... (itendsinfire) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2020-07-22 11:06:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | #february 2018, caius, caius x reagan, reagan |
Who: Reagan and Caius
When: Evening, end of February, after this
Where: Home in Black Cove
Status: Complete
It had been a fairly normal day for Reagan. As normal as any day could be anymore. She finished up at Belladonna and drove home, not entirely surprised to see that Caius’s car wasn’t in the driveway yet. He had been working a lot, and when he wasn’t working, he was researching, trying to find a way to bring his mother back. Reagan was doing what she could but it had only taken her a couple of weeks to realize the efforts might be futile. It was one thing to deal with magic in this world. It was something entirely different when dealing with another plane of existence. But she knew Caius, and she knew his compulsive nature to fix problems, especially where his family was involved. Reagan admired him for it. If it hadn’t been for Caius, it was possible she would have never regained her magic. The vague memory of a dark figure promising her help for a favor surfaced in her mind, but Reagan quickly dismissed it. Thinking too much about that nightly visitor tended to make Reagan uncomfortable, so it was best that she simply didn’t.
As she waited for Caius to come home, Reagan changed into more comfortable clothing and got a fire started in the hearth before pouring a glass of wine. She craved these brief moments of silence, when she could relax and try to think. Think of a solution, of something that would make all of this better somehow. The town itself felt quiet to her… lighter, in a way. Reagan hadn’t put much thought into why that was, too afraid her speculation would cause something horrible to happen, to throw the town into upheaval again.
When she heard Caius’s car pull into the drive, Reagan sat up a bit on the couch, waiting for her husband to join her.
Caius felt utterly defeated as he pulled his car into the driveway at home. He turned it off with numb fingers and just sat there for a few long moments, staring into space in front of him and letting the cold seep into the car. Miriam D’Onofrio was dead. His mother. Sera’s mother. How was he going to tell his little sister that there was no way Miriam was coming back? It had occurred to him on the drive home, through the haze of misery, that his father might have some trick up his sleeve, some way to pull a solution out of his ass and save the day. But Caius sincerely doubted it. His magic had been useless on the other side of the portal. Magic couldn’t save them this time.
Finally he made himself move, aware that Reagan was inside and probably waiting for him. He climbed out of the car and shuffled away from it, leaving his pack in the back seat. He didn’t need it, none of that bullshit mattered. He went to the door and let himself in, his throat feeling full and raw, his nose still lightly trickling blood. He could see the warm light from the fireplace in the living room and it might’ve made him cry if he didn’t already feel so hollowed out inside. Moving slowly and mechanically, he started taking off his coat and boots.
It took Caius a few minutes to make it inside, so she sipped her wine and waited, though she became a bit more apprehensive with every minute that ticked by without hearing his key in the lock. When she finally did hear him step inside, Reagan set her wine glass down, but when he didn't greet her, as he usually did, she got to her feet, wandering to the hall that led to the front door. Almost immediately Reagan could see the blood around his nose, his face ashen. His eyes alone gave the impression that he had been through hell and back. "What happened?" Reagan moved toward him with purpose now. She might have thought he had gotten into a fight, but she saw no bruising around his nose or eyes. It was something else. Something much worse.
Caius was exactly where he’d wanted to be -- home safe with Reagan -- but he couldn’t help but think about how Miriam would never come home. His father would never meet her at the door with concern ever again. Not that she often got into concerning situations, but things happened. Bad things. Constantly. He could only numbly hope she was already dead and therefore free from all of this darkness. He let his final boot drop and turned to Reagan, aware he probably looked like a mess. His hair was wildly tousled, eyes red rimmed and puffy, his nose still slowly dripping. Caius absently wiped at it with the back of his hand as he couldn’t quite meet his wife’s gaze. She’d told him to stay away from the girl, he belatedly recalled. She was probably going to be pissed. Caius just hoped she would save her anger for later. “It’s over,” he murmured, his voice a bit hoarse. “For Mom. There’s nothing I can do now, I ... I was wrong, and she’s gone.”
Blinking in surprise, it took Reagan a moment to wrap her head around what Caius was telling her. Which, admittedly, wasn't much. "What are you talking about? You found her?" Perhaps, her body, given Caius's words. But if Miriam D'Onofrio had been found, surely Reagan would have heard far sooner than this moment. Caius would have called her as soon as he got the news. Did that mean the others who disappeared had come back? Or maybe they had never been really gone. Maybe they had been scattered, unseen by the search parties. It was such a morbid thought but Reagan reached for Caius's hand, startled by how cold it was. "Tell me what happened, Caius."
