Who: Gavin and Jasper and Amelia When: early afternoon, Monday, May 21st Where: the Back Porch Status: complete
It didn’t take very long for Jasper’s memories to return. After he’d slept a bit in Logan’s bed, he’d woken up in a cold sweat, his mind a whirlwind of stuff. He would’ve preferred a gentle trickle of information, but that wasn’t how it happened. It was like someone had upturned a shredder over his head and he had to try to piece everything back together from the tangled mess around him. Logan had helped a lot, answering his near-frantic questions as well as he could, but there was a lot that he didn’t know. Jasper had been keeping a lot of secrets before he disappeared.
Some things were much easier to accept than others. Jasper had been upset for a while as the memories of some of the things he’d done ran on a vivid loop through his head. Breaking up with Jules so abruptly, draining Amelia without a second thought, the cold sense of insane purpose that had felt so good at the time. Killing his grandfather. That one stood high above everything else as an unforgivable crime. Nobody held any great love for Joseph Lucas, himself included, but to brutally murder him in front of his uncle and grandmother? And then just walk away from it like nothing happened? It made him inconsolable for a few hours, though he managed to avoid telling Logan exactly why he was so upset. He didn’t want the only friend he might have left to think he was some crazy killer.
Once he’d gotten numb enough, Jasper asked Logan to take him to his family. They drove to the house on Green Street first, and while it was heartbreakingly familiar to him, the For Sale sign in the front yard was heartbreaking in another way. There were no cars in the driveway, and it looked empty. His family had left the home they’d had, and neither of the boys in the car knew where they’d gone. After just staring at it for a long stretch of minutes, Jasper asked Logan to take him to The Back Porch. If that was for sale, he was really going to start worrying.
It wasn’t, as it turned out, it looked exactly like he remembered it. He had Logan drive around the back and confirmed his dad’s truck was there. Jasper assured his friend he would call if he needed him, gave him a tight hug, and then sent him on his way with promises that he would get in touch with Jules today too. Everybody got to know he was back now, for better or worse. With his heart pounding in his chest and his nerves on edge, Jasper pushed open the front door of the bar and walked inside.
Miles was tending the bar though it was quiet at this hour and all the guests currently had their drinks and were chatting among themselves. There weren't a lot of people in at that hour but they always had a few regulars even before the afternoon rush started. It shouldn't have been newsworthy to get one more but Miles took one look at Jasper, his eyes narrowing before widening to saucers. He looked unsure and held up a finger to indicate that he wait as he sidestepped to the back door and opened it. "Boss?" he hollered. "I think you... You need to come out here for a minute."
Gavin was in the back. He'd been bad about not wanting to tend to the bar before Jasper went missing but these days he hardly ever dealt with customers, his nerves too frayed and his patience for their bullshit zero. For some reason Miles yelling for him didn't annoy him this time, there was something about his voice, like it wasn't quite an emergency but still urgent. He supposed he could go look though with Miles it could be anything, a butterfly had come inside and he was amazed at its beauty, they had a celebrity in their midst, petty little shit Gavin didn't care about but Miles thought he should. So he pushed himself back from his desk and headed out front, ready to be underwhelmed by whatever it was.
Miles was staring at Jasper when Gavin came out and Gavin's eyes drifted from the wonder in his face to the boy standing on the other side of the bar. His heart dropped but not in that usual heavy anxious way it usually did. It just dropped and something spread inside him that was apprehensive and joyous all at once because he didn't need to stare questioningly at Jasper like Miles to be sure, he recognized him instantly. His long hair was gone and he looked so young standing there looking unsure but that was Jasper and Gavin didn't care if he was still infected or anything else, he needed to get to him before he disappeared again. He pushed past Miles and shakily pushed open the bartop on the side to make his way over there. "Jasper?" he whispered, though he didn't need to ask, it was just so unbelievable that he was here; alive and here! He didn't wait for a reply, his face crumbling as soon as he reached out and touched his son to find he was indeed real and tangible and quite easily pulled into a crushing hug.
Jasper got the craziest urge to run while Miles called for Gavin in the back. He was sure ‘boss’ was his dad, even if Miles didn’t say his name out loud. He had no idea how Gavin would react to him, if he even knew that Jasper had killed Joseph or how he felt about it. Luckily Logan had confirmed for him that Amelia was okay, so that was one worry laid to rest, but there were so many others. A terrified part of him half-expected Gavin to cuss him out and shove him back out the door into the street. He had on a hoodie he’d borrowed from Logan, and his fists clenched inside the pockets as he saw his dad emerge -- he looked kind of thinner, with dark circles under his eyes, but not quite as bad as he’d been while Amelia was gone. That was good.
