Ethan Woods (lockingdoors) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2021-04-03 14:48:00 |
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Entry tags: | #june 2018, ethan, ethan x jules, jules |
Who: Jules and Ethan
When: Evening, Thursday June 7th
Where: The car, Sweetbriar
Status: Complete
It had been a rough week, to put it mildly. After saying goodbye to Carson the day before she had locked herself away in her bedroom and had been there ever since. She looked like a wreck and while she had responded to some texts, her heart hadn’t been in it. It was strange to feel so hollow and empty after thinking that turning eighteen would somehow trigger some amazing chapter in her life. But things had just been shitty for months and kept getting shittier.
She had plans to hang out with Ethan that night and while she had considered canceling, Jules found she didn’t want to. He had become one of her closest friends and if she could be herself with anyone, it would be him. He would understand. He wouldn’t expect anything from her. Maybe getting out of the house would be good for her. Maybe getting out of this place would be good for her.
So when he texted that he would be leaving soon to pick her up, Jules managed to drag herself into the shower, hoping the steam from the water would help her puffy eyes. It did, but only a little since she still cringed a bit at her reflection. She attempted to hide the misery as much as she could with some make up and rather than dry and style her hair, she tied it up into a messy bun on top of her head. Slipping into a summer dress, Jules tugged on a cardigan to keep warm and then checked herself out in the mirror. Almost immediately she wanted to burst into tears but she impatiently wiped them away and then returned to her bathroom to fix her makeup.
Thankfully she managed to get herself under control when Ethan pulled up outside. She hurried to his car and slipped inside, doing her best to look normal as she gave him a smile. “Hey.”
It had been a weird week for Ethan, all of it starting with the party at Jules’s house the Saturday prior. He’d had a horrible hangover Sunday, one that didn’t really fit with the amount he’d had to drink, but that wasn’t even the half of it. He was sure he’d been drugged or something along those lines because he’d slightly out of control at the party. Not completely, because he’d had the presence of mind not to fuck on the lawn like some people, but enough so that he was worried he might not live up to the version of himself that Scarlett had been with.
She’d been blowing up his phone all week, occasionally sending flirty pictures, and Ethan had responded, but hadn’t asked her out again. Not yet, anyways. He thought he might for Saturday night, but he couldn’t decide if he wanted to just hang out or take her on an actual date. She was hot, so he couldn’t imagine a reason not to see her again, but he hadn’t decided how involved he wanted to be at that time. Hanging out with Jules was far easier, something he did without hesitation, even if they were just friends. Maybe it was easy because they were just friends. Ethan didn’t know.
“Hey,” he smiled when she climbed in the car, but then gave her a look, feeling like something was slightly amiss. She looked gorgeous, as always, had her hair and makeup all done, but… maybe he was imagining things. “How’re you doing?” He couldn’t read minds, but he could always ask.
It was so nice to see him and Jules felt herself relax a little once she was in his car. Like all of the outside shit couldn't touch her today, despite how she was feeling. Sighing, Jules looked over at him and had it in her mind to lie, but... she didn't want to. She didn't want to pretend everything was okay when it wasn't. And he was looking at her like he knew something wasn't right and while she appreciated that Ethan didn't call her on it, or put her on the spot, she felt like she could tell him the truth and be vulnerable without worrying about him judging her the way some of her friends would. "I'm feeling kind of shitty, to be honest." Jules kept her hands busy by clicking her seatbelt into place. "Me and Jasper broke up. So I'm just..." She trailed off and swallowed hard, because saying it out loud made it feel even more real and it hurt. "Could we go to like... the bridge or something? Find a place that's not here?"
Ethan had sensed that something might be wrong, but he’d be lying if he said he saw that coming. From the day that he’d met her, Jules had been heartbroken about losing Jasper. Getting him back had been something for her to celebrate, an impossible wish somehow granted, and it was hard for him to imagine her ever letting him go again. Ethan stared at Jules with wide eyes, the shock evident before he blinked it away, determined not to ask all the questions that immediately came to mind. Jules would tell him about it if she wanted to, after they got to their destination. He wanted to be there for her and he couldn’t really do that while he was driving. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “Yeah, we can go anywhere you want.” Even to another dimension if that’s what she was feeling.
Another dimension was definitely on the agenda. Another dimension. She wanted to laugh at how insane that sounded and was but it was her reality. It did occur to her that she had been mourning Jasper for months and the universe had given him back only to snatch him away again. It was just as much her fault as his, but still. It was unfair and she had absolutely no idea where her path led her now. She felt lost. Maybe that was why she wanted so desperately to go some place familiar that wouldn't remind her of Jasper. "Sweetbriar," she decided, once he was driving them out of Overlook. "Remember the first place we opened together? I want to go there." Exhaling slowly, she forced a small smile, looking over at Ethan. "How's your week been? Have you done anything fun?"
