Jacob Keller (bodyonthetracks) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2021-06-09 20:08:00 |
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Entry tags: | #june 2018, jacob, jacob x sage, sage |
Who: Sage and Jacob
Where: Jacob’s House
When: Wednesday afternoon, June 13
It had only been a few days, but Sage was knocking on Jacob’s door again, desperate for a change of scenery. Being home with his parents was nice--being anywhere other than the fog dimension was nice--but he knew he was driving them as crazy as they were driving him. Before, he’d had an apartment, a job, some semblance of a routine. Now, he had nothing and he didn’t even know how to get things back on track towards normal. He couldn’t work at Dragonfly, not with the way the paranoia set in at night, and even if that wasn’t a problem he didn’t want to go beg Jocelyn’s boyfriend to give him his job back. It’d been long enough that they’d likely filled the position, which meant finding something new. The idea of working at Joyland or the movie theater or even the grocery store just… wasn’t enough. He couldn’t work up the effort to pursue something so bland.
He needed some part of his life back, even just the tiniest bit, which was why he was showing up at Jacob’s house with blue hair dye. His hair might be far shorter than he liked it, but that didn’t mean it had to stay mousey brown. It might limit his job prospects, but Sage had always said he didn’t want to work anywhere that he couldn’t be himself. He’d figure out the job thing eventually. He had bigger problems to deal with anyways.
Jacob was expecting him this time and he was in far better shape than the last time they'd met, not sleep deprived or losing his mind so that was a step up. He was happy Sage was coming over, glad they were spending more time together again, like in the old days, especially when Connor was at work and he felt bored out of his mind - like now. They hadn't talked about that weekend at all, Jacob was scared to bring it up; hoping it had just been a bad dream was easier when Sage didn't confirm it had really happened. Maybe that was how people usually dealt with everything in this town; denial, denial and more denial.
He opened the door when he heard Sage's car pull up, smiling at him as he waited for him to come on in. "You hungry? Thirsty? Antsy and need to blow off some steam?" he asked jovially, pulling Sage into a hug as soon as he was close enough.
Sage grinned, laughing at all the questions. “All of the above?” he said as he hugged Jacob back. “Though it depends on what you mean by blowing off steam.” Some people liked to work out and that was just not him. He did it, because he felt like he should at least attempt to take care of his body, especially when he had the time, but he wasn’t going to do more of it just for fun. “I thought I might talk you into dying my hair,” he said, holding up the bag. “I just wanna do the ends and it’s a pain now that it’s so short.”
Jacob was not the guy who liked working out, dancing maybe but gym stuff was a hard no. He made a vague reference to video games before Sage told him about the hair dye which completely sent him in a new direction, grinning at Sage. "Hell yes! I missed your hair." That had to be a good sign, didn't it? Wanting to go back to fun hair colors might mean Sage was feeling more like himself and Jacob was all for encouraging that. "What color did you bring?" he asked as he yoinked the bag from Sage's hands to eagerly dig through it. "Ooh, blue. I like it." It was still weird to see Sage with such short hair and his natural color too, but it would grow with time.
Dying his hair was an attempt at getting things back to normal, even if they didn’t feel normal at all. Sage had decided on blue because it best matched his mood, but also because it wouldn’t contrast nearly as much with his roots as they grew out. Maybe in a month or two he’d want red, or blonde, but this was a start. “I don’t want it all blue,” he reiterated as he followed Jacob into the house. “Just the tips. It’s the kind that just goes on. I don’t have to bleach it first. But I still don’t want to get it all over everything, you know? What’re you up to? Any new commissions?”
"Just the tip," Jacob repeated to let Sage know he got it. He went through the bag, glad to see everything they needed was already in there. "And nah, been doing linework this morning, just boring stuff. Taking the afternoon off to hang out with you." He hoped this wasn't the kind of color that would end up getting everywhere and be hard to clean up, he'd just have to be careful with it just in case. "Want to start with this?" he asked, gesturing in the general direction of the bathroom. "Get your blues on?"
“Yeah, sure, if you’re not in the middle of something,” Sage said as he followed Jacob to the bathroom. He never messed around with hair dye any place that had easily stainable floors. In fact, if it was him, he’d put a towel down, just in case, but he trusted Jacob could make that decision for himself. He was probably a lot better at handling paint-type materials than Sage was, even if paint wasn’t his normal medium. “So… everything good around here?” he asked. “You okay? All caught up on sleep?” He figured that was the case, just like with everyone else, but they hadn’t talked a lot about what had happened over the weekend and Sage felt like it might be a good place to start.