His throat was suddenly very full and locked up, so Jasper didn’t get any words out as Gavin crossed the space between them. Jasper only got a glimpse of his face twisting before the breath was being squeezed out of him. It felt good, like sleeping with Logan had felt good. Familiar and solid and the touching he’d needed so much of for so long. Relieved that it wasn’t instant rejection, Jasper hugged Gavin back, his arms locking around his dad’s ribs. He tucked his hot face into Gavin’s thick neck and held his breath to hold back the sobs that were threatening to burst out of him. Gavin smelled good, normal and safe, and Jasper was vaguely reminded of how he’d crawled into bed with his dad after seeing the Black Eyed Kids. This was kind of like that night on steroids.
"You're alive," Gavin whispered thickly and he half expected Jules to come in with a smile because how else would Jasper have gotten back? He didn't let go for a long time and when he wasn't squeezing Jasper he was patting him, his head and his back as if still making sure he was really there. When he finally pulled back he tugged Jasper's hood down and ran his hand over his shaved head with a little huff that might have been a laugh if he wasn't too damn choked up and half-crying. He heard Miles tut at someone behind them to stop staring but Gavin couldn't care less if they stared, if everyone saw him crying. None of them knew how big this was, he hadn't reported Jasper missing or anything but he knew the truth and nothing else mattered. "Look at you," he whispered, then let out another shaky little laugh of sorts and hugged Jasper again. He had a million questions, especially since Jules hadn't made her appearance yet to confirm his suspicion, but those could wait.
Everyone else in the bar had ceased to exist to Jasper, he didn’t even really hear what Miles said. His own eyes were leaking and his nose was red as a crooked grin crossed his face when Gavin rubbed his head. It felt good like when Logan did it, only a different kind of good. Jasper hugged his father tight again, starting to feel overwhelmed by all the love he was feeling, coming from both inside and out. “Hi dad,” he finally managed to say, the words shaky and a little cracked. “I’m alive. I’m back.” He had his own huge list of questions, mostly about what had been happening while he was gone, how much they knew about any of it, but talking was difficult at the moment. There would be time for that. Jasper patted the back of Gavin’s shoulder and gave him an extra squeeze. “Let’s go in your office, yeah?” he murmured.
Gavin didn't really want to let go of him but he did, though he kept one hand on his arm for a few seconds longer just in case he up and vanished if he didn't. "Yeah," he muttered and tugged Jasper's hood back up over his head with a little grin that was entirely too full of emotion for him to deal with. At least Joseph wasn't there to start snarking about them being pansy crybabies, he was pretty sure he would have decked the old man himself if he was and that made him feel a little guilty. Maybe Joseph would return too and that thought wasn't a happy one. He patted Jasper's back as they walked to the bar.
Miles was grinning ear to ear when they approached and as they passed him he patted Jasper's arm too. "Welcome home," he said chipperly, bouncing on his heels a little and nodding at Gavin. He might not know the extent of the horrors Jasper had been through, but he knew his family had been suffering without him.
It went without saying that Miles was going to be running the bar today and Gavin gave him a little nod of thanks before he and Jasper headed to the back. He cleared the small couch of pillows and blankets and sat down, pulling Jasper with him and squeezing his shoulder. "How... Are you okay now?" he asked, unsure where even to start with the questions. "Did Jules get you back?"
Jasper briefly considered asking Gavin if he could have a beer, but he refrained. He gave Miles a thank you and a faint smile and followed his dad out of the bar proper and into the back. All of it was familiar to him, but he still felt like he hadn’t been there in years as opposed to months. Glancing around the modest office, Jasper sat down on the well-worn couch with Gavin, flipping his hood back again and getting comfortable. There were still some nerves inside of him, since he didn’t know how this conversation would really go. Well, he hoped. He was so weary, he just wanted to be back for real and for everything to be good while he did his best to get back to living his life. “No, uh ... I don’t know how I’m back,” he said, giving Gavin a sheepish sort of smile. “I just ... woke up here, yesterday. I ended up in Logan’s living room, it was fuckin’ weird. And I didn’t remember anything at first, not who I was or nothin’. It’s back now, though.” He didn’t know how okay he was, so he skipped answering that one. “I’ve only seen Logan and now you so far.”
