Who: Sebastian and Jules Where: Out and about When: Monday afternoon, June 18 Status: Complete
Hanging out with Jules really wasn’t a chore. Bash would have done it even without needing to talk to her about something important. Without school to occupy him, he had all this time to fill up, but he also didn’t want to be the needy friend to who called or texted every day looking for company, so he cycled through his friends, hopping from one to the other, keeping his days filled and his nights open to hanging out with Theo after he got off work. He’d texted Jules the night before, to see if she wanted to grab lunch and wander around the marina, and was glad that she said yes. The conversation he wanted to have wasn’t one he wanted to do over the phone or through text.
And yet, he still put it off as they wandered the shops and grabbed lunch, never feeling like there was a right time for it. It wasn’t until after they’d eaten, when they were walking near the water, that Bash spotted his opening. Thick fog still hung out over the water and he kept watching it, unable to act like it was nothing, even if it probably was. Fog had different meaning these days. It felt like foreboding. Bash casually nodded towards it. “I think that’ll always creep me out now.”
Jules was more than happy to hang out with Bash that afternoon. It kept her mind off of other things and it was a lot better than staying in bed, depressed. After last weekend, Jules told herself she was going to stop moping over Jasper and enjoy herself and so far she had been doing all right, keeping herself busy with friends and shopping and Ethan. She and Bash had seen one another at Theo's boat party but with other people there, it had been hard to talk one on one, not to mention how drunk Jules had ended up getting. So hanging out today, totally sober, was really nice.
She had noticed the fog too and while it sent a chill down her spine, Jules didn't feel anything ominous radiating from it. It certainly wasn't fog she had somehow conjured. But Jules understood what Bash meant and she nodded with a faint smile. "As long as it stays out there on the water, I think we're okay. It's weird to like, look at every single weather pattern these days and wonder if it's something terrifying."
“I think sunny days are pretty safe. I don’t recall anything ominous ever happening on a beautiful day,” Bash said. He could almost feel the fog, hanging out there over the water, and he thought if he focused on it hard enough he could move it. Maybe even start to dissipate. Except that it was naturally occurring due to the temperature of the air and the water and it would almost immediately return. And he wasn’t strong enough to do more than just a small section. Still, it felt normal to him, and seemed to behave as fog should, and that was what mattered. “Have you had any more trouble with—with portals opening?” It was such a weird question to ask that he didn’t even know how to ask it. He might’ve worried about someone overhearing them, but he doubted anyone would have a clue what he was talking about.
"Don't jinx it," Jules said with a faint chuckle. He was right though. Maybe if the sun was out, no one would have to worry. It was when everything was dark and gloomy that Point Pleasant got scary. Jules took a sip from the drink she had carried with her, leftover from lunch. Bash's question was kind of weird and sort of out of the blue because they hadn't talked about that in a long time. But she had talked to Greg about it last weekend and now Bash was asking her about portals. It felt silly to jump to conclusions but it also didn't take a genius to figure out that Greg might have talked to Bash about their conversation on Theo's boat. "No, I've got it under control," she said, eying him curiously. "Why?"
Bash met her eyes and felt a smile tug at his lips before he chuckled softly. He could make up some bullshit about just wanting to check on her, or say the fog had brought it to his mind, but he had the feeling that she’d see right through him. “Greg might’ve said something,” he said. “He got me worried, but I think it’s just a misunderstanding or something.” He was majorly downplaying it, but he’d rather Jules not know how worked up he and Greg had gotten over the issue. If Jules had it under control, it was probably none of their business, except that Bash was worried about her. He didn’t want someone taking advantage of what she could do and knew that could easily happen under the guise of ‘helping’.
Rolling her eyes, Jules huffed loudly. "Greg. I swear to god. I told him I had people helping me and he took that to mean people were makin me open up doorways all over the damn place. He like, freaked out about it, like I should be scared or something. I knew I shouldn't have said anything to him." She sipped from her straw sullenly before continuing. "And you know, he like ditched me for months, so he doesn't get to be all worried about stuff now. I trust the people helping me, especially because no one else was."
