Who: Mal & Vex Where: Word of the Redeemer Fellowship When: June 10, Sunday, early afternoon
Sleep came at last early in the morning on Sunday and Vex didn't know if lying in the dark and sleepily talking to Lem had helped or if it was all over town. Despite the long stretch of not sleeping, he woke up after only a few hours sleep, which wasn't unusual for him though he probably could have done with at least a couple hours more. Lem was conked out still so he did his best not to wake her and left her a note once he'd gotten showered and dressed. He didn't know if Mal was awake but it was Sunday and Mal was a minister so he might drag himself out of his slumber - if he got it - to do his duty and Vex was too antsy to wait to see him.
He parked his car outside of Word of the Redeemer Fellowship and waited until the service was almost over before he went inside. It was somewhat amazing to see that people had actually showed up and everyone there looked about ready to keel over but Vex supposed people needed to pray to their god now more than ever; something he hadn't done in a while. As they meandered past him he leaned against a wall and stared at Mal until he was noticed and wondered if he'd recognize him now. He was wearing his glasses and his hair and beard were short and mostly black instead of the fun bleach quilt job Lem had done on him. Just in case he didn't, he gave him a little wave so that he knew he was there to talk, better safe than sorry.
It had been an interesting forty-eight hours, to say the least. When it became clear on Friday that sleep wasn’t coming, Mal had occupied himself with studying and trying to keep Sam entertained ... for a while. At some point on Saturday he’d locked himself up in his prayer room to commune with God and ask for guidance. It had been hours of kneeling and fervent praying and causing himself pain to bring him closer to God’s light. It had seemed to work, too. Mal had distinctly felt presences in the room with him at several points, but one in particular had seemed strange. Foreign, and yet oddly familiar to him. In any case, it had passed and he’d gone back to asking God for guidance through the sleepless trial, hoping to learn what he could from it.
Mal had finally gotten to sleep early Sunday morning -- which convinced him even further that the insomnia was God-driven -- and he’d allowed himself to forgo the early morning service for an extra couple of hours of rest. His body was still aching and tired, the skin on his back sore and broken in spots, but he’d dragged himself down to the sanctuary to give a sermon to the faithful few who had shown up.
Recognition of the man in the back who arrived just for the end didn’t click until Mal reached out to feel his mind, then he realized he was looking at the wayward Vex. Once Mal had seen the last of his parishioners out with some weary handshakes, he walked up to Vex and offered his hand. “Vex,” he greeted. “You’ve returned. I’d heard some were back, but I wasn’t sure if you were on the list.”
Vex clasped his hand tightly and nodded. "Pretty sure everyone was on the list, except for the guy who died over there." Carson had said he hadn't found a single soul during his last days on the other side and while Vex's heart had broken for his poor wolf, all alone and abandoned, he was now relieved to know that nobody had been left behind - as far as he knew, at least. "I've been meaning to reach out, but today I have a solid reason to talk to you so here I am, at last. How have you been? Did you get any sleep this weekend?"
It was interesting to know that most of those who had disappeared had come back, and Mal tucked that bit of info away. He was very curious about where they’d been, and he hoped Vex would indulge him with some questions later. There was suddenly so much to discuss, Mal was pleased he’d come by. “I’ve been well, thank you,” he answered. “Except for the insomnia, yes ... from what I heard, that was widespread, which is strange but seems par for the course for this place. Can I offer you some coffee? We can sit in my office and catch up.” Mal half-turned and gestured toward the door that led back to his office, one eyebrow lifting slightly.
Privacy was a good idea and so was coffee, probably, so Vex nodded and let Mal lead the way. He flopped down in one of the chairs in there and it vaguely reminded him of seeing some of his many psychiatrists through the years, it was kind of that sort of office, good for work and interviews. "Something changed in the way I have my visions," he said as soon as Mal had closed the door because why bother beating around the bush? He was a man who liked to get straight to the point and for all he knew, Mal already knew why he was there. "They've become clearer. Louder. Did anything change for you with all this insomnia crap?" He hadn't tried to force another vision yet, first he wanted to know if what he'd seen the night before had actually been a vision or if he and Lem had simply lost the last of their marbles.
