BE-E AGGRESSIVE! (be_aggressive) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2021-08-14 10:59:00 |
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Entry tags: | #june 2018, jasper, jasper x jules, jules |
Who: Jules and Jasper, Part 1
When: Late, late, Friday night, June 15
Where: Jules's house
Status: Complete
Warning: Turns NSFW
After Ethan left, Jules tried to fall asleep. She was certainly drunk enough that it should have been easy to pass out. But she tossed and turned in bed, feeling restless in a way that was starting to exasperate her. It wasn’t the first time in the last few months that Jules had laid awake at night, staring at the ceiling or out her bedroom window. But tonight there was a very real urge in her gut, telling her what she wanted to do. And Jules had decided to do what she wanted to do from now on because she was Jules Cooper and she was tired of being fucking sad all the time.
Rolling over, Jules grabbed her phone that was charging on her nightstand and fell back onto her bed. The screen was bright in the darkness, but it made it easier to find her text messages. Licking her bottom lip, Jules pulled up Jasper’s name and began to type in a text to him. It took her a few tries because she kept fucking it up or auto-correct would change a word to another word, causing her to groan and whine with frustration. Finally, she finished and squinted to read it, wanting to make sure it made sense.
hi. What are u doing?
That worked. And it totally made sense. Maybe she hadn’t had as much to drink as she thought. Jules hit send and waited, wondering if he was awake. Or if he was out with Logan or someone else. Would he ignore her? It had been two weeks without any communication and Jules was thinking that was why she felt so restless tonight. If he didn’t have the balls to call her first, then she would do it. Because she had the balls.
Jules wasn’t the only one keeping weird hours these days. Or maybe they were normal hours for someone going through the shit they were going through. Jasper’s week had been very up and down, and while he felt like he’d gotten some closure on some things, others were still up in the air and shitty, and Friday hadn’t been a great day for him. Nothing actively bad had happened, he just felt like shit, moody and anxious for no reason. He’d stayed as high as he could most of his waking hours, then started drinking when he couldn’t go to sleep early, but drinking had just put him into a worse mood so he’d stopped and switched to weed again.
He was laying in bed watching TV, still a little drunk and definitely stoned, when his phone lit up and buzzed on the mattress next to him. It was super late, so he expected it to be either Logan or Elodie -- though the latter would probably just come over if she wanted to talk to him, she had a key and everything. But it wasn’t either of those people, it was Jules. Jasper’s heart immediately leapt into his throat and started beating hard, and he sat up abruptly, his head spinning a bit. He read her text a few times, his intoxicated brain trying to figure out what she meant. What was he doing? Did she expect him to be out partying? Maybe in the middle of fucking Logan? What was she doing, and up so late? Was she partying? What did that short ‘hi.’ mean? Was she mad he hadn’t reached out to her first? Fuck, all those times he’d started to text her and then backed out of it, fucking pussy ...
hey... just watching tv in bed. u?
Jasper’s response felt like it had taken ages. For a few moments Jules was sure he wouldn’t respond at all. But then he did and Jules frowned at his message. What did hey. mean? It was so nonchalant like he hadn’t broken her heart ten days ago. Had it only been ten days? It felt like years. But her brain was shifting to the rest of his message and she found herself desperately wishing she was laying in bed watching tv with him. It was summer. They were supposed to be together, having fun before they had to finally pretend to be adults. Jules licked her lips and then managed to get her thumbs working over the keyboard.
just in bed rn. Can’t. Sleep.
She pressed send and then added quickly, come over?. It was probably a bad idea but Jules didn’t care. Tonight was all about what she wanted to do and say and it felt good. She wanted to see Jasper, even if it was only for a minute. If he didn’t want to come see her then she would turn her phone off and go to sleep and try not to think of all the horrible ways she could hurt him.
His heart broke a little further at the mental image of Jules lying awake just like he was, feeling shitty. Jasper immediately wished he could teleport and put them both in the same bed together. When Jules’s second message arrived a moment later, his heart un-broke and started racing again. She wanted to be with him too. That probably should have been a ‘no shit’ kind of thing, but since they hadn’t been talking since the breakup, Jasper had no idea how she was feeling about him. He’d been completely sure more than once that Jules was probably finished with his dumb ass, pissed and fed up with his Issues. He wouldn’t have blamed her. Hell, sometimes he was completely convinced that she was doing much better without him. It also crossed his mind that maybe racing over there in the middle of the night, high and a little drunk, wasn’t a great idea, but that didn’t matter much. He was full of bad ideas lately, wasn’t he? And he was suddenly burning to see her.
Jasper scrambled out of bed to find some clothes to put on, all of it awkward with his phone in one hand, but he couldn’t let it go, like she might change her mind if he put their line of communication down for a second. As he stuffed his feet into his sneakers, he thumbed in a reply -- omw -- and then snatched up his keys to rush out of the house.
Jules hadn't realized she was holding her breath until his response came through. Exhaling sharply, Jules went on instinct and sent a simple smiley emoji. It wasn't exactly indicative of her mood, but she was happy that he was coming. He could have said no. Or told her he was with someone, or something terrible like that. Jules set her phone down and scooted off the bed to her feet. It took a moment for the room to stop spinning before she managed to get to her bathroom. When she flipped on the lights, her eyes slammed shut and she groaned, quickly fumbling to turn the lights off again. She brushed her teeth in the dark, telling herself that it didn't mean she was planning on kissing Jasper or anything but no one wanted to smell her beer breath. Ew.
The house was dark and quiet as Jules made her way downstairs, one hand pressed against the wall just for balance. Unlocking the front door, she pulled it open and waited in the doorway for his car. Her heart was beating so fast, like she was nervous or something. This whole thing kind of reminded her of last summer when they had started to hook up. The what are you doing? texts and meeting in the middle of the night and all of that. It was different at the same time and Jules chewed on her bottom lip, waiting for any sign of headlights.
He realized too late that he probably stank and Jasper considered whipping the car around to run back home to take a fast shower, but even that would take too long. He was stubbly and hadn’t washed that day, spending his time drinking and smoking instead, neither of which smelled the best. At least he’d put on clean clothes. He just had to hope that Jules forgave him for being gross. If he even got that close to her -- it occurred to Jasper that Jules might just want to scream at him on the front lawn and send him home, or something. Fuck, his insides were rioting with nerves.
