Carson Durand (dontlaugh) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2020-11-23 14:17:00 |
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Entry tags: | #may 2018, carson, carson x jules, jules |
Who: Jules and Carson
When: late May, night
Where: the Fallows, then Jules's house
Status: complete
Carson had staved off outright despair until everyone was gone. His Vex-friend had disappeared while they slept one night, and Carson had gone to the hotel to find that several of them were missing too. He could smell their absence, and hear the others talking. Carson kept watch outside, and chased off the monsters that tried to get in. He had no sense of how long it took, but one by one, all of them went away. Carson didn’t know how or why. He knew they hadn’t gotten eaten, he couldn’t smell any fresh blood anywhere in the area -- and he’d searched, oh how he’d searched. They were just gone. He would’ve thought they’d found a way to leave, but the ones left behind seemed distressed about it, so he didn’t think any of it was happening on purpose.
Finally, he was the only one left. Carson had waited for what felt like a long time, but no one came back. He waited to disappear too, but that didn’t happen for a while. Finally, he just ran. As fast and far as he could. And he howled as loud as he could, but there was never an answer. He was alone ... except for the stinking creatures that tried to kill him over and over again, of course.
He lost the sense of himself for a while, becoming an animal in an extremely large cage. There was nothing to eat but that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy the sensation of tearing into flesh with his teeth, even if it tasted rotten. He fought and ran and howled his loneliness to the world and sometimes he slept.
One of those times, everything was different when Carson opened his eyes again. It was dark, for one thing, a more full dark than it ever was in that evil place. The air was clear and pleasant as he pulled it into startled lungs. He could hear crickets, bugs moving around in the tall grasses around him. When he rolled over onto his back, he could see stars in the sky. He felt a breeze against his skin ... it didn’t ruffle any fur though, and that prompted Carson to look down at himself. His body was different, filthy, human. Confusion and distress flooded him and he sat up, his small human heart pounding away in fear now. He was still alone but somewhere different, somewhere very grassy and the smells were incredibly strong and all the night-noises filling his ears were so foreign.
Before he could think better of it, he tilted his head back and let out a howl from deep in his chest. It sounded small and pathetic. Not his howl, because this wasn’t his body. He tried to get up and run, but he fell in the dirt instead. Full of confused despair, Carson cried out again, more of a yell than a howl, everything in him desperate for help.
It had been a while since Jules heard anything in her head that wasn't her own thoughts. Neil and Nic had more or less left her alone since January and though she had heard some... muddled noises every now and then, it had never been anything as clear as this was. It startled her in the shower because it sounded like someone in pain. Even without coherency, it was familiar to her and Jules quickly flipped off the water and grabbed a towel. Carson?! Was it him? So many people had come back from that place, but not Carson. She had wondered on more than one occasion if he had died, but now, there was a tiny spark of hope. Without hesitating, she ran out of the bathroom, shivering, and headed for her closet to find some clothes to throw on. It was possible he didn't need help. Maybe he was in town, or showed up in someone's house like Jasper had. But if he did need someone, he wouldn't have a phone, right? He just had his mind.
Everything was different and strange, but nothing surrounding him compared to the sudden presence of another voice in his head. It was abrupt and female and the word she said was tantalizingly familiar ... Carson pushed himself up onto his knees and looked around wildly. He knew it hadn’t come from outside of his ears though, it came from inside. Was he dreaming it? Had he cracked up enough that he was making up voices to keep him company? It was difficult for Carson to think in words, and he wasn’t sure how this worked anyway, so he just projected how lost he was and how much he needed help. He didn’t really know who or what or where he was, and the girl’s voice was something to cling to, so he tried to do that.
He didn't respond. Not in words. Jules could feel it though and she closed her eyes, remembering when he had asked her to send him the memory of what she had seen when she crashed her car. Maybe Carson was trying to do that. Send her images. It was a little hazy but Jules recognized the area, even in the dark. Those weeds? He was definitely in the Fallows. I'm coming, she told him, yanking a shirt from a hanger to tug over her head. Would he be like the others and not know who she was? Maybe he didn't know who he was. She could only hope he would listen instead of trying to walk around that place in the dark. Jules grabbed her keys and rushed out of the house. Just stay where you are. I'll find you.
Carson’s thoughts turned puzzled. He was in the middle of a field in the dark, and even if the girl knew the right place to come, he didn’t know how she was going to find him. If she was even real. But he could smell the way to go, the direction that led to asphalt instead of more wildness, where cars would come. He definitely wasn’t walking anywhere, but he could crawl. What would’ve been an easy loping motion on three real legs as a wolf turned out to be clumsy and slow with human arms and one leg that wasn’t even shaped right to make it easy. Sticks and debris jabbed uncomfortably into his palms and knee and Carson found himself irritated that this skin was so much weaker than what he was used to. He could feel the girl’s urgency, and that was nice, but it was all still so confusing. Who ...? he asked in his mind, the question relevant for both himself and her. Words were hard, but the intent was there. How long? Thirsty.
