BE-E AGGRESSIVE! (be_aggressive) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2020-12-06 13:38:00 |
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Entry tags: | #may 2018, jasper, jasper x jules, jules |
Who: Jules and Jasper
When: evening, late May sometime
Where: Jules's room
Warning: NSFW
Status: Complete
Charlie’s house had become a little crowded, with the addition of Elodie into the mix. She wasn’t there all the time, but Charlie had insisted that Elodie had a safe and soft place to sleep when she wanted it, and a regular source of food, so Elodie was around. When she did sleep over, Jasper gave her the basement and slept on the floor in Amelia’s room. Elodie’s presence seemed to make Amelia unhappy, but Jasper was kind of glad to have her there, however temporary it ended up being. It made him feel a little less weird. His sister had been through her own thing, but Elodie knew exactly what it had been like for him. They didn’t talk about it a ton, but sometimes, and that kind of helped. Occasionally Jasper’s thoughts drifted far enough that he started to wonder if he was crazy, that maybe he’d hallucinated it all. Seeing Elodie always grounded him back in reality.
She wasn’t the only company he wanted though, so he’d been hanging out with Logan here and there, trying to spend more time with his dad and sister, and texting with Jules. He’d seen her a couple of times since that first one, but it could never be for long, since she had school and her bitch of a mom and everything. He still wasn’t sure exactly where they stood, but Jasper missed her. Maybe forgiving her part in everything so quickly was crazy, but he couldn’t lie about how he felt, and he felt like he wanted his girlfriend back. Nothing was normal, of course, he didn’t expect that, but ... she was on his mind a lot and he felt himself craving the connection they used to have. He missed her. Besides, there were a couple of things he wanted to ask her about, things he was trying not to jump to conclusions on.
He was lounging on the small bed in the basement after dinner when he picked up his new phone and sent her a message -- u busy?
Despite how busy she had been, Jules missed Jasper too. She'd had finals to study for and end of the school year activities some of her friends had drawn her into. And then there was Ethan, and visiting the facility for more tests and work. There hadn't been much time to see Jasper as much as she wanted to, though they had been texting plenty. Like Jasper, she felt a little confused about where things were, like there was still some distance between them and Jules hated that she didn't really know how to bridge the gap. All she really knew was that she missed him. There was so much he didn't know, things she hadn't told him but wanted to. More than that though, she wanted to just be with him, even if they sat together and didn't say a word. Reassurance that everything they'd had before was still there.
She had just walked into her bedroom when she got Jasper's text. The question reminded her of when they first started hooking up last summer and Jules felt herself craving those months when things were so much easier. It felt like ages ago to her now. not busy. want to hang out? She assumed that's why he was asking if she was busy and honestly, Jules was eager to see him again, hopefully for longer than an hour or so. She had no real plans that night and she would rather spend it with him than laying in bed and scrolling on her phone like a loser.
Jules’s response was almost immediate, and that made Jasper smile. He knew her phone was almost always close at hand, but he still liked to think that she wanted to talk to him as much as he wanted to talk to her. Or just be with her, smell her, touch her maybe. They hadn’t had sex since he’d been back, and the desire for more intimacy was beginning to awaken in him again. It wasn’t just that though -- Jasper was sure he could fuck Elodie or even Logan if he wanted to -- it was the desire for Jules herself. Already sitting up, he thumbed in a response. yes. sneak into your place? Jasper hesitated for a second, then added a lol to the end of that before he sent it, just in case she thought it was a terrible idea. He wanted to be with her somewhere private, and Charlie’s house was no good for that.
Jules smiled when she saw his response and she was already up from the bed, walking towards her door to get downstairs and unlock the back door. She was quick with her reply. backdoor is unlocked :) Jules knew her mom would probably be home any minute but she wasn't too worried about it. Honestly, Jules could probably just wait for Jasper downstairs but this felt like it fit for them and Jules could freshen up a bit. Jasper could sneak in, she could lock her bedroom door and hopefully her mom would leave her alone for the night. Her heart was beating a bit harder in her chest, but more out of anticipation than anything else. Maybe there was a touch of apprehension, considering everything she knew that he didn't, but Jules couldn't worry about that right now. She just wanted to get Jasper in her room and preferably, her arms.
There was something so nostalgic about that little thrill of excitement that ran up his spine. Jasper did eventually want his own place, somewhere Jules could come see him without having to do any of this sneaky stuff ... but he kind of enjoyed it at the same time. After sending her another message saying he would be there soon, he got up and changed his clothes, then headed out to his car. Nobody had complained about the way he was always wandering around, so he knew they wouldn’t miss him if he didn’t come home that night. He would text Amelia maybe, just to let her know. For now he was focused on Jules, though. Jasper drove up to Overlook and parked his car down the street a bit, then jogged to Jules’s house and around to the back. Her mom’s car was still gone, so he didn’t have to sneak too much as he let himself in. A small smile stuck on his face, he toed his sneakers off and carried them with him as he made his way through the house and upstairs to Jules’s room. Jasper knocked softly before he turned the knob and pushed the door open.
By the time Jasper arrived, Jules had brushed her hair and her teeth and tried not to fuss too much over what she wore, opting for simple cotton pajama pants and a tank top. It was nice outside, so she cracked her window a little to let in some fresh air. Jules waited by biting her fingernail and pacing, but at soon as the knock came at her door and it opened, Jules dropped her hand to her side and smiled at the sight of Jasper. She was still getting used to his haircut, but she liked it. She liked everything because he was alive and whole and home. Unable to help herself, Jules walked over to wrap her arms around his neck and hug him tight, pressing her face against the crook of his neck. She wanted to kiss him badly, but first things first. Just touching him and feeling his body pressed against hers was enough for the moment.
She looked completely gorgeous, even in the most casual clothes, and Jasper didn’t hesitate to drop his shoes to wrap his arms around her. He closed his eyes and breathed her in, that familiar sweet scent making his head spin a little in a lovely way. It wasn’t their first hug since he’d been home, but it still kind of felt like it, considering the setting. Complete privacy and all the time they wanted, finally. Jasper slowly rubbed one of his hands up and down Jules’s back, unable to help noticing that she didn’t have a bra on under her tank top. It felt nice to notice that, like something in him was turning back toward normal. “Hi,” he whispered after a moment, giving her a tighter squeeze.