Jasper managed to drive to Jules’s house without crashing into anything, which was no small feat and took real concentration. He thought to cut off his headlights before he turned into her driveway, and his heart did one of those jump-squeezes when he saw Jules’s silhouette standing in the front doorway. She was waiting for him. If he hadn’t been so fucking scared, it might have felt like a fun booty call, but he was and it didn’t. Not yet, anyway. Jasper didn’t even think to park down the street, wanting to get to her as soon as possible. He cut the engine and climbed out, forgetting his cigarettes and wallet in the car as he started to approach the porch and Jules.
There he was. He had even turned off the headlights, just like he used to when he was sneaking into her house. Jules wondered if she closed her eyes real tight and pretended this was last summer, then maybe her insides wouldn't hurt as bad. She was just drunk enough that it felt like it could work. Licking her lips, Jules watched him walk toward her and she exhaled softly, those same painful insides starting to soften and sort themselves out. She didn't care what he looked or smelled like. Just that he was there. When he got close to her, Jules reached out to take his hand and lead him inside the house, closing the door quietly behind them. She supposed she ought to say hi or something, but instead, Jules led him silently through the house to the stairs. Climbing them was pretty difficult, because it sometimes felt like they had begun to move under her feet. Any time she felt like she might fall over she just gripped is hand more tightly, like he would keep her grounded somehow.
When they got to her room, Jules pulled him inside and shut the door. And then they were alone. Not that they weren't before, but they were alone alone now. Jules tried to think of something to say but the words were all tangled up on her lips. A simple hello would have probably been okay. "Take off your shoes," she said instead, thinking that it was as good as anything else that might have popped up in her head.
It was difficult not to scoop her up into his arms like he was used to doing, but Jasper was a little emotionally overwhelmed just by Jules taking his hand, so maybe that was a good thing. He stayed just as silent and walked with her through her big ass house, hoping her mom was sound asleep in her room. Jules smelled a little beer-y and her steps weren’t all steady on the stairs, so Jasper was pretty sure she was half-lit like he was. Maybe more. In any case, his grip was tight and supportive whenever she squeezed his hand, and he felt ready to catch her if she needed it. Luckily that wasn’t necessary and soon enough they were in her bedroom, a place he hadn’t expected to be again. At least not anytime soon. It smelled so good in there, he already wanted to go burrito himself up in her sheets. Jasper automatically obeyed her suggestion, toeing out of his sneakers as he looked at her in the dim shadows. He had the same feeling of having so much to say but not knowing where to start. Jasper licked his lips. “I miss you,” he whispered first, the words feeling thick in his mouth.
Hearing that he missed her pierced through some of the boozy haze that lingered in her mind. She had been so sure he was off having fun without her, happy that he was free from being attached to someone. Jules hadn't known for sure if he was missing her or not and it had been driving her crazy to think that maybe he hadn't been. "I miss you too," Jules murmured. There was so much more to it than that but Jules didn't know how to formulate the words. If she told him everything she was feeling, would it even make a difference? It didn't mean he would want her back or anything. It might just end up hurting worse in the end. Having him there in her room made her want to lock the door and just cling to him so he wouldn't leave again. Stepping in close to him, Jules let go of his hand and gripped the bottom of his shirt to tug it up and take it off. Rational thought had sort of stopped being a thing back on Theo's boat. Jules just wanted to get her hands on bare skin, just to remember what it felt like.
Jasper’s feelings about being single again had been so mixed and chaotic, he would’ve had a hard time trying to explain them to anyone. It was both exhilarating and miserable. He was getting to explore his sexuality in a way he’d never done before, but he also ached for Jules so often. Everything was hard, but he seemed to be getting used to it a bit. Either that or he was going numb, he didn’t know. He certainly didn’t feel numb right then, his heart picking up speed once more as Jules started to peel his shirt up. Jasper lifted his arms to let her do it, not about to deny her any of his skin if she wanted it. He didn’t even feel horny, despite the setting. He just wanted to connect with her again. He got some sense that he needed to let her do what she wanted, to let her have the control here. Maybe she needed it too. Once he was shirtless, he stroked his hands down her arms, not trying to find any more words for the moment.
For Jules, being single again was just miserable. She knew she could have another boyfriend again if she wanted to. She could snap her fingers and get plenty of boys running. Occasionally, when she was all alone at home and angry at Jasper, she thought about doing just that. But the fury was just hurt in disguise and she knew she would regret fucking someone else out of spite or to even the playing field. Maybe she would get to a point where it would be okay again, and maybe not. Jules was just trying to get through each day without thinking too far ahead. Like tonight. She hadn't thought about Jasper all that often when she was on the boat with her friends. But then he had slipped into her mind and he was here and she was undressing him without giving it a lot of thought. It felt nice that he was letting her too. Jules licked her lips and pulled her tank top off, letting it drop to the floor beside his discarded shirt. Her fingers went to Jasper's jeans to unbutton and unzip them, glancing up at his face as she began to push them down.
It felt a little strange to be undressed with no kissing, no groping or passion already in the air, like Jules was going to examine his body for ... something. Hickies? He didn’t know. There were still yellowed bruises on his ribs and his eye wasn’t fully healed, but he didn’t know if she could see those things in this lighting. It helped a bit that Jules took her shirt off too, like it somewhat evened the playing field, but ... not really. She was still the one acting on him, and he was being passive. Jasper’s hands began to itch to touch her breasts, he had the urge to pull her in and kiss her, but he was waiting. He wasn’t sure for what exactly, but for something, some sign that it was welcome. He let Jules pull his jeans down and stepped out of them, left in just boxer briefs and his socks. It felt a little vulnerable, but that was nothing new lately, was it?
Even if he wasn't doing it, Jules kind of got the feeling that Jasper wanted to touch her more. If they had been together he would be by now, she was sure of it. But they weren't together and he probably had no idea what he was allowed to do. Being drunk certainly made everything more clear, didn't it? Once he was in his boxer briefs, Jules stepped back and worked her pajama shorts down to kick them away. They were both naked now except for their underwear and Jules wished she could verbalize exactly what it was that she wanted. Maybe she could. She just didn't want to because it would make her feel vulnerable and raw and Jules didn't think she had the strength tonight to deal with more hurt. Instead, she stepped forward again and ran her hands up his chest, sighing contently at the feeling of his body beneath her palms. Jasper had always been like a drug to her and it was an addiction that was hard to recover from. Raising her hands to cup his face, Jules drew him down so she could kiss him. Despite how bold and confident she had been feeling earlier in the night when she texted him, the kiss was soft and tentative, like she was half-expecting him to pull away from her.
