you're dancing with a dead man's bones (edgeofmybreath) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2021-06-21 08:30:00 |
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Entry tags: | #june 2018, roxy, roxy x spence, spence |
Who: Spence and Roxy
When: late night, Friday, June 15th
Where: Spence’s house
Status: Complete
Roxy had intended to just drive around. Maybe that wasn’t the smartest thing to do in Point Pleasant late at night, but it wasn’t like she hadn’t done it before, and she hadn’t planned on getting out of the car. She just needed the windows down for fresh air and the music loud so she could wrap her brain around what had just happened. She’d left Caden. She had really done it. She was single again for the first time in years, and it didn’t feel real yet. It felt more like they were just having a fight and separated for a little while or ... something. Only it hadn’t been a fight at all, had it? Caden hadn’t argued, hadn’t fought with her, hadn’t fought for her. For them. What did that mean? How was she supposed to take that? Should she be relieved that it hadn’t escalated to violence like so many of their other fights? Should she be sad and insulted that he’d only wanted his ring and his key and for her to get the fuck out? Would he find her later and want to fight then? Or was it really over?
She was paying more attention to her thoughts than the road, driving on auto-pilot for a while, and eventually Roxy found herself pulling up to a familiar house. It was Spence’s. The one that he’d more or less offered her, along with himself. Roxy told herself that she hadn’t meant to go there, she needed time to process, she needed to be alone ... but did she really? She was acting impulsively and she knew it, but Roxy pulled her car into the driveway and cut the engine. It was late, but there were still a couple of lights on in the house, so she thought Spence was probably awake. She sat there for a few long moments, trying to remember to breathe while she struggled with herself.
Finally, she got out of the car and walked up to the porch steps. Swallowing hard, she rang the doorbell. Then immediately glanced over her shoulder like Caden might be standing there. He wasn’t, of course, but Roxy wondered if she would be looking behind her for a while now.
Spence was awake and definitely not expecting company. Certainly not Roxy. He was considering going to bed when the doorbell rang and for a moment, Spence stared at the front door, trying to wrap his mind around who might be there. No one had texted him that they were headed over and for a split second, he feared it may be the cops, coming to tell him something horrible had happened to someone in his family. After talking himself down from the anxiety-riddled edge, Spence put down his joint and wiped his hands on his thighs before crossing the room to the front door.
The surprise on his face was probably pretty evident and Spence blinked a couple of times before he smiled at Roxy. "Hey. Uh, come on in." He stepped back quickly so she could step inside. "Is everything okay?"
The instant she saw the shock on his face, Roxy remembered how late it was. Still, she slipped through the door and moved so Spence could close it behind her, some paranoia still tickling the back of her neck. “Hey,” she started, sounding a tiny bit breathless, her words rushed. “Um, I’m so sorry it’s so late, I should’ve called first, but I -- I was just driving and I didn’t plan to come here, but then I was here, and, um ... I did it.” She’d left her purse in the car, but she was wringing her keychains and keys in both hands, staring at him with a mixture of emotions on her face. “I did it, Spence, I left Caden.” There, that was probably more clear. Saying it out loud felt so surreal, and stupid tears instantly flooded her eyes again. Fuck. The last thing Roxy wanted to do was cry on Spence’s shoulder about any of this. Why was she there again? She shook her head at herself and swiped impatiently at her eyes.
Spence shut the door slowly, watching Roxy as she rambled. He was about to interrupt to tell her that it was okay that she showed up, but then she told him she left Caden and he completely forgot what words were. At least for a moment. Because she was crying and he felt like it was more important to comfort her than to ask questions. So he pulled her into a hug, aware that it had probably been stressful and difficult. He hadn't had the kind of volatile relationship with Molly that Roxy had had with Caden, but breaking off their engagement had been one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. Asking if she was okay seemed silly, since she was clearly not okay. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
The hug and sympathy took Roxy off-guard a bit, but it only took a second for her to wrap her arms around Spence’s waist in return. She tucked her hot face in against his shoulder and let some of the tears come. Roxy didn’t bawl, she’d gotten good at controlling the intensity of her crying over the years, but it did feel good to have some physical support while she let some of that pressure off. When was the last time Caden had held her while she cried? He usually got pissed off about it instead. Now he would never have to suffer through her tears again, and it felt like a relief to Roxy. After a few moments she pulled back enough to wipe at her cheeks, but kept her body close to Spence’s. “I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely. “It’s good, it’s a good thing, I just ... I just came from there and everything’s just raw.”
