ownthenights (ownthenights) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2020-08-25 15:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | #february 2018, sebastian, sebastian x theo, theo |
Who: Sebastian and Theo
Where: Clint’s Superbowl Party
When: Evening, Sunday, February 4th
Status: Complete
The past couple of weeks had been some of the hardest Sebastian had ever experienced. He’d never realized how big a role his mother played in his life, how her presence affected his decisions and her absence felt like a hole had been drilled into his heart. He didn’t think he was a mama’s boy, but he still missed her terribly and hated how little he could do to change the fact that she was gone. His father had tried everything he could to bring her back, and was probably still trying, but this wasn’t something magic could fix. It was disappointing, but also somewhat expected. He didn’t want to be a quitter, but it was getting harder and harder to keep on hoping for something that seemed impossible.
The weirdest part was the way everything else returned to normal. School was still in session and he was still going to graduate in the spring. He had homework to keep up with and tests he couldn’t skip out on just because his mom was gone. And the Superbowl came around, just like it did every year. Sebastian didn’t really feel up to partying, but all his friends were going to be there and he knew sitting at home and doing nothing was depressing, so he went. It was weird at first, trying to be social when he realized he had no idea what was going on with anyone, but after a few drinks it got easier. He could bullshit with the best of them and had been faking it long enough that it was actually pretty easy. Somewhere in the second quarter there was a lull and he found himself fiddling with his phone, and before he knew it he was texting Theo. You watching the game? He couldn’t imagine the answer was no, so he sent another before even waiting for a response. There’s a party at Clint Nolan’s house. You should join us.
Theo had heard about the abandoned cars out at Witcham. He knew who had gone missing from his mom... and of course, the rest of the town. For him, it felt like another day in Point Pleasant and he often wondered what the statistics of missing persons was here compared to the rest of the United States. It wasn't something he ever looked into, simply because he wasn't sure he really wanted to know.
Tonight his mom was hosting a handful of people at her house for the Super Bowl, although it felt like her guests were there for business more than for pleasure. The game itself was simply background noise as they all mingled and spoke, sometimes in hushed voices. Theo didn't recognize any of them, so he kept mostly to himself, texting a few friends and trying to decide if he wanted to venture out into the cold to join some of them.
During a commercial, he got Sebastian's text and it took Theo a moment to remember who Clint Nolan was. Considering it was Sebastian who was inviting him, Theo took that to mean the guy wanted to hook up, which would be a hell of a lot more fun than hanging around the house with his mom and her boring ass colleagues. So Theo got up from the couch to get ready, thumbing in a response to Sebastian as he walked towards the stairs. sure. be there soon. Hopefully they had alcohol.
Sebastian wasn’t really in the mood to hook up now, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be later. Alcohol had that effect on him, as did cute boys, and Theo had those both going for him. Just thinking about the last time they’d hooked up was usually enough to turn him on, so he wasn’t worried about it. He wanted the distraction more than anything else, and the chance to feel wanted. He watched for Theo more than he watched the game and was glad it was a big enough group that no one should question him showing up. Everyone in Overlook seemed to be there at least, and that was still Theo’s crowd, even if he was a few years older. He wouldn’t be the only recent graduate in attendance.
It didn't take terribly long for Theo to drive over to Clint's once he freshened up and changed his shirt. There were plenty of cars out front so Theo parked a few houses down before making the short trek to Clint's. Given the noise inside, Theo didn't bother knocking. It was a party, and parties in Overlook generally meant open door to most people. He was immediately greeted by a few people and he stopped to chit chat for a few minutes before he spotted Sebastian. "Gotta say, this is a hell of a lot better than being stuck with my mom and her friends. I'm not even sure they understand football. How's it going?" He would get a drink in a minute, but Sebastian invited him over so it made sense to hang with the guy before he got wasted. Or maybe just a little buzzed.
