Toby Mitchell (likeacannonball) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2022-03-22 21:01:00 |
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Entry tags: | #june 2018, adrian, adrian x toby, toby |
Who: Adrian & Toby
Where: The Carnival
When: Sunday afternoon, 6/24
Status: Complete
So far Adrian was having a good time at the carnival and that was kind of a big deal. There were factors at play that had made him think he wouldn't have fun, first and foremost the fact that he was reeling from what had happened with Kane the night before. The euphoric high of the fantastic sex was overshadowed with shame and pure bewilderment at his bad choices lately. On top of that he kept thinking Mila could sense something was different with him or that she and Aaron could somehow read his damn mind. He was also a little weirded out by the carnival itself though he couldn't really put a finger on it, it was just weird and old fashioned and there was always something a little off about places like this.
It was good though; getting out of the house and out of his head. Mila and Aaron were having a blast and their joy was contagious so he managed to push the negative shit out of the way for a little while as he and Aaron spun in circles around Mila to make sure she had everything she wanted, including winning cute plushies and bringing her fried oreos.
Toby hadn’t intended to go to the carnival today, but he was on his way home from work and just happened to drive by and the next thing he knew he was wandering the grounds. He hadn’t even gotten a chance to change yet and was still in his scrubs, but that didn’t stop him from buying himself a corn dog. And damn was it good! It took all of about five minutes for him to decide he needed to come back with Zach on another day, which was weird, because before he’d stepped foot inside the carnival he was sure that he should avoid it. Now he couldn’t remember why. It was just a feeling, and normally he listened to those instincts, but now it seemed absurd. This place was awesome and he wanted an opportunity to enjoy it in full.
He was just about to head back to his car when he spotted Adrian and his feet came to a halt. He’d had the strangest urge to reach out to him last night, just to check in. A little bit of psychic pushing told him that Adrian wasn’t exactly in danger, and that was where he stopped, not wanting to intrude. And yet, now that he could see him, the feeling returned, like an itch that wouldn’t quit. He looked fine, seemed fine, and so Toby called out to him, hoping that would help scratch the itch, per se. “Adrian!” he yelled, then gave him a wave. Just a few minutes to say hello and then he could be on his way.
Adrian turned and looked a little startled to see Toby. Yeah, he loved the guy but Toby was a mind reader which was kind of the exact thing he did not need to deal with right now. Think about puppies and babies he thought to himself as he smiled and waved back, then excused himself from Mila and Aaron to wander over to where Toby was. "You on the job?" he teased as he looked him over. Toby's scrubs were always as colorful as he was and Adrian had always enjoyed that, it still didn't quite jive with the carnival vibe, like there had to be a medical emergency somewhere. "How've you been?" he added before giving him a hug. He hadn't seen him since the birthday party, which had been amazing and kind of depressing all at once - at least for him. It had been fun though, a reminder that he wanted his life to get back to normal.
“Oh yeah, you know me and side gigs. I’m working a shift in an hour as a snake charmer,” Toby grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. “I just haven’t gotten into costume yet.” Was it weird how easily that flowed off his tongue? Maybe because it actually sounded like something he’d do, given the chance and the right kind of snake. “I’m good. Things are good. This place is amazing. I’m gonna have to bring Zach. What about you? Everything going okay?” He knew as he asked it that the answer was complicated, that neither a yes or a no would really suffice. He told his brain to be quiet, to stay out of his friend’s head, but some things were easier said than done. He was a busybody by nature and something about Adrian was just screaming for attention, even though there was nothing wrong as far as Toby could see.
Adrian chortled at the snake charmer comment. It was just so stupidly suggestive and funny in a way he couldn't really joke around with other people. "Everything's good, man," he murmured, still grinning. "I loved the party, your friends are all so nice. I think Shane paid for my uber?" All those pretty gay men, no wonder he'd been desperate and fucked up that night, lonely enough to kiss Kane like a lunatic. The alcohol hadn't helped either, but he was finding it really hard to regret. "Thanks for inviting me, I really needed that, I didn't even know."