Jasper drew in a deeper breath when Jules touched his chest, the smooth feel of her hands sending little tingles through his core. He’d always been a sucker for being touched by her, no matter where it was, and Jasper realized in a more visceral way just how much he’d been missing it. He took that as permission to touch her back, his hands settling on her bare waist, thumbs stroking against her skin. Beyond occasional hugs from his sister and poking at Elodie now and then, he hadn’t touched any other women, and he’d really missed that sensation too. Jasper bent down to meet Jules’s lips when she prompted him, and pulling away was the last thing he wanted to do. The contact made his chest ache, and Jasper kept his lips gentle and undemanding. God, he’d forgotten how soft she was. He slid his arms further around Jules, pulling her in lightly against him. There were a lot of emotions starting to churn around inside of him, and he pressed his lips more firmly against hers.
A sense of contentment blossomed through Jules when Jasper's hands finally found her body. His fingers still made her skin tingle and as soon as he kissed her back there was instantaneous heat between her legs. Some part of her wanted to pull away. To slap him a couple of times and provoke him into fucking her the way they used to, before feelings got in the way. That would be so much easier. Maybe that was what she had wanted when she texted him tonight. To see if she could go back to just sex, so she didn't have to lose him completely. It was a dumb idea, produced by her dumb, drunk brain. Jasper's arms around her body prompted her to slip her own arms around his neck, keeping him close to her. Jules parted her lips, her tongue teasing against his mouth, wanting to taste him deeper. Maybe this wasn't really happening. Maybe she had passed out drunk and this was a really good dream. That was okay as long as she didn't wake up.
He spared a thought to how bad his breath might be, but it was a fleeting one, and Jasper parted his lips for her. His tongue came forward to lightly stroke against hers, a warmer sensation pooling in his lower belly. He could feel her breasts pressing against his chest, and Jasper slid one hand in to rub his thumb against that beautiful curve. It didn’t feel like it used to when they’d first started hooking up, there were so many layers and nuances to how he felt about Jules now, he didn’t know if they could ever get back to that place. Jasper didn’t want to, though. He’d been so shallow and stupid back then, and he felt like a completely different person. Jules still lit a fire inside of him though, and Jasper felt his cock stir in his underwear as they both started to warm up. He didn’t know if this was a good idea or what it meant for them, but there was a yearning in his chest that he couldn’t deny, not with Jules’s mouth on his and her body pressed so close.
Good idea or bad idea, Jules didn't care. That was the beauty of alcohol, wasn't it? All she cared about was Jasper was holding her and kissing her and he missed her. He said so himself. That was enough to get her through the night. In fact, Jules was pretty sure that if he had just texted I miss you every single night, then she would have been able to fall asleep without crying. But god, it felt so good to stand there and kiss him without any real urgency, letting those pleasurable, fluttery sensations build in her stomach. She had no idea when she would get to do this again, so it felt right to take her time and savor every second of it. Unable to help herself, Jules pulled her mouth from his and began to kiss down his jaw to his throat, tasting his skin with her lips and tiny flicks of her tongue. He smelled like weed and alcohol and Jasper and she wanted him in her bed so her sheets would still smell like him tomorrow. Maybe that was weird or gross or whatever, but Jules didn't care. She wanted as much of him as he would give her tonight.
Jasper’s breath caught a little as Jules’s mouth on his neck sent goosebumps racing down his back. His heart was pounding now, and it was getting even harder to think through the haze of arousal and intoxicants. Not that Jasper wanted to think, because he didn’t. He just wanted to feel and be here, reconnecting with Jules in the way they were best at. Part of him wanted to cry with relief that she still wanted him, but he knew this could be temporary. Jules had obviously been drinking, maybe she would wake up and regret this, but Jasper definitely didn’t want to stop. He smoothed his palms down the curve of her back to cup her ass in both hands and squeeze gently. Jasper pulled her in closer, instinctively wanting more pressure against his growing erection. He needed to be all hers tonight, to give Jules anything she wanted, because it meant she still wanted him, and maybe that meant he hadn’t ruined everything between them yet. “Bed?” he whispered softly, turning his head a bit to inhale the smell of her hair.
If there was one thing they had always done well, it was this. Communication had always been difficult, but they had always known how to use their bodies to tell each other how they felt. His hands on her ass drew a soft breath from Jules's lips, and she nodded at his suggestion of getting to the bed. The urge to rub herself against his cock was so strong, as was the desire to fall to her knees and yank his boxer briefs down so she could drive him crazy with her mouth. Show him everything he had been missing. But Jules reached for one of his hands, curling her fingers around it to lead him to her bed. When they got there, rather than lay down, Jules sat on the edge and pulled Jasper between her knees while her fingers peeled his boxer briefs down over his cock. She just wanted a taste of him and she doubted he would mind it. Curling her fingers around his cock, she stroked him slowly and brought the tip to her lips, swirling her tongue around his hot skin before sucking on the head softly.
Maybe the fewer words they used tonight, the better. It seemed like there should be so much to talk about, like he owed her a full explanation of everything he’d been doing and thinking over the past couple of weeks ... but Jasper preferred it like this. He didn’t want to fight with her or make her upset again, he didn’t think he could handle that kind of emotional rollercoaster right then. Jasper was a little surprised when Jules sat and tugged his boxers down, expecting to focus more on her pleasure than his own, but he definitely wasn’t going to stop her if this was what she wanted. He hissed in a breath through his teeth as Jules’s tongue passed over his most sensitive skin, and Jasper delved his fingers into her hair. The soft heat of her mouth made him want to push in further, his body greedy for this attention, for the way Jules played his body like an instrument, but he let her control the depth and pacing for the moment. His free hand caressed her neck and shoulder, then dipped down lower to roll one of her nipples between his fingers.