It was still like a dream, touching Jasper and feeling his hands on her. Her entire body seemed acutely aware of his presence. That was something that definitely hadn't changed or been diminished over the months he had been gone. "Hi," Jules murmured before lifting her face to his. No one was hovering, no one was in the house except for maybe Jason and Jules didn't have to rush off to school or whatever else was filling her days. She just wanted Jasper to stay a while, maybe all night if he wanted to. Jules wasn't exactly sure he had come over for that and it just reminded her that there was still some weird uncertainty there. Jasper had been through hell and she didn't want to assume she knew how he was feeling. Still, she couldn't resist pressing a kiss against his lips, maybe a bit tentatively. It wasn't their first kiss since he had been back, but it still felt new in a way, like she had to test the waters first.
Jasper had the same sort of hesitant, unsure feeling. It wasn’t that he thought Jules held anything against him, his uncertainty was more aimed at himself. He forgave her for what she’d had to do, at least in the majority of his brain. But emotions could be unpredictable, and sometimes his could go sideways before he could pull them back in. Being in someone’s presence was a different thing than just thinking about them. The soft touch of Jules’s lips against his own sent a wave of warmth though him, and thankfully that was all. He returned the light pressure, keeping the kiss soft and gentle for the moment, though his arms tightened around her a bit. It felt so good to really be back with her, somewhere he always felt safe, where there were no distractions, nobody but them.
His kiss alleviated some of the tension in her shoulders and Jules sunk into it, parting her lips to taste him better. The emotions were different now than before, but when they had first started hooking up they had always been better at the physical part of this than the talking. And Jules knew they had things to talk about but her brain had shut down, not wanting to ruin this with words. He could have pushed her away, or changed his mind about being here, but his arms had tightened around her and Jules felt the lingering worry start to melt away. This was really Jasper, not that person he had been before he went away. Before she'd sent him away. Jules let her hands slide up to the back of his head, her fingers brushing along the buzzed hair she felt there.
He didn’t feel like he had it in him to push her away ever again, but Jasper didn’t quite trust himself completely yet. Maybe that was where all of his doubt about them came from. What if he started to lose his shit again? Would he really hurt Jules this time? At the end he’d wanted her to die along with the rest of them, but now that thought horrified him. It had felt real and natural though, like a terrible part of him was amplified by whatever the infection had been ... but maybe it was supposed to. Jasper didn’t know, didn’t have any real answers. At the moment all he knew was that Jules’s body felt incredibly good against his, her mouth tasted like a dream, and the soft touch of her hand against his now-exposed scalp sent goosebumps down his back. Heat was starting to pool in his lower belly, and Jasper pushed a bit more firmly into the kiss.
The last thing Jules wanted to think about was how they had left one another. Anytime those memories rose in her mind, she pushed them away, reassuring herself that it hadn't been Jasper. He had been infected with something evil, something she couldn't cure no matter how hard she'd tried. But here and now, this was Jasper. The way he touched and kissed her. It felt so familiar and warm that she wanted to cry all over again. Rather than overthink things, Jules lost herself in the way he was kissing her instead. A shiver went through her and the heat in her belly began to spread. How long had it been since she felt this way? It was like waking up after an incredibly long sleep. With her mouth still attached to his, Jules dropped her hands to his shirt, dipping them beneath the material to touch his bare stomach and waist. She wanted, needed, more of him.
Now Jasper understood even more why he’d turned down Elodie’s offer of sex Over There ... there was no way it could’ve felt anything like this. Besides how generally disgusting everything was on the other side of the portal, he knew nothing about it would’ve made his heart pick up speed and his balls tingle and his chest feel so full like it was now. It just would’ve made him sadder. Feeling Jules’s hands against his bare skin made his breath catch, and Jasper swiped his tongue against hers. There was a dull ache in his throat, but he was trying not to get too emotional, sliding his hands down to caress and squeeze Jules’s ass. He was getting hard, and it felt natural to pull her in tighter against him so she could feel it. Even that felt like a novelty after so long of having no drive for anything sexual. Jasper was distantly grateful that his dick wasn’t completely broken.
It was so easy to pretend like the last four months hadn't happened. Her body was responding to Jasper's touch as if they hadn't lost any time at all. It seemed to be more intense somehow and Jules had to imagine it was because she hadn't felt like this in such a long time, not even when she tried to touch herself while he had been gone. It had just left her feeling hollow. Now she just wanted to cling to the heat spreading through her, let it completely take over until she was breathless. With Jasper's growing erection pressed against her, Jules realized he needed this just as much as she did. It might not magically heal everything between them, but it had to be a start. With her tongue moving against his, Jules began to lift his shirt up, pulling back from his mouth only long enough to get his shirt all the way off. Her hands were still drawn to his body, her fingertips pressing against his skin. Maybe there was a tiny part of her that was scared he might disappear if she stopped touching him, like this was all still some kind of dream. If it was, she didn't want to wake up.
There was still so much to say between them, wounds to heal, connections to re-forge, even if Jasper wasn’t sure where to even start. He knew that, and he knew it was probably better to do that before they did this ... but they’d always turned to the physical when their emotions were in turmoil, hadn’t they? It was how they communicated the best, for better or worse. Their bodies said all the things they didn’t know how to say. Right then Jasper felt like he needed this physical reassurance, like he couldn’t be truly grounded and safe without it. He drew in a shaky breath when their lips parted, and let go of Jules to lift his arms so she could strip his shirt off. His nipples were tight and his skin tingled under her fingers, and he was sure she’d be able to feel his heart beating hard against his ribs. He realized they were still standing right inside the door, and that the bed would be much more comfortable, but he was beyond hungry to feel her skin on his, so he started to quickly undo the front of his jeans as he dipped back in to kiss her again. Jasper pushed the denim down and stepped out of it, leaving him just in his boxer briefs and socks. He reached for Jules’s tank top next.
Jules ran her hands over his now exposed waist before she gripped his hips, pulling him further into her room with a soft breath against his lips. The anticipation of getting naked with Jasper was rapidly growing and Jules helped him get her tank top up over her head. They were both bare from the waist up now and while Jules was desperate to wrap her arms around him again, she quickly slipped her fingers into the waistband of her pajama pants, pushing them down until she could step out of them and nudge them out of the way with her foot. Reaching for him again, Jules pulled Jasper close, already feeling breathless as she kissed him again, more firmly this time. It reminded her so much of the beginning, when Jasper would text and ask if she was busy... it meant that he wanted this. There hadn't been a lot of talking then either, but the mood between them had been completely different than it was now. It had been easier for sure, but Jules would never wish for those first few months over this.