“Aww, thanks,” Toby grinned. “Shane is lovely. One of the newer additions to my circle. Well, kinda. We go way back, but I lost track of him a while ago.” Maybe he could have hunted Shane down if he’d wanted to, but Toby had been avoiding all things AIR and he was pretty sure that Shane had been too. “It’s no problem though. We’ve gotta get you back out there, meeting new people, having fun. You had fun that night, didn’t you?” he asked, raising a brow. He was going with a feeling here, picking up on little snippets of information as his full attention turned to Adrian. The static began to clear out, the transmission a bit more crisp, and Toby found he had to bite his tongue to keep his questions for getting out of hand. He couldn’t make complete sense of what he was getting, but it was worrisome, that he was certain.
"Yeah it was great," Adrian replied honestly and right now he was just focusing on the party portion of the night. "Probably shouldn't have had that one-tenth of a drink because I'm a light weight now but your friends were cool about it. Zach is great too, you guys are still a thing, right?" Zach had definitely broken the ice for Adrian and dragged him into the party and he was really thankful for that. He'd never been an introvert but apparently trauma had turned everything in his life on its head, including his personality, so he was just happy there had been extroverts at the party willing to pull him out of his shell. It had started out so awkwardly but it hadn't taken long at all to feel at ease there.
The conversation should have put Toby at ease, he could feel the truth in Adrian’s words, and yet… there was a pull towards that darker vision, another night, and a tattooed man with strong hands. Toby swallowed hard, trying to ignore it, to focus on the current conversation and the night of his party. “Official boyfriends now,” he smiled, feeling a little flutter in his chest, a light emotion among the dark. “And there’s nothing wrong with being a light-weight. I mean, you’re really light, but everyone loves a cheap date,” he tried to tease, hoping it didn’t fall flat. He kept seeing things he shouldn’t, couldn’t seem to pull his shit together and he didn’t know why. Sometimes his powers were like that, running him instead of the other way around, and it was never pleasant.
"Man, I used to drink everyone under the table," Adrian sighed, smiling at the news that Zach and Toby were officially together. There was a pang of jealousy there too, all that stuff had already seemed out of reach for him and now it felt like he couldn't even see it anymore. Maybe that was why Kane was appealing, Adrian was pretty sure there was no risk of that getting serious and the idea of the two of them doing anything but fuck was almost laughable. Not that he intended on doing that again, logically he didn't at least, his feelings weren't really in agreement there. There was that persistent yearning and he had no idea how to deal with it. It was almost as bad as the hunger he had finally gotten rid of, driving him to stupid decisions. It was easier to focus on what was making Toby happy and on making sure his sister was having fun. Small distractions that didn't fully have his whole attention. "I wouldn't mind being a cheap date, but I was rolling out of that party. I don't know how I'd have gotten home if Shane hadn't gotten me that uber."
“Shane’s a good guy. A little wild, but most of my friends are,” Toby grinned. “I’m glad he got you home. I try to be more aware, but I was a little distracted.” A little drunk and a lot horny was more like it. He’d tried to focus on his friends, but it was hard when Zach was there. That night had been incredible and just thinking about it stirred something in him that he had to immediately squash. Scrubs weren’t exactly forgiving when it came to concealing arousal and he didn’t want to embarrass himself. He turned his attention outward, on Adrian, and this time the images were clearer, as if it was on Adrian’s mind and not something Toby was picking out of thin air. Toby bit his lip, trying to find the right words for a question he had no business asking. “Are you—Are you seeing someone?” He shouldn’t pry, it was rude. And Adrian knew what he could do, which almost made it worse because he’d know it was an invasion of his privacy. But from the bits and pieces that Toby had seen, he was worried. As a friend.
