Ty Solomon (shadowbadge) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2021-04-05 20:02:00 |
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Entry tags: | #june 2018, jared, jared x ty, ty |
Who: Jared and Ty
When: June 12th, afternoon
Where: somewhere in east Texas
Status: complete
Ty had known in his brain that Texas was a big state, but he’d never really understood just how massive it was until he and Jared had started driving through it. It had already been a few days in the RV, trading off driving duties, and they weren’t to the northern border yet. They weren’t driving twenty four hours a day, of course -- they’d been stopping to take in lovely views and eat at tiny roadside diners and just generally enjoying their trip. Texas still seemed like it would never end. Considering how beautiful everything was and how blissful Ty felt, he felt okay with that. Point Pleasant seemed far away and unimportant, and part of Ty was tempted to ask Jared if they could just do this for the rest of their lives. Or find one of these small towns to live in. He knew better, for many reasons, but entertaining the fantasy while they explored was fun.
Part of that exploring involved a lot of enjoying the outdoors. Ty had never quite considered himself an outdoorsman, though he’d been camping and knew some basic survival skills because he had to ... at least that’s how he’d felt in his life Before. Now he was finding that he loved being outside, even when it was hot and he ended up a sweaty, dirty mess. All the fresh air and lack of fog and beautiful vibrant plants everywhere were healing to immerse himself in, and the physical activity of hiking around with Jared was doing his body good, he could feel it. Ty felt like he was finally purging himself of the poison left behind, sweating it out under the Texas sun. It was a good thing their RV had a shower, tiny as it was.
Today was one of those days. They’d found a nice little RV park to stop at around midday, had some lunch, and then set off to find a bluff with a lovely view they’d been told about by one of the locals. Ty volunteered to carry the backpack this time, feeling good as he slipped his hand into Jared’s as they headed down the trail. This part of Texas wasn’t desert -- he’d admittedly kind of pictured all of Texas as a cartoon-like desert, but he was learning differently -- and Ty turned his face up to see all the green leaves overhead, the sunlight filtering through here and there.
It probably should have told Jared something that he didn't want this to end. Maybe they shouldn't be buying a house in Point Pleasant and settling down where their trauma resided but every time he tried to think of an alternative he felt like there was a massive mental block there and Point Pleasant was the only logical place to stay. A part of him chalked it up to his own nature of tackling the difficult things and fixing them rather than run away from his problems but there was also a part of him that worried it was something else.
Thankfully he wasn't examining it too closely these days, he was just enjoying their leisurely drive through Texas with its little detours and sightseeing stops. Ty hadn't told him how he was feeling but he thought he could see the nature and sunshine bringing life back to his boy, he smiled a lot more easily when they were out there and Jared's heart gave a squeeze every time Ty closed his eyes to drink in the feel of sunshine on his skin. For Jared the pleasure was having him there, he'd done plenty of hiking and sitting in the sun lately, but the key difference now was that Ty was there with him, achingly beautiful and happy and married to him.
All the love and happiness was worth the tiny cramped shower which was a pain in the ass for a guy of Jared's size to deal with, but all the inconveniences didn't hold a candle to his happiness and he watched Ty soak in this happiness with a flutter in his stomach. The light flickered in such a lovely way over his skin and made his eyes glitter in a magical way. Of course Jared was stupidly in love with him so everything was made fiftyfold more amazing than it already was by that alone.
Being immersed in Jared’s loving family had been fairly healing, but these few days of just him and Jared together, finally free of obligations and organization-stress, had been incredibly good. Not only was the scenery beautiful, the company was amazing, and Ty felt more in love with his big man than ever. His big husband, because they were married now, and that kept tripping him out in the most random moments. So far it had been nothing but bliss in spite of the tiny shower and cramped bed they shared, and Ty couldn’t imagine that changing anytime soon, even when they weren’t technically on their honeymoon anymore. Now, out for another walk in the woods, he could feel Jared looking at him, and it drew his gaze away from the treetops. Ty couldn’t help but grin a little at the happy-dopey look on Jared’s face. God, he loved that look. “What?” he asked, squeezing Jared’s hand.
