Who: Jules and Jasper Where: car, Juniper Inn When: Afternoon, Tuesday June 5th Warning: drugs and sadness Status: complete, Part 1
It was a strange, yet exhilarating feeling to wake up knowing she was officially an adult now. Eighteen and done with high school. Jules felt like she could do whatever she wanted… only, she didn’t really know what that was yet. Not that it mattered. Just the knowledge that she could was enough for her.
And she was going to spend the day with Jasper, which made the entire day even better. He was going to pick her up around noon so Jules took her time in the shower before taking great care with her hair and makeup. Since it was raining, which sucked, Jules opted for a dark yellow baby doll dress and leggings. Jules kept hoping the thunderstorms would ease up but knowing her luck, they were likely to last all day.
After putting on the necklace Jasper bought her for Christmas, Jules went downstairs to pull her shoes on and wait. She responded to various text messages wishing her a happy birthday until she heard Jasper’s car in the driveway.
Sending a quick text to her mom that she was leaving, Jules grabbed her bag and hurried out into the rain to get into Jasper’s car. Rather than be annoyed that the rain was potentially ruining her hair, Jules laughed breathlessly once she was safe inside and leaning over to kiss Jasper hello. “This weather sucks,” she said, slightly out of breath.
Jasper was disgruntled at the weather. He hadn’t even thought to check the forecast, and the plans he’d come up with involved some being outside. So when he’d woken up to thunder and downpour outside, it had soured his mood a bit. Luckily Ameila had helped him figure out how to turn his ideas into a Plan B that he hoped was going to make Jules happy. That was all he wanted to do today, so he’d tried to put the disappointment over shit he couldn’t control out of his mind. Along with everything else that had been preying on his mind. He didn’t want to think about anything but Jules.
He’d tried to look nice, and was glad he had when she got into the car with him, because she looked great, like always. “Fuck yeah, it does,” he agreed before he pressed a quick kiss to her lips. Jasper reached over the back of the seat to grab a bouquet of six pink roses from the back seat and presented it to her with a little half-smile. “Happy birthday, babe,” he said.
Jules's smile widened at the sight of roses. "Thank you. These are really pretty." She wasn't a girl who demanded flowers all the time but she was always happy when she got some. She leaned over to kiss him again and found she was just happy to be spending time with him, even if they didn't do anything. "So where are we going?" It was raining so she imagined they would be inside somewhere. Jules thought she ought to come up with some things she wanted to do today, but honestly, they could drive somewhere and make out in his car and Jules would consider that to be a good birthday.
A half-dozen roses was a paltry gift compared to what he wished he could give her, but Jasper didn’t want to hit his dad up for too much money, no matter how many times Gavin insisted he could give it. Help with an apartment was different than blowing a few hundred bucks on a present for Jules. He’d wanted to really romance her outside on a beautiful sunny day, but the weather was not cooperating. So Plan B it had to be. “It’s a surprise,” he told her with a cheeky little smile, turning back to hold onto the wheel. He put the car into gear and started to back out of her driveway. “How’s your morning been? Get a good night’s sleep and all?” he asked, his tone casual enough. He had a feeling they would be staying up late, so he hoped she was rested.
One rose would have been good enough for Jules. She almost teased him, Jasper Lucas buying his girl flowers... but she left it alone, bringing the roses up to her nose to smell them. "My morning was fine. I slept in. My mom got me pastries for breakfast. But honestly, I was lazy all morning. It was kind of nice. I feel like I got partied out on Saturday, you know?" Her party had been off the wall bonkers. She still didn't know what had gotten into everyone or if everyone was just crazy happy that school was out. "What about you? How are things at home?"
Jasper chuckled faintly. “Yeah, that was a crazy ass party,” he murmured. Looking back on it, it seemed a little weird, like they’d all been drugged with something a little wild. Or a lot wild. The emotional rollercoaster he’d been on seemed weird and embarrassing now, so he didn’t really want to talk about it in depth. His feelings were still kind of all over the place about a lot of things, but Jasper wanted to focus on Jules today, not himself. “Things’re all right at home,” he went on, glancing over at her with a little smile. Charlie’s house still didn’t feel much like home, so that felt odd to say, but he knew what she meant. “Elodie’s not gonna be hanging around as much, she’s got like, an aunt or something coming to adopt her.” He shrugged a shoulder. “No real news other than that. Did your mom bitch about our clean up job or anything?”
Crazy ass party was definitely one way to describe it. Memories of it made her want to laugh, but also cringe because ew, she really wished some of those people had found other places than her house to do some of the things they did. Jules was admittedly a little relieved to hear Elodie had a family member coming to get her. She knew Elodie and Jasper had sort of become friends now but Jules still didn't like the other girl. She just knew to keep that to herself now. "Mom was fine. I think. I mean, we cleaned up the best that we could. I think she would have freaked out more if she knew people were jumping off the porch roof into the pool. Thankfully no one was hurt or it would've been bad. Definitely not a night I'll forget though."
Jasper wasn’t even sure that he liked Elodie either. She was hard to like. But so was he, so they kind of fit together in that way. You didn’t have to like the people who were important to you, he’d learned that a long time ago in his family. She’d been important to him Over There, they’d needed each other, and that importance had carried over when they’d come back because she was the only one who understood what he’d been through. He didn’t know if they could actually help each other or not, they were both a mess, but he still needed that connection. Jasper chuckled faintly at what Jules said. “An insurance nightmare,” he murmured. But nobody had gotten hurt and jumping off the porch roof had been fun, so whatever, it was over. “Did she give you anything for your birthday? Are you like ... expected back for dinner or whatever?” he asked, glancing over at her again. Jasper hoped not, he had plans for them.
