Carson Durand (dontlaugh) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2021-03-23 08:51:00 |
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Entry tags: | #june 2018, carson, carson x jules, jules |
Who: Carson and Jules
When: afternoon, Wednesday, June 6th
Where: Jules’s house
Status: complete
Carson was torn. He and Rylee had been making arrangements to move him back to Virginia with her, and it was almost time to drive away from Point Pleasant. While that made him deliriously happy on one hand, it was sad on another. Carson had spent a lot of his life in his town, and it was hard to think that he might be leaving it forever. Much more than the town, he was going to miss the people in it -- his family, friends he’d had for years, and some who weren’t so long-standing but still closer to him in the most bizarre ways.
He’d tried to check in with Jules through their mental connection the day before and gotten stonewalled, which was a little worrisome. Carson had left her alone until evening, when he’d sent her a text, saying that he was moving and he wanted to see her before he left. He’d said goodbye to Vex, he’d shaken Nic and Neil’s hands and wished them the best of luck, but he knew somehow that saying goodbye to Jules was going to be harder than the rest. She’d become like a little sister to him, and Carson hadn't really had the time to reconnect with her like he wanted to since he’d been back. And now he was leaving the state, which made him feel a little guilty, like he was abandoning her. That was his own to deal with, though.
Carson was glad when she’d gotten back to him and they’d arranged for a visit Wednesday afternoon. He pulled up and parked in the driveway, glancing up at the big house with a low whistle. He knew she lived in Overlook but he’d never been to her house before -- her mom’s house, that was. Carson hoped the elder Ms. Cooper wasn’t home to question why a grown man was dropping by to see her daughter. He climbed out of the car and headed up to the front door to ring the bell.
Blocking out Carson hadn't been anything personal. She just hadn't wanted to talk to anyone, not even in her head. She hadn't left her bedroom since Jasper dropped her off the day before and it was like she had gone back three and a half months to when Jasper had disappeared. Her mom would call her overdramatic, but Jules felt listless and hollow, like there was no point to anything. Maybe there wasn't. Maybe this was the universe just punishing her for what she did. It was this stupid town, continuing to ruin her life. Jules hadn't really planned on talking to Carson, or anyone, anytime soon but then she got his text that he was moving and it was just another brick placed on her chest. Overdramatic, for sure.
Mercifully her mom wasn't home when Carson rang the bell so Jules didn't have to come up with some bullshit lie about why he was there. Pulling open the door, Jules tried to give him a smile but it ended up looking a bit strained as she stepped back to let him inside. At least she had brushed her teeth. "Mom's not home so you can, like, come in and stuff."
The smile was strained and Jules’s eyes looked puffy and tired, and Carson felt his worry tick up a notch. He hoped she hadn’t been crying over him. He wasn’t positive of it yet, but he didn’t think their mental connection would fade away with distance, so they were definitely going to keep in touch. “Hey there, thanks,” he murmured as he stepped into the house. Caron glanced around before his attention came back to Jules. “Sorry about the short notice ... are you okay?” He frowned a little as he examined her face.
Jules knew they would probably still talk when he was gone but for some reason she didn't think would feel the same. It's not like they hung out or anything but Carson had gone through something really scary and strange with her and she had always felt closer to him than Nic or Neil. She had always sort of imagined he was the kind of big brother she'd want. And they had locked him away in that place with Jasper. And like Jasper, Carson had come back. And like Jasper, Carson was leaving her. She nodded at his question, though her lips pursed together as her sore eyes filled with fresh tears. Without giving it a lot of thought, she stepped forward to hug him, aware that it was probably weird and maybe uncomfortable for him, but she didn't care.
He wouldn't have believed that nod anyway, but Jules made it obvious that she wasn’t okay at all, so he didn’t even have time to doubt it. Eyebrows raising, Carson only hesitated for a split second before he put his arms around her and hugged gently. Her mom wasn’t home, she’d said, so he didn’t worry about what anybody else might think of his motivations. Jules obviously needed a hug, she was like a little sister to him, and he wanted to comfort her if he could. Carson didn’t know if this was her reaction to just his news, or if it was something more, but he didn’t want to pester her with questions yet. So he just held onto her and tried to mentally project that he was there for her and everything would be okay.