“I remember,” Ethan said with a little smile. He’d thought about going back there from time to time, but he didn’t see the point in going without Jules. It wasn’t the bridge that was special; it was that other place, the one they’d never taken anyone else to. Even though he hadn’t been there in months, Ethan remembered the way. “Nothing overly exciting. Just work and school,” he said, a little knot twisting in his chest as he tried to decide what to tell her. He could pretend like nothing happened at her party, but Scarlett and Jules ran in the same circle. Even with school over, word was sure to get back to her. “I’ve been texting with Scarlett. We kinda hooked up at the party, so… that’s fun.” He didn’t want to make a big deal of it because it wasn’t a big deal, but also because she’d just told him she broke up with Jasper and it seemed like a poor topic of conversation in that light.
"Scarlett... Scarlett Blake?" Of course, it had to be Scarlett Blake. How many girls did she know named Scarlett? Jules blinked in surprise, trying to figure out how she felt about that. She was glad Ethan was making friends in Point Pleasant but at the same time, she felt selfish enough to want to keep him all to herself, especially now. "That's surprising, but... also not? She was checking you out a lot at prom." Jules managed a faint smile. "When you say it's fun, are you being sarcastic? Is she driving you crazy already?"
Only when Jules said Scarlett’s last name did Ethan realize that he didn’t know it, but since it had to be her, Ethan let Jules come to that conclusion on her own. It didn’t surprise him at all to hear she’d been checking him out at prom. He might not have noticed then, but with Jules out of the picture, Scarlett had more easily come into focus. “I don’t know,” Ethan admitted with a little laugh. “She’s hot, but that’s about all I know about her at the moment. I thought we might hang out this weekend, see how things are when we’re not wasted.” Or whatever he’d been Saturday night. He didn’t know what to call it, but he was sure Jules would know what he was referring to.
That made sense. A hookup was one thing. Getting to know someone was totally different. She couldn't help but think about how she and Jasper had started out and now look... her heart was broken. "Scarlett's fun," Jules said after a moment to collect her thoughts. "I mean, she's like, super dramatic too, but... we've been friends since grade school so... I like her." Falling silent, Jules looked out the window, wishing she could rally herself into being better company for Ethan. It wasn't his fault that she was feeling miserable.
Ethan had the feeling Scarlett would either be a lot of fun or would drive him crazy. It all depended on what flavor of ‘super dramatic’ she turned out to be. On any other day, he might have asked more, but he was aware that Jules might not be into discussing his new potential relationship when her own had just fallen apart. Plus, it weird to talk about a girl he might like with a girl he did like, though Ethan had thought that Scarlett might be just what he needed to fix that. It would be a lot easier to accept being friend zoned with a fun, sexy distraction to hang out with. “If I do start hanging out with her… are you cool with it?” he asked, glancing over at Jules. He wished he knew what he wanted well enough to commit to it, but unfortunately he didn’t.
Jules was sure Scarlett would drive Ethan crazy but who was she to judge it? She was positive she had driven Jasper crazy in the beginning. He had driven her crazy too. His question drew her attention back and Jules's initial confusion smoothed into an easy enough smile. "Yeah, of course, I am. I think it's cool that you're meeting new people and everything. Just... you know, don't forget about me." She said it as teasingly as she could, even though she was sort of serious. She didn't think she could stand someone else in her life ditching her because they were having feelings for someone else. Rationally Jules knew that wasn't the entirety of what happened with Jasper, but sometimes it felt like the one that hurt the most because it wasn't the thing she could help him with.
"That's not even a possibility," Ethan smiled over at her. Even if he did start dating Scarlett, she couldn't replace Jules, which might be an issue later on, but not one he was going to worry about now. Jules meant a lot to him, not just because of the tie between their abilities, but because she'd come to be a close friend. It had only been a few months, but he felt like she knew him better than high school friends who had known him for years. He wasn't willing to give that up for anyone. "Just means I might not follow you around like a lost puppy the next time you have a party," he teased.
"You haven't had to do that since prom," Jules pointed out with a small smile. "All of my friends seemed to have latched onto you pretty quick." It wasn't only the girls, either. Ethan just seemed to fit in with them and for that she was thankful. Jules was silent for a moment before she wrinkled her nose and glanced over at Ethan again. "I was going to ask where at my party you and Scarlett hooked up, but honestly, I don't think I want to know. I never saw so many people going at it like... everywhere. It was like everyone was high and horny. I don't think I ever want to sit on my own couch, like, ever again."
“Yeah, about that,” Ethan laughed. “Is that… That’s not normal. Like… It felt normal at the time, but, I mean, I’ve hooked up at parties, but I was definitely some kind of high. Everyone was. I’ve never seen anything like that.” He couldn’t say he’d acted out of character, but he’d definitely lost some of his control. He wasn’t all that sure of the person he’d been that night, which was part of why he was the tiniest bit nervous about hanging out with Scarlett again. That was the version of him she thought she’d get. “I wasn’t going to tell you where we were anyways. But we at least had the decency to find a room with a door.”
