mila (listentoteeth) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2021-02-11 12:12:00 |
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Entry tags: | #june 2018, adrian, adrian x mila, mila |
Who: Adrian & Mila
Where: Aaron and Mila's place
When: Early afternoon, June 3rd, Sunday
Status: Complete
Going home was the hardest thing Adrian had to psych himself up for. Most of the bad shit that had happened to him happened without warning and while this wasn't a bad thing, it made him more anxious than he could explain. He'd sat for a long time with Aaron and Mila trying to concoct some half believable story about where he'd been all this time but in the end he knew he couldn't straight up lie to his parents so that's what it would boil down to in the end. I can't tell you.
He almost felt like getting drunk beforehand but that would only be worse so he let the anxiety wash over him in waves as he waited for Antonio and Maria to come over. That was how it was best to do it, they'd decided. Have them come over, let Mila talk to them first and not have Adrian show up on their doorstep with all the shock and disbelief that might bring up. It wasn't the most realistic fear but Adrian still couldn't help but think he'd give one or both of them a heart attack if he just showed up, or at the very least a nervous breakdown.
It went about as well and as badly as he'd expected. There was crying, so much crying, and like a yawn it infected everyone in the room eventually. Then there was anger, because of course there was anger. The impotent kind that wasn't directed at anything in particular, just the situation as a whole. Then the anger became somewhat more pointed because why wouldn't he tell them the truth? Antonio was calmer, more understanding, but Maria had never done well at that. She felt betrayed and hurt at being left in the dark and Adrian kind of wished he'd just told her that story he'd thought of, where he'd had amnesia and gone roaming the countryside with some unnamed bunch of hippies. Making up a group of people he could never contact was just a bad idea so he had to stick with his conviction on this one. It was sensitive, he told them, the sheriff knew the truth but they wouldn't understand and it was classified or some shit. But he was home now, that had to be enough. Hopefully happiness would override the anger in the long run.
He did hint at the amnesia, Maria touched the scar on his head more than once in between hugging him and looking him over like he was damaged goods. To be fair, he was damaged goods but it hurt to see that look on her face anyway. They were reluctant to leave and so they stayed far too late into the evening, well past their bedtime if Adrian remembered them right. They wanted him to come home and stay with them but he wanted to stay with Mila. It'd be good to have a second place to crash if Mila wanted her privacy but he knew damn well it would get suffocating to stay at his parents' house for long. Still, he couldn't blame Maria for wanting to hold him close and never let him go again, the wayward son, back from the dead.
He was absolutely exhausted when they finally did leave and when Aaron offered him a beer, he accepted it, even if he knew it'd probably knock him out cold if he drank the whole thing. Maybe because he knew that. He leaned in against Mila when she sat down next to him on the couch, resting his head on her shoulder and closing his eyes, taking in a deep breath. "You'd let me know if you want me to go stay with them, right?" he asked quietly but he was pretty sure she knew what answer he was really looking for and it wasn't the possible truth.
Mila had known this moment would be stressful and emotional for everyone involved. She did what she could to lessen the shock for her parents, but finding out their presumed dead son was alive was something they would have to deal with in their own way, in their own time. They had buried Adrian years ago. And then they had lost Mila and had her returned... now they had Adrian. It was a lot of emotional strain on them but they handled it as well as could be expected. Mila was glad that Adrian had chosen to tell them the truth... sort of... because keeping up a lie would be more and more difficult as the years went by. Maybe someday they would know the whole truth, but for now, they knew enough.
After their parents had gone, Mila pressed a kiss against Adrian's head and took his hand in hers. "I would," she answered, resting her head to his now. "But I want you to stay here as long as you need to. I know you love them but mom can be... suffocating sometimes." She said it with affection in her tone. "They already lost you once, so I wouldn't blame them for wanting to keep an eye on you twenty four seven. Are you feeling okay? I know that was pretty heavy."
