Who: Theo and Bash Where: The carnival When: Evening, Saturday, June 30 Status: Complete
Theo was pretty stoked about the carnival. It wasn’t something that came around Point Pleasant all that often and while it wasn’t as big as something one would see in the city, it was still pretty damn fun. Being there with Bash only made it that much better, because it kinda felt like something he ought to be doing with his boyfriend. They were definitely having fun tonight and Theo had wasted way too much money on some of the games, trying to win and failing. It didn’t upset him though, because even if he walked away from a booth empty handed, he’d still had a good time with Bash, regardless.
“What next?” he asked, once they had walked away from the basketball hoops. “Round Up? Tunnel of Love?” Theo chuckled and dipped his face in to nuzzle Bash’s neck. “You think they’d toss us out for making out somewhere private?”
Sebastian was soaking in every second that summer had to offer, out with friends or Theo at every chance he got. Home wasn’t exactly his favorite place to be and it had been made all the more awkward with the knowledge that Phee had shared with him. The carnival offered something new and different, as well as a distraction, and he jumped at the chance to go with Theo, pushing his worries into a little box to be dealt with later. There was no room for them on a date and this felt more like one than most.
“Doubt it,” Sebastian snickered, offering more of his neck to Theo in encouragement. He was sure there was a line they shouldn’t cross in public, but as dusk slipped away and night settled in that the shadows blurred that line and pushed it back. Not that Bash thought they should take advantage of it, but he thought they could get away with it if they really wanted to. “I’m positive we could get away with it on the Tunnel of Love, but Round Up might be a challenge,” he grinned. “Someone might get hurt.”
Theo chuckled. "Yeah, you're right. So why don't we go on that cheesy ride first so I can kiss you in the dark for a few minutes, then we can do all the potentially dangerous rides." Theo doubted the rides in a carnival like this were properly taken care of, but he knew if he let that get to him too much, he'd never ride anything. But the carnival seemed to be making its mark on the town and Theo wanted to enjoy it before it was gone, probably for good. Sort of like Bash. But Theo was definitely not thinking about that right now. It was still summer and they still had a couple of months before Bash left for college... if he left for college. Theo wasn't really sure that plan was finalized quite yet but he was too afraid to ask.
“You can kiss me anywhere you want, but sure,” Bash grinned. They didn’t need a cheesy love boat ride in order to make out, but he also wasn’t passing it up. It was the sort of thing that felt completely out of reach a year ago and now seemed almost normal. He enjoyed every chance he got to hold Theo’s hand, savored every kiss, and did his best to ignore the pain that came with thinking about the end of the summer. They still had a month to go and he wanted to make the best of it. Maybe he’d even tell him how he felt, something he’d been putting off. It wasn’t even out of fear of rejection at that point, but the pain of getting that much closer before they were forced to break things off. If that even happened. The more Bash thought about his future, the more cloudy it became. It made him want to push it aside, enjoy the moment and save his worries for later.
"Okay, so we'll try that," Theo said. "Let's see how many places in this carnival we can make out before the end of the night." He was just hoping no one died tonight and if they did, some other Reaper was called to them. Normality was such a rare thing in this town and right now, everything felt normal. He just wanted to keep it that way for a while longer. As soon as they were in line for the boat ride, he turned to Bash and pulled him close to kiss him, since Bash had given him blanket permission.
Bash’s fingers hooked into Theo’s belt loop as they kissed, holding onto Theo as Theo kissed him. He knew they were probably making a scene, that some people frowned on PDA and that they probably made it worse by being gay, but he just couldn’t seem to give a fuck tonight. This place made him want to let go and have fun. “You keep that up, I’m gonna want more than kisses,” he murmured, nipping at Theo’s bottom lip. He was mostly kidding, there was no way the ride was long enough to get away with anything more than groping, but it was tempting. It hadn’t even occurred to him that Theo’s reaping might interrupt them. So far it had only ever happened that one time, so he thought it a rarity.
Theo didn't really care about PDA at this point. He was pretty comfortable with himself and with Bash. Yes, he knew image was everything and his mom wouldn't want him getting into real trouble, but he felt like he and Bash should be able to hold hands and kiss as much as they wanted. It wasn't like they were tearing each other's clothes off. "You can get more than kisses later," he promised, smiling against Bash's mouth. "Are you gonna stay the night?" Bash had slept over plenty of times so far this summer, but Theo still felt like he ought to ask and make sure. Bash's parents were still Bash's parents, after all, and he didn't want to get his boyfriend into trouble.
