Adrian Moretti (theneedtofeed) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2020-08-06 21:04:00 |
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Entry tags: | #january 2018, adrian, adrian x mila, mila |
Who: Adrian & Mila
Where: Outside the library
When: January 28, Sunday night
Status: Complete
Sometimes people wished for things - but not really. Adrian was all too familiar with that particular brand of mixed feelings as he waited for Mila to show up at the library parking lot after hours. He'd asked her to come, not wanting to risk waiting outside their parents house or showing up at her work. He wasn't looking forward to this because it was goodbye and he didn't know for how long. That's where the wishing came in, the wishing that wasn't real wishing, the not real wish of having no loved ones so he could just disappear without hurting anyone's feelings. He still wasn't sure what he was going to say to her, if anything. He'd written a letter, just in case he couldn't get the words out and by the time she'd read it, he'd be gone. Or he'd tell her. His stomach churned with anxiety as he thought about it and he stared out into the dark, not turning his headlights on until he saw her car approaching and made sure it was her and not someone else, someone large and strong and dead set on killing him.
He got out of the car when she'd parked, slipped into her passenger seat and leaned in to give her a little kiss on the cheek. "Sorry I haven't been in touch," was the first thing he said and at least his voice wasn't all fucked up anymore. "It's been a little rough. How are you?" She looked good and he knew she was working now, a good job at that, better than a bar. She was worth that and he was happy for her. It also made him feel a little better about leaving, feeling like she was really going to be okay.
Mila was always willing to drop everything and see her brother. She loved working days now, because her nights were open and that seemed to be the best time to visit Adrian. He had been sort of missing in action lately, which had worried her, so she was beyond relieved when she got his message to meet him at the library. It hadn't been difficult getting out of the house, since her parents were used to Mila heading out to see Aaron for dinner.
When he climbed into the car, she kept the engine running since it was cold out and she had no idea if he wanted to go somewhere else. "It's fine," she assured him, searching his face for any sign that something might be wrong. "I'm fine too. I'm more worried about you. Is everything okay?"
"The whole town went crazy last week," Adrian muttered. "Some nutbag got in my face so I needed to lay low." That was one way of putting it but Mila really didn't need to know that someone had tried to kill him. Had killed him. What a fucking mess. He thought of the letter in his pocket and how he could possibly give it to her without her insisting on reading it right away. If he slipped it in her pocket she might not read it for weeks if he was unlucky and it all just seemed so dumb suddenly. "Things aren't good," he admitted. "I need to go away for a little while." He said it as gently as he could and she didn't need to know all the details of what 'not good' entailed but he was sure she'd insist on it anyway so he was already trying to think of a way to put that gently too.
Mila's eyes widened with concern. She knew how things had been the week before but just looking at Adrian told her that "got in my face" was probably an understatement. Especially if he was telling her that he needed to leave. Her chest tightened and Mila had to remember to breathe. Grasping for his hand with her own, she told herself not to beg, but it was hard to resist. It felt like she had only just gotten him back and now he was leaving? "What do you mean? Where are you going to go? For how long?" What if he left and never came back? What if she needed him? Mila was well aware of how selfish that sounded in her head but honestly, she didn't care. She wanted her brother with her.
She looked scared and that was exactly why Adrian hadn't wanted to tell her face to face. He gripped her hand back, idly rubbing her fingers with his thumb as he tried to steel himself against her concern enough to get through this. "There are people out there who helped me once," he told her though helped was probably way too generous. They'd kept him from changing into a monster and that was enough to make up for the other shit they'd put him through. "I'm getting worse, Mila. My control is slipping. If I stay I might hurt someone, I might hurt you." He wasn't answering her questions directly but he didn't have those answers, he could only tell her what he did know. "if it goes well I'll come back and if I can't come back... I'll call you. Okay?"
Mila wanted to assure him that she could help him. Or she would find someone who could. She wanted to beg him not to go because she needed him. For a moment, she wondered if this was just part of her hell, all over again. She got Adrian back and now he was leaving her again. Her fingers tightened around his and she focused on trying to keep her breathing even. Adrian looked so tired and if he was getting worse, maybe he really couldn't stay. "Please come back," she whispered. "I can't do this without you. And I know that's incredibly selfish of me. I don't want to lose you all over again."
Adrian shifted in his seat to face her properly, grabbing her hand with both of his to hold on tight and try to reassure her somehow. He'd known this would be hard, that's why he wrote that stupid letter but this was how it had to be, letters were a shitty way to say goodbye. "You can do this without me," he told her firmly. "You're strong and smart and you're doing so good already. I'll come back when I'm better but you're doing so good. Don't let anyone tell you you're not." It felt too heavy suddenly, too sad so he gave her a little smile. "Nobody but me, I'm allowed to tell you you're a snot faced idiot, but nobody else, okay, squirt?" There was an urge there to remind her of all the times he'd annoyed her, pulled awful pranks on her, told her to get the fuck out of his room anything to let her know she was better off without him but it wasn't like that anymore, they were both so hurt he couldn't imagine pulling a prank ever again.
