mila (listentoteeth) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2020-08-27 11:33:00 |
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Entry tags: | #april 2018, mila, mila x roxy, roxy |
Who: Mila and Roxy
When: Early evening, Mid--April
Where: The shops along Main Street
Status: Complete
With spring approaching, Mila had found herself busier than usual at work. She had known in a vague sort of way that the D’Onofrios were generally sponsoring, or in charge of most of the events that happened in Point Pleasant, but it was completely different to see it in action. It was only March and they were already prepping for the carnival and fair that would be coming to town this summer. Mila’s job was pretty easy compared to everyone else’s, but she also got stuck with a lot of the tedious work. And there was a lot of it.
So between that, and still unpacking and making her new house with Aaron a home, Mila hadn’t had much time to spend with Roxy. She missed her best friend and had some news to share so she made it a point to ask her friend to go shopping and maybe catch dinner after work. Since Roxy wasn’t scheduled at the bar, they made plans to meet up at the marina. The weather still had a bit of a bite to it, but it was getting warmer and Mila had missed walking down Main Street and popping into all of the shops. Having a bigger place meant she was keeping an eye out for anything that might look nice in the house. Now that she actually had a decent paycheck coming in, shopping was fun instead of wistfully looking at price tags.
She drove to Main Street after work and walked toward Belladonna where they agreed to meet. She spotted Roxy immediately and smiled before embracing her friend. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” she murmured. There was always so much bullshit going on and she wanted to make sure Roxy was doing okay more than anything else.
Roxy wasn’t terribly sure how she was doing, if she was being honest. It was March now, almost two months since Jasper had disappeared and Joseph had ... well, also “disappeared.” Roxy knew the truth of what had happened to the old man, and while she didn’t mourn him for a single second, she knew it weighed heavy on Caden. He’d witnessed his father being brutally murdered by his nephew, and been helpless to stop it. Roxy was sure Aaron had been deeply affected too by having to clean up after it all, but he hadn’t been a witness to it. In typical Caden fashion he didn’t want to talk about any of it and he claimed to be fine, but there was a dark psychic weight in the house that wasn’t going away. Roxy could feel it, could see it in Caden’s subdued reactions to things, his absentmindedness, the dark circles under his eyes, all the drinking he was doing. It worried her and hurt her that she couldn’t help him.
Hearing from Mila was always welcome, and the invitation to go shopping -- something so normal and pleasant -- had been a delightful surprise. Roxy had done her hair and makeup and put on something that was honestly too cute for the shops on the marina, but she hadn’t felt the urge to do any of that lately, so it was nice to look good. She arrived at Belladonna ahead of Mila, but didn’t have to wait long before her bestie showed up. God, she looked good, and it made Roxy’s heart a little lighter to see. Mila deserved that and more.
Roxy hugged her tight, one hand rubbing her back a bit. She smiled as she pulled back. “It’s been a while, yeah,” she said. “How are you, sweetheart? You look great.”
"I'm good," Mila said, and for once, she meant it. The nightmares still plagued her sleep but Mila was slowly starting to accept that they probably always would. But she had a good job now, and Aaron. They had a place of their own. She continued to wait for Adrian, but it was hard to deny that things weren't going well for once. There was obviously the matter of Aaron's dad and what had happened there and it made her want to hug Roxy again, because she knew how difficult things were with Caden on a normal day, let alone in the past few months with Joseph dying and Jasper disappearing.
Slipping her arm through Roxy's, Mila hugged tight. "How are you doing? How are things at home?"
They were still standing outside, but it was a sunny day so it wasn’t too chilly, and Roxy preferred to answer that question where there were fewer ears around, so she didn’t move toward Belladonna’s door. The sidewalk was fairly deserted, but there was a clerk inside the store. Roxy hugged Mila’s arm in return and made a pained sort of face. “I’m okay, just pretty tired, I guess. Home is not so good right now. Caden’s just ... a mess. In a different way than usual,” she added. Her man was never a happy go lucky kind of guy, but Roxy didn’t want Mila to think the violence had escalated or anything. It was really the opposite -- she couldn’t even seem to make him mad anymore. That was even more worrying. “I think he’s depressed.”
Mila frowned, although it was certainly something she expected to hear. It seemed like the Lucas family could never catch a break. "Well, he witnessed something horrible," Mila murmured, careful to keep her voice low now. She tugged Roxy's arm. "Come on, let's walk a bit. We can hit up Belladonna on our way back." As they began to walk, Mila held onto Roxy's arm, just for the comfort. "Aaron hasn't really talked about it much. I would say we should tell Gavin to talk to Caden, but we can't. Is there anything else we can do? It's a horrible secret to keep, you know?" Mila didn't know Caden as well as Roxy did, obviously, but she knew enough about him to know he repressed stuff, just like Gavin. The whole damn family probably needed years and years of therapy just to function like normal people.