After months of having basically no parental oversight in his life, Bash found it hard to seek his parent’s approval over something as simple as staying the night at his boyfriend’s. His father ignored the situation, which was fine with him, and his mother didn’t seem all that interested in reinserting herself into his life. Sometimes it hurt, especially when it felt like she no longer cared about being his mother, but other times it was convenient. This was one of those times. Instead of asking permission, he’d just text her and let her know where he was. He’d be shocked if he received any pushback. “If you’re offering, yeah,” he smiled. “I don’t think anyone’s gonna tell me no.” If his mother even tried, it would be a struggle to hold his tongue. He was an adult and could do as he wished, just like did.
That sounded good to Theo. He tried to stay out of the McCarthy family drama unless Bash needed someone to vent to. He understood what it was like to have a neglectful parent. His mom wasn't terrible but she was busy and Theo was nineteen so... he was kind of okay with them both having their own lives. His mom treated him like an adult and he was grateful for that, even if it meant they didn't have the closest relationship. Theo pressed another kiss to Bash's lips as they moved closer to the floating boats. "You know... if you think you could get away with it, you should just move onto the boat with me for the summer."
Bash’s eyes lit up at the offer, momentarily caught off guard. It felt like a big step, even if it was just for the summer, and Bash wondered if Theo would have offered if he wasn’t planning on leaving in the fall. If he was still leaving. It was just another thing he’d been putting off, a decision that weighed on him, bringing down his mood whenever it came up. This had the opposite effect. “I’d love that,” he grinned. “If you really don’t mind. It’s a small boat.” A part of him wondered if his parents would even notice if he was suddenly gone all the time, but he knew he’d have to ask. And Phee would notice. Phee might hate it. Or just move in with Greg, though their mom would definitely protest that. “I like the idea of falling asleep with you every night,” he murmured, kissing Theo again.
"Yeah, it's a small boat, but we won't be on it all the time," Theo pointed out with a grin after they pulled back from the kiss. He worked nearly every day and Bash had his own friends to hang out with. They didn't have to be joined at the hip, so he doubted they would get sick of each other. And it was only for the summer, if they did get sick of each other. It seemed like a fun summer thing to do and Bash would probably enjoy not having to go home all the time and deal with his parents. "I mean, you're there almost every night anyway, might as well make it official, yeah?"
After spending the last seven or eight months trying to convince himself he wasn’t a romanticist, Bash felt himself crack at those words. They weren’t meant to make him swoon, their delivery as casual as the rest, but Bash’s heart swelled regardless. Did he want to make it official? Yes, very much so. Even if it was just for the rest of the summer. Leaving in the fall might break his heart, but he’d soak up all he could in the meantime. “Yeah,” he tittered, his grin beginning to feel like a permanent fixture. “I’ll need to get a real job then. So I can contribute.” He made an okay amount doing yard work and cleaning pools, but he wasn’t sure it was enough. Then again, he didn’t think Theo was paying rent, so maybe they’d be fine.
Theo shrugged. "I mean, no rent. But yeah, food and stuff." He chuckled and leaned in to kiss Bash again. His mom definitely wouldn't care if Bash was living there with him. Better on the boat than in her house. He didn't make a lot of money at the police station, so not paying rent was a bit of a blessing at the moment. "If you want me to be there when you talk to your parents, I will be." It was possible Bash wanted to do it on his own and maybe Theo's presence would only make things awkward.
As excited as Bash was about the prospect of living with Theo over the summer, he was equally apprehensive about talking to his parents about it. A large part of him thought they wouldn’t care, and so he shouldn’t worry, but conversations with his parents were historically awful and so he tended to avoid them. Yet, he could not just disappear and hope they didn’t notice. “I’ll talk to them,” he sighed, resting his forehead against Theo’s for a second before righting himself as they moved up in line, ready to step into the little love boat. “No need to drag you into our drama.”
Theo followed Bash into the boat, shifting a bit until he was comfortable. "I'm good at handling drama," he said. "So if you need me there, I'll be there. But I totally get wanting to handle it on your own." He wasn't sure how Bash's parents would react to it, but from what Theo heard, it seemed like his mom would be more okay with it than his dad. But James McCarthy was hardly ever around, so why would he care? It was logical to Theo, but he knew every parent was different. "Who knows, they may be totally cool with it."
“Maybe,” Bash nodded. “Even if they don’t like it, I don’t think either one can make a legitimate argument against it. I’m technically an adult. I can move out whenever I want. I don’t have to wait until the end of the summer.” He supposed they could hold his college funds hostage, but he didn’t think it would come to that. They wanted him to go to college more than he wanted to be there. And if they did, it would just make his decision on what to do in August that much easier. Bash didn’t set out to irk his parents, but he wasn’t above it. “I want to spend every moment I have left with you,” he smiled as he settled beside Theo in the boat. “This just makes it easier.”