Mila shook her head as he spoke, trying to hold back the urge to cry. Her eyes burned and she tightened her hold on his hand. Maybe she could do this without him but she didn't want to. She wanted her brother there. "What am I supposed to do if I need you?" she murmured. "What if Aaron needs help? I don't like not knowing where you'll be, Adrian. What if you need me? Can you at least promise me you'll check in? A text or... or something. Please." Mila had so many memories of growing up with Adrian, of their bickering and fights when they were younger. She didn't care about any of those. She knew he loved her, and she loved him too. It felt cruel to finally have him back in her life, to be alive, only to lose him to something else. Mila hated feeling helpless, but she didn't think begging would change his mind.
"I'll call you," Adrian promised her and he would do whatever it took to keep that promise. "I'd stay if it was safe, you know that. I don't want to risk you or Aaron getting hurt, or mom and dad. I need to make sure I won't hurt anyone. I'll come back when I figure out a solution." He knew that was 'if' and not 'when' but no way was he using that language with her, she already looked so upset, he needed to at least pretend to be certain even if he wasn't. "I came back last time," he reminded her, giving her hand a little shake and arching his brows at her a bit pitifully but god he wanted her not to cry, wanted her to understand and manage it.
Mila didn't want to cry. She wanted to be strong, like he believed her to be. But she had a horrible feeling in her gut that if he left, he would never come back. And the last month or so would just feel like a dream to her. Feeling like she might crumple and start sobbing, Mila leaned over the console to hug him, not caring that it was an awkward position. Who knew when she would see him again, and if this was the last time, she wanted to make it count. "Please come back," she whispered, just because she had to make sure he knew how badly she needed him.
"I will," Adrian promised because telling her he'd try just sounded defeatist at this point. He would try, if he went back willingly, worked with the people who understood what was going on with him, maybe they could help him and maybe they'd at least let him call her. It was a lot of maybes and that wasn't something he could share with her right now. She'd be okay, he had to believe that she'd be okay from now on, no more tunnels, Westin had helped him get her out so she wouldn't go back in there, couldn't go back there. The thought that she might while he was gone made his stomach tighten and his throat burn but he swallowed it down and clung to her as he tried to convince himself that she would be okay - that they both would be. "You let Aaron take care of you until I get back, he loves you, so let him, okay?"
The cynical part of her brain nagged, whispering that Adrian was lying. He was leaving and he knew he wouldn't be coming back. She hated that voice. Her arms tightened around him and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to keep the crying to a minimum as not to make him feel worse. Nodding when he mentioned Aaron, Mila finally pulled back, but kept her hand on his arm. "Just... call me... or text... just every now and then, okay? Just so I know you're alive and okay. If I don't hear from you, I'll probably go crazy with worry. Promise." She held up her hand then, offering him her pinky to make him swear on it.
Adrian nodded and he was determined to keep that promise, no matter what it took so he hooked his finger around hers in a solemn swear. "I'm not leaving right away," he told her, arching his brows and offering up a little smile. "So you should treat me to a burger or something, with your shiny new job and all." Maybe she had other plans tonight but he was willing to bet she would postpone them for a little more time. "You look like you could use a milkshake yourself, you know." Something sweet and cool was always a treat for someone who was crying, that much he knew from experience.
Mila managed a small smile, grateful that they still had a little bit of time left with each other. "Moxie's?" If he didn't want to eat inside, for obvious reasons, they could get stuff to go and park at the marina or something to eat. If this was the last night she got to spend with her brother for a while, she wanted to take full advantage of it. Then she would probably call Aaron and cling to him for the rest of the night. "When are you leaving?"
"I don't know," Adrian replied. "When do you need to go to sleep?" Making it obvious he wouldn't leave until she was ready, though he hoped she wouldn't try to stay up all night on his account. "Probably midnight," he amended. "I like driving at night, fewer cars around." He reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear then cupped her face with his hand. "C'mon, you can tell me all about what it's like to work for the D'Onofrios."
Mila managed a laugh. "I don't sleep well most nights, so it's probably better if you don't use that as your timetable. But midnight is okay..." She did have to work tomorrow, after all. Swallowing down the urge to cry again, Mila nodded and glanced at the clock, just to see how much time they had. Taking a deep breath to settle herself, Mila brought her hand up to his for a moment before shifting the car into gear to drive. They could get some food and talk about some stupid stuff before she brought him back to his car. From there, who knew? All she could do was hope he would keep his promise and come back.