“Hey, I would have,” Bash said, knocking the toe of his shoe against hers. “I’m kinda useless, but I can always listen. I know I wasn’t… fully there, but I would’ve wanted to help. If I could.” But he couldn’t. He knew nothing about the portals she could create or how to control them though, which was what she had needed. “I’m glad you’ve got someone helping you. You deserve to have answers and to know what you’re capable of and how to control it.” He took a deep breath, wondering if he should tackle the ‘Greg’ issue or just focus on her, but he felt like they were too intertwined. “I think what he saw you do that time really freaked him out. That doesn’t excuse him ditching you, but I think he thinks it’s something you do often. And I can’t tell if the military involvement and hazmat suits are a real thing, or if he’s just blowing things way out of proportion.”
Jules tried to rein in her temper because it wasn't Bash who was overreacting the way Greg had. "It really freaked me out too, Bash. Every time it happened I was scared. Until I met Ethan, I didn't know how to control it and I had to use it to like... hurt people." She inhaled deeply to control the waver in her tone. "I don't have any idea where Greg got military involvement. It's not military! They're scientists and doctors. They wear hazmat suits because when we open a doorway, we don't know what's going to be in there. It's safety. So yeah, Greg is totally blowing things out of proportion. He thinks I'm a freak, he just won't say it to my face."
“He doesn’t think you’re a freak,” Bash said, but knew that it was a knee-jerk reaction and Jules probably did too. He had nothing to back it up when Greg’s behavior kind of indicated otherwise. It made him realize he could do nothing to resolve whatever was going on between Greg and Jules. That was between them. He was better to focus on Jules and make sure he didn’t damage their own relationship in the process. “I don’t think you’re a freak. Not any more than I am. I know you didn’t want to hurt anyone.” He’d had months to come to terms with the fact that Jules had essentially killed his mother, but he’d constantly reminded himself of the fact that if his mom had stayed, he’d probably be dead. They all would be. “You saved us.”
Jules knew that Bash would defend Greg. It was instinctive for best friends to do that, so she wasn't going to hold it against him. But people who really cared were either there for you, or they weren't. It was something Jules was realizing now more than ever. She swallowed hard when Bash reminded her that she had saved people by banishing his mom and the others to some hellish place. And she understood that he meant it. It just wasn't black and white to her. "You know, after it happened someone came to my house wanting me to open that doorway again, so he could try to save someone that he cared about. I wouldn't do it, so he told me that if people died over there, it would be my fault. And like, he wasn't wrong. And Jasper, he hasn't said it to my face but I know he probably blames me for it too and everything he's dealing with now. Like, how can you really love someone who almost killed you? Honestly, Bash, I didn't save anyone. I wasn't going to close that doorway. If anyone saved anyone it was Neil because he's the one who forced me to close it. I wasn't going to sacrifice Jasper." Jules exhaled sharply and tried to refocus. "I just can't care anymore if people are scared of me, or mad at me. I need to figure this out, you know?"
It was a lot to take in and it made Bash feel bad for bringing it up. The more she spoke, the more questions he had, but he didn’t feel at liberty to ask, sure that that would only make things worse. He stood quietly beside her, wondering if he should have blamed her more, if he’d tried to remove the blame because losing a friend in addition to his mother would have been too much. It was hard for him to hold it against her now that his mother was back, but he wondered how his mom felt about Jules. Or Jasper for that matter. He doubted Theo would have stayed with him if he’d banished him to some hell dimension, regardless of the reason. Saying someone else forced her hand probably didn’t help things, even if it was the truth. “For what it’s worth, I’m not scared of you,” he said. “I probably should be, but…” He shrugged, unable to explain.