"Yeah," Jacob replied and grabbed a chair for Sage to sit on before going to find some towels. "Feel like all I've done is sleep since you left. I don't ever want to do that again by the way, shit. I'm glad you were here though." He hadn't really understood why Sage had to leave before dark but Connor had been home shortly after that so he hadn't had to suffer by himself for the rest of that insomnia ladened weekend. Falling asleep had been bliss in a way that made him hope dying would feel the same way when the time came for him to go. "It was a really weird weekend," he said with a lopsided smile, hesitant to ask Sage about what he remembered happening because he didn't really want to know if it had all been real.
“Yeah, that’s just… the way things are now,” Sage said with a soft snort. “Constantly fucked up on some level.” He was used to being the optimistic one, the one who saw the light at the end of the tunnel no matter how far off it seemed, but since getting stuck in the fog world that had become practically impossible to maintain. They’d made it out, yes, but only after months of living in ceaseless terror. It felt like he’d brought a ghost back with him, haunting him even when things should be fine. It made him realize how not fine everything really was. “At least now that I’ve had some sleep, things don’t feel quite as terrifying.”
"Yeah, same," Jacob agreed and draped a towel over Sage's shoulders before leaning down and hugging him tightly from behind. "You need a vacation," he mumbled, not letting go for a few seconds and on some level maybe he hoped he could hug some of that darkness out of Sage. "We should do karaoke again soon, it was so fun last time." Something about both the Electric Orchestra and Dragonfly always had soothing effects on Jacob but he had a feeling Sage might not be too excited about hanging out at his former place of employment.
“A vacation would be nice,” Sage agreed, sinking back into the hug. He was tempted to close his eyes and relax a little, but he didn’t want to freak Jacob out again, at least not without some warning. “I don’t know where I’d go. I don’t have any money. But some place different would be nice.” He had the feeling he’d always be pulled back to Point Pleasant, but he knew he could get away for a weekend. He just wasn’t sure how to make it happen. Plus, he didn’t really want to do it by himself. He could drag his friends with him, but he had the feeling they’d rather spend their time with their significant others. “We could do karaoke again,” he said with a little smile. “Maybe Friday night?”
"Not Friday," Jacob murmured and the next words out of his mouth were deliberately slow and halted to show that he knew just how out of character this was for him. "I'm going to a cocktail party. To raise funds. For the police." He ran his fingers through Sage's hair as he straightened up, then grabbed the hair dye. Sage's hair was light enough that it didn't require bleaching before coloring, at least not with this color, so that would save them some hassle. "That's my life now. Occasionally going to cocktail parties or galas at the Overlook country club." Of course he could say no when Connor asked him to join him but he wanted to go everywhere with him so he wasn't about to stay home.
“A cocktail party. For the police,” Sage said, brows raised. There were some situations in which Sage might entertain attending something like that, but probably not for the Point Pleasant police. The police had never been kind of them, most of them remembering them from their arrest back in high school. It was hard to imagine Jacob rubbing elbows with them and actually enjoying it. “What do you do at those things? Just follow Connor around like a puppy? Stand in a corner and drink? Is it… any fun?” It sounded like a chore, but he knew Jacob was going for Connor. Maybe that helped. Maybe even if the entire night was torture, coming home was fantastic. He didn’t want to ask, but he had to guess there was an upside.
"Oh, he makes it fun," Jacob said with a little smirk as he thought of their last party and what they'd gotten up to. It was hard to dislike the place after that. "That was a hospital thing though, met some nice people. This might be awkward with the cops and all but it really feels like it's time to move past it. We didn't do anything wrong and we live in this town, Connor is a doctor, they'd better get use to me." He huffed stubbornly then leaned past Sage to peek at his face. "How much blue do you want? Like so?" He gestured with his index finger and thumb, though to be honest he was tempted to just dye all of Sage's hair blue. He'd do what Sage asked of course, it'd turn out cool too.
“I was gonna offer to keep you company, but it sounds like Connor’s got it covered,” Sage said with a hint of a smile. Jacob could probably blend in there if he wanted to, but Sage would surely stick out, especially with blue streaks in his hair. Of course, if he got tired of it all, he could just find a wall and close his eyes… “You just keep showing up. Refuse to let them win. Some will eventually stop giving you shit. The others aren’t worth your time.” It was a philosophy that Sage had learned to live by. It was never easy, but it was better than it had been. He looked up at Jacob, trying to decide how much was the right amount of blue. “I dunno. Do you think streaks would be better?”