Talking was definitely not a good idea right now. Jules couldn't quite think straight enough to formulate coherent sentences and all she wanted to do was ride this wave of arousal and contentment. It was late, the room was dark and she could easily pretend that there were no issues holding them back from each other. Having his cock in her mouth certainly helped Jules forget everything else. Her nipples grew harder beneath Jasper's touch and Jules ran one hand over his abdomen just to feel his skin as she drew him deeper into her mouth. She moaned softly from the taste of him and the heavy weight of his cock against his tongue. Her free hand slipped lower to cup and squeeze his balls gently. God, she was already so turned on and she squirmed a little where she sat. But she could wait. All she wanted right now was to make him groan and go a little crazy first.
Jasper let out a low sound as Jules’s mouth slid further down around him, his fingers flexing in her hair just to feel the strands. It was so different from the last time someone had his cock in their mouth, but Logan was far from Jasper’s mind at the moment. All he could think about was Jules and what she was doing to him. He fondled her breast a bit more before caressing both sides of her neck again, his eyelids heavy as he watched her. Things were shadowy and dim, but he could see the slight glisten her mouth left behind on his shaft and it was unspeakably sexy. He was dying to get his mouth on her too, to taste her again and listen to her breathe heavy, but it felt so good that he didn’t want her to stop, either. His breath hitched and he groaned softly as her tongue hit a good spot, his thumbs stroking her jaw. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” Jasper barely whispered.
Jules missed hearing his voice. Missed hearing him tell her she was beautiful. She also missed this, touching and tasting Jasper, feeling the way his body twitched and responded to her. Jules had been addicted to him for so long and withdrawal had been a bitch. Maybe she just needed a fix to get her through the next day. Moaning, Jules took him as far into her throat as she could, sucking hard before she slowly pulled back, swirling her tongue around the tip, tasting the cum that had started to leak there. "You taste so good," she murmured before sliding her tongue along the underside of his cock. "I've missed sucking your cock so much."
Those words made his cock jump a little, and Jasper pulled in a shaky breath, his fingers pressing into her neck a bit harder. He had been missing everything about Jules, and it was a mix of hot and emotional to hear her say she’d missed this part of him too. He could feel the precum leaking out of him and his balls felt tighter and fuller as she teased him with her tongue. With a low groan, Jasper slid both hands back into Jules’s hair and gripped there briefly, then rolled his hips to slip the tip of his cock between her lips again. “God,” he breathed. A moment later Jasper pulled his hips back and tilted Jules’s head up while he bent down to kiss her deeply again. He got one knee up on the mattress and started crowding Jules backward to get her to lie back.
If Jasper had asked, Jules could have probably taken the better part of the night telling him everything she missed about him. It wasn't just his cock and the way he kissed her. Those two things just happened to be at the forefront of her mind right then. She moaned into his mouth and ran her hands over his body, anywhere she could reach, before giving in and falling back onto her bed. She wanted to touch him everywhere. Feel his weight and skin pressed against hers. She wanted to curl her arms and legs around him and never let him go. Even more than all of that, she wanted him to touch her because she was sure she would explode as soon as he did. Jules peered up at him in the dark, captivated by every movement he made.
He loved the way Jules touched him and always had, it was more needy and demanding than any other girl he’d ever been with and it was perfect. Jasper was feeling worked up enough to want to just settle between her legs and push his cock into her, but he wanted to be patient and savor this. Who knew when Jules would want to do this with him again. He laid down on the bed next to her instead, pressing his erection into her hip and hooking his thigh over hers to keep her legs open. Jasper kissed her hungrily some more, nipping at Jules’s bottom lip as he stroked his hand over her skin, caressing her breasts and stomach and hip, until he dipped his fingers down lower to lightly rub her pussy over her underwear. She felt hot and wet already, but Jasper still wanted to drive her a little crazy, draw some noises out of her. He teased with soft touches at first, rocking his hips into her every so often just to feel her warm skin against his cock.
Jules whimpered softly against Jasper's lips, one hand lifting to curl around the nape of his neck to keep him close. How did he still feel this good? All of a sudden she didn't feel drunk on beer anymore. She felt drunk on Jasper and the way he was touching and kissing her. Her entire body was burning with need for him and Jules pulled his lips back to hers to kiss him deeply, one knee drawing up as she arched her hips against his hand. He was teasing her but Jules was okay with that. No matter how desperate she was to feel him inside of her, she didn't want this to be over too soon. In some way, it still felt like a dream. Maybe she had come home and passed out after all and she was just having a sexy dream about Jasper. Jules found she didn't care if that was what was actually happening because it all felt so real.
Jasper wasn’t sober either, but this all felt too good and real to be a dream. He didn’t know if this was just a lapse in judgement on Jules’s part, if it was one of those drunk booty call things she would regret in the morning, but he didn’t want to question it too much. He so rarely felt genuinely good anymore, and this was making him feel good. It was making him feel a lot of things, honestly, but intense love and lust were at the top of that list, and those felt good at the moment. The way Jules lifted her body up for more made his cock ache with need, and Jasper kissed her back with equal hunger as he slipped his fingers under the elastic of her panties. He groaned against her mouth as he touched her folds, stroking her to spread her slickness around and just explore again. He definitely wasn’t turning gay or whatever, he knew that much for sure, because Jules’s body was still just as delicious to him. Feeling hotter and more restless by the minute, Jasper started to nudge Jules’s panties down.
Jules didn't know what this was and she really didn't care to think about it. They were way past the booty call stage of whatever relationship they had. All she knew was that she wanted to see him and Jules was doing what she wanted today. Tonight. Whenever. Maybe Greg had gotten into her head. Maybe he was right that she should be scared. Maybe she was more dangerous than she thought. Maybe something terrible would happen to her sooner rather than later. Was it worth it to waste time and lay in bed pining over Jasper when she could have him in her bed? His kisses were making her brain shut down from thinking about all of that stuff anyway and Jules moaned loudly, moving her hips against his hand just so he knew how badly she wanted him. Sparks of pleasure were growing more heated in her body and as soon as she felt his fingers pushing her panties down, Jules reached down to help him get them off, too eager to get completely naked now.
