Confidant Who: Sera and Caius When: Christmas break 2016, evening Where: Caius's house Warnings: R (language, blunt talk about sex)
After, Sera couldn’t seem to warm up. Once Riley had dropped her off, she’d slipped inside and up the stairs past the warmly lit Christmas tree in the front room, hoping she wouldn’t encounter either of her parents. She didn’t feel like smiling and making conversation, and she was afraid either of them might ask questions she didn’t want to answer. In her bedroom suite, she didn’t turn on any lights as she stripped, grimacing at how gross her underwear felt and probably looked by this point. The only thing she could think of to do was shower as her mind raced.
Sera had very few people to talk to. She wouldn’t share this with any of her friends and definitely not her parents. She’d never thought herself to be a stupid person, but maybe her expectations had been dumb. The only way to find out was to talk to the one confidant she trusted more than anyone else. That plan solid in her mind, she quickly dried off, blew her hair mostly dry and French-braided it and dressed in her PINK sweats and some sneakers. No makeup was necessary to go visit her brother, and she didn’t plan to see anyone else.
She sent a text to her mom to let her know she was going to Caius’s place for a while-- much easier than trying to find her in the depths of their home-- and fled to the garage, backing her Porsche out and turning on the headlights now that it was full dark. It didn’t take that long to get to her brother’s, and she stood at the door waiting after she’d rung the bell.
Christmastime was always a busy season for Caius at the marina, in spite of the foreboding weather. There were boat slips to maintain and events to plan and organize, and all of it always left him feeling worn out and definitely not in the holiday spirit. But he still showed up and smiled and shook hands at his father's side like he'd been expected to do ever since he'd reached manhood. That was just how his life was. The only highlight for him was usually attending a few events with Reagan on his arm. He loved to dance with her, but their lives didn't afford too much opportunity for that.
In any case, he'd had a busy day, and he'd been eager just to go home and put his feet up and have a cocktail, so that was exactly what he was doing. Caius had been caught in a light doze when his doorbell went off and brought him back to reality. He sat up, frowning, and checked his phone, but no one had warned him they were coming over. He was tempted for a few seconds to ignore it completely, but curiosity had him getting up and padding through the living room and foyer into the front hall to answer it.
His thick dark brows lifted in surprise to see his sister standing there, then immediately knitted into concern. "Come in, it's freezing," he murmured, moving back and opening the door wider for Sera. "What's wrong?" It wasn't completely unusual for Sera to come over to his house, but she usually at least texted him first.
There were all kinds of things wrong. Serafina D'Onofrio had expected much better from the loss of her virginity to a hot older guy. It should have been amazing. She'd honestly been drooling for Riley's dick from the moment she'd first seen him, and the whole thing had been so disappointing. She should have stuck to giving blowjobs on the rare occasion she found a guy she was super into.
"Men suck," she replied to her brother's question. "Except for you and occasionally Dad." She flounced through to where the couch was and pitched her small clutch that held her keys and phone onto an end table and sat down, halting herself at the last minute to be more easy about it. Everything hurt down there, and if pushing out a baby was any worse, she didn't want to know anything about it, ever.
That answer shouldn't have been too surprising, considering his sister's age and how attractive she was, but it didn't set Caius's mind at ease too much. He'd been nine when she was born, and that protective instinct that had flared to life the day Miriam had gingerly put Sera into his skinny arms hadn't abated one bit in the years since. If some stupid teenage asshole had been fucking with her ... Caius would have to remind himself that homicide was wrong. Usually.
He closed the door and locked it again, trailing after Sera toward the living room again. Caius knew he kind of sucked too as a man -- at least from a woman's perspective -- so he couldn't really take credit for that one, but it was still nice to hear. "Can't really argue there," he said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning in the doorway to look at her. "You want anything? Water, cocoa, glass of wine?"
Sera was delicately toeing off her shoes so she could pull her socked feet up onto the couch and wrap her arms around her knees. Once she'd done that, she glanced at her brother. "I'd better stick to cocoa since I have to drive home," she said, as much as she'd love a glass of wine. Her parents let her have it at dinner sometimes, and like most other teenagers she drank other places when she knew she wouldn't have to drive. Maybe having some cocoa would help warm her up; the shower hadn't helped as much as she'd hoped.
It was endearingly responsible, and Caius had a little stirring of pride that Sera was that smart about it. He knew she drank even though she wasn’t legal yet, it was just a given these days, and he’d done plenty of it himself. But he definitely didn’t want her out there drinking and driving. Like he had on occasion. Sera had to be smarter than him. Smiling, he straightened up and half-turned away. “Cocoa it is, I’ve even got marshmallows and shit. Then you can tell me all about why men suck.” Caius padded away toward the roomy kitchen to get them both a mug of deliciousness.