"Oh," Gavin said quietly as the implications of that became clearer. It'd be awkward for Jasper to see Jules, probably Amelia too though his sister would put him at ease in no time, Gavin was sure of that. "Well, that'll be hard," he said, brows drawn together in concern. "Everyone misses you though, Jules has been... Well I met her a few times. You should give her a call. Or I could tell her if you want. And Amelia... She's gonna be so happy to see you." At least he could promise him that though that brought a whole slew of other things they probably should talk about and it all just seemed like too much to dump on Jasper when he had just gotten back. He reached up again to rub his shaved head. "Haven't seen you like this in years."
One of Jasper’s brows lifted when Gavin said he’d seen Jules a few times. Maybe that made sense though. Jasper huffed another soft laugh at the head rub and batted lightly at Gavin’s arm. He rubbed his own stubble a couple of times, as if to put it back into place when it was really too short to get mussed up. “It was all tangled and had gross shit in it, I just wanted to get rid of it,” he muttered. Thinking of Amelia gave him an extra pang in the middle of his chest. “I don’t have a phone or anything, so you’re gonna have to help me get in touch with her. I don’t even remember her number. But uh ... is Amelia okay? I mean really.” Jasper’s smile faded away as concern took over. Amelia had not been okay when he’d left, and the guilt from that had eaten at him almost more than outright murdering his grandfather.
Gavin smiled, his eyes burning a little when he watched Jasper 'adjust' his hair. It was adorable and it made him want to muss it up some more though that was entirely impossible. The question was hard to hear though, especially since it sounded like Jasper was aware of Amelia's situation when he went missing. "She's okay now," he said with a nod. "She was furious after you went away, didn't take it well at all." He winced as he thought of the fit she'd taken and maybe now was not the best time to get into the damages she'd done. "But she's uh... She's working for the cops." He huffed softly at that because it was kinda funny, a Lucas working with law enforcement. "She'll be so happy to see you." He felt like he had to repeat that, let Jasper know it was true, that no matter what he was welcome home again. He hadn't been himself but he seemed like he was now. Of course Gavin had no way of knowing but they'd find a different way this time if things turned sour - he was not losing him again. "What happened - it wasn't your fault," he said quietly. "And it wasn't Jules's fault either, you don't blame her for this, do you?"
It worried Jasper a little to hear that Amelia was furious, assuming that ire had been directed at him. He’d been the one nearly killing her, after all. He was glad to hear she had recovered, but he felt like he would have to see for himself how happy she would actually be that he was back. Jasper was sure that Gavin had needed consoling while he was gone, and that Amelia would say anything to take care of him. A small smile quirked his lips at her new occupation, but that just put more unsettled nerves in his stomach. What had happened to Joseph’s body? Had there been an investigation, a funeral? It seemed like too much to hope that Caden had covered it all up, especially with the shape Jasper had left him in ... but Gavin wasn’t bringing it up. But was that what he meant when he said it wasn’t Jasper’s fault? His gaze drifted away, and he shook his head. “I don’t blame her for anything,” he murmured. He didn’t. He had, for a while over there, but the guilt and grief had put blame squarely on his own shoulders. He may have been influenced by something, but he felt like he’d been totally aware of what he was doing and actively making decisions. It made him feel really fucked up. “What about grandma and grandpa?” he asked then, his tone carefully neutral.
"Your grandma's doing okay," Gavin replied. "And Joseph- well... You didn't see him? He was affected too." He didn't sound surprised, didn't feel it either, he wasn't even sure where Jasper had gone or what it had been like but he was sure it wasn't like a small room the people involved had all been stuck in for months so no doubt they'd been scattered around. Gavin hoped he'd died over there, things had been relatively peaceful without him and Bridget seemed a little happier now that the biggest shock had worn off. "Oh hey, Aaron's gonna be a dad," he added with a crooked little smile. Maybe that was good news, it still made his own gut twist uncomfortably but that was guilt Jasper didn't share with him.
A weird chill ran down Jasper’s spine at Gavin’s answer. So he didn’t know. Caden hid it from him somehow, and Jasper wasn’t sure how to feel about that. For a scary second he felt on the verge of confessing, just blurting everything out, but the impulse passed quickly. He’d just gotten back, his dad was looking at him with such love and relief, Jasper couldn’t fuck that up. It just meant he had to talk to Caden alone as soon as possible. “I didn’t see him,” he murmured and shook his head a little. It wasn’t exactly a lie. Maybe he could just claim ignorance and everyone would assume Joseph had died by fog monster over there and it would all just go away. Except within him, but Jasper would deal with that later. He tried to push it aside and smiled slightly back. “Oh yeah? That’s awesome. With Mila, right?”