It was a team effort but finally Jules was bare, and Jasper couldn’t help himself any longer. He needed to be inside of her, and she’d felt ready for him when he was touching her. Jasper rolled on top of Jules, nudging her thighs further apart. He didn’t even have to touch his cock to find the right angle, it just felt completely natural to thrust right into her as his mouth covered hers again. Jasper’s breath caught and he slid his forearms under her shoulders to hold her close, his body pressing tight into hers. Fuck, that was an amazing feeling. Jules was tight and hot around him, just like he remembered, but still so fucking sweet. He gripped her shoulders with his hands and gave a couple of slow deep thrusts.
Jules gasped against Jasper's mouth with that first, delicious thrust. Then she kissed him fully again, moaning deep in her throat when he began to move. It felt just like before, like their bodies still had each other's memorized. Of course, it hadn't been that long since they'd had sex but it felt like forever to Jules. Drawing her knees up, Jules pressed them into his sides, her hands sliding up his back to keep him close to her. She wanted to tell him how good he felt, how much she had missed him and this and she never wanted it to end. But she couldn't bring herself to pull away from his kiss just yet. She had missed his lips as much as everything else and Jules moaned again, her tongue stroking against his.
Jasper was already lost in it beyond words, all of his senses and his entire head filled with just Jules. He could feel the tension in his core already, a restless desire to pump and thrust until he found relief, but Jasper held back on it for the moment. It would be worth it to stay patient, he knew that for sure. He kept rocking his hips in those long thrusts, relishing every inch of her wrapped around him, cock and body both. Jasper didn’t feel like he could get close enough to Jules, even with her breasts crushed against his chest and their mouths locked together. With a low moan against her mouth, he pushed in deep, paused there, then picked up his pace just a little bit.
Jules was becoming quite breathless but she tried to kiss him for as long as she could before her lungs began to burn. When she pulled her mouth from his, she kissed his neck and shoulder instead, her fingers pressing more firmly into his back. Jules was riding high on pleasure, her soft moans building in intensity and volume the deeper Jasper pushed inside of her. All she could do was arch her hips up to meet his thrusts, lose herself in how he was touching her and making her feel. When was the last time she had felt this good? Like she could shut off her brain completely and just let go? It was possible the beer had something to do with it all but deep down Jules knew it was Jasper. Sliding her hands down his back, Jules gripped his ass and nipped at his shoulder with her teeth, feeling those spirals of pleasure start to sharpen in her gut. She wanted to come so badly and she knew he would get her there.
God, he felt like just her sounds alone could make him come. Jasper hadn’t forgotten what it was like to be intimate with Jules, but every memory paled in comparison to being in the actual moment. He kept his forehead pressed to hers, unable to pull too far away from her even when they both needed to breathe. The feel of her teeth sent sharp little stabs of pleasure straight to his cock, and Jasper groaned helplessly as his hips sped up even further. He’d lost all conscious control of his movements, caught up in the motion of his body and how hers felt underneath him. Not to mention that pleasure-pressure building in his balls. Jasper shifted his knees and elbows for more leverage and started to fuck her harder, more desperately, his breath harsh in his throat as he held on tight to that thread of control. He was dying to feel Jules come around him again, and he was determined to hold out until then.
Jasper wasn't going to have to wait very long. Jules had already been on the edge when he began to thrust harder and the extra pressure seemed to hit just the right spot. Arching against him, Jules gripped his back, a strangled sob escaping her as she strained for release. It only took a few moments of the increased intensity for Jules to peak and she forgot all about the fact that her mom was sleeping down the hallway. She wouldn't have been able to muffle her cries even if she tried. It was like she was floating, overcome with pleasure she hadn't experienced since the last time they had sex together. Jules hadn't even been in the mood to masturbate and clearly, she had been pent up because it seemed to go on forever. She knew on some level it had to do with much more than just sex, but she couldn't possibly stop to analyze any of it right now. All she knew was that she felt good and he felt good and that was all she wanted.
He rode out her climax with her, grunting and groaning softly as her body rhythmically throbbed around his sensitive cock. It was almost tight enough to hurt for the first few seconds, which helped stave off his own orgasm, and he concentrated on making it as good for Jules as he could. They’d had a lot of sex, and his body remembered just the right angle and depth to wring as much pleasure out of her as possible. Fuck, it was so hot. Jasper wanted to live in this moment with her forever. It was fleeting, though, just like every other moment, and finally those strong clenches eased up into little aftershocks. Jasper had slowed down through Jules’s peak, but his body didn’t want to stay slow for long. He gave her a breathless couple of kisses as his hips picked up their pace again, greedy for more pleasure, more Jules, now that he could be selfish.
Jules wanted to stretch and purr as her orgasm settled deep in her bones. But Jasper wasn't done yet and every movement of his hips seemed to intensify all of the aftershocks still pulsing through her. Jules drew her knees up higher, her hands gripping the back of his shoulders as she moved with him. As much as she had always loved it when they came together, there was definitely something to be said about finishing before Jasper. He always got a little wild when he was only worried about himself and Jules had always loved watching him come. She could touch him everywhere, kiss his skin, wherever she could reach. "So good," she panted breathlessly, arching her hips to meet his cock.
The way Jules moved under him, like she was trying to milk his orgasm straight out of him, drove Jasper crazy in the best sort of way. As much as he liked being so close to her, he couldn’t get the leverage he needed to thrust as fast as he wanted to, so Jasper shifted his position. He pulled his arms free and braced his hands against the bed, pushing his torso up, the muscles in his arms and back bunching. He spread his knees further and started to pound into Jules, his expression full of pleasured concentration. From up there he could watch her too, her face and how her tits bounced with every thrust, and he drank in the sight of her for as long as he could force his eyes to stay open. The pleasure got to be too much for that after a few moments, and Jasper panted and groaned his way to his peak. His breath caught and he drove his cock into her hard a couple of times, then thrust deep and held there as his cock throbbed inside of her. “Oh fuck, fuck,” he breathed, his body shuddering a bit. It felt better than anything else had since the last time they’d been together, and Jasper tried to ride it out for as long as he could.
With her hands gripping his forearms, Jules held on for the ride, panting and moaning the harder Jasper's thrusts became until she felt him swell inside of her. She was still half-drunk and in awe of the pleasure so evident in his face as his body trembled above hers. Bringing one hand to his face, Jules brushed her thumb along his jaw before tugging his face down gently so she could kiss him again. It was still difficult to breathe but she needed that connection right now. Soon everything would relax and cool and Jules didn't know what would happen then if anything. She just wanted to cling to this moment for as long as Jasper would let her. Her chest felt so full of warmth and love and it was something she hadn't experienced in far too long.