It was nice to have a hug. She hadn't confided in her mother about the break up and she had been ignoring everyone else's texts and calls. Jules just needed some comfort and she needed someone to tell her it would be okay, especially when it felt like it wouldn't be. A part of her felt stupid for crying, especially against his shirt, but it wasn't like she could just turn it off. Eventually she would cry herself out and probably fall into an exhausted sleep and everything would be okay for a while. Until she woke up again. Finally Jules settled, sinking into that numbness that tended to follow after purging a lot of emotion. "Sorry," she mumbled, finally pulling back from Carson to wipe her eyes. "Things have just sucked lately and... now you're moving and that sucks too." She wasn't trying to make him feel guilty or anything. It was just facts.
Jules cried a lot harder and longer than Carson anticipated, and his worry grew as he stood there and held her. He ended up slowly stroking the back of her hair, and murmured some comfort out loud a couple of times. He didn’t try to rush her through it though, because whatever was wrong was obviously pretty intense. He knew how that could be, for sure. Carson didn’t let go of her all the way as Jules pulled back, still rubbing her upper arms a bit. “Don’t be sorry,” he murmured. “You want to go sit down somewhere? Tell me about what’s sucked so bad?” Carson knew it wasn’t all him and his decision to leave, but he understood how that would be upsetting too. They were the closest out of the dreamers. He did feel a bit of guilt, but he knew she would understand his reasons, too.
Jules nodded, turning to lead him into the living room. Maybe it was stupid but it was hard to even be home, mostly because of how often Jasper had been there with her. If she started thinking about it she would just start crying all over again so Jules sat and used her t-shirt to wipe her face. Gross, but whatever. "It's probably really stupid," she began, sniffling a bit as she pulled her feet up onto the seat and curled her arms around her knees. "Jasper and I broke up. Yesterday... which was my birthday." Jules huffed out a soft, but humorless laugh. "And things have been weird, even though everyone is back, which is great... I mean everyone from... the fog place. I just thought things would get back to normal. And now you're leaving too and it just sucks. I feel like I'm losing everyone."
Carson followed Jules and sat down on the couch with her, but gave her some room too, half-turning to look at her as she spoke. He frowned faintly at the news of the breakup being on her birthday -- that was a super shitty day to break up with someone. But teenage boys weren’t widely known for their non-shittiness. That explained the way she’d blocked Carson out the day before, at least. “Okay, A ... none of that is stupid to be upset about,” Carson told her gently. “So I’m gonna need you to stop beating yourself up for being a person having feelings. For two, that was really shitty timing on his part, and I’m sorry that happened to you, especially on your birthday. Getting back to normal though ... it’s been hard for all of us, I think. You too, I’m sure, more than anybody else we left behind, you know? I know you didn’t want any of it to go down like it did, and I can only imagine what kind of burden that was to carry around. Stuff like that doesn’t just go away overnight, it’s trauma.”
She felt a little better that Carson wasn't dismissive of her feelings. Her mom would tell her it was for the best and she was too good for Jasper, blah, blah, blah. She had cried over boys before and had sworn it was the end of the world... but she had never really felt that way. Maybe she had never really had her heart broken before because it had never quite felt like this. And she felt guilty about so many things, among them the fact that she felt relieved when he called what they had gone through traumatic. Jules, Nic, and Neil had walked away from Witcham Road while the others were lost and in Hell... it felt wrong to want to be comforted and understood when Carson and Jasper and the others had it so much worse than she had. It was one of the reasons why she couldn't bring herself to open up to Jasper about it. He was the one dealing with the effects of where he had been, he didn't need her issues on top of all of his. "I just don't think I'm allowed to claim trauma when I didn't have to go through the worst of it," Jules murmured. "Jasper needs help dealing with it and it's like, I can't be that person because I'm partly responsible for how he's feeling now, you know? He needs like... other people." Logan, specifically. Which caused her breath to hitch a little before she swallowed hard to keep the emotion down. "Why are you moving?" she asked, because she wondered if he was having trouble dealing with all of this too.