"Yeah," Gavin muttered. "Never seen him with one girl this long. And Kat's in town, maybe not for good but for a while." He drew a deep breath, reaching out for Jasper again to give the back of his neck a little squeeze. It was hard to not touch him and he barely believed he was actually back, like this was just another dream he'd get to wake up from and feel sad all over again. "We uh, we're selling the house. You probably saw. We're living with Charlie now." He said that carefully, as if it might upset Jasper but really it just upset Gavin to think he didn't have a home to open to his son anymore. He hadn't believed Jasper was dead but that didn't mean he'd expected to see him again. "We'll take care of you though, you're welcome there just like home."
Jasper was all right with all the touching -- it was something he’d always taken comfort in, even if he hadn’t gotten much of it from his dad in years. He made a faintly curious sound at the news that his aunt Kat was back in town -- he hadn’t really thought that would ever happen, she just seemed to have a life somewhere else. “Yeah we went there first, I saw the sign,” he said slowly as he came to the same realization. Charlie probably didn’t have an open bedroom for him, not with Amelia living there too. He would sleep on a couch for a while to be near his family, but long-term, Jasper had no idea where he would go. Back to couch surfing, he supposed. “How, uh ... how’s that going? You and Charlie.”
"Good," Gavin said with a little smile. "She's a stubborn one." He'd almost let her go too many times, not because he wanted to but because he was a fuck-up at best and it seemed logical to push her away when he was in pain. Jasper didn't need to know any of that so Gavin let the brief comment speak for itself. "You can share a room with Amelia for a little while and then... You always wanted a place of your own, I can help you with that." Maybe that had changed and Gavin's chest tightened at the thought of kicking Jasper out if he wasn't ready. After everything he'd been through. They'd buy a bigger house if they had to, he wouldn't take no for an answer from any of them.
Any woman had to be stubborn to stay with a Lucas, Jasper was pretty sure, so that comment made him smile back a little. It was good news. As weird as it had been at first to have his dad dating one of his teachers, now he was glad that Gavin had had somebody around he could lean on while Jasper was gone. He knew his dad probably tried to protect Amelia from how he felt as much as possible, and he hoped Charlie had been able to comfort him some. Jasper nodded a little at the offer; the future still seemed like some vague abstract idea. “We’ll figure it out,” he murmured. It wasn’t a dismissal, just a sign he wasn’t capable of making those decisions yet. “You said you talked to Jules a few times?” he asked, a bit of hesitance in his tone. “How is she?”
Gavin thought of Jules's new friend and hoped that really was all that Ethan was to her. "She's good," he told him since he didn't think Jasper would be happy to hear that his girlfriend had been a wreck after he went away. "She's strong. She came to a family barbeque actually," he added and of course he also thought about her abortion but that wasn't his to tell, Jasper might never know about it and maybe that was best. "We talked a few times after- I think she was the only one aside from your sister who really understood what uh, what it was like." There were too many secrets and too much sorrow there and his eyes watered up a little as he thought of it all. "We missed you so much, Jasper."
Jules was strong, and it was weirdly good to hear that they’d all managed to have a family barbecue and Jules had come along. He definitely wouldn’t have expected her to ever get close to his dad, but it made sense to him even before Gavin explained it. He was sure that Jules hadn’t been good the entire time, he felt like he knew her better than that, but he did want her to be okay. Watching tears well up in Gavin’s eyes made the lump already in his throat feel even bigger. “C’mon,” he murmured a little hoarsely, nudging his dad’s shoulder with a small shaky smile. “Don’t start, you’ll make me start.” He couldn’t even begin to describe how much he’d missed them, missed everything about his life and this very reality. It was too painful to talk about yet, so Jasper sat up some and scooted over to hug Gavin again.
Gavin let out a shaky little laugh at that and squeezed Jasper when he hugged him, gripping his sweater tightly with one fist. "I think we're both fucking entitled to it," he muttered and he wondered if he'd ever know what Jasper had been through. The important part was that he seemed okay now, though Gavin was well aware that burying and hiding emotions was a strong trait in their family. He felt a little more relaxed about it now that there was no chance Joseph would see them and make his usual awful comments and his heart hurt a little at the thought that he hoped his father would not return. "Let me look at you," he muttered as he pulled back, clutching Jasper's face and patting his head. "Are you hungry? Want a drink? Need anything at all?"
