Carson Durand (dontlaugh) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2022-04-05 13:02:00 |
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Entry tags: | #june 2018, carson, carson x jules, jules |
Who: Jules and Carson
When: mid-morning, Tuesday, June 26th
Where: Jules’s house, Moxie's
Status: complete
The night at the motel had been as nice as a night on a fifteen year old heavily used mattress could be. Rylee’s company was always awesome, of course, but he’d gotten the pleasure of sleeping in bed with her for weeks now. Carson couldn’t blame all of his restlessness on the mattress though -- tired as he’d been, his mind refused to quiet down for the longest time once the lights went out. He tried not to roll around too much and wake Rylee up, but Carson couldn’t seem to get comfortable enough. He finally dozed off in the wee hours of the morning, but his dreams weren’t much more restful than being awake.
It was too easy to wake up too early, and Carson was immediately jittery about finding Jules. After getting some breakfast with Rylee, he took the car and drove up to Overlook, following the instinctual sense of her he had. He couldn’t help but wonder if she could feel him too, or if she’d blocked everyone out to that extent. Carson knew she was at home ... he just hoped her mother wasn’t. I’m almost to your house, he thought at her, trying to make it loud and clear and hard to ignore. Please talk to me, Jules.
Jules knew on some level that Carson was back in town. She vaguely recalled hearing him in her head, but she had been pushing out everything that reminded her of the Badness in her life. She deserved to be eighteen and carefree and happy. And she was happy. Happy and permanently high, it felt like. Every time something distressing began to rise in her mind, something just clicked in her brain and everything was better. She didn't even notice when something slithered beneath her skin anymore. She certainly didn't notice the way her skin looked more pale and dark circles had started to form under her eyes. It seemed like a small price to pay to feel this nice this often. Besides, makeup covered it up just fine.
Jules was home and sunbathing on the back deck when she heard Carson in her head again. She had planned on ignoring him, like all the times before, but the bit about being near her house made her pause. He was coming to her house? Jules grabbed her bathing suit cover up and slipped it over her head before walking inside the house to check out the front window. About what? She finally reached out, her hand trembling slightly as she pushed the curtain back to search for his car. Maybe he was just lying about coming to her house, just to get her to talk.
Carson hadn’t really expected an answer, so hearing Jules’s voice in his head again gave him a little jolt. He had a half-second of intense relief, but it was swept away pretty quickly because Jules didn’t sound at all happy to hear from him. Carson flexed his hands on the wheel as he turned down her street, telling himself to be strong. She needed help, even if she didn’t want it. About what’s going on with you, and why you’ve been shutting me out. You’ve been scaring the shit out of me, Carson told her, trying to keep his mental voice calm and even. It was only a few seconds more before he was pulling into Jules’s driveway, determined not to let her turn him away.
Had Jules been clear headed, she might have panicked at the sight of the car pulling into her driveway. As it was, those feelings were muted and she felt both irritated and happy. Carson was there! But at the same time, she couldn't understand why people couldn't take a hint when she ignored them. Scratching the nape of her neck, Jules sighed and walked over to the front door to unlock it. This is really silly, she told him as she tugged the door open to watch him get out of the car. There's nothing going on with me. Like... at all.
Then it’ll be a short conversation, I guess, Carson replied as he climbed out and started toward the open door. He’d been keeping the beard since he’d gotten back, it just grew too damn fast for him to bother shaving every day. Carson had put some muscle weight back on too, he’d gotten back into the gym in Virginia, so he thought he was looking pretty good these days. Not that that mattered when it came to Jules, but it just sort of highlighted that she did not look great as he approached the front porch. Nor did she smell right, he realized once he got closer. It wasn’t BO or anything, just something different that only his nose could probably pick up. Carson gave her a wan smile and spread his arms a bit, raising his brows. “It’s good to see you,” he said out loud.
Jules studied him warily, her arms twitching like they knew she wanted to hug him, but refusing to let her. It was that underlying acknowledgement that Carson represented all the bad stuff that had happened to her. Even so, it was good to see him too. He looked a lot healthier and happier in a weird way, like he had successfully washed Point Pleasant off of his body. "Did you really drive all this way just to check on me?" Jules asked, bringing her hands up to rub her arms instead. "Or are you like, dropping in during family time or whatever." He probably told her in her brain, but Jules had been doing a really good job at pushing all of that out.
The rejection of a hug stung more than Carson would’ve expected, and he let his hands drop to his thighs again. It was just another huge clue that something was really wrong. Carson had believed what Nic had told him, of course, but it was different to see her for himself. She was pale and there were dark circles under her eyes, and there was that sickly-sweet undercurrent to her scent ... “Yeah, I came to see you,” he answered honestly, studying her face closely. “I mean, we’re gonna see family while we’re here of course, but you’re what got me in the car. So ... here I am. Why are you trying so hard to ghost me, Jules?” The question was quiet and a little hurt, which was how he really felt, and Carson hoped the vulnerability would make her open up. They’d been the closest out of their dream-cursed little group -- he saw her as an adopted sister, and he’d thought she was on the same page.
Jules didn't know how to answer that question and she pressed her fingertips into her upper arms, caught in conflicting emotions. "I wasn't," she began, sounding lame even to her own ears. "I mean... you left." It was bordering on physical pain to deal with the things swimming through her mind, what she should say and not say. There was joy that he was there, but also mild resentment and bad memories and he had left her. Throwing her head back, Jules inhaled deep and then smiled at him, shaking off the prickles of irritation and uncertainty. "You wanna come inside?" she asked, her tone much lighter. "We can like, talk and stuff if you want."
Some guilt flared up in Carson at that quiet accusation -- you left. He had left, for the sake of his own sanity and his relationship with Rylee. Maybe Jules couldn’t completely understand that, since she hadn’t been Over There ... or gone through all the bullshit he’d gone through even before it all started. The thought came with some of his own resentment that he didn’t really want to feel. She’d suffered in her own way, Carson knew that, in a way he’d never completely understand. The shift in her was strange, but he wasn’t going to let that deter him, and Carson nodded and murmured, “Yeah, definitely.” He moved to step into the house when Jules made room, vaguely hoping again that Ms. Cooper wasn’t home so he wouldn't have to explain how a grown ass man covered in tattoos knew her eighteen year old daughter.
