Who: Sage, Riley (NPC), Austin (NPC), and Foster (NPC) Where: Austin & Foster's house When: Evening, Tuesday, June 26th Status: Complete
“Sage!”
Sage grinned as Riley jumped to his feet, leaving Austin and Foster on the couch. Both shot him a smile and a wave, but it was clear they were mid-battle and dropping their controllers would result in their immediate slaughter. As they continued to coordinate their efforts with the other players online, Sage hugged Riley back.
“Hey, Ry,” Sage snickered, rolling his eyes as his friend dramatically kissed both his cheeks. Always with the drama. Of all of them, he was closest to Riley, making them more like brothers. It was both a good thing and a bad. “Missed you, too.”
“Come, sit, it’s been forever since we’ve all hung out. You’ve been fuckin’ hiding, man,” Riley said as he tugged on Sage’s arm, dragging him back towards the couch.
It was their usual hangout, had been since Austin bought the place, and it was a relief to see that so little had changed. Fear that they’d moved on was part of the reason Sage had been avoiding them, but everything seemed just how he left it, all the way down to the spare bag of M&Ms he’d hidden in the couch cushions. Sage fished it out with a grin, ripped it open, and popped one in his mouth.
“It’s not like you haven’t seen me,” Sage pointed out as he munched on the candy. “It’s just been a rough month.” They’d all come by to see him after he’d gotten back, but he’d been stalling on this for longer than he should have. He knew at some point they’d want to play and normally would have been the first to suggest it, but he was scared the music wouldn’t come to him. He’d barely even held his guitar since getting back.
Riley gave him a look that said he didn’t buy it for a second, but didn’t push. After all Sage had gone through, he deserved a little slack. He may not have gotten all the details of his time away, but he’d gotten enough to know it was worse than anything he’d ever been through and that was saying a lot. Riley hadn’t thought anything could be worse than the tunnel incident. It sucked to be proven wrong. “Okay, you get a pass, just don’t do it again,” he said, pointing at Sage as he picked up his beer from the coffee table. “We missed your pretty face too damn much. Who did the blue for you?” he asked, gesturing towards Sage’s head.
Sage reached up and ran his fingers through his hair, so much shorter than he usually wore it. It’d been so matted that he’d had to cut most of it off, but he was growing it out as fast as he could. “Jacob,” he said. “I keep thinking I wanna go black.”
“Feeling a little emo?” Austin asked, never taking his eyes off the game. His own hair was black as ink and though that came naturally, Sage knew there was no real judgment there. They all had their own bit of flare. For Austin, it was the black lines that sometimes lined his eyes.
“Keller?” Foster asked at almost the same time.
“Kinda,” Sage snorted, answering Austin first. “I mean, I’m living at home again. I don’t have a job. I feel like shit most of the time, so… yeah, black. But black and blue feels a little too dramatic. And yeah, Keller.” They all knew Jacob, or had known him on some level, but had never been friends with him the way Sage had. They’d been a separate group of friends to begin with, one that never managed to bridge, especially after the incident at the tunnel. That they’d all put up walls and closed ranks hadn’t helped, but then ‘The Cooperdale Five’ had left town. All except for Sage. He felt lucky that his friendship with his bandmates had stayed strong, even when he’d been tight lipped about what had happened.
“You can move in with us,” Austin offered. “We’d just have to clean out the spare.” He’d talked it over with Foster and they’d decided it might actually work, the three of them in one place. Plus, it’d give Foster another extrovert to hang out with when he’d reached his limit and needed his own space. The house wasn’t huge, but they’d all have their own rooms.
“I dunno,” Sage said, worrying his bottom lip. “Maybe? I at least need a job. I’m not gonna squat in your spare and eat all your food.” Living with Riley hadn’t worked. They’d tried it just out of high school and discovered they were too much alike in all the wrong ways. But he thought living with Foster and Austin could be fun, provided he could find some way to contribute. Anything would be better than living at home. His parents were hyper-aware of him coming and going, worried when he stayed out late and didn’t come home, and he really couldn’t blame them. He’d disappeared for six months and they kept worrying it would happen again. But he felt like he needed a job before he could even consider living anywhere else.
“Are you not teaching anymore?” Riley asked, brow furrowing. He knew Sage had cycled through a number of jobs over the years, but the one thing that had been consistent had been the piano and guitar lessons he offered. If he wasn’t teaching, then there was no one decent in the area, at least in Riley’s opinion. “What about Dragonfly?”
“I kinda need to call all my students and tell them I’m alive,” Sage said with a small cringe. It was a task he’d been avoiding, not sure how to explain what had happened to so many people. He’d rather not tell them anything at all. But it also felt weird not to be teaching. It felt weird not to have music in his life, like he wasn’t completely breathing. “I called Dragonfly, but Nate filled the position a couple months back. He said he’d let me know if something opens up, but who knows when that could be.”