Jules shook her head. "She left me a birthday card on my nightstand this morning. She had to drive to Portland to deal with some of Edward's stuff... like, money things and all that since he's still... missing." She cleared her throat and tried to push back those bad memories. "We're going to The Boathouse Friday night to celebrate, so we can hang out for a long as you want to." She hoped that included the evening too, because all Jules wanted to do today was be with Jasper. "Knowing mom though, I'll probably get some money and like, clothes or whatever. I didn't really ask for anything this year. It's like I kind of forgot about it."
That was good to hear, and part of Jasper wished Ms. Cooper was staying the night in Portland so they could just use Jules’s house for all these festivities ... but they were at her place all the time. He’d wanted to do something different for her, a change of scenery. Someplace nice just for them. “Well, you’ve been kinda preoccupied,” Jasper said, glancing over at her with a tiny wry smile. It turned a bit more genuine as he went on. “But that’s okay, ‘cause we’re gonna celebrate the hell out of you today. In more of a lowkey way than last weekend, of course.” Jasper chuckled faintly. He still wasn’t sure what had been going on at that party, but it had been wild. Hoping she wouldn’t think his idea was insufferably corny, he turned down the street that led to Juniper Inn.
"Yeah." Preoccupied was a major understatement, but Jasper had been preoccupied too. Jules was hoping today they could push their problems aside and be happy again. Not that they were unhappy but things felt so weird these days. Jules licked her lips and then smiled over at him. "I'm totally down for lowkey celebrating. Last weekend was fun but like, exhausting too, being around everyone all night. I just want to be with you today." There was a very slim, slim chance that Jasper reached out to any of her friends today so she wasn't worried about a surprise party or anything like that. Jules got the impression that Jasper knew they needed some alone time too.
There was no way in hell Jasper wanted to talk to any of Jules’s friends, especially enough to put yet another event together. No, Jules had already had her massive party, and they did need alone time, so Jasper thought she would be happy with his plans, simple as they were. “That’s all I want too,” he murmured. Jasper let go of the steering wheel to reach over and find Jules’s hand for a gentle squeeze. “But I mean, it’s not my birthday, so I’m glad we’re on the same page.” He flashed her a small grin. “All day and all night, I’m yours.” The timing of the statement was pretty good, because a moment later he turned into Juniper and parked.
All day and all night sounded amazing and Jules's smile widened. She was still smiling when they turned into Juniper, but it became more curious than anything else. She had grown up in Point Pleasant but had never actually stayed at Juniper, though she had heard plenty of stories about it. "Are we staying here?" Jules asked, peering up at the building from Jasper's windshield. The possibility of that was really exciting, because it meant they didn't have to hide in her room and hope her mom didn't come home, nor did they have to hang out in Ms. Harris's basement. Maybe they would actually get real privacy, which felt kind of rare these days.
The rain was still coming down hard, which sucked, but at least they had somewhere dry and private to go immediately. Maybe they could take a nice bath together if they ended up soaked. Jasper planned to wear minimal clothing for the next eighteen hours or so anyway. “Yeah,” he answered with a little grin as he put the car into park and cut the engine. They were technically too young to rent a room at a hotel, but his dad had been nice enough to book it for them, and he knew the chick at the counter wasn’t going to really check his ID closely. Even if she did, Jasper had a fake one -- courtesy of his uncle Caden -- that showed he was twenty-one. “We got their biggest room too, the suite or whatever. Big bath tub, a little living area, the whole works.” He wasn’t sure yet how he would feel walking into Juniper, considering how he remembered it from Over There ... but Jasper would deal with whatever, for Jules’s sake. “I gotta get some bags outta the back if you wanna just run on in,” he added.
"Are you serious?" Jules's eyes widened at the thought of Jasper getting them a room - a big room - at Juniper. She knew the place wasn't cheap but she bit back the urge to ask him how much it had cost. It was an incredibly sweet gesture but she really hoped he didn't go broke for her birthday. Leaning over, Jules smiled before kissing him. "That's like the sweetest thing ever. I can help you get stuff if you want," Jules said. "I don't mind getting wet." That was probably not something she would have said eight months ago. Jules would have probably been whining about getting wet in any capacity because it would ruin her hair. Did that mean she had matured or something? It was a nice thought.
Jasper had fretted over the cost a bit already, but Gavin had waved him off in a grumbly sort of way. It probably helped that he liked Jules too, or they’d bonded over Jasper disappearing, or however you wanted to say it. It didn’t feel like a huge gift, considering how rich Jules’s family was, but she looked super excited about it, and that was making him feel better. Jasper kissed her back and then returned her smile, huffing out a little laugh. It was sweet of Jules to offer, but Jasper was being a Good Boyfriend today, so he couldn’t let her get soaked. “Hell no, it’s your birthday and you’re my queen, and birthday queens don’t carry stuff,” he said, stealing another little kiss. “Besides I got more little surprises, don’t want you snooping around. Go on in, I’ll be there in a minute.”
"Okay, fine." She sighed dramatically, but smiled and kissed him again before adjusting the flowers and her purse in her arms to reach for the door. She felt bad that he would probably get soaked, but honestly. Jasper would look hot all wet, so it wasn't totally bad and maybe she was allowed to be a little selfish on her birthday. It was still pouring so Jules tried to run as quickly as she could into the building without tripping. She still got pretty wet, so the cooler air inside the inn made her shiver. The girl at the front desk looked vaguely familiar to her, but she barely acknowledged Jules before going back to her phone. Slipping her purse higher up her shoulder, Jules looked out the door again before opening it for Jasper since his hands were full.