Jules paused at her car. Thirsty. Shit. She turned and ran back into the house to grab a couple bottles of water. Her whole body felt like it was buzzing with anticipation of seeing Carson again, but also fear that he might be in bad shape. Jules considered calling someone to come with her, or even calling the hospital to send someone out there, but what if he was... a werewolf? They would probably hurt him, or worse. I'm Jules. We know each other. If he didn't remember her then maybe that would make him feel better. I'm leaving right now. I'll try to be there in less than fifteen minutes. Just don't go anywhere, okay? I have water. He might be scared and try to take off... if he was a werewolf, what if he ran into the road and got hit by a car? If he was Carson, what if he got lost, or hurt? Maybe if she kept him talking, it would be okay.
This girl-voice in his head definitely hadn’t been a steady presence that he remembered ... but Carson realized that he didn’t remember much in the first place. He knew his body wasn’t right, he was supposed to be a wolf, big wolf. He knew the air and the plants and the smell of this place was wrong and familiar at the same time. It was all super confusing. But he was small and naked and vulnerable, not able to move fast at all, and even though the girl was saying stay put, that seemed dangerous. What if there was something stalking him through the weeds he was in? His skin prickled with uncomfortable awareness. Carson paused to straighten up on his knees and look around over the tops of the grasses for a moment. There was a tree between him and the road-smell, so he headed that direction, clumsy-crawling again. Maybe he could climb it and wait if he had to. His body hurt all over, thirst and hunger twisting his gut, exertion and old injuries throbbing in the rest. That didn’t matter though, instinct said he had to get safe first. Jules. Nothing ... right. All different.
His words were confusing and he sounded - felt? - disoriented. Jules drove as quickly as she could without being super reckless. She didn't want to get pulled over or anything, but it was night time and the Fallows could be as creepy as the woods. Belatedly she realized that maybe all different meant he had gotten used to the Other Place and if his memory was gone right now, it would be scary and confusing. You live here. I mean, not where you are, but near where you are. Are you human? Or a werewolf? She hadn't been able to hear him as a werewolf, not like this. So she was really hoping he was Carson again. If he was still a werewolf, he could try to maul her to death or something. And even if he was in his right mind as a wolf, driving a werewolf back to Point Pleasant was just... well, not really the weirdest thing to have happened to her this year.
Carson could understand every word she said, or thought, to him, which also felt different. Like he hadn’t been quite as good with words very recently. He didn’t know if that made sense. Nothing did. Maybe it came with the body change. The word ‘werewolf’ caught his attention and felt right, and the instant and fierce answer that popped into his mind was an emphatic wolf. That was what he was ... right? But he wasn’t at the moment. He had human arms and legs and head and face, and he could feel that his teeth were tiny and flat in his mouth. With reluctance, he corrected himself, pausing to take a rest down in the rustling grasses. Human body, he told Jules. Wasn’t before.
Wolf. Human body. Jules's brows furrowed in confusion. She supposed the important part was human body. She understood that he hadn't been human before. I know. She told him, frowning. She was heading out of town now, trying to make sure there weren't any cops hiding as she accelerated. You were a wolf when you went into the portal. Doorway. Whatever. But you saved my life. Jules wondered if that was something she should be telling him when he was so clearly disoriented. I'm only a few miles away. Do you see anything around that will help me find you? Can you make it to the edge of the road?
Portal doorway? Carson didn’t really remember that. All he had were vague, jumbled snippets of his time in the bad-smelling place. He remembered a man with a beard, and he remembered killing a bunch of creatures that tried to kill them first. Nothing else was very clear. But this girl-voice -- if she was actually real and not just his brain cracking in half -- said she knew him and sounded knowledgeable about what was going on. Carson was too tired not to trust her. He had almost made it to the tree, and then it was a short distance to the road, so he thought he could make it. He sent her an affirmative thought, forcing his body back into motion to crawl in that direction. Road. Near tree. Almost there.
Jules exhaled with some relief. The road was quiet tonight and dark. If she could see Carson on the edge, that would be so much easier than having to try and figure out where he was in the Fallows. Plus, unless she was with friends and drinking, that place was creepy. I'm going to look for you. If you see a car coming, don't do anything, okay? Just in case it's not me. Maybe someone stopping to help before she got there wouldn't be a bad thing, but if Carson was unwell, it could frighten them and they might call the cops or something. Tell me when you get to the road.