When Sebastian spotted Theo, he did his best not to track him across the room. It probably didn’t matter—he was out, so he was allowed to ogle boys occasionally—but if they both disappeared later he didn’t want to give anyone a reason to jump to conclusions, even if they might be correct. Then again, Theo had a pretty solid reputation for being with girls, so it was probably fine. Sebastian realized he was overthinking things about the time that Theo showed up beside him. “It’s going,” he shrugged, but gave Theo a little smile. “I’m not a big Patriots fan, so I’d like to see the Eagles pull off a win. But I’m really here to see if Justin has another wardrobe malfunction during halftime.” He doubted there would be anything even remotely risky, but bets were going around after the last time he’d performed at the Super Bowl. “Why’s your mom throwing a party if they’re not into the game? They like the commercials?”
"You live in Maine and you're not a Patriots's fan? That's blasphemy." Theo gasped and held his hand up to his chest. Then he grinned and slipped his hands casually into his pockets. "My mom's party is really just a meeting dressed up with football and expensive finger foods. They're all there to network and suck up to each other. Most of them don't even live in Point Pleasant. It's weird, to be honest, but I've learned not to ask questions." He rarely got answers when he did anyway. "What're you drinking?" Because he definitely needed a drink in his hand and if Sebastian wanted a refill, Theo could do that for him too.
“Don’t say that too loud, or they’ll kick me out,” Sebastian smiled. He knew most of his friends were big Patriots fans, but he felt like they were a little over-hyped. Or maybe he just liked rooting for the underdog. “Glad you could escape. That sounds like way too much work.” He knew networking was important, especially for someone in a position like Theo’s mother, but dragging it into Sunday night football felt like overkill. It was the kind of thing his parents would have attended though, which made him think of his mom, who wasn’t attending parties at all anymore. “Nothing fancy,” he answered, glancing down at his mostly empty glass. “Just rum and Coke. But there’s beer too. Want to grab a drink?”
It was definitely work for his mom, but Theo supposed he got off easy. He just had to smile and be charming when someone paid attention to him. It wasn't too difficult, but it was mind numbingly boring. "Rum and Coke sounds good, actually," Theo said, glancing in the direction of the kitchen. "You wanna come with?" He had no idea if Sebastian was actually watching the football game or just hanging out with friends. Maybe a little bit of both but Theo supposed he was treading lightly here, because he knew Sebastian's mom had gone missing and it was probably hard to party like nothing was wrong.
Sebastian was finding it hard to be invested in anything lately, let alone a football game, but when it came to pretending everything was fine he was becoming a pro. His worst mood swings often happened when he was alone and if he didn’t think he could fake it, he wouldn’t have come out at all. Drinking helped immensely and he had a mind to ask Theo if they could get high again, but he thought maybe he should wait. That wasn’t what he wanted to lead with. “Sure,” he said. “I can get a refresh.” He didn’t really need it, but the more he drank, the better he felt, so why not? He led the way to the kitchen, then stopped in front of the bar, leaning against the counter as he let Theo make his drink first. “So what’ve you been up to? Anything new?”
"Not too much," Theo said, reaching for one of the plastic cups to start mixing his drink. "Mom's pushing me to get a job now, so I guess I'll be doing that soon enough." He had only been sort of looking for the past month or so. Now he needed to get his ass in gear. He wanted to start getting his own paychecks and spending his own money. Almost belatedly Theo grimaced, glancing at Sebastian as he poured some rum into his cup. It was probably silly to feel awkward mentioning his mom when Sebastian's was gone, but he had enough self-awareness to know this wouldn't be a good time to complain about his mother. "What about you? How're you going? I heard about your mom..." More awkwardness, but it felt right to ask.
“I’m sure you’ll find something,” Sebastian said. “Depends on what you want to do.” He’d always been given the impression that his options would be limited without a college degree, but he was pretty sure your options were limited regardless if you stayed in Point Pleasant. He doubted Theo was looking for his dream job now anyways. If he didn’t go off to college, he knew his mom would be pushing for him to get a job as well. Or… she would have… if she was still there. “I’m okay,” Sebastian lied with a small shrug. He’d barely told Greg how this all made him feel; he certainly wasn’t going to unload on Theo. “Things are shitty, but… but there’s not much we can do. My dad’s talking about my grandmother coming to stay with us and that’s kind of a nightmare.”