Jasper hadn’t really meant for this to happen the way it was. He hadn’t had instant sex in mind when he’d driven over there, expecting the two of them to sit and talk for a while before anything happened, if it did at all. But his bodily instinct seemed to have taken over, and Jasper was starting to feel desperate to have her. It felt as intense as it had when they’d first started hooking up, but the feeling ran so much deeper. Jasper didn’t just want her body, he wanted all of her, to reconnect in a way that was so familiar and important to them. Jasper locked his arms around Jules when she pulled him back in again, squeezing her tight for a moment and letting out a low groan into the kiss. Her skin felt hot and soft and perfect against his, and he let his hands roam over her back and waist and hips. There were only two scraps of cloth between them now, and Jasper wanted them both gone. He moved them closer to the bed, shuffling along without putting any more space between them, then broke the kiss and crouched in front of Jules, yanking her panties down as he pressed hungry kisses against her stomach. “Lie down,” he panted once they were off, straightening up again.
The talking would come, Jules knew that. There was so much she wanted to tell him, some things she knew she ought to tell him now, rather than wait, but she couldn't. She was running on instinct and arousal now. Like Jasper, she was feeling desperate to connect to him physically again and with his hands on her body, it was far too difficult to form a coherent thought anyway. Did he understand what he was doing to her? The ache between her legs was near painful, throbbing with need. Jules's hands fell to his shoulders as he tugged her panties down and a soft moan caught in her throat at the feel of his lips on her stomach. Fuck, he was still so sexy and the sound of his voice prompted a pleasant shiver down her spine. Naked now and breathing harder, Jules scooted back on her bed, her nipples hard, her lips parted. Was it possible to already feel this overheated, this aroused? Of course it was, it was Jasper. He'd always had this effect on her. At least that much hadn’t changed.
Jules’s naked form was every bit as gorgeous as he remembered, and Jasper drank her in with his eyes as he impatiently shed his underwear and kicked them away. Normally he would’ve spent some time between her thighs, held her legs apart as he buried his face in her pussy to make her scream, but he was too desperate to be inside of her for that. Later, maybe, he would see how many times he could make her come with his mouth. For now, Jasper needed to bury himself in her. He crawled onto the bed over Jules, nudging her thighs further apart, his mouth crashing into hers again as he reached down to take hold of his cock. A few rubs of the head against her pussy told him she didn’t mind the lack of foreplay, and that was enough for Jasper. Feeling a little shaky all over, Jasper lined their bodies up and thrust into Jules. He couldn’t be slow about it, but he tried not to shove hard, dimly aware that she hadn’t had sex in months either. At least he hoped not.
As much as she enjoyed foreplay with Jasper, Jules wasn't sure she would have the patience for it right now. Not when she felt so desperate to feel him inside of her. She told herself they had time for all of it, that he wasn't going to go away again, that things could get back to normal... whatever that normal looked like. So she settled comfortably on her back when Jasper moved over her, her hands sliding around to his back, clutching him when she felt him position his cock against her. The tension she had been feeling dissipated immediately with that first thrust and Jules instinctively arched her hips up to take him deeper. It had been months since she'd had sex, Jasper being her last in January, but her body didn't resist. It felt amazing and she felt full again in the best way. Moaning, Jules shifted a little beneath him before raising her knees up to press against his hips.
There was no way for Jasper to accurately describe that feeling. He’d fucked Jules many times, and it was always intense on some level, but he felt this one down to the core of his being. Jasper had just missed her so fucking much for so long, had been mired in such constantly awful feelings and experiences, had suffered so much ... being able to join the two of them like this again was incredible. His cock flexed within her as he pushed it to the hilt and stopped, his breathing already ragged. This definitely wasn’t going to be a long session, but time had already ceased to have any meaning to him. Jasper pressed his body down against hers -- he planted his elbows into the bed next to Jules and slipped his hands under the backs of her shoulders to hold her close, one sliding higher to cup the back of her neck. Jasper kissed her again, emotion
making his throat feel tight already as he ground his hips slowly against hers.
Jules had missed Jasper more than she could adequately express to anyone. The sensation of having his body pressed so firmly to hers now caused Jules's throat to feel tight and dry and her fingertips slid up to grip the back of his shoulders. She had been convinced that she would never feel his weight against her in this way again that she just wanted to revel in it, wrap her arms and legs so tightly around him that he could never leave. Impractical, sure, but Jules wasn't feeling practical at the moment. Parting her lips against his, Jules kissed him hard and deep, soft sounds of pleasure already forming in her throat as he moved his hips. Her pussy squeezed around him and her hips moved of their own accord, desperate for more friction.
He knew Jules liked it like this, with him on top of her, and she’d been the one to teach him that missionary didn’t have to be boring. He needed it now, needed to feel as close to her as their bodies would allow, feel her breath on his skin and every clench of muscle in her stomach. Jasper had the irrational desire to cover every inch of her and thrust and thrust until they merged into one being. God, he’d missed this. Jasper had to break the kiss to breathe, but he kept his face close to Jules’s, pressing their foreheads together as he obeyed her silent demand for more. Jasper rolled his hips, pulling out of Jules further before pushing back in, pleasure licking up his spine like fire. He let out a harsh breath as he did it again, then got into a slow-ish rhythm by necessity. He was dying to feel her come around his cock for the first time in ages, and going much faster would ruin it.
Considering where he had been, Jules had to assume Jasper hadn't had sex since their last time together too and she knew if he went any faster he would probably be done before she even got close. A part of her didn't care about that, so desperate to see that kind of pleasure flicker over his face again and to feel him lose all control inside of her. But it just felt so good that she wanted to be right there with him, so she loved the slow but steady pace. Panting softly, Jules closed her eyes, rocking her hips with his, trying to keep her body's own impatience at bay so they could both enjoy this as long as possible. Every slide of his cock into her brought soft gasps to her lips and Jules found her hands sliding restlessly over his back. Every nerve ending felt raw and exposed and Jules just wanted to lose herself in Jasper for as long as she could.
Jasper loved everything about this -- the way Jules was breathing, her soft sounds, the feel of her hands against his overheated skin, the grip of her body around his cock and the way it massaged as she moved with him. He couldn’t focus his attention there too long or he would come, so he tried to think more about how much he’d missed this and how sure he’d been that he would never get to feel this again. The echoes of that despair kept his pleasure in check enough that Jasper felt safe picking up the pace a little bit. He groaned helplessly as pleasure made his balls clench tighter, his hips pushing into Jules with more force. His chest and throat were aching with such a chaotic mix of emotions, it was hard to breathe, but Jasper didn’t want to put another inch of space between the two of them.