Sera might screw up, but she did her best not to do so in a way anyone could call her out on. Wrecking her car and maybe killing herself because she’d been drinking wasn’t worth it. She could be smart about things, but this most recent decision? Not so much. Ugh. “Lots and lots of marshmallows,” she directed, tucking her cold hands into her sleeves. Of course she was going to tell Caius what had happened, even though it would make him cringe. She needed advice and also to know if everyone in the movies and on TV was faking with all that moaning and grinding and panting. If sex wasn’t fun, why were so many people dead set on doing it all the time?
"Gotcha," Caius answered over his shoulder with a chuckle. He didn't even love the things, but cocoa and marshmallows were a staple to have in the cabinet, just in case. For curling up in front of the fireplace with someone. And consoling his upset sister, apparently. Caius made quick enough work of preparing a couple of mugs of hot cocoa -- milk instead of water, of course -- and added a good handful of tiny marshmallows to Sera's oversized mug. He came back and joined her on the couch, offering hers over while he blew a little on his own. He sat a bit sideways, pulling one leg up onto the cushion so he could look at her easier. "So," he said mildly. "Who do I need to castrate?"
Sera took the mug and blew on it, then shifted her position to tuck one foot beneath the opposite knee so she could rest the hot cocoa on her thigh until it cooled a little. A wan smile flickered over her face at her brother's question. "Shit, don't do that. He needs all the testosterone he can get." Sometimes being bitchy made her feel better when nothing else did. She took a shaky little breath, knowing Caius was going to hate this, but since he was her brother he got to hear about all her bullshit. "So let's say, hypothetically, you were going to have sex with someone who never did it before. Would you take them out to the Fallow where everything's creepy to do it in your car?" She didn't know what bothered her most, how painful and not fun the sex had been or Riley's choice of location.
Caius's brow furrowed again as he listened, immediately sure there was nothing hypothetical about this situation. He'd known that Sera was still a virgin, at least as of a few months ago when they'd last talked about sex in general, but it sounded like that wasn't the case anymore ... and it already sounded like whatever idiot she'd given it up to had done it all wrong. "Uhh, no, I would die first," he said without a trace of irony. Caius wrinkled his nose as he gave her an incredulous look. "In his car? Are you kidding? In the Fallow? What the fuck, Sera? Who was this dumbass?"
"I wish I was kidding," Sera said before pausing to take a sip of her hot cocoa. She wished it so much. That just served to illustrate that hot guys were sometimes morons. Green eyes, blond hair, muscles and charm didn't necessarily equal a decent lay; Sera would keep that in mind for the future. "Remember that scene in It Follows where they do it in some abandoned parking lot? It was even worse than that as far as the creepy factor." Mixed in with her discomfort and awkwardness had been some fear about their surroundings, to be honest, especially since it had been close to dusk at the time. She sighed heavily. "No one you know. I'm never planning to see him again anyway. It was really not fun."
Having been a guy his whole life, Caius naturally couldn't completely relate. He'd lost his virginity to Reagan, and vice versa, and even though it had been a bit nerve-wracking and awkward, it had ultimately been fantastic. He knew they were outliers in that regard though, and he'd heard that plenty of women say their first times sucked. It sounded like the jackass Sera had chosen had gone out of his way to make it suck more, though. He felt a bit of indignant anger on her behalf -- how dare some asshole think that car sex in a field was at all worthy of his sister? Especially for her first time? Trying to smother that and be supportive instead, Caius shifted his position a bit to put his arm around Sera's shoulders. "Good," he muttered. "He obviously doesn't deserve to lick the bottom of your Louboutins. I'm sorry he fucked it up for you though."
Sera was aware that her expectations might have been unrealistic. But Riley was so hot, and she'd naively thought that he'd make sure she got off too. But no. He'd seemed a little annoyed that she'd bled, and she'd wanted to tell him that was what happened when a guy jammed his monster dick into someone who'd never had sex before and kept thrusting and thrusting. Unfortunately he hadn't been a premature ejaculator, in this case. The more she thought about it, the more irritated it made her.
When Caius put his arm around her, she leaned her head against his shoulder. "Me too," she murmured. "Maybe I'll choose better next time." A soft sigh escaped her. "It isn't supposed to be awful, right?" she asked, ignoring the fact that her eyelashes had gotten damp.
Caius automatically pressed his lips to Sera's hair for a moment when she settled in closer, breathing in her shampoo. She was a beautiful girl and always had been, and now she was almost all grown up, and it honestly made him angry that someone had done her wrong with something so intimate. That was bullshit, and the guy was probably lucky that Sera didn't want to name him to her big brother. There was a lot Caius could do with just a name. The fact that Sera called it 'awful' made that dark thing that lived in his chest even more pissed. Not just 'not good,' but awful.
"It's not supposed to be awful," he told her, keeping his tone gentle in spite of his own feelings. "It's supposed to be a good, pleasurable thing to share with someone. I mean, when you're first starting out it doesn't always work out perfectly, but if it's gone into 'awful' territory, then someone's doing something really wrong." Caius paused to find more delicate words, then asked, "Did you tell him to stop at any point?"