The bags Jasper needed to get were cloth reusable shopping bags -- Charlie had a million of them, it seemed -- full of fun supplies he’d packed for their overnight stay. Plus the food for the picnic he’d planned but the rain had ruined. That was what he got for not checking ahead in the weather forecast, he guessed. That was okay though, they would still have fun. Jasper gathered it all up as fast as he could while the rain beat down on his back, and he was pretty thoroughly soaked by the time he made it through the door with Jules. He laughed a little and wiped his face off on his arm, smooched her again, then headed toward the desk to check in. As predicted, the girl barely paid attention to them while she poked at the keyboard on the desk, and she didn’t question Jasper’s ID at all. Finally she slid the key card over to them, and the next minute they were on their way up the stairs to their room.
It was kind of weird how easy it was to get their room but Jules wasn't going to question it. Being who she was, she was always used to getting what she wanted without being questioned, so she put it out of her mind as soon as they were on the stairs. Upstairs was nice, even if it was just a hallway and a bunch of doors. There were nice paintings on the wall, most of them of Point Pleasant over the years. Obviously there were plenty of ghost stories about Juniper, but Jules didn't feel weird at all and she wasn't getting a bad vibe, so that helped her relax a lot.
As soon as they found their room and stepped inside, Jules was once again reminded of how much money Jasper had probably spent, just to be here. "This is really pretty," Jules told him as she set her flowers and purse down on the table. "I can't believe you did this." A part of her was tempted to flop on the bed but her clothes were still a bit damp, so she worked on taking off her shoes instead. As much as the weather sucked, it was sort of charming and romantic to hear it beating against the windows. Like they could just cozy up in this one room and pretend they were the only people in town.
Jasper did have some weird feelings, walking up the steps of Juniper. He hadn’t spent a lot of time at the inn Over There, largely preferring to avoid the other people as much as possible, but it was familiar enough to be strange. It didn’t look the same, of course, but walking the clean halls he’d walked down as they decayed and were overgrown with mold and fungus gave him a surreal feeling. Like it all might flash back to how it had been and he would realize he’d been stuck there all along. His heart was beating significantly harder by the time they reached their room and walked inside, and Jasper worried for a moment that sick feeling would stick around. It didn’t, though. He hadn’t been in this room Over There, he was pretty sure, so it felt different enough that the tension in his back relaxed a bit once the door was shut behind them. “Yeah it’s nice,” he agreed, glancing around as he set the bags down. He shrugged out of his wet jacket and went to hang it up somewhere to hopefully dry a bit. “I just wanted to like ... let us get away from it all for a while, you know? Without driving for like two hours.”
"Yeah, I know." Since they were inside now and it was warm and dry, Jules slipped her hands underneath her dress to peel off her leggings. "This is really nice. Kind of like, practice for when we have our own place," Jules said, smiling as she sat down to get leggings past her knees and all the way off. And she couldn't wait for that. Having their own space, not having to worry about parents and all that. After getting rid of her leggings, Jules walked over to Jasper to slip her arms around him. "But for the record, I would totally drive two hours with you. Longer, even."
He winced internally when she mentioned having their own place, that indecision inside him rearing up again. Jasper had known she would probably want to talk about that today, maybe make some plans, and he still wasn’t sure how to handle it. He didn’t want to upset her and ruin her birthday by being honest, they could have that talk later ... but at the same time he wasn’t sure Jules wouldn’t see right through him. The best he could do for now was change the subject, he guessed. Jasper put his own arms around Jules and leaned in to kiss her. “I know, but this is more fun, for your birthday,” he murmured with a little smile. “I brought like, food and stuff too -- I was gonna take you out for a picnic, but, y’know ... rain.”
"That's sweet, thank you." She nuzzled his nose with hers before smiling. "And I know the rain sucks, but... it's kind of nice too, now that we're here. We don't have to go anywhere if we don't want to." They could stay all day and night and if they ran out of food, they could order delivery. Jules was already finding she didn't want to step outside of this room at all today unless she absolutely had to. "Do you want to eat now?" He might have brought food that would spoil if they didn't eat it, but the room did have a small fridge, so she was sure they could put it away if he had other plans.
It did feel nice to be in a little cocoon with the weather so bad outside. Like the rain itself insulated them from the rest of the world. Part of Jasper was nervous about being so alone with Jules, with all the things he hadn’t said to her yet, all the stuff he’d done that would probably hurt her and piss her off, but he thought he could keep all that under wraps and just enjoy her company for a day. He damn sure hoped so, at least. She seemed happy with this, and he wanted to keep it that way. “I dunno, are you hungry at all?” he murmured, brushing his lips against hers and hugging her a little tighter. Jasper was feeling a bit peckish, now that they were here, but he wasn’t starving. He grinned faintly. “I also got us some other kinda treats, of the illegal variety.”
Happily oblivious to his thoughts, Jules nuzzled him some more, contemplating eating first or doing something else. Maybe she just felt super simplistic and basic today, but Jules just loved having her arms around him, being alone, and not having to worry about their friends, or her mom or anything in the outside world that seemed to cause problems. "Mmm, not like, super hungry," Jules admitted. "But I do like treats, especially the ones of the illegal variety. So maybe we could enjoy those first?" She pressed a kiss to his chin, still smiling. "Do you want to get out of your wet clothes or something first?" She wasn't sure if he brought a change of clothes or not, but who was to say they couldn't lounge around in their underwear if they wanted to?