Theo knew Sebastian was right. The issue was he had no idea what he wanted to do. He was pretty sure his mom wanted him to get involved in politics or something like that and while it had it's allure, Theo didn't want to end up like her. Besides, he hadn't finished college so he was pretty sure that particular path to power was fucked for him. Sipping his drink, Theo studied Sebastian before frowning. I'm okay was as much of a lie as I'm fine when you asked how people were. If they were good, they'd say so. "Your grandmother?" Theo wrinkled his nose before smiling faintly. "Your dad knows you're a senior in high school, right? Your sister... she's not so young that she needs a babysitter either, does he?"
“Yeah, she’s a junior, so totally unnecessary,” Sebastian said. “He’s pretty much checked out though, so I’m sure it’s so there’s someone around to make him dinner, when he’s actually around.” He rolled his eyes, a little too drunk to notice how bitter he sounded. It wasn’t like he’d ever been all buddy-buddy with his father, but he was spending less time home than ever before and Sebastian couldn’t shake the feelings of abandonment that kept creeping in. Instead of stepping up, James seemed to be stepping out, attempting to turn all the real work over to his mother. Sebastian didn’t buy the excuse that he needed help at home— he and Phee were perfectly capable of taking after themselves. He had the feeling he’d be spending less time home himself once Grandma moved in. Sebastian took a sip of his drink, trying to refocus his attention on Theo. “Has it always been just you and your mom?”
"That sucks," Theo said. And he meant it. He tried to imagine his mom bringing in his grandma or grandpa to take care of him when he was essentially already an adult and Theo was pretty sure he would have thrown a fit about it. Sebastian was about to graduate high school. But... some parents preferred to have someone else do the heavy lifting while they ditched out. Maybe that was what was happening in the McCarthy home. Maybe he'd ask his mom if she knew anything about it. There was a burst of cheers from the people watching the game in the other room and Theo glanced towards the noise before turning his attention back to Sebastian. "My parents got divorced when I was like, seven. I haven't seen my dad since. Once I turned eighteen I stopped hearing from him too, since he wasn't legally bound to send checks anymore. So." Theo shrugged. "It's no big. We're fine on our own. And she's working a lot, so it kind of feels like I live alone too, which isn't always a bad thing."
“Yeah, my curfew is pretty much nonexistent now,” Sebastian said with a soft snort. “So it’s not all bad. Just different from what I’m used to.” He didn’t exactly like it and he couldn’t explain why. It was more freedom than he’d ever had, but he struggled to really enjoy it. It only seemed to highlight how alone he was, how the only person who might notice he was gone was Phee. He appreciated that now, especially after having disappeared a few weeks prior, but it didn’t change how isolated he felt after everything he’d been through. Only Greg and Jules knew the most of it, but he couldn’t keep weighing them down. They had their own shit to deal with. “Sorry about your dad though. That sucks, too,” he said because being abandoned at any age sucked. He imagined Theo was past it at this point, but now he felt bad for bringing it up.
Theo hadn't had a curfew in years, so he didn't envy Sebastian at all, although it sounded like the guy had some freedom at the moment. Who knew if that would change once his grandmother showed up. He grinned faintly at the mention of his dad and Theo shrugged again. "It was a long time ago. I know I'm not the only one whose dad turned out to be a piece of shit." He took another drink from his cup and glanced around. "You wanna go watch the game? Or we can find a room and talk or whatever." Talk or whatever. That sounded lame, but he felt a little off his game tonight. It felt weird to try and flirt or hit on Sebastian with his mom missing and while Theo knew he could be a selfish dick, he wasn't really feeling it tonight.
Flirting wasn’t coming naturally to Sebastian either, but spending some time alone with Theo appealed to him, even if it didn’t result in fooling around. He knew that was the expectation though. He doubted Theo would have come over just to hang out. “Let’s… see if we can find a room,” he said with a little smile. “You’re not worried about disappearing with me?” He didn’t want to discourage Theo, but finding a room at Clint’s house was different than leaving the party together. It was hard to explain away why they’d been shut up alone together, unless they were getting high, which had its own appeal. But then Bash wouldn’t normally smoke inside someone’s house. Even drunk, he knew that was rude.