Sera wasn’t really a crier. She was more of a I’ll beat you senseless with my stiletto heel and I’ll do it with a smile on my face. Something about being this vulnerable had her eyes leaking, though, even if she didn’t make a sound. “No,” she said, her voice perfectly in control. “I wanted to, but I didn’t. I know that doesn’t count.” She knew what her brother was getting at, and Riley hadn’t assaulted her. She’d gone with him willingly, because why the hell else would she be out at the Fallow, of all places? It was creepy. He hadn’t told her where they were going, and she’d still hoped for some hot, explosive sex so she hadn’t complained.
At least it hadn’t turned into rape, even if Sera hadn’t enjoyed it. If that had been the case, Caius really would have to crush a motherfucker’s windpipe. Maybe with his bare hands in that case, not even magic. He gave Sera’s shoulders a gentle squeeze and just hummed a low sound for a moment while his wheels turned. In his mind, it would have ‘counted’ if she’d felt like she’d been violated in any sense, but he didn’t want to go spouting off and upset her any more than she already was. Caius gave her head a soft kiss again. “If it ever turns awful again, say no next time, okay?” he murmured. “You can do that in the middle if you want to stop, it’s your right. I want you to understand that.”
“Okay,” Sera said, unsure if she would do that or not. She was fairly confident, opinionated, occasionally very loud, but it had been intimidating. Getting mostly naked in a car in a creepy place, not knowing 100% what to expect even if she’d watched a million movies and music videos that had made sex seem like the best thing going. Then it had been awkward and a little embarrassing and had hurt more than she’d been prepared for. Riley had seemed very into it, but not that much into her during those moments. “I thought I’d really like it.” She sighed again, blinking and trying to dry up her sudden tear-fest.
Being protective of his little sister had made Caius a bit more sensitive to how women were treated in the world, especially when it came to sex. He knew Sera was a strong young woman who knew her own mind on most things, but sex carried a certain kind of vulnerability with it, especially for girls. And it sounded like some punkass had trampled all over that. But Caius’s ability to relate was limited, so he accepted her ‘okay’ and didn’t push the issue. He made a soft conciliatory sound, his brows drawing together again with sympathy. “You will,” he told her with quiet confidence. “Once you’re with somebody who knows how to do it right.”
“I hope so,” Sera said. What if she was some kind of freak who’d never like sex? She didn’t feel like that would be the case based on how turned on she got giving blowjobs, and yeah… private time had always gone well. It was so different with another person involved. Maybe next time she should pick someone she knew better, she thought. She’d gone at it back-assward, hadn’t she? The problem with Sera was that sometimes she jumped on what she thought was an opportunity and it wasn’t exactly what she’d imagined. She lifted her head and drank some more of her delicious marshmallow-y hot cocoa, which made everything seem marginally better.
Caius wasn’t really sure what other advice to give her, without either of them getting into explicit details. He thought maybe he would bring this up to Reagan the next time he talked to her, to see if she had any wisdom to impart. The two of them had always gotten along well enough, even if they hadn’t gotten close, which had always been a deep relief to Caius. He needed both of them in his life desperately, and that meant they had to at least tolerate each other well. But Reagan probably had a better perspective on sex from the girl’s side than he did, so he made a mental note to ask. In the meantime, he took a swallow of his own cocoa and pondered what else to do to make Sera feel better. “You wanna watch something stupid?” he asked after a moment, giving her a tiny nudge.
Sera glanced in his direction, a faint smirk on her lips. “Like what?” she asked. It wouldn’t really matter what her brother said; she was almost sure to go along with anything he picked. This was what she’d needed: some calm, some talking, some bonding time. Caius was better than anyone else in her life-- except maybe her mother, and that was more than likely a tie-- at giving her what she needed.
Caius hadn’t had anything specific in mind beyond some comedy of some sort. Maybe a cartoon. Just anything that might lift Sera’s spirits and make her forget what had happened to her. “I dunno, let’s see what’s on,” he murmured. He gave her a pat and then leaned away from her to reach for the remote. Settling back with his shoulder against hers, Caius turned the big TV on and started flipping channels. He settled on Cartoon Network, and was glad that Futurama was on. It was light and funny and distracting. He nudged Sera and gave a questioning grunt so she could give her approval or not.
Sera leaned forward to put her half-finished mug on the coffee table and then got more comfortable, shifting herself around as her brother messed with the TV. “Perfect,” she said of his choice. By the time they finished watching, she’d be calm, more relaxed and ready to drive home and hopefully out of the notion of trolling Riley’s Facebook with the fact that he was a terrible lay. That would only make her look petty even if it would make her feel a lot better. She rested her head against Caius’s shoulder, ready and willing to be distracted.