Walking was a good solution and Roxy didn’t hesitate to start strolling. She’d done herself up a little, but she’d still put on sensible shoes. The questions that Mila asked her were ones she’d tortured herself with for weeks now -- mainly what could she do to help him? Roxy knew that Caden would never seek out help from a professional, so that was off the table. He couldn’t talk to his older brother about it, and she doubted trying to prod him to talk to Aaron would help much. “I don’t know,” she answered with a sigh. “He won’t talk to me about anything, but I haven’t wanted to push him too hard, you know? I’ve just tried to tell him I’m here if he needs me. And I know he does, I just don’t know what he needs, and I bet he doesn’t either.” Roxy wasn’t surprised that Aaron hadn’t been processing it out loud either. That was just not something the Lucases knew how to do, it seemed.
Mila nodded, because she understood. Being pressured into talking about something traumatic could have devastating effects on the person and while Mila didn't really like Caden, she could at least understand that much. And she certainly didn't want Caden blowing up on Roxy and getting physical with her. "Maybe he and Aaron just need to get together, get drunk, and talk about it." She knew that wasn't likely to happen, but still. That seemed to be the Lucas way. Or just get drunk and fight and get it out of their systems that way. "I'm really sorry, though. I know that can't be easy on you either, mentally. I wish there was something I could do. It's hard when it's something that we can't... you know, talk about."
Roxy hadn’t really made the mental connection between Mila’s trauma and Caden’s, they came from such different experiences, but now she was remembering how little Mila wanted to talk about what had happened to her too. It was frustrating in the most loving way -- Roxy didn’t thing a single conversation would fix Caden’s depression or PTSD or whatever it was, but how could he heal if he couldn’t even start to work through it? Roxy wasn’t usually a big believer in therapy, but she wished there was someone with experience in this kind of shit who could help him. “They’d probably get drunk and fight about it,” Roxy murmured, echoing Mila’s thoughts. “But maybe even that would help. He won’t even -- I’ve tried to make him mad a couple of times, just about normal shit, but there’s this flatness that’s scarier than his temper, if that makes sense. The devil you know, I guess. Thanks though, I wish there was something I could do too.” She sighed again, then glanced over at her friend’s profile. “Speaking of trauma though ... how are you feeling lately? For real.”
Mila's lips twitched briefly when Roxy seemed to read her mind about how the Lucas men handled their emotions. Anger, drinking, or repression. Super healthy. Although Mila couldn't exactly say she blamed them, at least not when it came to the repression. She wanted to talk to Aaron about it but all she could do at this point was make sure he knew he could talk to her. Or cry, or just... let her hold him. Whatever he needed. Mila was sure that eventually all of this would boil over and it would be terrible and messy for everyone. Squeezing Roxy's arm gently, Mila gave her friend a small smile. "I'm doing better. I haven't had any... episodes in a while. I hate calling them that. But I mean, I haven't had any panic attacks or anything in a couple of weeks. Things are starting to feel a bit more grounded in my head. With work, and then moving and everything, I think having something to distract me has helped." She slowed down and gestured to Veronica's. "Do you want to take a look? I heard there's a good sale going on and I could use some new clothes for work."
It was good to hear that Mila was improving -- at least someone in their family was. Even though neither of them were married to brothers yet, Roxy counted Mila as family, and hoped she felt the same. Hell, Roxy wasn’t sure now if she and Caden would ever get married at all. She might get old and die with only the diamond solitaire on her finger. Roxy tried to push those thoughts away and focus on her friend. “I’m so glad to hear that,” she told Mila, squeezing her arm back. Then she smiled and nodded as they reached the door to the shop. “I bet you love not having to wear a beer-stained apron anymore, huh?” she asked as she opened the door for them and stepped inside Veronica’s. Roxy likely wouldn’t buy anything for herself, though part of her was tempted to spend a few hundred and see if it would get any reaction out of Caden, but she knew that wasn’t the way to go about anything. She still liked to browse, and helping a friend shop was fun and distracting.
"I do," Mila admitted with a smile. "Although I will admit that I miss working with you, and Aaron. Even Miles. We had fun. Working for the D'Onofrio's is... I don't know. Even smiling when I'm there feels weird. Especially now, with Mrs. D'Onofrio missing. I'm just trying to do my job while keeping my head down a bit. At least when I was working with you we could gossip and play darts or something during downtime." She released Roxy's arm, drawn to a pretty, light green dress. It would look cute with a cardigan or something. The scars on her arms were pretty prominent and Mila was pretty sure she would be wearing long sleeved tops throughout the summer. Fingering the material, Mila glanced at Roxy, feeling jittery all of the sudden. She had been wanting to talk to her friend for weeks but had been too afraid of jinxing things. Now that everything seemed to be going okay, it was time. Still, she was pretty nervous. "I have some news though. I was going to tell you later, but I don't know if I can wait that long."