Knowing they were spending the night together, Jasper had brought some flannel pants and a t-shirt to put on if he had to leave the room. He hadn’t expected to get this wet, so he hadn’t brought extra jeans or anything, so he hoped his clothes would dry enough overnight. He smiled back at her and nodded a bit. “Yeah, guess the striptease I had planned is gonna be kinda disappointing,” he murmured. Jasper gave Jules a squeeze and pressed a quick kiss against her lips, then pulled back and ambled toward the bathroom. “The stuff is in that blue bag, wrapped in a couple of ziplocks, if you wanna get it out,” he told her. He had weed ready, of course, several joints already rolled, but there was a baggie of mushrooms too that Logan had helped him get. He and Jules had never done shrooms together and he hoped it would end up fun for both of them.
"Any kind of striptease would be satisfying." Jules smirked and turned away to find the blue bag and unzip it. She was expecting weed, so that wasn't terribly surprising to find. But there were other things too and Jules pulled the ziplocks out, straightening away from the blue bag to go sit on the edge of the bed. For a brief moment she considered getting rid of her dress, but it wasn't that wet, so it could wait. She supposed she would be sleeping in her underwear unless Jasper packed her a t-shirt or something. Right now she was examining the ziplocks and what was in them. "Are these mushrooms?" Jules called out, opening the baggie to get a sniff of them. She had never done shrooms before although she knew they had been passed around a party or two in the past.
Jasper stripped down to his boxer briefs in the bathroom and hung his wet clothes up a bit haphazardly on the towel rack and the shower curtain rod. He grabbed for one of the towels to rub his head and shoulders off, chuckling a bit over Jules’s question. “Yeah,” he called back. “Logan had a hookup. They’re supposed to be good. Thought it might be fun to try, if you wanna.” Once he was less damp, Jasper emerged and ambled over to sit down next to Jules, smiling a bit. He’d done mushrooms before, but not with Jules. She smoked sometimes but wasn’t really into drugs, per se, but it was her birthday so he at least wanted to give her the option to try something new. “I’ve got plenty of weed though, if that’s all you want. Birthday girl.” Jasper leaned over to kiss her cheek.
"I think we can definitely try these," Jules said, opening the baggy to sniff inside of it. It was her birthday, after all, and it wasn't like Jasper was handing her a bag of cocaine. Shrooms seemed innocent enough and if she hated it, they could always smoke weed later. She noticed, belatedly, that he was in his boxer briefs, so Jules handed him the baggy to hold as she stood from the bed and gripped the hem of her dress to pull up and off of her body. "It's only fair," she said, tossing her dress onto the bed. She didn't mind hanging out in her bra and panties for the time being. Jules stood in front of Jasper and ran her hands over his shoulders before leaning over to press a kiss to his lips. "Let's see what the shrooms are all about."
He held the shrooms while Jules took her dress off, his eyes roaming over her as she revealed more skin. It was probably fucked up of him, but being in their underwear made Jasper feel more comfortable and settled being there. Like nothing could really go wrong if they were so comfortable and open together. He moved his knees open further as she stepped in closer, his free hand reaching out to skim over her hip and thigh as he tilted his face up for the kiss. “Hell yeah,” he murmured. “Think you’re gonna like it. We need something to drink though, hang on.” Jasper patted her leg and moved to stand up so he could fetch the bottles of water and soda he’d brought along. Shrooms were great, but they didn’t taste very good, so it was good to have something to wash them down with.
Jules crawled back up onto the bed to sit, watching Jasper grab some drinks. He had definitely come prepared. There was a prickle of anticipation when he rejoined her and Jules took one of the bottles of water he held. "Have you done this before?" It seemed like he had though never with Jules around. She wondered what other drugs he might have tried before they got together. If Logan had a "hook up" then it was probably more than weed. It occurred to Jules that she didn't really know much about the things Jasper did before they started hooking up, beyond what was speculated. They had run in completely different circles, after all.
While he was up and going through bags, Jasper tucked a couple of different things into the small fridge in the room, just so he wouldn’t forget later. He was smiling as he returned to Jules, and he twisted the cap off of the soda bottle he’d gotten for himself. “Yeah, a couple times,” he said. Jasper got the pillows propped up behind them and settled in comfortably. “It’ll take a bit to kick in, you’ve got to start digesting it and everything, but it’s fun once you’re tripping.” He opened up the baggy and plucked out a few of the dried mushroom caps. “Since you’ve never done it before and you’re tiny, you should probably only start with like ... two.”
Jules eyed the mushroom caps before reaching over to take two. "Have you ever had, like, a bad trip?" She wanted to wait until Jasper took some first before popping them into her mouth. "Or is that only for harder drugs." Despite how many parties she had been to in the past she had never witnessed anyone freaking or having to go to the hospital. Jules could just imagine herself running around this place in her underwear and having that girl downstairs call the cops on her. Then again, but they would let her go if she told them it was her birthday. But Jules knew she was getting way ahead of herself and it was likely that all this would do would chill them both out and that sounded really good right about now.
“Nah, both of mine were good,” Jasper assured her, picking up one of the shrooms as well. “Like, you can have a bad trip, if you’re already in a bad mood when you start, or you’re in like, a scary situation. So they say just make sure everything is chill, and you’ll be fine.” He wasn’t positive that everything was chill inside of him, but the environment was nice and calm, so he wasn’t too worried. He just hoped tripping wouldn’t loosen his tongue too much. He popped the brown lump into his mouth and started chewing. It tasted earthy and a little sour, but chewy enough that he was glad he had a drink nearby. He followed the first one with two more together, wincing a little as he swallowed those down. “They’re more fun than they taste,” he muttered.