Carson definitely didn’t want to deal with anyone else who might happen by, so he hoped only Jules showed up. His arms and shoulders were burning with effort, his body depleted of most of the energy it had stored. He hadn’t had to eat over there where there was no good prey, and Carson didn’t remember suffering because of it, but now ... this place was different. The place he was supposedly from. He was starving and thirsty and oh so fucking tired. He grunted and panted with the exertion, focusing on keeping this broken little body moving until he’d passed the tree and reached the end of the tall weeds. There was a ditch and then the road in front of him, smelling like asphalt and old rubber and cars. Here, he told the girl, staying low in the grass and looking from side to side for approaching lights.
Jules immediately slowed and began to look along the sides of the road. Since no cars were coming at her, she flipped on her brights to see better. It was another mile before she caught sight of something, someone, hunched down in the ditch near the road. Carson. Heart pounding wildly in her chest, Jules quickly pulled over, throwing her car into park before she climbed out. "Carson?" It looked like him and who else was going to be out here like this? "I'm Jules," she told him, taking tentative steps to where he was crouched. "I can take you back home." Or definitely to a hospital. She was just excited that he was back like Jasper and Bash's mom and so many of the others. Losing Jasper had been painful, but she harbored a lot of guilt about Carson too. He hadn't deserved to be stuck in that place.
Carson had sunk lower when he spotted the lights -- bright enough to make his eyes burn and tear up -- and tried to disappear into the weeds until the car stopped and the girl got out. So she was real. Her voice out loud was slightly different than the one in her head, and something about hearing her made it more familiar to him. He squinted up at her, but her face was back-lit and shadowy and he didn’t know it. Carson couldn’t smell her over the powerful scents of the car. Home? Where was that? Back to the Stink Place? That idea made him want to run, but he couldn’t run, he’d already proven that. So he guessed he was stuck with this girl. Thirsty, he told her in his mind. His physical tongue felt thick and dry and stupid. He hadn’t spoken human words in who knew how long, he didn’t think he could. If only thinking worked, that was all he wanted to do. Carson didn’t move, still hunkered down and filthy, not sure how he was going to get into the car and actually ride anywhere.
Thirsty. Jules jerked, startled to hear the voice still in her head when he was right there. But maybe his throat was too dry to talk. “Oh. Right! Hold on.” She hurried back to the car and grabbed the bottle of water. Twisting the cap off she carried it to Carson, hesitating before offering it to him. He was still crouched down here and Jules had the brief image of having to coax him out like he was a dog. She really hoped she wouldn’t have to do that. “Your name is Carson,” she said, just to talk to him so he could get used to her voice again. “You.... disappeared almost four months ago. Other people who were with you... most of them are back now. You have family here. “
Carson reached up for the bottle, and tried not to outright snatch it from her. But he couldn’t get his lips around it fast enough. He let himself have only a couple of gulps and then stopped when his stomach gave a warning clench. He stared intently at Jules as she spoke, trying to process all that. Carson, yes, that sounded right enough, but the body still didn’t feel right. Like it was too ... small. He frowned as he thought about that. The other people there with him ... he thought of the bearded man and the people at the inn ... was that who she meant? Carson remembered howling, being alone when he didn’t want to be. He swallowed and worked his jaw a little, trying out all those complicated speech muscles again. “You’re ... family?” he asked, the words a little blurry around the edges. He was still trying to understand who she was and how they could talk to each other in their heads. That seemed like the most important thing to know if he was getting into her car.
“Um. No, not exactly. It’s a really long story, but I’m a friend.” She hoped he would believe that, despite the fact that she was seventeen. This was so weird and she wished his cousin was here to help him. Belatedly, she wished she had called Jasper to help. Jasper had been over there, he might have known the right things to say. “Do you think you can get into the car? Your leg is probably gone... um, I can help you if you need it. But we should go before other cars come by and see us.”
Their age difference wasn’t even registering to Carson at the moment. Nothing could be less important. If Jules said she was a friend, and she could hear his thoughts, then he believed her. She was right that they needed to move though. He didn’t want to attract more people, more questions. They seemed as bad as the fog monsters at the moment. Carson took another swallow from the water bottle and handed it back to Jules. He crawled further into the ditch toward Jules’s car, unmindful of his nudity -- he was filthy enough that there wasn’t much to see, his body painted in dirt and old dried blood like camouflage. Carson stopped and glanced up at the doors of the small sedan, not sure if he should be in the back or the front, and he gave Jules an uncertain look.