"Nope," Jacob replied. "Tips are fun. And it's not so bad, they're not all stuck up or anything. You could totally come keep me company - as long as you don't mind me disappearing for maybe thirty minutes sometime in the night." He had no idea if Connor would even want to play again but he hoped he would, it was what made those Overlook parties fun after all. "He'll be socializing too, it can get boring, especially when you're trying really hard not to get too drunk and make an ass of yourself." He slipped on the gloves and opened the hairdye container as he spoke, ruffling Sage's hair again before tugging on it to see where he wanted to start. It wasn't the first time he'd helped dye someone's hair, he was decent at cutting hair too and it was one of those things he genuinely enjoyed doing with his friends.
“Oh, I see how it is,” Sage laughed lightly as he rolled his eyes. He’d never pinned Jacob as the sort to give in to public sex, but he could definitely see the appeal of it—there was always an adrenaline rush that came with getting away with something illicit. “I’m sure I could find some way to entertain myself for a while. Though if you’re trying really hard not to get drunk, I might be a bad influence.” He was certain he couldn’t get through something like that without a fair amount of alcohol. But it could be fun, getting dressed up with Jacob and pretending to fit in. “Is Joce going? Seems like the kind of thing Nate would be at.” If both Jacob and Jocelyn were going, then Sage really wanted to drop in, just to have some time with them and maybe pretend things were normal, even if a cocktail party was generally not their scene. And if it was too much, if he felt completely out of place and absolutely hated it, then he could leave. They both had dates, so it wasn’t like he was abandoning them.
"I haven't asked her," Jacob replied and laughed a little shyly when he realized Sage had absolutely picked up what he was not so subtly laying down. Yeah, he'd fooled around in the country club's bathroom and it had felt deliciously naughty and dangerous, as much as it was a bit of a 'fuck you' to the establishment in a way. "You're starting to sound like you wanna come with me, we'll turn you into a snobby Overlook guy in a suit before you know it," he teased as he rubbed the dye into Sage's hair. It was challenging to not go to the root with how short it was but Jacob was good with his hands and he took care not to go too close to the scalp. "The only one who's really harrassed me since I got home is Steve, you remember him? It's been a while and these days he just gives me a mean look so that's an improvement."
“I mean, it’s not the worst thing to do on a Friday night,” Sage said, his smile falling a little as he began to worry his bottom lip between his teeth. He suddenly realized he was inviting himself to be a third wheel at an event he normally wouldn’t be caught dead in, all because he was tired of spending every night in his parent’s basement, wondering when things might feel normal again and fearing that they never would. His friends could attend and act like it was normal, they might even have fun, whereas he wasn’t even sure he could handle being out after dark without being a fucking mess. “I don’t even own a suit,” he said, and that was probably a good enough reason to back out of the corner he’d been talking himself into. “But yeah, Steve’s always been an asshole. Pretty much anyone who played football with Grayson still is. But most won’t do more than shoot you dirty looks.”
"You don't have to wear a tux or anything," Jacob tittered. "It's not that formal. Just something nice, formal casual. You'd look cute in a tie and I know you own more than jeans." He wasn't sure why he was suddenly so eager to have Sage come with him to that party. It was probably a bad fit for both of them but it wasn't just the thought of having more allies around. Sage had been through so much shit and Jacob felt like they were getting closer, it felt right to want him close by more often. At some point he might have worried that Connor would disapprove of him inviting friends along to something like this but he felt more at ease in this relationship now and he knew him better than that. As long as Sage didn't show up wearing trashy clothes, nobody would care if he was there. That was the vibe Jacob got at least.
Sage continued to bite his lip as he considered it, trying to be realistic rather than jumping in feet first. He’d be out of place, but his friends would be there. He’d be dateless, but they didn’t care. It was after dark, but in a fully lit room with lots of people, no room for creepy shadow monsters. And if he wanted to disappear, he literally could. All he had to do was close his eyes and count to five, like some kind of magic trick. “Will blue hair be a problem?” he asked, raising a brow. That was the one thing he refused to back out of. Jacob was already in the process of dying it and he wanted it done. He wanted a piece of himself back and if he couldn’t go like that, then he shouldn’t go at all. “I have dress slacks. A button down and a tie.” Somewhere. In a box, probably wrinkled. He’d find it if it turned out he needed it.