"You know what," Jared drawled with a cheeky smile and a playful tone because he'd told Ty how beautiful he was probably too many times and was going to give him a big head if he kept going. "Just this light, man. You in this light." He tugged on Ty's hand to bring him in a little closer, pressing a kiss on his temple. "Everything is just so damn beautiful," he settled for though he was looking at Ty when he said it and the meaning was clear. Yes, their surroundings were beautiful too but it was Ty in the surroundings that made it all the more magical. He couldn't keep staring at him or he'd for sure trip over something but he kept stealing little glances as they walked, completely enamored. "Still can't believe you married me."
No matter how many times he heard it, Ty never got tired of hearing Jared tell him how beautiful he was. It didn’t even feel like an ego thing, it was a love thing, and he knew Jared meant it with every ounce of himself, every single time. Ty knew that so well because he felt the same way. He laughed a bit at that last part. “Are you kidding? I’m goddamn lucky I got to marry you,” he said, flashing a sunny smile. “Best man I know.” Ty lifted their joined hands to kiss the back of Jared’s, feeling positively blissful inside. “I’d marry you at least ... three more times,” Ty told him with a playfully thoughtful tone, giving a nod. “Definitely more than twice more.”
"Could we limit it to once a year though?" Jared teased. "It was a wonderful day but exhausting, oh my god." He laughed too and it was starting to feel like his eyes were always peered now and his cheeks always a little sore but in the best of ways. "I'd marry you over and over though, if we went without all the bells and whistles. Tell you 'I do' every day." He knew that was sappy as hell but he also knew he could safely be a hopeless romantic with Ty without pushing him away or making him cringe. It was a good feeling, being so in love and not having to hold back or worry he might push Ty away. That was a fear that had taken a while to get over but with all they'd been through he had no doubts about their relationship anymore. "And I do, by the way. Today and all days."
Ty laughed at first, because he definitely didn’t want to plan any more weddings. Now that he had officially been there and done that, he was set for life. Even if he and Jared ever split up for some unfathomable reason, no more weddings. He still meant the sentiment though, and Jared understood it well enough. “I do too, babe,” Ty murmured, looking over at him with a sappy smile of his own. He ate up the romance, honestly. Sure, sometimes it was corny and silly, but that was part of what made it great. They could say all that corny stuff and it really meant something. It also made him laugh on a regular basis, and god knew he needed that. “Today and all days.” Ty veered his steps to put a bit more space between them and swung their hands idly back and forth as they walked. He didn’t feel the need to talk to fill silence, that was something he felt like he was better at now. He could just be in the moment more.
Jared hadn't been to this particular trail before so he paid heed to all the signs along the way and while some of them were just nice little tidbits about the nature around them, others warned of steep places and small hazards to be wary of. It was a pleasant day, not too hot for this time of year and it was nice to just walk and listen to the buzzing flies and chirping birds around them. And their own huffed breathing of course, the longer they went on the hotter it felt out and while they were both in good shape, even they had their limits. They didn't see a lot of other people out there which was just perfect and Jared honestly never wanted this to end. Well, he probably would appreciate a shower and a bed at the end of the day but right now this was perfect.
It was a beautiful walk, and Ty didn’t even mind being tired and winded for some parts of it. Being Over There for months had made his endurance drop drastically, and this was all part of building himself back up, inside and out. Eventually they exited the trees and found the little bluff with the good view of the valley. It was a lovely view and there was a little bench and nobody else around, so it was the perfect spot to sit for a few minutes and drink some water and take a couple of selfies together. While they were resting, something caught the corner of Ty’s eye -- it was a brighter green than anything else around, a neon green, off to their left and down the slope a bit. “Huh. Think somebody lost something,” Ty murmured as he stood up. “Hang on.” He started in that direction, careful of his footing, intent on fetching what somebody else had abandoned -- though there was the cop part of his brain that thought the green thing might be a jacket with a body inside of it, which he naturally had to investigate.