Jasper let one elbow drop to the mattress as Jules pulled him down. He was still breathing hard through his nose as their lips pressed together, but she didn’t seem to mind. They were both panting. After a moment Jasper settled his weight against her again, only propped up on his elbows, stealing deeper breaths in between kisses. He was a little sad the sex was over already -- he didn’t know what was supposed to happen now, and Jasper felt vulnerable, like he would be heartbroken if things went sour between them. He couldn’t take that, not tonight. So he stayed where he was, kissing Jules as their bodies cooled down and his dick got softer inside of her. Jasper wanted to stay, he wanted to just roll into spooning her and go to sleep, and he hoped she wanted that too, because he didn’t think he could make himself leave tonight.
Jules's mind was too muddled from beer and sex and varying emotions that she didn't even want to attempt to talk tonight. Anything she felt like saying would just come out incoherent anyway. All she knew was that she wanted him to stay. She had wanted the sex, obviously, but she also wanted to sleep next to him and feel his body pressed against hers all night. That didn't feel like too much to ask. They could worry about the morning when it came. There was a small sliver of fear that he may pull away and get dressed to leave so Jules ran her hands down his back lazily and pressed another kiss to his lips. "Stay," she murmured, just in case he was questioning whether or not she wanted him to.
He was questioning it, and the fact that Jules knew and reassured him she wanted the same thing put a hard lump in Jasper’s throat. He wasn’t feeling bad, not after an orgasm that satisfying, he was just feeling a lot. Talking about it would only fuck everything up though, so he kept his mouth shut -- except to kiss her back -- and nodded slightly. He would probably need to set an alarm so he was out of the house before Jules’s mom woke up, or at least so he could move his car down the street, but he wasn’t worried about any of that at the moment. After just kissing Jules for a little while, he pulled back and gently pulled out of her, moving to settle at her side. Jasper slipped his arm around her body to pull her close against him again, his throat still thick as he buried his nose in her hair and breathed in deep.
Jules didn't care about her mom, or Jasper's car. She just cared that he wanted to stay with her. As soon as he had settled beside her, she scooted in towards him and slipped an arm over his body, tucking her head down beneath his chin. Already she could feel sleep beckoning her. It had been a long night, an emotional one for various reasons, and she just wanted to escape it all for a while while still feeling this good. She could pretend like things were normal again and maybe cling to the tiniest bit of hope that everything would work out.
Falling asleep with Jules in his arms again was bliss, and Jasper drifted off quickly as they lay there and breathed together in the dark. He completely forgot to set an alarm, and only gave one more fleeting thought to his car as he lost consciousness. Oh well, it didn’t seem that important, and his limbs were so comfortably heavy. He slept well, for hours, only slightly waking up once or twice when Jules moved around. Jasper was pretty used to sharing a bed by now, but there was something extra soothing about doing it naked with the girl he was in love with.
When he did fully wake up, it was with a jolt that sent his heart racing, and Jasper sat up in Jules’s bed, squinting against the morning light coming in through the window. “Fuck,” he muttered, his voice full of rust. Jasper rubbed at his face before he looked over at Jules next to him. What time was it? How long had he been sleeping? Shit, Jules’s mom was going to be pissed.
Save for a few odd dreams here and there, Jules slept pretty soundly. Jasper's warmth had been comforting like they were cocooned from the rest of the world. But morning always came and with it, the harsh light of day. Jules could feel Jasper sit up beside her and she squinted her eyes open to look up at him from her pillow. "What is it?" Her own voice was hoarse and there was a dull throb in her temple, probably from getting drunk the night before. But she didn't care. She reached out one hand towards Jasper, wanting to tug him back down with her on the bed. She wasn't ready to let him leave just yet.
“I forgot about my car,” Jasper mumbled as he obeyed Jules’s pulling and flopped back down onto the bed. He snuggled in closer, draping his arm around Jules. “Your mom’s gonna know I’m here.” Maybe she didn’t care. Hopefully she didn’t care, because Jasper wasn’t ready to go sneaking around the house yet. The room was too bright, so he dragged Jules’s comforter up over their heads to create a nice little cave for them. It was close and cozy enough to make him almost forget that they weren’t actually together anymore.
Oh, right. His car. Her mom may freak out, or she may just freak out on Jules after Jasper left. But fuck it, she was eighteen now. She snuggled in closer to Jasper's body, not wanting to say goodbye just yet. "I don't care if she knows," Jules murmured as she turned on her side, facing him. Her own arm slipped around over his side, just so she could touch him some more. It was such a strange feeling, to not know what to say to him. She couldn't do the things she would have done if he was still her boyfriend and it was instinctive to want to grab hold of him and not let him leave again. "I miss you," she said finally, because she was a bit more sober now and while Mr. Lucas might have told him that for her, she wanted him to hear her say it anyway.
It was nice and shadowy under the blanket, but Jasper could still see her well enough, and his heart gave a squeeze as she turned toward him and got comfortable again. She was so beautiful, even barely awake and probably hungover. He let the quiet linger for that moment, not sure what to say to her either. That was part of the problem, wasn’t it? Jasper still didn’t know exactly what he wanted. Being here now, he felt like he should already have it figured out, that he should be ready to get back together now that they’d reconnected on some level, but ... he didn’t feel that. He wasn’t sure what he felt, honestly -- besides a yearning sort of love-lump in his chest -- and he hated that he was probably going to have to admit that. “I miss you too,” he murmured back, because it was very true. He hoped she believed him. It was all just more complicated than that.
She believed that Jasper missed her, even though she had been doubting it since they broke up. But even if she had been clinging to some hope that things would be okay now, she could somehow tell that this didn't mean he wanted her back. At least not right now. And wasn't that the thing that had been tripping her up since they broke up? Jules had no idea where she stood or what he wanted from her. "But you're still trying to figure things out," Jules murmured. Yes, it was painful, but it wasn't like she could cry or give him some kind of ultimatum. She didn't want to do that. "And it's fine if you are, Jasper. I just... feel stuck. You said you didn't want to lose me, but you don't want to be with me either. I don't know what I am anymore, or what I can do, or not do." She stopped herself and swallowed hard, not wanting to unload on him. But maybe she just needed closure so she could pull herself out of this dark hole she had fallen into.
