, he knew that now, he didn't think he'd dare to go anywhere so shortly after Mila had been in the hospital. The idea of grabbing a beer with Aaron had sounded so good until he remembered he'd be useless if he drank so he planned on just grabbing one for Aaron and getting a soda for himself. Aaron had beaten him to the beer, already in the kitchen with a cold one and Adrian joined him there, grabbed a can of cold cola from the fridge and then sat down at the table opposite him. "How are you holding up?" he asked as he popped the can open, studying Aaron's face. He knew he was probably still scared, Adrian had been scared and he was used to medical jargon whereas Aaron was like a fish out of water with all this stuff. He looked a little antsy and Adrian hoped a nice, quiet evening at home with a movie would make both him and Mila feel better. Adrian was already a little calmer himself after talking to Mila though he kind of wished he had some supernatural insight into what might really be going on with her.
While Mila and Adrian had some time together, Aaron had decided he wanted to drink some, but not enough to get really drunk, just in case something else happened in the middle of the night. Adrian would be there, and Aaron trusted him to take care of shit, but he wanted to be on his game for his pregnant fiancee, and able to help. So just a few beers to calm his nerves and help him sleep. He was still on his first one, sitting in the kitchen and zoning out a bit, when Adrian appeared and joined him. Aaron blinked and sat up a little straighter, not even really aware of how his knee was bouncing under the table. “Hm? Oh I’m fine,” he said without thinking about it too much. It was a reflexive answer. “How’s Mila doing?”
It was sadly obvious how not fine Aaron was but Adrian wasn't going to call him out on it, nodding instead and answering his question. "She's good, actually staying in bed. She wants to nap for a bit and then we're all gonna watch a movie she gets to pick, so brace yourself for something corny." It was a joke, mostly. Maybe she'd pick something incredibly lame and Adrian would still enjoy watching it, it'd be a nice reprieve from worrying. Odds were she'd pick something funny so he just hoped it'd be entertaining either way. "She's gonna talk to her regular doctor as soon as she can, just make sure everything is on the up and up. ER docs are fine but they're not experts on pregnancy. All that matters right now is that both she and the baby are fine. They wouldn't have let her go home otherwise." He was rambling, probably saying more than he needed to and maybe doing a bit of 'talking out of his ass' on this one. He just wanted Aaron to calm down and he really didn't need him worrying about the kind of stuff Mila was currently worrying about.
All of them watching a corny movie together sounded really nice to Aaron, and he smiled faintly. Mila did have pretty girly taste in movies, but he would lay there and watch anything at all to make her happy. He nodded slowly through the rest of Adrian’s reassurances, though there was obvious doubt still lingering in his expression. “Yeah they’re fine ... but the baby’s bigger than they think she should be, and that’s not good, right?” he asked. He didn’t think Adrian was a pregnancy-specific nurse himself, but he at least knew more about all of this than Aaron did. He didn’t think Adrian would bullshit him too much if there was something to worry about -- he hoped not, anyway. He didn’t want Mila to be worried and stressed, especially if she was already having some pregnancy issues, but both of them shouldn’t be in the dark if there was a problem. “Like that’s kind of a basic thing a doctor like that should know, isn’t it?”
"It's not uncommon," Adrian said as reassuringly as he could. "Mila could have gestational diabetes which means her blood sugar is too high. The doctors usually don't check it until the sixth month but I'm sure doctor Becker will look into it now. Or maybe your daughter is just in a rush. No pregnancy is the same." At this point he was reassuring himself too because the thought of Mila's baby being something out of that tunnel wasn't anything he could live with and he needed to believe his little niece was going to be born healthy and at the very least mostly human. He already knew she wasn't fully so, but that didn't mean she was some screeching hell spawn. "Medicine is like... learning as you go. Bodies are so weird and so different. A baby being slightly ahead of the curve in size is the least weird thing I've heard of, trust me."
Adrian knowing of a possible reason this was going on made Aaron relax a tiny bit. At least it was a thing that could happen. Besides, maybe their daughter would just be a big baby. Mila was petite and slim, but Aaron was a pretty beefy guy, so it stood to reason that he could produce large children, right? “Okay,” he murmured, giving Adrian a brief, faint smile before he lifted his beer to his lips again. Aaron took a long pull, then set the bottle down and stared at it for a couple of heartbeats. “‘Cause, I just ... we can’t lose another one, Adrian,” he said softly, without looking up. So many horrible things had happened to him and his family, but the loss of their first baby and everything that had come after it had been devastating. Aaron didn’t know if they could bounce back again. People recovered from miscarriages all the time, but theirs had been particularly fraught with nightmarish horror, and he knew Mila’s mental state was fragile in spots.