As much as it sucked to talk about, Jules was kind of happy to be able to vent to someone about all of it. Lately she had started feeling less sad about things and more angry and while she didn't want to take it out on Bash, she was grateful that he was at least listening and not arguing with her the way Greg had. "The only reason people would have to be scared of me is if I was like, some psychopath. And I'm not. I don't think I am, anyway." She managed a faint smile, not wanting this whole day to devolve into an argument or bad feelings. "I just feel like I'm being blamed for something I didn't ask for, something I couldn't help. And it's like, people don't want to be around me much anymore." Except for Ethan, but Jules knew he could relate to her better than anyone. "Do you ever just like, want to leave? Pack a bag and just in your car and drive forever?"
“All the time,” Bash said with a little huff. “But then, I’d want to take Theo with me. And I’d miss Phee. And Greg. And you. And my mom. Probably eventually my dad, though it kind of depends on the day and my mood. So it’s more like, I wanna leave all the Point Pleasant bullshit behind, but take my people with me. If I could do that, I’d be gone.” Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy. He’d always planned on leaving, but the closer he got to actually doing so, the harder it seemed to make happen. Apparently, his roots were deeper than he thought. “I don’t think anyone thinks you’re a psychopath,” he added, since she needed to know. “I think… I think they’re worried you’re going to open a door and something’s going to get out. Or that someone’s going to take advantage of what you can do. But if these scientists are really helping you, and you trust them, then… I think we should too.”
Jules thought about just leaving everything behind. And everyone. She knew she would never do it, but somedays it felt like it would make things easier on herself. "That's why I have people helping me now. So I don't accidentally open a door and let something out," she pointed out. "And I'm not dumb... I think I'd know if someone was just using me." Taking a deep breath, Jules exhaled slowly to refocus her emotions. "I really just want to have fun this summer, Bash. This might be my last chance to do it before fall comes and then I have to go to college or get a job or something like that. I don't want to fight with people over something I can't make go away. Everyone else in my life is doing whatever they want. I just want to do that too, you know? Without feeling bad about it, or having to defend myself."
Bash wondered if she realized that he’d been that dumb, too eager to learn about his powers to see he was being used, but pointing it out didn’t seem worth it. Jules was smart and far less likely to make that kind of mistake than he had been. “I get that,” he said. “I used to be so excited about graduating, like it was going to be the start of something new and big, but… I dunno. It feels more like an ending. And more school just seems depressing.” He was expected to go though and he doubted that was something his parents would budge on. He was supposed to go make something of himself, to live up to their standards, but his interest in making them happy had dwindled over the past year and he was no longer sure he was up to the task. It didn’t even seem worth it.
Bash was right. It definitely felt like there was some kind of conclusion coming. Closure, maybe. It wasn't like they were normal teenagers and this was a normal town. Jules kept wishing she could rewind time and do things over but maybe she needed to let go of all of that and move forward instead. She was tired of being hurt and she was definitely tired of being sad. "More school seems like the only way we'll get out of here," Jules said with a faint smile. "But if that's not in the cards, then we should do what we want, right? I mean, living here, who the hell knows what'll happen to us tomorrow. Carpe diem and shit." She laughed a little and nudged Bash's arm gently. "This might be the easiest that things are for us. That’s a scary thought, isn’t it?"
“Terrifying,” Bash grinned back at her. “Do you have any clue what you wanna do? Because, like, now that shit’s getting real, I don’t have a fucking clue. I just wanna stay in this summer forever. Which sounds like some emo rock lyric, so just ignore me, waxing poetic.” Everything was going to change come September and Bash wasn’t sure he was ready for it. Even if he somehow managed to stay home a semester or two, he’d need to get a job. He’d need to start thinking about what he really wanted to do with his life, not just what his dad wanted him to do. That felt like the biggest hurdle and he knew he couldn’t go on ignoring it forever.