Theo had to admit Bash had a point. He was eighteen, he could move out if he wanted to. Though Theo knew they could cut Bash off financially... but if Bash got a job, it might not be so bad. He reached for Bash's hand, not wanting to dwell too much on every moment I have left. Bash would go to college and experience life outside of Point Pleasant, and Theo, and that was a good thing, right? It hadn't worked out for Theo, but Bash was smart and would do a lot of great things. "Whatever makes it easier," he said finally, and with a smile before he laughed. "I can even help you pack, mostly because... well, the boat is small so there's not a lot of room."
“Leaving you will never be easy,” Bash said, his face heating at the raw honesty of it. He knew staying in Point Pleasant for Theo was not smart, that he shouldn’t hinge all his future plans on a guy, but sometimes it felt like that was the only thing he really wanted at the moment. He wasn’t excited about college the way he used to be, so much of that excitement due to the freedom he’d been lacking at the start of the year. But now he saw he could have that here, surrounded by people he cared about. The only reason to leave was to further his education so he could get a better job, but he wasn’t as ambitious as his father or brother. These days he struggled to push himself for someone else’s approval. “I don’t want to think about packing. Or leaving. I don’t know if I even want to go,” Bash said as the little boat began to move forward. The lights dimmed around them, kitschy music creating a faux-romantic atmosphere, and Bash snickered quietly. “This is… something.”
Theo had meant helping Bash pack for the boat, but he understood what Bash was saying. Even so, he looked over at Bash in the dim tunnel, more focused on him than the ride. "You mean you don't know if you want to go to college?" That was definitely something his parents would have an issue with, probably more so than Bash living with Theo on a small boat at the marina. He definitely didn't want Bash staying in Point Pleasant because of him, but at the same time, he had a selfish streak that felt that glimmer of hope that Bash would stay because of him. It was a bit confusing.
“Yeah,” Bash sighed. “I mean, at the beginning of the year, it felt like a way out. I was still in the closet and I thought all of my friends would be going with me. And it felt like the distant future. Now… I barely know what I want to do, I’ll have to come out again to people I don’t know, and everyone I want to be with is here.” The boat swayed gently and when he looked up into Theo’s eyes he was hit with a wave of desire so strong that he felt like he might tumble over the side. It didn’t fit with the seriousness of the conversation, but it was so hard to fight it, and Bash caved a little as he kissed Theo’s jaw, unable to resist the temptation. “I don’t want to leave you,” he murmured, his hand resting on Theo’s thigh and curling inward, pulling him closer. The conversation was too serious. He needed a proper distraction.
"I don't want you to leave either," Theo muttered, feeling a bit restless, aroused and unsure even as Bash began to touch him. "But I bet you're going to, right?" He didn't mean to sound angry, but maybe he was. Maybe this was all just temporary, something for Bash to distract himself with until he went off to college and made something of himself. Something a lot better than Theo, because he was a drop out loser, wasn't he? "You'll meet a lot of new people... guys who're much better for you too. You'll forget about me."
Bash was hit with such a weird mix of emotions, he didn’t quite know how to respond. He was taken aback by the bitterness in Theo’s voice, startled by the anger, yet still grappling with desire that now seemed inappropriate for the conversation. “No,” Bash said, giving a little shake of his head as he continued to rub a hand over Theo’s thigh. “I’d never forget about you. You mean too much to me. I don’t want anyone else. I just want you.” The idea that there might be someone better for him seemed absurd at the moment. Why leave someone he adored, someone who understood the shit that he dealt with on a regular basis, just in case there might be someone better? Better at what? Bash couldn’t even imagine.
Theo was dealing with warring emotions as well, torn between simmering anger and lust. He had no idea what to focus on, what to say or do. Being stuck in the tiny boat they were in didn't help anything. He couldn't get up and pace around, or storm off. He was stuck, just like Bash would be stuck if he stayed in Point Pleasant. "I think you know if you stay here, you're going to be miserable," Theo said. "Everyone here is miserable. If you stay because of me, you'll end up resenting me too and I think we both know that. We both know you're going to go, so why are we even pretending otherwise?"