Roxy missed working with Mila too, so much. She worked fine with the Lucas brothers as long as she stayed out of Gavin’s way, she liked Miles, and the new girls they’d hired were okay ... but it wasn’t the same as working with her best friend. She completely understood why Mila had to get out of the Porch though, and didn’t blame her for a second. Maybe the D’Onofrios would need another secretary or something eventually. Roxy was looking at a dress on a nearby rack when Mila mentioned news, and she looked up with a questioning look. It didn’t sound like horrible news, but considering everything, Roxy still had a spike of worry inside. “What is it, babe?” she asked, stepping in closer again in case it had to be quiet news.
They were all so used to bad news lately that it didn't escape Mila that Roxy might automatically assume something was wrong. Hopefully this spark of good news would help alleviate some of the darkness the entire family was feeling lately. At least for Roxy. Mila already knew Caden and Gavin would probably be disappointed, or upset again. She wrung her hands together nervously, but smiled at Roxy. "So, I'm pregnant. We found out last month but just had our first appointment and everything is looking good. I wanted to tell you first, before anyone else."
Her brows lifted instantly and Roxy’s mouth opened slightly in surprise. She had been expecting bad news, and it was probably weird that it kind of felt like bad news in that first second. But then the smile on Mila’s face broke through and Roxy got that rush of gladness too. “Oh honey, oh my god,” she breathed, leaning in to give Mila a tight hug. “That’s great. I’m so happy for you!” Roxy meant it, even if part of her still felt bad. Everything had gone wrong after Mila had lost the first pregnancy, and while Roxy was glad everything was going well so far, it was worrisome. More than that though, there was a deep part of Roxy that was sure she wouldn’t ever get to deliver this kind of news, and this was Mila’s second time. She fiercely tried to dismiss that though, and hugged her friend tight before she pulled back. “How far along are you? How’s Aaron taking it?”
It was probably a bit odd to feel relief when Roxy hugged her, but she did. Mila knew how the other pregnancy had ended, and what it had led to, so she could understand people being apprehensive about this. But it would be different this time. It had to be. "I'm about eleven weeks now," Mila explained, smiling as she pulled back from the hug. "It was hard to keep it a secret, but we both wanted to wait until we saw the doctor." Because she couldn't help it, Mila reached into her bag and pulled out the ultrasound photo to show Roxy. The baby looked more like a bean than anything else at the moment, but it was the beginning of everything, in Mila's opinion, so of course she wanted to show Roxy. "Aaron's thrilled. I mean, we're both being cautious? But... I can tell he's happy. He keeps looking at my stomach, like he might be able to see it growing or something."
Roxy didn’t blame them at all for waiting, though she was sure she at least would’ve heard about it after the fact if Mila had another miscarriage. Smiling, she took the glossy picture and looked at the little white shape on it, nestled in right where it needed to be. Roxy obviously hadn’t been around for Jasper or Amelia’s births, so the prospect of getting to see her niece or nephew from the very beginning was kind of exciting. It was also kind of a cold stab in the heart -- how would Caden look at her stomach if she ended up pregnant some day? With contempt and regret? Or the joy and excitement she could just imagine on Aaron’s face? Roxy felt she knew the answer to that, and it sucked. “Beautiful already,” she said, handing the ultrasound back to Mila. “And perfect timing, new job, new house ... are you guys going to try and get married before or after, do you know yet?”
The timing definitely felt perfect, but Mila was trying not to let that fact sink in too deep. The fear that she may breakdown and question everything was lingering just beneath the surface of all the joy she was experiencing lately. She slipped the photo back into her bag and grimaced slightly at Roxy's question. "I honestly... don't know. We haven't talked about it much yet, probably because we didn't want to make any plans until we knew how things were going. I don't think I can go to my mom and tell her I'm pregnant if I don't have a wedding date to tack onto that. She would run screaming to church to light every candle for me. But I don't want Aaron to feel rushed into it either, you know?" Somehow she doubted Aaron would feel rushed or pressured. Mila was guessing if she mentioned going to Las Vegas to elope, he would probably be on board. "Maybe we'll figure it out. It would be fun planning our weddings together."
Roxy chuckled over the mental image of Mrs. Moretti frantically driving to the nearest Catholic church to feverishly pray for her daughter’s soul. As if Mila hadn’t already been to hell and come back; in Roxy’s opinion, any debt to God she might have had for the rest of her life was paid. Not that she got to make the rules. Mila and Aaron were happy and in love now, and that was all that mattered to Roxy. Her smile was warm at first, thinking about how Aaron would probably marry her tomorrow if they could pull it off, but that ‘together’ word took a bit of the lightness out of her expression. Roxy looked toward the nearby dresses again, reaching for one to idly run her fingers over the material. “It would be fun, but ... don’t delay anything on my account,” she said, trying to sound casual about it. “I don’t even know if we’ll ever get there.”