She was right, their mother could be overwhelming but Adrian had never experienced the full depth of how difficult she could be. He'd been the first born, the only son, the golden boy for as long as he could remember. Maria had tutted and bemoaned at his hijinks growing up but she'd never before looked at him like she had today and he could still feel the hurt from it deep in his bones. He wasn't even sure what to make of it, disappointment or worry or a mix of both? Maybe he was projecting his own guilt but it felt like she could see just how much bad he'd done when she looked at him and it made his skin crawl. There was no way he could go live with his parents and he was sure it would take a while before things returned to anything resembling normal. "That was heavy," he agreed quietly. "Thanks for taking the edge off."
"Once the shock wears off, things will get better," Mila promised. "When I lived with them after I came back, she followed me from room to room for the few week or so. Once she realized I wasn't going anywhere, she started easing off. Just... don't ignore her phone calls or she'll just show up here to check on you." She gave Adrian a gentle, teasing nudge. "The worst of it is over now. Mom and dad know... you don't have to hide anymore. You can go out and... do whatever you want, Adrian." She knew Sheriff Barrett was working on making sure Adrian was legally "alive" again and all of that. It was a process, but she didn't think Adrian would have to limit himself to her house anymore. He could start to live again.
Adrian let out a sad little laugh as he imagined Maria trailing after Mila like that. It was easy to imagine and he did understand why she would actually do that but it was still a little funny in a sad kind of way. "Willing to bet she's having a serious conversation with God right about now," he mumbled and sat up straighter. "Good job hiding the baby bump by the way." He reached around to pat her stomach pointedly. "One big news at a time." Maybe Maria would find new hope now that both her own children had been through hell and back, she might see the child as a fresh beginning of sorts, a new person in the family without unspoken trauma weighing them down. As long as Mila and Aaron got hitched, Adrian was sure Maria would eventually be happy about becoming a grandmother. It was easier to think about that than it was to think about his own future. It was terrifying being back, he knew he'd be running into people he used to know, people who'd be surprised and shocked to see him alive. None of his close friends of course, there was nobody he really needed to call and break the news to because they'd all been there in the woods with him. But relatives, old co-workers, old classmates. He wondered who all had been at his funeral and it was a surreal thing to think about.
"Mom has serious conversations with God every day," Mila pointed out. She grinned and slipped her hand over her stomach. She was starting to show but she had worn a baggier shirt that day to hide it. Honestly, Mila could have been giving birth on the table and she was pretty sure her parents wouldn't have noticed. Not with their son, newly returned from the grave, in the room. "I may be able to get away with hiding it through the summer if I'm smart. Or at least until the wedding." She had already started to look at wedding gowns with empire waists too, just in case. But it didn't seem right to talk about that right now. "Is there anything Aaron and I can do to help make this easier? Do you think... maybe talking to a therapist would help you?"
"God no," Adrian said reflexively because the instant he thought of therapists he thought of the fact that they could report him to the police if they thought he might be a risk to himself and others. Snapping and killing people was definitely a warning sign to that effect and he couldn't explain to a therapist that he was possibly getting help from witches to contain that problem. But Mila didn't know that and he let out an awkward huff of a laugh. "I mean, no. I'd have to go out of town, I probably know everyone here from work." He shook his head and the fact that this was a hassle didn't really warrant his stubborn stance on it. "You guys are already doing so much," he added. "If I hadn't won that scratch ticket I wouldn't be contributing shit." Toby had come through on that one so he'd felt a little less guilty at least, being able to pay for the massive amounts of food he had to consume.
"You'll get there," Mila promised. "It's just a process... one day at a time, right? And maybe once you're ready, you can go back to work and just have a normal life." She paused before chuckling. "Well, as normal as it can be. You know what I mean. And therapy, you know, you don't have to tell him everything. But, Adrian, what happened to you in those woods... watching your friends..." She hated to say the word die, but it was there, implied. "I imagine that's just as traumatic as anything else you went through. You should talk about it, try to deal with everything that happened." Mila could only imagine how horrible it would feel if she had to watch Roxy die, or Aaron... she had seen it so many times in the tunnel that she still had nightmares, but at least she knew now it hadn't been real. Adrian went through a horrifying ordeal. Maybe therapy would help him sort some of it out.