Adrian felt puzzled by the question - and the hesitation with which Toby asked it -for all of three seconds and then his expression changed. "Don't do that," he said quietly and shook his head slowly. "I'm not seeing anyone." That was true, he wasn't seeing Kane even if he'd seen plenty of him last night but that had just been a moment of weakness, loneliness, horniness and stupidity. That didn't mean he was going to do it again, even if the man was practically burned into his brain. It wasn't something he wanted to acknowledge on any level so Toby seeing right into his head was a Problem and bringing it up meant he was pulling it out of the shadows and into the light of reality. Adrian did not like that one bit. "I don't plan on seeing anyone either, I'm trying to get my life sorted." He spoke softly and almost warmly, but there was a warning there underneath for Toby to leave it alone.
“I’m trying not to,” Toby cringed, his hands balling into fists as he tried to reign himself in. He hated when he saw things like this—things he wasn’t supposed to know, but felt impossible to ignore. He knew the man he saw in his visions and not from any experience he’d had himself. No, it was the same man he’d seen when he’d found Adrian broken and bloody, so close to death that he’d sat on it’s doorstep for a while before Toby had found him. It didn’t make sense, that man in both visions, and it made him worry for his friend. So, despite his better judgement, he’d skirted the line, bringing up something neither of them wanted to talk about. “I know,” he said, taking a deep breath as he pulled in the worry and attempted to lock it up. He knew it was all over his face. “I just… really don’t want you to get hurt.”
The last few years had been so full of hurt that Adrian couldn't help but smile at the sentiment. "It's a little too late for that," he said flippantly and Toby knew some of what had happened to him already so he'd understand. "I won't get hurt, things are... they're just weird right now." He thought of Caius and what little he knew about the ritual going the way it had gone but he didn't really know what it meant or if he was overreacting to it all. All he knew was that he could gain more control if he focused and that was what he wanted to do. Was he telling Toby all of that just by thinking it? Or had he backed off like Adrian had asked? Adrian narrowed his eyes as he looked at him, trying to channel 'I'm okay' at him instead. "My biggest problem has been taken care of," he murmured. "Now I just want to make sure my little sister doesn't worry about me."
Toby paused for a moment to remember what Adrian’s biggest problem even was. It had never been spelled out for him, but it had been there, between the cracks, all the clues he needed to figure it out. And if he’d been too slow to pick up on it, he had psychic powers to close the bridge. And still, he’d somehow forgotten, because those images hadn’t been popping into his head for no reason at all. He was thankful. Besides being intrusive, there was a lot about Adrian that he didn’t want to know. “Your sister,” Toby said, his eyes darting to the crowd as if he might see her there. “She’ll worry regardless. Because she’s your sister. But…” He looked back at Adrian, then the ground, then Adrian again, his eyes full of questions he didn’t know how to ask. “He tried to kill you,” he said instead.
He did kill me Adrian thought and yes, it was all twisted and messed up whenever he thought about it logically. Unfortunately, logic had very little to do with what had happened. "I almost killed him too," he said. "I think it was the town. People go crazy here all the damn time." It didn't justify anything, it certainly didn't justify the cabin, but he didn't care. It was easy not to care when he was a monster too, just as long as he could keep it separated from every other aspect of his life. Plus, it wasn't going to happen again. He'd just been lonely and he'd just needed something to feel alive. He also knew that was probably bullshit but he wasn't about to go crawling back to Kane for more and it was easier to believe that when he was with friends and family, saturated with that part of his life he didn't want Kane touching and those lines wouldn't be blurred at all if not for Toby's annoying psychic abilities. "We're even now. He thought I was something I'm not but we've squared it and agreed to stay the fuck out of each other's way from now on."
Was that all it was, one bad day? Toby remembered fragments of the chaos, being so amped up that he couldn’t stand to be in the hospital one more minute. He’d walked off shift, something he never, ever did, and had found Adrian as a result. They’d both been a little bit crazy, so maybe he should give the guy a break, but he couldn’t wash the image of Adrian broken and bleeding from his mind. “What did he think you were?” he asked. If being a wendigo wasn’t the reason, then what was? He knew he wasn’t getting the whole story, that his abilities didn’t give a complete picture, with pieces often missing and out of order, but he had a hard time thinking of Adrian as the sort of monster that needed hunting. “I know it’s none of my business. I didn’t mean to—to see anything. But it got me worried.”