"Yeah, I can imagine." He loosened his grip on her, just so she wouldn't feel trapped or anything like that. He might not have liked Caden Lucas, but he could appreciate the emotions Roxy was feeling. It would probably be a while before she was able to find any real closure from the relationship and he understood that as well. Spence raised a brow. "Do you want to sit? Or a drink? Both?" Spence had never been very good with other people's emotions. Not that they made him uncomfortable, but he always felt a little helpless, like he didn't know the best way to cheer them up. He certainly didn't want to make it worse for her.
Roxy was very accustomed to her emotions being neglected completely, so she didn’t even pick up on any awkwardness from Spence. It wasn’t really his job to make her feel better about a decision she probably should’ve made years ago, but she was grateful for the offer. Roxy nodded and gave him a watery little smile. “Both would be great, yeah,” she answered. Maybe it was stupid of her to be there -- she hadn’t even been single for a full two hours yet and she was at the man’s house who’d been part of her motivation to break off a long term relationship. Maybe she should just be leaning on her friends instead, but Roxy didn’t want to. She wanted Spence to know she’d been serious this time, that she’d followed through.
Spence left Roxy to get comfortable. When he returned, he brought both a glass of scotch and a bottle of water, just in case she preferred one over the other. Sitting down beside her, Spence was careful to give her some space. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" Maybe it was weird of him to ask, but he knew from experience that sometimes having an ear to listen helped a lot. He might not be able to give her a lot of helpful advice, but Spence wanted her to know she could lean on him if she wanted to, even if it was about breaking up with a boyfriend.
She sat down on the couch and used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe her face a bit while Spence was gone. Where was her purse? She must have left it in the car, damn. Roxy accepted the scotch with a murmured ‘thanks’ and immediately took a swallow of it. It burned on the way down, but in a good, grounding way. The question gave her mixed feelings -- on one hand she very much did want to talk about it, on the other she wanted to just wave it away and let it go. Roxy knew that wasn’t how it worked, she’d just upended her life, she couldn’t just avoid that. She didn’t know if Spence was the right person to talk to about any of it, but he was there, so she tried to stop questioning that. “There wasn’t ... not much actually happened,” Roxy told him after another sip of alcohol. “It was sort of anti-climactic ... I don’t know if that’s good or not. Aaron and Mila helped me all day, getting my stuff packed and out. Caden came home from the bar, I told him it was time we went our separate ways, gave him the ring back and my key ... and that was really it. He hardly had anything to say to me.”
From what Spence knew about Caden Lucas, that sounded about right. That or he would have put Roxy in the hospital. "I mean... from an outsider's point of view, that sounds like a good thing, but..." He clasped his hands loosely together between his knees, studying Roxy thoughtfully. "Is there something you'd hoped he'd say?" Maybe Roxy wanted him to beg for her to stay. Maybe she wanted him to acknowledge that he would miss her, or that he loved her. Maybe Roxy just wanted to hear Caden say goodbye. It was a little difficult to really "counsel" Roxy on her break up when he had wanted it to happen. But Spence didn't want to sit there and badmouth Caden for his own selfish purposes.