Jules closed the door after Carson came inside, even though she didn't really know what to talk about. Maybe normal things instead of whatever reason it was that he came back to town. It was still weird that he'd come all this way just because she hadn't answered his brain calls. Or texts. Jules led him to the living room where she plopped down in the chair and drew her knees up to the edge of the cushion. "Do you like Virginia?" See? She could talk about things. He would feel better about visiting, see she was fine, and leave. Jules felt the urge to grab a blanket and cover herself up, but she opted to sink a bit deeper into the chair instead.
Carson followed her, glancing around the house as they made their way to the living room. He didn’t think he’d ever even been in a house this size, much less lived in one. He sat down on the couch when Jules took a chair, stretching his prosthetic out straight under the coffee table. Jules’s question felt a little weird, like she was just trying to put him off, even though it was a fairly normal question on the surface. “Yeah, I like Virginia,” he answered with a faint smile. “Got pretty nice and settled in. Life is quiet there.” Carson paused, studying her face. She looked pale and a little sunken, in a way. He found himself looking for movement under her skin, like what Nic had seen. “How’ve you been, Jules?” he asked quietly. “For real, I want to know.”
She was happy for Carson. Really, she was. It just also felt so unfair. Why couldn't she be somewhere where life was quiet? Jules's eyebrows rose at his question and she gave him a smile with a rather indifferent shrug. "I'm good," she said, because she was good! Happy. Happier, anyway. Being floaty and uncaring meant happy for her right now. "Enjoying the summer. I'm going to get my own place soon. My dad... left me some money... so you know, that'll be even better, getting to live alone or whatever. So yeah, everything is fine. You didn't have to worry about me."
His expression was skeptical as she answered. Jules didn’t look good, and what Nic had told Carson definitely sounded like reason to worry. Not to mention the way she’d frozen him out. A touch of doubt crept in at the edges of Carson’s thoughts, however ... maybe he was overreacting. Maybe Jules had just decided their friendship was over since he’d moved, and she was just acting like a teen girl. Was he being a crazy stalker? He suddenly wasn’t sure. Carson tried to push through it, leaning forward a bit to brace his elbows on his thighs. “Is it though? Fine?” he asked, his voice still low and his brow furrowed with concern. “Nic said you’re all mixed up with some bad people, and there was ... he saw something like ... move, under your skin. And there’s the breakup and you weren’t talking to me ... of course I’m worried, Jules. You look kind of sick, and you don’t smell right.”
Nic. Of course. Jules rolled her eyes and threw her head back against the chair, an incredulous laugh escaping her. "I'm not mixed up with any bad people. They're helping me, Carson! Everybody breaks up eventually. I'm over it, okay? And I wasn't talking to you because... because I was trying to ignore all the things that reminded me of the bad stuff. Isn't that why you left town? To get away from everything that hurt you?" Jules rubbed her hands over her face and then looked at Carson with an air of resignation. She could feel those things beneath her skin, they were starting to surface again, working to push away the negative emotions she was feeling. "Nic didn't see anything. He lied to you. I think I smell just fine though. Maybe you're just smelling the sunblock."
There was a lot there to refute -- not everybody broke up eventually, Carson’s reasons for leaving had been complex, he didn’t think Nic was a liar, especially not about this -- he hardly knew where to start. It also hurt to hear that he reminded Jules of all the bad stuff, but Carson supposed that was understandable. “No, I smell that too, this is something else,” he murmured, still staring hard at her. “It’s sweet and very strange. Foreign. My nose is almost like a dog’s now, you know? And look ... I’m not here trying to remind you of all the bad stuff. I’m, uh ... sorry you feel that way about me. I just wanna help you. And those people, even though they’re helping you right now, they’ve done some really bad stuff to people we know. They could be dangerous to you. All those people can’t be liars. Vex wouldn’t lie to me.” Carson could sound absolutely sure about that, because Vex was pack to him now. He’d thought Jules was too, but maybe he’d been wrong. “Just because someone is treating you well at the moment doesn’t mean they’re good, Jules. It’s a shitty lesson to learn, but it’s important. Maybe if you asked, Neil would show you everything, in his mind. You can see they’re real memories, not lies.” Carson already knew she wouldn’t go for that, but he had to suggest it anyway.
"I don't want anything to do with Neil, ever. He's a liar and an asshole. Did you know he's the reason you got stuck over there? Everyone blames me, right? Even Jasper, I think. But I didn't want to do that to you or him or any of them. Neil more or less electrocuted me to shut everyone in. But I'm the one who gets blamed for everything. I’m the dangerous one. So I don't trust anything Neil would show or tell me. If dreams can be manipulated then so can memories." Jules brought her hands up to her neck, rubbing the skin to try and keep those things beneath. It happened every time she began to feel sad, or angry or distressed. It's like they came alive and just released endorphins into her and while she wanted that now, she didn't want it with Carson sitting there. He wouldn't understand it. "You know Neil was there when the fire killed all those people, right? Including my dad. He was there. And Jane. And probably whoever else is hanging out with them now. They killed the people who were trying to help them. No one's hurt me, Carson. They haven't made me do anything I don't want to do. So yeah, I think you're being lied to."
Carson frowned deeper at her, feeling like her whole perception of what had happened had somehow gotten kind of warped. “Who’s blaming you? I’m not, I thought I made that clear to you before I left,” he said, trying to keep his tone calm and lowkey. It wouldn’t do any good to flash back at her, even though so many things she was saying felt wrong to Carson. He knew he only had bits and pieces of information, but Vex had told him quite a bit, and Carson trusted Vex much more than any of the people Jules was defending so hard. “It wasn’t your fault, Jules. Or Neil’s, or any of our fault. If we hadn’t done what we did, a lot more people would’ve died. It was a shitty, horrible choice to have to make, but it saved lives, and I think a lot of them know that. As for the rest of it ... they were just kids, Jules.” He looked at her imploringly, not really understanding why she wasn’t registering that part. “They were all kids, and they weren’t being helped, AIR was hurting them. All of them had gone missing, did you know that part? They were all taken from their parents. There’s news stories about all of them back then, missing posters ... look into it. Because I think you’re being lied to. I dunno how much your dad had to do with it, and it’s awful that he died, but I don’t think you’re being given the full picture here, and I don’t want something bad to happen to you next, you know?”
Jules wished Carson could see that this was why she had blocked him out. She didn't want to hear any of this, to have the one good thing she still had in her life be tarnished. If she was being lied to, then what? Jules watched Carson wearily, wondering why Nic had to open his big fat mouth. Nic, who she hadn't spoken to since January, suddenly sticking his nose into her business. "I don't want to talk about this," Jules said, resting her forehead on her bent knees. "Even if you're telling me the truth, that was then. All those people are dead. Things are different now. They're helping me. They're the only ones helping me. What do you want me to do?" If she believed Carson and turned her back on Dr. Wilkes, then that would probably mean she would lose Ethan too and she didn't want that. If she believed her dad was capable of hurting children, what did that mean for her? It wasn't like her mom was some saint. Her mom could be straight up crazy sometimes. Between her two parents, Jules was probably doomed.
