Reza Mansour (aswritten) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2021-10-27 07:27:00 |
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Entry tags: | #june 2018, reza, reza x shane, shane |
Who: Reza & Shane
Where: Hospital, home
When: Tuesday morning, 6/19
Status: complete, Part 1
Shane wasn't ready to wake up when sunlight started streaming in through the hospital window. He had slept a lot but his body seemed to need all the rest it could get to come down from his mistakes the day before. It was just as well, around nine in the morning a nurse told him he could be discharged but not to hold his breath, the paperwork could take some time. He was about ready to start asking if he could borrow clothes and a phone and find a locksmith for the house, so certain that Reza would not show up for him. It had nothing to do with his opinion of Reza, who was not the type of person to leave someone high and dry, but Shane could easily imagine him leaving his clothing and personal items with the front desk and then finding his own place to stay. All in all, he felt like shit when he did wake up so he wished he'd slept even longer.
Toby had sat with him for a while and Shane wasn't even aware he'd fallen asleep until he blinked his eyes open to find the chair by the bed empty and unfamiliar faces on the tv with a storyline that had nothing to do with whatever had been going on when they first turned it on. He'd come to check on him after that but with daylight came more duties - and end of shift was apparently kind of insane. It was almost ten now and Shane was getting antsy, barely touching the breakfast they brought him, his whole body still feeling a little wrong somehow.
When Zania had dropped Reza off at the house in Overlook earlier that morning, he’d felt a bit of dread walking into it. It was kind of ridiculous -- Shane hadn’t died there or anything. But he still got a chill when he walked into the kitchen and saw the plastic trash left behind from the EMTs, wrappers from medical equipment they’d used on Shane while they worked on him on the floor. Everything was just kind of frozen in disarray. Reza made himself pick up and straighten things, so Shane wouldn’t have to see it when he came home. Once their kitchen looked okay again, he went and took a much needed shower and changed his clothes, then began calling the hospital.
Reza arrived at Mercy a little before ten and went to the front desk. He’d been told that Shane would be discharged this morning, and he wanted to let them know he was here. A nurse told him they were almost done with Shane’s paperwork, and Reza could go on back to his room, so that was what he did, nerves fluttering in his stomach. The door was halfway open, and Reza rapped his knuckles on it lightly as he stepped inside. “Hey ... I brought you some clothes,” he murmured, lifting the small bag in his hand.
Shane was expecting it to be a doctor and looking up and seeing Reza gave him a rush of emotions he could barely identify, they clashed together so hard. "You came back," he said quietly, a sense of wonder in his voice, almost a question but not quite. Reza didn't owe him shit and he was still here, bringing him clothes so he could get out of here with some dignity. Apologies were flooding his chest, rushing his throat and getting stuck there because he didn't know if Reza wanted to hear any of that. "Are you okay?" he asked instead and it was hard to read Reza's expression. He looked cautious, that was about the only thing Shane could summarize that as.
Reza hadn’t been sure how he would feel, seeing Shane again. He hadn’t left on awful terms, but still, there’d been time and space and sleeping, what if he felt differently? But all he wanted to do was hug the rumpled, wild-haired man sitting on the hospital bed and bring him home so he could get himself together. Maybe that made him a sucker, Reza didn’t know. He walked over and set the bag down at the foot of the bed as he considered the question. “Usually that’s what you ask the person in the hospital gown,” he murmured, and gave a tiny smile. Reza reached out to brush his hand over Shane’s unruly hair. He needed a shower too. “I’m okay. Worried about you, and us, but ... okay. They said up front they were almost done with your discharge stuff, so we should be able to go soon.”
Shane was quiet for a bit, watching him with furrowed brows as his mind was anything but quiet. He wanted to find a way to make Reza leave, or find a way to keep them safe, but there were no ways to keep safe, not fully. He wanted Reza to stay, he wanted to break his heart so badly he wouldn't want to be within five hundred miles of him. He wanted to pull him close and just cling to him. It was exhausting. "It's worse than I thought," he finally said. "This town. Everything. This isn't the first time this has happened, people have died." He could have hurt Reza and he'd felt so capable of doing just that. Did Reza realize that? Had he seen that manic glint in Shane's eyes before he'd collapsed? "People go crazy and hurt themselves and others on the regular. How the fuck do I fight that?"
His expression turned rather grim as he listened. It all sounded like the same warnings Zania was giving him about Point Pleasant, and he wondered vaguely who was talking to Shane while he was gone. “I don’t think you do,” Reza murmured after a pause. “I think you just try to survive it, and protect the people you care about. Until we finish what we came here to do, at least, then we can get the fuck out of this place.” He sat down on the edge of the bed next to Shane’s thigh. “Zania filled me in on a lot last night. I’m going to get some help with putting better wards on the house. We’ll just have to be more cautious, watchful for ... not being ourselves. I didn’t realize ... I would’ve tried to stop you, if I’d known ... I’m sorry, Shane. Whatever it was didn’t affect me, I should’ve done more before you went too far.”