Jasper’s brow furrowed and his throat felt a little tight all of the sudden. He could be a true asshole sometimes, he knew that, but he didn’t like hurting the people he cared about. And that seemed to be all he could do these days, hurt people. He felt the pull of that thought spiral, trying to tug him down into abject misery again. He’d felt good the night before, being with Jules again, but good feelings never lasted, did they? “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you ... you didn’t want to be with me, if I wanted someone else,” he pointed out quietly. “Even if that want is like ... confusing as fuck to me and makes me feel fucked up about myself and my manhood and my whole family and shit I can’t even describe. On top of everything else, the nightmares, the anxiety, the mood swings, flashbacks, and some ... new shit you don’t even know about yet.” He sighed and moved a hand up to rub at one eye. They were talking about her, not him, and he tried to refocus. “You’re Jules, and I love you. That hasn’t changed. You can do or not do whatever you want, I just ... can’t give you what you need right now. And I dunno what’s better -- hurting you because we’re together, or hurting you because we’re apart. I feel stuck too.”
Jules didn't know how to explain to Jasper that it would be difficult to be happy when she knew he was lusting after someone else. Would he be okay with it if Jules admitted to that? She didn't know and honestly, she didn't think she wanted to. The more he spoke the more Jules realized she just needed to swallow down the things she wanted to say and let him go. He was clearly dealing with a lot and she wasn't helping. She didn't even know if he wanted her help and it wasn't fair for Jules to pile her issues on top of him too. They weren't together anymore, anyway. He wasn't her boyfriend. Whatever she hoped would happen this morning wasn't going to happen and maybe that was what she needed to know. Jules swallowed hard to try and keep her voice even when she spoke again. "I don't want you to feel stuck. At least, not because of me. I can let you go." It was a difficult thing to say and her throat constricted with emotion before she continued. "I'll always be here for you if you want to talk, or just say hi or something."
He stared at her in their dim little cave, enough tension in his forehead to be painful. She could let him go? What did that mean? Like there was no chance they would get back together? Jasper’s heart started to pick up speed as anxiety bloomed bright in his chest. “Is that what you want?” he asked. He couldn’t stop his voice from cracking. “To let go of us? You don’t want me back ever?” Part of Jasper was absolutely sure that was what Jules was saying. And she was absolutely right. Why would she want him back? He’d started out broken, and he’d only gotten worse over time. Nobody should want him now, nobody in their right minds anyway. Once she got over this, Jules would be so much better off without him. That was what his brain told him, anyway. He wanted to pull away, to get up and go, because he probably shouldn’t have shown up in the first place, but he felt frozen.
The emotion in his voice nearly broke her and Jules immediately brought her hand up to his cheek even as his words startled her. "No," she said, not quite able to fathom the idea of never wanting him back. "That's not what I mean, Jasper. Of course I want you. I want us. I just meant... I don't want you to worry about me. Or have the idea of me holding you back from what you want." So much of this was complicated and confusing and Jules wished she knew exactly what to say to make him understand what she was feeling. It was like everything she said came out wrong. But Jules had never had to have this kind of conversation before and she didn't quite know how to make it all right for the both of them. Her thumb brushed along his jaw. "If I've learned anything in the last two weeks, it's that everything sucks without you. And... if you want me to, I'll wait... until you're ready."
It was kind of amazing how quickly he could get overwhelmed with emotion these days. Jasper thought he should probably be reassured and comforted by Jules’s words and soft touch ... and he was, on some level. But his body had already shifted into being upset, and the hard lump in his throat that seemed to come from nowhere dissolved into tears before he could swallow it all back. He shifted in closer and adjusted his position until he could press his hot face into her chest, his arm slipping around her hip to cling to her. He just needed to feel her skin against his, have the softness of her breasts against his jaw and neck. Jasper tried to breathe normally through his constricted throat, but it was hard. “Everything ... sucked already, but it sucks more without you too,” he mumbled, hoping the words were clear enough to her. “I don’t ... I need to know you’re there, to like ... have you as my goal. To be -- to be good en-- to get my shit together enough, you know? Or else I’ll just ...” Jasper swallowed hard. What word was he looking for? Crumble? Implode? Self-destruct? All of the above. “I need you,” he whispered. “Please don’t give up on me.”
Jules slid her hand against the back of Jasper's head when he pressed his face against her chest. As much as she didn't want to see him upset, it was still something of a relief to hear that he seemed to miss her as much as she had missed him. That he still needed her. Would that make it easier to wait? Doubts still lingered in the back of her mind, deep-seated insecurities whispering that she would wait and he would move on. "I need you too," Jules murmured, pressing her lips against the top of his head. "Just... I'm scared you won't, after awhile. What if you find someone else? Or want something else. You don't feel good enough for me, but what if I'm not good enough for you, and you finally realize it?" Maybe it was selfish of her to feel that way, but how could she not? They had been together for so long in her mind and now things were fragile and she couldn't help but think it was because of her. She wasn't a guy and she was responsible for so much of his trauma. What if he realized he couldn't forgive her for any of it?
The idea of Jules not being good enough for him was laughable to Jasper. Maybe that ought to tell him something about his perception of himself, but it didn’t. Even though he’d needed this break to try and get his head on straight, he’d still thought of Jules and missed her every day. He had complicated feelings about what she’d done to all of them, but none of them made him feel like she was a bad person. He knew she’d just done what she had to do, and she’d saved a lot of lives by doing it. Could Jasper have made that sacrifice, if their roles were reversed? He didn’t think so. Jules was more smart and brave and classy than he was, in every way, how could she think he would ‘realize’ anything bad about her? He shook his head against her chest and was quiet for a moment as he tried to gather words. “I don’t ... think there’s anybody else for me to find,” he murmured. “You’re the only one I want to be with. This thing with Logan, it’s ... not the same, at all. And I don't trust anybody else. But I get it, I’m scared you’ll move on, too ... like, fall in love with Ethan maybe.” The last part came out in a bit of a grumble, Jasper didn’t even like saying his name.
