rageandruin (rageandruin) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2021-06-27 19:43:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | #june 2018, aaron, aaron x caden, caden |
Who: Caden and Aaron
When: midday, Saturday, June 16th
Where: The Back Porch
Status: Complete
Aaron hadn’t gotten a ton of sleep the night before, and it was hard to drag himself out of bed before eleven on Saturday so he could go to the bar. He would’ve tried to skip it, but he didn’t know if Caden would show up to open the bar. Aaron had asked Gavin if he could have the evening off, to have dinner out with Mila, Adrian, and Kat. So he was kind of obligated to show up earlier in the day. He wasn’t looking forward to it though, whether Caden came or not. If he did, Aaron was sure they would have words at the very least. If he didn’t ... well, Aaron was tired and feeling a bit cranky himself.
He picked up some coffee at Joyland before driving the rest of the way to the bar, hoping the sugar and caffeine would help with his headache. Aaron hadn’t drank more than a couple of beers after they’d gotten home from Caden and Roxy’s place -- well, just Caden’s place, now. It was all the lifting and moving that had worn him out. And the tension from being so on guard for trouble. But it had been worth it, he hoped. He knew his brother wouldn’t be happy with him, but there hadn’t been much of a way around that.
Aaron found he was the first one to the bar, so he started up the opening duties, wondering vaguely if it would be just him until Miles was scheduled to come in.
Caden was tired too. And cranky. He hadn't slept much after Roxy left and eventually gave in to drinking enough to pass out. It worked but he had still woken up feeling like shit. And running late to open the bar. It was strange to wake up to an empty bed. To get dressed and brush his teeth without any of Roxy's stuff around. It was sobering. But there was another emotion simmering deep down, one he couldn't quite pinpoint. Relief, maybe? Relief that he wouldn't disappoint Roxy anymore, or hurt her. Some part of him really wished he could have given her what she clearly needed from him, but maybe he was too broken. Caden was not one to overanalyze his behaviors or his past. He just wanted to ignore it all. Needed to, if he wanted to be able to get through the day.
When he drove to the bar, he saw Aaron's truck was already there. He had nearly forgotten that his brother had been a part of all this. It had him wondering if Roxy was at Aaron's house now and his fingers tightened on the steering wheel before he forced himself to park and go inside the bar. Shrugging out of his jacket once he was inside, Caden hung it up and walked to the door that led behind the bar. Aaron was there and it took every ounce of willpower not to grab the nearest liquor bottle and break it over his brother's head.
Instead, Caden leaned back against the bar top and folded his arms against his chest. "You look like shit," he told Aaron calmly. "Didn't get enough sleep?"
Aaron glanced over when he heard someone approaching, but didn’t look for long, counting out change to put in the till. Once he was done with the ones, he slid the drawer shut and turned to face his brother. Aaron braced a hand against the edge of the counter and leaned a bit too, though he felt more tense than casual. “Yeah, it was a late night,” he said. Caden also looked like shit, but Aaron was sure he knew that already. He wasn’t sure if he ought to even ask how Caden was holding up, or start apologizing, or just take the licks he probably had coming to him. “Are you pissed at me?” he found himself asking instead, his brow furrowing a bit. “I’m sorry dude, I really wanted to tell you.”
“But you didn’t tell me,” Caden said, perfectly fine with bypassing the bullshit niceties. “So yeah, I’m pretty pissed at you, Aaron. I get it that Mila’s got you locked down but I’m your fucking brother. It felt like I walked into some kind of fucking ambush. All her shit is gone and she’s sitting there looking at me like she ran over my goddamn dog or something.” His voice had raised as the anger simmered to the surface. It had always been easier to be angry than anything else and his family always seemed to give him reasons to indulge in it. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”
He thought calling it an ambush was a little dramatic, but Aaron hadn’t been in the room, and maybe it was impossible to get dumped without it feeling dramatic. Nobody liked to be surprised with bad news. “Because Mila directly asked me not to,” Aaron said. He couldn’t help sounding a little defensive against Caden’s tone, but he was trying to keep it lowkey. “And yeah you’re my brother and I love you, but she’s carrying my child right now, I’m doin’ my best not to upset her.” Aaron was sure that Caden would find that answer unacceptable, but it was true. There were darker reasons for going along with the girls’ plan, mostly that he agreed Caden could turn dangerous if he was given enough time to stew. “It was gonna turn out the same anyway.”
"If it was gonna turn out the same anyway, then I don't see any reason why you and Mila decided you wanted to keep it from me." And maybe he was more angry with Roxy for sneaking her shit out while he was working but what could he do about that now? Caden brushed those feelings aside for the time being, instead staying focused on his brother. There was a part of him that needed to stay angry at Aaron, because anger had always been the easiest emotion for him to handle. He supposed he could thank Joseph for that. "I really hope you're not gonna become one of those guys who just does whatever his woman tells him to do."