While Vex settled in and started talking, Mal moved to the small coffee maker across the room and started pouring them a couple of mugs. The pot was fairly fresh -- he’d needed a couple of cups himself to wake up enough to give his sermon. Without even thinking much about it, he dipped briefly into Vex’s mind to find how he took his coffee, and prepared it that way while he listened. A change in visions was interesting, especially considering that Vex had been missing for months, which was something Mal wanted to know more about. “If there was a change with my abilities, I didn’t notice it,” he said as he approached Vex with coffee in hand. He handed Vex’s over, then sat down in the second chair in front of the desk instead of walking behind it. “Of course, mine is dependent on having other people around, and I didn’t see anyone but Sam the entire time.” He sipped from his mug, blue eyes still on the other man. “Is this the first vision you’ve had since you returned home?”
"Nah," Vex said with a shake of his head. "I've had a few, they come and go as they please. I might have chalked it up to my going away otherwise, but something changed this weekend." It would have made sense that he'd experience some changes from his prolonged time on the other side, just like Carson had, but he would have expected it to happen right away in that case. "I'll have to see what my next one is like, now that I've slept," he added with a faint smile because of course this could have all been exaggerated by his sleep deprivation. "It wasn't exactly normal, that mass insomnia thing. I'm thinking it may have been something to do with AIR."
Mal gave a little hum and nodded at the first part. Sleep deprivation could certainly play tricks on the mind, maybe it was all related to that. Just like him being sure that he was feeling the presence of God in the room with him while he’d been praying. Now that he’d had some shuteye, the skeptic in Mal knew that could’ve just been his brain getting loopy, but he’d felt it so strongly for a moment. “That’s possible, I suppose,” he replied, resting his coffee mug on his thigh as he made a thoughtful face. “Have you ever heard of a psychic who could interfere with people’s sleep on that sort of scale? I know Jane can walk in dreams, but this would have to have been something else. Or do you think they’re experimenting with gases or something in the water maybe?” He didn’t expect Vex to have any of those answers, but Mal hadn’t really explored the ‘why’ of it all yet, so he was just musing out loud.
"Nope," Vex muttered. "But I hadn't heard of dreamwalkers either, before I met Jane. I thought all my visions were hallucinations and now that I know they're not I know that people float, people don't burn, people change shapes and slip through walls." He still didn't know if all his visions in the past had been true but he believed fervently in the ones he'd had that Lem could also see. He considered for a moment whether he should ask Mal about his actions the night before in a roundabout way, some old cop sense in him reminding him not to put words in his mouth, but he wasn't a cop anymore and Mal would oh so easily be able to see right through the facade so Vex decided not to. Instead he leaned forward in his seat, watching Mal intently. "I saw you last night," he said, direct and flat out. "Did you feel someone in the room with you?"
It wasn’t often that Mal was surprised, even though he’d gotten skilled at feigning it, but Vex’s statement surprised him. His brows went up and his expression got sharper as he looked at the other man. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea, but Mal immediately slipped into Vex’s mind to see what he’d seen, and he saw himself kneeling on the floor, looking strangely otherworldly but clear and present at the same time. And very, very vulnerable, half-naked and compromised by insomnia and deep into an altered, prayerful state, in a very private moment. With his whip in his hand, another thing he’d never wanted revealed. Mal mentally pulled back, unable to look at himself that way for long, and his jaw clenched. Had Vex called up that vision on purpose? Was he spying on Mal? Would he talk to others about what he’d seen? “Yes,” he answered a bit stiffly. “I did, actually.” He’d felt presences a few times that night, had all of them been Vex? “How long were you there?”
Vex was well aware of what Mal had just done. He might not be psychic enough to feel it but the subtle changes in Mal's expression told him enough. It didn't bother him, it was fair play he supposed since he'd intruded first and he would have likely done the same thing if he was in Mal's shoes. "So it was real," he muttered more to himself than to Mal before looking at him again and answering his question. "Half a minute, maybe. I never hear my visions but I heard you speak, it threw me off - threw me out, really." He didn't think asking Mal what he had said would do much good, he could have been talking to himself all night long and said many things, so Vex decided to keep providing information. "You said... 'I'm here. I'm listening'. Does that sound right?"