Adrian still had nightmares and they were usually nothing like what had really happened that night to the point where he was starting to doubt some of his memories. He was just thankful he didn't have to go sit in an interrogation room detailing it all because it would probably sound bad when he kept correcting himself. Simon was hanging- no wait, he was, he's the one who was lying down. Or was he? The night had been chaotic enough in the first place and time went a long way in scabbing over those particular wounds. He had no idea what Mila had been through except for what little she'd told him, the rest was guesswork based on how she'd behaved and looked when he first found her. All he knew was that they had a lot of trauma in common so she might be the only one who fully understood where he was coming from. "I'll think about it," he told her, more to appease her than because he actually wanted to go. The thought of sitting with some stranger and detailing his hurt feelings and all the shit he was trying to bury just seemed overwhelming. "Starting over though, that sounds more like something that'll help. You'll have a beautiful baby, I'll get my job back, we can try to be like normal people again."
She wasn't sure if he would really think about it, but Mila supposed she could follow up with him later. Maybe just gently press the idea of therapy here and there. Or maybe she could find someone to bring to him. Yes, Mila was aware of how hypocritical it was of her to suggest therapy when Mila more or less refused to talk about what had happened to her, but it was what it was. "I'm really looking forward to all of those things. Being normal again would be nice." She smiled faintly and nudged her brother. "Right now, we're two massive, abnormal freaks. But at least we have each other, right?"
"You are so not massive," Adrian teased her with a little laugh, glad to have something funny to latch onto because that thought of losing her had just crossed his mind and made him feel cold to the core. Where the hell would he be now if she was gone? Feral somewhere in the woods? Or still in that facility? Even if he'd gone far away from here he knew he'd be lost by now, with nothing to tether him to humanity. No, it was better to focus on the idea of Mila being massive in any way, even if he knew what she meant and yes, on the measure of freakiness they were both incredibly huge. "You're gonna be like mom when she was pregnant, with like an itty bitty little bump on your tiny little body." He pointedly poked her stomach and gave her a teasing smile before snorting again. "Massive. Pft."
"Hey! I want a huge belly," she said, using both hands now to stretch her baggy t-shirt over her tiny bump. "I want to waddle. Ideally, I won't gain weight anywhere but my belly, but I'll take what I can get." Mila smiled, pleased that some of the heaviness of the day had been lifted, even if it was temporary. "We're finding out if it's a boy or girl this week. I thought I wanted to be surprised, but I think I definitely want to know. Maybe we can go out to dinner after and celebrate."
"You do not want to waddle," Adrian said with amused exasperation and his laughter was genuine now, like a much needed relief from all the heaviness of the evening. For a second he feared he'd lose control of it and start laughing until he cried but it quieted down - thankfully - so he wasn't about to have a nervous breakdown tonight. "So when are you going to tell mom and dad?" he asked to bring himself back from that brink of too amused. "Are you gonna invite them too?" He knew the baby sounded healthy at least, he'd heard its heartbeat loud and clear and on a couple of occasions while living here he'd waited to eat a little too long until he could actually start hearing it again. Not as loud, not as intense but enough to know it was okay. It was a weird mix of soothing and horrifying somehow so it wasn't something he did more than those two times. Mila didn't need him fretting over her and then turning around and hurting himself in the process.
Hearing Adrian laugh made everything inside of Mila feel so much lighter. Joy was such a rare thing for her brother these days and maybe it was a sign that things were getting better. Or could be getting better. Laughing felt good for her too, especially after the day she'd had. Resting her head against the back of the couch, Mila shook her head. "It's just going to be me and Aaron at the appointment. I think... I'll probably tell them this weekend. If I can tell them it's a boy or girl, I think that will make it... more real for them? If that makes sense. And I can tell them when we're getting married. So it's like, everything at once, that way I don't have mom nagging me about it, or sending me scripture about my soul being condemned to Hell and all of that."