Every thrust sent Jules spiraling. They had always had intense sex, regardless of their moods, but this felt like it was on a completely different level. Obviously her emotions could be coloring everything. They had both been through a lot and she was sure Jasper had thought he would never see her again, the same way Jules had been convinced he was gone forever. Now it felt like they were reconnecting, perhaps not in the only way that mattered, but certainly an important one. The harder he moved inside of her, the deeper the ache became and Jules could feel herself starting to unravel. She was vaguely aware of how fast it was happening, considering the fact that she had tried to touch herself a few times over the past few months and it had simply left her feeling frustrated and unsatisfied. Jules breathed his name, clutching his waist, the movement of her hips growing frantic as she began to reach the peak.
Every inch of him felt exquisitely sensitive and tuned in to Jules. Jasper remembered her climax signals very well, and he knew when he felt her start to tighten up under and around him that she was getting close. As much as he wanted this to last, wanted to fuck her all night long, Jules’s pleasure only enhanced his own, and Jasper’s control slipped completely out of his grasp. With a desperate groan, he started to pump harder and faster into her, one hand gripping the back of her neck as the other fisted in the sheets under them. The pressure in his balls was almost painful, noise coming out of him with every thrust, and Jasper felt like his chest might crack open with pent-up love. Then everything released in a rush of ecstasy and Jasper shuddered as he pushed deep into Jules and let go, moaning helplessly near her ear.
Ideally this would have lasted all night, but no part of Jules was disappointed that it didn't. In her mind, they had all night to do this again and again... as long as they both wanted, because even though Jasper had followed her over the edge, she still had no plans to let him go. Breathing hard, Jules clung to Jasper, shivering with his lips at her ear. The pleasure that had flooded her body was intensely cathartic and Jules could feel it to the very tips of her toes. Despite months of separation, nothing had changed, at least between their bodies. No one would ever make her feel like this. Jules nuzzled his jaw before turning her face to catch his lips in a breathless kiss. Her throat still felt full and she didn't quite trust herself to talk just yet.
It felt good in a way that went far beyond the physical to empty himself into Jules. It was like he was reclaiming her somehow, re-bonding them together. Jasper slowed to a stop, keeping his cock buried fully in Jules as it pulsed and twitched with the final shivers of pleasure. Then he couldn’t do anything but try to catch his breath as he kissed Jules back, moving his lips slowly over hers. He felt like there was so much to say but he couldn’t think of a single word to start, so he didn’t try to force anything yet. Jasper shifted his elbows a bit to take the pressure off of Jules’s chest, but he didn’t go far, his mouth still locked on hers. He tangled his fingers in her hair and rocked his hips a tiny bit just for the friction on his sensitive cock.
The soft movements of his hips sent pleasant little aftershocks through her and Jules shivered beneath him with a low moan against his mouth. His skin was still so hot beneath her hands and Jules ran her fingers down his spine to his lower back. For the first time in a long time her body felt alive and she was desperate to hang onto that feeling for as long as she could. Opening her eyes, Jules pressed another kiss to his lips, finally feeling her blood start to cool down. "I missed you," she whispered, though she knew he already knew that. But there were no words to adequately express just how bad it had been over the past four months, thinking he was gone for good.
There were no words for either side of what they’d been through, but Jasper felt like he could hear all of those layers underneath what Jules said. It sounded like such a simple thing, missing somebody, but he knew firsthand how deep that ache had been. Jasper no longer doubted that Jules had felt the same pain while he’d been gone, and that awful yearning for someone who was completely unreachable. Jasper brushed their noses together, then looked down at her. “I missed you too,” he murmured softly back. He toyed with the soft strands of hair between his fingers, his gaze drifting here and there on her face. “I thought I’d never see you again.”
Knowing that he had missed her, despite the fact that she was mostly the reason he had been stuck in some hellish dimension for months, made Jules's chest tighten with emotion and she nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak again just yet. She could spend the rest of her life apologizing to him, but Jasper knew she was sorry, and he knew she hadn't wanted to do what she had done. None of them had. Maybe now they could try to talk it out and move past it for good. Smoothing her hands up his back again, Jules lifted her head just enough to brush another kiss to his lips. "Will you stay tonight?" she whispered. "I just... don't want you to go right now."
“You think I’d just leave after this?” Jasper murmured back against her lips. There was no bite to the words, but he honestly hoped she wasn’t being literal. Like he could just show up to have the most emotional sex with her, then bail. His ever present inner critic reminded him that he’d done worse, but Jasper tried to tell it to shut the fuck up. “Hell yes I’ll stay.” He would’ve gotten around to asking if he could, but Jasper was glad she offered so soon. He didn’t want to leave her side for as long as he would be allowed to cling to her. Jasper rubbed their noses together and softly added, “I didn’t like, plan this when I came over. I just wanted to see you.” It hadn’t been a booty call, he hoped Jules knew that too.
"I know you wouldn't leave, and I didn't plan for it either." Maybe she had hoped for it a little, which was why she had been quick to brush her teeth. But Jules gave him a small smile, reaching up with one hand to brush her fingers just above his ear. She was getting used to seeing him without his longer hair, though she found she missed it. Mostly because she had always loved playing with it, or running her hands through it when they were close. "It just felt like we hadn't really been able to spend a lot of time together since you've been back. Which is mostly my fault, but..." Jules trailed off, her gaze searching his. "I just have some things to tell you and I just want to know that you'll stay, even if you don't like it."
He missed his hair a bit too, but after dealing with it being so gross and matted for so long, Jasper was kind of glad to be rid of it. Jules’s fingers tickled nicely whenever she touched his scalp, but he’d always loved it when she stroked her hands through the strands. It was soothing. But there was time now to grow it back. What she said distracted him from thinking about his hair and Jasper’s brow furrowed slightly. His immediate thought was that she slept with someone while he was gone, which bothered him way more than it should, especially so quickly. “Okay,” he murmured, the word slow and questioning. Jasper realized that talking while his cock was still partly tucked inside of her probably wasn’t the best plan, especially if there were things he wouldn’t like, so he pulled out and moved to settle on his side next to her, propping his head up with one hand. “I’ll stay. What’s going on?”