Jules huffed softly, eying the shrooms. She wasn't in a bad mood and for once, she wasn't in a scary situation, so maybe this would be okay. Twisting the cap off of her water, she took a sip and followed Jasper's lead and slipped the shrooms into her mouth. He was right, they didn't taste good at all and Jules made a face as she chewed before washing them down with more water. "That's nasty," she said, but sounded good natured about it. "Why couldn't they be like... magic strawberries." Another sip of water and Jules set her bottle down on the nightstand by the bed. She had no idea what to expect and that was really part of the excitement. Then she moved back to Jasper, shifting around on the bed until she was behind him and could slip her arms around him, nuzzling her face against his neck. "Now I'm going to have to top all of this for your birthday."
Jasper chuckled a bit, it was a valid question. “Even more people would do ‘em then and we’d all be fucked, people would be tripping all the time,” he suggested with a soft smirk. Jules’s warmth felt nice behind him and he leaned back against her a bit. “Good thing you’ve got some time to plan,” he said, giving a little smirk. “Is that what we’re gonna do, keep one-upping each other until we die?” Jasper settled his head back against Jules’s shoulder. As uncertain as he felt about their immediate future, it felt natural to say they would be together for years. He couldn’t imagine his life without Jules, which was part of what made all this confusion so distressing. But Jasper wanted to relax today, keep things simple. He just wanted to be with her.
"Tripping all the time wouldn't be the worst thing," Jules pointed out. She peppered tiny kisses along his jaw before squeezing him gently. "Maybe we don't have to keep one-upping each other, but we can like... just get to where we're equal and stay there.” Beyond just what Jasper did for her today, so far, Jules wanted to make sure he had a good summer, and a great birthday at the end of it. They had been sleeping together when he turned eighteen but they hadn't seen each other on his actual birthday and she hadn't gotten him anything either. That would have been weird considering they were just hooking up and bickering all the time. But she would do something special this year. "Your birthday isn't that far away, only a couple of months." She nibbled lightly as his ear. "I don't feel anything yet. Does it usually take a while?"
His own birthday seemed a million years in the future to Jasper, even though he technically knew better. He kind of felt like his experience had shifted him out of the normal timeline, and he was on his own weird timetable. Turning nineteen wasn’t a huge deal to him, it wasn’t a milestone birthday, he wouldn’t be able to legally drink ... not that that felt important either, since he drank whenever he wanted now. Jasper chuckled faintly over his sudden mental image of what ‘equal’ might look like if they kept lavishing each other with exciting birthdays. Skydiving every year, maybe. Jules’s little nibble felt nice, and Jasper half-smiled, starting to feel nice and lazy himself. That probably had more to do with her and the white noise of the rain outside than anything else. “Yeah it takes a while,” he told her. “Gotta start digesting it. But yeah ... doesn’t feel like it. My birthday. Seems like it should still be like, March, to me. I don’t ... nothing feels straight in my brain anymore. It’s weird.”
Digesting. Jules supposed she could be patient and wait. They had the whole day and night, after all. Besides, she was happy to have her arms around him, her hands on his bare skin. He was leaning against her and his body was warm and solid. She nuzzled his neck, still remembering how miserable she had been while he was gone. It made her want to cling to him tight and never let him leave her sight again. "You're probably still adjusting to being home," she murmured, resting her chin on his shoulder. "What's going on in your brain? What doesn't feel straight?" Jules was assuming he was just trying to get back to a normal routine with sleeping and eating and everything. But she did worry sometimes if that place messed him up somehow and he just wasn't able to recognize it yet.
Jasper realized he probably shouldn’t have said anything. But there were a lot of things on his mind, pushing to be set free. Was that the raised-Catholic part of him coming out and making him want to confess to someone who loved him? Jasper didn’t even really believe in God anymore, so the only ones who loved him were his family and Jules. And Logan. Probably Ruby too. But it was a short list and none of them were able to fix him, he knew that. Damn, were his thoughts already starting to drift into a higher state? Probably because he hadn’t eaten much that day yet. “Like walking in here, I kinda ... expected it to all shift back, for a minute. Like I just dreamed coming home, and I’m really still there,” he murmured. “Most of them stayed in Juniper almost the whole time, you know. I did sometimes, but ... I dunno, it made me claustrophobic. But there’s a lot here on this side that doesn’t feel real anymore ... or maybe I forgot what ‘real’ is supposed to feel like. I get super scared sometimes. More than I did there, I think, like it’s been on a delay. Like it’s catching up to me.”
Jules listened, trying not to frown too deeply as he spoke. She knew being back had been an adjustment to him, but she hadn't known how difficult it really was. There was a part of her that wanted to ask if he wanted to leave, go somewhere else. But if Jasper really hadn't been comfortable here, she doubted he would have brought her. They could have gone to that motel by Cherries, or... somewhere else. Her arms tightened around him, like it might somehow make him feel better, more grounded. "What doesn't feel real?" she murmured. Jules just wanted him to talk, like maybe getting it off of his chest would help him somehow. She knew how scary it could be, how hard it was to repress things and pretend things were okay when they weren't. It could simmer inside of Jasper until it came to a boiling point and Jules didn't want that to happen to him. If she could think of a way to help him, she would, but Jules didn't want to say or do the wrong thing, didn't want to say exactly what was expected when she knew it wouldn't really help much.
Jules’s arms around him did feel good and grounding, and Jasper let his eyes drift closed for a moment to just focus on feeling her presence. He wasn’t sure how to explain to her that everything kind of felt unreal, to varying degrees. Moments of surreality just washed over him now and then, and the world around him felt like a dream. Or sometimes when he was lying awake, his brain got flooded with ‘what if’ questions that made him question his location and more importantly his own sanity. There were the mood swings, the guilt he was still carrying over Joseph’s death, the sudden onset of crowd-anxiety ... “Me, mostly,” he answered finally. Jasper realized he was probably worrying the shit out of her, and he was going to send her down a bad trip if he didn’t shut up soon. He pulled in a deeper breath and moved to sit up and twist to give her a little smile. “I don’t wanna bum you out today, sorry,” he murmured.