"We're not technically disappearing," Theo pointed out with a grin. "We're just going to a different room." As far as he knew they weren't about to get naked in Clint's house. Maybe Theo wasn't really out about his sexuality but he never really considered himself to be super paranoid about it either. It would create issues if people found out, but everyone seemed to sort of chill and focused on the football game anyway. If people found them and gave them shit, Theo would deal with it. It wouldn't be the first time. "This house is pretty big anyway, I doubt anyone will even notice we're gone."
“No, probably not,” Sebastian said with a little laugh. “Come on. Let’s go.” It was probably a good thing Theo wasn’t super paranoid about people noticing them wandering off together because Sebastian probably did enough worrying for the both of them. It was a familiar situation for him and he couldn’t help but relate, even if he knew it was likely different for Theo. Though he’d been to Clint’s house a number of times, the places he was most familiar with were the ones were everyone already was. “I think one of these is a study,” he said as he led them further away from the noise. He tried the first door he came to and opened it into dark room. Flicking on the light, he smiled, glad to find it unoccupied. “This work?”
Theo carried his drink and followed Sebastian. He had only been in this house a couple of times in the past for much bigger parties, so Theo had to assume Sebastian knew the place a bit better than he would. "This works," he said, once he got a better look at the room. This might have been an "off limits" room in the past, but Theo wasn't drunk and had no plans on destroying anything valuable here. Instead, he plopped down on the leather sofa and exhaled. "Is there something you want to talk about?" Theo asked after a moment. "I know that sounds lame but it feels shitty to just start talking about random shit with everything going on."
Sebastian took a seat beside Theo, turning sideways so he could face him. He knew it was weird that he'd texted him, it wasn't like they were especially close, but he didn't know how to remedy it now that he was here. At least Theo didn't seem too put out that he couldn't force himself into a partying mood, even if that was what he'd hoped for himself. "I dunno," he said with little sigh. "I don't have much going on in my life that's not a downer. Like... I know people have moved on, but I keep wondering when the shit's gonna hit the fan again, you know?" He'd always considered himself an optimist, but it was hard to keep thinking that things were going to get better only to find out that they could and would get worse.
Theo couldn't help but laugh although the sound held no humor. "Dude, I feel like the shit hit the fan a long time ago and the fan just keeps going, right? Flinging shit all over the damn place, with no end in sight." He held up his cup. "Should we drink to that?" He knew he probably sounded like a cynical asshole, but Sebastian had lived here his entire life, like Theo. They knew the truth about this place. "I'm sorry you're dealing with so much of it now. I guess in some way it's been a bit easier to tolerate when it's not directly affecting you." That's how he used to feel, anyway. Before he started getting sucked into witnessing the last moments of people he knew, and didn't know.
It wasn’t funny, but it made Sebastian laugh as well and he tipped his plastic cup towards Theo before having another sip. “It makes me wonder how I got so far without really noticing it. I mean, I was never completely in the dark, but it was just a—an inconvenience, you know? Like when something weird happened and we’d all have to stay inside. Some places have tornadoes, others have hurricanes, we have— fog monsters and other bullshit.” And the weirdest part of that was that he’d moved on from the fog monsters without thinking too much of it. He’d had other things on his mind and believed his mom was fine. It was always like that around there, people suffered trauma and just kept going, unable to do anything else unless they left town completely.
"That's a sign that you grew up in this place," Theo pointed out. "Because we grow up surrounded by it and we get used to it. We know people who aren't... normal. And fuck, we're probably not normal either, even if we feel it. Does that make sense? I mean, I'm only on my first drink so I know I'm not drunk yet." He grinned before taking a sip from his cup. "Makes you wonder what this place would be like if people started confronting the bad shit. Started asking more questions and doing something about it. That'd be sweet, but also... kind of scary to think about. Like the ground would just open up and swallow everyone whole."
Sebastian used to feel normal, even being a witch, but that was no longer the case. It wasn’t just some random gene that ran through his family like his red hair; it was a condition that had up-ended his life and made things far more complicated than they should have been. If he hadn’t been a witch, he seriously doubted he’d have been possessed by an ancestor. Of course, other things could still possess him, so it probably didn’t matter either way. The fog monsters hadn’t discriminated. They’d taken whomever they could get. “I’m a few drinks ahead of you and it still makes sense,” he smiled. “I’m not sure we could do anything to stop it though. Not without severe consequences, like you said. Like, what good is it to cleanse the town if it burns the whole thing to the ground? I feel like, we’ve gotta find that balance, where we fight it without destroying ourselves.”