Jules thought about Jasper, how upset he had been before she took her walk and how his mood had completely shifted by the time she returned. He had been jumping off her porch roof into the pool with Greg Wheeler, of all people. It was definitely weird but she had been too relieved at the time to give it much thought. "I thought it was strange at the time, but... we've had wild parties before, that was just...extreme. At least no one got hurt or anything. And as long as it wasn't my bedroom, I don't care," Jules said, her lips twitching. "I don't think anyone cared much about being seen. At least it didn't turn into one ginormous orgy."
"I would never use your room," Ethan promised her with a smile, though his brain continued the thought that he'd be perfectly fine with it, so long as she was the one with him. It was the kind of thing that he was still working to squash down, and he felt like he had it under control, but the feelings hadn't cropped up overnight and he doubted they would disappear any faster. They hadn’t been welcome before, so he was sure they wouldn’t be welcome now. He just needed to focus on being her friend. "Well, at least you can say you had the wildest party your class had ever seen. And now school's over, so no one has the chance to one-up you."
"Yeah, that's true." Jules smiled a little, figuring people would be talking about her party for years. There was an underlying shallowness to it all, but maybe shallow was what she needed right now. Something insignificant and of no consequence to her. Her senior year was supposed to have been fun. Parties, skipping school, a senior trip, prom. Nothing had gone the way she expected it to and she couldn't exactly rewind time to have a do over. "I need to figure out what I'm going to do this summer," she added, staring out her window. "Did you feel that way, after you graduated? Like... stuck in limbo, or whatever? I had things planned and now I'm just sort of... I don't know. I don't know what to do."
“Yeah,” Ethan sighed. “I always imagined myself going off to college and living it up, but instead I stuck around. My uncle offered me the opportunity to do a little intern work and I just… it seemed like too good an opportunity.” Until they’d found Jules, it had felt like a bit of a bust, a waste of what could have been an awesome first year away, but now things were interesting and it felt like the right choice to have made. It was hard to imagine where his life would be without her, but he was sure he’d have been itching to get away a lot sooner. “It’s weird because you feel like you’re supposed to be starting on this great new journey, but no one really tells you what it is, or how to start it, or even if it’s the right one for you. People have a lot of opinions and they’re pretty much gonna tell you, even if you don’t want to hear. But what do you want to do?”
Jules was silent for a few moments as she tried to think of how to answer Ethan's question. Everything she wanted to do felt like it had slipped away from her now. She knew Jasper said they were on a "break" but she still didn't know what that meant. He wanted to have sex with Logan, so he probably would. Would he sleep with other people? Was he going to get a job? Move in with Logan? Live his life while he tried to figure out what the Other Place did to him? If anything. Would he ask for help if he needed it? Jules realized she had been wondering about Jasper since her birthday and no, she hadn't really thought about what she was supposed to do. Did she wait for him? Let him do whatever and whoever he needed to do before he figured things out? If she lived her life, would that be some kind of betrayal? What if she slept with someone else? Or got a place of her own? A job. Or maybe she could go to college, just... closer to home. Jules had so many unanswered questions and it was overwhelming to the point of making her feel physically uncomfortable. "I don't know," she said finally, grimacing as if she were in pain. "I don't know anything right now. I had plans but now they're like... gone. Or on hold? I don't really know. I just had this thought of getting out of my mom's house and having my own place... getting a fun job for the summer and just trying to have fun, you know? I don't know what I really want to do. Nothing's really working out the way I thought it would."
“You can still make some of those things happen,” Ethan said, reading between the lines. A lot of those plans had likely been centered around Jasper, even though he’d only been back for a couple of weeks. If it were him, he’d have whiplash from the range of emotions Jules had to have gone through in the last month. She deserved an easy, laid back summer, one free from drama. Maybe with Jasper out of the picture that could be a reality. “You can still find a fun job. And I’m sure you’ve got a friend who’d love to get an apartment with you. I’d even offer, but that might be weird,” he smiled. It would probably be more uncomfortable for him than her, but if she wanted then he’d make it work. He was willing to bet his uncle would even pay the bill. “And we’re definitely going to have some fun this summer. Just wait.”
"Why would it be weird?" Jules asked, almost absently as her brain latched onto that particular comment. Her heart was convinced that nothing would be fun this summer without Jasper and she knew she was clinging to some hope that he would realize how much he loved and missed her and come back to her sooner than later. Maybe she was being naive, especially since she had been spending the last two days checking her phone to make sure she hadn't missed his call or texts. Maybe she was pathetic. Jules drew her gaze from the window to look over at him. "Would it be weird for us to be like, roommates?" Jasper might hate it, but... he would probably end up moving in with Logan, who he wanted to fuck. So why couldn't Jules move in with her friend?