Carson’s heart hurt for her, it really did. She was just a kid too, even though she was a legal adult now. A kid who’d gone through a sanity-shattering ordeal, with more emotional fallout than she knew how to handle. It made Carson want to physically reach out, wrap her up in his arms, try to comfort her ... but she’d rejected just a hug, and he didn’t want to make things even more weird. “Maybe you’re right,” he said softly. “And I really hope you are, for your sake. You told me they taught you to control it, and that’s amazing ... I hope their intentions are better now. But I also hope you can see where this concern is coming from. I care about you so much, I just want you to be safe.” He ran a hand over his hair and scratched the back of his neck a bit, still looking fretful. “And I don’t ... know any answers on what to do. Except trying to find the truth. If they’re lying to you about their history ... how much should you really trust them? Just something to think about maybe,” he ended in a mumble.
Carson made plenty of sense and Jules knew that. She just wasn't in the right frame of mind to fully embrace it. But then she felt better, happier, like she was surfacing from dark water, able to breathe again. The heaviness in her chest dissipated too, bringing a sense of relief. Lifting her head from her knees, Jules's tone softened as she smiled at him. "I'll think about it. I know you're just looking out for me. Things have just been weird lately. I'm being as safe as I can be, you know, considering where I live. You're not being safe though, coming back here. I feel bad that you did that for me."
The mood shift was a little weird, but teen girls were moody, right? Carson was still sensing there was something Not Right about her, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. It was there in her scent, but he couldn’t put his nose on it either. His senses fed him so much information these days he still didn’t know how to interpret. “Well, y’know,” Carson murmured with a wan little smile. “I can turn into a giant furry death machine on command now, so I’m not too worried about me.” There was the full moon coming up, and Carson still didn’t know how that was going to go, so he had another reason to be in Point Pleasant, but it didn’t seem worth mentioning. “Can I help? With anything? Even just listening, I’ll shut my mouth now if you want ... like how have things been weird?”
She supposed being a werewolf definitely helped his situation. He could protect himself now, which was good. Jules could too, in a way. "You don't have to help with anything," she said finally. "I mean weird as in... weird. Just... trying to figure things out. What I'm going to do with myself. But I'm just trying to have fun this summer and things keep crapping in my lap!" She released a laugh and lifted her hands up to her mouth to stifle it a little. "I just want to feel normal, Carson. I broke up with my boyfriend. I'm single, I don't have a job, I don't have to go to school yet, if ever. I just don't know why I can't be eighteen and living in a normal ass town with normal ass people." Despite her ranting, Jules didn't sound mad. They were thoughts floating around in her head, questions that never had any answers.
He wished he could just sweep through her life and fix everything for her. Carson’s sister was only a couple of years younger than him, so he hadn’t really gotten the sense of being a big brother growing up, but Jules brought those protective feelings out in him. On the surface, her complaints did sound like normal teenage angst, but Carson knew what it was like to grow up in Point Pleasant, and Jules had been through much more than he ever had at that age. “Those same feelings were why I joined the Marines when I was nineteen,” he told her with a faint chuckle. “And look where that got me, lost half a leg, coma, brain trauma, PTSD ... Life can suck anywhere, it just sucks in weirder ways here. I get it, though. And I hope your summer gets better. You deserve some serious downtime.”
"Yeah." Jules nodded a little, rubbing her hands over her eyes. There was a burning behind her eyes, like she wanted to cry, even though she felt okay. Like when it rained on a sunny day. It made no sense. Dropping her hands to wrap her arms around her knees, Jules studied Carson. Again she was struck at how much healthier he looked. Maybe it was the werewolf in him, or the fact that he moved away. Maybe it was a combination of both. "Will you stay for a while?" she asked after a moment of thoughtful silence. "Not like, here, now... but in town. I know you probably want to go home soon, but... it'd be nice if you were around for a while." Maybe she wouldn't feel so lost if he was there for her to see and go to if she needed to. It was a purely selfish thing on her part and Jules knew it, but she couldn't really care.
Carson smiled at her a little more easily. “Yeah, I’ll be around for a while. At least a week, probably. My family is pretty peeved at me for moving away too.” He gave a faint chuckle and ran his hand over his beard. He knew Rylee wouldn’t be super happy about it, and he had promised her they would leave ... just not when. They probably needed to find a place to crash instead of paying for the motel for that long, and he wondered if Vex had a spare room they could use. His weird friend was going to be his next stop, whether Jules thought he was a liar or not. “If I text you to hang out, are you actually gonna answer me now?” he asked, keeping his tone lightly teasing. Carson really wanted to know if she would try to ghost him again as soon as he left, though.
A week. That didn't feel like a long time. A week would be gone in a flash and then Carson wouldn't be around anymore. "Maybe... two weeks?" Jules asked with a hopeful smile. She was used to getting her way... for the most part. And maybe Carson would cave and hang around for a bit. Now that he was there and not bugging her anymore, Jules could admit she had missed him and it would be nice to have another friend in town. "I'll answer you... text or brain text." She tapped her temple. "But it would be really awesome if you stayed for longer than a week. Seven days isn't a lot and I know you'll want to see your family and other friends. Maybe, just think about it?"
A week wasn’t a lot, that was true. It wasn’t like Carson had some intense day job to get back to ... he’d been doing some work for the local VA in Virginia, and fundraising for the Wounded Warrior Project, and he could still do the second thing from anywhere. It was mostly emails and phone calls. “I’ll try, I’ll see what Rylee says,” he told Jules. He knew she wouldn’t leave without him, and he didn’t want to hold her hostage in this town for too long. Part of Carson didn’t want to linger too long either, once they got safely through the full moon ... he could sense that Ty was in town now, back from wherever he’d taken off to, and that likely meant Jared was around too. Carson’s stomach still tangled itself into knots whenever he thought about Jared Gaines, and he didn’t know if he was ready to accidentally run into his former friend out in town. Jared had to know that Carson was a werewolf now, and what that could mean. “I wanna see you a lot while I’m here though, so don’t disappear on me, or I’ll keep showing up uninvited and like, freak out your mom.” He grinned crookedly at her.