Mila realized Roxy was right. Knowing Caden, by the time he even settled on a date, Mila and Aaron would probably be celebrating their wedding anniversary. It was a sad fact, and an irritating one, but she and Roxy had had this conversation before, so many times. Mila wasn't sure there was anything left she could say that would change Roxy's mind about Aaron's brother. And now probably wasn't the time to get into it, with Caden going through his own shit. "You'll get there," Mila murmured, reaching out to touch Roxy's elbow gently. "But... I have some vacation time. Maybe this spring you and I can get out of Point Pleasant for a while. And not just for a shopping trip. I think we should go to Vegas or something for a long weekend. Just... say fuck it all and have some fun."
At this rate, Roxy wasn’t sure they would ever get married at all. Either something else horrible would happen, or Caden would get cold feet and back out on her. Then she would just be single with more wasted years and extra heartache, and all of the sudden it was just too much to think about. Mila’s idea of them going to Vegas made her smile, but it was wistful. Roxy lightly patted her hand. “It’s almost summer, babe,” she said, her tone gentle. “And you just got pregnant, so I doubt Vegas would be a lot of fun for you. We can find a lower-key getaway this summer maybe.” She did want to get away with Mila, have some girl time, but with a wedding and a baby to plan for, Roxy didn’t see that being easy to put together. She didn’t blame Mila though -- she deserved to move on with her life and get the family and happiness that she wanted. Roxy didn’t know what she deserved, but it probably wasn’t that. “Come on, do they have a maternity section here? We need to get you some cute stuff.” She snagged Mila’s hand to tug her along as she moved away from the dresses.
"I would have fun anywhere we went," Mila told her, but she supposed she understood that it was probably not the best time to jet off to Las Vegas. She just wanted to make sure to make time for Roxy and it would be nice to get away for a while before her pregnancy made it more difficult to do much of anything. "If not Sin City then we'll go south and lounge on the beach for a week. I think we both need a break, don't you?" She let Roxy take her hand and she squeezed it gently. "No pressure, obviously. I just want to make sure we can still have some fun." They walked towards the back where Mila knew there was a small section of maternity wear, although she imagined it would be a while before she actually needed any.
Roxy really wanted to get back to browsing in some section or another, because it was easier to stay distracted and keep her emotions at bay when she had something else to do with her hands. She didn’t begrudge Mila her happiness -- she more than deserved the life she wanted, husband and baby and house and good job and all that -- there was just a looping mantra of when’s my turn? running through her head. Unfair, but it was making her throat ache just the same. “Beach lounging sounds amazing,” she agreed, glancing over at Mila with another smile. Roxy started looking through the clothes on the rack. “I definitely need a break. Maybe we can go to Myrtle Beach or something, just a girls’ trip.” It might be the last one they got to have for several years.
Mila began to look through some of the clothes, though her attention was just focused on Roxy. A benefit to being friends for this long was that Mila could read the other woman pretty well. Especially after Roxy had started dating Caden, when she got better at disguising her emotions. And then Mila felt guilty. Roxy had been with Caden for over five years. They should have been married by now... maybe even had a baby. Aaron and Mila hadn't even been together a year, though she supposed their circumstances were a bit different. Still, she questioned whether or not she should have dropped this bomb on her friend right now. "I love you, you know that right?" Mila asked, fingering the sleeve of a cute sweater. It was getting too close to summer to buy it, but it might be cute in the fall, when her stomach was larger. "I just... want to share it with you, but I don't want to upset you either. That's the last thing I want."
It was easier to hide from people, and part of Roxy cringed inside when Mila spoke again. She’d always had a tough core inside of her -- she’d had to develop it to survive her family -- but as she’d gotten older, that core had grown outward and surrounded her, morphing into a shell. Roxy always had mixed feelings about people seeing through it, though there hadn’t been many through the years. Mila was one of them. Roxy didn’t like to be vulnerable, it hurt too much. “No honey, you didn’t upset me,” she murmured, giving Mila a pained sort of look. “I want you to share it with me too. And I’m so happy for you, I really am.” Roxy reached over to squeeze her arm gently. “That baby is gonna be loved to pieces, and you’re gonna be the best mom. It’s not your fault I just can’t ... figure my shit out, I guess. That’s all me.” She turned her eyes back to the clothes and swallowed the hard lump down again.
Mila didn't want to make Roxy uncomfortable, but it would be more awkward later if they didn't talk now. Aware that it was perhaps a bit selfish of her, Mila wanted her best friend to be there for her, but she didn't want to make things hard on Roxy either. "You're just confused," Mila said, returning her gaze back to the sweater as not to make Roxy feel like she was on the spot. "I think you've been confused for a long time. I wish I could help you with it. I really just want you to be happy." And Mila knew how Roxy could make that happen. She was just too dependent on Caden. Too scared to pull away and make a new life for herself. They'd had that conversation before and Mila didn't want to ruin the afternoon by bringing it all up again.