Aaron frowned at his brother, his jaw clenching a bit. Caden couldn’t see any reason, really? That sounded like bullshit to Aaron. The indication that he might be pussy whipped or something was irritating, but it more pissed him off that Caden seemed to want to take his anger out on him, like he’d talked Roxy into it all or some shit. Aaron stood up straighter. “I’m gonna turn into a happily married man, you know why? Because Mila’s never gonna feel how Roxy felt. She’s fuckin’ scared of you, man, that’s why she wanted to get it done while you were gone. She didn’t wanna give you the chance to kick her ass one final time.” He was sure these were facts that Caden knew but probably didn’t want to face. It was easier to blame others, it always had been, for all of them.
Caden nodded, his arms still crossed against his chest. "Yeah. Poor Roxy, right? Because she never hit me, you know? She never lost her temper with me. She's the weepy victim in all of this and I'm the asshole. It's a narrative that works for her, I guess. Mila's fallen for it. So have you, apparently. Or you just believe whatever Mila tells you." He shrugged. "I'm fine with that now. It'll be what Roxy tells everyone. That she was the shrinking, beaten down woman. That's our story now. Not much else I can do about that. But at least I'm not gonna be the one who gets to tell people my wife tried to kill me and nearly did. That's your story. I'm glad you're happy now, Aaron, but you'd be a fucking liar if you told me right now you didn't still have nightmares about it, or that you didn't still feel pain from that knife slicing into you. How quick you people are to throw stones when you're as fucked up as I am."
It was a fight not to roll his eyes. Sure, maybe Roxy hit back sometimes, or even hit first, Aaron didn’t know, nor did he care. He knew for a fact that Caden was much stronger than Roxy, stronger than most women they would come across, and he’d never seen Caden walking around with a black eye from her. Besides, from what Mila said, Roxy had her reasons to leave him beyond the violence anyway. It didn’t matter in the end. The reminder about being stabbed made Aaron’s back tense up, but he knew Caden was deflecting and trying to rile him, so he tried not to be riled. “Nobody’s throwing stones, Caden. I’m just telling you why it went down like it did. And of course I still have fuckin’ nightmares,” Aaron said with a humorless laugh. “But that’s not our whole story, ‘cause that wasn’t Mila. I have nightmares about the thing that made her fucked up, but it’s gone now. But you wanna know the difference between you and me? I never wanted to hurt her back. Even when the knife went in. ‘Cause that’s what Joseph would do, and I’ll die before I act like him. Something you oughta think about more.”
Caden was silent for a while as he let Aaron's words sink in. He already knew he was more like their dad than he wanted to admit. Maybe if he had been born third, or last, he could have avoided the shithole that was his life now. Maybe he'd want different things or be long gone from this town. But it was stupid to think about that shit. Nothing could be changed now. "Yeah, maybe you're right," Caden said finally. He reached up to rub one hand over his face wearily. "You already told me once you figured I'd be the one to kill dad. 'Cause I'm a violent asshole. Just like him." It was probably, no it was definitely, better that Roxy get out now, right? Maybe it was only a matter of time before Caden put someone in the ground. He already knew how to bury a body. Reaching over, Caden plucked a bottle of the hard liquor from the back shelf before saluting Aaron with it and moving toward the door leading into the back. "Thanks for the chat, little brother."
Aaron’s brows rose when Caden said he might be right -- he’d been mentally prepping to get punched, and that was exactly the opposite. Caden never said he was right about anything. That worried Aaron more than the rest of the conversation, and he was frowning by the time Caden reached for a bottle. He felt bad suddenly, like he’d said something out of line, but was any of it inaccurate? Aaron didn’t think so. Still, Caden looked kind of defeated, and that was different from his usual glower at the world. “Hey,” Aaron said, following Caden. “Listen man, I’m on your side, okay? In general. I did it for Mila, not Roxy. I love you even when you’re an asshole. Me and you, what we had to, y’know, do ... we’re bonded. I’m here for you.” Now he might get punched, or at least brushed off, but Aaron wanted to say it all anyway, in case it sunk into Caden’s thick skull somewhere.
Caden really did want to punch Aaron. Not because of what he was saying but because he just wanted to punch something to feel better. It was difficult to admit that, even to himself. Drinking it all away was the only thing that he knew worked better than violence. In the back room, Caden paused, his chest tightening at the reminder that he and Aaron had buried their dad. He knew Gavin knew Joseph was dead now, even if he had been lied to about how it happened. As much as he did want to blow it all off, he knew Aaron was right. "Yeah," he muttered finally before looking over at Aaron warily. "Is that the truth? Or do you gotta get Mila's permission first? You gonna uninvite me to the wedding if Roxy doesn't want me there? You gotta draw the line somewhere, Aaron."