Shane didn't want to think about what he might have done if Reza had tried to stop him. "None of this is your fault," he drawled quietly, trying to get those unwanted memories of his own stupid feelings out of his head. "I almost hurt you. I mean, more than I did. I don't think you could have done anything. Knocked me out, maybe." Wards on the house sounded like a start and maybe that was something that could protect them from things like this. After all, Overlook was full of witches and magical protections and those powerful people still chose to live in this fucked up town. Even then, Shane was scared and that wasn't a feeling he was comfortable or very familiar with. His own impending doom was one thing, having Reza on his conscience was far more terrifying than that.
“I can do that, you know,” Reza murmured with a faint smile. “I don’t even have to hit you over the head with anything. You can’t hurt me if you can’t breathe.” He paused, then huffed a soft laugh and shook his head. “That sounded threatening, sorry, I mean ... I’m not defenseless, okay? I can knock you out with lack of oxygen, I think I can snuff out most of your fires, I can make sounds that will put you on your ass. So ... yeah, I could’ve stopped you, before you hurt me.” It felt strange to say those words, like he should be more upset that Shane wanted to hurt him at all, but Reza thought he could accept that Shane wasn’t in his right mind at the time. “It’ll be easier for both of us if you stop thinking of me as some fragile damsel in distress. I know I like to bottom, but fuck.” Reza huffed softly.
That was a damn good point and threatening or not, it made Shane feel a little better. "You have my permission to do any and all of those things if you have to," he said and smiled faintly at Reza's little jape. The fact Reza could snuff out his fires would have alarmed him more than the lack of oxygen which was probably weird but under the circumstances, neither of them alarmed him at all. He was glad Reza could do that and while there might hypothetically come a time when he'd resent it, he couldn't imagine that scenario now. "Seriously. Don't hesitate. I don't wanna hurt you." He pressed his lips together in a little grimace, his stomach churning as he thought about the way he had already hurt Reza, about the shit he'd said. "I'm sorry," he whispered, not sure it carried the weight he felt like it did, but it was a start.
Reza was nodding over Shane giving him permission to defend himself if necessary -- something he didn’t actually need, but was still glad to hear -- when the soft apology came. For around twenty four hours now, he’d wanted to hear a clear, concise apology from Shane, when Reza was sure he wasn’t under the influence of anything anymore. That seemed to be now. The quietness of it made his chest ache a bit and he nibbled on his bottom lip as he studied his boyfriend. “I need to know you didn’t mean what you said,” he said finally, his own voice soft. “That you trust me and really want me here ... not just a fuckbuddy for distraction, but you want me here. I’d just let it go, I know your head was being fucked with, but ... this isn’t the first time, Shane. Even if it sucks, I need you to be honest with me.”
Shane hesitated, not sure how to word what he was thinking, how to be honest and tell Reza how he was feeling. It was all so conflicting and hard and more than a little scary. "I want to not want you here," he sighed. "I wish you were just... what you were supposed to be. Just distraction, some fun that lasted for a couple of weeks. That's why I keep- that's why I say that shit. I don't want to want you here, I'm going to get you killed and that's a lot scarier than the thought of me dying here." He scrubbed his hands over his face, inhaling deeply before dropping them to his lap and huffing softly. "I don't let people close, I don't know how you got in but. You're not just a fuck toy, Reza. You were supposed to be, but you're too stubborn."
He was quiet for a couple of moments while he chewed on that. It was kind of sweet, even if the logic was twisted. Shane was trying to protect him, in his way. Protect both of them, really, because Reza knew it wasn’t all about outside threats. It was about letting people close, too. “Can’t say I’ve never been called that before,” he murmured with a low chuckle. Reza reached to take one of Shane’s hands. “I appreciate that you don’t want me to die. I don’t want you to die, either. So let’s ... not do that? I know it’s hard for you to accept, you’ve been alone too long, but we’re stronger together, Shane, just like with all the other psychics. This thing is dangerous, yeah, but it doesn’t have to be a death sentence. If I went back home right now I would just drive myself crazy worrying about you. My eyes are open, I have the agency to leave anytime I want, but I don’t want to. I want to be here with you.”
"See? Stubborn," Shane mumbled, clenching his jaw in a lame effort to keep his throat from tightening up the way it seemed to want to do now. "I must have a really strong dick game," he added with the briefest of insincere smiles, his eyes stinging a bit as he squeezed Reza's hand. He'd done the right thing in ghosting Reza that first time around, it just didn't take because he met him again and now he was stuck with him in every possible way. It'd be so much easier if he just wanted him to go away but he felt stupidly grateful that Reza was still there and refusing to leave.
Reza could see that he was making Shane emotional. He was learning that was most likely the most direct response to his words he was going to get. Shane wasn’t exactly big on flowery declarations of anything ... not even a plainly spoken description of how he felt, like how Reza liked to communicate. That was okay, he felt like he could interpret what Shane meant anyway, and he grinned faintly at the joke, squeezing his fingers back. “I mean ... obviously, you do, yeah,” he agreed. Reza’s attachment to him was made of much more than that, of course, but he had probably laid the sappy shit on thick enough already. He scooted in closer and leaned over to press his lips against Shane’s. It had been too long since he’d kissed him.