If it wasn’t weird for her, Ethan knew it shouldn’t be weird for him. The difference was that Jules had never appeared to be into him, while Ethan was still very much into her. Except he could get past that. He was working on it, and it got easier every time she casually friend-zoned him without even realizing it. Because he was a friend, first and foremost, and that was something he never wanted to lose. “I dunno,” he laughed lightly. “I’ve never lived with a girl. Except my mom, and our house was ten times bigger than my apartment. If you could handle sharing a bathroom with me, we could make it work. We wouldn’t have to actually share a room.” In fact, they might not even have to share a bathroom if he got a new apartment, but he’d have to check the floorpans first. “Would you really consider it? I might drive you crazy.”
Jules couldn't help but laugh. "If I can handle sharing a bathroom with you? Trust me, you would be the one needing the patience...you've seen my bathroom before." She had makeup and hair stuff and styling products and she wasn't always super neat about it either. And yes, the prospect of moving out of her mom's house and into a place of her own was so appealing. Jasper had told her they were on a "break" and that included the apartment and everything... would he be pissed if she got a place with someone else? Jules had no idea how long she was supposed to wait for Jasper. A week? Six months? A year? It all felt weirdly unfair and confusing. "I would consider it," she said finally, shifting a little in her seat. "I just really want some freedom, you know? I'm eighteen now. I should be able to do what I want without my mom hovering or asking me a bazillion questions."
“I can handle it,” Ethan laughed as he pulled up to Sweetbriar bridge. “Just think about it. And ask your friends. I bet you’re not the only one looking to get out of their parent’s house. Though if you decide to live with Victoria, we’ll have to start hanging out at my place more often.” He was mostly teasing, though he did think that who she lived with might affect who she hung out with. If she decided to live with him, it would definitely make things more difficult with Jasper, Ethan was sure of it. A part of him wanted the opportunity to rub that in Jasper’s face, but what would be the point? It wasn’t like Jules wanted to be with him instead, something Ethan wasn’t entirely sure was a good idea anyways. He just wanted to see Jules be happy, and anything he could do to help her get there seemed worth it. “So, we should talk about what we’re going to do this summer, find a way to achieve that freedom and embrace it.”
Vic was her friend but Jules wasn't sure they could actually live together without eventually killing one another. And knowing Vic, she'd put the prom queen tiara somewhere Jules could see it every day and then Jules would end up breaking it over Vic's head and it would just be a disaster. Jules could feel her chest loosen a little when the bridge came into view. Disappearing from town for a little while was exactly what she needed.. It wouldn't mend what felt broken inside of her, but it would help to be surrounded by something beautiful. "I definitely want to do that," Jules told Ethan before pushing open the passenger side door once he had parked the car. "There's going to be plenty to do this summer. We don't even have to stay in town. Carson said I could come visit him in Virginia... there's like, real beaches there too. We could plan a road trip down there."
"I was gonna suggest some things in Westbridge, but a real road trip would be awesome," Ethan smiled as he climbed out of the car. Summer didn't have quite the same feel as he thought it would if he was living on campus and going home to his parent's house, but he thought his uncle would probably let him take vacation whenever he wanted. Not living at home, he didn't have his mother's opinion to deal with either. "Carson is the werewolf, right? He's decided to leave town?" Ethan couldn't really blame the guy. After everything he'd been though, a change of scenery would probably help. The same would apply to Jules, which made Ethan feel a bit selfish on his end. He didn't really want to make a suggestion that included her leaving. Luckily, she didn't seem to be considering it, even if it was the logical choice to make.
"We can do Westbridge too," Jules said, because she could only remember ever being there for football games. There was still the hope that Jasper would come to his senses and she wouldn't be spending the entire summer without him, but in case she was... she wanted to be busy. She needed things to keep her body and her mind occupied or she was going to spiral. Jules fell into step beside Ethan as they walked toward the bridge. "Carson's the werewolf," she confirmed, feeling her throat tighten a little. But she swallowed quickly to try and keep her emotions in check. "He needed to get out of this town, I guess. I mean... I don't blame him for it. He and his cousin are moving like, this weekend... he said he'd come back and visit though, since his family still lives here." Jules took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before stopping and offering her hand out to Ethan. She was ready to forget Point Pleasant for a while.
“It’s a day trip, so nothing special, but I thought it might be fun if there’s a music festival or something that goes through.” Ethan knew there would be plenty to do around Point Pleasant as well, so he thought he could help keep her busy. He really wanted to ask what had happened with Jasper, just so he’d have a better idea on how to handle things, but he wasn’t sure if she was ready to talk about it yet. That was the kind of thing that needed to be on her terms, not his. “Were guys close?” he asked, thinking about Carson. He’d never actually met the guy, but he knew he was older. He also knew they’d been through something traumatic together, yet he didn’t think she’d spent a lot of time with the other people involved. “Let’s get out of here,” he said with a small smile, and took her hand. They didn’t do this all the time, but it had become so much easier since that first time, and this specific place had always felt special to him.