"Hey," Adrian said gently. "That's not gonna happen." Could he be sure? No, but he was for some reason and he was glad for it because then none of this felt like a placating lie. "We'll sit on Mila to make her stay in bed if we have to, she'll get her rest until she's cleared, Doctor Becker will monitor the baby and everything will be just fine. The first three months are the most risky and they said the baby's a little big, not that it has anything abnormal going on with it." He raised his own can, as he considered it, then smiled a bit cheekily. "Hell, maybe that ER doctor is just full of shit 'cause my sister is so fucking tiny she'll make anyone look big by comparison. Even a baby." He was being flippant but what he really wanted was to reach out and give Aaron a reassuring hug or a pat on the back or something. At the moment that just felt like it would send the wrong message, like something was wrong and he was just stalling. This was better, he thought, maybe it'd calm Aaron down a little.
That drew a soft laugh out of him, and Aaron grinned fondly. “She is pretty itty-bitty, yeah,” he agreed in a warm murmur. Especially compared to him, which Aaron kind of loved. As petite as Mila was, she was strong as fuck at the same time, in many different ways, and he loved that about her too. He tried to let that soothe him -- she could get through this. Aaron drained the last of his beer and set the empty down, then rubbed at his face and stretched a bit with a little groan. “I know you wanna get out and get your own place, but ... I’m glad you’re here for now,” he said to Adrian as he focused on him again. Aaron’s lips twitched up into a wan smile. “My other brothers never wanna talk about anything. And like ... the first time Mila was pregnant, they were real dickheads about it. Like they thought we couldn’t handle it and I was way too much of an idiot to be a father. Now they just kinda ignore it.” He wasn’t sure why he was telling Adrian this, he just knew he was grateful for something that felt like brotherly support.
That made Adrian stupidly happy. Not that Aaron's brothers were dicks, of course, but that he was wanted and needed at the house sometimes and not just a constant burden. It was easy to feel like one when he had a very limited income and relied on his family for just about everything. "You know that when I do move out, I'm just a phone call away," he reminded him with a warm smile. "Or even a short jog, depending on where I end up. You can call me at any hour, any day and when she's old enough, I'll totally take your kid out for walks so you guys can nap." He liked the idea too, it wasn't just about paying them back. Being an uncle was really exciting and he knew he was going to love this kid to death, even if she wasn't fully human. "For what it's worth, I think you're gonna be a great dad. Your brothers aren't exactly the best judges there."
It was worth more to Aaron than he could properly put into words and he nodded a little and cleared his throat against the lump that was suddenly there. He and Adrian were still getting to know one another to some degree, but Aaron really liked him. It did kind of suck not having full privacy in their own home, but it felt like an easy sacrifice to make to help part of the family -- which included Roxy. Adrian would get back on his feet, and Aaron was glad he wanted to stay close. “Thanks man,” Aaron murmured and gave a rusty little chuckle. “You’re right though, they’re not. Caden never wants kids and Gavin had them way too early, and our own dad was a giant piece of shit, so ... not a lotta good role models around. But I’m gonna do right by my little girl if it kills me, you know? She’s gonna know how loved she is. And I’m glad she’ll have at least one doting uncle.”
"That fact that you want this kid is already a big part of being a good dad," Adrian told him and he wasn't oblivious to how affected Aaron was by the conversation. It was sweet and understandable and it just made Adrian want to do all but a drumming solo on his back and shoulders in some show of affection and solidarity. "You're totally gonna make stupid mistakes that you'll beat yourself up for, but it won't matter because she'll know she's loved. My parents aren't perfect, hell they can be super annoying sometimes, but Mila and I never questioned that we were wanted and loved. There's just this... mutual overprotective thing going on, I think. We don't want to burden them with bad news, they want to keep us sheltered. I have no idea how to get around that one. Maybe just... make sure she knows she can come to you no matter what. Like, her first thought won't be 'dad's gonna kill me' if she gets into trouble, but like... I have to call dad."
Aaron tried to imagine what it might have been like, growing up feeling loved and secure, safe and cared for. It was hard to picture. Bridget had done her best, but now as an adult Aaron could see how much Joseph had damaged her too. Gavin and Caden had tried to shield their younger siblings, but they’d just been boys themselves and Aaron had still been on the receiving end of his father’s rage many times, and told how stupid he was even more than that. He’d already vowed to himself never to call his baby girl bad names, no matter what she did. The last thing Adrian said hit him in the chest in such a bittersweet way, some of the emotion he was keeping in check got loose and one short sob-laugh got out before he put his hands over his face. Aaron took a deep breath and wiped impatiently at his leaking eyes and nose. “Sorry ... That’s what I want,” he mumbled unsteadily. “That’s what I really want. ... And if anybody hurts her or touches her in a bad way, they’d better fucking pray I don’t find them.” A dark intensity took over his expression, his stomach twisting at the very notion of anyone taking advantage of his tiny, innocent daughter the way he’d been taken advantage of. Aaron had been a boy, so it seemed different, but nobody was going to lay an inappropriate finger on his baby and not pay dearly for it.