Shane closed his eyes and kissed him back as he wondered whether love was supposed to hurt this much and if that meant this was love. Emotions were confusing to someone who rarely let himself feel anything but the last few weeks had been pretty big in changing everything in his life. "I wasn't sure you'd come back," he admitted, reaching up to cup Reza's neck and pressing their foreheads together. "Thanks." It sounded lame as soon as he said it and he grunted softly, feeling inadequate at all of this. "I'm glad you're here," he amended, then kissed Reza again.
Part of Reza wanted to be kind of insulted that Shane seemed so sure he would just bail on him like that, but it wasn’t actually that surprising, was it? He seemed to expect that of most people, and that was probably what most people in his life had actually done. They’d either hurt him or left him, or one right after the other. Reza was damned determined not to fall into that pattern, and like they’d established, he was stubborn. He kissed Shane for another moment or two, still hanging on to his hand. “I’ll always come back,” he murmured, still close to his lips. “Someday you’ll know.” Reza pressed another soft kiss on his mouth, then sat back again. “Now, get changed before they come to kick you outta here.”
"They're gonna take their sweet time," Shane mumbled as he moved to get out of bed and check which clothes Reza had brought him. Anything was better than the hospital stuff, he was sure, plus he didn't own anything he didn't like. "I've been trying to get kicked out all night." That wasn't true, but he'd almost left in the middle of the night, just like he had the last time he was hospitalized. "Did you give them all my drugs?" he asked as he started peeling the hospital clothing off, not really caring if someone walked in on him.
Reza shot him a disapproving look. He’d told Shane not to do anything stupid and to stay at the hospital, but apparently that hadn’t kept him from trying. But if Shane had thought that Reza wasn’t coming back, that made sense too. “When I was trying to help the EMTs save your life and handed them the bag full of chemicals because I didn’t know what-all you’d taken? Yes, they kept them,” he answered archly. Reza stood up to go to the door and close it all the way. Shane might not care about his dignity, but care was ingrained into Reza. “I don’t think you should take anything else Shane, not for a while. Nothing hard, anyway.”
There was a bite to those words but Shane still shot him a faint smile. "I was gonna get rid of anything that remained," he said and he knew he should just be happy that they hadn't brought in the cops to question him. "If we want to party, we leave town." Not that he really wanted to party right now, not for a while, not like that. Alcohol was fine but he didn't want to get drunk either, his body had rudely reminded him of his mortality and while he felt a lot better today, he was still a bit sore. "I didn't know how dangerous this place was," he added, pulling his pants on and buttoning them. "I do now." He had a feeling he only knew a small fraction of it, it was hard to wrap his head around everything Toby had told him happening in real life and it felt like there were more layers to it than Shane could fathom.
He hoped that was true, that Shane hadn’t been asking so he could look forward to finishing off the bag or whatever. Reza didn’t feel like he would want to party like that again for a long time -- though he hadn’t been the one partying, in spite of Shane’s obnoxious efforts. They probably should have left the drugs in Boston in the first place, wasn’t taking illegal drugs across state lines a felony? He hadn’t told the medics where it had all come from, and nobody had asked, thankfully. Reza tried to put it out of his mind and focus on the other grim shit that Shane said. “I spent the night at Zania’s,” he told him. “She filled me in on a lot. So ... me too, I guess. Did you talk to someone too?”
Shane was a little surprised to hear that on account of how they'd only just met, but it made sense that Reza wouldn't have wanted to go back to the house. Hell, Shane kind of wanted to get a new house now, after this shit. "Yeah," he said quietly. "Toby was on the night shift." He was glad now that the door was closed because what he was about to say was not for prying ears. "I don't know if it's AIR doing it or something else, but shit like this happens all the time apparently. Halloween? People thought they were whatever they dressed up as. Did she tell you that?" He was kind of glad he usually stuck to dressing up as sexy-something if he even bothered at all, horror didn't hold all that much appeal to him and even less so now. "Some kid broke some bones 'cause he thought he was a superhero and that wasn't the worst of it."
Right, Toby. Reza was glad that he’d been here for Shane, and thought maybe he’d been an even better person for Shane to talk to. Maybe it was good that Reza hadn’t been able to stay with him all night. He definitely felt better about everything after talking to Zania, in spite of her dire warnings about how Point Pleasant really was. Reza was grateful to have found a friend he could talk to who wasn’t right in the middle of all this AIR shit. “She didn’t mention Halloween,” he answered, shaking his head a bit. “But she told me about this fog last fall that brought monsters with it, which was ... somehow connected to why Vex disappeared for a while. And that there are random days where everybody’s minds just get scrambled one way or another.” Reza paused, then added, “It wasn’t your fault.”
That was what Shane had been trying to tell himself, but hearing it from Reza made him want to argue that it had been - that he hadn't been strong enough, that he'd been the one to bring dumb as fuck drugs back from Boston. Who needed cocaine in Point Pleasant? Maybe the dick next door, but Shane didn't know what he'd been thinking when he brought it back with him. He faltered, opened his mouth to speak and then frowned and shook his head. "Let's just - I'm gonna try to keep it from happening again," he mumbled, guilt laced through every word. "And if I fail, you just take my breath away." It was a sad attempt at word play and lightening the mood, one he already knew fell flat before he finished saying it.