Half a minute wasn’t very long, but Mal knew it was long enough to be extremely embarrassing, and that had never been a comfortable emotion for him. Hearing his own private words parroted back to him only made him feel even more uneasy. Mal did his best to put that aside for the moment. There was nothing to be done about it now. “Yes,” he repeated. “That’s what I said.” Mal recalled the moment exactly, in spite of the haze of sleep deprivation, because that had been when he’d felt the presence of another the strongest. He hadn’t even thought it might be another psychic at the time, and now he felt a little foolish. Something else he didn’t like to feel. “And it threw you out, you said?”
"I think it was my surprise that put an end to it," Vex said and he didn't really consider whether all of this was making Mal uncomfortable. It needed to be talked about in order for him to know if it had really happened. He'd seen the many sides of human nature through his job alone, the visions he had didn't hold a candle to some of the stories told by crime scenes so he didn't consider it very embarrassing that Mal liked to whip himself to feel closer to god. To him it was no less awkward than if he'd been masturbating in bed, but it was easy to not feel affected when he was simply the watcher. "I wanted to go outside and try again but I decided to check in with you first, see if it was real. It can be hard to tell without outside help." He realized that maybe that needed some elaborating so he twirled his finger and added, "An earlier vision was more mobile. I felt like I could follow it if my living room was bigger."
Vex had said that his visions had changed over the weekend, along with the insomnia, and the moment in Mal’s prayer room had been deep into that, so he supposed the man was seeing someone else in that earlier vision. “And I’m assuming they’re not usually so ... mobile,” Mal said. It wasn’t really a question, he could see for himself in Vex’s mind. Mal never really felt guilty for using his gift, per se, he just remained mindful of politeness with some individuals. But Vex had invaded a private moment of his, however unwittingly, so Mal felt fully justified in plucking what he needed to know from Vex’s brain. “Now that you’ve confirmed that it was real, do you plan to experiment with it more? Outside with more roaming room? Something like that could be very useful to us to explore environments, if you’re able to do it on demand.”
"That's what I was thinking," Vex muttered. "I could force it last night, but I had no control over where I was going - who I was seeing. I'm gonna try again and see if I can wrangle it a little and yeah, outside with plenty of space to follow it where it may take me." He didn't know for sure Mal was looking into his mind but he didn't really care, it was simpler than explaining everything and if he needed to show Mal something specific it was pretty neat not to have to try to get it into words. It might come in handy down the line when it came to planning. "I'm ready to come back too. Do you have Jane's number? I hadn't backed up my phone in months."
Having someone with far sight on their team would be helpful, even though Mal could read the mind of anyone who worked in that building to get the layout. But people were habitual creatures, existing in their own small circles, and memories were questionable, so who knew if he would get the same level of information as opposed to Vex actually seeing it. Mal hoped enough had changed about him that he had some control. In the meantime, talking about Vex rejoining their little endeavor was a welcome shift in subject. “Of course, yes,” he said. Mal leaned forward to set his coffee down on the desk and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll text it to you. Our numbers have grown, you’ll have to meet everyone. We even have a couple of people who were in other facilities in other states.”
"Let me give you my new number," Vex murmured as his old phone had become a lifeless and useless brick in his pocket on the other side and he'd lost it soon after getting devoured by Jules's portal. It was frustrating of course now that he was back, but losing it had helped him move on and survive without clinging to some faint hope that an end might be in sight. His awful situation had just become his new life and he'd had wolfie Carson as company so it hadn't been all bad. He gave Mal his new number now, waited for text messages to come through and then put his phone away again, content to have at least some of his contacts back. "I wonder if I've seen them before," he muttered. "I've seen a lot of people I'm unfamiliar with, not all of them were there during the fire." Meeting Mal was making him feel a little excited about starting again and maybe that was the spark he needed to feel at home in his life again. "I think there are hundreds of us out there, I wish I had the tech to find them all."
Mal updated the contact in his phone for Vex. it made sense that he wouldn’t have the same number, of course. Once all that was done, he picked up his coffee to sip on again, feeling a little re-balanced from the uncomfortable revelation that he’d been spied on during a very private moment. Vex would probably be the last person to judge him for it -- and his tendency to self-flagellate was not his worst secret by far -- but still. He nodded slowly at the other man’s words. “Thousands, I would guess,” he said, his tone low and grim. “This particular facility was down for many years after the fire, of course, but there were others running around the country. Diego was held somewhere on the west coast, and the girl, Haisley, came from the Great Lakes area. Perhaps we can find some records while we’re there, get more of an idea how widespread this network is and how many potential victims they’ve had.”