She wasn't sold on I'll try but it wasn't like Jules could make him stay if he had to go back to Virginia. All she could do was ask and hope that was enough. "I'll be around," Jules said. "But you know... I'm super popular, so my social calendar is, like, super packed." She grinned, just to show him she was teasing. The things beneath her skin seemed to have gone back to sleep, or whatever they did when she was happy, so Jules stretched her legs out in front of her. "I'm glad you kept the beard, by the way. It's super hot. Do you have a girlfriend in Virginia now?" If he did, she could understand him wanting to get back home sooner than later. Carson might have been a werewolf, but he was a good guy and cute. Plus, he had the body and the tattoos and stuff. She couldn't imagine him being single for long.
The word ‘girlfriend’ still always gave Carson strange feelings -- Rylee was his girlfriend, the love of his life, really, and he wanted other people to see her that way too ... but he knew they would see her as his cousin first and foremost. He was tempted to tell Jules, for the relief of being honest and to show her that there was mutual trust here, but the fear of being judged and rejected as some pervert was strong. It was just hard when his entire brain filled up with Rylee whenever someone asked him if he had a girlfriend. “Uh no, not really,” he answered, his hand rubbing his beard again. Carson offered her a smile. “Thanks though, I think I pull it off okay. I’m like, twice as hairy as I used to be, so I’m glad it’s actually attractive somewhere.” He chuckled and drummed his fingers against his thighs. “You wanna get outta the house or anything? It’s a nice day out. Milkshake at Moxie’s? My treat.”
"Some girls like hairy men," Jules offered, as though that would make him feel better about it. It was possible he didn't mind it at all. They all had side effects from the bullshit they had gone through. Still, his offer of milkshakes brought a brighter smile to her face. As long as she felt happy, he wouldn't see what Nic saw and then he could go tell Nic he was crazy and shit. Besides, Jules wanted to get out of the house and she hadn't been to Moxie's in a while. Despite her reservations about Carson coming to visit her, she did feel desperate to spend some time with him. It was like an older brother coming home from college or something. "Yeah, Moxie's sounds great. Let me go upstairs and get dressed first. You wanna smoke some pot on the way?"
Carson was relieved that she wanted to hang out more. He wanted to spend more time with her in general, and the more relaxed she got, the more likely she was to share with him. Jules smelled Off, but he still hadn’t seen what Nic had seen, and Carson wanted to witness it for himself before he got closer to any conclusions. If there was anything he could do to help Jules, he wanted to. Her question made him chuckle, his grin crooked. “My answer to that is always gonna be yes,” he drawled. “I’m assuming you got some?” Carson didn’t have any marijuana contacts in Virginia yet, so he hadn’t been stoned in a while, and he definitely missed it.
"Of course I have some!" Jules hurried out of the room to the stairs. She had no idea when her mom would be home, but she doubted it would be anytime soon so she wasn't worried about Carson waiting for her downstairs. She got dressed in a pair of shorts and t-shirt, shoving her feet into a pair of flip flops before putting on a bit of makeup and tying her hair up into a neater ponytail. She didn't look great but she looked better and after examining herself in the mirror, she felt confident nothing would pop to the surface while they were out.
On her way out of her room she grabbed a joint from the small baggy currently in her desk drawer and slipped it into her purse before heading back downstairs to meet Carson.
"Ready?" she asked, grinning now, her sour mood long forgotten.
Carson felt a little awkward and nervous sitting there while Jules was gone, like her mom might show up at any time and call the cops for having some weird grown man in her house. He stood up when he heard her coming back down the stairs, a slightly relieved smile on his face. Carson could smell the weed immediately, even tucked in Jules’s purse, and it gave him a sweet sort of craving to be high. He absently hoped that the changes in his body wouldn’t interfere with how he processed THC or anything. “Ready,” he told her, heading toward the door. At least Jules seemed in a better mood now. Once they were outside, Carson led the way to his car so they could pile in.
Once Jules was settled in Carson's car, she pulled out the joint to light it. It wasn't like she needed to feel more high, but maybe it would suppress whatever it was inside of her that threatened to appear whenever she got upset. Carson wasn't badgering her about AIR or pushing her to talk about things she would rather forget, so she felt like things would be okay. They could get a milkshake and hang out and everything would be fine. After taking the first pull, she offered it to Carson. "You can wait until we get there if you want," she offered, since she wasn't sure if he would want to smoke and drive.
Maybe it was dumb of him to smoke weed with Jules when he’d just been so worried about her wellbeing, but she didn’t seem to be in some crazy crisis right that second, and damn did he need some sort of relief from the stress himself. Maybe being stoned would make her more open to talking about things too, in a calmer sort of way. It could bring a different perspective. Carson huffed a dismissive sort of sound as he reached for the joint. “I’m an old pro at this, no worries,” he said before he tucked it between his lips. He turned the car engine over and rolled his window down as he pulled out of Jules’s drive. Carson hit the joint, humming contentedly as the skunky smoke filled his lungs again. He missed that, he was going to have to stock up while he was here. He offered it back to Jules. “Grab that aux cord and plug my phone in,” he instructed, nodding down toward the console.
Jules wasn't sure just how open she planned on getting. In her mind they had talked about the bad stuff and she had promised to look into the truth whatever that might be. Maybe they could just talk about normal stuff. He could tell her what he had been up to lately. All of Jules's stuff felt like teenage drama and what adult wanted to hear about that? Jules watched him slip the joint between his lips with a grin. He definitely was a pro at this, wasn't he? She wondered if smoking pot helped calm down his werewolf-y side. If he had one when he wasn't an actual werewolf, anyway. Jules did what he asked, plugging his phone in and then settling back against the seat. "I'm so hungry now. Maybe a milkshake and like... onion rings."
Once Jules took the joint back, Carson picked up his phone, set it on his thigh, and pulled up his music app, glancing between it and the road as he picked a playlist he thought Jules wouldn’t hate. He kept the volume down enough so they could talk, but damn it felt nice to drive with the windows down and some music on. “Oh fuck yeah,” he said with a grin. “Onion rings and maybe chili cheese fries? I’m gonna gain twenty pounds while I’m here, I just know it.” He’d been putting weight back on since his ordeal anyway, but it had been mostly muscle since he’d found another gym. Carson could splurge on some junk food though, this was sort of like a vacation. “Joyland’s macadamia nut cookies have been calling my name from across state lines.”