"They're not as stuck up as I thought they were," Jacob reassured him. "Blue hair is fine. And I can lend you something to wear if you want. I'm totally turning into a fucking WASP." That wasn't true, but he was finding himself dressing up more conservatively more often as he went to nice places with Connor. He and Sage were the same height and not built too differently so he knew he'd have something that might look good on him. "I have a vest that's black but with a hint of a blue tone that'd go well with your hair. Maybe. Depends on what shade this ends up being. We can play dress up when you're all done, if you want."
“You’re pretty much one of the last things I think of when someone says WASP,” Sage snickered. He knew what it meant, and knew most of it applied, but he felt like there was a certain kind of person that fit that mold and it wasn’t Jacob. “I might borrow your vest. If it fits. If I go,” he said with a hint of a smile. He didn’t want to commit to it right this moment, but he was leaning more and more towards trying. He just hoped he didn’t have to bow out at the last minute because he couldn’t handle the night. He watched for a minute as Jacob worked with his hair, always glad to have some help when he could. It was easy enough to do it himself if he was doing the whole thing one color, but anything else proved to be a bit of a challenge. He was always sure he’d missed something. “Do you remember what was happening to me last time I was here?” he asked hesitantly. “When we couldn’t sleep?”
Jacob momentarily met Sage's eyes in the mirror before turning his attention back to his hair. He'd tried so hard to think of it all as a weird dream or hallucination. What were the odds of them both hallucinating the same thing? Or had the entire day been a dream and they hadn't even talked about it like Jacob remembered? He felt wary now, worried Sage would disappear, like reality was tilting on its axis again but it was different now. He wasn't exhausted or delirious, he actually felt just fine. "I don't know what was real and what wasn't," he replied quietly after taking a moment to think about it. He both wanted and didn't want to give Sage the out to not talk about it or to pretend nothing had happened. On one hand he didn't want it to be true, things were weird enough already, the weirdness should have reached its limit a long time ago. At the same time he didn't want Sage to carry this by himself if it was true so he glanced up to meet his gaze again, questioning.
Sage had the feeling that Jacob was happier not knowing, but he needed someone to talk to about it and Jacob knew more than anyone else already. He could tell his parents, but they’d worry and freak out and he really didn’t want to cause more problems than he already had. His siblings weren’t perfect, but they’d led relatively uneventful lives by comparison. Sage envied them. “Being over there, in that other place… I think it did something to me,” he said quietly. “I feel like myself, but the invisibility thing? That was real. I can still do it.” He couldn’t really control it, but he understood when it happened well enough to prevent it happening in public again. All he had to do was keep his eyes open. That seemed simple enough, but now he was worried about disappearing every time he fell asleep. Or going invisible permanently. It seemed unlikely, but there was no one he could ask, just to make sure that wasn’t a possibility.
Jacob met his eyes again with a concerned little frown. "Okay," he said slowly. "Don't do it right now, I'm trying to dye your hair." He quirked a small attempted smile, unsure what else to say. "I can't promise I won't mess it up if I can't see you." His smile faded into something a little more helpless and he wished he didn't have dye-covered gloves on now because he really wanted to give Sage's shoulder a squeeze, to reassure him somehow. He could turn invisible. That or they'd both lost their minds that last weekend and Sage hadn't regained his sanity which was honestly worse. "I wondered... You know. If I was dreaming. Everything is so hazy."
“Don’t worry. It only seems to happen when my eyes are closed for a few seconds,” Sage said with a little smile. “Unless I fall asleep on the stool, we should be good.” If it started happening more frequently than that, without a trigger of sorts, then Sage would be screwed. And he’d probably have a meltdown, which would be made even worse if people couldn’t see him. He’d gone down that rabbit hole once already and tried not to let himself linger on it again. That was a fast track to madness. “I hoped we were dreaming,” he said softly. “I can handle the nightmares. But this… this kinda… freaks me out. I don’t like it.” Things could be worse though. He could have some unknown form of cancer, brought on by whatever they’d been inhaling over there, or he could’ve grown an extra limb or two. By comparison, this should be a walk in the park, yet it was unnerving to feel like he didn’t have control of himself.