“Fuck no,” Aaron said immediately, his tone a little incredulous. “You’re my brother, I want you at my wedding. You’re blood, she’s not. If she doesn’t wanna see you, she can stay home. And if you don’t wanna see her, she won’t be there, swear to God.” Mila wouldn’t be super happy with it, but Aaron couldn’t imagine her fighting him on that point. Mila and Roxy might have been friends for years, but Caden was his brother, and Mila knew how important his family was to him, dysfunctional or not. Even though his brothers weren’t exactly enthusiastic about Aaron getting married, he still wanted them both to be there. Ideally, Caden and Roxy could both come and be civil and hopefully ignore each other the whole time. They at least had a month or so to settle down. “Charlie could take over as like, main bridesmaid or whatever,” he added as it popped into his head.
He said it now but Caden wasn't so sure Aaron could stick to that promise if Mila dug her heels in hard enough. Ultimately it didn't really matter. The wedding wasn't until July and hell, who knew what would happen between now and then. His lips twitched when Aaron mentioned Charlie. "Maid of honor, man. C'mon, even I know that. Look, just leave it be for now. Believe it or not, I don't wanna ruin that day for you. I may just have to get really drunk first." He still wanted to leave with the bottle in his hand. Ditch town for a few days, turn off his phone, and do whatever the fuck he felt like. "How long is she staying with you?" he asked after a moment of deliberation. "Does she already have a place?"
Oh yeah, maid of honor. There were so many special wedding terms for things, he couldn’t remember them all, especially the ones that didn’t have anything to do with the groom. Aaron had his best man lined up, that was all he needed to contribute to the wedding party, he was pretty sure. He believed Caden when he said he didn’t want to ruin anything, but Aaron wasn’t sure that being wasted ahead of time would prevent that. They did have a while to go though, maybe Caden would be over it by then. He’d always seemed like the toughest among them, after all, the most resilient. Aaron’s brows raised at the questions about Roxy and he shrugged. “Not yet, I don’t think,” he said. “She said it wouldn’t be long, but I dunno. She don’t really talk to me. I hope that’s true though, ‘cause we’ve already got Adrian with us, it’s getting crowded.”
Caden couldn't help but wonder where Roxy would go, or who she would end up living with. She didn't make a lot of money. Not enough to live on her own anyway. And he was confident that she wouldn't be coming back to the bar to work. He nearly forgot about Adrian living with Aaron and Mila and that made him even more uncomfortable. "Mila's not going to tell me shit," Caden said with a sigh. "But... if you can, will you just... keep me updated? About Roxy, I mean. If she's okay or needs something." He'd be shit at helping her now, just like he was when they were together but he sure as shit didn't want to see her homeless or anything like that. Maybe she had been saving up money for a while now and would be okay. For all Caden knew, this had been in the works for months and she finally felt ready to just pull the trigger.
Aaron knew for a fact that Roxy wasn’t coming back to the bar, which made him worry about how long she would end up staying with them. Mila had mentioned that they were going job hunting for her as soon as possible, but that wasn’t always a guaranteed success, especially in a small ass town like this. He just hoped Roxy had a plan and wouldn’t linger too long. Caden’s request gave him a sad pang in the chest, and he looked briefly pained. The last thing his brother would want was to be pitied though, so Aaron smoothed his expression out. “Yeah man, I will,” he said with a nod. The girls might not like it, but they could get over it. Caden would find out anyway, it was hard to keep secrets like that in this town. Aaron’s eyes ticked down to the bottle in his brother’s hand. “And if you wanna take some time off, y’know ... I’ll cover for you.”
Caden appreciated that Aaron didn't try to be too sympathetic about all of this. At least not outwardly. It would have probably pissed him off all over again. "Thanks," he mumbled. Caden lifted his bottle. "I'm gonna take off. At least for today. Call Gavin in if you need help?" Miles would be there soon, and Jocelyn, so he figured Aaron would be fine. Caden wasn't sure if he was just going to go back home and drink or maybe just drive for a while and see where he ended up. It would be better than staying here and getting angry.
“Yeah, we got it, don’t worry,” Aaron told him. He gave Caden’s upper arm a clap and a little squeeze, then turned to head back to the front of the bar. If it had been him, if Mila had packed her stuff and left him abruptly, Aaron knew he would be a complete mess. He would need hugs and reassurances and comfort, so part of him wanted to lavish all of that onto Caden. But he knew his brother well enough to know Caden wouldn’t want those things, even if he did need them deep down. Aaron wanted to help him somehow, but he was at a loss and all he could think to do was give Caden space, honor his request to stay informed, and hope for the best.