There was not a lot that broke through Jared's happiness enough to make him worry these days but it was always related to Ty and he felt that little flutter of worry starting up in his chest as he swallowed down the urge to be overbearingly protective and physically stopping Ty. He had to remind himself that both of them had been in sticky situations before, that Ty wasn't someone who needed to be kept safe, he was a police officer - former or not - who was plenty capable of taking care of himself. And yet, Jared's mind immediately latched onto this being something potentially bad like a body with the perpetrator still being close by. He wasn't packing and he suddenly felt naked without his sidearm and woefully unprepared for anything that might go wrong. At the same time he knew this was normal, didn't fault himself for suddenly feeling afraid because he'd lost Ty for months, he'd thought he was dead, it would be unnatural to just be okay all the time. "Watch your step, baby," was all he allowed himself to say, meandering after Ty and craning his neck to see.
Ty was indeed watching his step, because the hill was pretty steep, and the rocks under his boots were loose and if he did start to slide, there wasn’t much to grab onto on the way down. He was starting to wonder if that had been what had happened to the owner of the green thing, as he carefully made his way toward where it was hung up on a scrubby bush. Ty wasn’t really thinking about Jared being nervous about him venturing out -- he’d survived so much worse than just a rocky slope for so long -- just where to put his next step. But even being careful wasn’t always enough. Ty stepped a bit wrong and felt his boot slip out from under him. He had that terrible can’t-stop-it falling feeling for a brief second before he landed on his back and kept sliding. Ty instinctively planted his hands, his body jolting as it slid over rocks before he came to a stop. Nothing immediately felt broken or even hurt, except maybe his pride, so he called out to Jared, “I’m okay!” Then muttered a low “fuck” to himself. Ty carefully started to pick himself up to turn around and climb the slope again, back to his man.
Jared felt a surge of irritation that suddenly made him understand the angry tone his father had used with him when Jared had gotten in trouble as a kid. It was fear and he just barely suppressed the need to ask what the hell Ty had been thinking going down there in the first place, still mindful of the fact that he couldn't start treating Ty like he was made of glass just because he'd been through hell. It was hard though and he felt this need to sweep Ty up and check him all over for injuries as he watched him climb back up. "Jesus," he whispered. "Your hands. You're all scraped up." He reached down for him, not going too far toward him or they'd both end up slipping and falling and he wouldn't be of any help. As soon as Ty got close enough, Jared snagged his arms and felt the slick wet of blood on his skin. He sucked in air through his teeth in sympathy, wincing as he looked him over. "Where are you hurt?"
All of Ty’s concentration was on getting back to more even ground, he didn’t even notice the blood he was leaving behind on the rocks. He took Jared’s help, not really registering the words about his hands until he was standing upright again, lightly out of breath. “Huh? Nowhere, I’m okay ...” the word trailed off as Ty finally actually looked at his hands. They were scraped up, bits of gravel and dirt clinging to bloody torn skin. His forearms were the same, the right one worse than the left, and Ty was kind of shocked to see all the blood. Shocked because none of it hurt in the slightest. No stinging, no throbbing pain. They just felt ... wet. And a little stiff when he stretched his palms out. That was all. “That’s weird,” he murmured slowly. Ty had suffered many similar scrapes in his life, and he knew how much it could hurt, but he felt no pain even when he poked at one palm with his fingers.
Jared was frowning as he watched him but he had no answers to the questions rising in his mind so he focused on what he could do for now and gently grabbed Ty's shoulder, nudging him to come with him. "We need to get that cleaned up," he mumbled and grabbed the backpack Ty had carried up there to find the first aid kit. "Sit down," he told him as he zipped it open, his first guess here being that Ty was more hurt than he realized and adrenaline was keeping the pain at bay for now so he'd need to look him over to find out what was going on. Minor cuts like these didn't generally make people numb to pain, it took something much bigger and that was his concern right now.