Reza could see Shane struggle with that fact and it made him want to hug him again. It was a good thing that he wanted to avoid this in the future, because Reza definitely didn’t want to go through it a second time. He gave a tiny smile at the pun. It was fairly flat, but Reza didn’t think much of anything would be funny at the moment, and he wanted to be gracious about it. He walked back to where Shane was standing and put his hands on Shane’s hips. “I’ve got your back, that’s all,” he murmured. Whether that meant fighting some cadre of mad scientists or calling an ambulance when Shane needed one, Reza was going to be there for him. He kissed Shane’s chin.
Shane had always been better with physical affirmations than verbal ones and they were so much easier to reply to as well. He relaxed a little when Reza gave that to him, smiling at the little kiss. "I'm trying to get used to that," he admitted, then pulled Reza into a tight hug, clinging to him like a lifeline. "I won't let anything happen to you," he said quietly. "And if I fail I'll burn this fucking place down to the ground." He knew there was no comfort to be found in that promise, but he knew that losing Reza would probably make him lose his mind. Someone should put a bullet in his brain the second they saw it happen, just as a precaution.
It was a very pyrokinetic way of saying that he had Reza’s back too, and it made him grin faintly over Shane’s shoulder. Reza returned the tight embrace, one hand rubbing Shane’s back a bit. He knew that his boyfriend wasn’t used to having people in his corner who really cared, but Reza was determined to keep showing up for him. And now he understood better why Shane said mean idiot things to him sometimes, so it would be easier to call him out on the truth if it ever happened again. He turned his head to kiss the side of Shane’s neck. “I believe that, too. I feel safer with you than anywhere else, no matter where we are,” he murmured softly next to his ear. Reza squeezed him tighter.
Some part of Shane wanted to push him away, shove him even, and yell at him that it was stupid to feel safe with him, he'd almost hurt him in his stupor, he wasn't safe to be around at all. But most of him just wanted to cling to Reza, despite the guilt crushing his innards. "Well, you're a dumbass," he whispered, not trusting his voice to be playful or not cracking. It didn't feel right to be trusted like that, not when he didn't fully trust himself, but maybe Reza would find a way to protect his mind with Zania's help. Shane didn't exactly love the idea of his having his mind fucked with but he was trying to think of it as some psychic helmet of sorts and not actual meddling. Could they even do something like that? Maybe warding the house was enough, he just knew he'd rather be lobotomized than lose control like that again.
Reza rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t really be offended. Maybe he was a dumbass. Maybe he deserved any shitty consequences he got for staying here with this unstable, complicated, traumatized man. But the fact was that Reza felt better with Shane than he did without him. He was invested now, and there was no way he could just go home and forget about all of it. He was determined that when he did eventually go home, it would be with Shane. “Maybe so, but I’m your dumbass,” he murmured. Reza kissed the side of his neck again and started to pull back. He was sure the nurses would be coming to discharge Shane soon, and he was beyond ready to be out of there and on their way home.
"Guess that makes me your jerk," Shane mumbled, rather than get into all the ways he didn't deserve Reza. The last thing he wanted was to be a whiny sack of shit so he let Reza pull away and finished getting dressed while trying not to think of all the horrible things that could have happened the day before. What he should be focusing on was how to make it up to Reza and he already planned on spoiling him senseless in any- and every way he could think of. "I'm starving," he murmured. "Do you wanna go get brunch?"
He perched on the edge of the bed while Shane pulled the rest of his clothes on, checking the time on his phone. Reza wondered idly why it took so damn long to let someone out of the hospital. His brows lifted at Shane’s suggestion with a bit of surprise. He was hungry too, but he was just as happy to eat at home. If Shane felt up to eating out somewhere though, Reza wasn’t going to say no. He knew Shane didn’t want to be babied and fussed over, so he didn’t ask if he was sure. “Yeah, me too, that sounds good,” he answered.
Reza was about to ask where he wanted to stop when a nurse knocked on the door and then walked in to give Shane his paperwork and finish up with him. A bunch of signatures and aftercare coaching later, they were finally walking out of Mercy and climbing into the car. Reza sighed as he settled in, then glanced over at Shane. “Where do you want to stop?”
Shane suffered the indignity of being wheeled from his room to the sign-in area but he did get to at least walk out the front entrance so he couldn't sulk too hard about it. Hospital policy, blah blah blah. God he hated hospitals so much, though this stay had been less painful thanks to Toby being there. He was more than happy to be in the car though, heading away from Mercy and to somewhere - anywhere - nicer. "I don't know," he said. "What are you in the mood for?" If Reza didn't know, he'd make a decision himself, but right now he was very much in the mind of pleasing Reza so letting him decide just felt right.