"I pity the fool who tries to hurt her," Adrian said and Aaron's brothers might not be on board with him becoming a dad but he couldn't imagine anyone in their family getting hurt without someone paying the price for it. This little girl would have three protective uncles and a number of other people ready to fight for her. "You know, I was always worried Mila would end up with some jackass and I'd have a hard time playing nice," he said and Aaron being emotional was making him feel the effects of it, his throat a little thick. "But I fucking love you man, I'm glad you're my niece's dad. If anybody looks at her wrong you know I'll be right there with you." He wondered if Kane would be there too and it was a stupid throwaway thought but on some level he hoped he would be, that by the time this girl was born, Kane would still be in his life no matter how unlikely it seemed. God it was kinda pathetic if he thought about it, their whole thing felt so doomed. "And I figured your brothers will be too," he added, focusing his thoughts away from Kane again. "Even if they're being dicks about it right now."
He gave Adrian a watery smile and nodded along to everything he said. It made him feel good to know that their little girl would be surrounded by people ready to go to bat for her. Four or five grown men -- Aaron knew Jasper would look after a baby cousin too -- and a woman who would turn into a fierce mama bear when she had to. Plus her aunts. For a moment Aaron was a little overwhelmed with gratitude that he was part of such a family. “They will,” he said. “They’re assholes, but they’re loyal assholes, and we’ve ... well, I’ll just say we’ve had each other’s backs through some major shit.” He stood up to get another beer, pausing to clap a hand on Adrian’s shoulder and squeeze as he went by. “And I love you too, brother. I’m glad you’re alive ... and that you didn’t kill me.” Aaron chuckled and tossed his empty into the trash before he opened up the fridge. “Sure you don’t want a beer?”
Adrian felt that pang of longing at the offer and while it wasn't the biggest price to pay for having most of his humanity restored, it was still a crappy one. "I actually can't drink," he said regretfully. "I get drunk offa sip or two these days. Which sounds pretty cool when I want to get wasted but it really sucks when I just want a beer." He tapped idly on his can of coke and tried not to think about how getting wasted had actually put into motion some really good things with Kane. At least Aaron wasn't a damn mind-reader. "I'm gonna buy a light beer sometime," he sighed. "It won't hit the same but just for the fuck of it, then I can have a cold one with you in a fun pretend way." Like a baby. He raised his drink as if in a toast and had another sip.
“No shit? Dude, that sucks,” Aaron said with real sympathy. He opened his new bottle as he came back to the table to sit down. “We could get you some of that non-alcoholic shit. It tastes almost the same, at least.” He didn’t think he could personally make it through his life without being able to drink, so he felt for Adrian. “Is it just booze? You tried any weed or anything?” he asked, genuinely concerned with Adrian’s ability to be able to relax. He deserved to chill and feel good too, he was a good dude. “We can get you pretty much anything you wanna try. No like, meth or heroin or anything though, Mila would kill me.”
Adrian laughed, mostly because he had a hard time imagining Aaron having the kind of contacts he'd need to score heroin. 'Mila would kill me' hit the same way that Aaron was 'glad Adrian hadn't killed him' did and it was pretty intense how much the Moretti siblings had done a number on this poor guy. He was still around though, that spoke volumes and Adrian's good humor faded a little into something softer and more melancholic as he thought about it. "No heroin," he agreed. "I haven't tried weed. Maybe I'll do that sometime in a good space. Or I'll have like one quarter of a shot if I want to get drunk." As amusing as it was to him to picture Aaron trying to score the heavy shit, Adrian had to ask: "You wouldn't be able to get that other stuff, right? You know that kind of people?"
Aaron wasn’t even thinking about the stabbing, the comment had been light-hearted. He wouldn’t get Adrian heroin even if he asked for it -- though he wasn’t fully human, so maybe it would have a different effect on him, who knew. Aaron wasn’t going to help him find out though, that shit ruined lives. “I’ll get you some weed,” he said with a nod, grinning crookedly. Even if Adrian’s tolerance for THC was also really low, at least the worst that could happen was he would eat everything in the kitchen and then fall asleep. The questions made him chuckle a bit as he sat back with his beer. “I know those kinda people, yeah. I could probably get you almost anything you wanted -- drugs, guns, fake IDs. Me and my brothers, we don’t usually fuck with drugs, we’re not dealers, but ... a personal order here and there, I know who to call for it.” Aaron paused, then added, “That stays in the family, though. Don’t talk about it.”
Adrian had heard a lot of rumors about the Lucas family growing up and then even more as an adult and all of them were wildly stupid and hard to believe. The least unbelievable were the vague ones that just said 'they were the bad sort' and 'criminal element' but that was vague enough to ignore as well. Mafia relations and unsolved murders were a little more fantastical so it felt a little weird to hear they did have criminal connections. "Okay," he said slowly, unsure what to think of all that. "You're not about to... I don't know. Get hauled off to prison any time soon, are you? That's a little beyond my abilities to help out." He probably could break Aaron out of a prison if he was all jacked up on Wendigo power but that would just be a doorway to a whole new world of problems. "I'm not thrilled about my niece growing up in Mexico," he added teasingly, but he was genuinely curious about how deep this ran and how involved Aaron was.