Caius nodded. He would tell her, yes. He had to, and he wanted to tell Reagan before he told anyone else. She would let him lose it without judgement. He could cry and scream about the injustice of it all and wail with grief and express the freezing fear in his heart that his father would blame him somehow, say that he hadn’t tried hard enough. He had failed, so it obviously hadn’t been enough. Caius could express all that in theory anyway -- at the moment all of those emotions were muted and distant, save for the emptiness of grief. He gently squeezed Reagan’s hand and gestured for them to move out of the hall and into the living room where they could sit down. He sagged into the couch when he sat, and Caius swallowed thickly before he started. “I found the girl, Jules Cooper. I took her to the woods where it happened. I put up as much protection as I could, and I made her open the portal. I had supplies, I’d prepared ... but it was useless. My magic didn’t work over there, it was just gone. I saw a dead man in a tree and the creatures that live over there, and ... there’s just no chance she survived.” The words were quiet and flat as he focused on just giving the facts first.
While her mind was open, Reagan hadn't been expecting that. He had found the girl and opened that portal again. For a long moment she was stunned, trying to comprehend what Caius had done and the idea that those people might really be dead. There was a mixture of uncomfortable emotions churning inside of her, but Reagan tried to focus on the main point before they got into anything else. "You didn't see her body, did you? Because if you didn't, she could still be alive. Did you see anyone other than that one man?" She was keeping calm for the moment, aware that she hadn't been there so yes, he had better knowledge of the situation than she did. But she was going to grasp any remaining hope and optimism that she could. Miriam could still be alive, although it didn't escape Reagan that Caius could be dead right now, like that man he had seen in the tree. She wondered if he realized that too.
Caius knew she was just hunting for optimism, and while part of him appreciated it, most of him wished she wouldn’t do that. Caius didn’t want to have any hope anymore, it just hurt too much. “No one human,” he muttered, swiping at his nose again. The blood trickle had slowed and he idly wondered if he’d done permanent damage to his brain. “I was in there for maybe a minute, just long enough to realize my magic wasn’t working, and I was getting surrounded by creatures,” he went on, finally looking over at Reagan and hoping she understood. “Even if ... even if she got away from the initial onslaught, I don’t think she could survive long there, and it’s been weeks now, Rea. And even if she’s not dead yet, we have no way to find her if magic doesn’t work there. Those woods are endless and -- and Jules said it was just like Point Pleasant over there but a nightmare version of it, so who knows if she made it to town from the middle of the fucking woods, running for her life --” He cut himself off as his voice rose in intensity, and rubbed both palms over his face, feeling tears burning the backs of his eyes all over again. “I can’t help her,” he said through his palms, the words like a quiet wail. “I tried so hard and I failed.”
Reagan exhaled slowly, his pain piercing deep in her gut. Rarely did Caius break down. He was often too stubborn to admit defeat and it was heartwrenching and unnerving to see him this way. Reagan touched his leg comfortingly, her mind still racing a mile a minute. She didn't want to think that Miriam was truly dead. Or Brianna McCarthy, or Rost's girlfriend. She knew there were others - Deputy Solomon, who had been hurt by those things trying to help Reagan. No, Reagan didn't want to believe they were all lost. At the same time, she was feeling the anger beneath all of the despondency. Caius had gone to that girl, despite Reagan asking him not to. Had Jules Cooper gone willingly? Where was she now? If he was going to do it anyway, he should have called his father, or made some kind of plan. He couldn't do everything on his own, no matter how powerful he thought he was. He could have died, or disappeared into that fog with the others, especially if his magic hadn't been working. He put his life in the hands of a seventeen year old girl. Reagan tamped down on her temper the best she could, struggling to keep her voice calm and even. No matter what Caius had seen, that didn't mean they were all dead. There was hope until there was a goddamn body, if you asked her. "She said it was a nightmare version of Point Pleasant? Maybe your mother did make it to town. Maybe she's with the others, hiding in the buildings. Ty Solomon went missing too and he's a police officer. If she stuck with him, even in that situation, it's possible he knew how to keep her safe. Maybe he had a gun with him. Just because that portal opened in the woods out on Witcham... that doesn't mean there aren't other...doorways around us. Maybe she could open the same portal on Main Street, or the marina. There are still possibilities, Caius. You can't give up."