Adrian shook his head and grimaced faintly. "I don't know. A monster." His voice was quiet and he looked around at the busy crowds around them, hoping nobody overheard or took him literally. This really wasn't a great place for a deep conversation. He forced a little smile then and shrugged one shoulder before shoving his hands in his pockets. "I know what you are, it's saved my ass once so I won't hold it against you. Just... Keep it to yourself, please." It was disorienting enough knowing Toby knew he was gay, Adrian preferred it when nobody knew but whoever he had sex with and that long list was up to two now. Toby knowing who he'd just had sex with was embarrassing as hell and highly uncomfortable for a multitude of reasons. Especially if he was picking up on all the other crazy shit that went on between Adrian and Kane.
“Of course,” Toby said, wishing Adrian knew him better, knew that he’d never breathe a word of it to anyone. He’d not have even told Adrian that he knew, except out of his worry for him. It was a difficult situation to be in, knowing things he shouldn’t, and it always risked damaging friendships when a secret like that came out. Toby hoped that wasn’t the case this time around. He liked Adrian and had no desire to lose his trust. “I’ll… let you get back to your family,” he said, giving Adrian a small smile. He wanted to offer himself as an ear, if Adrian ever wanted to talk, but he took him as a pretty private person and he didn’t think Adrian was anywhere near ready for that. That Adrian knew that he knew was probably enough. He’d seek him out when he was ready, if ever.
Adrian couldn't help but feel like he'd hurt Toby's feeling by asking him that and he winced a little before pulling him into a hug. Toby's gift was both annoying and useful and he supposed he just had to take the bad with the good. At least Adrian trusted him, this wasn't some bitchy RN who'd gossip about him in the nurse's lounge - or worse, to his mother. It occurred to him that maybe Toby might even be able to help him with his strange memory loss. Maybe whatever he did that night in Portland was buried in his memory, hidden to him but available to a psychic. Did he want Toby to see it? It might have been something horrible, he'd driven around and that was all he knew. It had occurred to him to ask Caius but something about what little he remembered of the ritual rubbed him the wrong way and he wasn't exactly eager to talk to the witch again. God his mind was racing and he wouldn't be surprised if Toby was picking up on all of it. He hoped not, smiling faintly at him as he pulled back. "Let's try to hang out soon, if you're not crazy busy with work. I'm getting a few shifts here and there, but I don't think it'll be often until my papers are all cleared."
Touch was a complicated thing in Toby’s life. It granted him better access to his powers, allowed him to see more than he would at a casual glance, especially if he was working at it. But right now, Toby was doing his best to shove his abilities back in a box, aware of how close he’d come to doing harm with them—harm to his friendship with Adrian. He refused to let himself see more, even when he could tell that Adrian was on the verge of something important. He couldn’t go there without permission, especially not after what he’d just done. The hug was appreciated though. It settled him, gave him the sense that all would be okay, like unvoiced words of forgiveness. It was a far more appealing train of thought than whatever else was going on in Adrian’s head and Toby latched onto it. “For sure,” he smiled. “I’m planning to bring Zach up here later this week, but I’ve got lots of free time to burn. Just give me a call.”
Physical touch could do so much more than words could and Adrian had always felt that keenly. Hugs couldn't be faked, there was a stiffness there if things weren't okay, so hugging Toby made him too feel a little better, like he'd gotten his point across without hurting feelings. He was still wildly uncomfortable with the fact that Toby knew about Kane, there were things about the man he didn't want to examine too closely, trauma he wanted to bury and that undeniable draw he had to him despite everything. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want anyone else to know about it. Kane represented a loss of control and Adrian just wanted to keep that whole situation separate from his real life. But which life was real? He wasn't human anymore, there was something deeply wrong with him and there was something going on he didn't understand. Wasn't that reality? He was glad when Toby changed the subject, smiling as he thought of Zach. "He'll love this place, you need to win him a giant bunny. Those games are actually weirdly easy. I think they forgot to rig them."