Jules shook her head. "I don't have any idea. I thought I would spend most of senior year figuring it out but then everything got so fucked up. Now I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing day to day. I know anything really cool will mean going to college and I'm not sure about that yet either. I guess I'll figure it out eventually." She shrugged, not minding if Bash sounded emo, because it was real. Nothing she had planned for so far had worked out, so why should she think anything she planned for her future would be different? "I guess we'll see what happens, right?"
“Yeah,” Bash said. “Maybe it’ll be easier once I’m away at college. I’ll have some lightbulb moment and everything will make sense. I kinda doubt it, but I don’t know what it’s like to be away from here.” Would it be better, like everyone thought, or worse? Would he feel like some kind of an alien compared to normal people? Or would he fit in? Like Jules’s said, he’d have to wait and see. “I don’t mind more school. I always planned to go to college. But my dad wants me to be a doctor and that’s, like, a shitton more. If I can even get into medical school. It’s his money, but it’s my life, you know? I feel like it’s gotta be what I want.”
"At least you're realizing that now instead of two years down the line when you're in college and already spending his money," Jules pointed out with a grin. "I don't believe in lightbulb moments. More like... flickers." She huffed and sipped her drink some more. Then she nudged Bash with her hip. "We're too fucking young for all this depressing 'what am I doing with my life' bullshit. We'll figure it out eventually. Do you even want to be a doctor?"
“I dunno. I know I want to help people. I kind of like the idea of emergency medicine, maybe because it seems a little more fast paced. I thought about being a nurse, but my dad acts like that’s a joke, and it makes me want to say ‘screw you’ and not go to college at all,” Bash said with a little huff. “I know that’s a stupid reason not to go. It’s hard to figure out what I want beyond my parent’s expectations. I just know that if I don’t give up on what they want, I’m never going to figure out what I want. Whatever that is.”
Jules was quiet as she sipped her drink again. Then she lifted a brow at Bash. "Sounds like you know what you want, after all. I mean... to start, at least. Even if your dad won't pay for college, you've got decent grades, you could probably get some grants or something. And... I bet your mom would be in your corner. Your dad might say no to you, but maybe he won't say no to her. Never hurts to try, right?" Jules knew her mom wanted her to go to college, but with everything going on at Dr. Wilkes's facility, that seemed to be on the backburner right now, and her mom seemed to understand it.
“I guess,” Bash sighed and wished it felt as simple as Jules made it sound. He wasn’t confident in what he wanted to do and the lack of support made him waver even more. The idea of taking on job that was a joke his father and brother made him want to punch something. Or someone. Two specific someones. And what if he didn’t even like it? What if he spent all that time and money working towards a goal that he hated? He’d probably make a better football coach and guidance counselor than doctor or nurse, but he honestly didn’t know. “So what are you doing this summer? To a take your mind off all the future plans and expectations waiting for you?”
Jules shrugged. "I don't know. Hanging out with Ethan, mostly. We might drive down to Virginia and visit Carson this summer, check out a real beach and all that. I'm kind of learning not to make plans anymore because, what's the point? This town'll just shit on all of them. I guess when my dad died, he left me some money that was like, in a trust until I was eighteen, which is now. I think it was supposed to be for college but I think I may use it to get a place. I'm so tired of living at home." Maybe she wanted to grow up too fast, which was funny considering that she sometimes wished she could go back a year and have a do over. She smiled at Bash. "Hopefully you and me can hang out too."
“Carson’s one of the guys that helped with the fog stuff, right? He moved to Virginia?” Bash asked. “It’d be cool to get, like, a house. Maybe one you can fix up. Or, I guess, I think that’d be fun, even though I know nothing about how to do it. It’d be fun to learn and have a project you could focus on and see progress.” It was probably a horrible idea for someone fresh out of high school, but he didn’t have the money, so it didn’t really matter. There was no point in making short term plans to get out of his house when he was leaving for college in the fall. “Course we can hang out,” he smiled. “Theo works, so I’ve got all this time to kill. I don’t wanna get a job if this is the last free summer I’ll ever have, you know?”