Caius knew that Reagan was going to be angry with him, he’d known that before he’d even approached Jules Cooper. He was distantly grateful that she was holding off on tearing him a new asshole for being reckless and stupid and going against her wishes, because Caius didn’t think he could handle it tonight. He kept his face covered and held his breath against the sobs that threatened to shake his body, hot tears leaking out against his palms. It made his brain feel like knives. Not only was he a failure, he was a pathetic one at that, and he was glad he’d had the sense not to go to his father first. Caius wanted to be calm when he talked to Anthony, not ... like this. He felt like he was unraveling, and unlike the other problems that they’d faced down in the past year, Caius felt helpless against this one. The solution lay in a completely different dimension, one that he couldn’t easily access and that neutered his power as soon as he stepped into it. Over there he was nothing but another squishy human, surrounded by murderous monsters. It was impossible. Jules had been right, he couldn’t help them. That part put even more cracks in his shattered pride. Caius heard everything Reagan said, and he wanted her to just shut up and believe him when he said it was over, but he couldn’t blame her. He’d been nearly feverish with hope and plans and the drive to make it happen, but now all that energy was gone from him. Caius took a hitching, congested breath and shook his head. “She won’t,” he said through his hands. “She won’t open another one. I had to f-force her to do it this time, and I c-can’t do it again.”
Reagan nearly asked how he had forced the girl to open that portal but she bit back the question. Instead she closed her eyes and took a breath. Caius needed her to be there for him, not to lose her mind over his questionable choices. That would come later. But if he had scared Jules, or threatened her, it wasn't likely the girl would willingly help them. Maybe Reagan could talk to her. She had always been a bit more personable than Caius. It really just depended on how much damage had been done. But she could worry about that later. With a soft sigh, Reagan stood and moved to sit on the edge of the coffee table in front of her husband. Then she curled her fingers around his wrists to pull his hands from his face so she could look at him. "You said magic doesn't work over there. So we readjust our thinking and try to come at it from another angle. I can talk to the girl if you want me to, maybe she'll give us another chance. But if you think it's useless, Caius, then I'll let it go. I'll do whatever you need me to do."
Really, it was likely that he should have made Reagan their ambassador from the beginning. She was more personable, and she would better understand and relate to a teenage girl than he ever could. Hell, Jules probably even shopped at Belladonna. But Reagan had wanted him to stay away from Jules, so he had dismissed that idea out of hand. He’d been trying to wait for news from his father, but there had been no progress that Caius could see, and he felt sure that Miriam was in danger and they needed to act quickly. He just hadn’t known how much danger. She was probably dead and eaten weeks ago. The thought made his stomach churn. He let Reagan pull his hands down and looked at her, his tear-streaked and puffy cheeks making him look more soft and childlike than he would’ve been comfortable with. He’d just wanted his mother back, that was all. He gazed blearily at his wife and swallowed. “I dunno, I don’t know what I need,” he mumbled. “I went to Jules’s house a while back to ask her nicely and she refused. Vehemently. So ... I influenced her, to make her do it.” He made a vague gesture toward his head. “It went very, very badly. Not ‘the whole town’s in danger again’ bad, but it could’ve been. Then I made her forget the whole thing and sent her home. I should’ve listened to her. I should’ve ...” he trailed off, his face starting to crumple again. Caius looked at the ceiling and took a deep breath. “She won’t do it. If there's another way in, I haven’t found it. And my father hasn’t told me anything. I don’t know what he’s doing, why he’s not even trying to find Mom, I would’ve torn the fucking veil apart with my bare hands for you!” He couldn’t help the way his voice rose and cracked with emotion. He couldn’t understand it, and if he couldn’t fix it himself, he felt entirely lost.
Reagan was full of conflicting emotions. She didn't agree with how Caius went about getting Jules to do what he wanted her to do, but at the same time, she knew he had been desperate. Was desperate. And Reagan felt like she ought to let it go now. Accept Miriam was gone and start the mourning process. But it physically pained her to see Caius this way. Yes, she worried about the long term effects influencing another with his mind could have on him, but surely he wouldn't use it unless absolutely necessary. "You said you made her forget, right? So there's a chance she might say yes, if I talk to her. Or... or you influence her again to open another doorway, somewhere in town. If there is one, surely she would know, or... maybe her ability would know." Reagan had no idea what the girl could do beyond what Caius had told her. But she was trying to find solutions where there may not be one. She just wanted to make sure there was no rock left unturned before they gave up. "I don't know what to tell you about your father, Caius. For all we know, he is looking. Maybe he doesn't want to get your hopes up... or maybe he knows what you know and he can't bring himself to tell you. You should speak to him, tell him what happened. If he knows something, surely he'll tell you."