He pfft-laughed a bit and shook his head. “Naw, nothing like that to worry about,” Aaron assured him. “It’s an occasional side hustle, not any big operation. We know what we’re doin’.” When he said ‘we,’ he mostly meant Gavin and Caden, since they were the ones who usually handled that side of the business. Aaron dipped his toe in now and then, mostly when something needed transporting or some other easy task, but he trusted that his brothers knew how to cover their tracks. “I’m barely involved anyway.” If anybody went to prison, it would be Gav or Caden, and then probably not for very long. While Aaron didn’t want that to ever happen, he was fine with being in a position where he could plausibly claim ignorance on a lot of things, and he trusted his brothers not to turn on him. “Though hell, Mexico might be a safer place to grow up,” Aaron added with a chuckle, lifting his beer to his lips.
"Than Point Pleasant?" Adrian huffed. "Yeah, probably." But then maybe Mexico had its own demons that nobody talked about, not to mention the stuff Adrian did know about certain areas there. "The devil you know," he sighed. "It's weird to know I grew up here and never saw anything weird. Thirty odd years, you know? I heard the stories but I never got swept up in anything supernatural as a kid." Maybe it was because he had super overprotective parents but he didn't think so. He'd gotten plenty of leeway as a teenager to go do stupid teenage things, they just hadn't entailed anything creepy. "I feel like I was blind or something." Blind or blessed. Some cynical part of him couldn't help but point out that his blessings had ended shortly after he started acting on his 'sinful nature' instead of being a good catholic boy with a good catholic girlfriend. It would be alarming except his sister hadn't done anything wrong and she'd been exposed too.
“Never, huh?” Aaron asked with a musing tone. “I think ... I dunno, I think it hides, until it’s right up in your face. And then you can’t ever not see it again. So it’s kinda like being blind and then all of the sudden you can see, but you’re not used to it so nothing makes sense, you know?” He hoped that was coherent. It made sense in his head. “All I can remember from being a kid was getting creeped out in the Fallows and by the tunnel a couple of times ... and I think I saw a kid in the water on the beach once. One that like, wasn’t supposed to be there.” Aaron took another swig of beer, trying to think back to that day. It hadn’t seemed like a big scary deal at the time, just weird, but he’d been pretty young. “Can’t really get away from it now, though, can you,” he murmured to Adrian. It wasn’t quite a question.
"Nope, it's everywhere," Adrian agreed with a quirk of a brow. Everywhere around him and not only that but also inside him, inside his sister, inside the man he was fucking. It was like the air was tainted with it and they were just breathing it in until they all got infected. "It's not all bad now though," he added. "Thanks to Mila's witchy friend I'm half-way back to normal." And stupidly strong when he wasn't. That other part of him was like a siren's call, dangerous and alluring and he felt a little thrill every time he thought about going hunting like that. Unstoppable, unkillable - all the things that could be chalked up to evil but he could use it for good as long as he didn't give it control. "I remember ghosts as a kid, but I don't know if I ever actually saw one. We had wild imaginations, would scare the crap out of each other with stories. The fantasy and reality is all a little blurred in hindsight."
“Hey, halfway is good, every little bit helps, right?” Aaron offered, lifting his beer in a little salute to Adrian. He thought better of that as soon as he did it, because alcohol was apparently one of the things that wasn’t normal for Adrian anymore. Oops. Aaron took a swig on his behalf anyway. “You definitely look better,” he told him. “Less skinny, like we’re actually feeding you, you know? Even though you were constantly eating before.” He probably didn’t need the reminders, so Aaron moved on. “Yeah, Gav and Caden loved to scare the shit out of me and Kat sometimes,” he chuckled fondly. “I dunno, there wasn’t a lot of like ... fun, in our house though. Dad hated it when we got too loud. Me and my buddies used to stay up late and camp in their backyards and try to freak each other out, though.” He’d loved staying the night at other houses, seeing how other parents behaved, and pretending he was their kid instead of a Lucas. It had been Aaron’s main fantasy. “Was Mila scared of the dark and stuff?” he asked with a little grin.
None of this was surprising to Adrian but it still sucked to hear about Aaron's childhood. He always knew the family across the street was trouble, Aaron's dad was scary as hell and always drunk and Adrian often heard the noise from in there and wondered why nobody did anything about the obvious violence going on. Today he understood there wasn't really anything anyone could do if the whole family refused to talk to the authorities, though he often wondered why child services hadn't gotten involved. It was kind of ironic to hear Joseph didn't like his kids to be loud when he himself had made quite a lot of noise in his worst rages. "Oh man, don't make me talk about baby Mila," he said with a chuckle, steering away from falling into the trap of pitying Aaron. That was the last thing he needed. "I was so mean to her and she was so easily scared. I mean, I was too. I freaked myself out scaring her sometimes. My buddies and I watched Event Horizon when we were like... Fourteen? Oh my God, I wanted to bring an exorcist to the house, I thought I'd invited something super evil in. Mila caught a glimpse of the movie and was freaking out about it for weeks. Like she was terrified of space."