God, he felt like he had so much to say to her and not enough time. Carson understood survivor’s guilt -- which seemed to be part of what Jules was dealing with, even though they’d all technically survived -- from his work with veterans, and he knew that you couldn’t fairly compare one trauma to another, but people tended to do it anyway. He licked his lips and tried to answer her question first. “Because this town has taken too much from me,” he said after a moment’s thought. “It literally turned me into a monster. I just ... need some time to try and live with some peace, somewhere else, before it breaks me completely. But I’ll be back to visit, my family’s still here. And for you, I’m only a loud thought away.” Carson smiled faintly and tapped his temple, then offered his hand out to her. “Can I give you some big brother type advice? I’m old, I’ve got a lot of it.” He didn’t want to dive into a lecture about failed relationships or how she should be handling all of this if that wasn’t what she needed at the moment. Everything could feel so intense and dramatic when you were a teenager, and Carson didn’t want to upset her when she was obviously hurting.
It was instinctive to try and persuade him to stay. It was also really selfish and Jules supposed she was experiencing some kind of emotional growth because she could actually recognize it as selfish. Carson wasn't there to make her feel better. He had his own life and his own problems too and if leaving Point Pleasant helped him get through all of it, she couldn't be angry about it. Just sad. At least she could reach out to him if she needed to. Maybe she was just jealous that he could leave and she couldn't. Sometimes she wished she could, especially now. Jules eyed his hand before taking it, mentally preparing herself for hearing things she didn't really want to hear. Just like on her birthday. But she wasn't going to dismiss Carson or decline the advice. Maybe she needed it more than she thought. "You're not that old, but... yeah."
Carson sure felt old next to a seventeen year old -- eighteen now, he supposed -- but it was sweet of her to say so anyway, and he gave a little half smile as he squeezed her hand. “Trauma isn’t something you claim,” he started with, his voice gentle. “It happens to you, and it scientifically, physically affects your brain. You’re not being dramatic. It’s nothing you sought out for attention or street cred or anything like that, and there’s no contest for whose was the worst. Try to stop comparing, okay? You did a terribly hard and painful thing, for the greater good. You made a huge sacrifice, and for months you probably thought you’d locked us all up to die, right? At least two people you love, more who other people love. That’s not something easily shrugged off, even if the end result wasn’t as bad as you feared. You’d be soulless if it didn’t affect you, and I know you’re not that. Your experience wasn’t our experience, but it still happened to you, and it’s okay not to be okay. Anybody who wants to deny you your feelings is an insensitive piece of shit and you don’t need them in your life.” He quirked a little smile. “As for Jasper ... I’ve had a lot of breakups, and something important I learned the hard way is that you can’t fill all roles for someone. Especially when they’re neck-deep in hard shit. It’s called a support ‘system’ for a reason, you know? Even if you’d had nothing to do with what happened, it would be too much for him to rely solely on you for support. I know there’s this idea out there that love can fix anything if you’ve got enough of it, but it’s a romantic lie, I’m sorry to say. You guys need to heal independently from all this trauma, give each other patience and grace, then hopefully you can find your way back to one another.”
She had thought they were all going to die and admittedly, Jules hadn't known how to process that. Especially when Nic and Neil weren't exactly the kind of people to go to for understanding and comfort. And feeling like everyone in town blamed her for what happened, even if rationally she knew not everyone knew what had really happened. Jules swallowed hard as Carson spoke and while she didn't start sobbing again, it was hard to keep fresh tears from spilling over. Obviously he made sense, even if a part of her warred against it. There was the urge to pout and throw herself on the floor and scream about the injustice of it all. But, just like her talk with Jasper the day before, she knew this was the only way it could work. He had to figure some stuff out on his own. All Jules could do was hope whatever he found would bring him back to her. Jules wiped impatiently at her eyes with her other hand, nodding a little. "It's just... he's like... my best friend too? And I don't think he knows that. So it's like... losing two people in one." Jules pushed the words out even as her throat started to close up. "And he's probably going to be with other people? And I feel like all I can do is sit here and wait and like... just wish I could be everything, right?" She cleared her throat, feeling stupid even though Carson had told her having feelings wasn't stupid. In a way she felt bad, dumping all of this on him when he was getting ready to move and had come to see her. But it felt weirdly cathartic, having someone to talk to who wouldn't bullshit her.