"Ew, what? No, their chocolate chip cookies are by far the best." She was still young enough that she had a pretty damn good metabolism but since quitting cheerleading, Jules hadn't been working out as much as she used to. She had been going for daily jogs before she and Ethan found that place in the Fallows. Now she was feeling too mellow to even think of running anywhere. "Their chili is also way too spicy, but I do love their cheese fries." She took another drag from the joint, thinking she probably didn't want to overdo it. Not because she didn't want people to see her stoned, but she didn't want to be so out of it that people might think Carson was up to something with her. "What would your werewolf look like if you gained twenty pounds? Does he put on that weight too?" She grinned, giggling a little at the mental image of a werewolf wandering around with a paunch.
“Cheese fries with chili on the side then,” Carson decided, his mind still very much on food. Weed never helped curb his appetite, of course, but he had definitely been eating more since coming back from Over There. It had to be the further blending of his werewolf self, because he really wasn’t packing on anything but muscle lately. “That's a good question,” he said with a laugh, taking the joint back from Jules for another hit. “It’d probably be harder to see, he’s a lot bigger than me. Seems to have a crazy metabolism too, so I bet he would run it off way faster than I could on a treadmill.” Everytime he devoured anything in werewolf form, even something big, it was mostly gone from his stomach when he was a human again, so he figured that body burned through fuel much faster than his human one. “Maybe I should just work out as a wolf and that’s it.” Carson got a cartoonish picture of a werewolf in gym shorts and sweatbands, doing laps, and he tittered.
"Oh my god." Jules began to giggle at the thought of werewolf Carson on a treadmill. "So just eat a bunch of junk, go into the woods and run around as a wolf for a while. You'd probably never have to work out again. Lucky." That floaty feeling was coming back and Jules loved that she was shifting into a happy phase instead of quiet and mopey. Maybe it was because Carson was there and not ditching her again. At least not for a week or so. "Do you like it now? Being a werewolf, since you can change whenever you want?"
Carson was a bit stoned now, so his mind was spiraling off into ridiculous directions -- mostly becoming a fitness influencer online as a werewolf. It was too bad he couldn’t talk in his other form. He probably shouldn’t make light of it, considering what it had done to his life, but sometimes it was just necessary to laugh. “Nah, I like working out too much to quit, even if I don’t need to,” he said as he considered her other questions. “Mmm, I do like parts of it, yeah. But ask me again after the next full moon.” Carson gave her a meaningful glance. “It’s coming this week, it’ll be my first since I’ve been back.” He knew he had complete control over himself when he changed at will, but he wasn’t sure what to expect yet on the moon. Would it be like any other change? Or would he be back to being a mindless monster?
"Oh." Jules fell silent and tried to imagine scary Carson-wolf on the full moon. "Well, like, if you can change whenever you want, isn't there a possibility that you can not change on the full moon? Or do you think it'll happen no matter what?" It occurred to her that he said this was the first full moon since he'd been back so he probably didn't know the answers to either of those questions. "Are you going to put yourself in a cage or something?"
“It’s a possibility, yeah,” Carson said, his tone indicating there were a lot of possibilities. “And I might change and still have all the control I’ve got when I do it on my own now. But I wanna be sure, so ... yeah, it’s cage time again.” Carson chuckled a bit and slowed the car to take a turn. He glanced over at her for a moment. “Better safe than sorry.” Since this curse he’d gotten stuck with used to only come out on the full moon, Carson was thinking he would have to shift on that night, he just had no idea yet what state he would be in. So the timing for coming back to Point Pleasant, where he knew he had a safe place to be, was actually pretty good.
Better safe than sorry. That was true enough. "I'll bring you doggy treats if you want," Jules offered, back to teasing as another giggle formed in her throat. Carson would be fine. He'd done this before, obviously. And he didn't seem too worried, so why should she worry? "Does it get overwhelming sometimes? Being all wolfy? I mean, being able to smell people and stuff like that?" She vaguely recalled Carson had said she smelled off. So did that mean everyone did in a way? Or was it just people who weren't fully human?
The doggy treats comment made him snicker, but Carson thought better of telling her the cage was in Vex’s basement, so she probably wouldn’t want to come. God knew that he didn’t want Jules to see him like that in the first place, if he was a huge angry death machine. She’d caught enough of a glimpse of it with him going in through the portal ... while attacking her boyfriend, who’d been trying to drag her in with them. What a fucked up night. Jasper was lucky he was still alive. “Yeah sometimes,” Carson answered. “I’m getting more used to it, out here. But like, my hearing’s better, my nose is unbelievable ... so it can be a lot in a crowded place. I understand more why dogs get so antsy sometimes.”
Jules sometimes dreamed about that night, and how Jasper had looked when he grabbed her. She had never seen that look in his eyes before and she constantly reminded herself that it hadn't been Jasper at all. It hadn't been him when he'd choked her or threatened her. They were all moments Jules had packed away, along with so many other things. She was forever grateful that Carson had stepped in to help her, even though he had paid the price for it. "If you bit someone, would they become a werewolf too?" Jules asked, aware that it was maybe an intrusive question, but she was curious. "That's how it works, right?"
“Yeah, that’s how it works,” Carson murmured, his eyes a little distant all of the sudden. There were a lot of things he packed away too, but the memory of being attacked that night tended to wiggle free and come back to him a lot. It had changed everything for him. “It’s gotta be a pretty bad bite though,” he added, trying to blink the recollection away. “Like enough to break the skin. I dunno if it’s only when I’m a wolf or ... what.” He’d done plenty of nibbling on Rylee, so he knew it wasn’t any bite. Not that he was going to volunteer that to Jules. Carson had never had the impulse to really bite anyone while he was in human form, but he was going to avoid it at all fucking costs. Nobody deserved this.
Jules was pretty sure she never wanted to be a werewolf, but she was sure there were weirdos out there who would. "You can change whenever you want now," Jules said, taking one more inhale from the joint before offering it to Carson in case he wanted more. "Do you ever do it? Like... at home or whatever? Just werewolf it up and like, lay down in front of the fire?" That was kind of funny to think about too. Definitely better than imagining Carson as some freaky predator roaming the streets to tear people apart. Would he do that if he got out of his cage? What if someone shot him? Jules could feel her stomach start to churn with all the horrible what if scenarios, but then a fresh wave of endorphins seemed to let loose inside of her and she exhaled softly, back to feeling pleasantly stoned.