Ty went where Jared wanted him and sat down, trying to assess what was going on in his body. He’d been injured like this before many times, just being a rambunctious boy and then later being involved in sports, but he could never remember an injury that didn’t hurt, even when his adrenaline was pumping hard. Scrapes were maybe numb for a few seconds before they started throbbing, but it had been several minutes now since he’d slid down the hill, and he didn’t feel a single sting anywhere. While Jared fetched the backpack, Ty poked and prodded at his injuries, pressing in hard enough to make it hurt, and still felt nothing. “I don’t feel it,” he muttered, puzzled. “Like, any of it.”
"Yeah, that's not good," Jared said quietly, crouching down in front of him and setting the first aid kit aside for now. He started by touching him - frisking him, really - gingerly patting up his calves and thighs to see if he felt anything out of the ordinary or hit a point where Ty would yelp in pain. Nothing seemed broken, there was no bleeding except for Ty's arms and the more Jared patted him down and found nothing, the more bewildered he felt. He ended with his head, running his hands through his hair since an injury would be harder to see now that he'd actually grown it out. "Still don't feel anything?" he asked, sitting back on his haunches and looking Ty over.
He was cooperative while Jared made his inspection, staying as alert for pain as he knew how to do, and felt nothing but his husband’s touches. That was a good thing, right? Then why did it make him feel so weird? Something suddenly felt out of sorts with the world, like it was slanted. His brow furrowed, he shook his head as he looked at Jared. “How can that be?” he asked. “I’m not in shock, it was just a little fall.” Ty glanced doubtfully down at his bloodied hands and arms, completely mystified.
There was a knot in Jared's stomach as images of hospital visits and brain scans rushed through his mind but that was probably premature and he was having a harder time keeping calm than if this was work related. He managed somehow, gathering what he needed to clean Ty's arms and thinking about how he'd said he couldn't feel any of it. What did that mean? He felt nothing at all? With a very shaky hold on his composure he took Ty's hand and pinched his finger. "Can you feel this?" he asked and he was no doctor but if Ty felt nothing at all that meant there was something very wrong with his brain or nerves and Jared wasn't sure how the hell he was going to handle it.
Ty’s brain was filled with more confusion than worry just yet. It was just so fucking strange to be looking at his torn up flesh and not feel any pain from it. He nodded when Jared gave his finger a squeeze. “Yeah, that feels completely normal,” he said. He touched a few things around him with his other hand -- his leg, the bench, his hair, Jared’s shoulder. He could feel the different textures, the different temperatures ... he just couldn’t feel the pain from the scrapes on his palms. “It’s all normal. Here -- pinch me,” he said, offering the unmarred side of his forearm. “Like hard, make it hurt.” Ty nodded to encourage him.
That was a relief, at least, that he could feel something but the pain thing was weird and Jared was hesitant to hurt him more just to prove a point. He obviously should be feeling pain and he wasn't, Jared didn't need to pinch him but he did anyway, because Ty asked him to. He didn't pinch him hard at first but after checking in with Ty a few times he was pinching him to the point where it should be painful. "What does it feel like if it doesn't hurt?" he asked as he let go and he could still see where he'd pinched Ty so even if Ty hadn't felt it, it had left a mark.
He could see Jared’s blunt fingernails digging into his skin, and Ty felt that sense of wrongness again. “It’s just like ... pressure,” he said slowly, his brows knotted together. “But not a painful pressure.” Ty pulled one leg of his shorts up enough to expose a bit of thigh and he pinched himself this time, as hard as he could. His hand felt a bit weaker than it usually was, but that made sense with his injuries, but he still felt like it should hurt. It wasn’t just his arms, then. “This is so weird,” he muttered.