Carson had forgotten about his own situation for the moment, something that talking to people like this had always done for him, so it was kind of cathartic on his end too. It made him feel useful and insightful, and he really did see Jules as a younger sister, so he was glad she was opening up to him. Carson gave her an empathetic look and nodded slightly as she spoke. He could definitely understand that, he knew he would be a complete mess if he lost Rylee for any reason, his lover and best friend. And cousin, but they weren’t going to talk about that part. “And you lost him for a long time and just got him back,” he said. “So that’s extra hard, I’m sure. I’m sorry Jules, it really sucks and it’s going to be really hard and hurt a lot. But you can’t control his journey, and in the end he’ll probably be grateful to you for the space you’re giving him right now, however it turns out. So you need to focus on yourself and taking care of you. I’m willing to bet you need the time to heal too, you’re still carrying a lot. Do you have other close friends? People you can talk to?”
Jules didn't want it to hurt this much. It was like someone had their fist around her heart and they just kept squeezing it until it was sure to explode in a horrible, bloody mess. She swallowed again, sure that Jasper would be grateful, because he could do whatever he wanted now, with whoever he wanted, and he didn't have to worry about lying or hurting her with it. It was a bitter thought and Jules did her best to ignore it. She wasn't quite ready for the angry phase of all of this. She would rather just cry and be miserable. Rubbing her closed eyes, Jules thought about how many friends she had and how many of them were actual friends to her. There weren't many. "Yeah, I have a couple of people I can talk to if I need it," she said, lowering her hand back to her lap. She wasn't really sure what she could say to them, or would say to them. Jules didn't want to hear about Jasper was a dick, blah, blah, blah. She wanted someone to understand her. "For the record," Jules added, licking the lingering salty taste of her tears from her lips. "You're not a monster. You saved my life."
Carson wasn’t shocked that there were only a couple of people Jules trusted that much -- he was sure she had lots of ‘friends,’ being a beautiful and friendly teenage girl, but he knew real friends were more rare, especially those who would believe what Jules had been through. It made him wish he wasn’t leaving yet, he wanted to help her more, but Carson knew they had to live their own lives. He would definitely be checking in on her. What she said touched his heart and he gave her a soft little smile. “Guess I did, huh,” he murmured. “Maybe ... nah, I dunno why, haven’t really figured it out yet, but I feel like less of a monster since I came back. Turns out I’ve got more control over the whole thing than I used to. I shifted at will the other day, and I could still think, no murder machine ... it was like how it was over there. But everything obviously smelled better.”
Jules's brows rose in surprise when he told her he had more control over things. That was major news. "Wow, you can do it whenever you want now? That's crazy. I mean... obviously it would be better if you had never been stuck over there, ever, but... I guess if there needs to be a silver lining, that's it, right? And you definitely did save my life. I don't know that anyone else would have tried." Maybe that was being unfair to Nic and Neil, but Neil was a coward and Nic had been shot. "I know you moving is like, the best thing for you. I'm just sad you're going. You're a werewolf, you know? You're like... Point Pleasant's mascot." Jules couldn't help but smile. "I mean that in a good way."
He half-smiled too, but Carson couldn’t help but think of poor Sadie. Old, familiar guilt rose up like bile in his throat, and he tried to swallow it down again. He knew every life was precious and he would never actually make up for what he’d done, but he hoped he’d earned a few positive points on his karma score by saving Jules. “I’m just thrilled that everyone around me’s gonna to be safer on the full moon. But a three-legged derpy werewolf sounds like a fitting mascot for this town, yeah,” he said with a faint chuckle. Carson squeezed her hand. “You’re the one I hate leaving the most, I mean that. I’d take you with us if I could. But hey, now that you’re an adult and all, take a road trip and come visit me sometime.” Carson gave her a brighter smile. “And don’t you dare start thinking I’m busy and you shouldn’t bother me, reach out anytime, okay? I want to hear from you. Text or Facetime or brain or however you want to do it.”
It felt weird to laugh, but she did, the sound catching in her throat at the thought of a town sign welcoming people into Point Pleasant, with a three legged werewolf howling at the moon. Yeah, that really did seem to fit with this dumb town. "I wish I could go with you too," Jules admitted, "I'm super jealous that you get to leave. Like, just pack up and go. I'll definitely come visit, though. The beaches down there are so much better than what we have." Jules used her shirt to wipe her face again. She would have to change when Carson left. So much snot. Ew. "I'm glad you came to say goodbye. Oh!" Jules blinked, sitting up a little straighter. "I forgot to tell you... but I have people helping me... with this." She lifted her hands and wiggled her fingers. "Like, I can control it now and there's like, all these different places, not just the fog. It doesn't hurt anymore, either."