“What about The Porch?” Riley asked. He knew Sage knew how to bartend, so the other bar in town might also be an option, as well as any of the restaurants with a full bar. It wasn’t Sage’s dream job, but he’d been under the impression it paid okay. None of them were exactly living the dream.
Sage shrugged. “I dunno. Joss works there. I could always check.” He just hadn’t made the effort yet. He wasn’t sure what he was waiting on, other than his nerves to die down. Bartenders usually worked into the night and Sage wanted to be able to walk to his car after a shift without having a nervous breakdown. “I’ll figure something out. I just gotta get out of my parent’s house.”
“I don’t know how you do it,” Foster said, shaking his head. “I can’t last twenty-four hours in my parent’s house. They treat me like I’m still thirteen.”
“Yeah, Mom wasn’t cool about Penny staying over. Doesn’t have much say now that we live together,” Riley shrugged, glad that he didn’t have to deal with that nonsense anymore.
“Yeah, they kinda flip out if I don’t come home,” Sage said. “If I don’t text by midnight, mom’s likely to call the cops.” He understood their paranoia, but that didn’t mean he liked it. It was more attention he wanted on his comings and goings, especially now.
“Who you spending the night with, Saaaaage?” Riley cooed. He knew Sage hadn’t been getting out a lot lately, so he couldn’t imagine who he might be hooking up with, except– “Wait, you didn’t hook up with Jacob, did you?”
Sage snorted and shook his head. “No. Jacob’s still with Connor.”
“He’s not your type anyways,” Austin muttered, his focus back on the game.
Sage raised a brow, a bit surprised by the input.
“Whatdoya mean?” Riley asked, brow furrowing as he looked from Austin to Sage. “He’s artsy. Kinda hot, I guess. If you like guys.” Riley didn’t and sometimes felt a little inept at identifying Sage’s tastes as a result. In the years since Sage had come out, he’d only seen him with a handful of guys compared to girls. The only reason he’d guessed Jacob was that he knew they were close, that he’d dyed Sage’s hair for him, and he was the only gay guy their age that Riley knew, other than Sage.
“Sage likes partners that are more… assertive,” Austin said. He’d seen Sage flirt with enough people over the years, both girls and guys, to pick up on that much. Unless Jacob Keller had drastically changed, he didn’t fit that bill.
“Jacob’s hot,” Sage said with an amused little smile. “But Austin’s right. He’s not my type.” For reasons that were so much more apparent now than they’d been a few weeks ago. But he wasn’t about to get into all that with them. He couldn’t properly explain without revealing things about Jacob that were both none of their business and not his to tell.
“Okay, then who is your type?” Riley asked, coming back to the original topic. “Don’t dodge the question.”
“I wasn’t,” Sage laughed softly. “You’re the one who took off down the wrong road.” He ran a hand through his fringe, a nervous tick they were all aware of, but he still couldn’t help. “I met a guy.” He knew he couldn’t just leave it at that, but just thinking of Marsh brought a smile to his face that said far more than words.
“A guy. Does he have a name?” Riley grinned back at Sage.
“Marsh. Marshall. He’s a vet,” Sage said, some part of him not wanting to give too much away. With enough information, they’d all be googling the man before the end of the day.
“And, what? He was just wandering the neighborhood, picking up strays?” Riley teased.
“We met at a party,” Sage said, and that earned him a look from all of them. It took Sage half a second to figure out why. He’d been avoiding getting together with all of them, yet had been willing to go to a party. It wasn’t exactly what they thought, but it was hard to explain. Sometimes strangers were easier to handle. “It was that cocktail party. At the country club. For the police department. I went with Jacob and his boyfriend.”
“Oh, I see, you won’t hang out with us, but you’ll go to an Overlook party to nab yourself a man,” Riley said, his laugh failing to mask the underlying hurt. Sage had put distance between them since he’d been back and he couldn’t understand why. None of them could. Every time he’d been around him, Sage had seemed more quiet and withdrawn than usual, even now. Riley had wanted to chalk that up to the trauma he’d been through, but maybe that wasn’t the case if he was attending functions at the country club. It wasn’t even his scene. Foster and Austin sat quietly beside them, listening. Possibly judging, but probably not. Riley was trying his best not to, but it was hard.
“It wasn’t like that,” Sage said, drawing his feet up onto the couch and pulling his knees to his chest. “I thought I’d try getting out. Didn’t really work out. Had a meltdown in the bathroom. Marsh kinda… talked me down.” He’d been home for a month at that point and assumed he could handle it, only to find out he’d taken on too much. Meeting Marsh had been a happy accident, a silver lining amongst all the gray. “Least he knows what he’s getting into.”