Confused. Roxy couldn’t really argue with that, even if it felt condescending when most people said it. She knew Mila meant it in the most compassionate way. It was probably interesting how that instinct to defend her relationship had faded over the past year or so -- for years she would’ve insisted that she was happy, as happy as a person could expect to be, and one couldn’t expect non-stop happiness anyway, right? But Roxy knew that was just a bullshit way to dodge what it all really meant. She didn’t say anything for a long moment, then gave a soft sigh. “I want to be happy too, but that’s ... easier to say than do. I don’t even really know how to be happy. I thought for a long time we could learn how and grow together, but ... I don’t know. We barely feel connected anymore, except by shitty secrets.” There were still moments, flashes of passion or love that welled up in her, but Roxy didn’t know what Caden felt on his end. Maybe she’d never known, just filled in a lot of blanks for herself. And it had to be mutual for it to last, she was seeing that now. She couldn’t love him enough to sustain the both of them.
Mila nodded, because she understood. She had been witness to Caden and Roxy's relationship long enough now to know that while something kept them together, it wasn't love. Not the kind of love Mila thought Roxy deserved anyway. Honestly, Mila felt like Caden Lucas was so damaged from his family that he didn't know how to love someone. The words were there on the tip of her tongue, but they felt inappropriate at the moment, like they would be designed to hurt Roxy and she didn't want to do that. She saw love in Aaron's eyes every day. Hell, she even thought Gavin was capable of it, considering who he was dating - Charlie Harris didn't seem like the type of woman to be with a man who was cold and emotionally unavailable. Then again, she didn't think Roxy was that kind of woman either. But Mila tended to think that Roxy was still clinging to the hope that Caden would change, when really, he was just placating her to keep her around. It was exasperating to watch. "Do you still want to marry him?" Mila asked. The question was probably an abrupt one, perhaps invasive and a little rude, but her words were soft because she knew Roxy would understand Mila's questions came from a good place.
That was an important question, but it wasn’t one Roxy felt like she had an answer to yet ... but wasn’t that an answer in itself? She sighed, the sound more pained than accusatory, and tucked some hair behind her ear that didn’t actually need to be re-tucked. “I do, in a way -- ugh, that sounds awful,” Roxy ended in a mutter. She touched her pinky finger underneath her eyes as they got a bit more moist. She would end up crying on the one day in a long time she’d put on makeup. “I think ... I think I want to marry the Caden I know he could be. Not the Caden he is. And that ... sucks.” Roxy swallowed hard and tried to keep herself under control. She didn’t deserve to cry on Mila’s shoulder about this, not after they’d had so many talks about how fucked up her relationship was and Roxy had defended him. She’d stubbornly stayed where she was unhappy for so long, it felt like that was where she deserved to be -- she’d made her own bed, all that. “I know I can’t change him. I just keep hoping he’ll want to do it on his own. But I know how stupid that is.”
Mila inhaled softly, wishing she hadn't brought it up. The last thing Mila had wanted to do was upset Roxy. But at the same time, what kind of friend would she be to bite her tongue and watch Roxy drift through the rest of her life so unhappy? She reached out to touch Roxy's arm. "Honey, if you love him enough to wait and see if he will change, then... I support you, okay? I just hate seeing you unhappy, especially when I know there's a guy out there who could be everything you want, and need and deserve. I know he's going through a lot right now, but you matter too. What you want matters."
Roxy’s mind wanted to seize upon what it saw as some questionable statements in what Mila said -- namely that there was some magical guy out there who could fulfill her like that, much less that Roxy deserved it. She of course thought of Spence and felt guilt tug at her insides, both for the tiny slip into cheating and how she’d treated him in her confusion. She definitely didn’t deserve anything in that situation. Mila’s last declaration made her throat ache worse -- did Roxy even believe that anymore? What she wanted had been on the backburner for so long, and she’d been waiting for Caden to change for so long, she wasn’t even sure how she would do on her own. She was scared, but loath to admit it. All of that seemed impossible to say out loud though, especially with emotion clogging her throat. “You’re too sweet to me,” she murmured instead, and gave a thick-sounding little laugh.
Mila had also thought of Spence, but she couldn't bring herself to say his name out loud. She had no idea what the guy was up to these days. For all she knew he was dating someone else now. But it was more the idea of Spence. Of someone who would love and take care of Roxy without all of the baggage. Then again, Mila didn't think Roxy necessarily needed a man to be happy either. But she knew how scary it could be to be on one's own after being in a codependent relationship for so long. "I'm only telling you the truth," Mila said simply. "I love you, and I want you to be happy, however that may look. And you know I'm always here for you if you want to talk, or vent or rage or... anything, okay?"