Jules nodded. "He moved to Virginia with his cousin. I guess he needed a break from this place." She couldn't blame him for that, even though she missed him. Just thinking about Carson made Jules want to reach out to him, if only for a second, to say hi. But she was with Bash and she didn't want to be distracted. Grinning, Jules reached out to toss her neary empty cup into a trash bin they were passing. "I don't know about a house. I think I'd be much better off in an apartment for a while, because they have people to fix things. I asked Ethan if he wanted a roommate, but I don't know if he thought I was serious. I'm just ready to be on my own for a while, without my mom like, hovering over me. My parties won't be as fun, but sacrifices have to be made, right? Are you going to just stay living at home for the summer?"
“I don’t know that I have any other options without a job, especially if I’m leaving in the fall,” Bash said. “I don’t think any of the apartment complexes lease for only a month or two. If I was staying, I’d offer to get a place with you, if things with Ethan fall through. I always thought I’d live with Greg, but I’m not sure about that now that he’s with Phee. And as much as I’d like to live with Theo, I don’t think we’re actually there yet.” It was one of those things that he liked the idea of, but also knew it was a serious step in a relationship, something he’d been actively trying to avoid. For all he knew, things would end when he left for school in the fall, but that just made him too damn sad to think about, so he didn’t.
They had been talking about college a lot today but just hearing Bash saying “leaving in the fall” made her stomach drop and she was sure it showed in her face. College was obviously a logical step, even if he didn’t want to be a doctor he’d want to be something, so of course the odds were good that Bash would be leaving. And it was completely selfish of her to wish that he weren’t. Carson was gone, Jasper was off doing whatever it was he was doing and now Bash was going to leave her too. The universe didn’t revolve around Jules, and she knew that, but it still sucked that it felt like most of her support system was disappearing. Leaving her. “Greg would totally live with you,” Jules said after clearing her throat. “I mean, it’s not like Phee can move in, she’s still in high school, right? But I get not wanting to commit before you leave town. You can spend the night at my place, if I get one,” Jules offered with a small smile. “Though I don’t know why you’d do that when you could just sleep over at your boyfriend’s. That’s much more fun.”
“Hey,” Bash said, knocking her shoulder lightly with his own. “I won’t be going far. I’ll come home often, and I’ll still have a phone.” If he was honest, he was as worried about losing his support system as she was. Greg was staying, too, as was Theo. It felt like he was planning to leave everyone he cared about and he couldn’t figure out why. The college experience had been super hyped up, but it didn’t sound near as fun alone. “It’s fun staying with Theo, but I can’t stay there every night. I don’t want to be a mooch and I don’t want to wear out my welcome. I’m a bad judge of how much is too much,” he said, rolling his eyes at himself. “I’m also not sure at what point my parents will draw the line. Maybe if I alternate Theo’s place, yours, and Greg’s, they won’t care as much.”
Jules knew if her life had been normal, she would be going to college too. She would be meeting new people, going to parties and maybe joining a sorority or something. She would figure out what it was she wanted to do with her life. Now she felt tied to Point Pleasant, like it had dug it’s claws into her and she would never leave. When she was with Jasper, that didn’t seem so bad because she has wanted to be anywhere he was. Now she didn’t know what she was doing. As much as she didn’t want Bash to go, she envied him for it too. “He might like you there every night,” Jules pointed out. “He’s not Hunter, Bash. Theo obviously likes you a lot. And god, I mean, you’re an adult now, right? Your parents are really going to be weird about you staying with your boyfriend?”
“I don’t know. That would mean acknowledging him, so… probably not,” Bash snorted. He knew his parents knew about Theo. They’d known since prom. But it wasn’t something they spoke about. It wasn’t like when he’d been dating Jules and they wanted to know his weekend plans, how things were going, how Jules was doing. And Bash didn’t volunteer the information either. He didn’t want to hear what they’d have to say, as if anything they might contribute could risk spoiling the good he had. “I know he’s not Hunter. I know he wants me there. Maybe not every night, but… I guess I’m kinda worried that—that it’s just gonna make it harder to leave. But maybe I should be soaking up the time I have. I dunno,” he sighed heavily. “It’s gonna suck.”