That was the question she kept asking herself, and hearing it from someone else just drove home that it had been foolish of her to expect anything. Sure, the precautions against violence she’d taken had probably been smart. But Caden wasn’t ever going to fall to his knees to beg her forgiveness, or say he couldn’t live without her, or even tell her how much he truly loved her. Even if he felt an inkling of any of those things, he couldn’t even express his normal everyday emotions -- except anger, of course. She’d wanted him to be vulnerable and open with her throughout their entire relationship and he’d refused, so why had she thought the end of it could be any different? Roxy’s bottom lip quivered for a second before she caught it and replaced it with a small, sad smile. “I just wanted it to matter to him,” she murmured. “For me to matter. But it was like ... it was like leaving a roommate. Not even a friendly one. And all those years were just ... wasted.” She felt like she was about to cry again, so she downed the rest of the scotch in one gulp. “I’m such a fucking idiot.”
"You're not an idiot," Spence murmured, wishing he knew exactly the right thing to say to make her feel better. But breakups were hard, and this was a process. He knew Roxy had been with Caden for years. That wasn't something she could sweep under the rug. He rubbed his hands together nervously. "Not to defend the guy, for obvious reasons, but... it's not a-always easy for men to... uh, be vulnerable. Especially when a relationship is ending. Could be he just didn't want to show you how he was really feeling." Spence paused with a mild grimace. "I'm sorry. I'm probably overstepping. I just... there's no way you two were together that long and you didn't matter to him."
“No, you’re probably right,” Roxy murmured with a soft sigh. “That was just ... always part of the problem. Even when we weren’t breaking up he had trouble showing me how he was feeling. Except when I got on his nerves, or he was pissed enough to hit me.” Or he was horny, but Roxy wasn’t going to bring that part up with Spence. Even still, her and Caden’s sex life had tapered off for the past few months into something disconnected and unsatisfying. Hell, maybe for the past year or so. For quite a while, she hadn’t been able to really tell if he wanted her, or she was just a convenient way to get off. A body to masturbate with, to purge the physical need. Roxy wasn’t sure anymore whether she’d really and truly mattered to him or not. Some men just wanted someone to warm their bed and clean up their messes and feed them. They’d had some passionate fights, but Caden fought with everybody. He’d been born fighting and hadn’t stopped, it seemed like. Roxy’s eyes had gone a little glassy as she got lost in those thoughts, but she tried to blink them away, focusing on Spence again. “Sorry, but can I get a refill?” she asked, holding her glass out.
Spence inhaled sharply through his nose, but tried not to let the flare of temper he felt show in his face. He still wished he had punched Caden in the nose. Maybe he would someday. The guy was a violent dick and he hoped that Caden realized someday what a fuck up he really was. He didn't deserve Roxy, that was for sure. Hopefully someday Roxy would realize that too. "Yeah, of course," Spence said, once he was sure he could speak without tipping off the anger he felt, deep inside. He took her glass and stood to refill it. When he returned, he offered it to her with a cocked brow. "Where are you staying now? Mila's?" He didn't want Roxy driving home if she was emotional and drinking.
Roxy was so awash in her own emotions that she didn’t notice any anger in Spence. She wasn’t looking for it either. Plenty of people had punched Caden in his life -- not usually on her behalf, but still -- and it hadn’t done any good, so more punching probably wasn’t the answer. She didn’t know if he would ever come around to being a more well-adjusted person, but she’d meant it when she’d wished him peace. He needed it, whether he knew it or not. She murmured her thanks as she took the fresh drink from Spence, and took another swallow of the scotch. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to drink at the moment, especially something strong, but Roxy didn’t care. She nodded as she swallowed. “Yeah ... for now,” she murmured. Impulsively, Roxy snagged Spence’s hand and tugged at him to sit down again, closer to her this time.
Spence curled his fingers around her hand and sat. He was glad that she had a friend to stay with for now. Obviously, Spence was hoping that eventually she would be ready to move on, but Spence didn't want to rush her. Right now she was emotional and sad and he knew that could last for a while. "You're going to be okay," he murmured, hoping she believed him. "And you know I'll be here if you need anything." Some part of him wanted her to ask him to kick Caden Lucas's ass, because he absolutely would. But more than that, she probably just needed someone around to listen if she needed or wanted to vent, or cry, or any of those things.