"I would be up for that," Jules said, thinking any kind of mental distraction was something she would be game for. She waited until they had successfully opened their doorway into the colorful world hiding in the darkness of Blackwater Woods. It was like she could breathe easier somehow and it was so nice to put Point Pleasant behind her, even for a few hours. "Carson feels like a brother to me," she explained. "He was the one I could really turn to when we started sharing dreams and everything. I think Nic and Neil were kind of like, nervous about being around me because of my age? Neil, more than Nic though. Carson saved my life that night on Witcham Road too. It sucks he's leaving."
Ethan didn’t know a lot about any of them, but he could kind of see how it might’ve been weird, three older guys hanging out with a high school girl. But it had been a weird situation and he also thought people could get past those kind of barriers when they had to. “That does suck,” he said with a small frown. “I’m sure the others would be there if you needed to talk. Or, they should be, but… I guess, I’m here too. If you want to talk. About anything.” Not just what had happened that night out at Blackwater Woods. He thought Jules had pretty much covered that with him. But a lot had happened this week and Ethan was her friend, first and foremost. He was curious, but also knew it was none of his business. If she wanted to talk about it, hopefully she knew she could trust him. It always felt a little easier to open up in a place like the Sweetbriar portal. In all the lands they had discovered, this one seemed the most harmless, like the daydream they needed to escape reality.
Jules wanted to snort at the thought of Neil being there if she wanted to talk. Nic might be a good listener, but it felt a little weird thinking about either of them being someone she could turn to. But Ethan was right. He was there for her and that was all she really needed at the moment. Breathing in the fragrant air, Jules wondered if she could talk about Jasper without getting upset. It wasn't like Ethan hadn't seen her cry before but it felt sort of... private, crying over Jasper. It drove her a little crazy because was he crying over her? Did he miss her? Was he miserable too, or out having fun with Logan and enjoying not being tied down to her anymore. Those questions were bound to drive her completely insane if she kept thinking about them. "I know I can trust you," Jules said finally, glancing at Ethan as she slipped her shoes off. Everything in this place felt softer somehow. More comfortable. "I just... don't really know how to talk about it. Jasper, I mean. He's going through a lot and I want to be there for him, it's just... I don't really think I'm enough anymore. Which is weird, you know? Like, we've always been enough for each other. I couldn't imagine wanting or needing anyone else. But... he does. So..." Jules shrugged and breathed in deep through her nose. "He said it was a break, more than a break-up? But it feels like a break-up."
There was a part of Ethan that angrily reared up at the thought of Jasper breaking up with her, like he could come to her defense, which was ridiculous considering his position. But he didn’t want Jasper to hurt her, even if he wasn’t completely on board with him as her boyfriend. He recognized that his stance on the situation was complicated and not at all objective, but he hoped he could take a step back from that. He needed to. “I don’t know him. I only just met him, so… when I say this, I’m speaking more in generalizations, but… I imagine what he’s been through was traumatic,” Ethan said, taking a seat on the ground. “Like, PTSD kind of trauma. Something like that can mess you up. It can make you question everything: reality, life, even relationships that mean everything to you. Maybe… maybe he’ll figure himself out and realize what an epic idiot he’s made of himself and come begging back. Like he should. But… I dunno. I don’t think it’s fair for you to have to wait on him to figure it out. Especially if he might not. If it was me, I’d have wanted you with me. I wouldn’t want to go through that shit alone.”
Jules sat down beside Ethan and took another deep breath. She knew Jasper was dealing with a lot and she felt helpless with it. Like she had abandoned him when he needed her. It was just complicated. Jules didn't want to tell Ethan that Jasper admitted he wanted to have sex with someone else. It made her feel like it would reveal something about herself that was undesirable or wrong. "He won't go through it alone," Jules muttered finally. "He has Logan. And maybe he did want me with him but... I don't know. Maybe it was just too much, dealing with what he's dealing with and having to deal with me too. It might be easier for him to not be like... tied down to someone and having to worry about me and my stuff, you know?" Was it unfair for her to wait on him while he figured things out? Could she handle it if she waited around while he... did things with other people? Would she be able to smile and say she was glad he got it out of his system and now they could be together? When it felt like they had been enough for each other for so long? It was so confusing and Jules swallowed down the urge to start crying again. "I'll be okay," she said hoarsely before clearing her throat. "I think he'll be okay too."
“Logan’s his friend you hung out with while he was gone?” Ethan asked, his brows drawing together. The way she said it made it sound like dating her was a bad thing, like she was baggage he’d have to deal with, rather than a partner. Maybe he’d missed something, but last he’d checked most of her issues had to do with Jasper’s disappearance, something he thought was resolved. Maybe there were other non-resolved issues that he didn’t know about, or else he was missing something. Ethan wasn’t sure. He just knew it left a bad taste in his mouth. “You’ll be okay,” he said, gently laying his hand on hers when her voice began to crack. “You’ve been through worse shit. A breakup—or whatever this is—it sucks. And I know it’s probably ruined all the plans you had, but it’s not the end of the world. We’ll find things to distract you and before you know it he’ll either be crawling back to you, or you’ll have forgotten about him and moved on.” Doubtful, since she hadn’t done that in the last six months when there’d been no hope of his return, but Ethan wanted to give her hope and maybe this time would be different. At least she’d had some form of closure.