Jacob wondered if he'd worry more or less if Sage wasn't freaked out by this. Acknowledging that the invisibility thing was real felt like taking a big step in a direction he didn't want to travel in, but then so many things in his life were like that. Sage turning invisible wasn't nearly as bad as some of the other things Jacob had been through but it didn't come from a good place and he couldn't help but fear it would be followed by something worse. Sage would disappear like Grayson, fade away into nothingness, go permanently invisible and lose his mind. Something bad would happen that Jacob couldn't begin to imagine. "Okay, can we make a deal that you won't ever use this to prank me?" he asked. "My nerves are frayed already, I don't think I'd survive it." It was easier to half-joke around than it was to give in to the fear but he was pretty sure it was written all over his face anyway.
All of Jacob's fears had echoed in Sage's brain, bouncing around until he was ready to scream. The worst part of all this was the feeling of helplessness, like he kept falling and falling with no end in sight. He'd never felt capable of taking control of anything in his life, but the chaos was reaching a critical mass that he feared would eventually lead to self destruction if he didn't find some way to reign it in. Except he had no idea how. He'd considered talking to his friends about it, but he could see how uncomfortable it made Jacob and he'd barely scratched the surface. Sage forced a smile onto his face, willing to joke about it for Jacob's sake. "Aw, what's it good for then?" he teased. "It's not all that useful, unless I wanna wander around bumping into things like a blind ghost."
"You could hide from people," Jacob speculated, although he hoped Sage would never be in a situation where he needed to do that. "I'm not sure if it'd be useful if you only disappear when you close your eyes unless you get heightened senses." Hiding from monsters was what he was really thinking, but that wasn't something he wanted to talk about and it just raised the question of whether the monsters would still be able to find someone who was invisible via smell or sound. Too damn creepy, not a topic he wanted to embark on. "Pranks," he added with a little shrug. "Just not on me." He could think of plenty of things to do when invisible but the closed-eyes thing was definitely a detriment. "Maybe you can learn to control it."
“I guess it depends on who’s looking for me,” Sage said. “Would’ve been useful… before.” Maybe. Some of those monsters hadn’t had eyes, so what was the point of hiding from something that couldn’t see you in the first place? Sage assumed he still made noise, that he could still be smelled, though he wasn’t entirely sure. He remembered that Jacob could still feel him before, so that led him to believe he could still be heard and smelled. If his own senses had been heightened, he hadn’t noticed it. “I’d feel better about it if I could control it. If I could do it with my eyes open,” he said. “Maybe that’s something I can work on.” He had no idea how to even start though. It had all started through an unconscious trigger, so could he even do it consciously? It was worth finding out. “I wonder if I should talk to some of the others. See if they’re having the same issue.”
"Yeah you should," Jacob told him. He could understand if he didn't but keeping in touch with Joss and Sage had probably saved him from doubting his experiences and driving himself insane. It helped to know someone with shared trauma, to touch base every so often. Jacob knew not everyone benefited from hanging out with their trauma-bonded friends all the time but just knowing they were out there would surely be grounding. He finished up with Sage's hair and pulled the gloves before moving to sit on the bathtub's edge. "All done, might need another round, hard to tell with the dye still in..." They'd find out soon enough and he latched back onto what they'd been talking about. "Do you keep in touch with them at all?"
Sage looked in the mirror and had to keep himself from touching his hair, eager to see the change even if it needed time to set. He knew better, all he’d get was dye on his hands, but his fingers still itched to touch. His attention turned back to Jacob and he took a deep breath as he shook his head. “No. We weren’t… we weren’t close. Ty put up with me occasionally, let me sleep around him, but…” Sage didn’t know how to explain it. He sometimes felt like he should have made at least one or two good friends, locked up with only a handful of people for six months, but it hadn’t been like that. It had been impossible to connect while in a constant state of fear. Self preservation took up all his effort and he’d been almost humiliatingly weak. He’d thought nothing could be worse than the Cooperdale Tunnel and found out he was wrong. “I think I could find ‘em though. I have a vague sense of where they all are, even though we don’t talk.”
"Yeah they shouldn't be hard to find unless they left town," Jacob muttered as he set the timer on his phone, then rested his hands in his lap. "You know, it might be something you feel like doing alone but if you ever need backup, moral support, whatever. You know I'm here, right? I'd totally go with you if you need that." He didn't know if Sage needed it, he just suspected that if he was in Sage's shoes, he would need it himself. The world could be overwhelming at times and although he often wanted to be a cool loner type, he really, really wasn't. "I mean, even if I just waited in the car while you go talk to them. I've got your back."