For a moment she wondered why he was crawling but then she remembered he was missing a leg. Duh. She felt bad, like she ought to reach down and help him to his feet. She had some upper body strength, but she didn't know how weak he was and if he couldn't stay upright, they would probably both go toppling. "Here," she said, hurrying over to open the passenger side door. She had a light fleece blanket in her trunk that she used to take to the beach and once she was sure Carson could get into the seat on his own, she went around to pop the trunk so she could grab the blanket. "Here," she said, coming back to unfold the blanket with a shake. "If you're hungry, I can get you some food. But I think you need a hospital."
It hurt to haul himself up into the car, but Carson managed. It felt so surreal and strange to be there, like he didn’t belong in that sort of civilized environment. He knew what a car was, but all the examples he could pull up in his memory were rusty hulks, useless. At least it didn’t smell as bad inside the vehicle as outside. The blanket Jules gave him felt impossibly soft and he pulled it around his shoulders as he found the most comfortable way to sit in the car. Carson had to think for a second about what ‘hospital’ meant, then he frowned deeply and shook his head. “No, no hospital,” he said gruffly. He didn’t want to be around any people at all until he got his bearings, much less people who would poke and prod at him and ask him a bunch of questions he couldn’t answer. He wanted food, and somewhere he could get clean. The instinct to start licking himself was strong, but he knew that was ... not right, somehow. “Food and shower.”
Food and shower. Jules realized that while she knew some of Carson's family lived in town, she didn't know where or who. Should she reach out to Nic or Neil? Nic, maybe, since Neil wasn't someone she wanted to deal with. Would it be wrong of her to just drop him off at Nic's house, wherever that was? Jules glanced at Carson as she turned the car around in the road to head back to Point Pleasant. He had saved her life and then paid the price by getting stuck over in that place. She owed him more than trying to push him off on someone else. Jules grimaced, just thinking about trying to sneak him into her house. "I can... take you home. You can use my shower, if you want. I can get you some food too. Then we can figure things out. I know someone who might be able to tell me where your family lives. Do you... remember anything about where you were?"
Riding in a car felt a little disorienting, like it made his stomach flop over in a weird way. Carson shut his eyes and pulled the blanket tighter around him. He was probably getting Jules’s car seat completely filthy, but he couldn’t care much. He dimly appreciated that she was being cooperative and not insisting that he go to a hospital. Carson knew he was pretty well helpless at the moment, and he really didn’t want to be forced to go to a hospital. He wasn’t fussy about where he got a shower and food, but he was also grateful that it didn’t sound like Jules knew where his family was. He didn’t feel ready for family, he was barely comprehending that he belonged here in this tiny squishy body. He frowned and squinted and tried to remember. “Fog,” he said after a moment, giving a little nod. “Fog and bad animals. Beard man. No sun, no moon. Just gray and fog and bad smells.”
Jules frowned, glancing at Carson as she drove. Jasper hadn't told her much about where he had been. Carson wasn't giving her many details either but there was enough for her to put it together that it had been bad. Really bad. But... she knew that already, didn't she? Now wasn't the time to let guilt overwhelm her. She just needed to get Carson somewhere to clean up and eat something. After that, well, she would figure it out. "You were a wolf the whole time?" Jules asked. "Until just now, when you came home?"
The more words he said, the easier they became somehow. Maybe that was a good sign. The beard man had talked to him off and on, but Carson hadn’t thoroughly understood him all the time, he’d just gotten the gist. That had been enough for them. This was different though, everything was different. Jules’s words were easier to understand. Or maybe it was just him. “Always wolf, big wolf,” he confirmed in a mutter, absently reaching down to rub at the stump under his knee. It was aching now, unhappy with all the strain he’d just put his body through. Carson hesitated then, frowning a bit as he thought. “Since ... the woods and lightning in the dark and ... the girl ...” The memory was somehow vague and vivid at the same time, like overbright snapshots in his brain, all disconnected but there. Carson looked sharply over at Jules. “It was you,” he murmured.
Big wolf. Yes, that was true. Jules could remember very clearly what Carson had looked like when he changed that night and went after Jasper. She'd had nightmares about it too. Her fingers tightened around the steering wheel and Jules met his gaze briefly. "It was me," she confirmed. "You saved my life. I didn't mean for you to get stuck in that place." None of them had, though she didn't think it was important to bring up Nic and Neil just yet. "And I'm sorry that it happened. You were just trying to protect me." Maybe he would blame her now, or get angry or violent. Jules tried to brace herself in case it happened, though she was really hoping he would be too exhausted to hate her at the moment.