“I’ll be miserable without you,” Bash whined, even though he knew he would move on if he had to. He’d gotten over Hunter, he could get over Theo. The problem was that he didn’t want to. But a part of him was worried that Theo was right—what if they eventually broke up and he’d have missed his chance to leave? Nobody stayed together forever, not even the couples that seemed the most dedicated to each other. He thought of his parents, married but barely together, and knew he wanted something better than that. But being with Theo had always felt better than that. It felt good in all the right ways, and the only thing wrong was the idea that he needed to go elsewhere to be happy. “I’m not pretending,” he said, hands tightening on Theo, as if that would help. “I wish I could stay or take you with me. I don’t know what the right answer is, but none of them feel right. Don’t you get that? Do you even want to be here?”
"Who really wants to be here?" Theo snapped. He understood, on some level, that he was overreacting but he couldn't seem to stop. It was like all his deep seated worries had bubbled to the surface. "I don't want to be here, but I can't go anywhere else. I already tried and it didn't work out. I'm not as smart as you are, Bash. You can go to college and be great at it. I failed and dropped out and now I'm a fucking file clerk at the police station." Yes, he wanted to be a cop eventually but it felt like it would take forever. "I mean, how many people our age actually get together and stay together? The odds are pretty stacked against us."
Bash jerked his hand back as if he’d been slapped, Theo’s words issuing the burn. It was one thing for him to think it in his most pessimistic of moments, but another to have it thrown back at him, forcing him to confront it. The lust that he’d been trying to hold back finally began to subside, only to be replaced by a flare of anger to match Theo’s. “So, what? We just shouldn’t try? We should just say ‘fuck it’ and give up? Just go ahead and be lonely because we know that’s the end result?” he asked, indignation taking over. “I’ve done that! I was fine with it until you came along, with your smile and your charm and your stupid, fucking cock.” He poked Theo with each word, anger flowing freely now. “You were supposed to be a distraction! I never meant to love you. Fuck!”
"I never asked for you to love me!" Theo grabbed Bash's hand to keep him from poking further. In a hazy sort of way, he realized what was happening, that Bash was admitting that he loved Theo, but it was so strange how it was all coming out. Theo was just having a hard time separating his anger from his feelings and it was frustrating. It was like something had taken over his body and mouth and mind. "And fuck it, but I love you too. Which is annoying as fuck. You and I both know someone else'll come along with a smile and charm... I mean, no one's gonna match my cock, but I guess you can't have it all." He was breathing heavy now, wanting to climb out of the boat and make his way to the edge and run away from all of this. "You want to end up like your mom and dad? Or my mom? Basically, unhappy. Because that's what's waiting for you here, Bash. Unhappiness. You know it."
Somehow the conversation had gotten away from Bash. He wasn’t even sure if he was making sense, snapping at Theo about love and sex and everything in-between. He’d gone from lust to anger so fast it was giving him whiplash, spewing thoughts before he even had time to think them through and practically shaking with emotion as a result. “Shut your fucking mouth,” he snapped, shoving at Theo because he couldn’t bring himself to hit him. The worst part was the little voice in his head that thought Theo might be right—not that he’d find someone better, but that he’d be miserable if he stayed. Because other than Theo and a handful of friends, what in Point Pleasant was worth staying for? “You can’t ask me to move in with you, then try to run me off. Make up your fucking mind!” he shouted, mind going ten different directions at once. “If you’re so miserable here, then leave! No one’s keeping you here. If you don’t want to be a file clerk, then get your ass in gear and do something about it. You wanna be a cop, be a fucking cop. Or, better yet, be a cop somewhere else, somewhere where the world doesn’t implode every few months. You have a choice, just like I do.”
Maybe they were both angry because they both knew it was the truth. The odds weren't really in their favor, were they? But then again, the odds of happiness weren't really in the favor of anyone living in Point Pleasant. Like Bash said, the place imploded all the time. It was a shock anyone still lived there, in all honesty. "Don't tell me what to do," Theo muttered, feeling petulant now. Never mind that he had just been doing the same thing to Bash. "I'm not miserable here, because you're here. But you're not gonna be here forever." He was relieved to find the ride was nearing an end because he didn't think he would stop shaking from his own irrational fury until he was out of the damn boat. "I'm not trying to run you off. I'm trying to make sure you make the right choices." Theo laughed humorlessly. "Fuck... I sound like a fucking parent."