Carson took the joint to finish it off, snickering softly. “Yeah, I do,” he admitted. “Let me tell you, belly scratches are the fuckin’ best. I play fetch too. It always feels so damn good to run, even on three legs, you know?” His voice was a touch wistful as he said it -- he always felt so much more balanced as a wolf, balanced and fast and powerfully built. Not that Carson wasn’t in great shape in his human form, he’d put so much work into recovery and building his body back up, but he still couldn’t run like he used to, except on three legs. He took the last drag of the weed and flicked the butt out of the window just as they pulled up to Moxie’s. “Perfect timing,” he murmured.
She couldn't hold back the laughter now as it escaped her. Carson getting belly scratches and playing fetch. As a werewolf. "Your future girlfriend is gonna be so lucky. A boyfriend and a pet." Already she could smell the food from Moxie's and Jules realized she was hungrier than she initially thought. When was the last time she ate anyway? It was hard to remember. Jules waited until Carson parked before opening the door to climb out of the car. "So like, when you turn into it, do you ruin all your clothes? Or do you get naked first, so you don't ruin them?"
It was good to make her laugh, even though he was still worried about her. Carson managed not to make a weird expression at the words ‘future girlfriend,’ as if he didn’t already have one. Jules didn't know that, though, and he squashed the impulse just to tell her. He also had to squash the impulse to tell her there was another change a girlfriend would like too, because it was definitely inappropriate to tell a teenage girl about his dick. Damn, maybe he shouldn't have smoked so much. Carson reached for his own door to climb out, answering over the top of the car once Jules was out too. “I get naked first, otherwise I would ruin ‘em. I hate clothes shopping, so ... yeah,” he said with a little snicker. “Girls love dogs, right? Guys too, so all my bases are covered. We don’t discriminate here in the House of Woof.” Carson tittered to himself and reached to pull the door open to let them both into the diner.
"Oh!" Did that mean he was bisexual? Had he told her that before? Was that ever something they would have talked about? Jules walked into Moxie's, but kept twisting around to look at Carson, curious now about... well, everything. She knocked her hip into one of the booths before finding an empty one to fall into. God, she was hungry! Grabbing the menu, Jules was torn between looking at the food or Carson. "You like boys too?" she asked in a hushed tone, unsure as to whether or not it was something he was open with. "Guys, I mean. Not boys. Like... you'd have a boyfriend?"
On the second or third look-back that Jules gave him, Carson really realized what he’d said. Not that he was in the closet about being bi, he’d come out in high school so it was old news to him. But of course he wouldn’t have thought to tell Jules that when he hadn’t been with anyone but Rylee in a long time now. Carson settled in on his side of the booth, giving a chagrined little smile. “Yeah,” he answered in a normal tone of voice. He didn’t really care if anybody overheard. “Sorry, I kinda thought you knew? But like, why would I bring up my love life with a teenage girl?” He lightly tapped himself on the forehead and gave a snort in a ‘duh’ sort of gesture. “I’m always on like, high alert not to be a creepy bastard with you. But yeah, I’m bisexual.”
Jules rolled her eyes. "I'm eighteen. And like, you're my friend. You're pretty much like a brother, so it's not creepy and if someone thinks it's creepy then they're creepy, okay?" That's how she saw it anyway. Carson had never been gross or pervy towards her. He'd always been someone she could talk to, except lately, though that was her fault more than his. Hearing Carson was bisexual hadn't changed anything, but it did remind her of Jasper. Who liked boys. Or at least Logan. Jules exhaled and tried to focus on the menu. She wanted to ask Carson questions but the words got tripped up on her tongue. He wasn't Jasper, after all. Carson's answers didn't necessarily mean Jasper would feel the same way. That didn't mean she wasn't curious. "Do you ever... like... when you're dating someone, wish you were... hooking up with someone else? Of like, the opposite sex?"
Carson gave her a smile at the first part, internally chuckling over her naivety. She was eighteen now, but she hadn’t been when they’d met and gotten so strangely tied together. It was good to hear he'd never made her uncomfortable, but Carson knew that outside observers would be very quick to assign him bad intentions. Whether that made them creepy or just overly protective and dismissive of a young woman’s autonomy, he couldn’t say. Carson didn’t really need the menu, he knew what he wanted, but he took one to glance over anyway since Jules was also looking. Her follow up questions surprised him a bit, and he lifted his brows as he glanced up at her. “Uh ...” Carson said first. His immediate thought was of how badly he pined for Rylee for most of his life, though quite a few relationships, did that count? “It’s happened on occasion, I guess. More when I was younger, but I’ve been dating guys too since I was even younger than you, so I’ve had a lot of time to explore, and all that experience makes it less like ... being a kid in a candy store.” He grinned faintly and hoped that made sense to her, then cocked a brow again. “Why, though? Are you like, curious? About girls?”
Jules wondered if that was what Jasper would do. Date more guys, maybe even other girls. Get all that experience... was he a kid in a candy store now? Thinking about it was making her lose her appetite and Jules lifted a hand quickly to her throat when she felt something slither to the surface of her skin. She rubbed it and set the menu down, deciding to get food anyway. "No, I'm not," she said with a soft laugh. "I mean, there are girls I think are hot, right? Objectively or whatever. But I'm not attracted to them. I just..." She felt like slouching in her seat but managed to stay upright. The slithering stopped so she lowered her hand again. "Jasper... he's, you know... that." She was afraid to say it out loud, like someone might overhear and tell everyone. "That's why we broke up because there's another guy... I guess I was afraid if we ever got back together that he'd just be... wanting that. Guys."
Carson noted the way she touched her neck, but he didn’t really know why, so he focused on her words instead. The revelation about her boyfriend -- well, ex-boyfriend now -- suddenly made this conversation make sense, and Carson hummed an understanding sound as he nodded and sat back a bit. He thought for a moment before he answered, feeling like it deserved some thought. If he was going to act as some wise big brother, Jules deserved his consideration. Honestly, he was kind of amazed that was what had broken them up, and not everything that had happened with the portal and all of the trauma afterwards. Maybe Jasper’s sexuality was only a surface reason. “I don’t really know him, so I can’t tell you what he’s thinking, obviously,” Carson started with. “But he’d have to be pretty selfish to get back with you if he’s still feeling that ... thirsty. Is it just one specific guy? Or just guys in general?”