It wasn’t like there were dozens of brunch options in Point Pleasant. It made Reza miss living in a real city, where everything was open all the time and he could have his pick of all kinds of food. When they went back to Chicago, he was going to take Shane to all of his favorite cafes and restaurants to reset his palate from all this bland white-American food. Then, if things continued to go well under normal-life circumstances, he could introduce Shane to his family and they could really eat something delicious. “Uhh ... Joyland?” he suggested for the moment as he pulled the car out of Mercy’s parking lot. Moxie’s did breakfast, he was pretty sure, but Reza wasn’t in the mood for all that grease. “We can get some coffee and muffins or something. And if you’re still hungry at home, I can make you some eggs.”
"That sounds fucking amazing," Shane murmured and if Reza had wanted Moxie's this early he would have gone along with it and just ordered something light but he was in no way in the mood for heavy, greasy food either. He settled in for the ride, watching Reza out of the corner of his eye when he wasn't looking directly at him, just studying his profile and letting his mind wander. As they got closer to Joyland he finally spoke again after being content not to for a few minutes. "I'm glad you went to Zania's," he told him quietly. "I mean, I'm glad you didn't- that you weren't-" he decided to stop trying to say shit he had no idea how to say and reached over to rub gently at the back of Reza's neck instead. "I'm glad you weren't alone."
Reza understood what he meant, even if he was tripping over words, and he smiled faintly, enjoying the petting. “Yeah, I really didn’t want to be,” he murmured. Though even if someone had volunteered to keep him company in the Overlook house, Reza might not have wanted that either. He’d needed to stay away from the scene of the incident for a while, so he was grateful that Zania had opened up her couch to him. “I’m glad you weren’t either, that Toby was there for you,” he said, glancing over before he slowed the car to turn into the small parking lot behind Joyland. Reza had felt so torn about having to leave the hospital -- he’d wanted to stay by Shane’s side, but at the same time he’d needed the space to straighten his head out. “And I’m glad he made you stay, so you didn’t like ... walk home to an empty house,” he added.
Shane clucked his tongue, not sure how to answer that but then muttered a huffy, "Yeah." He could easily imagine walking out in the dark wearing nothing but the damn hospital clothes, out of his mind - mostly because he'd already done that before and he knew how much it sucked. "I'm gonna get a new place," he muttered. "I don't wanna live there anymore. Maybe I'll just buy a house, I can leave it to you or Jane or Toby if I don't survive this war." All his money was going to be lost if he didn't invest in anything and make a will and he'd never really cared before now.
He thought that might be kind of an overreaction, but Reza wasn’t the one paying the bills, so there wasn’t much he could say about it. He was fairly well off himself, but definitely not in a position to just randomly buy a house. Though in this market, who knew for sure. “Maybe we should stay in Overlook,” he suggested carefully. “There’s a high concentration of witches there, the whole neighborhood is warded. It might actually be safer than anywhere else around here.” Part of Reza wanted to tell him he was being stupid and of course he would survive the ‘war,’ but considering where they’d just come from, he bit his tongue on it. Reza parked and turned the engine off.
He had a point and Shane hummed in consideration. He felt like he was crawling out of his skin but maybe it would pass, maybe he could just change up the place they were staying in. "Yeah, we'll stay in Overlook," he decided, mainly because they needed all the protection they could get and he liked the space in those houses. "Fuck, I'm not making decicions on an empty stomach." He shot Reza a little smile before he got out of the car, breathing in the clear summer air. The weather was a lot nicer than it had been the day before, maybe he'd feel up to running later, that would get some of this excess energy out of his system. He waited for Reza, then idly wrapped his arm around him before they headed inside. "I move all the time," he told him, another annoying thing for Reza to deal with, he supposed. Deal with or get used to. "I get sick of places."
Reza agreed that they needed some food, Shane especially. Zania had fed him pretty well the night before, but he was willing to bet Shane hadn’t touched any of the food they’d brought him at the hospital. Not that Reza could really blame him there. He hooked his own arm around Shane’s waist for the brief walk to the cafe door. “So I’ve noticed,” he murmured, faintly amused. He’d at least noticed that Shane wanted to move bedrooms pretty often in the big house, he assumed that extended wanderlust extended to the actual domiciles. Reza had no idea how they would handle that if they ended up living together, but he supposed they would figure something out. “That’s got to get expensive,” Reza added as he let go of Shane to get the door for them.
Shane didn't like talking about money, he didn't really understand much about money, he just knew he had a lot of it and at least half of what he had was gathering interest on some offshore account. So he shrugged at Reza's words like they were talking about something a lot smaller than huge investments. "I like expensive things," he said and almost lost track of his thoughts as they were met inside by the intensely sweet smell of freshly baked goods. He was indeed starving. "Admittedly, I've never bought a house before so that could be a hassle. I'd have to talk to my money guy."
He wanted them to stay together even after Point Pleasant, but Reza wasn’t sure they were in a place yet where they needed to get into each other’s finances, so he didn’t comment. Shane was an adult, even a stunted one, and his lifestyle had obviously served him just fine for this long. He hadn’t gone broke. If they ended up married or something, Reza could put his two cents in then, so to speak. He left the conversation at that as they stepped into line and got coffee and a few breakfast type nibbles for themselves. Shane had seemed to want to be somewhere public for a little while, so Reza went with him to sit down at one of the small tables, starting to unwrap the muffin he’d gotten. “I met Brianna McCarthy from next door,” he said. “She’s a realtor. She’d probably be happy to sell you something if you really wanted it.”