“I know,” Roxy said, able to dredge up a genuine smile for that. And she did know, sometimes it felt like Mila was the only reliable person in her life. Part of Roxy’s gratitude that Mila was getting better was selfish too. “And I’m grateful for that, I love you too. I’m just ... fucked up and don’t know what I deserve anymore, or even want. I’m sure it’s hard to watch, so I’m sorry.” She knew Mila would blow off that apology, just like she would, but Roxy did hate that she didn’t have her life shit together and other people could see it. She felt like she was old enough to be past this kind of dumb drama in her life, but apparently not.
"Roxy, I know the circumstances are different, but I know what it feels like to be fucked up and... feeling undeserving of certain things, especially of support and love. I can't tell you to get over it and recognize your worth because it's not that easy. I think it's just a process. And you need people in your life who can help you see it instead of people who try to keep covering your eyes because they're selfish assholes..." Mila trailed off with a grimace. She really didn't need to start in on Caden in the middle of Veronica's. "I'm sorry. I'm just... I don't know. I know you're probably getting tired of having this conversation with me. I just want you to know I'm there for you." She reached out to touch the fabric of the sweater she had been eying, just to have something to do with her hands.
She might have felt better about having an in-depth emotional conversation about all of this somewhere else, somewhere not public where she could freely get upset and cry and yell if she wanted to. Not necessarily at Mila, because she knew her friend was just trying to look out for her, but there were so many aspects of the entire thing worth screaming about. “I know, and I would be doing the same to you, if we’d ended up with different brothers,” Roxy said with a faint chuckle. Not that she thought she and Aaron would ever be a good match, but he seemed to be kind of perfect for Mila. “I just feel like me and Caden both need tons of therapy we’re never going to actually get. Not together, anyway. Maybe ... I dunno, maybe I need some just for me.” She was sure he would disapprove of her going to therapy, but if so many people swore by it, maybe it could help her too, right? If nothing else, maybe it would make her a better wife for him.
Mila's lips twitched in mild amusement although she couldn't imagine ever wanting to date Caden Lucas. He was attractive but there was so much about him that put her off. She still didn't know how Aaron had walked away from that family as sweet as he was. "Whatever you want to do, you should. Maybe it would be helpful to get some... unbiased advice?" She smiled faintly then. "I could give you the name of the therapist I had to talk to when I came home. She was pretty great." Even if Mila had stopped going, she still appreciated the help. But there was only so much about her experience that she could talk about before she started sounding crazy. Mila had no desire to get admitted to some psychiatric hospital.
From what little she’d heard about what Mila had been through, Roxy couldn’t imagine trying to talk to a professional about it. Her own problems were much more mundane though, so she didn’t have to worry about getting locked up or anything. “Yeah, maybe it would be helpful,” she echoed in a murmur, then nodded. “Send me her information, whenever you get a chance.” Roxy was already thinking about what weekly excuse she could use for appointments, because she knew Caden wouldn’t join her for any couples’ counseling, and she was willing to bet he would give her shit for wanting to go for herself. She moved to examine a few other things on the clothing racks around them, though her mind wasn’t really on shopping at the moment. Roxy glanced over at Mila again and smiled. “Now you’d better find and buy something you like here, or I’ll feel guilty for dragging it all down.”
"Of course." She would text it to Roxy before the evening was over, for sure. And maybe someone else would be able to help Roxy see how much happier she could be on her own. It was probably wrong of her to try and sway Roxy away from Aaron's brother, but Mila was pretty sure Aaron would agree with her. She huffed out a soft laugh when Roxy told her she needed to find something to buy. Then she spotted a soft looking, floral sundress. It was maternity wear and she probably wouldn't need to wear it for a couple more months, but she was itching to buy something, like her first piece of maternity clothes would make it all real somehow. Silly, but she couldn't help it. "This is cute," she said, glancing over at Roxy. "What do you think?"
Roxy had never been to therapy, nothing more than some school counselors expressing concern to her exasperated parents. Not even after the big fight with her sister, no one had tried to figure out how her mind worked and what she could do to help herself. She’d never been given good tools to deal with anything, and even though it felt too late to start now ... maybe it wasn’t. If Mila could recover from what she’d been through, maybe Roxy could get her paled-in-comparison shit together. Grateful for the distraction, Roxy stepped over to look at the dress, reaching out to lightly feel the material. “I think it’s adorable,” she said, looking over at her friend with a warm smile. “You should get it. And some work clothes, like you said. And we’re going back to Belladonna, I’m almost out of lotion at home.” She was determined now to have a good time with Mila now that some of her Issues had been cleared from the air.