Jasper let him do it, an unsteady smile crossing his face. They probably were entitled to a good long cry, but he kind of felt like he was cried out already, his eyes still feeling sandpapery from the night before when all of his memories invaded again. Hugging and being petted by his dad felt pretty heavenly though, so he wasn’t going to interrupt that. “A beer would be great,” he answered, the corner of his mouth lifting in a half-grin. He kind of thought Gavin would let him have it, too. He usually wasn’t allowed to drink at the bar because of laws and shit, but this was kind of a special occasion. “Not hungry though, Logan made sure I ate. I was in kinda bad shape when I woke up here. We didn’t eat over there.”
For a second Gavin was confused by that because Logan had made sure Jasper ate so how had they not eaten? Then it slowly dawned on him and he stared at Jasper, brows tightly knit. "Not at all?" he asked. "You were gone for months." He was again struck with the curiosity about the other place, what it had been like, how Jasper had survived so long. He hadn't really wanted to know though he had his suspicions based on what little Jules had told him. It sounded like some kind of a purgatory, or maybe even hell, and not eating at all only supported that idea. He shook his head, his question mostly hypothetical since he didn't think Jasper was lying. "You want tap or bottle?" he asked with a faint smile, although reluctant to leave Jasper alone, as if he might disappear if he let him out of his sight.
“Yeah it was crazy, like ... I just never got hungry or thirsty. Which was good ‘cause there was fuck-all to eat or drink there, all the water looked like ... poison sludge.” Jasper made a face, thinking only briefly about how terrifying it had been to stand at the edge of the beach and look out at that alien ocean. It had made him glad for the fog -- what he’d been able to see in front of him had been scary enough. A little shiver ran down his spine and he shook his head. He’d gorged himself on water at Logan’s, and he would never have to go back to that hellish nightmare, so he tried to just put it out of his mind. “Bottle’s fine.”
"Don't... go anywhere," Gavin said and he hated how scared he suddenly sounded but that fear that Jasper would disappear again was all too real, so real he almost dragged Jasper out there with him just to keep him within reach. He frowned softly and turned to leave the office, making quick work of grabbing a couple of beers from the bar, his relief more than tangible when he came back and Jasper was still seated on the couch. He opened the bottles for the both of them before he sat down, offering one to Jasper and clanking the bottles together for luck. They definitely needed all the luck they could get living in this cursed town - in this cursed family.
Jasper huffed a little at the request, but he knew where it came from. For an uncomfortable second while Gavin was gone, he expected the color to drain out of the room, black fungus to bloom all over the wall, and the couch to rot underneath him. It spiked his heart rate, but Gavin was back in no time and Jasper got his own rush of relief. He took the beer and toasted with Gavin before he took a drink. It went down smooth with that sour tang he liked so much, and Jasper felt emotional all over again. Fuck, this was just going to continue to be a rollercoaster, wasn’t it? He’d only just started reuniting with the people he cared about. After letting them drink in silence for a moment, he looked over with a soft smirk. “So what happened to my car?”
As far as questions went, that was an easy one and Gavin returned his smirk with a little smile of his own. "Amelia's been using it for work, she's been taking good care of it," he told him. "Jules brought it back after... We didn't tell the police you were missing since we knew." He cleared his throat and his smile got a little more awkward. "We'll need to buy you a new TV though, yours is uh, broken. But don't worry, we'll take care of everything." He knew Jasper was far more emotionally invested in his car than he ever was that crappy old television set so that wasn't really a worry and yet he felt like he ought to know. "Do you want me to text Jules? Or I can just give you her number - though she might not pick up if she doesn't recognize the number calling." They were inundated with salespeople and scams so he couldn't blame people who simply didn't pick up for anyone who wasn't in their contacts.
He wasn’t sure why he’d worried that Gavin might have gotten rid of his car, and it made him really happy to know that Amelia had been using it and taking care of it. It would’ve been a lot more sad if they’d just kept it in a garage or covered up somewhere. Jasper did want it back though. He had a feeling that having his freedom was going to be really important to him as he settled back in. “Do I even wanna know?” he murmured in regard to the TV, arching a brow. But the question about Jules was much more important, so he didn’t ask for more details there. He had a feeling it had to do with how Amelia had taken his disappearance. “Can I just ... call her from your phone?” he asked. It sounded like she would pick up if she thought it was Gavin. It was either that or show up at her house, and Jasper didn’t want to risk running into her mother first. “We can wait for a little bit, though. I’ve been ... I dunno, kinda wanting to take it slow.”