Jules knew very well that Jasper's sexuality was probably the least of the issues between them right now. And it wasn't even his sexuality that bothered her. It was that he wanted someone else and she was dealing with a lot of doubt and insecurity and had no idea how to handle any of it properly. But that was her issue, not Jasper's. He didn't really owe her anything at this point. "It's one guy... but... I mean, it's gotta be more than one, right? Like, if he wants to explore that, I doubt it'll stay at just that one person. If he got back together with me, he might feel like he's missing out. Obviously he already felt that way..." Jules set her menu down and swallowed hard, grateful when the waitress came by to take their orders. She settled on a chocolate milkshake with chicken fingers and onion rings. Gross, greasy food she would regret later, but Jules didn't care right now. After Carson ordered, Jules settled back in her seat. She forced another smile, not wanting to start sinking down into a mood again. "I kinda think I'm just hoping for something that's not going to happen again, because he might realize he's happier not being tied down. The longer we're apart, the dumber I feel. Does that make sense? Or do I sound selfish too?"
The interruption was a little annoying, but Carson was hungry and the waitress was just doing her thing, so he was friendly as he told her what he wanted. If it wasn’t so obviously upsetting Jules, Carson might have thought the whole situation was kind of cute and funny in an Elder Queer kind of way. They sounded like a couple of kids just trying to figure themselves out. He folded his hands together on the table as Jules went on, offering her a wan smile back. “You don’t sound selfish,” he told her first. “You sound like you’re in love and you miss him. There’s some insecurity in there, maybe, but that’s pretty normal in situations like this, I think.” Carson paused and wet his lips. “All these ‘might’s though ... Unless there’s somethin’ you’re not telling me, you can’t predict the future. He might do this, he might do that, he might find out that he’s not actually all that interested in guys. He might come crawling back. You might get interested in somebody else. Who knows. But ... even though I can’t speak for him, I can speak to the experience, and he’s just been through some deeply traumatizing shit. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s in crisis and more impulsive than he used to be. Maybe he felt perfectly content with you before, but now everything’s all mixed up for him and he’s grasping at anything that feels good in the moment. And that’s not your fault, Jules. I can promise you he didn’t suddenly start wanting to sleep with this guy because you’re lacking something.”
"I know I can't predict the future. That's why I'm going crazy with it. He told me he didn't want me to feel stuck, that I could do whatever I wanted... but if I do that, what if he takes that a sign that I don't want him and he gets mad?" Jules blew a frustrated breath from between her lips. "I know, I know, that's just more trying to predict the future. I just... if I wasn't lacking in anything, I don't think he'd be... wanting someone else. So... I mean, I'm lacking a dick, so." She barked out a laugh that held very little humor. Did she not feel good for Jasper? Or did he still resent her about what had happened in January? She would never blame him for it, if he did. She just wished he would say so. "I sound bitter. I guess I'm just lonely, and I do miss him. I'm trying to fall back on the whole, if it's meant to be it will be... even if it doesn't happen for a long time. But then I think about moving on myself, and then I feel guilty, like I should just be waiting at home until he figures things out."
Carson nodded with understanding as Jules spoke. He could see where she was coming from, why she was hurt about it all. When he’d been younger and exploring his sexuality, he hadn’t had a steady girlfriend to go through all of this, but Carson knew it happened all the time. Realizing that you lusted after other guys could mindfuck a lot of young men. “I’m hearing something in there that I wanna help you clear up,” he said. “There’s this ... I dunno, idea we all grow up with that when you fall in love, everybody else kinda disappears and you only love and want that one person forever or it’s not real love. It’s like, every romantic movie, right? And it can feel like that at first, but humans are way more complicated than that. You can truly love somebody and still have feelings for others, romantic or sexual or otherwise, you know? Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with anybody involved. Nobody can be everything to someone, that’s just not how people work. He can’t fulfill every role for you either, right? Doesn’t mean you don’t love or want him as much as you do. How long you want to wait is up to you, and maybe you’ll drift apart for a while and come back together later. I dunno the future either. But now’s the time when you need to take care of you, first and foremost.”
Jules listened quietly, understanding on some level that Carson was right. That didn't mean it didn't hurt. Because she felt like she and Jasper had been everything to one another for a while. It had been strong and intense and it stung that it wasn't there anymore. Unwrapping her straw, Jules began to mess with the paper to give her hands something to do. "I feel dumb, because I want the kind of guy who... who looks at me and everyone else does disappear. Maybe it's just movie love, but... I want to be someone's... world." Jules laughed softly, trying to push away the emotions threatening to surface. "I know you're right though. I need to just, like, focus on myself." She grimaced then, the amusement fading from her expression. "I kinda slept with someone else. And I keep feeling these urges to do it again and just... I don't want to be a slut or anything! I just want to be who I am and enjoy my summer and stop worrying so much about whether or not we'll ever get back together. I think I'm pretty much tired of complications right now. It's exhausting."
It sounded like a very normal thing to want in the society they lived in, especially that young, so Carson totally understood where she was coming from. Maybe he had a weird perspective, considering he and Rylee had harbored feelings for each other for years, but went on and had separate relationships. Everybody wanted to be loved and adored, Carson just knew the human heart was flexible and expansive. Maybe Jules would learn that too, eventually. “Pfft, why not be a slut?” he asked with a crooked grin. “It’s the summer after graduation, now’s the time to enjoy yourself. The rumor mill is down like, thirty percent at least, a bunch of people your age are going to college soon and don’t give a fuck anymore ... have all the fun you want, Jules.” Carson kept his voice a little lower than he wanted to, because he was still talking to a teenage girl in public, but still. “I’m a proud slut and have been a long time, so ... do those things. Be who you are, enjoy your summer, fuck complications for now. You’ve got no control over him and how he’ll feel down the road, so you do you. This is the time for both of you to explore, honestly. I’m definitely not the same guy I was in high school. Use this time to grow.”
The rumor mill. Jules hadn't even thought of that. She had stopped caring what people thought about her and Jasper a long time ago. And... well, herself in general. Was she still worried about being Jules Cooper? Maybe, a little. What else was she if she wasn't who she'd been in high school? It was a scary thought. But Carson's words definitely made her feel better. She should have fun and take care of herself. That didn't mean she didn't love Jasper anymore, or miss him. But it had to be better than going through this rollercoaster of emotions whenever she thought about him. "Fuck complications," Jules said, liking the sound of it on her lips. She smiled at Carson. "I think you're right. It'd be easier if I could just switch off my feelings. I've never had my heart broken before, you know? And it's like... if I could reach into my chest and yank it out for a while, I would. But life sucks sometimes, so...we'll see what happens. I have a lot to keep me distracted anyway. Can I get us each a shirt that says Sluts for Life?"