Aaron hadn’t ever seen that movie, but he’d heard it was scary and in space, and that was enough. He laughed a bit and shook his head. “We picked on Kat like that sometimes, I think it’s like a little sister rite of passage,” he said, amused as he took another swig of beer. Thinking of a young Mila being scared of fictional things was amusing until he remembered the kind of fear she’d been through as an adult. Were some of the things she’d experienced in the tunnel influenced by those early fears? It gave him the creeps to think about, and it wasn’t like he could change any of it now, so he pushed it away. Aaron thought about their baby instead and gave a dopey little smile. “Our girl though, she’s gonna be a big sister. So we’ll see what kind of torture she comes up with for any future siblings.” Because if all went well with this baby, Aaron definitely wanted to have another one or two after, as long as Mila was on board. He wasn’t in a rush though, he wanted plenty of time to dote and love on just one kid.
"Sounds good to me," Adrian said with a grin. "Takes the pressure off me." He couldn't imagine having kids even before Everything happened to him, but if Mila had a bunch of kids in the future it would hopefully make for some happy grandparents and happy grandparents meant less naggy parents. "My ex already has three kids," he said and huffed with soft amusement. "Mom ran into her mom, told me all about it. Shit that made me feel old. Three kids. Feels like yesterday we were graduating high school." And yet it felt like decades ago. Time felt warped after the Blackwater incident, stretched and squished together all wrong. "I can't even imagine being a dad. I can imagine being an uncle though, so thanks for that."
Aaron chuckled and winced with sympathy -- his mom had never really pressured any of them to have kids, maybe because Gavin had beaten her to the punch -- but he definitely had plenty of exes who had families already. “And you’re gonna be a damn good one, too,” Aaron told him with a nod. “Uncle, and then a dad, whenever you wanna be. Everybody’s life ends up different, you know? My idiot brother had his first kid at fifteen, so.” Aaron shrugged. It made sense to him, there was no ‘right’ time to do it. “I couldn’t imagine bein’ a dad either, until Mila came into my life. So maybe you just gotta meet the right woman.”
Adrian gave him a wan smile, shrugging one shoulder. "I don't know if I should have kids. Who knows what this stupid curse would bring into the world, you know?" He wasn't fully human anymore and that felt like an easier thing to blame than not having met the right 'woman'. "Jesus, though. Fifteen. I remember when he dropped out, it was all a big scandal back then." He hadn't really known Gavin beyond being neighbors, attending the same church and going to the same school. Gavin was a year older and they hadn't shared any hobbies or friends. Hell, Adrian wasn't even sure if Gavin had hobbies and friends back then. He was one of the troubled kids at school, either getting into fights or not bringing attention to himself. "I was so stupid at fifteen, I can't even wrap my head around being a dad that young."
He supposed that was a fair point. Adrian was cursed. Were he and Mila cursed too? Or her, at least, since she’d been in the tunnel so long? It wasn’t something Aaron really wanted to think about, and definitely not something he was going to suggest to her. She had enough on her mind, and their baby was going to be fine. Aaron had to believe that. He snorted softly and nodded along with the rest of what Adrian said. “Trust me, he was plenty stupid too, just like all of us,” he said. “It wasn’t really his fault though, that crazy bitch wife of his poked holes in the condoms. Well, girlfriend, at the time, but Gav did the right thing and married her.” He paused, then hurried to add, “But that’s not why I’m marrying Mila -- I wanted to do that before we knew she was pregnant. I love her.”
Adrian pulled a face at that tidbit. "Maybe it wasn't the right thing," he said then, shaking his head. "Peer pressure, man. It's a helluva drug. Never experienced any kind of peer pressure from my actual peers like the one I did from the church." And yet he'd still gone a couple of times when his mom got all weird about it and probably would go more often when the new local church was ready. It was depressing to think about and maybe he was doing too much to keep his family happy and not rock the boat. "Bet your brother wouldn't have married Olivia if we weren't catholics." Or maybe he would have, he'd been a stupid teenager after all and it was really more perturbing that the adults had let these actual children get married.
“Yeah, ‘right thing’,” Aaron echoed, two fingers coming up for air quotes. Thinking back to all of Joseph’s screaming and berating during that time period, Aaron was pretty sure he’d pushed Gavin to marry her more as a cruel punishment than any sense of piety. But they would never really know his motivations now, or anything else about how he saw them, he was dead and buried. Fortunately still buried, Aaron had confirmed, thanks to Caden’s paranoia. “Probably not, but it gave us Jasper and Amelia, and we love ‘em. It sure made me careful as hell not to knock anybody up though.” It had been a horrible match and bad for Gavin and the family at the time, but Aaron wouldn’t trade his niece and nephew, in spite of everything. He paused to take another thoughtful pull from the beer bottle. “You still believe in God?” he asked Adrian, his tone mild and curious. The man had been through a lot, and Aaron wasn’t even sure where his own faith stood these days.