"You're getting connections everywhere you go," Shane said with a little smile as he dug into his baked goods, eager to get started now that he had food in front of him and realized just how hungry he was. "It doesn't bother you? The thought of moving already?" He'd never subjected someone else to his whimsy, but he'd heard enough people tell him how awful it was to move and how they couldn't do as often as he did. Reza tended to surprise him but he really didn't think he was as eager for changes as Shane was.
Reza sipped on his coffee as he thought about it for a moment. “It’s not like we live-live there. It’ll be easy to pack everything up and go somewhere else, we don’t have to worry about furniture or anything ... if it was a more permanent situation, then I might have more of a problem with it,” he said. Might as well be honest, Reza figured. If this relationship continued, he didn’t want to move apartments every year or something. Maybe they could keep separate housing for a while, until Shane dealt with some of his Issues. “How often do you move house?”
Shane made a somewhat exaggerated shrugging gesture and grinned. Time was weird at best, he didn't do a great job of keeping track of it. "Whenever I feel like I need something new," he admitted. "I get... claustrophobic, I guess. Same house, same street, same neighbors, same view - I can't do it for too long or I go crazy." Same boy toy in his bed - he thought and smiled faintly at Reza who was defying that every minute of every day. God damn that man was a rebel, shaking up Shane's life in a way he'd never thought was possible. "I should be sick of your pretty face by now, guess you're really magic."
He tried to smile back, but it didn’t come off very well. That wasn’t as comforting as Shane probably thought it was, and Reza couldn’t help but wonder if his ‘magic’ had more to do with the upheaval Shane’s life was going through at the moment. Maybe he was just attached to Reza because everything else was so in flux and dangerous. Once life around him was stable again, would he get bored with whatever this was between them? Reza didn’t have any answers and he knew Shane probably wouldn’t either, if he asked. Either he would stay interested or he wouldn’t, but that was the risk with every relationship, right? Shane wasn’t going to change, and Reza had gotten himself into this, he had to see it through. “I’ll try to stay interesting,” he murmured, gaze dropping as he picked apart his muffin.
"No, you don't-" Shane started, the 'have to' dying on his lips. He leaned forward and grabbed Reza's wrist, trying to silently convey what he was having a hard time vocalizing. "I've never had someone like you in my corner," he muttered. "You're more. I don't feel trapped with you." He pulled back and picked up his cup of coffee, frowning softly to himself. Did he feel trapped with Reza? He'd run out on him more than once now, but he always felt compelled to go back and that was new. Could he promise he'd always come back? Probably not. He just couldn't imagine being alone again after their time together but he also couldn't imagine a 'normal' life with him. In a way he felt like he didn't have to worry about it, that he didn't have much time for either of those things, but what if? "I'm still shit at this," he mumbled and that was one thing he knew for sure, he was going to keep hurting Reza's feelings with reckless words or behavior, no matter how much he tried not to.
Maybe he was a sucker, but Reza believed him. He just hoped that wasn’t purely wishful thinking. Shane could still hurt him even if his intentions were good now. Healing the kind of trauma he’d been through didn’t happen overnight or in a straight line. It still felt worth it to try, at least for now. “Everyone is shit at this sometimes,” Reza murmured, nudging his leg against Shane’s under the table. “It’s no big deal, I just ... I’m glad to hear you say that.” There was a lot he could say, but Reza knew all this talking about feelings was uncomfortable for Shane, and he’d already been through a lot. He sipped his coffee again and groped for another topic. “Zania mentioned that she might throw a bonfire party soon,” he said. “Might be fun to go, sounds like it’d be up your alley.” Reza gave him a little smile.
"Bonfire party? Hell yes," Shane replied and so much for cutting down on partying. He had no intentions of doing drugs again for a while and not at all in Point Pleasant, that was for sure. A fire party though? That was a go. "It's Toby's birthday tomorrow," he said, glad for the change of topics since planning for events was far easier than talking about hard things like feelings and fucking up. "He's getting some people together at Dragonfly, we should make an appearance." Maybe it was too soon, maybe Zania's party was a week from now or more and Reza wouldn't want to go to a party right after Shane had nearly died in front of him, but Shane wanted to go and he'd feel crappy about not showing up. It felt easier to dress it up like making an appearance - dropping by with a gift - rather than planning to let loose.
A gathering at Dragonfly felt more permissible than a party at some hardcore club in a big city. Reza was comfortable in Dragonfly, and he doubted there would be baggies full of dangerous goodies floating around for Shane to dip into. Even if there were, if he couldn’t practice any restraint after yesterday ... then they had bigger problems on their hands. Reza didn’t mind him drinking or even smoking some weed if it was around, but anything more was going to put him on edge now, at least for a while. “Yeah, we should totally go,” Reza agreed. “I liked Toby. More than most of them.” He chuckled faintly and ate some more muffin. The AIR group was a slapdash collection of people, but Toby had seemed like the most fun at a party.