It was good to make her laugh, and Carson smiled. He considered joking that his stuff was already all packed up since everyone had thought he was gone for good, but he didn’t want to make her feel guilty all over again or anything. His brows raised when something occurred to her, and inched even higher at what she said, as he looked at her hands. “Wow, that’s amazing,” Carson said, sounding impressed. “Like ... you’re legit like, a Stargate now? Who are these people?” The question of why didn’t you try to free us? crossed his mind, but Carson already knew the answer to that. Everyone else she’d locked away in the fog realm had been crazy and dangerous at the time, with her own boyfriend trying to kill her. Plus there were the monsters. Maybe she couldn’t control the destination that much anyway.
"I don't know what a Stargate is," Jules said with a sheepish smile. "But they're like... scientists. Not in a creepy way. They're the people my dad worked for when he died. I know Jane and Neil made them sound horrible, but they're not." If anything, Jane and Neil were the horrible ones for killing so many people, including her dad. She tried not to think about that, aware that she might try to do something terrible if it festered too much. "They're helping me. They haven't tried to make me do anything dangerous, they just want to make sure I can control it. I almost feel normal again, which is nice."
Carson had to laugh at the first part -- of course Jules didn’t know, she was way too young. The rest of what she said made him worry a bit, though he tried to keep it off of his face. He knew very little about all of that stuff, only Vex’s crazy ramblings and what Neil had said about being kidnapped and experimented on as a kid, so it didn’t feel like his place to contradict in either direction. And if they were really helping Jules with her power, that was a good thing, right? Still, Carson couldn’t help but be a little wary. “I’m glad you feel better, and that you’re learning,” he told her with a small smile. “Just ... watch your own back, okay? Be careful. I don’t wanna have to come back here to wolf out on some people for fucking with you.” Carson’s smile got a little wider.
Jules nodded. "I know. I'm not going to do anything that seems shady or whatever. And if someone fucks with me... I feel like I can handle it." AIR hadn't given her any reason not to trust them since she started visiting the facility. She always had Ethan with her too and she knew Ethan had her back, even if his uncle was the person in charge. "I promise I'll give you a shout if I need help though." She tapped her finger against her temple. "Things have been super chill lately so... maybe the worst of everything is like, over now."
He knew from experience that people Jules’s age thought they could handle much more than they actually could, but Carson wasn’t going to say so. She’d been through a lot, and she was probably tougher and more mature than most kids at eighteen, but life was so good at sucker punching you out of nowhere, especially around here. All Carson could do was support her though, and hope everything worked out okay. And check in, he was certainly going to be doing that. He nodded a bit. “Shout at Nic too, since he’ll be closer,” he advised her. Carson knew that Jules trusted Nic more than Neil, and he couldn’t really blame her for that. Nic would at least try to help. “But I hope so, for all of our sakes. That the worst is over.” He lifted his hand to tug lightly at the end of her blonde hair. “And you’ll get through the rest of it, I promise. Just try to take care of you and let go of what you can’t control.”
She hadn't spoken to Nic in months and she wasn't sure she would even want to reach out to him if she needed help with something. Maybe she would. But hopefully she wouldn't find herself in a position where she needed him. She didn't want to need anyone, if she was being honest with herself. Jules just wanted to be able to take care of herself. It felt like that would make everything so much easier. "I will," Jules said with a small smile. She would try to do everything he was suggesting, even if right now it felt like she was stuck in some bottomless pit of nothingness. It had to pass someday, right? It had to. Exhaling softly, she rubbed her hand on her thighs. "When are you leaving town?" He might have told her but it wasn't like she was paying close attention to anything over the last day or so.
If Carson could’ve meddled further and rearranged things in Jules’s brain to make it all better, he would have. But he knew more than most how that inner journey had to be taken alone. Outside people could support, but they couldn’t do the hard part. He just cared a lot about her and he hated that she was burdened with heartbreak too, on top of everything else. “In the next couple days,” he answered with a faint smile. “We’re out by the weekend, for sure. Got a long drive back to Virginia, and I know Rylee will want to rest up some before she goes back to work.” Everything was pretty well ready to go, Carson had just promised a bit more time to his family. His mother in particular was pretty upset that he was moving, which made him feel bad, but Carson really couldn’t see himself staying and retaining his sanity for long. He needed to breathe un-cursed air for a while. See the beach, like Jules had mentioned.