There might be angry days ahead while Roxy processed through the past five or six years where she did want Spence to kick Caden’s ass. But it wasn’t tonight. Maybe she would feel differently if Caden had reacted differently, but for now Roxy was indeed just sad. Sad and tired and let down by all of it. But there was relief too, because it was over. No matter what happened next, if Caden lost his shit and tried to find her, or if he caught her out and did hurt her, Roxy had at least gotten the hardest part over with. She was free, even if it was scary. “I know,” she murmured. “And I appreciate it.” Still holding Spence’s hand, Roxy scooted in closer and pulled his arm up to put it around her shoulders. She leaned her head in against him and lifted her glass for another sip. What she felt like she needed at the moment was the warmth of a person she knew cared about her. Roxy was quiet for a moment, then said, “I know you’ll say it’s nothing, don’t worry about it ... but I am sorry to dump all this at your feet. It’s not like ... an ideal romantic reunion.”
Spence chuckled softly, his arm resting easily around her shoulders. "It's really okay. Maybe we can... save the romantic reunion for when you're feeling better. Right now you need to mourn something you lost and I understand." He hoped that didn't make him sound like a pushover or something. Maybe it was fucked up of him to want to comfort a woman with a breakup when he wanted to be with her. But Spence cared about Roxy and he wanted her to be happy. "I want you to know that you can dump anything you want at my feet. I'll be here, you know?"
He didn’t sound like a pushover or fucked up to Roxy. He sounded sweet and supportive, just like he’d always been since coming back to Point Pleasant. At this messy point in her life, she was very grateful for that. She just hoped Spence was right that the things she was sharing with him wouldn’t scare him away. Even if they ended up together sooner rather than later, Roxy knew she had a lot of healing to do, and sometimes that was a bumpy road. “Thank you, Spence. You’re such a sweetheart,” she murmured. “I won’t even know what to do with you.” Except maybe just weep with gratitude that he wanted to be there for her and was so understanding.
Sometimes being a sweetheart could be a bad thing. Spence knew he had his own issues, some Roxy didn't even know about. He wasn't perfect and it scared him that she might think he was. But he could promise her that he would be good to her, which was something he doubted Caden had ever been able to do. "I think you're stronger than you think you are," Spence murmured. "With or without me, you'd pull through this." He paused and then grinned a little, turning his face to press his lips to her hair. "I mean, I kinda hope it's with me, but... no pressure." And he meant that. She needed to heal and find a new path in life and Spence would absolutely be there for her. He just wanted her to know he didn't expect anything to happen overnight. He had waited for her for a long time. He could wait a bit longer.
Roxy knew that nobody was perfect except Jesus, and Spence was far from that. But she couldn’t avoid thinking of everything in contrasts in her current state, and it seemed that everything Spence said and did were the opposites of what Caden would say or do, and it created an undeniably strong pull toward him. And God, the way he kissed her head put a warm tingle in her stomach. The alcohol wasn’t hurting either, and Roxy took another drink before she sat up enough to meet Spence’s eyes. “It needed to end for a lot of reasons,” she said. “But how I feel about you is one of the big ones. And really ... I feel like it was over a long time ago, I just didn’t want to see it. So I need some time to get my head on straight, but ... after that, I want to try. With you. Just ... I know we haven’t been together in a really long time, and normally I wouldn’t rush to move in together, but ... maybe I can take you up on that offer on like, a trial basis? And we can see how it goes. And I can even help out with bills and stuff, once I get a job again ...”
Spence nodded. He had been hoping that was what Roxy wanted but he hadn't wanted to be the one to push for it. Even if she felt the relationship had been over years ago, Spence knew it would be a bad idea to jump into a new relationship so soon. But he was pleased to hear that she did want to be with him again and it made him smile a little. "Yeah, of course. Anything you need. I can get the guest room set up for you, if that's more comfortable for you. If you need storage or anything, I've got that garage out back." More than anything he wanted to make sure she was safe. And maybe a part of him felt like she would be safer here with him than with Mila, especially if Caden decided to be an asshole and harass her. "We don't have to rush into anything," he told her. "But, I'm here for you."