"You guys have been dating for like... four months, right? At some point they've gotta accept it. Then again, I was with Jasper for a pretty long time and my mom told him he was a novelty to his face. So maybe not." And Jules knew her mom was pretty happy that Jules was single again. Parents really sucked sometimes. Jules wondered what her mom would say if Jules told her what her dead husband had tried to do before Ruby took a bat to his head. It wasn't like Margaret Cooper had been married to some prize. Sighing, Jules looked at Bash. "Look, I'm not trying to like... pile it on you, Bash... but keeping Theo at an arm's distance isn't going to make saying goodbye any easier. I'd honestly give anything to like... spend every minute with Jasper this summer, because I don't know what's going to happen after it's over, and I don't even get that. You're going to regret not going all in with Theo later just because you were scared. So just... be with him, as much as you both want or it's going to suck way worse later."
“When’d you get all good at this?” Bash asked with an amused little huff. He knew she was probably right, that he’d regret it if he didn’t spend every opportunity with Theo that he could, but it was going to fucking hurt when it was over. He’d tried to take things slow, but it’d been four months, at the very least, longer if he started counting when they’d first hooked up. As hard as he’d tried to keep himself from becoming too attached, he knew he’d gone and done it anyways. Just because he hadn’t put words to his feelings, didn’t mean they weren’t there. “I don’t want to lose him,” he said bitterly. “And I don’t know how to avoid it. Not without staying. Which is way more appealing than more school, but… it just hurts to think about, you know? I’m supposed to be excited about getting out of here, but all I can think about is everyone I’ll be leaving behind.”
"I don't know, maybe getting your heart broken makes you wiser or something." Jules huffed humorlessly, but she could understand where Bash was coming from. Before they broke up, Jules had already been planning ahead, trying to work things out in a way where she wouldn't lose Jasper. Not that it mattered much, because she had lost him anyway. But Bash didn't have to go through the same thing. It felt like he had a really good thing going and maybe things weren't as bleak as he thought they were. "Leaving doesn't necessarily mean you'll lose Theo," she pointed out. "People do long distance all the time. And if you're not that far... you can visit, and he can visit you. Or," she added with a soft shrug, "you can just stay, if that's what you want. Take a gap year to figure things out."
Bash had done the planning head thing with Hunter, doing everything in his power to ensure they could stay together. It was where he’d come up with the idea of getting his nursing degree in the first place, because years of school wasn’t appealing in that scenario. And then they’d broken up. It made planning ahead seem pointless and caused him to doubt his motivation for his degree choice. When it really came down to what he wanted, without anyone else’s input or actions to consider, he just wasn’t sure. “Maybe, if he wants to. Four years is a long time to do long distance, but… things change. It might be different in six months. I always want to plan the whole thing out, but I can’t. There’s too many variables. So I guess it’s one day at a time? See what happens? Try not to overthink it and fuck it up?”
Jules nodded. "All of those things, Bash." There were definitely too many variables. Bash might find someone new. Theo might find someone new. Or maybe they would just grow apart. No matter how they felt about each other now, the odds were good that it would all change. Jules herself was starting to feel stupid for believing love lasted at their age. Bash should just enjoy it while he had it. "One day at a time, no expectations. Have fun. All that stuff."
“I can give it a try if you can,” Bash told her with a little smile. It sounded so simple: live in the now, make the best of what they had while they had it. He hoped he could actually accomplish it. Making plans felt so pointless when things could change in an instant. A few months ago, he hadn’t even thought he would leave, not with his mom gone, but she’d come back and that was never supposed to happen. It just went to prove how fragile things really were. They needed to hold on to their happiness while they had it, because tomorrow it might be gone.