“I think Ty left,” Sage muttered with a frown. “And the werewolf.” What was his name again? Sage knew he was a person, Vex had said as much, but Sage wasn’t sure he’d recognize him now that he was human again. The whole ‘werewolf’ thing would’ve been terrifying, except he’d been the only monster not attacking them. He tried to imagine seeking one of them out and working up the nerve to ask if weird things were happening to them, but he just couldn’t see it happening. Maybe Jacob was right and he needed moral support. At least then he’d have someone there that didn’t think he was downright crazy. “Thanks,” he said with a little smile. “I’ll… let you know. There are a few that are more approachable, but… I might need that.”
Jacob was a little preoccupied with the bomb Sage had dropped when he mentioned a werewolf and it shouldn't have been harder to believe than everything else but it was such a popular concept in fantasy that it was hard to take it at face value. "The Werewolf," he said quietly. "Was that his nickname? Please tell me that was just his nickname." A lot of people had ridiculous names for themselves. The Werewolf sounded like a wrestler nickname or artist tag. Sage sure as hell hadn't said anything about werewolves before and it seemed like a big deal - though it probably wasn't in the grand scheme of things.
Sage cringed, realizing he’d let something slip that maybe he should have kept to himself. He doubted the guy wanted people knowing what he was, but then Sage hadn’t exactly outed him. And he was sure he left. So then it was really just dropping one more threat into their world, one more thing for Jacob to fear. He hadn’t wanted to do that to him, purposefully keeping some of the details to himself, but it was hard to keep up with what he’d shared and what he’d omitted. “Yeah, I might’ve forgotten to mention that,” he said, biting his lip. “The night we… we got trapped, it was kinda crazy. A lot of things happening at once. But one of the guys that was there shifted into this—Vex said he’s a werewolf. The guy. And he was stuck like that the whole time we were there. I got the impression he couldn’t shift back. Time was weird. Like us not eating for months and still surviving. I assume he shifted back when he returned.” Maybe if things hadn’t been the way they were, Sage would’ve asked all the questions he was dying to know about werewolves, since they were a real thing. But the timing hadn’t been right. He’d been too focused on other things and Vex and the wolf didn’t frequent Juniper often enough to get into it.
Jacob was speechless for a few moments, unsure how to process this new strange thing that was apparently real. It made him wonder if it had been that other place that caused it, like it was probably the culprit for Sage's invisibility now. Or were werewolves a real thing in the world? It made him want to go look up news stories from the nights of full moons but at the same time he didn't want to know. "Well, I know I'll be keeping a closer eye on the moon from now on," he finally said. "What was it like? The werewolf?" He'd seen enough artwork of werewolves and they were all so different; from bulging and barbaric monstrosities to cunning and more humanoid creatures. It didn't sound like this one had been dangerous to the group so maybe it was a shapeshifter and not a werewolf. Jacob had no idea if that was better or worse, it was blowing his mind either way.
“He was more like a giant wolf, kinda like a direwolf from Game of Thrones, except even bigger,” Sage said. “Like, you wouldn’t mistake him for a normal wolf, but he was on all fours—or, three in this case—instead of walking on his hind legs. He’d still scare the shit out of me on the full moon. Or any other time.” He hadn’t really gotten to learn the ins and outs of being a werewolf, something he might have been curious about under different circumstances. Vex and the werewolf—why couldn’t he remember his name?—hadn’t really hung around Juniper, so there hadn’t been a lot of chances to sit and chat. Even when there had been time, Sage had been too scared to do much of anything. “Carson,” he finally said, a lightbulb going off. “His name was Carson.”
The name sounded vaguely familiar but it had been a while since Sage had mentioned Carson to Jacob in a paranoid fuelled rant so he didn't make the connection now. The fact the wolf was three legged caught his attention but he didn't really know what to make of that. The idea of a giant wolf, even bigger than the dire wolves on the popular TV show, gave him a little chill and it wasn't the first time he felt unsafe though this time it didn't feel so specific to Point Pleasant. He watched Sage with a little frown as he spoke and being around a werewolf sounded like just another thing that could drive a guy insane. All things considered, Sage was doing pretty good - though calling it good was generous. "I don't know how you pulled through," he said quietly. "I'm just glad you did."