Gavin had been about to reach for his phone but stopped, nodding in understanding. If Jasper wanted to wait, that was entirely his right. Gavin hoped he wouldn't wait too long but then, what if Jules and her friend had moved on to something bigger? That kind of heartache could wait. "How about we get you a new phone and I give you her number," he said. "If she doesn't pick up you can text her or use my phone." He kind of wanted to go out and take care of everything - right now - but he quelled that urgency within him, understanding that Jasper didn't need that kind of rush. He would take it at Jasper's pace. He would tell him about the TV later, if he still wanted to know, they had about a hundred other things to think about before that. Hell, he might even say it got damaged in the move. Amelia had broken it in a fit of rage but did Jasper really need to know that? Gavin thought not.
“I mean, I do want to call her today,” Jasper clarified. He’d already made Logan wait overnight to tell anyone anything, he didn’t think it was fair to hide out from Jules for long. His best friend could crack any minutes, he’d said that they’d gotten kind of close while Jasper was gone. And now Gavin knew too. “Just ... maybe tonight. After I see my sister. Family first.” He just wasn’t in a huge hurry to leave this office. Jasper was going to have to get used to being around people again, and he wanted to hold onto this quiet moment with his dad for a while. Before the excitement and tears rollercoaster started all over again with Amelia. “Not to like, turn down a phone or anything,” he added with a crooked smile. “I need one. I just ... I dunno, it’s a lot.” Jasper looked down at his hands, picking at the label on the beer bottle with his thumbnail. “How, uh .. how did you find out? Did Jules come to you? Did she tell you everything?”
Gavin confirmed that with a hum before he cleared his throat, buying time to think about just how much to tell Jasper. He didn't really want to tell him that Jules had told him before it happened, that he'd essentially given her his blessing to send Jasper away. Of course he didn't know that would happen, he'd more expected the town to be cast into fog again and it had been worth the risk. Telling Jasper this meant he had to justify it somehow, telling him he'd had to take Amelia to the hospital. Neither of them needed the guilt trip so he decided it was better to keep it vague for now. "I didn't know a lot of the details," he said quietly. "Just enough. I knew you were alive though, I could feel it in my gut." He smiled at Jasper, amazed that he was getting to see him after all that because alive or not, he hadn't expected to lay eyes on him again. "And a phone is nothing. I'm selling a house, let me know what you need," he added with a dismissive wave. "I want to be able to reach you so it'd be a ... a selfish gift too."
Jasper had gotten used to not having a phone in his hand around the clock, so he wasn’t missing it in the way most teens might. He’d been so disconnected from everyone, it felt strange to think he would be reachable again, all the time. It was just a modern necessity, and he got the feeling there were several people in his life who would want to keep closer tabs on him these days. Gavin’s answer was very vague on what he did know, and Jasper wasn’t sure he ought to launch into too many details. It had been horrible, all of it, and there was nothing that could change it now, so why talk about it? But maybe he could alleviate some of the guilt he felt from killing Joseph by diverting it somewhere else. He nodded slightly about the phone, his thoughts obviously elsewhere as he picked at the label. “Did she tell you I tried to kill her on my way out?” he asked, his gaze still on his bottle. “I tried to drag her in there with us, which ... almost the same.”
"Jasper," Gavin said quietly, reaching up again to cup the back of his neck. "That wasn't you, we all know it wasn't you. Jules knew that wasn't you. People died those last days. The hospital was overrun, people got violent or they just slept. Or died. Some people just died." He pulled Jasper closer, thudding their heads together lightly. "We're alive, Jasper. Nobody blames you for what happened, it was that damn fog, those damn monsters... Even if it had been your fault I'd say you've more than paid for it, right?"
He tried to take those comforting words and apply them to gnawing guilt in his stomach over his grandfather. Would Gavin be saying the same thing if he knew what Jasper had done? Even before all the chaos around the portal? Had he paid enough for that? People went to prison for decades for murder, not months. Not that where he’d been was really comparable to prison, but still. Leaning into his dad and closing his eyes briefly, Jasper nodded a little as he took a couple of deep breaths to steady himself. He didn’t need to blurt out anything stupid, he needed to talk to his uncle and go from there. After a moment, Jasper wrapped an arm around Gavin and held on tight.