It wasn’t all flooding back in a rush or anything, but Carson felt like he was starting to remember small bits of who he had been, before the wolf. Or at least before he was the wolf for so long. It was hard to remember a time when that didn’t feel natural, but everything was hard to remember at the moment. He didn’t connect that Jules had been responsible for sending them to that place, it was all still too jumbled and strange. He just recalled a strong feeling that he needed to protect her, and the pain from changing when he wasn’t supposed to ... or just changing in general? Carson couldn’t even remember if he’d killed the boy who had been trying to hurt Jules. He’d torn a lot of things apart in the past several months, had one of them been human? Carson gave a grunt and shifted restlessly in the seat again. “Then I did good,” he muttered. She was still alive, she hadn’t been where he’d been, and she didn’t seem injured or anything ... so he’d done what he’d set out to do. That was comforting somehow.
A soft noise escaped her, one that included both relief and duh as she glanced at him again. "Yeah, you did good." And Jules wanted to say she was sorry again but she didn't really think he would understand it all until he remembered everything he had been through before that place. He seemed disoriented and Jules knew Jasper hadn't remembered anything about himself for a while after he found his way home. "I'm taking you to my house. But... there are stairs and everything. I have a pair of old crutches in the garage from when I broke my ankle freshman year, so do you think you could use those to get inside?" She had no idea if she would be strong enough to help him get inside and upstairs to her room. Jules was praying her mom wasn't home, or at least too preoccupied elsewhere to notice Jules helping a one legged, filthy man into her bedroom.
For a second Carson wasn’t sure why stairs would be a problem, but the ache in his shortened leg didn’t leave him confused for long. Climbing into the car had been hard enough, he didn’t think he could climb up a bunch of stairs. He had to think about what a crutch was before it came back to him, then he nodded. “Yes,” he answered. He’d used those before, he was pretty sure. If not, he could figure it out. Since being on all fours -- threes -- wasn’t really effective anymore. He very slowly started to realize he was naked, and Jules was a younger girl, and it didn’t seem like they’d had the kind of relationship where that was okay. Carson pulled the blanket over his crotch more. He didn’t try to say anything else, his brain busy trying to sort through the jumble of memories he actually had. He was so tired and lost, but he was glad Jules was there, someone he knew and obviously cared enough about to protect.
Jules had been keeping her eyes on the road and Carson's face. She knew he was naked so she had very deliberately been keeping her focus elsewhere. It didn't make her uncomfortable because she knew Carson would never try anything or hurt her... at least not in that manner. He didn't seem angry or anything, so Jules had been able to relax as they drove up to Overlook. The sky was darker now and the lights were off in the house but for the kitchen. That was generally the only light her mom left on when she went to bed, or was out for the evening. Exhaling, Jules pushed the garage door opener above her head and quickly held her breath until she saw her mom's car was gone. Oh thank god. Relieved, Jules pulled into the garage and shut the door behind them so no one across the street would see Carson getting out of the car. "Let me grab the crutches," she told him before climbing out of the car. They were in a pile in the corner somewhere and it took her a minute to tug them out of their spot. They were kind of dusty and had a cobweb stuck in between the slats, but there were no spiders or anything so Jules cleaned it off quickly before carrying them over to the passenger side door for him.
There weren’t any other cars at the house, and that seemed like a good thing. It was a big house too, from what Carson could see of it in the dark. He pushed the car door open when Jules got out but waited in the seat while she got what she was getting. The crutches she offered him looked different than the picture of ‘crutch’ in his mind, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out how they worked. He was much filthier than the crutches were, so he didn’t even think about them being dirty as he took them and used them to help him climb out of the car. Carson took a moment or two to get adjusted and wrap the blanket around his waist and tuck it in. His body felt so achy and out of energy, but relief was coming soon, so he pushed through the discomfort and started to follow Jules into the house.
Jules walked slowly, making sure Carson could keep up with her. The house itself was quiet and she still had no idea what she was going to do after Carson was cleaned up and had some food. Would he fit into some of Jason's clothes? Maybe some sweatpants or something though Carson was a bit taller than Jason. She sure as hell wasn't going to get him her dead stepdad's clothes. That was creepy. Jules led him through the house to the base of the stairs and she gestured. "Do you want to go first? I mean... I don't know if I could catch you safely if you fall, but... like, I could try, at least." The last thing she needed was another body falling down these damn stairs.
The house was huge and immaculate to Carson’s eyes. Only one family lived there? Everything looked so shiny and perfect and new, it boggled his mind a bit. He was so used to everything covered in fungus and decay, he thought Jules and her family must be millionaires. Or maybe everything here in this world was like that. He certainly didn’t feel like part of it. Carson eyed the staircase warily for a moment, then looked the skinny teenage girl up and down, doubting that she could save him if he tumbled backward. He would just end up hurting her too. Besides, he didn’t like having people behind him. “You first,” Carson muttered, nodding at the stairs. “Don’t worry.” He would make it up if he had to crawl. It turned out that wasn’t necessary as they went up, but Carson was slow at handling the crutches and his body so it took a little while to climb the steps. He felt even more exhausted at the top of the stairs, but he knew relief was on its way.