Neither name was familiar to Vex but that made sense, he'd get into this all again and he idly wondered if Haisley was the girl he and Lem had seen out in the street and then he again, later in other side's Juniper. "What can they do? Do you know?" he asked, though not everyone he'd seen in a vision had revealed their gifts there. He doubted Pill Boy's special gift was popping pills or playing video games and that girl in the street had seemed to see him too, so perhaps she was psychic but that was all a guess as usual. A few of his visions had been obvious though and just talking about it all again was making him eager to get the whiteboard filled with new information.
Mal gave a positive hum and nodded again. “Diego can control gravity to some degree. I haven’t seen it yet, but it sounds impressive,” he said. “Haisley ... hers is a bit more difficult to explain. Some of the others call her a ‘sin eater,’ but I find that euphemism rather distasteful, personally. But she can enhance the tendency toward vice in others, then feeds off of the energy as they indulge. Like a ... diminutive Bacchus.” He huffed a faintly amused sound through his nose. “She’s only a teenager. The pyrokinetic who burned the original AIR facility down is also here, a man named Shane. Did you know that one?” Mal didn’t recall seeing Shane’s information on Vex’s basement whiteboard, but that didn’t mean much.
Mal would find the name distasteful, Vex thought with some amusement, whereas he liked it and Lem would probably get a kick out of it when he told her. It seemed like a good name, although he knew that sin eaters were a real thing in some Christian religions and he was fairly certain that Haisley didn't absolve anyone of their sins when she 'ate' them. "I do know Shane. Well, not in person, but I've seen him a few times over the years. The firestarter." He smiled somewhat fondly because that had been one of his clearest visions back in the day and the only one to include so many kids at once. As if their grand stand against AIR had triggered something big to ripple out into the universe. "I'm happy to hear more of our people have arrived. I'll have to meet them."
“You will very soon, I’m sure,” Mal said. He’d met almost everyone by now, but they hadn’t had any big get togethers with all of them yet. That would be coming in the near future, he felt sure. Especially with Vex back in the mix now. Mal tilted his head and raised one brow at him a bit, looking curious. “Are all your visions of AIR victims?” he asked. If so, on one hand it was a very strangely specific power to have, and on the other, that could be very useful if Vex wrestled some control over it. They could see if anyone was currently being held captive in this facility.
"No," Vex muttered, but he frowned as he thought about it, wondering yet again what the connection was, who all these people were, how many of his visions he'd simply not noticed because they'd blended into the environment so well and he'd already been wearing his glasses so they didn't even stand out as less blurry. "A lot of them seem to be, but I don't know everyone I see or why I'm seeing them. The majority seems to be from here, but I've seen things that I'm pretty sure are not AIR related." Was that just because they were personal? Seeing his aunt die had been harrowing but she had nothing to do with AIR, unless werewolves were AIR related too. Some lab-invented virus that had gotten loose and that they'd hopefully put an end to now that Carson had control and the original werewolf was dead. "It's hard to see a pattern," he admitted. "I think there is one, my brain is just too human to comprehend it."
His uncertainty made Mal wonder even more. The people Vex didn’t recognize, were they people in other parts of the country connected to AIR? Could the ones he was sure about also be connected, just not to his knowledge? Mal knew that the powers awakened in them could be unpredictable and hard to understand, but part of him wanted Vex’s gift to be a key they could use. Grilling him about it right that moment wasn’t going to help, though. The last part made Mal chuckle and he lifted his coffee mug as if in toast to that. “That’s probably true of all of our brains,” he murmured before taking a long swallow. “In any case, I trust your judgement on sharing anything you see that’s potentially useful. We need every advantage we can get.”
"I've started writing them all down," Vex told him, because he too was desperate for it to be a key, to give him some answers instead of just startling him in the middle of the night or blocking his view when he was driving - among other things. He raised his own cup and drank before he continued, savoring the taste for a moment. "But without names, locations and any kinds of facts it feels more like a dream journal than any sort of proper research." Wasn't he used to that though? He'd had plenty of cases where his suspect started out as just a ghost of a person, with no identifiable features and at times there were no leads to even start with. Vex was plenty used to reaching out only to grasp for nothing, even without his own insanity wreaking havoc on his brain. "I can share some of them with you and Jane, thanks to your gifts. I mean visually, of course. Then you'll at least have their faces in your mind too."