She missed the warmth of his weight, but Jules understood why he moved. There was a part of her that tried desperately to find something insignificant to talk about because they had just had sex and it had been emotional and amazing and Jules felt like she was about to ruin everything. But she had already made it sound bad so Jasper would probably be able to see right through her if she attempted to make some kind of light hearted conversation. Shifting onto her side to face him, Jules tried to sort through her thoughts. There was so much to tell him, but some things felt more important than others. She wanted him to meet Ethan, but bringing up another guy right now seemed like bad timing. So did everything else, if she was being honest with herself. Her stomach hurt as she formed the right words in her mind and Jules wanted to just pull him close again and forget it all for another hour or two. "A lot happened... after you were gone. And I thought about whether or not to tell you any of it because... well, just because. But I love you, and I don't want there to be secrets between us, you know?" Her throat felt a little scratchy and Jules was thankful they were lying down, otherwise she might have started pacing the room. "It's just... a few weeks after you were gone I found out I was pregnant." She exhaled with the word, feeling some sense of relief that she had said it out loud to someone who wasn't Mr. Lucas. It was a strange and terrible secret to keep to herself but it had been necessary and now she didn't want to lie to Jasper, or pretend it didn't happen.
The mention of no secrets between them gave Jasper another pang of guilt. He still had a couple of secrets of his own, didn’t he? Why had it been easier to confess to Jules about murdering his grandfather than fucking around with Logan? He’d still been under the influence of the infection ... the second time. Maybe that was it, he’d done it more than once. Jasper pushed those thoughts about himself away again, wanting to focus on Jules and what she had to tell him. It took an extra second or two for the word ‘pregnant’ to really make sense to him, and something heavy sank in his gut. He took a sharper breath, his eyes darting down to Jules’s stomach. It looked totally normal to him, flat and smooth as always, but did a woman start to show a pregnancy this early? It had only been four months, right? As a kid, he had been grossed out by his mother’s pregnancy for a while when she was having Amelia, so he hadn’t paid that much attention. Though the way Jules phrased it -- not ‘I am pregnant’ or ‘you’re going to be a father’ -- made him think that wasn’t the whole story though. “And?” he breathed, his eyes coming back to hers. Jasper didn’t know what else to say yet, his heart picking up speed.
And. And? Of course there was an "and". She couldn't exactly say she was pregnant and then just leave it at that. Jules noticed the way he glanced at her stomach and Jules had to fight the urge to grab her blanket and cover herself up. It was a ridiculous thing to feel at this point, especially since there was nothing there for him to see. "And I went to see your dad," she admitted, her face feeling hot now with something akin to embarrassment, even though she wasn't embarrassed. Mr. Lucas had been great and supportive and that was more than she would have gotten from her own mom. "I didn't keep it." It wasn't a decision she regretted, because Jules knew she hadn't been ready to be a mom, especially without Jasper there. But she didn't want him to think she hadn't wanted a piece of him to remember him by, or that she hadn't loved him enough to want his baby or anything like that. It was complicated and confusing to explain properly and all Jules could do was hope he didn't hate her for it.
She went to see his dad? Jasper frowned for a second in confusion at that, just because it was so weird to even think about them talking, especially about something so personal ... but then he remembered they’d already talked about personal shit because Jasper had disappeared. His gaze drifted to a point over Jules’s shoulder as he processed what that meant. Gavin had helped Jules get an abortion. Jasper had never really wanted kids, especially not this young, highly aware of how he’d ruined his parents’ lives by coming along, but there was still some part of him that stung with that news. He’d been gone, that baby had been all that was left of him, as far as they knew, and Jules had aborted it ... but babies weren’t keepsakes. They were burdens someone had to be ready to take on. If Jules had been in even half as bad of shape as Jasper had been mentally and emotionally, a baby would’ve just made things worse for her. Unbearably worse. Jules was staring at him and her cheeks were pink, so Jasper looked at her again, his expression softening some. He reached out to brush his fingers along her cheekbone. “You did the right thing,” he murmured softly to her. “I’m just sorry you had to do it alone.”
Jules knew it could be a touchy subject and one that would potentially hurt him. That wasn't what she wanted at all, but she knew he deserved to know. She always figured she would have kids someday, it would just happen way, way in the future, after she had done things she wanted to do and had been married for a while. It had been difficult because the baby had belonged to Jasper, but Jules knew she had done the right thing. It was a relief to hear Jasper agreed with her and Jules exhaled softly, wanting to cry from the emotions she had been burying for the last few months. Her eyes burned and Jules lifted a hand to brush impatiently at them. "I wasn't alone," she said, moving her hand to wrap her fingers around his wrist gently, just to touch him. "Your dad... he drove me there. He stayed the entire time... drove me home. He's been really awesome. I knew my mom would freak out on me and he just offered to help, like, without hesitation."
All of the emotion in her face and voice made his chest hurt. His own feelings weren’t completely straightforward about it, and he was sure he would feel other things too once it all really sunk in, but for the moment Jasper was okay. He understood. What Jules said about his dad made Jasper’s throat ache worse, and he scooted in closer to slip his arm around Jules and hold her close for a moment, gently pressing their cheeks together. Jasper knew she was probably right that her mom would’ve shit a brick and probably dragged Jules down to the clinic before she could blink. He was glad that she had an easier trip to the same conclusion through Gavin. “I’m glad,” he murmured, then had to clear his throat a little. “It’s, uh ... it’s what we would’ve done if I was still here anyway ... right?”
It was such a small thing, but having Jasper slide in closer to her, wanting to be near and comfort her, helped ease some of the apprehension Jules was still feeling. She would have understood if he had been angry or hurt, but knowing that he supported her decision seemed to release pent up guilt that she had been feeling for months. Exhaling softly, Jules pulled back her face just enough so she could look at him, his question settling heavily in her chest. She had been positive Jasper would have been the one to drive her to the clinic in February, had he been there. She was pretty sure they would have come to the same conclusion Jules had alone. Maybe there had been little slivers of doubt and "what if" moments, but the truth was, Jasper hadn't been there and she knew she couldn't have done it alone. "I think so," she finally murmured. "Would you have wanted to keep it?"
Jasper gazed back at her, his blue eyes a bit clouded with some heavy thoughts of his own. Or maybe they were heavy feelings starting to settle in? He wasn’t sure. He still thought she’d done the right thing ... so why did it kind of feel like a loss? Jasper wet his lips and shook his head a little to answer her question. “No, we’re too young still, I mean ... having me fucked up my dad’s life like crazy, and I don’t want that for us,” he said softly back, almost as if reaffirming it for himself. Jasper had to admit, at least to himself, that thinking about Jules carrying his baby gave him some feelings. He had no idea what to do with them, but they were there. He could sort those out on his own time though, he tried to push them away and focus on Jules again. “I’m so sorry babe,” he murmured. “That’s ... on top of everything else you were dealing with, that’s a lot. And you’re okay? It didn’t like, hurt you, did it?”