It was fair to say that Diego and Toby were the most likable ones of the bunch but Shane felt like he'd broken things with Diego at the last party. Hell if he didn't feel like he'd broken things beyond repair with Reza too, even if outwardly they seemed like they'd be okay. The urge to run was there, to simply drop it all and start somewhere new where he had no history with anyone. New place, old patterns. Anything to make this gnawing feeling in his gut go away. It was strange to think about gloomy things in a cozy little cafe with its low but joyful music playing and the sunshine streaming in through the windows but even all this light couldn't quite expel the darkness inside Shane. "We should go gift shopping today," he said. "Never show up empty handed to a birthday party, right?"
“That’s what I’ve always believed, yeah,” Reza murmured. “It’s always hard to shop for people you don’t know well ... what do you think he’d like? Liquor?” Giving alcohol to people who drank was usually a hit. Reza tried to remember if Toby had indulged in their punch at the house meeting and couldn’t. There had been a lot going on that day. Toby had seemed like the eccentric sort, at least fashion-wise, so maybe they could find some fun jacket to give him or something, though shopping for clothes for other people was always a gamble ... Reza let his thoughts wander around as he sipped his coffee and finished up his breakfast.
"Oh yeah, he'd like liquor," Shane said with a grin and it was probably a better gift than something like a new phone. He never really knew what to give people, he didn't really need anything or want anything so it was hard to imagine what others did and harder to figure out what was too much. He remembered needing things, he'd gone from nothing to everything in what felt like a blink of an eye so the way he'd needed things didn't apply to anyone who wasn't homeless. "I don't even know how old he is, if it's a big one or not."
They’re all big ones if you think you might die, crossed Reza’s mind, but he bit his tongue on saying it out loud. He had no idea if Toby had the same fatalist attitude toward all this AIR stuff that Shane did. Maybe he was confident that they would all be fine. Or maybe he wanted to celebrate his last birthday, who knew. He deserved a bottle of whatever he liked to drink first, though. “Every birthday is worth a party and some booze, right?” Reza said instead. “Yours is ... August, right?” He squinted one eye, knowing they’d discussed this but forgetting the details.
"Yeah," Shane said, that heaviness inside of him mingling with a little warmth. "And you're in November, my little Scorpio. All birthdays deserve parties and booze but the big ones call for big presents and those are way more fun. Fuck, how old is he? I know he's a little younger than me. I was sixteen, he can't have been younger than thirteen at the time." He squinted as he thought about it, then growled in frustration. "Fuck, it could be a big one." For a second he had to think about just how old he was and he could practically feel the gears in his head grind to a halt as he tried to figure out how old Toby might be turning. "I'm gonna check his social media," he mumbled, pulling his phone out and ignoring the notifications as he opened up a browser.
That’s right, it was August because Shane was a poster boy Leo. Except for maybe all that leadership shit, he was more of a lone lion. Reza appreciated that Shane remembered his birthday month and sign right off the bat and he smiled faintly while Shane tried to figure out Toby’s age. If it was a milestone birthday, he wasn’t sure how ‘big’ of a present Shane had in mind, but it was his old friend and his money, so it was entirely up to him. Reza just sat back and finished off his coffee.
"His big birthday was last year," Shane said with a little pout once he'd found what he was looking for, but that added up age-wise he supposed. "We'll just get him some expensive liquor." At least that was easier to shop for than something more extravagant, although Point Pleasant did have a lot more luxurious items than he would have thought coming in. It was probably thanks to the snobs up in Overlook - which probably included him so he wasn't really one to talk. "He liked the punch and he likes fruity things so we'll go off that." It was nice, thinking about something other than the usual bullshit in his head for more than a second, but planning a gift had been too easy and he put his phone away, looking at Reza again. "What do you want for your birthday?" Assuming they both lived to see November.
Some sort of fancy alcohol sounded appropriate to Reza, and easier to find in this town than a lot of other gift-type things he could think of. More practical too. His brows lifted at the question before he chuckled a bit. “Ideally? A trip. I like to travel more than collect stuff. And actually celebrating my birthday on a beach for once instead of freezing-ass Chicago sounds amazing.” He thought it was something he might do for himself no matter what, whether Shane was with him or not. It was still months away, but he felt like he would need a break like that to look forward to. “Yours comes first though, what do you want?”
"I might just steal your idea," Shane said with a little grin. "I don't need to go far for sunshine in August but... A nice vacation sounds like fun." It was a better answer than his usual 'I don't need anything' but that one was true. "I usually just get wasted at a club, let everyone know it's my birthday and reap the rewards but- If you're sticking around, all you gotta do is come with me somewhere." It felt so far away and a lot could happen in two months, especially given their current circumstances, but dreaming was free and Shane liked the idea of lounging on some beach with Reza half-naked next to him.
If he was sticking around, like it would really be up to him. Of course, technically he had a say in the matter, but Reza knew that most of whether they were still together in August would depend on Shane. He didn’t need to make this a heavy relationship conversation though, they’d had enough of that for the day. “I mean ... we can go somewhere with a beach and clubs, you can still be king for a night,” Reza said, grinning back at him. “Or anywhere you want, really. It’s your birthday. Where would you want to go?” It was a much easier context to think about the future in than where their relationship would be in two or five months.