Mal nodded. “Anything could be helpful.” He gave a thoughtful pause, then added, “I wonder if Jane could get into their dreams that way. I believe she said she only needs to see someone’s face ... is that first-hand? Or could she use your visions, I wonder?” It wasn’t a question he expected Vex to know the answer to, or maybe even Jane herself. But it could be something for them to try -- if she could, then they could find out far more about whoever Vex was seeing. “Might be something to experiment with,” Mal went on. He just hoped that Vex wouldn’t share what he’d seen Mal doing the night before. It wasn’t relevant. He gave the other man a faint smile. “I agree with you, I believe there’s a pattern, or at least a reason behind it all. We all have a role to play, something to contribute.”
It felt so validating to hear those words, it made Vex want to get to work, start chasing all the loose ends, figure out his true purpose. No wonder Mal was a preacher, he had a way with words! They might not share the same strand of religion but maybe underneath all the words and the bullshit they worshiped the same thing. His lips slowly curled into a near manic smile and he nodded, infused with inspiration now, some old embers of a fire he thought was dead roaring back to life. "I will show you and Jane the faces I've seen. We're more likely to find them if we all know what they look like. I just need-" he frowned, moving his hands up as if to grasp something in front of him, like he could manifest his vague ideas into something solid. "I need to put things in order." Jane could paint, but could she draw faces? That would help. He could picture a whole big whiteboard full of pictures and information now and there was a deep seated drive to make that happen.
To most people, that smile might have been unsettling, but it just made Mal smile brightly back at him. He’d been in Vex’s brain, he knew the man was half-crazy, but who wasn’t? At least Vex was honest about it, he was true to himself. Didn’t the Lord use the least among humanity to bring important messages, after all? Vex was going to prove invaluable to their mission, Mal felt sure of it, and he was intensely glad that the man was back with them. “We’ll help you do that, anything you need,” he agreed, nodding as he spoke. “I’ll speak with Jane as soon as I can and arrange for us to get together. There’s a lot to do, and it’s good to have you back, Vex. We’ll get you back up to speed and into the thick of it again with us.” He and Jane had become the de facto leaders of this endeavor, and Mal thought Vex deserved a seat at the head of the table along with them.
Vex could contact Jane too, he thought, now that he had her number again. He was eager to get back into it all, but he knew that step one - at least today - was to try to induce a new vision. That feeling he'd been able to recall the night before felt a bit like a dream he was forgetting now and so he knew he'd need to do this alone, without interruptions. Lem didn't count, but she'd been fast asleep when he left the house so he wasn't about to go wake her if that was still the case. "I think I might need all the help I can get," he said because order was not an easy thing for him to sculpt out of his manic ideas. "I need to ask Jane what the limitations to her dreamwalking are, if I can focus my visions and she can visit the people I see, that will help us immensely.”
Mal nodded his agreement. He wasn’t going to get excited about the prospect until Jane confirmed she could do that, but any small advantage they could get on their side might end up saving them. Mal knew they were in for a dangerous fight, and while he had faith that they could accomplish a lot, there were always prices to pay. “In the meantime ... how have you been adjusting to being home? I don’t know much about your situation, but I’ve heard some ... interesting talk, I guess you could say.” He could always get the information for himself, but Mal wanted to know what Vex’s take on it all was.
"Sounds like I need to set the record straight," Vex replied, unsure how he felt about people 'talking' if they didn't know what the hell was really going on. Of course, given that this was Mal, the talk might have been thoughts coming from someone who'd been involved. "It's much easier to adjust to being home than it was being over there, I can tell you that much. I'm curious though, what did you hear?" If it was just gossip, it was probably wild. There was no limit to people's imagination and no doubt some of the more religious folks had an interesting take on the events.
He chuckled. The hearsay Mal had accumulated had come from both inner and outer sources -- he heard plenty of things that weren’t meant for him, but a few members of his flock had also come to him with their concerns and suspicions. “I hear a lot, so it’s ranged from there being a mass alien abduction in Blackwater woods to a practice run for the Rapture,” he answered with a faint smirk. “No one in my congregation had anyone close to them directly involved, but word spreads fast in a small town, you know how it goes.” Mal tilted his head slightly as he eyed Vex. “What was it really like over there? I’m assuming it was far from the Lord bringing you all into His kingdom.”