Mila studied the dress again before pulling the hanger off the rack. Why the hell not, right? She was frugal with her money, even now that she was getting a decent paycheck. They needed to save up to start buying things for the baby, but Mila needed some clothes, so... she would buy some clothes. "We'll definitely go to Belladonna next. I want to get Aaron some of that mint shaving cream? It smells so good. Then we can grab some dinner. I was thinking we should treat ourselves and eat at The Boathouse. My treat." Roxy deserved something nice and Mila doubted Caden was going to take her there on a random weeknight.
She made a little ‘oooh’ sound at the idea of mint shaving cream, and Roxy automatically thought about finding something for Caden. Nothing frou-frou, of course -- she wasn’t even sure he would use a minty shaving cream -- but Belladonna had all kinds of stuff. Surely she could find something he would like and use but never buy for himself. Maybe it would cheer him up a bit when she came home. “Aw honey, that’s so sweet, thank you,” Roxy said, touching her chest briefly. “That sounds amazing.” And it would make her cute outfit more worthwhile, at least. Not that she dressed up for anyone but herself, but Roxy would fit in better at The Boathouse in what she was wearing than her usual clothes. She gave Mila a tiny grin. “You’re turning into an excellent sugar mama, I bet Aaron is enjoying it.”
Mila wondered if they could get a table near the windows to have a nice view of the ocean. Even if this night was a temporary relief for Roxy, it was better than nothing. Her friend deserved so much more than she thought she did. Pretty things and expensive dinners wouldn't fix anything, but if it made Roxy feel good, even for a while, it would be worth it. Being called a sugar mama made her laugh. She wasn't rich or anything, but she had more disposable income than she ever had working as a waitress. It was still taking some time to get used to. But Mr. D'Onofrio was taking good care of her, and she couldn't complain. "I think he is? I mean, we haven't talked about it much. And he contributes too but yeah, I like buying him things too, even if it's just to make him smile for a bit. I can't go crazy since we have a mortgage now but... Gavin can't really get on his case about having a baby and being broke anymore, I guess."
The mention of Gavin’s name made Roxy roll her eyes and give an annoyed groan. “He’d better not get on his case about anything, fucking asshole,” Roxy muttered. She felt a stab of guilt, because Gavin had been through so much in recent months, but that didn’t excuse the way he and Caden had treated Mila’s first pregnancy. Roxy didn’t want to hear any shit from them about this one, at all. If nothing else, they should all more thoroughly understand the value of family now. “Well, everytime I see him he looks over the moon happy. Aaron, I mean. I was just chalking it up to you guys moving in together, but now I know the whole story, and it’s so cute it’s gonna make me puke.” She grinned and hooked her arm through Mila’s once more to walk them out of the maternity section and back to the things they’d been browsing through before. Roxy was going to make her friend pamper herself, too.
It occurred to Mila in a horrible, sick way, that she could tell Roxy something that would probably end things with Caden once and for all. She hadn't allowed herself to think about it much since being home but occasionally it lurked darkly in the back of her mind. If Roxy knew what Mila knew... but no, she couldn't do that to her friend. Or to Aaron. She wasn't sure he would be able to handle it. Mila and Gavin hadn't really been face to face much since she came back from the tunnel and that was probably for the best. So she smiled at Roxy, hoping it didn't look too forced. "You should have seen his face when I told him. I kind of felt like Santa Claus, I won't lie. But he's been amazing. We'll find out in a couple of weeks what we're having. And... I guess we'll have to tell my parents. That's the part I'm dreading. But it might not be too bad."
Oblivious to the other things on Mila’s mind, Roxy cringed in sympathy. She knew that Mila’s parents were fairly religious and conservative, and here their only daughter was living in sin with the youngest son of one of the most hated low-class families in town, and had already been pregnant once. After the loss of that pregnancy and what Mila had been through while she was missing though, Roxy hoped they would go easy on her. She was obviously gotten so much happier, Roxy was of the opinion that they all needed to let her do whatever it took to feel better still. “Yeah, I don’t envy you that part,” Roxy said. “Let me know how that goes, hope they don’t make a big deal about it. In a bad way, I mean. They need to fawn all over you and your tiny bean.” Mila was their only shot at grandchildren now, Roxy truly hoped they would just be happy for it all. “What did they say about you and Aaron moving in together?”
Mila grimaced again but started to look through the pretty tops she could wear to work. "Well, my dad was okay with it, mostly. I think he really likes Aaron. My mom didn't approve and told me so. She's praying for me. And they... didn't know about the first pregnancy. I had been too scared to tell them and then... well, I just didn't see any reason to tell them after the fact and upset them." Mila glanced at Roxy. "I think maybe if I can tell them about this baby with a wedding date or something like that, it might make things easier for them to digest. Honestly, I think they just want me to be okay and be happy but it's hard for my mom to look past her religious stuff. I think Aaron won her over too, but it's still God watching and all that, you know?"