“I’ll have to win him something to cuddle with when I’m not there,” Toby smiled. There were all kinds of games and prizes. The key would be honing in on one that Toby could actually win. Normally they were next to impossible, but almost everyone seemed to be carrying around a prize of some kind, even if they were small ones. “I think he’ll love the rides though. I doubt we’ll even make it to the weekend before dropping by. I couldn’t resist having a look on the way home.” It occurred to him just then that this was the second time he’d made a random stop out of his way on the way home and ran into Adrian in the process. It was one of those things that made him wonder if there were bigger things at work than he could even comprehend, if his powers had a mind of their own, tugging him places when he was unaware they were even active. He wasn’t sure if he liked that. He liked to think his decisions were his own.
"With your dumb work hours, you definitely need to get him something to cuddle with," Adrian said and he'd barely spoken when the ridiculous thought of winning a plush for Kane crossed his mind. It was kind of hilarious in an annoying kind of way that made him want to punch Kane in the face and then kiss it better and he tried to shake the thought. Toby definitely didn't need to be picking up on more Kane information from his brain. "I'll give you a call if I don't see you soon, we'll go out for a drink or something." A virgin cocktail for him, of course, which was also annoying. "You can bring Zach, I like him."
“Yeah, I’m gonna end up jealous of a life-size teddy bear,” Toby laughed as he caught a flicker of the future, himself trying to win a large pink and purple snake instead. Now he’d have to track down that game and see if he could actually manage it. Perhaps when he came with Zach. “If I bring Zach, you’ll barely get a word in between the two of us. Especially if we’re drinking and you’re not,” he smiled. They had to find some way to put Adrian on equal ground with them without getting him completely sloshed. “But sure, anytime. Just give me a call. My hours are crazy, but I can make things work. And hopefully I’ll see you at work soon.”
Not having to talk at all suited Adrian just fine and he'd found the most comfortable moments at Toby's birthday party to be the ones where everyone else was rambling and cracking jokes for him to laugh at. It wasn't like he had a lot to say, nothing super fun anyway. "Yeah, hopefully. Or I'm gonna end up having to get another job while I wait," Adrian said with a faint smile and god did he not feel like going back to waiting tables or doing dishes. The stray thought that maybe Kane needed help with hunting crossed his mind. It was good money and it sounded weirdly exciting but no. No. He abruptly pushed it away, well aware who he was talking to and also aware that he wasn't really thinking about all the ways that kind of hunting would freak him out. "I know all about the crazy hours so I might just text you instead. Take care, man." He patted Toby's shoulder and looked around to make sure his family hadn't wandered off without him but thankfully they were still close by, being cutesy with each other.
The ‘No’ came through abruptly, but Toby just blinked, doing his best to ignore whatever Adrian was projecting. The more he picked up on, the more questions he’d have, and it was clear that Adrian didn’t want to talk about it—not now, maybe not ever. But he knew that Toby was there if he wanted to, and he’d promised he wasn’t in any danger. That was really all he could ask of him. He’d been intrusive enough already and didn’t want the burden of knowing anything else he shouldn’t. “You too,” he smiled, giving Adrian a little wave as he began to back away. “See ya.” It felt wrong to walk away, but he knew it was the right move. There was that feeling in his gut, the one that said the alternative was worse. He didn’t always understand it, but he knew it was the right thing to do. He’d just have to trust Adrian as much as he trusted that feeling and hopefully everything would be okay.
Adrian smiled at him as he left, then turned to head back to Aaron and Mila. He kind of wanted to hang out with Toby, but at the same time it was a scary prospect, talking to someone who could catch a whiff of all the thoughts twirling around in his head because apparently he couldn't stop thinking about Kane and that was a problem. Maybe going on a ride or two would help clear his mind, at least with Aaron and Mila he could let them chatter on and pick a topic, it wasn't really distracting enough but it was better than a one-on-one at the moment.