Sage’s eyes raised to Jacob’s, but words momentarily failed him. There’d been days that he was pretty sure the only reason he was still alive was that he was scared to die, and that wasn’t something to be proud of. Misery had become familiar company, constant even when the terror lightened up a bit. Now that he was back, things were supposed to be better. And they were, technically, but they lingered in the back of his mind, creeping up when things were quiet. Or when he was tired. Or when it was dark. He’d come back changed and didn’t know what to do about it. “I didn’t want to die,” he finally said. “And I was lucky. I’m not the fastest. Or the smartest. Or the strongest. If we’d had to actually look for food, I’d have probably starved, but… I got good at hiding. And being quiet.”
"I bet you're smarter and faster than me," Jacob said with a sympathetic smile because he related too too well to what Sage was saying. "At least you're good at hiding. I totally lose my shit when I get scared. I just freeze." The memory of the terrible fog when Sage and the others had gotten hurt was getting strangely faded, like it had happened years ago instead of months but he still felt a bit mortified over how useless he'd been and how hard it had been to move. That feeling he should have been more in charge with all the teenagers there wouldn't let him be but they'd all held up so much better than he had. "You know the cornerstone of our society is our ability to take care of each other," he said, a reminder to himself as much as it was to Sage. "You're not a fighter or a hunter, you're an entertainer and a carer and there's nothing wrong with that."
“Yeah, but…” Sage had an argument, but it wasn’t a good one. It was the kind of pessimistic bullshit that he wouldn’t have let his friends spew at him if he’d been in Jacob’s position. And yet, it was there, in his head. The entertainers were the first to go, the easiest to kill off. Canon fodder. Being a caregiver was all well and good, but what happened when they were the ones who needed to be taken care of? He’d felt like a coward, clinging to Ty and any of the others who made him feel safe, aware of how completely useless he was. Maybe he’d be able to hack something to bits with a dull old machete, but he’d probably get killed in the process. But that didn’t matter here. He was safe in Jacob’s bathroom, with blue dye in his hair. He didn’t need to arm himself. He took a deep breath. “I hate being like this. I feel like… I got my fill in high school, you know?”
Jacob knew that feeling too well and he nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you'd think that'd be enough for a lifetime," he sighed and sometimes he wondered if one big awful thing just opened up a doorway for more. He didn't want that to be true, still holding out for hope that he could have a somewhat normal and happy life with Connor without the universe flinging more horrors at him. "You just got back, you have to be patient with yourself, give yourself time to heal. Remember how long it took for us to get even close to normal again back then? You always seemed to do better than me, dealing with everyone and everything. I just shut down."
“Did we ever really heal?” Sage asked, his eyes finding Jacob’s. It was years ago and he felt like he should have put it all behind him by now, but that day still came up from time to time, always unexpected. It was like he couldn’t forget. The town wouldn’t let him. “It’s hard to be patient. I feel like… like I’ve been displaced. I don’t have a job, or an apartment, or—or even much of a purpose. I don’t know what to do with my time. I know I should find a job, but I’m such a fucking wreck I don’t know who’d hire me. It’s just… harder to pretend this time.” He told himself it should be the same, but it wasn’t. He hadn’t lived through one day of trauma, he’d lived through months of it. It wasn’t going to disappear overnight and he couldn’t slap a smile on top like a bandaid without people seeing through him.
"You're allowed to be displaced for a while, you know," Jacob told him, reaching over to give his arm a comforting little squeeze. "Nobody expects you to bounce back in a flash. Anyone who expects you to get a job and just move on is a clueless dick." He worried at his lip as he squinted at Sage. "Your family's not pressuring you into that, are they?" He had to wonder if Connor would be okay with him staying with them for a little while if Sage's family suddenly went crazy and demanded too much of him but he also couldn't imagine them doing that. Then again, people were full of surprises - too often shitty surprises. "We need like a vet program for people traumatized by supernatural shit."
“No, nothing like that,” Sage said, giving a little shake of his head. “They’re worried about me, but… they’re not pushing. I just know they’ve gone through a lot because of me already.” He often felt like he was the one causing his parent’s trauma more than anything else. When he’d disappeared, they thought he was dead. His return had been a relief, but was also confusing, considering he couldn’t really explain to them where he was. They just didn’t understand and this was almost worse than what had happened at the Cooperdale Tunnel. He just sounded crazy. “Half the town would be in the program,” he said with a mirthless little laugh. “Share time would be the stuff of nightmares.” Not that he could imagine talking about what he’d been through to strangers. The fact that he’d told Gabriel anything about the tunnel still shocked him, but he’d been in a bad place then, worried about bleeding out on the salon floor.
