Who: Caden and Roxy When: Afternoon, Friday 6/22 Where: Mila and Aaron’s Status: Complete
Caden knew what he was doing was a bad idea, but lately, he had been the king of bad ideas, so he didn’t much care. He knew Aaron was at the bar and Mila was at work, so he figured Roxy was home alone at this time of day. Shan thought Caden was at the bar too, and he would be eventually. But right now, he had some other things to do, one of which included talking to Roxy.
When he pulled up to Aaron’s house, he saw her car in the driveway. It occurred to him that he should have texted her, but Caden knew she would have ignored him, or sent back something obscene. That was fine too. But this was easier.
Climbing out of his truck, he walked across the yard and stepped up onto the porch to ring the bell. Either she would answer or she wouldn’t, but it was probably past time they had a conversation.
Roxy was indeed home alone. Aaron and Mila were at work, and she wasn’t sure where Adrian had gone, but he wasn’t at the house. Being alone was a rare thing that she savored whenever it happened. She was intensely grateful to Mila for giving her a place to stay, but god, it could feel crowded sometimes with the four of them there. So Roxy was taking advantage of the situation, sprawled out on the couch with an early glass of wine and some chocolate, minus a bra, and some trashy reality TV on the big screen.
The doorbell startled her a little, and she thought briefly about ignoring it, but got up anyway. It might be a package, or even a pleasant surprise like Spence. That idea warmed her belly a bit and as she walked barefoot to the door, she entertained a little fantasy about taking him upstairs for a roll in the hay before anybody got home.
When Roxy actually opened the door, her blood immediately ran cold. She instantly regretted not checking through the peephole. And also wearing comfortable frumpy clothes with her hair tied up. Her jaw clenched and she kept the door only halfway open -- not that she could physically stop Caden if he really wanted to come inside, but goddammit, this was the bad kind of surprise. “Aaron’s not here,” she said flatly, sure he already knew that.
Admittedly, Caden was surprised when Roxy actually answered the door. He had half-expected her to pretend no one was home. "I'm not here to see Aaron," Caden said, slipping his hands into his jacket pockets. At least then the wedding ring on his finger was hidden. "I think we should talk. Seems like that might be a safer thing to do than destruction of property." He kept his tone light, like it was all a joke at this point. It hadn't been funny at the time, but Aaron had paid for Caden's new tires, so most of Caden's irritation had faded.
Roxy’s heart was pounding, and she wondered vaguely if he had any concept of how scary he was, even when he was being light. She knew very well how that could turn on a dime. Or maybe Caden was only scary to her because she sucked, that possibility was also in her brain. Roxy still had a lot of complicated feelings for him, but Trust definitely wasn’t on that list, so she didn’t move to invite him in. “Yeah well ... talking to you often leads to destruction of me, so ... what do you want to say, Caden?” What could there possibly be left to say? So many things, but nothing useful. Yes, Roxy had been the one to make the break, but then Caden had turned right around and gotten married, only days after she’d left him, so Roxy considered them even when it came to hurting each other. He’d made it very clear how much he valued her, and she just wanted to cope with that in peace.
There it was again. Roxy was the victim. Caden had to bite back on the urge to remind her that she had thrown her fair share of punches in the past as well. But that wasn't why he'd come here. He didn't mind much that she wasn't going to invite him in. It was probably better for them both that he stayed put on the porch. "I thought I ought to come here and say I'm sorry," Caden said after a moment, his hands still pressed tightly in his pockets. "Shit didn't work out between us, but I know what I did hurt you." And again, he had to bite back on the desire to point out that she had hurt him first. "Mila and Aaron are getting married, so we're gonna be in each other's lives even if we don't like it. We should at least pretend to get along for them."
She instantly felt suspicious, and Roxy’s eyes narrowed a bit. Caden was apologizing? The injured part of Roxy was sure he had to have some ulterior motive, and her gaze ticked around for a second, like she might spot his stupid whore wife standing nearby recording this for them to mock her later, or something. There was nobody but Caden and his empty truck behind him. Roxy was silent for a beat while her brain groped for some sort of response that wasn’t an outburst about just how much he had hurt her, how ‘sorry’ didn’t cut it, why had he never been able to love her enough, like if Caden gave her a list of her flaws, she could fix them and be lovable -- none of which he would respond well to, she knew that already. Roxy tried to keep her expression under control, but it went through a bit of a face journey anyway, and she swallowed hard and lifted her chin a bit, trying to drag her dignity back before she started to cry. “I, uh ... thank you for saying that,” she said, clearing her throat. “And I didn’t ... I don’t even know if me leaving hurt you, but if it did ... that wasn’t my goal. I’m sorry too, Caden. I never wanted it to end like this.”