Adrian winced a little and shook his head. "I don't know," he said. "Yes, but no. I don't want to but I always have this nagging doubt in the back of my head. That upbringing is pretty powerful, I guess. What about you?" It was hard to believe in God, especially a Just God, after everything he and Mila had been through and he had a feeling Aaron felt the same way but some people justified their faith through any means necessary. It sometimes made him want to tell their mother everything, just to put cracks in that solid foundation of hers - but that would be cruel and the last thing he wanted was to be cruel to his mother. Aaron had never struck him as very interested in church. He'd been there on Sundays growing up but he was one of those kids who didn't participate more than he absolutely had to.
He’d done his fair share of screwing around in church, not having the attention span for it as a kid and being rebellious as a teen, but Aaron had always believed. He’d gone to confession pretty regularly and done all the prayers and rituals ... he just couldn’t tell that any of it had helped. He’d always thought God was up there with a plan, watching everything and nudging when a nudge was needed. But now, Aaron didn’t know. How could what had happened to Mila fit into any loving plan? Were they cursed? Aaron sighed. “I don’t know anymore,” he said, wishing he had a better answer. “I used to. Sometimes still do, I guess. But it doesn’t seem as solid anymore, you know? We prayed so hard when Amelia disappeared ... when Mila disappeared ... then Jasper ... and I mean, they did all come back, so what does that mean? But why’d it have to happen to them in the first place? I don’t get it. ... and you, too, I guess, I know they prayed to get you back too. But everybody’s fucked up, so it’s like ... God’s got a sick sense of humor, maybe.”
"Yeah, exactly," Adrian agreed eagerly after nodding along, every word Aaron said resonating with him. "It's like, God is a dick but he's almighty and he loves us. I just want to punch him in the face but it'd be like an ant punching a human, I guess. And he'd probably forgive me for it, unless he's this vengeful fucker from the old testament and would punish me for my hubris, whatever. There's just so many contradictions and like, I can accept what happened to me, but Mila?" He could feel impotent anger flare up inside of him at the thought of a god who'd let his sister suffer like that. Mila probably had her own little dark secrets, some sins she carried, but she was a good person who'd never hurt a fly. Making her go through hell like that was just cruel and if God was so powerful, why hadn't he stopped it? "Man, it breaks my brain thinking about it," he sighed. "S'why a part of me just really wants to not believe in him and believe the world is nothing but chaos instead. It'd make more sense, you know? But then you want to believe in the good, need it even." But where had that good been when he watched his friends die? He sure as hell had prayed with all his strength back then.
Aaron smirked a bit at the idea of punching God in the face. He knew there were probably countless people who wanted the same thing. The world was certainly not short on suffering. But who knew what kind of nature God really had, like Adrian was pointing out. That was the gamble, wasn’t it? Only it was for eternity, and nobody seemed to really have the truth. Aaron could see that protective anger in Adrian’s eyes, and he understood it well. “There’s good in chaos too,” he said. “It’s got to be a mixed bag otherwise it’s not chaos, right? But the world being that way ... I dunno, you end up so powerless. Like there’s not anybody in charge, no one’s steering all this bullshit, it just is, and nothing you can do will ever change it.” It sounded pretty scary to Aaron, but he was starting to think that was actually the truth of the matter. They were all on their own, no higher power to appeal to, just people trying to figure shit out and not get eaten by the darkness. He paused, then chuckled sheepishly. “Bet you really want a beer now, huh? Sorry dude, didn’t mean to get heavy on you.”
That eased Adrian's mood a little and he actually laughed, shaking his head quickly. "Nah, man. It's good," he said and meant it. It was nice to just chat like this, let off some steam, even if it was a heavy subject about highly existential questions. "Been a while since I just sat and talked about random shit with someone. In a kitchen no less." Kitchen chats just hit different, he didn't know why that was. "I would love a beer though, shit. Just don't wanna pass out drunk for a sip or two. Talk about chaos. I think you're right, there's good in it too and I'm starting to lean more and more towards God being chaos and not this... Paternal wise spirit. Maybe the greeks had it right. Just a shit load of gods and most of them were dicks."
He knew just what he was talking about with the kitchen, and Aaron laughed softly too. He talked to Mila in the kitchen pretty regularly, but it had been a long time since he’d had a deep talk like this with a friend. “Well hell, if that’s the case it’s just more of the same. Dickhead gods,” he said with another chuckle. Aaron took another drink to that. Maybe it was the beer or the company, but he was starting to feel more relaxed, like the stress of the day was seeping out of him. “Maybe something just ... kicked off the universe and is letting it run on its own until it collapses. Who knows, right? I wanna think we’ll find out when we’re dead, but maybe that’s not even true. All of it’s over my head anyway, man, I just wanna take care of the people I love, you know?”