Jules hesitated before going up the stairs first, like he requested. She moved slow and kept glancing back to make sure he was doing okay. She felt bad that he had to heft himself up the stairs with only crutches but he seemed to be all right. At least the blanket was holding. At the top of the landing, Jules led him down the hall to her bedroom. Quickly opening the door, she gestured inside. "The bathroom is right there. I'll try to find you some clothes you can wear. My stepbrother might have some that will fit. Um... food. Is pizza okay? I can heat one up. Or I can just make you a sandwich? Whatever you want."
Carson’s stomach clenched painfully when Jules asked him about food. He knew the words but couldn’t conjure up the mental images of what they meant. Pizza sounded hot though, and hot sounded better. “Pizza,” he grunted, as he crutched his way through Jules’s bedroom toward the bathroom. All he could really focus on at the moment was the desire to get clean, and that was where such things happened, he knew that much. It didn’t occur to him to thank her yet, he was concentrating too hard on what was to come. Carson didn’t quite remember all the steps involved in a shower, but he remembered they felt good and he desperately needed one.
"Okay." She watched him head for her bathroom before turning to walk across the hall to Jason's room. The door was shut so she knocked quietly. After a few seconds of no answer, she carefully pushed the door open, hoping she wouldn't catch her stepbrother jerking off or something. But the room was empty so she quickly went to his dresser to try and find some clothes. The sweatpants and hoodie she snagged might not fit perfectly but they would have to do. Jules left them on her bed before she went downstairs to put a frozen pizza in the oven. She could have ordered one but that might have taken too long. She took her time though, standing in the kitchen, staring at the oven and letting Carson take his time. She wanted him to be dressed before she went back upstairs at least. Fiddling with her phone, she considered texting Nic but decided to wait until Carson was settled.
Finally, after the pizza was done, she cut it into slices, put several on a plate and grabbed another bottle of water before carrying it upstairs. Jules peered into her bedroom, just wanting to make sure Carson was ready... and clothed.
Getting wet and applying soap to himself turned out to be fairly simple once he’d found a comfortable position to sit in, but it felt so fucking good that Carson did it three times, twice right off the bat and then a third time after he figured out that shampoo belonged on his hair. All of the smells were incredibly strong and overly sweet-smelling -- it was a girl’s bathroom, after all -- but he found he didn’t mind once that itchiness had started to fade from his skin. Carson took time washing every centimeter of himself, and he got the sense that parts of his body weren't quite the same as they had been. He wasn’t really getting his memories back, he was just starting to feel more ... human. Less animal, even though his nose and ears seemed so sensitive.
When he was done, he dried off and found the clothes Jules had left him. Carson sat on her bed and pulled them on. The pants were a bit short in the legs and tight around his thighs and crotch, but they were soft and clean and that was more than enough. Carson folded up the pant leg to the knee to let his stump breathe and tugged the other one up just to do it. He was rubbing the towel over the hair on his face when Jules came back. The smell of the pizza hit him immediately, a wonderful and nauseating feeling all at once, and he sat up straighter, his stomach clenching.
He was dressed. And clean. Jules couldn't help but smile because now he looked like Carson again. "Pepperoni and sausage was all we had," she said, walking the plate and bottle of water over to where Carson was sitting. "There's more downstairs if you're still hungry when you finish. Do you feel any better?" That blanket she gave him was going to go right outside into the garbage, because ew. "Do you need any... uh, tylenol? Anything like that?" Jules wasn't entirely sure what he needed from her now. She felt out of her element, like she should have taken him to the hospital or police station, despite what he said. Really, she should have called Jasper. At least then Carson would have someone here who knew what he had been through.
Carson reached to accept the plate and the water, tucking the latter between his legs while he immediately dug into the pizza, before Jules was even done talking. The hot cheese and meat and bread tasted heavenly as he wolfed down the first piece and half of the second far faster than he probably should have. His stomach rolled over with a sick feeling and Carson paused to let it settle and answer his hostess. “I feel better, yeah,” he said, shooting her a glance that was a little apologetic and sheepish. “Still don’t remember much, though. ... what’s tylenol?” Carson thought he could figure it out, but he didn’t want to guess wrong, and if it was anything like pizza he definitely wanted some of it. He took another, slower bite and watched her while he chewed.
Jules's brows furrowed and her nose scrunched up in confusion. What's tylenol? Did he not remember anything? It occurred to her that maybe Carson was still in wolf-mode, brain wise, and werewolves wouldn't know what tylenol was, right? "Oh, it's like, little pills that you take when you're in pain, or have a headache or something like that. Like, if your leg hurts? If you're sore. You can take them and hopefully feel better." Maybe he wasn't in much pain though it had sort of looked like he was when he was trying to get around on those crutches.