"I don't think I'm equipped to fight anything," Theo said wryly. "But I could stand on the sidelines and cheer everyone else." He snickered and then took another drink. He really needed to catch up to Sebastian. Trying to relax, Theo settled a bit more comfortably on the couch and rolled his head a bit to look at him more directly. "You're going to be ditching out of here in a few months anyway, right? College?" Or maybe that was put on hold with his mother gone. He knew how that kind of ship could rattle someone's life, sending it into upheaval. If his mom disappeared Theo would probably get his shit and get the fuck out of Point Pleasant for good.
“Yeah, I’m not either,” Sebastian sighed. “I wish I was, but… I dunno how to make that happen.” He thought of his day at the beach with Greg, exploding snowballs. It had been fun and empowering at the time, but now he could see how useless it was. Power like that wasn’t what Point Pleasant needed, though he couldn’t say what it did need either. “That was the plan, but who knows? It seems weird to even think about now.” He took a sip of his drink, trying to reconcile the reality of what going to college would probably look like with the fantasy he’d once pictured in his head. “I had this idea that college was gonna be incredible. That I’d finally be free of this place. I could live my life the way I wanted. But things… haven’t really played out the way I thought.”
"College can be incredible, but it can also suck hardcore." Theo grinned, though there was little humor in the gesture. "And you never know, it could be incredible for you. Maybe it'll be exactly what you need. I think everyone in this town ought to escape it, at least for a year or two." God, he really wished he'd brought some weed with him. The alcohol would have to do. "I'm sorry shit isn't working out for you though. But don't let it completely derail what you've got coming.” Theo grimaced. "I'm starting to sound like a fucking guidance counselor, aren't I? I swear I'm not this boring."
I don’t think guidance counselors swear quite so much,” he teased lightly. “I’m sure it’s only ‘cause I’m such a fucking train wreck.” He didn’t like the admission, no matter how much it rang true. When had his life become such a mess? Could he really blame it all on starting to practice magic? No, that was just half of it. The rest would’ve been thrown at him regardless, making it just one bad roll of the dice after another. “I swear I didn’t call you over here just to mope at you. I wish I could escape it all now, you know? Even for a week, but spring break is, like, a month away.” Or something like that. He wondered if he’d even go somewhere this year. Anywhere would be better than Point Pleasant.
Theo couldn't help but laugh at that. "Yeah, I'd probably be fired if I were a counselor. I don't mean to swear so much but eventually fuck becomes part of your daily vocabulary." He took another drink from his cup, enjoying this much more than he would have had they been downstairs. Yes, he liked football, but he just wasn't into the game tonight. "And hey, it's fine. You have a reason to mope. I'd probably be a little weirded out if you were happy and having fun." Theo looked at Sebastian, cocking his brow. "It doesn't sound like your dad is really on top of what you're doing all the time. You could probably ditch out of school anytime you wanted and take a break." Although he had no idea how studious Sebastian was. Some people would balk at the idea of skipping class.
Sebastian supposed that he would have to get used to this eventually, that his version of normal would have to change. As much as he wanted to pretend that everything was fine and dandy, he doubted he was fooling anyone these days and maybe that was okay. He didn’t have to be a ray of fucking sunshine—he just had to hold it together. “A day or two couldn’t hurt,” he smiled. “Not sure what I’d do though. Unless you want company. What do you do all day?” He didn’t make a habit out of skipping school—in fact, he’d probably done it only a handful of times—but he felt like he deserved a few days at this point. As long as he stayed on top of his studies, what did it matter if he missed a day here and there?
Theo grinned, resting his head against the back of the couch. "Nothing exciting," he admitted. "I meet up with some friends who are still around. I apply for jobs online, shit like that. It's been so damn cold. Once it warms up I'll get out of the house more often." He really hated that he sounded like a lazy asshole. But it was difficult to get out and do things on a consistent basis when he had no idea when he would be... taken and have to show some new spirit where to go. Spacing out in front of his friends wasn't exactly high on his list of things he wanted to happen. "But yeah, if you ever want to skip out on class, just shoot me a text. We'll find something to do. I don't mind being a bad influence."