"That's all we can do," Adrian replied with a smile and there was that nice, warm feeling inside of him reminding him Aaron was family and technically Adrian was one of those people now. Even if it was just Mila, that was enough, but this guy had driven out to the middle of nowhere to rescue Adrian and that kind of loyalty and love was rare. "I'd kill for you guys," he murmured. "Whatever God has to say about that, I don't care. I'll do anything to make sure you, Mila and the baby are okay." He knew he wasn't just saying that too, he'd been ready to go to the tunnel for Mila, the tunnel just didn't want him. It was hard to feel bad about what he'd done instead when he watched his sister thriving again and he just hoped that whatever curse came with his actions was only for him. Aaron owed the mystery man a favor too and that was something that would always bother Adrian but there wasn't anything he could do about that at present. "I just hope that when I die it's just oblivion. Like I don't remember anything before I was born, like that."
When Adrian said he would kill for them, Aaron completely believed him, and it meant more to him than he could begin to explain. He knew that his blood brothers would do the same, and he would for them, so it made Adrian feel even more like his brother. “I’d do the same for you, man,” Aaron said, leaning forward with his forearms on the table. He’d driven to that place ready to do it, but something else had done all the killing for them. He knew Adrian would do everything to avoid asking it of him, but Aaron would be there for him if he ever needed that kind of backup. He didn’t personally like the idea of oblivion, it kind of freaked him out, so he aimed to take a lighter route. “C’mon though, you can do better than that,” he said, grinning a bit at Adrian. “What would your heaven be like? Puppies everywhere? Endless buffet? An eternal beach with a bunch of hot girls in bikinis like a different kinda buffet?”
Adrian laughed and damn, he had no idea. He knew it wasn't a beach full of babes - ladies or otherwise - but it was a damn good question. He hummed as he thought about it. "I think it's more of a feeling," he decided on. "You know, one of those nights where you've had a really good day, you can still smell the sun on your skin, nothing is wrong, you've had a good meal, you're with people you love and everyone is... content. Does that sound boring?" He grinned and shrugged before going on. "Maybe we need the ups and downs so that we're not bored, I'd just like it to be a lot less down. A lot less scary." Tonight felt nice, Mila was safe and he was having a heart to heart with his brother-in-law-to-be but there was still so much wrong and he was still scared. Heaven wouldn't have that, he wouldn't worry about being judged, about going to hell, about losing the people he loved or watching them suffer. "Puppies would be nice too."
“Naw, it don’t sound boring,” Aaron said with a warm smile. He knew that feeling Adrian was talking about. It seemed so mundane, but it was rare enough to be precious. Especially for their families. Things had been wild and bad for all of them for years now, in one way or another, and some peaceful eternal reprieve from all of it did sound really nice. Aaron just wanted to be conscious for it. None of it was up to him, of course, but sometimes it was a comfort to daydream about. “Don’t think it would be heaven without puppies,” he chuckled. Aaron picked at the label on his beer bottle with one thumbnail. “Hopefully shit’s on the upswing now though, right? You’re alive again, getting a life put back together ...” He knew better than to wish for nothing scary to ever happen again, but it at least seemed like Adrian’s life situation was improving.
"Yeah, things are good right now," Adrian agreed and while there were plenty of dark and scary things all around, he genuinely meant that. "I came back right on time to become an uncle so that's cool." In quiet moments like these it was easy not to think of all the terror and grief that came before, like the sun came out and the rain was forgotten. That was probably the secret to a happy life, the ability to leave the bad things behind and enjoy the good while it lasted. "I might be getting some money coming in too," he added. "I didn't wanna say anything 'cause it's not a hundred percent but, something about my insurance back when I worked in Portland. I don't even understand all the bureaucracy around it, it's stupid complicated when you're announced dead. I'm just glad I don't owe them for some reason. Might be enough to get a place of my own, get you guys the nursery back right on time for your daughter."
The timing of Adrian’s return had been lucky for more than just the baby on the way -- he’d been the one to save Mila. Aaron couldn’t even imagine what life would be like if that hadn’t happened. He owed Adrian everything, and he knew his new brother would never see it that way, which was part of what made him so awesome. Aaron’s brows lifted with surprise about the money, and he smiled brightly at Adrian. “No shit? Well hell, congrats man. It’s fuckin’ rare when insurance works out in your favor.” Aaron clicked his bottle against Adrian’s soda can in a little toast and then drained the rest of it. “Not that I’m tryin’ to rush you out or nothin’, you know? We still got some time. But that’s a good step for you, I know it’s not just crowded for us in here. Roxy’s been seein’ this new guy, so I’m kinda hoping she moves in with him in the near future.”