That was so soon. But Jules could understand the need to leave, especially after what Carson had been through. "You're going to miss like, all the fun summer stuff," Jules pointed out with a faint smile, though she had to imagine there would be tons more to do where he was going than there was in this dinky town. "I'll miss you, but I hope it's great and everything." She had stopped crying but now it felt like every ounce of energy she might have started the day with had been completely sucked out of her. "Take pictures and stuff? I've never been to Virginia. Are you going to have... you know... a place you can go on the full moon? Or is that not a problem anymore now that you have more control?"
He gave her an understanding smile when she mentioned the summer stuff -- Carson knew there would be a certain amount of homesickness he would have to deal with, and he did love the pier in the summer. But hopefully he and Rylee would find plenty of fun stuff to get into in Virginia. Without the looming threat of something horrible happening ... or at least a normal level of threat. Life was unpredictable everywhere for everyone, it was just a thousand times worse in Point Pleasant. “I’ll definitely take pictures, you should follow me on Instagram,” Carson said with a little grin. “I’ll miss you too. As for the moon ... jury’s still out on that one. I think I just missed the last full one, so I’ve got a bit until we find out how much control I have. If we can’t find a safe place down there for me, I’ll be driving back up here to spend the night in Vex’s cage, just in case. Keep your fingers crossed that I don’t even need it.”
Jules had always loved summer in Point Pleasant too. No school, plenty of sun and there was always stuff to do at the pier and on Main Street. She had been looking forward to spending the summer with Jasper, but now everything just felt blah. It was like winter depression, only with warmer weather. "That would be awesome," Jules murmured. "If you didn't need it, I mean. But if you do have to drive back for the full moon, like... let me know." She pointed to her head. "That way I can at least come and say hi before you leave again." Maybe someday she would get to leave. If she hadn't met Ethan, she probably would have been planning to go to college in California. Without Jasper, it didn't feel like anything would be keeping her here. But now there was Ethan and AIR and she didn't think she could go anywhere without them. Jules pushed away from the back of the sofa to lean over so she could hug Carson again.
“Of course I will, you’ll be the first to know,” Carson said, then let out a little ‘aw’ when Jules moved toward him. He scooted in a bit closer and gave her another hug, squeezing gently as he rubbed her back. “I’ll see you again, I promise,” he murmured. “Under happier circumstances.” Carson gave her a gentle squeeze before he let her go and smiled faintly. He wanted to tell her again that everything would be okay, that she was still very young and had lots of time to figure out love, but he didn’t want to be patronizing or downplay her current pain. He also knew that hearing that crap from an older person was rarely comforting, they just didn’t seem to understand. “Call me anytime if you want to talk, okay? Brain or phone.”
Jules felt a little uncertain about what the future was going to bring, but she definitely hoped Carson kept in touch. And she definitely hoped she was happier the next time they did talk. "I will," she promised before pulling back. "And, like, you can do the same thing? If you get bored in Virginia or you just want to know all the hot town gossip." Jules managed a faint, but teasing smile. Because she knew he probably had other people he wanted to see and say goodbye too, Jules got to her feet to walk with him back to the front door.
Carson gave her an easy grin back, then stood up as she did. “Of course, I’ll definitely miss the hot goss,” he said lightly. He knew as well as Jules did that said gossip would probably be creepy and bad in nature, because they lived in Point Pleasant, but it was a more fun reason to keep in touch than ‘checking to make sure you’re still alive.’ Once they’d reached the door, Carson pulled Jules into another brief hug. “Take care of yourself, Jules,” he murmured. He was guessing that she probably felt very alone in the wake of her breakup, and he wished he could tell her she really wasn’t, without sounding like a hypocrite because he was leaving. Carson just hoped she could feel it. He let her go and turned to head out the door.
"You too." Jules tried to smile again but it honestly just didn't feel right on her lips, so why even bother? She watched him head back to his car, feeling all the more jealous that he was getting out of this place while she suddenly felt very stuck and very alone. Maybe she wasn't completely alone, she still had a couple of friends she knew she could talk to but none of them really understood everything she and Jasper had been through. Carson didn't really know either, but he had been a part of so much of it... the horribleness anyway. Jules stayed in the doorway and watched until Carson was in his car and driving away. Once he was out of sight, she closed her door and shoved her hands into the pockets of her hoodie before heading back towards the stairs, and the comfort of her bed.