"I probably wouldn't want to know what other people have seen or been through," Jacob admitted and checked the time. A few minutes left before they could rinse out the dye and Jacob wished he could wash out all the fear and pain along with it. "Sage," he said patiently. "You're the one who's been through a lot. Let them take care of you for a while, if I know them and they're still the same as they were when we were teens then it probably helps them too, you know. Taking care of someone can be healing. You're back and you may be struggling right now but you're alive and that's all we ever wanted. Just to get you back." It was so easy to say those things to someone else but he was trying to internalize them himself; let people take care of him without feeling like a useless burden.
“Okay,” Sage sighed softly, though it was a lot easier said than done. He felt like a weight to everyone around him, dragging them down and spreading pain like a plague. He could cover it in the short term, hide it behind a smile, but it got exhausting after a while. If there were better ways to cope, he hadn’t found them yet, though talking to Jacob helped. It made him feel a little less alone, even if it didn’t resolve any of his issues. “Sorry for… for unloading on you. I didn’t come over here to be such a downer.” It sometimes seemed inevitable, but he knew he should avoid it if possible, otherwise people were going to get sick of him eventually. That was really something he’d like to avoid. He needed people more than anything else.
"Yeah, you're lucky you're cute," Jacob teased him to lighten the mood a little, then smiled warmly. "You're allowed to be a downer but you're not, you're just a little blue." A cheesy pun for Sage's hair which was hopefully coming along nicely underneath the sticky blue dye. "I just want you to call me, whenever about whatever, if you need someone to talk to. I've been through times where I thought I had to brave it alone for some dumb reason and it's no good for anyone to do that. You're not boring or a downer or whatever. And if I get sick of you I'll just put on a movie for us or something." He let out a little laugh, shaking his head. "If I do put on a movie for us that doesn't mean you're boring though."
Sage laughed at the joke, a warm feeling settling in his chest as Jacob continued to speak. With his high school friends gone for so long, Sage had gotten used to relying on himself, unable to trust anyone else with the darkness in his past. He’d done everything he could to move on and some days he felt like he had. The more time that passed, the easier it got, so that by the time they returned it was hard to even bring it up. Why dredge up the past? If he could keep it buried, it should stay buried. And then the fog creatures came and turned his world upside-down. It wasn’t just his past that was the problem, it was his present. His every-single-fucking-day. He didn’t want to bother Jacob with that kind of trauma, but knowing he was there for him was huge. “Thanks,” he said with a small smile. “I’ll try not to take it personally every time we watch a movie.”
"Do you want to watch a movie?" Jacob teased him as he got up, giving him a flash of a smile. "Time to rinse this out and see what's going on. I hope I got you blue enough." He started up the shower and moved to give Sage some space. Sage had been right that he was good at handling painting materials, whether it was dye or other, and he'd managed not to spill anything on the towel on Sage's shoulders. "I've got your towel, did you bring a special shampoo or can you use whatever?" Spoken like someone who had never dyed his own hair fun colors, it just seemed like a hassle when it was as dark as his, save for some Halloween madness that washed out easily.
“I could watch a movie,” Sage laughed. “Just let me get this out of my hair first. I brought my own shampoo. No need to dull the color on the first wash.” He wasn’t one to put a ton of work into his appearance, but had learned early on that if he was going to dye his hair, he needed to take care of it. It was short right now, but healthy, and he intended to keep it that way. “Go find something fun to watch. Something we can talk over if we want. I’ll be down in a few.” Hopefully the added color would help him feel more like himself. It might just be superficial, but every little thing helped.
There might still be a well of sadness in Sage's eyes but it was oh so good to see him laugh and Jacob grinned at him before planting a smooch right on his forehead. "I'll find something dumb we can mock relentlessly," he promised and that was often the best way to watch a movie with someone else, to go into critic mode and tear the movie apart. There were plenty of movies that deserved the treatment and he could already think of a few off of the top of his head. "I love you, you know," he added. "I'm so glad you're back." He patted Sage's cheek and headed out before he got too mushy about it, sorting through the movies in his mind to make sure he didn't pick a horror movie - no matter how tacky and silly it might be.