"Yikes, that's a terrible idea," Adrian said with a look that said as much. "Moving in with someone she just met?" Given her current living situation it might not be such a bad idea, it could all work out but that didn't make it a bad idea. He totally understood the impulse though, if things were different - if he and Kane were different - it would probably be tempting to go crash with him until he got back on his feet. "Do you know the guy? He any good?" He wasn't going to say anything was probably a step up from Caden but the thought did cross his mind and he had noticed Roxy looked a little less sullen these days so that was a good sign. It was none of his business beyond the fact that Roxy was Mila's best friend and he gave a shit about her even if it was for that alone.
The first bit made Aaron laugh, because it probably was a terrible idea. Roxy and Caden had been together for a long time and it had sucked, so she didn’t need to jump into anything serious. At the same time, it wasn’t really their business and Aaron wanted her out of the house. He felt more comfortable with Adrian staying there than Roxy. Helping her out was more for Mila. “Oh yeah, I’ve known him for years,” Aaron clarified, waving a hand as he sat back again. “We were on the team together in high school. They actually dated back then too, so I guess he ain’t that new.” Aaron chuckled. He’d just meant someone who wasn’t Caden, he supposed. “Spence Wheeler, you know him? He joined the army pretty quick after high school, so maybe you don’t. He was always a good guy to me, definitely less of a dick than my brother. Back then, anyway.”
"Old fling," Adrian murmured with a little grin. "Yeah that makes a little more sense then. I don't know him though." That wasn't really surprising if he was Aaron's age, Adrian had left town shortly after high school too and he hadn't exactly paid close attention to the younger crowd save for looking out for Mila and her group of friends had been very different back then. "You're gonna miss us when we're gone," he teased. "It'll feel real empty in here. I promise I'll try not to go too far away." And yet far enough that his family couldn't keep too close an eye on him. Castle View would be really perfect for that and he got a weird little pang just thinking about it.
“It won’t be quiet and empty for long,” Aaron said with a chuckle, thinking of all the ruckus a newborn baby could make. Their girl was going to be a perfect little angel, but she would still get hungry and cranky. He’d had plenty of exposure to all that with Gavin’s kids. Aaron just couldn’t wait to scoop her up and sing to her and give her what she needed and soothe her. It made him want to go upstairs and love on Mila’s tummy while she was napping. “I will miss you though,” he added. “It’s nice havin’ another dude in the house I can talk to, y’know.” Aaron gestured between them and smiled. “You’ll just have to come by a lot and establish yourself as the favorite uncle early.”
"Oh I'll come around a lot, don't worry about it," Adrian replied with a smile but flippant answer aside, it warmed him to hear he was welcome. He might already know it but it was always good to hear it. "There's gonna be plenty of competition so I wanna get an early start. That baby's gonna be so loved." Aaron's brothers might not be in the race for that title but between Aaron's sister and all their parents, Adrian had a feeling he was gonna be pretty late in line to get to hold the girl unless he got lucky. He also knew that a lot of parents ended up stressed and alone after the initial excitement had worn off so if he wasn't working himself to the bone at the hospital, he planned on helping out. "Until then, get all the sleep you can get," he added. "Those first months are gonna be hard."
“Damn right she is.” Aaron’s cheeks bunched up with a sunny grin. His baby was already loved by more people than just him and Mila, and she hadn’t even arrived yet. He hadn’t quite put it into words to himself yet, but Aaron felt like this was the most supported he’d ever been in his life. He still didn’t understand what Gavin and Caden had been so worried about, this was going to work out. “Oh I’ve been tryin’,” he said with a soft laugh. “Get sleep, be lazy, grab as much alone time with Mila as I can get away with.” He managed to bite his tongue before he started rambling about how Mila’s libido had changed with hormones, forgetting for half a second that Adrian was her brother. He was really starting to feel like a genuine friend, it was really cool. Aaron glanced at the oven clock. “How long did she wanna sleep for?”
"I don't know," Adrian replied. "She said she'd text or call if she needed anything so I just hope she keeps that promise." He could too easily imagine her coming down to get herself a glass of water or something, as if she didn't have two full grown men ready to run a marathon for her if she needed it. "Guessing no more than an hour or two, she wanted to watch a movie tonight." If she stayed asleep for much longer than that then the movie was probably off but that was okay, it was really about what Mila wanted to do. "You wanna go hang out in the living room? We can watch something while we wait for her."
Aaron was tempted to go upstairs and snuggle Mila for a while, but that would surely wake her up, and she needed her rest. He could wait, he needed to get practiced at putting off his own desires anyway, there was going to be a lot of that when the baby came. It had been a long day for all of them, her most of all, and she probably needed the solitude for an hour. “Sure,” Aaron answered with a lopsided grin. “We can get some manly TV in before we gotta watch a romcom or whatever she’ll want.” He chuckled a bit, mostly kidding, then got up to grab another beer and head into the living room. A lowkey relaxing family night would be just the thing to wrap up this stressful, but ultimately good, day.