That made sense and sounded familiar, the word had just thrown him off. Carson hummed his understanding and nodded. He was sore -- his muscles were exhausted and aching, his head hurt, his skin was all scratched up and stinging ... if she could make any of that feel better, that would be awesome. “Yeah, want some of that,” he confirmed before he took another big bite of pizza. His stomach didn’t like this abrupt intake of food, but it would just have to deal with it. He needed the energy. “I hurt all over,” Carson told her, all the food stuffed into his cheek for a second.
She hoped the tylenol actually helped because she didn't have anything stronger. Ducking into the bathroom, she grabbed her bottle of tylenol and popped open the cap before dropping four into her palm. "You can take them with water," she told Carson as she offered them out to him. Jules had no idea if he knew how to take the pills or not. He certainly seemed to know how to eat. "A lot of the people who disappeared with you came back too," she explained, setting the bottle on her nightstand. "Not everyone, but... a lot." Jules knew some of them probably died over there but she was trying not to think about that. The guilt would be too much.
Carson finished chewing what was in his mouth as he accepted the pills. They didn’t look like anything, just little white blobs, but if they helped then they helped and that would be great. He put them all into his mouth and then uncapped his water bottle to wash them down. Carson ended up drinking half of it because it was just so fucking good. Water was the best. With that done, he refocused on Jules, something inside of him perking up. “A lot?” he asked. “Is one, uh ... tall, white, with a beard and uh, crazy eyes?” He gave a frown of concentration, already aware that wasn’t much to go on. Carson strained to remember ... and then a name finally came to him. “Vex?” Jules might not know him, but she seemed to know a lot, so it was worth asking.
Grimacing, Jules managed an apologetic smile. "I don't know for sure. It's definitely possible. I don't know that everyone who came back made a big deal out of it. But like, I know of at least five... six? But I don't recognize the name Vex, I'm sorry. That doesn't mean he's not here." She pushed some discarded clothing off her desk chair to sit, still facing Carson. "I sort of remember a guy with a beard out in the woods. It was too dark to see his eyes, but he had a gun, I think. He shot someone before the doorway closed. Everyone was kind of crazy at that point."
Vex had shot someone? Carson frowned as he tried to remember that, but he couldn’t. He did remember a bunch of chaos and changing while he was trying to save Jules, but not much more than that. Even that was fuzzy. It was frustrating, and he huffed a sigh as he frowned deeply. It made him want to growl at things, but his human throat was different. Carson nibbled on some more pizza, half-glaring at Jules’s floor for a moment. “How could you ... be in my brain?” he asked, looking up at her again as he made a vague gesture at his head with pizza crust. “I don’t remember you there before, but it still felt ... okay. Like it was right, you know?”
"Oh." That was such a long, complicated story. Jules wasn't sure where to start. This is where Nic or Neil would have come in handy. "Well, before you... left... we were connected, uh, mentally. Psychically? Is that a word?" She wrinkled her nose. "But, we were having these weird, shared dreams with two other people. Nic and Neil? And a lot of weird stuff happened after that started. We started being able to talk to each other in our heads. I still don't know why. I thought maybe after the doorway shut and the problem was gone it might stop, but it didn't, not really. Sometimes, when you were gone, I could hear like... this weird, fuzzy static? Like maybe you were there, but not really. Maybe that was because you were a werewolf." Jules exhaled, since she wasn't sure if any of that made sense.
Carson didn’t really understand, and it probably showed on his face. That just caused more frustration, because he felt like he should understand. He should know this, be able to connect all the dots, he should remember what his life had been like Before. Obviously he had been living as a human -- maybe wolf only sometimes? -- and he’d known this girl well enough to want to protect her ... Were Nic and Neil the other two who had been in the clearing? None of it was clear to him. His head still hurt, and he was so tired. He had more questions, but he wasn’t sure how to ask, and Jules was probably ready for him to be out of her way anyway. He finished off the pizza and the water, carefully stacking the empty bottle on the empty plate and just holding them between his hands. “I don’t know what to do now,” he admitted in a small voice, eyes on his trash instead of Jules.
She saw the confusion and felt terrible. Surely she could explain it better, even if she had to start from the very beginning. Maybe that would help him, since he clearly didn't remember. Licking her lips, Jules glanced towards her bedroom door. She hadn't heard the garage door open again, so her mom wasn't back yet. Jason was who knows where. Exhaling slowly, Jules turned her attention back to Carson and gave him a small smile as she stood to walk over and take the trash from him. "It's late and you've been through a lot. You should sleep here tonight. I can sleep on the floor or sneak into the guest room after my mom goes to bed. In the morning we can work on finding your family. If you want me to, I can tell you everything I know. It'll just take a while and it's kind of a bizarre story, so if you're willing to stay up and listen, we can do that."