Gavin was okay with the quiet as he hugged him back and let moments slip by doing just that, rubbing Jasper's back soothingly. "Do you want to go see your sister soon?" he asked after a while and while he understood Jasper was probably nervous about it, Gavin knew he had no reason to be. Amelia would be happy to see him and he felt that she deserved to get that weight off like he just had. So did Jules but he knew that was trickier. He almost wanted to be there for it, like he could shield the both of them somehow from most of the pain but he knew that wasn't the case.
It was good to just be held, and for a moment or two Jasper felt like he could doze off, his face tucked against his dad’s shoulder, nose full of the scent of his detergent and deodorant. Unlike most of the other ‘good’ smells he’d been subjected to since he’d come back, it was comforting instead of overwhelming. He almost said he wasn’t ready yet, but he knew that wasn’t fair. He wanted to see Amelia, all of this emotion was just making him so tired. Still, Jasper sat up straight and nodded. He smiled faintly and rubbed his hand over his hair. “Yeah, let’s go ... you think she’ll freak out about the hair?” he murmured.
"Actually," Gavin muttered, tilting in his seat to pull his phone from his pocket to check the time. "She might still be at work. Hang on." He texted Amelia's phone real quick, sipping his beer as he waited to see if she answered or not. "She's just leaving," he told Jasper and typed in another message. "I'm asking her to come here," he added and he believed that would be easier. Jasper didn't know Charlie well and he seemed a little overwhelmed with just meeting people he was close to so it seemed prudent to give him some space to do so. "Should I tell her you're here? She might crash your car." He didn't really think she would, Amelia had proved capable of driving under pressure too often for comfort so it was more of a lighthearted joke to try to make Jasper more at ease.
Charlie wasn’t at the top of Jasper's mind, it had barely sunk in that Gavin and Amelia lived with her now. He would be grateful for the consideration later though, because he definitely wanted to just keep it to his immediate family right now. He didn’t even know if Ms. Harris believed in shit like what he’d been through. The comment made him snort a bit and he shook his head. “Nah, don’t tell her yet. If she’s on the way, let’s just surprise her.” He hoped that wasn’t a terrible idea, but he definitely didn’t want Amelia speeding recklessly over. He drank down the last of his beer and stood up to toss the bottle in the trash, unable to help but notice that it wasn’t the only bottle in there. It looked like Gavin’s coping mechanisms hadn’t changed much.
Gavin's coping mechanisms hadn't changed one bit, though he had cut back a tiny bit in the last few weeks. He was trying to be a better man for the ladies in his life and it wasn't easy when he still felt that self destructive pull inside him. He just hoped having Jasper back would help him stay on that track, maybe he could move on from all the pain now, bury the guilt and grief somewhere deep down. "You want another?" he asked casually, still nursing his own and trying not to down it too fast. Giving his boy alcohol just seemed right, he wasn't old enough but Gavin didn't care, he'd been through more than most and Gavin knew he'd started drinking years ago. Beer was not the worst thing he could put in his body.
The beer had settled into Jasper’s stomach and given him just the tiniest buzz. He thought another would put him in a pretty good place. Which was funny, because it used to take four or five to do the trick. He wondered if his tolerance to weed would end up being the same once he got some. He really wanted to be stoned out of his mind, but that could come later. Alcohol was much easier to get a hold of, especially considering where they were. “Yeah,” he answered with a soft smirk. “Just one though.” He wasn’t sure yet how strict Charlie would try to be with him -- or already was with Gavin -- but he was willing to bet there would be beer in the fridge whenever he got “home.” Jasper just wanted to talk to Amelia and Jules both without being drunk.
Gavin didn't feel quite as anxious about darting to the front to get another beer this time but he still felt a little apprehensive about leaving Jasper alone and that feeling probably wouldn't fade for a while. He was, of course, still there when he returned with a couple of beers, one for himself since he didn't want to go up front later and leave Jasper by himself again. It was childish probably, but Gavin didn't care. It was rational to be scared of monsters and abrupt disappearances when both things had proved to be real.
Amelia showed up a few minutes later, the upside to living in a small town was that they didn't need to wait for her too long. Gavin could hear her come in and then she appeared in the doorway giving him a mildly perturbed look. "So what's the big-" she started, glancing at Jasper and then looking at Jasper, her expression fading and her eyes going slowly wider. Jasper wasn't ten years older but he looked so different that it took her a second to verify it with herself that this was her brother. She dropped her backpack at the door and all but fell into the room to fling herself at him and hug him.