"You're not going to bum me out," Jules promised. "I want you to talk to me about this stuff. I can't help if I don't know what's going on." She wasn't sure she could help even if she did know what was going on, but at least she could try. "It does feel strange, leaving some place like that and stepping back into... this place. And you were there for months, Jasper, which I'm sure makes it even harder. And then there's everything you were going through before... before you were gone." Jules inhaled softly. "I think there's just like... a lot for you to deal with right now. We've just got to figure out the best way for you to do that." It wasn't as easy as just assuring him that he was safe and okay. Jules knew her brain didn't always work that way so she didn't expect Jasper's to.
Jasper just looked at her for a moment, trying to get his thoughts in order. He didn’t think she could help even if he told her every detail of everything. It was just beyond what any one person could do for him or say to him. Jasper felt fundamentally changed by the experience, on a level he couldn’t even really describe to himself, much less anybody else. He at least knew Jules was speaking from experience now about stepping between worlds, but it bothered that deep insecure part of him that she’d experienced those things with Ethan. Those places couldn’t have been as hellish as where Jasper had been locked for months, and resentment reared up inside of him for a brief moment. How could she even begin to possibly understand what he’d been through and what he was dealing with? He tried to swallow the acid back, like so many other things. “I dunno if you can help me,” he told her, but tried to do it gently. “I dunno if anybody can, really. I can’t even name what’s wrong all the time. I’m just ... wrong.”
"You're not wrong," Jules said softly. "You're just different now, because of that place. And maybe I can't help, maybe I'd be totally useless, but I could try, you know? Find someone you could talk to, or... we can try to find out if that place did anything to you that you don't know about. It could be more than just a feeling." It was a reminder that she had tried to help him before and had ended up having to lock him in that place. That was a failure she didn't want to repeat. "Elodie was with you. And Bash's mom. Maybe they're feeling the same way." She could ask Bash to talk to his mom, or she could talk to Mrs. McCarthy herself.
He couldn't help but scoff softly when Jules brought up Elodie. “She was there, but having a real conversation about feelings with Elodie? Doubt it,” he muttered. The idea of trying to talk to Bash’s mom about what their experience had been like and how she was feeling now turned Jasper’s stomach a little bit. He knew Jules was trying to be helpful and think of people she knew for him to talk to, and maybe it actually would be helpful, but he still felt resistant to it. Jasper was home safe now, it was over, he should just be able to handle the aftermath himself. Amelia had, and she’d been gone for a fucking decade, to her. If he did need to talk, he definitely wasn’t going to be talking to Brianna McCarthy in any depth, she probably disliked him on principle. Jasper shifted around on the bed until he was sitting beside her, and he slipped an arm around her back. “I’ll track down one of the others to ask, okay? Just to see if it’s ... just me, y’know?”
Jules didn't know if he would actually do that or not. She knew Jasper well enough to know he probably wanted to ignore it if anything. Leaning in, she pressed a kiss to his jaw. "Promise me you will...." Already she was thinking maybe Dr. Wilkes would have some answers. He could do some tests and find out if Jasper carried anything back with him. And while Jules thought she was maybe starting to feel the effects of the shrooms, she still knew better than to bring it up right now. Dr. Wilkes was connected to Ethan and Jasper didn't like Ethan. Mentioning him now would just push Jasper into a sour mood. "I just want to do whatever I can," she murmured. "I don't want you to feel wrong, or scared. I want you to feel safe and... happy."
Jasper might drag his feet a bit, but maybe she was right and talking to one of the others would be a good idea. Maybe the cop who had held everything together at Juniper, or the guy he’d seen there with the cool hair. Or the old weirdo who ran around with the werewolf. He wondered briefly how he would find any of them, but dismissed the thought immediately with a strange sense that it wouldn’t be a problem. “I promise,” he told Jules with a nod, then quirked a tiny smile. “And that’s like, a birthday promise, so ... unbreakable. I know you do, and I love you for it.” Jasper gave her a gentle squeeze and turned his head to kiss her temple. Her hair smelled nice, but it always did. No matter what he’d been through, he was glad it hadn’t been Jules in there, filthy and terrified. He didn’t know if he would ever feel fully safe and happy again -- or hell, if he ever actually had in his life for more than five minutes -- so he couldn't promise that, but he did appreciate that she wanted the best for him. “How are you feelin’?” he murmured against her hair.
Jules had no idea if the Other Place was the same place she had seen when she wrecked her car. No. It had been Point Pleasant but not... foggy Point Pleasant. The place she and Phee had found themselves in seemed to be closer to where Jasper had gone, but at the same time... different. Thinking about it made her head hurt, especially considering everything she knew now. Jules still harbored a lot of guilt about what had happened and what Jasper and the others had gone through. While he had never explicitly said so, Dr. Wilkes had implied before that it was Jules who brought those fog monsters here in the first place, even though she had no idea how she could have done it unless it was from her dreams with Carson and the others. That meant they had a lot of responsibility on their shoulders... it was just that no one knew that but Jules. Now wasn't the time for some random confession though. Instead Jules leaned against Jasper, wanting to feel his body and let it keep her in the present. "Kinda weird," she admitted with a soft laugh. "But not bad weird. It doesn't feel like it does when we smoke weed... How are you feeling?"