“Uh, only if you want me to wear it every single day,” Carson said, then grinned at her. It felt good to give some good advice and have it taken as such ... at least he hoped it was good advice. All Carson could really do was give Jules his perspective, what she did with it was up to her. “I feel you on the heartbreak though. Pretty much everybody feels like that sometimes. But emotions teach you stuff. You’re gonna learn so much from this, once you’re on the other side of it, I promise.” Their waitress arrived with their food at last, and Carson sat back to watch her load the table up with friend goodness. He gave a low groan of appreciation and picked up his utensils, eager to dig in. “I’m here for you though,” Carson added once they were alone again. “If you wanna talk about it. Or just wanna vent -- I can actually shut up sometimes, if you just need an ear.”
Jules laughed, enjoying the mental image of Carson sashaying around town with a Proud Slut t-shirt on. It definitely made her feel better and she was grateful he came to town to check in on her. There should've been more guilt about ignoring him, but it was hard to feel guilty about anything right now. Jules reached for her milkshake to stick her straw into the glass. "I don't really want to talk about anything depressing right now. I mean, we got it mostly all out in the open, right?" Although... Jules took a sip of her milkshake while eying him across the table. "When's the first time you had your heart broken? Since we're messing with emotional wounds and all that."
Carson had to wonder what else there was, since it was only mostly all out in the open, and that change in Jules’s scent tugged at his brain again. He didn’t want to tank the mood though. Having a friend there she could be open with had to be helping somehow, right? Maybe the rest would come out in time, if he stuck around long enough. His eyes rolled to the ceiling and he hummed thoughtfully as he sipped from his own drink. “Carla Molzon, first grade,” he said with a nod. “She did not want to get married under the slide, and I was just devastated.” Carson paused for a beat and then grinned at her, huffing and shaking his head. “No, uh ... let’s see. For real, the first time ...” All he could think about was kissing Rylee during that family gathering and knowing it could never be anything else. “Probably this girl I dated in high school, Jessica. I was so into her, but she ended up cheating on me. That one hurt a lot. Not the worst one, but the first.”
Jules was eating, but giggled a bit when he mentioned getting married under a slide. She kind of remembered being chased around the playground by boys when she was younger, holding hands with one or two of them while they were on the swings. Super simple stuff, but even at that age she had realized how powerful being pretty was. Of course, being cheated on was way worse than an innocent heartbreak and Jules frowned as she chewed. She thought about Jasper telling her he had messed around with Logan before they had officially broken up. Was that cheating, even if he hadn't been in his right mind? "That really sucks," Jules said, after swallowing and wiping her mouth with a napkin. "I'm sorry. Did that make it hard for you to trust people after?"
It had been so long ago that Carson wasn’t still torn up about it, and he was mildly embarrassed about how upset he’d been at the time, but those were teenage emotions for you. He was just glad that he’d kept his angst to himself and his friends and hadn’t done something he regretted now. Carson shrugged a shoulder. “A little, maybe. I dated just guys after that for like, almost a year,” he answered. “But it faded and trust came back. You can’t hold one person’s actions against everyone else. ... I mean, you can, people do it all the time, but it’s not fair, and it really fucks you up down the road.” He took a bite of food, gazing across at her and wondering if she found it hard to trust people now. It would be ironic, considering she was trusting these mysterious science people.
"So like, her cheating on you put you off of girls? Did you not think guys could cheat?" Jules asked after taking a bite of an onion ring. She didn't sound defensive or accusatory or anything. She was just curious. Jules had cheated on boys in the past. Usually just a stupid drunken kiss at a party or something. It sucked, but stupid stuff like that happened all the time at parties. She didn't want to be someone who blamed everyone for something one person did, but Jules felt like the heart was a fragile thing. It felt normal to want to safeguard it now. Once she healed from all this stuff, she never wanted to go through it again. Ever.
“I didn’t say it was logical,” Carson told her with a wan smile. “Of course I knew guys could cheat, I heard them bullshitting about it all the time -- I didn’t date those douches, obviously. But no guy had hurt me like that yet, so I just went with what felt best at the time.” It wasn’t like he’d been turned off of women forever, he was with one right now, and Carson trusted her implicitly. “And like I said, it was only about a year before another girl came along who caught my interest. I felt ready for it, so I think it was a good break, you know?”
Nothing felt logical anymore. Jules desperately wished for the time before she had been exposed to Point Pleasant's weirdness. Before her entire life took a turn. Last year she had known who she was. She had some idea about where she wanted to go after high school and what she wanted to do. She was Jules Cooper for fuck's sake. Now she was lost and unsure and it drove her crazy. "It's just... weird," Jules said after another bite of her food. "Falling in love, I mean. It's like, that rush you get when you spin around really fast, right? But then something happens and it's over and you stop spinning and you're just... dizzy and nauseous and you need to lay down to get your head to clear. And you think... that was dumb. I'm never doing that again." It was probably a dumb analogy but Jules was just rambling as she ate. God, it felt like she hadn't had food in her stomach in forever. "I'm glad you were able to move on though... and become the proud slut that you are."
He hated hearing that she had such a cynical view of love now, but Carson knew that was normal after one’s first heartbreak. He’d sworn off love a time or two in his own past, but he’d always come back around to it, because humans always wanted companionship. They were all wired for connection, and he felt sure that Jules would find that desire in herself again once she’d healed from this. Maybe the connection would be with Jasper, maybe not. Plenty of people thought they would marry their first big love but ended up not, and they were happier for it. Jules was just getting started on her life, Carson wished there were some magic words to make her truly understand that ... but that was just teenagers, and life in general. “There’s a lotta good parts to it too, love,” he offered, tittering a bit at the last thing she said. “Stuff that makes the occasional nausea worth it. You’ll find out. Meanwhile, be as much of a proud slut as you want to be, babe, it’s your life.” Carson grabbed five or six cheese fries to dip into the chili he’d ordered and stuffed them into his mouth.
Jules would've smiled if her mouth hadn't been full. But she understood what he meant and she was grateful for the pep talk. She could be a slut, if she wanted to be. She knew guys wanted her and she knew she could probably have any guy she wanted if she tried hard enough. But as cliche as it was, Jasper still owned her and even if she gave some guy her body, that was all he'd get. She was still hoping Jasper would come around again... if he didn't, well... maybe she would be okay. Hopefully. It was definitely dumb, naive, and unfair of her to plan a future with Jasper. To push him into living with her after high school and all that optimistic stuff. She saw all of that pretty clearly now. "We'll see, I guess. I'm just kind of taking things a day at a time now. It's summer, so I don't feel like planning anything, unless it's a trip out of here. And I'm glad you came." She knew she had already said that and even if she was annoyed with Nic and the reason Carson came home, she was still glad he was there.