It was weird and Jared didn't like it one bit. He'd heard of people who couldn't feel pain and it was a horrible life to live with a body that didn't warn them of injuries or illness. He was pretty sure it took some major injury to end up like that, or maybe they'd been born with it. Ty suddenly not feeling pain now didn't make a lick of sense to him. "Let's get your arms cleaned up and bandaged," he muttered, at a loss for what to say or do. "If you still don't feel pain tomorrow... You know you're gonna have to have someone look at you." He grabbed Ty's hands to pull his arms forward, looking over the dirt and blood with a little frown. This he could do at least, he might not have any answers but he could clean up Ty's wounds for now. "Has something like this ever happened before?" he added as he got a wet wipe and started using them on Ty's skin - gently, because even if he knew Ty couldn't feel the pain, he knew it should be there and it was instinctual to be careful.
Ty gave Jared his arms and sat still. He fully expected the wipe Jared used on his open skin to sting, or the pressure to hurt, or something, but all he felt was the swiping sensation and the cool of liquid. It wasn’t like the area was numb, like his nerves weren’t working at all, they just weren’t registering pain. Anywhere, apparently. “No,” he murmured vaguely to Jared’s question. Ty’s mind was busy groping through memories, trying to recall if he’d been injured at all since he’d come home. Had he nicked himself shaving? A stubbed toe? Papercut?.Ty couldn’t remember anything, but how often did a person get hurt in the course of a few weeks anyway? Had he felt pain and then forgot about it, or had he not felt anything at all and not noticed? “Someone look at me, like ... scan my brain, you mean?” he asked, watching Jared work on his arm. “I haven’t hit my head, what could even do this?”
"I don't know," Jared replied quietly and the fact that he didn't know anything useful about this was driving him insane. "When did you last hurt yourself?" he asked, trying to keep his focus on patching Ty's arms up and not give away just how damn scared he was now. He had to remind himself that he wasn't a doctor, that he had no expertise in the human body except for first aid and sex and neurological or brain issues were far above his paygrade. But that's where his mind went anyway, no matter what he did to stop it, to brain problems, neurological problems, something terrible that would take Ty away from him in his prime. Much like Ty he was trying to remember the last time Ty had hissed or winced in discomfort or pain, stubbed his toe, touched something too hot, cursed at something that bothered him. Those kinds of things were so quickly forgotten though, Jared didn't think anybody remembered something like this unless there was a reason for concern.
“I was trying to remember,” he said, trying even harder now that Jared had asked. His mind was obviously running along the same track as Ty’s. “I want to say I was in pain when Amelia found me, but ... god, I was so confused, I don’t know if that’s real. And I can’t remember even cutting myself shaving or ... anything. Maybe a headache from crying, early on? But now I don’t know for sure.” Ty fell quiet and just watched Jared’s big hands work for a moment, his gut suddenly full of nervous tension. When he worried about long-term effects from being Over There, he usually fretted about his lungs, whether breathing in all that shit for so long had fucked them up or not. It hadn’t occurred to him to worry about his brain. “What if ... what if it’s some side effect from being over there?” he asked in a hushed voice, like someone might overhear out there in the middle of nowhere.
The only instances Jared did remember where Ty was in pain were before Over There and were big deals like getting attacked in the fog. But after? Nope he couldn't remember a single moment and it bothered him a great deal. He looked up at Ty and shook his head rather than tell him how little he knew all over again. "We'll figure it out," he said even if it wasn't a promise he could make. What if this became one of those illusive illnesses he'd head horror stories about. At least it wasn't chronic pain, he supposed. Ty wouldn't need to be on painkillers because of this but still, it wasn't a good thing. "Until we do... Can you tell you're hurt? Beyond just looking at it?" Some sensation was better than none, but what kind of warnings could a body send if not through pain?