Jules swallowed, wishing she could tell him that if he wanted to be with her, then he should be with her. But she knew it was so much more complex than that and it wasn't fair of her to push him through this self-discovery before he was ready, just because she missed him. Jules wasn't sure what this thing with Logan was but it did make her feel a tiny bit better to hear Jasper say it wasn't the same as his love for her. She just hoped it didn't turn out to be better. She sighed softly at Ethan's name and Jules nuzzled the top of his head again. "Ethan's my friend," she murmured. "I love him but I'm not in love with him. You're the only one I want, Jasper. I need you to believe that."
Similarly, Jasper wanted to tell her that he needed her to believe that too. But that wasn’t exactly a fair thing to say when he was the one wanting to experiment with someone else. It was all so hard to talk about and explain properly. The things he felt with Logan seemed so completely different than what he felt with Jules ... still powerful, but far more confusing. It was a different kind of attraction, tangled up with love and trust and loyalty to his best friend. He didn’t know how to tell her he wanted both in his life right now. It made his stomach drop a little to even hear Jules say she loved Ethan at all, but he couldn’t bitch about that either without being a huge hypocrite. “We just gotta trust in each other,” he mumbled after another long pause. “It’ll get better, then we can ... start again.”
Jules wondered what he would say if she told him she wanted to have sex with Ethan. She knew it probably wasn't the same as whatever was going on with Logan, but on some level, it was... at least to Jules. Would he be okay with sharing her, if that's what she wanted to do while he was doing what he needed? It wasn't something she wanted or planned on doing, so Jules resisted bringing up that particular hypothetical. She didn't want to start an argument but it was difficult to explain how all of this made her feel. In the end she supposed it didn't really matter. She needed to be patient and let Jasper figure this out without any pressure on her part. That was hard too. "You know it drives me crazy though, right?" she murmured. "Just like... even thinking about you with someone else."
The thought of Jules fucking another guy made Jasper feel sick and angry, so he could sympathize with her to some degree. But if Jules had come to him and said she wanted to explore some attraction she had to other girls, he didn’t think he would feel the same. For one, that was hot. For two ... it was different. A girl couldn’t give Jules what Jasper could, and vice versa. That didn’t mean what he had to offer was less, just not the same. Fuck, maybe he was just being greedy. Guilt lanced through him again and his arm tightened around her a bit. “I’m sorry,” he murmured thickly. Jasper didn’t know what else to say. He’d already tried to promise her that he wouldn’t do anything about it, but she’d still wanted to separate. He couldn’t change the way she felt, any more than the other way around. It all made him want to freeze up and just let someone else tell him how to handle it, because he obviously wasn’t getting it right. “What do you want me to do?”
It would be too easy to tell him to just be with her and forget everyone else. But that was what she wanted and Jules already knew there was no way they would last if she actually asked him to do that. "You don't have to be sorry, it's just how I feel," Jules said after a moment. "And I know you need this. I just... it's hard to be without you. And I'm not trying to make you feel bad about it or anything. That's not what I want." She paused, her lips twitching as she tightened her arm over him. "You know I'm a little possessive and everything. Even though we're not, like... together, it still feels like you're mine. It's just something I've got to like, work out on my own, I think. Does that make sense?"
Jasper felt bad about it even if Jules didn’t want him to. But then again, he felt bad for a lot of shit these days, so that was nothing new. If he didn’t feel like such crap, he would’ve smiled at the fact that neither of them wanted the other one to feel bad about what was going on. This was so unlike any other breakup Jasper had ever had, he agreed that it didn’t even feel like one. Sometimes it felt like something even worse. “Yeah,” he murmured, all of his words coming slowly now. Jasper just wanted to close his eyes and check out of consciousness again for a few hours. He could feel Jules’s heart beating against his face, and he didn’t want to be aware of anything but that. “It’s hard for me too. I’m not like ... running around having a great time. And I still feel like yours.” That seemed unavoidable, since they were in love and all. Maybe she wouldn’t understand how he could sleep with anybody else while he felt that way, but Jasper didn’t know how to explain the separation between the physical and the emotional in his mind.
While Jasper might have been able to separate physical and emotional feelings, Jules couldn't. She had been able to before, of course, but falling in love had somehow merged those two things together in her mind. Even if she was physically attracted to someone else, she couldn't imagine sleeping with them, or wanting to, and then expecting Jasper to be okay with it. Maybe he would be okay with it... she didn't know and still, she was too scared to ask. She held him for a few moments, closing her eyes and enjoying this little cocoon they had found themselves in. He would leave soon and she wasn't sure when she would see him again, so Jules just wanted to stretch this out for as long as he would let her. "Just... make sure when you know, you know," she said quietly. "Because I can't... I don't want to share you again, okay? I don't think I'm the kind of person who can do that."
For a minute he thought she might not say anything else, but when Jules spoke again he tried to let the weight of what she was saying sink in. When they got back together, if it ended up being for life ... there would be no more Logan. No more experimenting. Everything was still so messy inside of Jasper, but when it all settled, if he still had desires for other guys, he would have to bury that part of himself, pretend it had never existed. He was sure Jules wouldn’t want to talk about it with him, so it would just have to die. Maybe that was for the best, but it certainly felt like it put a time limit on things. This was his only chance to explore his sexuality, so he ought to take advantage of it, right? He at least ought to try it when he wasn’t completely wasted. He needed to know, like Jules was asking. “Okay Jules,” he answered softly. “I’ll be sure.”
Jules had no idea if he would ever be sure. Maybe she would be waiting for him for a long time... or maybe he would be sure enough that he would cut her loose. She didn't know why she was so scared that he would never come back to her. Maybe it was because of Sebastian and how he broke up with her. Maybe it was because she still felt abnormal. Talking to Greg, hearing how he had been scared of her. It was possible it had fucked with her more than she had thought. Being less drunk now, it was certainly in the forefront of her mind. She wasn't Jules Cooper anymore. At least not the Jules that Jasper had wanted last year. Jasper would have been the one she talked to about it, who would listen and make her feel better because she had lied when she told Greg she wasn't scared. She was scared. And Jasper had so much going on in his own life and in his own head. How selfish would it be of her to unload her own fears on him? Jules brushed her hand against the back of his head again and swallowed, closing her eyes again to try and push everything down for the time being.