Jasper was upright leaning against the desk, anticipating that Amelia would be showing up soon. He wanted to be ready to hug her. Jasper had smiled a little in the time she’d spent staring at him, and he just managed to hold his beer out to the side when Amelia pounced on him. He ended up glad he had a desk under his ass, otherwise she probably would have bowled him over. Bottle still in hand, he wrapped both arms around her slim frame, giving her a tight squeeze. “Hey squirt,” he murmured, emotion crowding his throat all over again. He glanced at Gavin over his sister’s shoulder and smiled a little. This was definitely better than the cold and angry greeting he’d worried about.
Gavin made himself useful and got up, taking the beer from Jasper's hand with a little chuckle. This was about the reaction he'd been expecting, or at least hoping for. Amelia had been so emotionally closed off after losing Jasper, acting so grownup and his only worry was that she'd be scared of Jasper now. That fear was unfounded because she just wasn't letting go of Jasper.
Amelia couldn't speak, she knew as soon as she tried to say something all that pressure building up inside her head would break free and she'd cry and snot all over Jasper. So she clung to him for as long as she could hold her breath, her face scrunching up with the effort. She couldn't hold it forever of course and when the dam burst it was with a choked out, "oh my God."
It was probably stupid of him, but Jasper hadn’t really expected her to start crying that hard. It made his eyes and nose burn even more, and he held her tighter, his thumbs rubbing against her back. He remembered how emotional and weird it had been when she’d come home after being gone, and Jasper was kind of selfishly glad they weren’t dealing with him being a completely different age on top of everything else. He might have cut all his hair off, but he was still essentially himself. Just an exhausted, kicked-around version of himself. He didn’t try to say anything, just held onto his sister while she let out all that tension. He definitely understood what that felt like.
When Amelia finally pulled back - and that took a while - her chin was still wobbly and her eyes were already puffy. Thank god she wasn't trying to impress anyone and she felt ever so grateful she hadn't gotten into the habit of wearing makeup on a daily basis or her face would absolutely be a wreck now. She still clung to Jasper, looking him over with a smile pained with the urge to keep crying. "I thought you were dead," she finally blurted out, sniffling as she reached up to touch his shaved head. That part was weird and it made her a little sad that his long, beautiful hair was gone but she couldn't really care because he was here, he was alive. It was different when she was gone, she'd so easily pictured her family grieving for her and then moving on. She'd always pictured Jasper getting a job, maybe a family, maybe she'd have little nephews and nieces by the time she came back. She'd never mourned her family, she had just mourned the life she'd lost.
She looked plenty beautiful to Jasper, puffy and red-nosed or not. He had to grin a little -- everybody wanted to rub his head, apparently. Maybe he should’ve shaved it sooner. He’d always liked his long hair, but now he wasn’t sure he could have it long without thinking about what it had felt like for it to be full of grease and dirt and black goop and whatever else had made it feel contaminated. “I thought I would be too, eventually,” he told her, reaching up to thumb some tears off of her cheeks. “But I made it. Just like you did.” Jasper smiled at her fondly. He’d thought about her a lot over there, reminding himself about his little sister who’d been so fucking brave and resilient. If nine year old Amelia could survive a different world, so could he, right? It hadn’t always been comforting, but it was something Jasper had clung to. “I missed you so much.”
"I missed you too," Amelia whispered and hugged him again though she was at least getting her crying under control slowly but surely. She hadn't cried much when he went missing, all her emotions bubbling up as rage instead, but it was easier to keep up a hard front against all the bad things, this intense happiness she was feeling had knocked her walls down in spectacular fashion. "Can we just agree that we've had our share of bullshit already?" she mumbled against his shoulder. "No more, okay? Just stay here and be safe."
Jasper embraced her again, turning his face in close to her hair to smell it. It was comforting, and made him feel more oriented somehow, just like it had with Gavin. He was home, this was his family. “Totally agree, no more bullshit,” he murmured with a faint chuckle. They of course had no control over that, but it felt good to say it like it was a choice. Jasper lifted his head a little and looked at Gavin, then let go of Amelia with one arm to motion him in too. This deserved to be a group hug.
Gavin had done his best to let his kids have this moment and Jasper's offer put a lump in his throat again. He put aside the beer bottles and moved to hug them both with a melancholic little smile. He hadn't often felt 'rich' in the way parents did when they were growing up but he felt it now, blessed even and indescribably grateful that they were both alive and back from their ordeals.
Amelia laughed a little when Gavin joined in and squeezed Jasper harder. She knew that they had no say in what might happen next but it still soothed her to hear Jasper agree. They were done for now, she could almost believe it.