Ty stretched his fingers out a couple of times, then rocked his head from side to side. “I can feel that my palms are kind of stiff, but ... other than that, no,” he said. He had no idea what was really going on, and he knew speculation wouldn’t help him until he found out, but he couldn’t help but think about what that could mean for his future. What if he broke a tooth? What if his appendix burst and he couldn’t feel it? What if he got cancer and felt nothing inside? What if he already did have cancer from that godforsaken place and this was its insidious way of covering it up? Fuck. “Definitely gonna ... see a doctor, when we get home,” he murmured, trying to set all those anxious, unanswerable questions aside.
Jared finished bandaging one arm and started with the other, nodding firmly at Ty's words. "I hope this is temporary or I'm gonna have to somehow get myself an X-ray vision." If Ty had absolutely no sense of pain or discomfort he would need to be checked out regularly by a professional, possibly even get scans and blood work done on the regular just to make sure his body wasn't acting up in secret. Pausing he rested his arm on Ty's knee, giving him an intent look. "Whatever this is, I've got your back and we'll deal with it together, like always." And he was glad they were married now, that this was his problem too and Ty couldn't shut him out of it as easily as he could have when they were just dating.
He smiled faintly and leaned in to kiss Jared softly. “Together like always,” Ty murmured in agreement. That was the best way to deal with things, the only way they were going to deal with things from now on. Together as a team, because they were married now. Ty hoped that would be the case, anyway. Being separated from Jared again had quickly climbed the rankings to become his biggest fear. If some stupid illness or injury he couldn’t even feel ended up taking him away, he was going to be pissed. With his bandaged hand, he lightly stroked Jared’s cheek with his fingers. “It’ll be okay,” he added, though he had no basis for saying that. They just needed it to be okay, so it had to be.
"Yeah," Jared agreed, as much for his sake as for Ty's because he needed this to be something they could handle. The dumb thing about trauma was that someone didn't always emerge from the other side of it a stronger person, sometimes they just came out a neurotic mess and Jared was fighting that part of him as hard as he could. But he had lost Ty before and the possibility he might again felt far too real. Sure, there were times anyone might want to be able to turn off their sense of pain but not feeling it at all was such a terrible thing and not knowing why was even worse. "Let me finish this and we can eat something," he said quietly, knowing they weren't about to rush to the nearest hospital to start digging for reasons but this made him want to get them home safe far sooner than they'd originally planned.
On top of the worry, it made Ty a little sad to feel the way the mood had shifted. It was still a beautiful Texas day all around them, but it felt like a shadow had fallen over just them. The long cold shadow of Point Pleasant. Ty knew this change in him had to have something to do with his time on the other side of the portal, or coming back through -- he’d definitely been in plenty of pain over there. Even hundreds of miles away, they couldn’t maintain their peace of mind for long, could they? Ty felt like apologizing, like he’d fucked up their honeymoon, but he knew Jared wouldn’t want to hear it. So he just stayed quiet as Jared finished patching up his other arm, then sighed quietly as he stood up again. They had a walk in front of them to get back to the RV, and he knew they would both be tense for even a small stumble.
Jared felt it too and just like Ty he didn't know how he could fix it or ignore the scary parts of it in favor of having a lovely day. He rose to his feet too and pulled Ty into a warm hug, rubbing his nose against the side of his head and stroking his back slowly. "How do you want to tackle this?" he asked after a moment, not loosening his grip or pulling away just yet. "Wait a day or two and see if it changes? Hurry back home? Whatever you decide, I'm with you." It went without saying but he still felt the need to say it just so the words were out there, removing any traces of doubt about his intentions. If Ty wanted to ignore this for a while, Jared would do his best to do the same. He'd be overprotective to the point of nuisance but other than that, he'd do his best.