“If it was warm, I’d say we could take the boat out,” Sebastian grinned. It was one of those things he always wanted to do, but had never actually done. His dad would probably kill him if he found out, but he was finding it harder and harder to care. It seemed virtually impossible to live up to his father’s expectations and sometimes he just wanted to say ‘fuck it’ and let loose a little. Then again, Sebastian worried about skipping school, so it was doubtful he’d ever actually take the boat from the dock. “I could probably use a bad influence in my life,” he laughed softly. “What kind of jobs have you been applying for?” He wondered what he’d do himself, if he didn’t make it to college and got stuck in Point Pleasant. Maybe he’d do like Greg and join the fire department, or whatever department it was that ran the ambulance. Did that require a college degree? He wasn’t sure. He just couldn’t imagine finding himself behind a desk.
Theo thought that over, not finding it to be a bad idea. "My mom's got a boat at the pier. It's got a cabin and all that, so we could take it out and still stay warm. I've had my friends out on it before, she won't care." As long as he didn't crash it into the pier itself, or some rocks and shit. Theo was generally pretty careful with her things. "Just something to think about," he added, so Sebastian would feel the need to agree to something he didn't really want to do. He downed the rest of his drink, liking the way it felt going down his throat. He was already feeling relaxed, which was exactly what he needed. "Jobwise, just bullshit here and there. My mom's been trying to get me to work as an intern or some shit for her, but I'd rather do something like.... pick up garbage than work for her." Theo laughed. "That makes it sound like I don't like my mom, I do... but it's different having to work with her. I keep thinking about becoming a cop. I don't know. I don't want to do the nine to five, mindless bullshit, you know?"
Sebastian had been speaking about his father’s boat, not Theo’s, but that was actually the better choice if they were allowed to be there. He loved being out on the water, even if it was far too cold to get in it. There was something soothing about it. “We should do it. Just give me another week to get my shit together,” he said, poking fun at himself. He doubted everything would be fine in a week, or even two or three, but he hoped at some point he wouldn’t be such a drag. The thought of Theo picking up garbage made him laugh as well, but he nodded in agreement. “I know what you mean. I’d go crazy behind a desk. And I couldn’t do what either of my parents do. I think I wanna work in healthcare, but we’ll see.” He still wasn’t sure he wanted to take on the amount of school that being a doctor required, but he could see himself working in a hospital. Something about that appealed to him.
"Hey, you've got my number. You can text whenever you've got your shit together. I'm not going anywhere," Theo said with a soft laugh. That was the sad, sad truth. But he figured Point Pleasant would be more tolerable once the weather changed and there was some color to this place again. Color and warmth. He was so tired of winter. "Healthcare though, that's a big commitment. I'm always in awe of people who'll work unpredictable shifts like that. But... I guess cops probably deal with that too. Maybe not as bad, but still." He held his cup up toward Sebastian to toast. "To knowing fuck all about what to do with our lives."
“I think I could handle the shift work. It’s the extra school that makes me cringe,” Sebastian grinned. He couldn’t be a cop, though, even if that required just a high school degree. It had to be one of the most depressing jobs in town. “I’ll drink to that,” he said and tipped his cup against Theo’s, his smile genuine despite the subject of their conversation. There was something cathartic about admitting that he didn’t really have it all together. He could own it, just for a little bit, with someone who possibly didn’t care. Or maybe was in a similar space. He knew he’d be lost if he deviated from the plan and dropped out of college, but he didn’t want to press Theo about it, certainly not at a party. It was nice just to be alone with him and Sebastian leaned against him, hoping that was okay so long as the door was shut. The room spun gently, but he took another sip of his drink. “What would you do if money didn’t matter? Or school? Or parents?”