It filled Roxy with relief that Spence suggested her own room himself. It had been in her mind as a possibility, but she didn’t want him to think she was just using him for a place to stay. She also wanted to be sure she felt ready to be a serious girlfriend again before jumping into it. Would it be weird to live together while they were in some gray area between friends and lovers? Somehow Roxy didn’t think so. She felt comfortable with Spence. It wasn’t like either of them would be dating anyone else, and if it turned out that either one of them didn’t feel that spark of More, at least then they would know. Roxy gave him a soft smile, her eyes drifting over his features. “Thank you,” she murmured. “I’m so happy that you are.” She wanted to kiss him again all of the sudden, and the loose warmth from the alcohol wasn’t helping.
Spence felt like it would be a little difficult to have Roxy in the house and not feel tempted to touch her, but he would do it. He wanted her to be comfortable and feel safe here, so he could be patient. Returning her smile, Spence pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Do you feel okay driving home? You can stay the night here if you need to." Yes, he was tempted to kiss her too, but that sort of went against his whole "be patient" mantra. It was strange to think she probably came here directly from her home with Caden. Or what used to be her home. Maybe in time this would be her home and she would be happier.
Roxy just wanted to do what felt natural, and she still didn’t know how she would feel once she was really there, settling in, with this difficult night behind her. She was tempted to take him up on that offer, see if she could talk her way into bed with him, console herself with Spence’s body, but Roxy knew that was likely a bad idea. Not tonight, she wanted their first time back together to be farther away from Caden. Spence deserved better. She wasn’t even really thinking straight, she did need to go home. “I think I’m okay, yeah,” she answered with a little nod. Roxy leaned to set her glass down and wiped around her eyes one more time. “Thank you though. And thanks for like, talking to me. I know it’s late.”
"You're welcome." Spence couldn't help but reach out to push a strand of her hair behind her ear. "And I don't care how late it is, you're always welcome here no matter what is going on." Like Roxy, Spence was incredibly tempted to ask her to stay, but he wanted that to happen on a night that felt right. Not right after she left her fiance. "Can you text me when you get home? Just so I know that you got there safely." The night he heard her screaming in the streets still chilled him and since he had no idea what that had been about, Spence couldn't help but still worry.
She leaned her head into that light touch a tiny bit, and it took real willpower for Roxy not to outright nuzzle his hand. That was a good indication that it really was time to go. “I will,” she promised with a faint smile. Roxy stood up and walked with Spence back to the front door. Maybe someday soon she would walk through that door and not have to leave again at the end of the night. For now she did need to process this breakup and everything it meant for her. Roxy wanted to come back to Spence as the person he deserved -- or at least be on her way there. She paused at the door and turned to him again. Roxy lightly rested her hands on his waist and rose up on her toes to give Spence a soft, chaste kiss. “I’ll see you soon,” she murmured once they’d parted again.
"I hope so," he said, once Roxy had pulled back from his mouth. They had both waited a long time to get back to this place so Spence knew he could wait a little longer. All that really mattered was that Roxy was safe and hopefully in the end she would be much happier than she had been. Because he could, and because he wanted to, Spence pressed another quick kiss to her forehead. Then he opened the door for her with a small smile. "Be safe driving to Mila's, okay?" He had already said it once, but he felt paranoid, like he needed to drive the point home in order for Roxy to get to Mila's in one piece.
Those forehead kisses were so sweet, they made her chest squeeze almost painfully. Roxy smiled back at him and nodded. “I will,” she said again. “And I’ll text you.” She had a feeling they would be texting a lot more now than they had up until now. Roxy didn’t want to rush into anything she wasn’t ready for, but even more than that, she didn’t want to let Spence go. She almost told him she loved him, a mix of habit and yearning and alcohol, but Roxy managed to catch it before it left her lips. She walked outside and headed off the porch, glad that her temporary home wasn’t too far away. She was exhausted.