“I don’t care if they’re the wrong choices, so long as they’re mine,” Bash seethed as Theo struck a nerve. He was so tired of being told what to do, even if all the critical decisions he’d made in the past year had been bad ones. He’d take the blame for all of them, grovel for forgiveness if he had to, but he wasn’t turning over his freedom to fuck up again if he chose to. And he knew he would. It was only a matter of time, as evidenced by the raising of the lights, the little boat leaving the cave and lifting whatever fog had settled in his brain. It left Bash shaken, the fight in him dying, but not the sting of the words said. It all came rushing in at once and Bash scrambled out of the boat in response, needing to gather himself back up. What were they supposed to do now, after all of that was said? Did his feelings even matter? Did Theo’s? It shouldn’t have hurt so much, except that was a joke. Bash knew better now than he did before—it always hurt, and the more he cared, the worse he felt.
As soon as Bash climbed out of the boat, Theo followed. It was as though he left his anger back on the ride and now he just felt some regret and uncertainty. Why had he gotten so mad about everything? They both knew the future wasn't set in stone, so why was he so convinced that it was going to be miserable? He caught up to Bash, touching his elbow briefly. "I'm sorry," he said, not entirely sure Bash would want to hear apologies. "I really don't know what got into me. I shouldn't have dumped all of that on you. It just... felt impossible to keep in for some reason."
“Me too,” Bash murmured, taking one deep breath, then another. He scrubbed a hand over his face, then up into his hair, trying to shake it off, but the resulting emotions didn’t disappear as easily as the fog that had clouded his brain. “Did you mean it?” he asked, eyes unfocused, afraid to look at Theo for fear of what he might see. The ride hadn’t been that long, yet he felt completely drained by it, stunned by how quickly the night could take a turn for the worse. He knew there were some bits in there that should make him happy, that he’d have been overjoyed to hear any other time, but it was impossible to separate it from the rest.
Theo shoved his hands into his pockets, hesitating before he finally answered. "Some of it, I guess. I mean, I meant it when I said I love you. And yeah, I think I meant it when I said you would probably be unhappy staying here. But I think that's because I don't want to fuck up your life. If things don't work out, you could be stuck here, or maybe you feel like you missed out on something." It was said with much less bite than before and without any anger. It was just honesty and Theo wanted to be honest. Lying would make everything worse. Bash might not understand it, but Theo felt like he was the king of fuck ups and he wasn't entirely sure he was worth sticking around for.
Bash took a slow, deep breath, then stepped closer to Theo, pressing up against him, just to be close. His choices might’ve been easier if they’d never hooked up, but Bash was certain that he’d have been missing out. He wouldn’t trade it, no matter how much he hated the place he was in now. “I’ve been fucking things up for years,” he said with a soft laugh. “If I happen to do it again, you can’t take all the credit just because you’re with me.” For all he knew, he might leave for college and find himself in the same situation as Theo, back before the year was out. Just because he was in the top of his class in high school didn’t mean he’d excel in college, where the stakes were higher and no one was around to keep tabs on him. “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. “I feel like all my options suck for one reason or another.”
"I didn't mean to push you into making a decision," Theo admitted before slipping his hand into Bash's. "And I do want you to come live with me on the boat this summer. You don't have to make up your mind about anything right now, do you?" Theo was sure Bash's parents would say yes, but Bash was legally an adult now and could do whatever it was he wanted. Theo just had to be patient until Bash figured out exactly what that was.
“No,” Bash said, his hand squeezing Theo’s. “Not yet.” His parents wanted an answer weeks ago and at this point they’d loose their deposit on his dorm room if he backed out, but his tuition wasn’t due until the semester started. He didn’t pick his classes until late July, which meant they could still be online courses. He could still opt to stay if he wanted to. He knew it wasn’t what his parents wanted, but in the end it was still his decision. He’d make it when he had to. “I’m sorry for making this so difficult. For ruining the night,” he sighed. “I do want to come live with you. In that itty bitty boat. So you have to climb over me every morning just to get to work.”
"No, you didn't ruin anything," Theo said quickly, squeezing Bash's hand. "You wanted to make out on the boat and I decided to argue. It was fucking stupid. The night's not ruined. We'll still have some fun and you know, go back to the boat and have even more fun." Grinning at Bash, Theo figured it had been good to get some stuff off his chest, though he wished he had done it in a calmer manner. "But yeah, let's cram together in my boat for a couple of months. It'll be a good time, I promise."
“Okay,” Bash said with a little smirk. “I still wanna make out with you. Since you denied me, want to try the Ferris wheel?” He knew that ignoring the future wasn’t going to make it go away, but he wasn’t ready to face that decision yet. This thing they had together felt good, better than he’d really felt possible, and he wanted to fight for it—the problem was, there was no one to fight but himself and his own decisions. So he’d put it off for another time. He’d push the hurtful words aside and focus on the three little words he never expected to hear from Theo. Even if he didn’t say them again, Bash knew they were there and that was what mattered.