Vex let out a quiet, mirthless laugh and shook his head. "I believed I was chosen," he muttered. "It was just poison, inside and out. Poison everywhere, in the air, in our lungs, the whole world was coated with it. The ground was sludge, the air was thick with moisture and spores. That shithole was nobody's kingdom." He leaned forward, narrowing his eyes as he looked Mal over. "You don't have to take my word for it, you can look for yourself." It should bother him, knowing Mal could read his mind as easily as Vex could read a book - or even watch a movie, he didn't know exactly how it worked - but it didn't, it felt more like a cheat code to fill him in faster and there was no point in being guarded when nothing he told Mal wasn't something he couldn't have fished out of his mind already.
Mal could relate in a very deep way to feeling Chosen. Some days he believed he was, some days he didn’t, but today it felt like both of them had been chosen. Maybe not for the horrible experience that Vex had been through, but for something great, here in their own world. Taking the other man’s words as an invitation, Mal did put himself inside Vex’s mind. It was a chaotic place, but he was thinking directly of where he’d been, so it was easy enough for Mal to find and observe. Hearing it described and seeing memories of it were two very different things, and when Mal pulled back, he understood much more about where Vex and his people had been. He was quiet for a moment, letting it sink in that they were trapped for months, then gave a soft hum. “What became of your wolf companion?” he asked mildly.
"He turned human again," Vex replied and he hoped Mal wouldn't inquire too much about that because it wasn't his secret to give away. Mal had seen strange things though, he probably didn't get all excited about the existence of werewolves in the world after everything he himself was capable of. "I've thought about getting a dog after that," he added with a low chuckle. "But it wouldn't be the same. Do you like animals, Mal? Can you communicate with them with your gifts?" That was something he'd never considered but it struck him as interesting now. He'd often felt like he and Carson could communicate through more than just words and body language but like with everything else, he had no idea if it was just his own mind playing tricks on him.
Interesting. Mal had naturally heard rumors about werewolves around this town and he knew they were a part of pop culture lore and all, but he hadn’t thought they were real. But the world was full of cursed and demon-possessed creatures, so it didn’t really shock him at the moment, he just filed it away as good information to know. “Animal minds are a mystery to me,” he answered, shaking his head slowly. “I can only read human thoughts. I’m not sure why, that’s just how it’s always worked. Which has been frustrating sometimes, but I’m ultimately grateful. I can’t imagine the noise in my head if I could hear every ant and earthworm I pass. People are bad enough.” He paused, realizing there’d been another question in there. “I am fond of animals, though I never had any pets myself.”
"Me neither," Vex replied. "My family wasn't exactly pet friendly. I hear it's like having a kid, just a shit ton of responsibility and work." He wasn't that great at responsibility, never had been, even on the job, so that was stopping him. Also the fact that it wouldn't be a sentient werewolf and it didn't feel fair to ask a dog to try to live up to those standards. "You can't tune that shit out?" he added, curious about Mal's abilities now. "You always hear the noise?" He knew Mal wasn't constantly reading thoughts, provided he was telling the truth about that, and Vex wondered if he could still hear murmuring or something else. It wasn't exactly an ability Mal could show him clearly, all he had to go on were his words.
Mal tended to think that having pets was probably more rewarding than having children. At least pets stayed loyal, and they weren’t as complicated to raise. But maybe he was a cynic. “I learned to tune it out, for the most part,” he clarified for Vex. “But it was a skill I had to teach myself after my escape -- they never wanted me to tune anything out, that defied my purpose, so my training never focused there. The times they dragged me into crowded spaces to listen was hellish. It still can be if I’m having an off day, but I can get by now, especially in a small town like this. I think living in a big city would just be exhausting, all the time.” He couldn’t imagine having people living above and below and all around him, or walking down a bustling city street every single day. It took more effort now for him to block out the noise of a bunch of minds crammed together than it did to listen, so he was grateful to live in a sparsely populated place.