Shane huffed a little laugh at being a king for a night but he knew it would be different this year. He didn't really want to get all messed up and get a happy birthday blowjob from a stranger or kiss a whole group of guys. He might try for old times sake, but he had a feeling he'd just gravitate toward Reza and end up going home early. It didn't really bother him, it was just different. "Maybe I'll be in the mood for nightclubs again in August, right now I just want to lounge in the sun and sip on some extravagant cocktails. I think we can do that pretty much anywhere." A small smile curled his lips as he thought about it and he leaned forward a little, giving Reza a conspiratorial grin. "Would you go to Europe with me? I am picturing you in some classy old art gallery right now. You fit right in."
Reza happened to love the ocean with its constant powerful wind, and he hoped that Shane could tolerate being close to a body of water that big for the sake of an indulgent vacation. Beach lounging and sipping sounded fantastic, and a grin spread across Reza’s face at Shane’s suggestion. “How is that even a question?” he murmured warmly. “If I followed you to Podunk Town, Maine, of course I would go to Europe with you. Take me to the fucking French Riviera or the Italian coast ... we could take a detour on the way back and I could show you Cairo.” He was really dreaming now, wasn’t he? Reza leaned in to press a kiss against Shane’s lips. It was better than letting the I love you that was suddenly in his mouth slip out.
Shane had started smiling a little brighter when Reza agreed - and in no uncertain terms at that - and this turned out to be just what he needed to push away the darker thoughts. He only stopped smiling to kiss Reza back, comforted now and more secure in the hope that Reza wasn't actually going to take off. "Italy, France, Cairo," he murmured and he might not fully believe they'd ever be able to go, but dreaming was good for the heart and soul. "Not bad for a bucket list. Do you have a passport?" It was tempting to just go now, make sure they'd get to go before shit hit the fan and he was already feeling restless and antsy so the temptation was even stronger.
He’d been to Cairo before on family trips, naturally, but his family hadn’t been eager to venture north into Europe, and Reza had only been to Spain once as a pre-teen. It had been gorgeous and he’d always wanted to go back and see more. He hadn’t dreamed back then that it would be while traveling with a rich boyfriend. Reza briefly tried to imagine Shane coming with his family on an overseas trip and immediately dismissed that idea with some amusement. “You know I’m Egyptian, right?” he teased with a little smirk. “I’ve had a passport since I was a kid. Do you have one?” If Shane did have a passport, it was a wonder he was still in the country at all. There was a lot of world to roam that would’ve taken him farther away from AIR than Chicago.
"Wait, I thought that was a second generation thing, you were born there?" Shane asked and once again he felt out of his depth with how things worked. "You have a US passport, right? Mine might be expired, I'll have to dig it up. I've no idea how long those things last. I'll have to go to Chicago for that." Keeping important things in a bank vault was a great idea for a guy who traveled light, but right now he kind of regretted not having his passport on him at all times. Reza was right, there was a whole lot of world to explore, and Shane had done some exploring, but something always brought him back home.
Reza almost laughed at the obliviousness of the question, but he reminded himself that Shane was kind of a stunted adult. Even besides that, the whole US border system was crazy and convoluted even for people who’d gotten a full education. “No, I was born here,” he answered with a nod. “But my family went back to Egypt to visit family every couple of years. I’ve got dual citizenship, but you still need a passport to come and go. You have to renew every ten years as an adult. Has it been that long since you’ve left the country?” Not that they could do anything about it at the moment if it was expired, but now Reza was curious.
"It has not been ten years," Shane said somewhat triumphantly. He was definitely feeling better now with some food in his belly and Reza smiling at him. It both felt like it didn't take much to cheer him up and like those things were everything. "I went for my thirtieth birthday. Didn't do a whole lot of touristy things, mostly just roamed around and got to know the locals - and the local clubs. Oh my god, Italy. We're so going to Italy, maybe Spain? Somewhere else I haven't been before. So was I right? Are you gonna drag me to museums?" He leaned forward and grinned at Reza, obviously not minding the idea.
Shane’s mood was contagious as usual, and Reza found himself grinning right back. “Museums, historical sites, old churches ... I’m gonna culture the shit out of you,” he promised. Going to Italy and Spain and other places to be classy and touristy felt like a dream, but those were nice to have, especially if there was something hard that had to come first. It would give them something to look forward to together. “No old libraries though, you might be too combustible,” Reza teased before popping another quick kiss against Shane’s lips. “Ready to head home?”
Shane liked the sound of that. Someone probably should culture the shit out of him, it'd be something new to him and he did like aesthetically pretty things, he just didn't have a whole lot of exposure to art and history. "Hey," he drawled in protest. "I can control myself, all your ancient books are safe around me." He narrowed his eyes playfully, then grabbed a napkin to wipe at his mouth. "Yeah, think I'm ready now," he answered belatedly and the thought of going back to the house in Overlook wasn't quite as daunting now. Reza was being warm towards him, the dreaming and the food had been good and that meant Shane was more at ease. That didn't mean he looked forward to it. It had become yet another place where bad things happened and he wasn't sure how to clean that from his mind.