It was a heavy topic for sure, one that Jules hadn't really wanted to get into, but she knew the sooner he found out, the sooner they could just accept it and move on. Jules was glad that he seemed to be on the same page as she was. While she didn't think having a kid together would destroy their lives the way Jasper seemed to think it would, she definitely knew they were too young right now. She hadn't even graduated high school yet, although that was only a couple of weeks away. "I'm okay," she promised him, nuzzling her nose to his. "It didn't hurt a lot. Mostly really bad cramps. But I'm okay. No one else knows about it but your dad, so it's been like... hard processing it without someone to talk to. And I didn't want to like, burden you with it now, but it was something you had a right to know about."
Jasper was glad it hadn’t been like, physically traumatic or anything. Going to Catholic church for a lot of his life had put some horrible ideas about abortion into his head, with lots of screaming and blood. He knew now that it wasn’t really like that, but the reassurance was still good to have. Jasper pressed a soft kiss to Jules’s nose, and then her lips. “M’glad you told me,” he mumbled. “And I’m here for you now.” Jasper could only imagine how hard it had been for her, and it really made the fact that he’d been gone so long suck even worse. It should’ve been a decision they made together, and he should’ve been there to help her through it. “So that was like ... February?” he asked.
He was there now and Jules slipped an arm over his waist, hoping they could be there for each other. She had been through a lot, but so had he and Jules understood that nothing would really touch the horribleness of what Jasper had went through. She just wanted to make sure she could be supportive of him as much as he was for her. Jules pressed a kiss to his chin before nodding. "I think like, the middle of February sometime. It feels so long ago. I don't really remember a lot of those first few weeks ago you were gone. Everything was a blur, everything was awful. I kept hoping you would come back like Amelia did."
Even though he hadn’t had much of a sense of time over there, Jasper could relate to things feeling so long ago. Four months didn’t sound like a long time, but it had stretched out into an awful seeming-eternity for him. Jasper brushed some fingers through Jules’s hair. “I tried to look for one of those black pools ... the way she made it back, like maybe it would be the same there, but I don’t think it was.” He shook his head slightly. “And the fog made it hard to see anything at all, you know? But I looked for a way back.” After a certain point he’d just given up and wandered instead, but that felt too depressing to dwell on. “I have no idea how I’m here though, I don’t remember doing anything different beforehand. Did you do something on this side?”
Jules knew Jasper would have tried to find a way home if he could. But like Jasper, Jules had no idea how he had come back... how any of them had come back. It made her feel uneasy, like something else had control over it... maybe something else came back with them all. But Jules didn't want to think about the consequences of this. She had Jasper back and she wouldn't give that up for anything. "I didn't do anything," Jules murmured. "I think... I mean, I knew I couldn't... that if I tried, I wouldn't be able to stop it again." There was something that nagged at the back of her mind, like a vague memory struggling to surface. Jules couldn't quite place it, so she tried to brush it aside. "There were people who wanted me to do it but they just didn't understand how dangerous it was."
Jasper had wondered idly if something had hitched a ride on him over into this world, but he didn’t think there was any way to really tell, and he was too desperate to cling to the goodness in his return. He didn’t want to worry about anything yet. He’d just spent so fucking long with his guts in knots, and no light of hope anywhere ... he wanted to enjoy the relief for a while. Jasper wasn’t really surprised to hear that Jules hadn’t kicked off his return somehow -- he was sure she would’ve said something if she had. The selfish part of him thought it kind of sucked that she hadn’t tried to open the portal again later to get them out ... but his more rational brain understood it and was glad. None of them had stayed in the same spot anyway, fleeing for their lives as soon as they’d come through. “It’s good that you didn’t,” he murmured, eyes drifting over her face. “Everything there wanted to kill us. And they fucked the town up enough the first time.” Jasper had no answers as to how the monsters had gotten into Point Pleasant in the first place, or what made them go away, but he knew that if Jules left a hole open, they would’ve invaded again pretty quickly.
Jules still didn't know what had brought the fog into Point Pleasant in the first place... and what had caused it to go away. Dr. Wilkes had assured her before that it wasn't her fault but there was something in his expression that made Jules suspect he was lying. In any case, she hated thinking about it because the guilt was something she didn't think she could process. "I'm so sorry," she murmured, running her hand down to his hip. "After you were gone, I met some people who have been helping me with everything. I can control it now. There's so much more to like, everything, it's crazy. I don't know what happened with the fog, or why, but hopefully it never happens again."
Jules saying she’d met some people reminded Jasper of something else that had been on his mind. He’d been trying not to over-think it, trying to just tuck what Ruby and Amelia had told him away to deal with later, once everything inside of him had settled down some. What did it mean, anyway? It was obvious that Jules had loved and missed him while he was gone, it was impossible to fake the passion they’d just been in the middle of, so the mystery guy couldn’t have been a replacement ... could he? Jasper had been gone for months, and Jules had been dealing with so much, and he himself had found some physical comfort in someone else, hadn’t he? It was a tangled jumble in his mind, but maybe now they could talk about it and she could help him sort through it. “Wow,” he murmured, because regardless of his jealousy issues, Jules learning to control her power was big news. “That’s amazing ... was, uh ... was one of the people you met the guy you brought to my house?” Jasper asked, his eyes searching hers.
For the briefest of moments, Jules was confused about what guy Jasper was talking about. But then she remembered Mr. Lucas's barbecue and how she had taken Ethan with her. It made sense, she guessed, that someone there would have mentioned it to Jasper even though Ethan was just a friend... and Jules had tried to emphasize that at the time without being too obvious about what she was doing. Jules couldn't blame Jasper much for asking about it. She had planned on telling him about Ethan anyway and Jules knew if their roles were reversed, she would have been curious about any other girl Jasper might have befriended while she was gone. "Yeah," she said, not wanting to convey guilt or anything like that, because she hadn't done anything wrong and she wanted him to know that. "His name is Ethan. His uncle runs the research facility that's been helping me. My dad worked there too before he died. Ethan... he can do what I can do. Sort of. I mean, he needs me to do it, and apparently, I need him too... for it to work right and not go all crazy." Jules paused, her eyes still staring into Jasper's. "He's become a good friend."