"Yeah, but... it did. Not much we can do about it now," Caden said with a soft shrug. "I pissed you off and you pissed me off and... that kinda seems like our relationship in a nutshell, doesn't it?" He knew it was a hell of a lot more complex than that, but Caden didn't see the point in getting into all of it. They ended things and that was that. Shit happened. It felt pointless and silly to point out that he wouldn't have gone to Atlantic City and got shitfaced if she hadn't hurt him. But admitting weakness was an uncomfortable feeling for him. The old man was dead but that didn't mean Caden wasn't still bracing for Joseph's fist anytime he felt pain. "I'm not expecting any forgiveness or shit like that, Roxy. But things are just going to get more difficult if we're doing shit to each other. Aaron and Mila have been through enough shit, they don't need to deal with our bullshit on top of it, you know?" He had to include Mila in that, though he really meant Aaron. But Mila and Roxy were friends and he knew she'd latch onto it if he didn't sympathize in some shape or form.
Roxy couldn’t tell if that “it did” meant “it ended like this” or if it was an admission of hurt. She knew that he was never going to straight up say “you broke my heart,” but some part of her still wanted to hear it, wanted confirmation that he’d given a shit about her beyond having a housekeeper and a bed warmer. Roxy felt that familiar frustration bubble up in her, the one that made her want to shake Caden until clear statements of feelings fell out, metaphorically speaking. It had never worked in the past, and it wasn’t going to work now. But the complicated, booby-trapped labyrinth of Caden Lucas’s heart wasn’t her problem anymore. She’d airlifted herself out of that maze, and Roxy reminded herself that she didn’t have to try to figure him out anymore. If she could just get over this last hump and let him go, she didn’t have to guess or try to read between the monosyllabic lines or anticipate his reaction to everything. She’d loved him, God knew she had, but loving him was exhausting. “You’re right, they don’t,” Roxy agreed. “And I don’t want to do any more shit to you, if you don’t do shit to me. So if I start seeing someone, you’re going to mind your own business and leave us alone, right? This will be a for-real truce?”
Caden cocked a brow, wondering if she was already seeing someone. He knew he couldn't say shit if she was, given the ring on his finger. But she was the one who had fucked up his car, all because she hadn't liked what he'd done in Atlantic City after they broke up. The urge to be bitter and petty about it was strong, but Caden had come here to smooth things over and that's what he was going to do. "For real truce," Caden agreed after a moment, curling his fingers in his jacket pockets. "Let's just move on. If you're gonna start seeing someone else, that's good. Hopefully he'll give you things I couldn't." Or wouldn't. He knew Roxy wanted kids and all that family shit. It just wasn't in the cards for Caden and he was seeing it now, how much better off Roxy would be without him. Maybe he should have let her go years ago, but like he'd said earlier, it was what it was.
She was thinking of Spence, of course, and all the fear she’d been through since he came back into her life that Caden would find out about her tiny indiscretion and take it out on Spence. Roxy knew she had acted irrationally herself when she found out about Shan, but she still didn’t regret it. After begging Caden for years to marry her, the fact that he’d immediately turned around and married someone else and then brought her home like it was something legitimate and not just a crazy lapse of judgement ... it was incredibly hurtful. But it showed how much he really valued marriage, didn’t it? Or maybe it was just women in general. Roxy thought of the gentle, scruffy man patiently waiting for her to help decorate the house he’d bought with their future in mind and her chest gave a bittersweet squeeze. She couldn’t tell if Caden was being genuine, but she also hoped Spence could give her what Caden couldn’t. Moving on probably wouldn’t be that easy, at least for her, but this felt like an important step in the break. Maybe she could at least stop holding her breath and waiting for violence. Her gaze was still a bit wary as she looked at him, standing there with his fists in his pockets, but he was obviously making an effort, and she could do the same. “And I hope she’s ... more of what you want, Caden,” Roxy murmured. “I know you think it’s impossible, but I hope you’re happy someday.”
Caden didn't even know what he wanted. He never had. All he'd ever known was what he didn't want. And he knew he didn't want Roxy pitying him. "I'll be fine," he said simply. "You'll be fine too. I've got to get to the bar." There was no reason to hang around now that he said what he wanted to say. With Aaron and Mila getting married next month, Caden knew Roxy was going to be a part of it and avoiding her would be impossible. Deep down he knew he had a lot to atone for, especially where Aaron was concerned, so he was determined to make sure his brother's wedding day was a good one. Which meant not fighting with Roxy. Caden stepped back, lifting his hand just a touch in his pocket. "Take care, Rox."
The statement ‘I’ll be fine’ gave Roxy a bunch of mixed feelings -- on one hand, it was subtly optimistic, for Caden. On the other, it made her sad, because of course he would be fine without her. Roxy wanted him to eventually be fine, of course, but it was obvious that she wasn’t going to get any real validation out of him that he’d loved her, that her absence hurt, that he would miss her even a little. Maybe he was already over it, if he was here extending an olive branch and actually apologizing, with zero implication that any part of him wanted her back. She wasn’t ever going back, but it was hard not to want Caden to want to fix things, to fight for her. Was she that easy to shake off? Roxy tried to remind herself that all these were his issues and not her, that maybe her leaving was just a trickle in that dark ocean of pain he kept inside. She couldn’t save him from it and she didn’t want to drown with him anymore, so this was all really for the best. And it was for the best that he was leaving, because her stupid nose was stinging again. “You too,” she murmured, stepping back to shut the door. “Bye, Caden.”