Moving on seemed unfathomable. Forgetting Jasper seemed impossible. But she knew Ethan was trying to be supportive and help her and she appreciated it. It was easier to accept than if Ethan was just badmouthing Jasper as some of her friends would no doubt do. Glancing down at Ethan's hand covering hers, Jules turned her hand around beneath his to hold it. It made it a little easier to swallow down the tears that were threatening. "Yeah, Logan's been Jasper's best friend for a long time. I know he'll be okay if he has him." Jules just didn't want to think about how okay Jasper will be with Logan. She didn't want to let the bitterness completely overwhelm her. It just didn't seem fair. What would Jasper say or do if she decided she wanted to have sex with someone else? Maybe he wouldn't care at this point. Exhaling slowly, Jules swallowed again. "We don't have to talk about this," she told Ethan. "I know it's like, a super downer and stuff. I just didn't really expect it to happen and I just feel a little lost or whatever."
If Jules had been badmouthing Jasper, Ethan would have happily jumped on board, but in his experience telling Jules that she'd been dating a loser when she didn't see it that way was counterproductive and likely to blow back up in his face. She clearly cared about Jasper even after he'd broken her heart, so pointing out that this was the kind of thing Ethan would expect from guys like him would just rub salt in the wound, something Ethan also wanted to avoid. As hard as it was to keep his mouth shut, he wanted to do what was best for Jules. He'd find someone to bitch about Jasper with later. "It's okay," he said, giving her hand a little squeeze. "We can talk about it if you think it'll help. Or we can find you a good distraction. I've never really been in your shoes, so I can't imagine what you're going through, but I'd assume it hurts, to lose someone, then get them back, then lose them again. I kinda want to punch him for it, but I get the impression he's got a lot going on, so... I don't wanna be that asshole."
"No, it's not..." Jules scrunched up her face thoughtfully for a brief moment. "It's complicated. I don't think either one of us really wanted it to happen, it just felt like... the right thing at the time. And it sucks. I don't want him to feel like I'm abandoning him when he needs someone, but like, I don't think I'm that someone, you know? Which sucks even more. I want to be that someone, but I can't make him think that I'm enough." She couldn't even touch on the Logan stuff. It wasn't anyone's business that Jasper was bisexual, unless he wanted to tell them. And again, Jules felt like it said something about her that Jasper wanted something, or someone else. The emotions were confusing and contrasting and it drove her crazy to think about it all. "You've never had your heart broken before?" she asked Ethan. "Not even like, a bad break up?"
Ethan was glad to hear that it was a mutual decision, even if it wasn’t one either one of them liked. He thought it might be easier for Jules that way, though he recognized that the situation wasn’t just a simple parting of ways. For whatever reason, things weren’t working, and they seemed to think that being apart might help. But it made him wonder if they could realistically get back together afterwards, or if the same problem might crop up again. He didn’t know enough to even guess. “You are enough,” Ethan said, almost reflexively. It was impossible to keep the frown off his face as he squeezed her hand. “If there’s some hole he’s trying to fill, it’s not you that’s at fault. You can’t… you can’t determine what other people need in their lives, but if there’s something missing, it’s not up to you to—to change, or make yourself fit. If he needs something different, that’s on him. Don’t—don’t take that on yourself.” Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to say, but he truly believed she couldn’t fault herself for whatever was going on with Jasper. When the questions turned to him, he sighed and gave a small shrug. “I’ve had bad breakups, sure, but… but I’ve usually been the one doing the breaking up. I’ve never been invested like you are. I can’t say I… that I’ve been in love.”
Ethan was right, of course. She couldn't force things or even fix them. It made her feel helpless because she so desperately wanted to. Jules brushed impatiently at her eyes with her free hand, angry at herself for getting emotional again. She always hated to be the one sitting around and crying after a break up. Especially when her brain kept torturing her by whispering that Jasper was fine and probably having a lot of fun now. He hadn't texted her or anything since he dropped her off at home on her birthday, so... yeah, he was probably fine. Or pissed at her. "It's super cynical of me to tell you never to fall in love," Jules said with a watery laugh. "It sucks. At it sucks after it's over." She squeezed his hand and scooted in to lean against him. It was easier to let some of the tears fall when he couldn't see her face. "Thanks for bringing me here. I swear I won't be terrible company forever."