Jasper’s brow furrowed a bit as she spoke, a sinking feeling filling up his stomach. Somehow what Jules said was kind of worse than what he’d been worried about. Mostly because he didn’t quite know what she meant by they needed each other to do stuff. He couldn’t quite place why that made him uncomfortable -- he believed Jules when she called the guy a friend, and she had other male good friends. His body just didn’t feel good about it. “A good enough friend to take to prom?” he asked softly, a bit of the hurt creeping in that he’d been pushing down since he’d talked to Ruby. “And how does ... how do you mean, you need him? How’s it work?” Jasper tried to find some happiness on Jules’s behalf that she was figuring out her portal thing, but it seemed in short supply at the moment.
There was a tightening in Jules's chest when Jasper mentioned prom. Someone had clearly talked to him about Ethan, which was a little frustrating for her because no one really knew Ethan the way Jules knew Ethan. Whatever had been said to Jasper had probably been colored by perception, whether it was Jasper's sister, or... whoever had been at prom. Ruby, probably, since Jules couldn't imagine Jasper seeking out many of their classmates. Jules had been the one who wanted to tell Jasper about Ethan, and she had planned to. "I wasn't going to go to prom," Jules said, her voice quiet. "I wasn't doing much of anything, Jasper. School was hard. I dropped out of cheerleading. Things like that just felt pointless. But Ethan showed up on prom night. He didn't want me to miss it. That doesn't mean I didn't think about you and wish you were with me instead." Her hand tightened on his hip, just in case he thought about moving away. "Ethan is sort of like a key? It's hard to explain. When he's with me, we can open doorways, sort of like what happened in the woods but we have more control over what we're doing. It doesn't happen randomly anymore and I don't feel any pain or get sick when I do it."
Jasper couldn’t help but picture some romantic teen movie scenario where Jules was moping around in her room and the handsome just-a-friend showed up at the house in a suit and with flowers to sweep her off to the dance where magical chemistry happened and kissing under the low lights ... He tried to push that mental image away. Life wasn’t a movie, and it probably hadn’t been like that. He hoped not, anyway. Ruby hadn’t said she’d seen them kissing. Even if they had, Jules had thought Jasper was gone for good. He had to keep that in mind. She shouldn’t have been doomed to isolation for forever. He listened silently, a vaguely pained look still on his face as he did so. He didn’t much like the key metaphor, it reminded him of all those ‘key and lock’ comparisons for sex from Sunday school lectures about being abstinent. Jasper realized in a dim way that he was focused on such tiny petty shit when his girlfriend was telling him she was able to open doorways into other fucking dimensions easily now, but that voice of insecurity was so loud. Jules apparently needed this guy to do that, which made him special too. A necessary partner in specialness from some research facility, which sounded like it was full of smart people. Ethan was helping her, while Jasper was ... a high school dropout now, just a dumb nobody loser who happened to fuck her how she liked it. Things were still so raw right now, but could she stay in love with Jasper with a guy like Ethan around? Maybe he was being a pessimist, but there was a sense of loss already settling in his chest, even with Jules still right in front of him. “I’m glad it doesn’t hurt you anymore,” he murmured, not sure what else to say.
Jules knew that it was a lot of information to digest, and she hadn't even gotten into the deeper details of it all. But she also knew Jasper needed to know what had happened in the months he was gone. She didn't want to keep things from him and she needed him to know that her feelings for him never changed. Ethan had kept her sane and given her some kind if purpose but that didn't mean she had fallen in love with him. Jasper's short response prompted a pained look as she studied him. "Ethan means a lot to me, but I don't love him, Jasper. Not like that. I don't want this to be a problem." They were both jealous people. Possessive even. Being in love hadn't really changed that. Jules knew how she would feel if there was some girl connected to Jasper in ways she couldn't be. It would drive her crazy. Jules leaned in to press a kiss against his lips. "There's been no one else for me since you. That's not changing, okay?"
Jasper didn’t want it to be a problem either, but more in the sense that he didn’t want Ethan to exist. Or at least not be in Jules’s life. That was selfish and stupid of course, but he couldn’t help it at the moment. He wanted to believe Jules, he really did, but insecurity had him hung up on ‘Ethan means a lot to me.’ Jasper tried to remind himself that he had people who meant a lot to him too who weren’t Jules. One of whom he’d traded blowjobs with, so how was that fair? But he’d known Logan for years, another part of him piped up. Way longer than Jules, and it wasn’t like Jules had a dick he could experiment with, but this Ethan guy had all the equipment she liked ... He kept all the stupid things he wanted to blurt out locked in his throat, scooting in closer so he could tuck his face in against her neck and cling to her tightly. Jasper didn’t want her to look at him anymore. He took a couple of deep breaths that weren’t quite steady and tried to push it all down, blank it all out. He’d been gone, things had changed, he had to accept that, didn’t he? “I can’t lose you,” he whispered. Which probably meant he couldn’t make a big deal about it no matter how he felt. What would she choose if she had to -- a connection to her dead father and a partner who could help her control her painful power and open up doors to amazing new worlds? Or ... him? It seemed clear to Jasper. He had to behave.
Her hand moved instinctively to the back of his head and Jules could practically feel the emotion radiating from his body. His words prompted Jules to close her eyes and exhale softly. It was difficult to speak right away, with her throat feeling as tight as it was. If there was a way for her to snap her fingers and reassure him, she would do it. But she knew words could be meaningless sometimes and when had they ever properly communicated when the topic was this heavy? "You're not going to lose me," Jules murmured, pressing her cheek to his. "Jasper, we've been through so much together. I thought about you every day that you were gone. I don't want anyone else but you. I love you. Nothing's going to change that, I promise."
Jasper tried to let those words sink in and really settle. He wanted that to be true, that nothing would change it, even though everything felt so unstable to him right then. With everything he’d been through and the memory loss and regain and having to live somewhere else and the loss of so much time ... how could he be sure of anything? He took a minute to just breathe Jules in and take comfort in her bare skin against his, and that she’d wanted him back at all. “I love you too,” he murmured, pulling back to look at her again. “Everything feels confusing right now, but ... not that.” Jasper kissed her softly, stroking his hand slowly down her back. No matter how she might have felt or started to feel about Ethan while he’d been gone, he was back now, and Jules still loved him. Jasper clung to that more than anything.