Having Sebastian lean against him was definitely okay. Theo was pretty sure the last time he'd experienced any kind of physical affection was when they had hooked up at his house. The question made his mind go completely blank. Theo was sure it was something he'd thought about before, but honestly... what would he do? Was he so lost that he couldn't even think of some amazing career he'd go after if money and education wasn't an option? "I'd travel," he said finally, with a laugh. "I know that's not what you were going for. But seriously, maybe I'd do architecture. Design buildings. I always thought that was kind of cool. I don't know if I focused enough in the past to figure out what I was good at. It was always football and parties, even in college. That's probably why I failed there. What would you want to do?"
It was exactly what Sebastian was asking, but he could see why Theo might think otherwise. They had to get jobs, that was reality, but that didn't mean they wanted to. Sebastian had been pushed to succeed from such a young age that he'd always been trying to plan out his future, but actually landing on something proved difficult. If he wasn't shooting for such lofty goals, if he didn't have to actually work, life would be completely different. "You're gonna laugh at me," Sebastian smiled, looking up at Theo from where he rested against him. "I'd live on a beach. Maybe work on a boat. I just like being out on the water. Or, inversely, if that's a word. Up in the mountains. I could be a park ranger or something. Something outside. I do like the idea of helping people though. I'd 've made a good boy scout."
"Not laughing. That'd be cool," Theo said. "I'd kill to live on a houseboat. I don't know how well I'd do up in the mountains, but the beach? Hell yeah." And Sebastian had suddenly put the idea in his head to look into a houseboat. It could get fucking cold out on that water in the winter, but maybe he could get away with it during summer and autumn months. His mom never used her boat anyway, unless she was having some kind of party. Maybe it was the liquor pushing the idea, but it sounded like heaven. Moving out of his mom's house, being on the water, away from prying eyes. At least, his mom's prying eyes. "Wait, you weren't a boy scout?" Theo asked with a teasing grin. "I'd have thought you'd be an Eagle scout by now."
“Well, in the mountains I’d want a cabin… in the woods. Which is clearly a setup for some graphic murder, so the beach is a better option,” Sebastian snickered. Why the fuck did they live in Maine, where the months that he’d freeze his balls off on the beach out numbered the rest? It hadn’t been bad in the fall though, when they’d had the bonfire after the dance. Maybe it’d warm up enough that they could do that next month, over spring break. “I was trying to be one of the cool kids, remember?” he grinned. “Scouts aren’t on the football team. They don’t get to date cheerleaders. Not that I want to, but… that was the idea.”
"Some graphic murder, or a cool sci-fi horror film," Theo pointed out with a little titter of his own. He would much rather have the beach though, at least in the summer. The cabin thing might not be so bad in the winter if he had everything he needed to get by. Theo studied Sebastian, a faint smile playing at his lips. He knew what it meant to be popular. The expectations that were put on them. He also knew that most people would roll their eyes at their complaints about it, but the pressure still existed. "You were on the football team and dated cheerleaders. Maybe you would have had more fun as a Scout?" His grin widened. "You've only got a few more months of having to be a cool kid, right? Then you get let loose and do whatever you want."
“I actually liked football, so it wasn’t all bad,” Sebastian grinned. “Sometimes I get the itch to do whatever the fuck I want, like play a fairy in a play, but most of the time…” He paused, struggling to find the right words to explain why he felt like he needed to live up to everyone’s expectations of him. It should be as easy as doing whatever he made him happy, but it never felt that way. Some of the pressure would drop when he left for college, but then there’d be a new set of expectations, probably worse than the last. “I thought it would all change when I went to college. I wasn’t gonna come out till then, but… it’s really not that different, is it? Did you let loose? Do whatever you want?”
Theo laughed and nodded. "Yeah, I did whatever I wanted, which is probably why I'm not there anymore. You can let loose, meet new people, try new things. The best thing about it is that you're away from your parents, so you don't have to constantly look over your shoulder, right? But on the other hand, unless you get a full ride, they're also paying for your shit, so you've got to at least try. The expectations are there, they're just different. You just gotta know how to balance everything. For me, it was getting out of here and meeting people who didn't know who I was. Everyone in this town pretty much knows everyone else, and we all know each other's business. I liked being around people who... I don't know, were normal, I guess. No one here is normal."