"It always sucks when something ends and you're not ready for it to," Ethan said with only half a smile. "That means at least some part of it was good. If you didn't miss it, I'm not sure it would be love. Just because it hurts doesn't mean it wasn't worth having." He couldn't believe he was defending her relationship with Jasper. Maybe he was just a glutton for punishment because the closest he'd ever come to being in love was with the girl sitting next to him, crying over another boy. Not that he could tell her that. Plus, he knew it wasn't the same. "You've never been terrible company. I'd always rather hang out with you than sit at home and play video games or something, even today."
"Thank you," Jules murmured again. Crying so much was really exhausting and she felt a bit boneless resting against Ethan. Thankfully he didn't seem to mind. She really wanted to push all of her emotions aside for the day and just try to have fun. Ethan might say he didn't mind but Jules minded and she didn't want to mope over her boyfriend...ex-boyfriend...while spending time with him. "I really like this place," she said. "We should try to find more places like it. Nice places, I mean, not shitty scary places. How's the flower doing, by the way... the one you took the first time we came here? Is it still alive?"
“Yeah,” Ethan said with a small smile. “It’s like it’s in some form of stasis. I keep the water fresh and it looks just like the day we picked it.” Which meant it was some kind of miracle scientific discovery and Ethan was just keeping it on his kitchen counter in his apartment, doing nothing with it. But he abhorred the idea of bringing his uncle to this place. He could see him bringing equipment in, tearing up flowers to run tests. He didn’t know why he was so possessive of it, but he was. This was one door he would only unlock for Jules. “It’d be fun to a few more places. The nice ones, of course. I’m not sure how much control we have over that, but you did well with this one.”
"I wonder if that's how we'd be if we stayed here... like some sort of stasis." She doubted it. This probably wasn't like the fog dimension, where they hadn't had to eat or drink anything and they just lived off that air. But it would be nice, staying in a place that was so bright and vibrant with color. Fragrant air and water that looked like it had some kind of gorgeous social media filter being used on it. Even if they couldn't stay, she was at least glad to know they had this place to go to if and when they needed a break from Point Pleasant. Glancing at Ethan, Jules felt a smile tug at her lips. "And we did well with this one. I couldn't have found it without you."
“I dunno,” Ethan said thoughtfully and looked around to see if there were other changes in the land around them. They hadn’t been there often enough to notice minor changes, but he could tell some of the fruit had fallen from the trees, which meant not everything stayed the same. Some things appeared to be following a normal life cycle, just… not the flowers. It was curious. “I think it’s the flowers, not the place. Maybe if we ate the flowers, but that’s not something I really want to experiment with,” he smiled. He liked to think he was adventurous, but eating something from another world felt like a last resort kind of measure, not something to do for fun. “We did good then,” he said, willing to take some of the credit since he knew how it was for her when he wasn’t there. “You think every portal has a specific place? Like, can we only get here from Sweetbriar?”
Jules laughed at the idea of eating the flowers. It felt so weird to do and the sound was foreign to her ears. When was the last time she laughed? Her party? "Eating anything from these places seems like a bad idea. We may doom all of humanity if we do that. Like Adam and Eve or something. But yeah, I think we have to be in a specific place for like, a specific place. That sounds confusing. But I knew that the fog portal was in those woods off of Witcham Road. I was having dreams about it with the others and we all kind of like, knew it had to be there. I don't know if I could open the same place here, you know? There's a place at the school too. Except it didn't open a doorway like this did. It just... changed. Like one second I was in school and the second I was in the school, but it was different. I guess I'm still learning what all of this means."
“It kinda sounds like that place was stalking you. Like, trying to force its way out, make you open the door instead of finding the right place and opening it yourself. And maybe that one was different because it’s more like a copy of our world, instead of some place completely different? Another dimension instead of another world. Which kind of sounds like I’m making stuff up, but you know what I mean,” Ethan smiled, hoping she was following. There was so much they didn’t know about what they could do and what was really out there. It was mind boggling at times, but it was so much easier to handle with someone else. “Unless there’s someone out there that can do what we do, I don’t know that anyone’s going to have all the answers. Sometimes it’s fun figuring them out, so long as it’s not too dangerous.”
"No, it kind of makes sense," Jules said, glancing at Ethan. "There's so much we don't know still, right? Why I shared those dreams with Carson and the others... why it had to be the woods. I mean, when I got into my car accident, that's when everything sort of triggered. I opened a doorway on Overlook Drive and Greg and I saw this black and white version of the forest with this... creature inside of it. How many doorways are there? It's just overwhelming sometimes. But I'm glad I have you with me," she admitted. "You and your uncle. I probably would've been admitted to like, a psych ward by now if I hadn't met you. Who knows, maybe we'll find a doorway to some alternative universe where everyone lives in world peace." Jules grinned and reached down to pick a piece of grass from the ground. "That would be cool, I guess."