He looked surprised at the offer, holding onto the trash for an extra second before he let Jules take it. Carson might not have remembered her well, or anything well, but he was obviously in a teenage girl’s bedroom, and he knew he was a grown man and that was probably weird. Jules seemed comfortable with him though, hadn’t even freaked out about him not having any clothes, and Carson was dumbly grateful. “Are you sure?” he asked. “I don’t -- I don’t wanna take your bed, I can sleep on the floor. Or in the guest room.” This was a big house, maybe her mom didn’t go in there very often. Carson would let her lead, however. She knew her own home the best. “I do feel like I could sleep,” he added in a murmur. “Maybe you can tell me everything tomorrow?” There was a slim hope that he would wake up and remember everything, but Carson wasn’t going to hold his breath for that.
"I'm sure." Jules gave it another moment of thought before nodding, feeling settled by her choice. "Sleep in here. The sheets are clean and everything. I'll sleep in the guest room. If my mom happens to look in there, I can tell her there was a big ass spider in my room or something. She'll believe that and it'll be better than her going into the room for some reason and finding you. Although..." She trailed off with a smile. "You were my mom's trainer at the local gym before all of this happened so yeah, it would be weird but she would at least recognize you." A part of her was relieved that he wanted to go to sleep rather than listen to everything. Jules was tired too and she just wanted to call or text Jasper about what had happened. Tomorrow sounded so much better for the big stuff. "I can get you more water before you go to sleep if you want."
The bed under his ass was soft and squishy, which felt foreign, but part of Carson yearned for that kind of comfort. He couldn’t remember ever sleeping in a bed, considering he was too huge for that even on nights they’d stayed inside Juniper. What he was definitely going to miss was the presence of someone else while he was sleeping. He and Vex had spent every night together. For a moment, Carson was tempted to ask Jules to lay down with him for a while, just to feel the weight and heat of another living creature, but that definitely seemed like Too Much. She was already doing so much to help him. His brows rose at the news that Jules’s mom knew him, and he gave a little huff. “I was a trainer?” he murmured, though he didn’t really need an answer to that. “Uh yeah ... water would be good. Thank you.”
Jules felt kind of good that she could give him information about himself that he clearly didn't remember. It didn't have to all be bad or anything. Except... she didn't know much about him other than his job and how they shared dreams, he was a werewolf and had saved her life. "I'll be right back," she told him. It didn't take her long to get rid of his trash downstairs and get him another bottle of water. When she came back, she realized she would need to get some pajamas and brush her teeth and stuff before she let him have the room. "Here you go," she said, setting the water down on her nightstand. "I'm just going to change and brush my teeth and stuff if that's okay. I'll bring the bottle of tylenol out too if you start to hurt again. Do you need anything else? I mean, like do you have any other questions, or... do you want anything? There's more pizza downstairs and like... ice cream and stuff." Jules felt like maybe she was overdoing it, but she had harbored so much guilt over closing Carson on the other side. He had been the easiest person for her to talk to between the three guys she had been sharing dreams with, and he had looked out for her. Then he had suffered for months. She just wanted to make it right again.
Carson was shaking his head at her offers of anything else. His exhaustion was really catching up to him now that his belly was full and he’d been sitting down for a few minutes. He gave her a faint, tired smile. “I’m really okay,” he told her. “Thank you. But yeah, of course. It’s your room, do what you need to do.” Carson nodded to the room and shifted his position on the bed. He stretched out and lowered his head to the pillow. Everything smelled so strongly of Jules, of girly shampoo and perfume and all that, just like the bathroom had. It felt so strange and comforting at the same time. Had he had a girl somewhere? One that was older than Jules, obviously, but ... did Carson often sleep on a pillow that smelled like this? Being flat on his back felt wrong, so he rolled onto his side and curled up. It wasn’t how he was used to sleeping, but he was tired enough that it didn’t really matter. Within minutes, Carson was sound asleep.
Jules grabbed what she needed and slipped into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, her hair, and then changed into her pajamas. When she re-emerged, Carson was sleeping. She flipped off the light and grabbed the folded blanket at the end of her bed, drawing it up over his body. She was so relieved that he was back and she hoped tomorrow they could track down his family. Or maybe find out if this Vex person was back, since Carson remembered him. Maybe Jasper would know who he was. Jules left Carson, closing her bedroom door quietly and padding down the hallway to the guest room with her phone in her hand. With any luck her mom would leave her be for the night and they could get Carson out of the house without any trouble in the morning.