Vex frowned at the mention of Mal's 'training', he never talked to the others about their time at AIR, it felt like jabbing his finger into an open wound to even bring it up, and while Mal spoke of it calmly and without much emotion, it was hard to imagine it hadn't left its marks on him. "You know, I don't remember my time at AIR. All I know about it is from my visions, other people's experiences, putting two and two together. How do you wipe a child's memories that clean? I long suspected they had psychics on their payroll with the ability to steal memories - and if not that then those memories are still there, locked inside some hypnotic box in my brain." Would he want to remember? Childhood trauma made a big impact on a person, whether remembered or not. "I wonder how many people were let go, only to discover their abilities later in life."
He couldn’t help but feel a rush of deep, angry envy toward the man sitting next to him. He knew it was irrational and he was in enough control of his emotions that none of it showed except for a faint flush of his cheeks, but God how he hated Vex for a second. Mal would’ve given anything not to remember, to have been wiped clean and thrust out into the world still a child. However confused and lost, he could’ve built a real life without their meddling poison. Instead they’d abused him and turned him into a monster, until he’d turned on them. They’d damned him. Mal took the last sip of coffee he wanted and leaned forward a bit to set the mug down on his desk. “I’m sure they use telepaths to do it somehow, but I have no answers there. I was never used for that purpose,” he said, his voice still even and calm. Mal paused for a beat, then added a quiet, “I remember everything. I wish I didn’t. Count yourself lucky.”
"I've seen enough to know just how lucky I am," Vex told him. "And yet I've seen only a fraction of the truth. Of how they awaken these gifts, of how they hone them. I see people whose faces I haven't seen before, sometimes I never see them again and I don't know if they're still locked up, being tortured. What we do here this summer is vital, but it may not be enough, not ever. Maybe we too need to hone our abilities so that we may find where the rest of these rats hide their nests." His mind was elsewhere so he wasn't quite seeing what was right in front of him as he spoke, his gaze far away as memories of vague visions rolled through his thoughts. His visions might be getting stronger, that might help them locate those still in captivity, especially if Jane could visit the dreams of people he showed her. He visibly snapped out of it and looked to Mal again. "Then again, maybe some of the others have already found us. We need to meet soon."
Just like that, the wave of rageful jealousy subsided. It wasn’t Vex’s fault that he’d been released and Mal hadn’t -- it was all AIR. They were life ruiners, agents of Satan, and Mal knew he ought to appreciate that God had spared some of them early, before they could be completely destroyed. He had a purpose for all of them, and everyone had to walk their own path to get there. “And so we will,” Mal answered Vex with a small smile. “Even if it’s never quite enough, we will do what we can to damage the beast. They will at least get the message that they can’t continue this madness without consequences.” Mal personally wanted to drive every single one of them insane until they clawed their own faces off, but he knew their goals had to be more reasonable. If they could destroy this facility again and get information on any of the others, perhaps they could do more than they thought. “I’m glad to have you back at our side, Vex, I truly am,” he said. “You were missed. I look forward to fruitful discussions with all of us involved.”
"As do I," Vex replied and finished his coffee in one gulp before he got to his feet. They could probably chat a while longer but he was feeling antsy now, wanting to find out more about his visions and if they were permanently changed or if the night before had been a fluke. At least he knew it had really happened now that he had confirmation from Mal. He thought for a moment that it might be interesting to conjure a vision with Mal in the room, maybe he could see it too - or at least a reflection of it through Vex's mind and that could be fun to explore. However, he wanted to be sure he could still bring back this feeling he'd had before he got anyone but Lem involved in the process so he didn't suggest it, not today. "It was good seeing you, Mal. Let me know if you pick up on any weird and incriminating thoughts about this whole insomnia thing, deal?"
Mal stood up too to escort Vex back to sanctuary at least, heading for the door with a faint smile. “I will,” he promised. “And let me know what Jane says about piggybacking off of your visions, once you’ve talked to her.” It was a short walk back down the hall and Mal offered his hand to shake with Vex again before he left. “Take care, we’ll be in touch soon, I’m sure.” Now that Vex was back, he had a feeling their plan would tick along even faster, and Mal was eager to really get started.
"I will," Vex replied before he headed out and as he walked out among the pews he really hoped Lem would be awake by the time he got back. Then he thought about it again and decided that no, he would give her a little time off for now. He was going to try this on his own first, see just how much he could do without her there and what the difference was with and without her presence. They had so many things to explore and experiment with, he was just eager to get started.