“The shared dream is really fascinating to me, but I say that as someone who wasn’t living it. It would probably have driven me crazy. And I can’t even imagine how I’d have handled being pulled into another world. I think you’re pretty incredible for getting through it,” Ethan said, giving her a little smile. “I wish I’d found you earlier. Maybe I could’ve helped.” Even if he couldn’t have stopped it, at least it might not have physically hurt her so much and she would have known a little more about what was going on. But so much of it was still a mystery. “I wonder what triggered it all. Like… those other guys, they have nothing to do with AIR, right? It just seems so random.” There was a lot there that Jules hadn’t told his uncle, but Ethan didn’t blame her. He’d have wanted her to open that portal again and Ethan knew that was something she wouldn’t do, and probably shouldn’t, even for the sake of science. “We need to work on finding that world peace door. Or a portal to Hawaii. Because why not?”
Jules hadn't felt incredible. She had felt like a failure and a freak. Sometimes she still did. If Ethan and Dr. Wilkes had found her earlier, maybe they could have found a way to keep it all from happening, even. Maybe they could have helped Jasper before it had gone too far. It was too late to think about it now though so Jules pushed it out of her mind. "World peace or Hawaii? Decisions, decisions," Jules teased, laughing a little before she pushed some of her hair from her cheek. "But you know, Carson and Nic didn't have anything to do with AIR, at least not that we know of. But like, Neil? Remember when your uncle said it was the kids who started the fire? Neil and Jane were there. They were some of the kids who were supposedly kidnapped. Or thought they were kidnapped.” And both Jules and Ethan's dads had died in that fire. Jules exhaled sharply, understanding that it was big news and something she had been holding in for months now. But she was tired and she was tired of keeping secrets too.
Ethan’s smile faded and he recalled the accusations Jules had thrown at his uncle the very first time he’d met her. They’d seemed so outlandish at the time that he’d inwardly scoffed at them, not knowing the source and unwilling to believe someone he’d just met over family. Now Jules was his most trusted friend and it was much harder to just blow off what she was saying, even if it felt like she was throwing knives at something precious to him. But it wasn’t her, it was Neil and Jane, people he’d never even met. “Why would they say something like that?” he asked. “If they were there, if they were they survived, then… my uncle said it was the kids who started the fire.” He’d always been under the impression that whoever had started the fire had died in it, not that they were going about their lives as if nothing happened, spreading horrible rumors about the past. His father had been a good man. He wouldn’t have kidnapped children. “Do they know about you? That your dad worked for AIR? Do they know about me?”
"People go missing in Point Pleasant, including kids. Like, sometimes they come back." Like Jasper's sister. Like Jasper. "I didn't do any research after they told me they had been at the Institute. Jane... she said it was a talk for another day because we were trying to figure out the dreams and how we were all connected. But we never had that talk again. They know my dad worked for AIR, and obviously, they know what I can do because they saw it. But they don't know about you, Ethan. I haven't spoken to them since I met you and your uncle. I mean, Carson sort of knows, but not Neil or Jane." She took a deep breath, watching the pretty scenery in front of them before finally looking at Ethan. "I think I need to talk to Neil about this. Try to get the truth from him. Maybe he knows who started the fire and why."
He’d never been under the impression that Neil or Jane were bad people, or a threat of any kind, but knowing they were potentially responsible for the death of his father didn’t sit well with Ethan. He wanted to talk to Neil as well, get the full story, but he wasn’t sure he could keep it to just talking, especially if Neil himself had started the fire. He didn’t get the impression Neil was capable of something like that, but he also didn’t get why people would lie about being kidnapped. “I did some research when I was younger. Just… trying to understand what happened. The papers didn’t seem to know who started it. When my uncle mentioned that some kids had started it, that was the first I’d heard of it,” he said, chewing on his bottom lip. “Let me know what Neil says? I know it won’t change anything, but… I’d like to know.”
It was odd that Dr. Wilkes hadn't told Ethan the truth behind the fire, but maybe he was just trying to protect Ethan somehow. There was so much Jules felt like she didn't know and she had been avoiding it for so long. Maybe she was scared of the answers, and how she might feel once she got them. It wasn't like she remembered her dad. She had been a baby when he died, but she still visited his grave at the cemetery and she still felt like she was robbed of something important. What would she be like today if her dad had lived? "I'll definitely tell you what he says. I mean, he might not know anything, right? I guess we'll see." She would have to go see him in person because he could easily ignore her if she poked into his head. It was nice being in this place, with Point Pleasant gone for a while. Jules felt mentally and physically exhausted, so she rested her head against Ethan's arm.
There was a lot his uncle hadn’t told him about AIR, but Ethan had always assumed that it was confidential. It wasn’t like he was privy to everything just because his uncle worked there. But there were details that should have been public, if there were facts backing them. Like who started the fire. It ate at Ethan more than he let on, making him quieter than usual as he mentally tried to figure out a puzzle without all the pieces. He wasn’t sure his uncle would tell him anything new, not without any leverage, or at least a sticking point. It was better to talk to Neil first, then go from there. “Yeah, we’ll see,” he said softly, leaning a little against Jules. It was nice to have an escape to go to, though it was hard to say whether it was the place or Jules herself who had that effect on him.