Roxy made an ‘ahhh’ sound of understanding and nodded her head a bit. She couldn’t really blame Mila for not telling her parents about the first one, especially considering what happened after. “Yeah, I know,” she said with a casual roll of her eyes, smiling faintly. Mrs. Moretti was a good Catholic lady, and Roxy knew so many of those. God, she missed St. Dismas. The nearby Protestant churches just weren’t the same. “I would think God is happy for you too. He knows you and Aaron’s hearts, and what you’ve been through. You deserve this happiness. You and Aaron just need to set a date then, that’s all.” Roxy gave her a smile, browsing through a few things herself. “The one Lucas who’s not a total commitment-phobe, pin him down fast.” She chuckled a little.
Mila nodded, because she couldn't bring herself to tell Roxy that she didn't really believe anymore. She had been doubting her faith for a long time and any lingering hope she had that a higher power existed had completely dissipated after walking out of that tunnel. But Roxy was right. Even if she didn't deserve this, Aaron did. He had been through so much and most of that was because of her. Mila would broach the subject of a wedding date and see what he thought. Roxy's comment made her laugh though, pushing away some darker thoughts. "Don't forget Aaron was once a commitment phobe. Do you remember how many different girls would come into the bar asking for him?" She moved to the next rack of clothes to look through. "Though I don't know if that's really being a commitment phobe or just being easily swayed by his you know what."
“It’s okay Mila, you can say dick,” Roxy teased with a grin. “Since now I know for sure you’re not a blushing virgin anymore.” She gave a pointed look at Mila’s still-flat-looking tummy and laughed. She of course knew that Mila handed in her V-card a long time ago, but it felt good to indulge in some girlish immaturity. Like they were able to be more carefree than they actually felt. Roxy wanted to drink wine and giggle and forget about everything else. “But yes, I definitely remember Aaron’s man-ho days. He seems so much happier now. And not hungover nearly as often.” It was an improvement for the people working with him, namely her, but Roxy took it as a good sign of Aaron’s improved state of mind too. And all of that could be chalked up to Mila, so Roxy really hoped things would go more smoothly for them going forward.
Mila rolled her eyes, but grinned. "You're right. Dick, dick, dick. It's just weird to say it when talking about Aaron's dick... but like, Aaron's dick with other girls. Anyway, man-ho is a much better way to phrase it." Mila had used to burn with jealousy whenever those women would show up to flirt with Aaron. But ever since they slept together, she had never felt scared or worried that he would cheat on her. Everything seemed to have just fallen into place, like maybe she and Aaron had always meant to find one another. That could have been the romantic in her talking, but it made Mila feel good, so she was going to be okay with it. "I don't think he's had much to drink since I came back," Mila said, pulling a pretty silk top from the rack to check the size. "And he's not on his pain killers anymore. I think he's doing a lot better though... I don't know. I still feel like he should talk to someone sometimes. I know he buries a lot of trauma because of me. I just want him to be okay, like I want you to be okay."
The repetition of ‘dick’ made Roxy snicker as she took a sweater off the rack to look at, then put it back. She had stopped thinking about Caden’s sexual past years ago, well aware that her name was a long way down his list of conquests. It wasn’t something they’d ever talked about much, both of them too jealous by nature to have any rational discussions about it. In spite of the threats to cheat or leave they threw at each other in the heat of the moment during fights, Roxy wasn’t terribly worried about Caden straying. He was attractive and he could turn on some charm when he wanted to, but she was sure they were stuck in their miserable rut together. She nodded as she listened to Mila, glad that Aaron was off of those pills and drinking less. All of the Lucases could stand to drink less, really. She gave Mila another soft smile. “You’re so sweet,” she told her. “Too sweet for your own good sometimes. I want us all to be okay too, but you can’t be responsible for all that yourself, you know.”
"I know." Mila understood, though it was hard to turn off the feeling that she needed to fix everything, and everyone. At least in Aaron's case, Mila felt responsible for a lot of his trauma even if he told her not to. She knew she wasn't in her right mind, but the guilt lingered and Mila wasn't entirely sure how to overcome it. And Roxy was her best friend. Mila just wanted her to be happy. She bit her lip and then draped the shirt over her arm. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to try and help where I can." Mila arched a brow and smiled. "Want to check out the lingerie before we leave? It's not work clothes but... I feel like splurging a little."
“Um, yes please,” Roxy said with enthusiasm and a soft laugh. “That’s the stuff you wear under the work clothes, then surprise Aaron with it when you get home.” She grinned a bit, already turning to walk in that direction. She knew that Mila just wanted the best for all of them, and Roxy loved her for it. With as fucked up as the world and this town were, and as much as they’d all been through, they needed kind-hearted people to love them through it. She just needed her best friend to take care of herself too. This was helping, this normalcy of shopping and enjoying each others’ company, even if the conversation was sometimes hard. The hard stuff just meant Mila loved her, and Roxy was grateful for that.