She understood the confusion and she knew Jasper was still trying to adjust to being back here after being in that place for so long. Maybe if Jasper and Ethan met, Jasper would feel better about everything. He could see for himself that they were just friends and it would be one less thing for him to worry about. She kissed him back, her hand sliding to cup his jaw so her fingers could brush along his skin. "I want to help make things better," Jules murmured. "Whatever you need me to do, okay?" It probably wouldn't be that easy, and there was probably a rough road ahead, but Jules felt like they could handle it. Things might not be the same as before, but there was no reason why it couldn't be better.
Jasper wished he knew what to tell her that he needed, but he didn’t. This was all new, crazy territory for him too. Things had been so dismally awful, he’d thought so many times about just walking into the fog and letting himself be eaten, and now he was back after months ... it was enough to make anyone’s head spin, and he hadn’t been the most stable person to start with. Sometimes Jasper felt like his insides were all wrong now; they’d adapted to Over There and now everything was strange. Maybe that was a sign of bigger problems to come, he didn’t know. He just knew that he felt good being with Jules and that was all he wanted. “You’re doing it,” he murmured, soaking in the soft feel of her fingers on his face. “Just be with me.” Maybe he would have more concrete answers later, but for now all Jasper could think to want was his old life back, and that largely revolved around Jules.
Jules smiled softly and nuzzled her nose to his. "I can do that. I'm not going anywhere." They were both going through things and she had no idea what was going to happen, but she felt like they could get through things if they were together. It still felt like they had so much to talk about, but she didn't want to get into it all right now. Not when his bare body was warm and solid and pressed against her. She had dreamed of this moment so many times in the past few months that it still felt surreal to have Jasper laying with her in her bed. She didn't want to let him go, still afraid that he could just disappear if she let him out of her sight again. Jules pressed another soft kiss to his lips. "How is it at Ms. Harris's house? Are you comfortable there and everything?"
He didn’t know what he would do if that turned out not to be true, if she did go somewhere, either physically or emotionally. Jasper didn’t know if Jules’s future plans had changed at all over the past four months ... she’d said that school hadn’t been important, so had she put in college applications? If she was moving, he was going with her, he’d already decided. If she would have him, that was. Those seemed like questions that were Too Big for the moment though, and Jasper tried to just take her at her word and not feel so left behind. The question about Ms. Harris’s house made him huff and give a wry smile. “Not really,” he answered. “I mean, it’s not her fault, she’s been really nice. It’s just ... weird. I feel like I gotta be on good behavior, you know? Not fuck it up for my dad. He’s happy, which is also weird, but in a good kinda way. But ... I dunno. Feels temporary and not my space. And kinda crowded, I give up the basement bed when Elodie comes around to spend the night and sleep in Amelia’s room.”
Jules had sent out a couple of college applications. And she had gotten a couple of acceptance letters too. But those letters were tucked away in her desk drawer and she hadn't wanted to look at them again since Jasper returned home. There had already been doubt in her mind about leaving Maine for school, or going to school at all, and now it just seemed silly to think that far ahead... despite the fact that she had a deadline to accept her acceptances. It just wasn't something she wanted to think about right now. Jules nodded a little, her lips curving at the mental image of Jasper attempting to "behave" in front of Ms. Harris. "I guess it's hard to turn off the reminder that she was your teacher," Jules said. "I'm glad your dad is happy though. I think they're super cute together." She paused, trailing her fingers down his side again. "Have you, like... talked to Logan about moving in together? I know you're going through a lot, and maybe you want to be near family. But maybe it's a good time for that to happen. Maybe you need your own space too."
Jasper never thought the description “super cute” would ever fit his dad, but it kind of did when he saw Gavin and Charlie together. It was weird, but good, and Amelia seemed happy with it, so what else could he care about? His already-faint smile faded a little more when Jules asked about Logan, and Jasper shook his head slightly. There were reasons that moving in with Logan might feel complicated and maybe even kind of risky, but he still wanted to do it. It just made the most sense. They could control themselves around each other -- Logan was pretty much the most easy going person in the world. “We haven’t talked about it again yet, but ... yeah, I want to,” Jasper murmured to Jules. “I just kinda feel like I need a job first. But Ruby said her dad would probably still hire me. Dad’s offered to pay for an apartment but ...” He gave a pained look and shook his head again. “He’s not like, rich or anything.”
That made sense to Jules. Jasper would need money to pay rent, whether Gavin helped him or not. She remembered the fight they'd had about it months ago but it seemed so silly now. She liked Logan and she wanted Jasper to be happy and comfortable. That didn't mean their future was in jeopardy just because he lived with his friend for a while. "Maybe he could just help with the deposit and stuff," Jules suggested, leaning in to nuzzle him again and pressing a kiss to his lips. "If you work for Ruby's dad, then... I mean, it shouldn't be too hard to pay for stuff, right? And I mean, it doesn't have to be right away, if you want to be with Logan and stuff, but... we could always find a place of our own too. Someday. If you wanted." It wasn't something Jules had actively given thought to, but now that Jasper was back, she didn't want to let him go. She would be eighteen soon and out of school. It was likely she would never leave this town, especially now, but she always knew Jasper would be her future.
Help with the deposit might be useful, Jasper hadn’t even thought that far. He’d never rented his own place, so he didn’t know everything that went into it. Logan had a job, but Jasper didn’t want to be a mooch and stress his bestie out about bills, so he wanted to wait for his own paychecks to start coming in before they moved in together. If they moved in together. Jasper idly curled his fingers over and over against Jules’s back, his brows creeping upward a bit as Jules suggested the two of them get their own place. “Is that what you want?” he murmured softly, his eyes still focused on hers. “Like, soon? What about school, have you made any college plans?” Jasper had a feeling he knew the answer was No, but he had to ask anyway. Jules’s mom seemed like the type to kick her out if she wasn’t enrolled in college, so if Jules anticipated needing a place, of course he was going to help her out.
Now that she had suggested it out loud, Jules realized it was something she wanted. She couldn't live under her mom's influence forever, and while she knew Margaret Cooper would probably lose her damn mind over it, Jules found she really didn't care. At some point, Jules had to be able to live her own life. "I got accepted to a few," she admitted quietly. "But I can't imagine leaving now. There's too much keeping me here. I don't even know what I want to do with my life, you know? I mean, like, as a career. I know I'll get there eventually, but it doesn't seem super important right now." Jules hoped he understood that and wouldn't push her to get out of this town. She was staying, for better or worse. Studying him, Jules wasn't entirely sure what kind of response she was expecting. "I get it if you'd rather live with Logan, but... it's an option..."