Jasper had some idea of how guilty Jules probably felt about everything that had happened, but he didn’t know the depth of it. Nor did he think she would really tell him, just like he had internal resistance to telling her just how bad off he had been ... or still was. He didn’t want to compound her guilt. It sucked that they both had this big thing that they couldn’t fully share with each other, or fix for each other, but Jasper didn’t know what to do about it. He obviously said too much when he did start talking, and he didn’t want to blurt out some of the things that crossed his mind sometimes. So he tried to push all that away. His goal today was to give Jules a good birthday, and that was all he wanted to focus on. Especially now that he could feel the effects of the mushrooms starting to kick in. His body was starting to feel floaty and warm, his thoughts slowing down and shifting gears. He smiled faintly at her answer. “I’m feeling okay,” he murmured. “It’s starting to kick in, I think.” Jasper lifted his free hand to slowly wave it in front of his face, and yup, he was starting to get tracers.
There was so much Jules wanted to tell him, things she wanted to share about her experiences. But they involved Ethan and Jules didn't want him resenting her for the things she had done since he had been gone. That wasn't to say she had been happy, because she hadn't been. Not fully, anyway. But Jules could feel that wall between them, where they were both trying to tread carefully, not to overwhelm or upset the other. She didn't really like it. She was used to talking to Jasper, telling him things she couldn't tell anyone else. Right now, with her own mind feeling lighter, if that was even possible, it felt more silly than upsetting. They loved each other, they should be able to tell each other anything. She grinned at the sight of him waving his hand in front of his face. Maybe the shrooms would make him feel better, at least for a little while. "It feels nice," she murmured, moving to lay down on her back. The bed was super comfortable. "We should like... make it a weekly thing when we live together. Call it like... Sunday Shrooms, you know, like how people do Taco Tuesdays?"
Jasper tittered a bit, and was relieved not to feel that spike of anxiety that kept showing up when Jules mentioned them moving in together lately. He knew that conversation had to happen, and it ought to be soon, but he didn’t want to do it on her birthday. Especially not now, when they were starting to trip. He just wanted to feel good and be happy with her for now. Besides, what if he changed his mind? What if all those doubts just went away and he was fine again? It was completely unrealistic, but it was exactly what Jasper wanted. He moved to join her in stretching out, gazing up at the ceiling that didn’t look completely flat anymore, little waves rippling through it. “Sunday Shrooms, Weed Wednesdays, Taco Tuesdays ... Friday Fucks and Saturday Sex?” he murmured with a lazy grin. Jasper felt around until he found Jules’s hand and lightly tangled their fingers together.
The ceiling did look strange to her. Just... more colorful which was weird because it was a ceiling. Jules had to blink a couple of times, trying to right her vision before realizing it was probably the shrooms. It drew a giggle out of her, though she wasn't entirely sure what was so funny. "I like that. We'll put a calendar on the wall and write it down like... a schedule. You forgot Monday though. Missionary Monday? And we'll save all the kinky stuff for the weekend." Jules squeezed her fingers around his. "And I don't even care if it's like... Boring Monday... what's another word for boring... Mundane Monday. Or like, Munday... oh my god.. Munday." That had been a total mistake in her head, but it was genius. "I just want to be with you like... every day. And sleep with you every night. And we'll just, like, figure this all out together. I'll help you be okay and you'll help me be okay and we'll just be okay, together." Her tongue felt kind of funny and Jules wondered if she was actually talking out loud or if it was all her internal dialogue.
With his brain starting to process the foreign chemicals, Jasper was able to imagine that kind of life extremely vividly. It looked like some 50s-era family show, even black and white in his mind’s eye -- him coming home from work in a suit, from some unnamed ‘office’, and hanging his hat up when he walked in the door, Jules appearing in one of those fluffy-skirt dresses, hair all done up, makeup, a cocktail for him in her hand. Dinner would be ready and then they could check the calendar for what kind of sex day it would be ... It was ridiculous and cartoonish of course, and it made him start to laugh. He wasn’t laughing at Jules or what she really said, just how his mind interpreted it into TV. Maybe because being okay, especially being okay together, seemed like something so pollyanna and bizarre, it had to come from retro television. He didn’t want her to feel bad, but once he got the giggles he couldn’t seem to stop, even when he put his hands over his mouth. The contact distracted him some, and Jasper started tracing the outline of his lips with his fingertips. “D’you ever think like ... who invented kissing?” he murmured. His mind was wandering, and he knew it, but it was nice to relax and just let it go.
It was funny, wasn't it? Jules didn't know, but Jasper was laughing and that triggered her own giggles, even if she wasn't sure what part they were laughing about. She continued to blink, trying to figure out if the room had always been this colorful. It was so pretty. Rolling onto her side, she watched as Jasper touched his lips. "No, but I bet it was a woman," she said, reaching out to boop his nose with her finger. "Or maybe a man because women lips are so pretty. But your lips are pretty too. Especially when you're all pouty." Feeling restless, Jules sat up and found herself sitting up to look around the room. She brought her hand up, like she could touch all of the colors she could suddenly see. Every time it seemed like she got close to grabbing one of the swirly things in her line of sight, it moved away. "This is like... the bridge. All of the colors there. With flowers." Jules's hand lifted higher before she realized she had pretty fingers and Jules wiggled them, laughing a bit at the tracers left behind.
Was he ever pouty? Wait, was he ever not pouty? That thought made Jasper titter some more. He hadn’t quite gotten his father’s plush lips, but Jasper knew his mouth was pretty well-made. He was glad Jules liked it, at least. And Logan. Though he wasn’t supposed to talk about that, he reminded himself. Shhhhh. He rolled his head to look at Jules when she sat up, slow-blinking a few times to try and clear the way she swam and waved in his vision, like she was underwater. Everything was definitely getting prettier, and Jasper was starting to hear some music in the sound of the rain beating on the building. “What bridge?” he asked in a murmur, reaching out to lightly run his fingers up and down the length of Jules’s thigh.