"If she does that you can just tell her you've already been there," Adrian said with a wry smile, wondering if their mother would actually do that considering she'd seen the aftermath of Mila's harrowing experience. She might not know the details but Mila's mental and physical state in the hospital was a clear enough indicator of what she'd been through. He sometimes wondered if he'd called this horror on himself, if Maria was right in all her god fearing 'do everything by the Holy Book' paranoia and having gay sex had doomed him from the start. Likewise, Mila might wonder the same, like getting pregnant before marriage would really damn her to hell. It helped to think of all the people who did that and worse and never experienced what they had and most of the time Adrian could dismiss it. That didn't mean he wasn't terrified of dying and of actually going to hell and having to suffer for eternity for all the horrible things he'd done since, dying alone was awful enough on its own. "And I meant dinner, I didn't think you wanted them at the ultrasound."
Mila huffed softly. She tried her best not to think about the tunnel, although it was always there, picking at the back of her mind, fueling the lingering self-doubt. There were days when she felt the words starting to form on her lips, the desire to tell someone, anyone about what had happened in there. She thought maybe if she got it all out, if she said it aloud, then it would start to heal faster. But Mila still couldn't bring herself to do it. There was a very real fear that as soon as she started to speak about it, everything she had now would disappear and she would find herself back in that dark hole, alone and scared. Mila rested her hands on her stomach and she shook her head with a small smile. "No. I mean, maybe inviting them to dinner would be the best time to tell them about the baby, but you know mom, she isn't embarrassed enough to cause a scene in public. Maybe she'll be happy. I just don't know. I'll tell them this weekend. Once we know what we're having and we know that the baby is still healthy and everything." She eyed Adrian. "Can you still... hear the heartbeat?"
"Sometimes," Adrian admitted with a crooked little smile. "It's a lot quieter than yours, way faster. Sounded healthy last time I heard it." Oh to be able to tap into this at will, he thought, capable of hearing the faintest sounds if he put his mind to it. He and Toby could be super-nurses together at Mercy. If given the choice he'd rather give it all up though, go back to normal, be human. "I still think you should have told her in the middle of today's hurricane, she can only be upset about one thing at a time, right? Or am I selling her short?" He grinned ."I'm selling her short. But you know, she can only get so upset, doing it all at once-" he trailed off and snapped his fingers. "And it's over."
It was such a strange thing to know her brother could hear her baby's heartbeat. But it was also soothing. Mila had been so scared at the beginning of her pregnancy that she had nearly bought one of those heartbeat fetal dopplers online. But she had that in Adrian already and he was free. Mila smiled and pressed a quick kiss to her brother's head. "I think if I had told her about the baby while she was busy sobbing over you, her head might would have exploded. Honestly, Adrian, it would have probably been too much happiness for her. You know dad will be thrilled. Mom will be too, it's just the marriage thing that will trip her up. But I can deal with it. We've both been through hell already so we can definitely handle our mother. Let her pray for us and we'll be fine."
"We could probably use a few prayers," Adrian admitted and it was funny, he'd been so sure he wanted to numb himself with the beer Aaron had offered him but he hadn't even touched it yet and he still felt better already. He did kind of want to feel a little floaty before he went to sleep so he picked up the bottle and gave Mila a little salute with it. "To the health of your baby," he murmured before drinking to his toast and then resting his head on her shoulder. "Thanks for everything." She'd never know just how deep that gratitude went but it went far beyond the shelter and food she'd given him.
Mila smiled, knowing that it would be a long time before she could drink again, but that was more than okay with her. "You don't have to thank me for anything," she said, resting her head against his again. "I feel like we have five years to make up for and I don't want to lose you again." She would do whatever she had to do to keep Adrian safe. Her family felt whole again and Mila was going to do everything in her power to keep it that way.