It felt good to be hugged, and Ty had a sudden terrifying idea that he might be losing all of his sense of touch. What if pain was only the beginning, and eventually he might not be able to feel Jared at all? It made him cling to his man tighter as he tried to swallow down that fear. Ty told himself that he didn’t know anything yet, maybe this wouldn’t be a catastrophe. Maybe he had some superpower now and when they took the bandages off his skin would be totally healed. That was probably ridiculous wishful thinking -- knowing his luck, he probably had a huge brain tumor or some shit -- so it didn’t really help, but he tried to stay calm anyway. “I don’t want to hurry back home,” he murmured once he’d thought for a couple of beats. “I want to keep having our honeymoon.” Ty wanted to completely forget this had ever happened, but he knew that wasn’t a possibility. Sudden petulant anger bubbled up in him -- this was supposed to be their time, they’d just gotten married, they couldn’t even get a week of stress-free happiness? After everything they’d already suffered? It wasn’t fucking fair. “I needed this,” he mumbled out loud, burying his face against Jared’s upper chest. “Fuck.”
"I know, baby," Jared told him quietly. "And you still got it, for as long as you need it. Whatever this is can be dealt with later." It would still weigh on them but that was life, always a tragedy or a worry casting a shadow, Jared had learned a while ago to enjoy the good bits regardless of what else was going on. "For all we know it's not even serious," he added because even if he was having a hard time convincing himself, he knew they both needed at least a drop of hope to carry them through. He was itching to look up the symptom online but reception was bad out here and maybe he really didn't need to be freaking himself out with Internet horror stories. "Maybe you're pumped on up endorphins right now, or you ate something weird. We don't know anything yet."
Ty wasn’t very convinced -- he’d never heard of food making you immune to pain. Maybe somebody had laced his breakfast with cocaine or something? He felt completely normal otherwise, not high or sick to his stomach or anything. But he tried to cling to the ‘we don’t know anything yet’ part. Ty was just already praying that it wasn’t a fast moving brain or spinal cancer that would leave him dead in the RV bed with Jared before they even got back to Maine. Just the thought made him feel all choked up, and he hugged Jared harder. Ty allowed himself to just silently cling while he fought off tears for a moment, then forced his arms to loosen up. “Yeah,” he murmured, swallowing thickly. “We don’t know anything, so ... we’ll just wait and see.” That was the most optimism he could dredge up at the moment.
Waiting and seeing had never been Jared's strong suit when it came to his personal life and worries. Most of the tragedy in his life had been fast and unexpected and this dread was something that was fairly new in his life, most of it courtesy of Point Pleasant. He kissed the side of Ty's head again, focused on his breathing for a moment before pulling back just enough to look at him. "Do you still want to have a picnic up here?" he asked, tilting their foreheads together. "I'd hate to have made you carry it all up here for nothing." Waiting and seeing involved focusing on the moment and taking it one day at a time he guessed, or at least to the best of their ability. It was still a beautiful day, it was still their honeymoon, they still had a lot of time to themselves before Jared went back to work, the question was just whether they could enjoy it now.
Ty let his hands slip down to Jared’s hips and he closed his eyes for a moment as their foreheads touched. He wasn’t sure of what he wanted for a moment, torn between following through with their plan for the day or going back to hide in the RV. He didn’t want to let this fuck up their honeymoon, but it was hard to shrug it off when he felt so shaken. Ty licked his lips and sighed a little, then tilted his head to kiss Jared’s nose. “Let’s eat,” he murmured. “It’s a gorgeous view, why waste it.” He pulled back enough to give Jared a wan little smile. Ty knew he had to be worried, and would probably stay that way until they got actual confirmation from doctors that nothing was wrong with him. That would take a while, so they had to make the good moments where they could, right? Trying to make it as good as possible, Ty pressed a soft kiss to Jared’s lips, lingering for a moment before he pulled away and moved to grab the backpack.