Jules did love Jasper's lips. And his nose, and his eyes. Everything about him was pretty, in a manly way, of course. She liked kissing him more than anything else, and all of those pleasant tingles that fluttered about inside of her when she did. Did he get tingles when he kissed her too? "Sweetbriar." Sweetbriar. That was such a nice word. She wanted to say it again but she licked her lips instead. "It has colors everywhere...and flowers and water..." Jules smiled and moved her hands around a bit. "There's a doorway there. We opened it. And it's so pretty. Almost like in here." She felt so strange but it was so nice and she couldn't stop staring at the room. Things were moving, almost dancing in her vision. Jules kind of wanted to get up and dance herself.
For a moment Jasper was trying to picture the covered bridge and whether it had any doors in it, but then he realized what Jules meant by ‘doorway’ and who she meant by ‘we.’ Her and Ethan. He took a slower, deeper breath, his stoned imagination rolling out a beautiful technicolor otherworldly scene in his mind, with Jules and Ethan holding hands as they romped through fields of alien flowers. Darkness started to cloud the edges of his vision, and when Jasper’s eyes ticked toward it, it formed into patches of black mold in the corners, slowly spreading along the ceiling and walls. Black mold and blooming fungus. What he’d lived in for so long while Jules was in some flowery heaven with another guy. His body felt heavy and weighed down suddenly, in contrast to her restlessness, and Jasper let his hand fall to the bed and shut his eyes, aware on some level he had to redirect himself or he would just sink and sink, through the bed and then through the floor and the ground and into a cold grave of defeat. “Sounds pretty,” he mumbled.
"It was," Jules murmured. "I was afraid everything, everywhere would be scary and ugly, you know?" And the place near the bridge reminded her a lot of what was happening now, except this was because of mushrooms and not her weird-ass hands and what she held in them. Even Jasper's boxer briefs looked kind of blurry, but bright and belatedly, Jules realized he wasn't stroking her skin anymore, which was a shame because it had felt so nice. She turned toward him, carefully crawling over his body until she was straddling his lap. Jules leaned down to nuzzle his jaw and throat. "There are so many pretty places. I want to show you someday." Because she wanted to share this with him. It was something she should share with him, like everything else. "You smell really nice too."
He wasn’t sure he could imagine another world that wasn’t scary and ugly, but Jasper was glad that Jules had found one. Or he tried to be glad for it, anyway. It was good she hadn’t been stuck where he was, hadn’t fully experienced that place. It was good, it was good. Jasper’s eyes cracked open again when Jules climbed on top of him, but he could see the black fungus growing and spreading behind her, so he closed them again. He slipped his arms loosely around her, every movement feeling sluggish and draggy, like he was underwater. He tried to focus on how her nuzzling felt, how he never felt anything good like that Over There. He wasn’t There, he was Here, with Jules, on her birthday, and they were tripping balls and that was why he felt so weird. He stroked his hands down her soft sides and tried to ground himself in her. “You’re my pretty place,” he whispered. “My only pretty place.” Jasper’s mind was too slick and shifting to really grasp onto the association of Ethan with what Jules wanted to show him, but it was there under the surface. Ethan, and a fear of going through another portal that was too deep for him to really understand.
"I like being your only pretty place... no one else gets to visit me, but you." It was a silly thing to say, corny and cheesy and yet it felt completely accurate. While Jasper felt sluggish, Jules felt light, like she might float away at any moment and Jasper's hands were the only thing keeping her from doing so. She smiled at his words, feeling them radiate inside of her. Could words do that? Jules straightened over him and she wished he would open his eyes. They were so pretty, like everything else about him. She was about to say so, but the rain at the window was distracting and Jules slipped off of Jasper to wander across the room. It seemed to take forever, like she was walking in one place for far too long. But then the curtains were in her hands and she pushed them open. It was like watching diamonds melt against the glass. Was this really all from a nasty tasting mushroom? Jules placed her hands on the glass and giggled. "Where does Logan even get stuff like this? This is so much better than smoking weed."
Jasper didn’t want her to go from on top of him, but it seemed like she was gone before he could do anything, his hands sliding uselessly off of her and landing on his thighs. His eyes opened again, and much to his relief the mold had receded. It was still lurking at the edges, he could feel it there, watching him with the eyes it didn’t have. If he didn’t do things right, it would come back and engulf him and take him back There, he felt sure of it. Jasper forced himself to sit up with what felt like great effort and a grunt. The light from the window seemed much brighter than it ought to be for such a rainy day, flooding in around Jules’s slim silhouette. She was so beautiful. He wanted to be touching her some more, so he hauled himself up off the bed to shuffle over to the window next to her. The water and the light were definitely dazzling and he squinted a bit as he put a hand on Jules’s lower back. “Some guy he works with,” he answered belatedly. Jasper smiled faintly as he looked at Jules’s pretty shimmering face. She was like a sun, all golden and shiny and perfect. “M’glad you like it,” he murmured. That meant he’d done a good job, right? A good thing to keep him in this world. The mold couldn’t have him.
"I do like it." Jules looked over at him, so pleased to see him standing there with his eyes open. They were so blue, like those blue jewels... what were they called? Emeralds? No, those were green, right? Just... something that looked like the ocean. Those were his eyes. She was staring at them like they were hypnotic somehow and they were. She could just go swimming in them if he'd let her. "Last year I had gotten dumped right before my birthday and it sucked and I was pouty and sad and... then you showed up and everything was amazing again." She turned away from the window and slipped her arms around his waist to pull him close and nuzzle his chest. "I got lucky because you're so pretty too and perfect." His skin felt lovely under her hands and Jules lifted her face a bit to smile at him. "You're perfect."