“No, none of us are. I’m definitely not,” Sebastian said with a little laugh. His fingers brushed lightly up and down the back of Theo’s neck as he looked up at him. “You always seemed normal though. In a good way.” He knew there were some people that might take offense to being called normal, but that wasn’t what Sebastian meant. Theo still projected the appearance of normal. He didn’t seem skittish or afraid, or jaded and depressed. Well, maybe he was a little bit jaded, but everyone in Point Pleasant had that quality eventually. They all put up with so much shit that other people in other places didn’t have to deal with. At least, that was the perception. There might be other places like Point Pleasant in the world, but Sebastian doubted that it was the norm.
"You kind of have to appear normal to survive a lot of this shit," Theo said. Sebastian's fingers felt good against his skin and the gentle touches made his eyelids feel a bit heavy. Not that he wanted to fall asleep or anything, but it was nice to just fucking relax for once. All he really knew was that he was anything but normal and that wasn't something he was ready to reveal to Sebastian tonight, of all nights. They still barely knew each other. "I always felt like being anything but what people expected of me meant I'd have a target on my back, you know? That sounds cowardly and everything, but I didn't really know what else to do about it. I'm sure you know what that's like."
“Yeah, it was just easier to be what everyone wanted me to be. For a while, at least,” Sebastian said, easily able to relate to Theo. He’d spent almost all four years of high school trying to live up to people’s expectations of him, even when it wasn’t what he actually wanted. There was a lot of freedom in getting away from all that, but it would always exist when he came back home. “Maybe it’s cowardly, but it’s also self preservation. You know there’s gonna be fallout when you deviate from the norm, you just don’t know how much. But eventually, shit’s gotta settle. You’d be surprised how fast people move on around here. At least, that was my experience.”
"It's not surprising," Theo said. "It's like, there's a wall of denial that slides into place anytime something bad happens. There's a fallout, then denial, then everyone goes back to normal again. It's like a... a... cycle." He made a circle in the air with his hands. He'd only had one drink, but it was enough for him to feel good now. His hands fell to his thighs then before he squinted over at Sebastian, the corner of his lips curving. "We're a load of laughs right now, aren't we? This probably isn't why you texted me and I'm just... fuckin' blathering on about shit right now."
“It’s okay,” Sebastian snickered. “This is good. I know it’s probably not why you came, but… this is probably a little closer to what I needed.” Maybe it was a weird thing to admit, but just talking to someone felt really good, even if he couldn’t give Theo all the details. It was just a chill evening with a couple of drinks and a hot guy that didn’t seem to be judging him for being a complete mess. Theo didn’t seem to have it all together either, which helped in its own weird way. This might not be why Theo showed up, but he was glad he had. “Promise to make it up to you,” he said, his fingers still gently stroking the nape of Theo’s neck. “If you want me to.”
It was strange to admit that this might have been what he needed, too. He was used to hooking up with people without a lot of small talk before or after, but Sebastian was one of the very few in Point Pleasant who knew he was bi, so he felt like he could relax and be himself, even if they were talking about some pretty bleak things. And as selfish as it was, it was always nice to talk to someone who was as lost and confused as he was. They both seemed pretty adept at hiding it from other people, but damn, it could get exhausting after a while. Theo cocked a brow at Sebastian, a smile playing at his lips. "Yeah? How would you do that?"
Sebastian looked up at Theo, still lightly stroking the back of his neck, then twisted around so he could kiss him just once, lightly on the lips. He didn't feel up to making it into something more, but was comforted in the fact that Theo hadn't pushed for it. He would have another chance to kiss him and next time, he promised himself, he would be in the right frame of mind for it. "You'll have to wait and see," he said with a little laugh. It wasn't like he could play coy when Theo had already fucked him once. "We should go back, get another drink, and catch the end of the game. I need to at least know who won."
Surprisingly, Theo found he didn't mind it if they didn't fool around, or end the evening by fucking. It didn't really feel necessary and he could tell that Sebastian felt as "out of it" as he did. But there was the promise of something more later and that was really all he needed. "Yeah, we can do that," Theo said with a small grin before he stood and grabbed his empty cup. "Let's go." If they were gone for much longer people might start talking. While he wasn't sure he really cared at this point, he was also aware that he was drinking and feeling chill and might care later.