Worried felt like an understatement when it came to finding a word for how he felt, but Jared was trying his damndest to suppress it because worrying wouldn't do anything but make Ty feel worse. He fought the instinct to stop Ty from grabbing the bag, feeling like he should be taking care of him since he was the one who got hurt, only he wasn't hurting, was he. So Jared let him get the food out and went to sit down next to him, accepting the containers when Ty pulled them out of the bag. "Did you even see what that thing was?" he asked to try to distract the two of them. "Down there, I mean." He'd been so worried about it being a body or something but it turned out that bad feeling was just worry for Ty and perhaps he should have been right there with him, giving him a hand and trying to make sure he didn't fall.
He hadn’t quite forgotten about what had sent him down the hill in the first place, but the weirdness of what was happening in his body had distracted Ty from really seeing what was down there. “Oh ... no, I actually didn’t,” he said, wincing a bit, his fingers pausing on the container he was opening. Ty looked in that direction, a little tempted to go investigate again. Jared wouldn’t let him get near the edge of the slope again though, he was sure. Maybe that was for the best. “I didn’t smell anything bad though, so ... think it’s just a lost jacket or backpack or something.” Ty looked around at Jared to give him a knowing look. They’d both seen their fair share of corpses out in the wild, and in all this Texas heat Ty was positive they would be able to smell it if it was a dead person.
Jared would have absolutely stopped him, which was hypocritical since he thought he might just take a look himself, just in case it was something important to someone. Or if it was trash it was just good practice to get rid of it, places like this deserved to be kept natural. He had to resist the urge to do it right away and wondered if he would even remember by the time they had eaten. Maybe he would, because it was a much needed distraction from an awful tight knot that had formed in his stomach and didn't seem to be going anywhere. He opened up a container of his own, but then paused and reached over to grab Ty's hand. He didn't need to say everything he was thinking, he just gave him a solemn look, a smile on his lips that was just a little forced but not fully because smiling at Ty was the easiest thing in the world.
Ty gave Jared’s thick fingers a squeeze, gazing back at him with his own wan half-smile. He didn’t know what to say, what might be comforting, if such a thing was even possible. Jared had just been through months of grief and trauma, Ty knew how scary this new development must be for him. Ty had suffered plenty himself, but it had been a different sort of suffering, and if this thing ended up killing him, he wouldn’t be the one left behind to drown in even more grief. Words were paltry things, so Ty just lifted their joined hands to kiss the back of Jared’s before he put it to his cheek for a moment. “I love you,” he murmured, opening his eyes again to look at his husband. “And all we have is right now, just like everybody else.” It wasn’t a comfort, but it was true. Every moment was precious, because you just never knew what was coming, and the best he could do was keep that in mind and be present in said moments. With his free fingers, Ty plucked a grape out of the container he’d set down on the bench, and offered it up close to Jared’s mouth.
It sounded like something his old grief counselor would have told him back in the day after his father died and maybe it wouldn't have done much for someone else but it rang true for Jared, felt grounding in a way that made him relax a little. "Right now is pretty damn good," he admitted before taking the grape from Ty's fingers with his teeth and taking a moment before slowly sucking it into his mouth. "And a little decadent," he murmured around it, not biting into it just yet. Savour the moment, savour the grape and savour his man sitting in front of him; wasn't that what life was all about? Ty was right, the darkness might be closing in on them again - or it might not - but right now they had each other and sunshine and this fear inside of him had no right to be there.
With a faint little smile, Ty plucked up another grape and popped it into his mouth. He chewed it very slowly as he gazed over at Jared, letting the cool sweetness fill his mouth before he swallowed. Right now was pretty damn good, and that had to mean something. Even if they were scared, at least that meant they had love in their lives, stuff to live for. Ty just hoped they could hold onto those things as long as possible. “You think that’s good, wait’ll you try this pasta salad,” he murmured, his lips quirking up a bit more as he popped open another one of the containers. Ty rummaged in the bag until he found the forks he’d brought. He handed one to Jared and started eating a little bit more, intent on just enjoying the warm day and the beautiful view and his handsome husband.