“Hey,” Riley said, knocking his knee against Sage’s, his lips turned down in a frown. “Don’t do that. Dude’s lucky to have met you, no matter what state you were in.” He leaned forward, stealing an M&M from the pack in Sage’s hand. “We’re just bummed you didn’t come around here sooner, that’s all. Felt like you were avoiding us.”
Sage took a deep breath, licking his lips, trying to find the words to explain what he’d been going through. He had been avoiding them, but not for reasons that were easy to explain. He trusted them, had been through all kinds of shit with them, and knew they could handle hearing about what he’d been through. He’d shared pieces with them individually. It was being together as a group, as a band, that he’d been avoiding. “It’s not you. Not any of you,” he said. “I like hanging out. This is great. It’s just that… I can’t play.”
Foster pulled his headphones off, turning to look at him as the game continued on the screen. Austin did the same, both of them aware that would likely get them killed. The conversation had just become more important and their online teammates would just have to suffer.
“What do you mean?” Riley asked, always the ringleader, most likely to voice the things that made them uncomfortable.
“I mean, like… I just sit at the piano, or hold my guitar. And nothing much comes out,” Sage shrugged, his eyes falling to the knee-hole in his jeans, which he proceeded to make bigger. “I know you’ve wanted to get together and play, but I don’t know if I’m up for it. And I don’t know how to get here.” The lack of desire scared the shit out of him. There’d never been a time in his life when music failed him, when he couldn’t rely on it to inspire or comfort him. He’d finally gotten to the point where listening helped, but he’d not sang or played in over six months. The last thing he’d wanted was to get together as a band and fail them.
“Sage,” Riley said, waiting until Sage looked up at him to continue. “We don’t care if we play. We just wanna see you, make sure you’re okay.”
“And distract you if you’re not,” Foster chimed in.
“It’s not like we have anything booked,” Austin said. “There’s no pressure. We can play video games. We can watch movies and get drunk. I’d say we could dye your hair, but someone beat us to it. Maybe we’ll braid it instead.” He was pleased to see Sage smile at that, a little of the light back in his eyes.
“It’s not long enough,” Sage muttered, giving the ends a little tug.
“Just don’t shut us out,” Riley said softly. He’d been asking Sage to come play with them, thinking he’d want the outlet. He’d never considered the possibility that it might be the reason Sage was staying away. In all the years he’d known him, he’d always seen Sage use music to work through things. It really spoke to how badly shaken he was if that wasn’t even an option yet.
Sage took another deep breath and nodded, unwinding just a little. “I didn’t mean to,” he said, a quiet plea for them to forgive him. “I wanna try. But I also don’t wanna disappoint you. I might stand there like an idiot, holding my guitar.”
“So?” Foster grinned. “Not that different from the norm.”
“Asshole.” Sage kicked him and when they laughed, he felt something inside him settle further, like he’d finally stopped holding so tight to that one specific fear. It was still there, and probably would be until he played again, but at least things were better with his boys.
“Did you even bring Ronnie?” Riley asked, raising a brow.
Austin answered while Sage shook his head. “He’d never leave her in the car.”
“I knew if I brought her, you’d want to play,” Sage admitted. Carrying in his guitar would have been an open invitation. Without it, he would have to borrow one of theirs, if there was a spare lying around.
“So are you against listening?” Riley asked, an idea forming in his head. He wasn’t going to pressure Sage, but maybe he needed an opportunity to get back into it gradually. Or even just let loose a little. This wasn’t an official session, so none of them had come planning to seriously play, but Austin’s garage was always set up, ready to jam. “We could do some throwback karaoke,” he suggested. “Run through all the greatest emo hits. Drink, bounce around, play what we know and let the music do the rest.”
“That sounds like fun,” Sage smiled, not sure how much he’d actually contribute, but liking the idea of it. It would feel good just to be around music again, to turn up the volume and let the drums pound along with his heartbeat. Maybe he’d just sit back and let them rock out, or maybe he’d feel the moment and join in. He was better knowing there was no pressure to return to normal right that moment. Everyone wanted him to get better, and he appreciated that, but he couldn’t speed it along, no matter how much he wanted to.
“Let’s get you a beer,” Riley said, hopping up from the couch. “We’ll give it a go after we’re all good and buzzed.” And if all Sage did was lay around and laugh at them, that was fine. Laughter was a step in the right direction and that was all they really needed for the time being. He was sure Sage would get there eventually, so long as they were patient with him. So long as he didn’t give up, neither would they.