Caius nodded a bit -- he did plan to talk to his father. It was possible that Anthony was doing something on his own and it just hadn’t come to fruition yet. Unfortunately, Caius thought it was also possible that Anthony was doing nothing at all and just letting time go by so Miriam stayed gone. He didn’t know a ton about the inner workings of his parents’ marriage, but he did know that Miriam was not the person Anthony had been magically bonded to. He’d been affected by the family curse too as a young man, and he’d told Caius that he’d been in love with Veronica Kelly. Was he still? Would he see this as a convenience instead of a tragedy, especially now that the curse was broken? Caius didn’t know for sure, and that was damning enough. Love had never seemed important to his father, but Miriam had always been there before. Caius swallowed thickly as he looked at his wife, appreciating on one level that she was trying to help, but not feeling any sparks of hope from what she said. “I made her forget what we did in the woods, but not the first time I approached her,” he mumbled to make that clear. Jules had been adamant about saying no then, he wasn’t sure her opinion would change for Reagan. “As for forcing her again ... I don’t know, Rea. It’s not ... it was a lot of work to do it when her will was so set against it. I don’t know if I can puppet her around all over town and still have energy for the protective wards and making her forget. And I don’t know how many times I can cover it up in her brain without damaging her, or me. It hurt. She’s not normal.” He grimaced again. “And besides all that, if magic doesn't work over there at all, I have no idea how to find Mom before either I get killed by one of those things, or they all invade our side again.”
It did sound like a lot was stacked against them. And it didn't sound like there was much they could do now, at least not with Jules Cooper. Reagan didn't want Caius to damage the girl or himself. Maybe he only had one shot and that was that. Having to depend on Anthony now was probably just another kick in the gut because Reagan had never known her father in law to help anyone unless it benefited himself. One would think that his wife disappearing would kick his ass into action but Reagan had long since stopped trying to understand Caius's father. If he hadn't been willing to help Caius regain his memories of her, why on earth would she expect him to do anything for Miriam? As terrible and selfish as it was, Reagan didn't want Caius to go into that place unarmed. Without his magic to protect him, what hope did he have to survive? She wasn't going to lose him and yes, she was willing to sacrifice Miriam if it meant keeping Caius alive. Reagan scooted forward on the coffee table and slipped her arms around his neck, pulling him forward to hold him for a moment. "I'm sorry this happened," she murmured.
There were still some things to do, like asking his father what he was doing, if anything, but Caius couldn’t shake the feeling that it was over. That he’d exhausted all of the options and failed to make a difference. Maybe that was his own lack of imagination, maybe he was just burned out, he didn’t know. He didn’t know much of anything at the moment except his head hurt a lot and he was so tired. It felt like the town had been relentlessly trying to destroy him and his family for months on end, and it had finally found something that succeeded. Maybe if this had happened first when he was still fresh, he could’ve done something more, but as it was ... Caius didn’t have any fight left. That was how he felt as he leaned into Reagan’s embrace anyway, pressing his face against the crook of her shoulder and wrapping his arms loosely around her. He was grateful for the gentle comfort, even as part of him hated that he needed it. He didn’t cry anymore, just shut his eyes and breathed in her familiar scent and tried not to think. He needed rest, whether it refreshed his dogged determination or not. “I need a shower, I feel contaminated,” he murmured after a long few moments. “Then sleep.” Caius didn’t move yet, though.
Reagan slid her hand into the hair at the back of his head, stroking with her fingertips as he rested against her. The deep-seated sparks of temper had dulled into mere gratefulness that he was still there, and alive. He could have been swept into that place or killed the moment Jules opened that portal. And if that had happened, would Reagan have ever known what happened? Exhaling softly, Reagan closed her eyes, listening to the exhaustion in his voice before she nodded once. "You should definitely get some rest," she told him, pressing her cheek to his. "Do you need me to run interference on the girl? Are you sure she's forgotten?" The last thing they needed was a teenage girl, especially one from Overlook, creating problems for them. The D'Onofrio name was a powerful one, but it still made her nervous.
All of the ways it could have gone worse would surely occur to Caius later. What he’d done was reckless and probably cruel to the girl, but he still felt like he’d done what he had to do. And now he knew the answer, even if he didn’t like it. As for Jules, he never wanted to see or think about her again, but Caius knew that probably wasn’t realistic. “Try to check if you want,” he told her, not sounding like he cared much. “I don’t know how to be sure.” If she hadn’t forgotten and was just acting like she had, Caius had no way of knowing. At least not until the police came knocking on his door or something. He was fairly certain that nothing would actually happen to him, but he didn’t want to deal with that sort of hassle either. Especially not now. Caius mustered up the strength to lift his head and look at Reagan, one hand coming up to cup the side of her face. He couldn’t imagine losing her to a place like that, it hurt too much to even think about. He leaned in to kiss her softly. “I love you,” he murmured. “I’ll be upstairs.” Caius needed to get clean but he also felt like he needed to be alone with his grief for a while, to let it sink in.
Reagan wasn't entirely sure how to check to make sure Jules Cooper's memory of the incident had been wiped, but she would do what she could. Knowing what the girl could do now, Reagan didn't want an angry, hormonal teenage girl coming around, trying to send her husband to some awful, alternate dimension. It was such an odd, surreal thing to think, but it was a possibility now and Reagan needed to nip it in the bud real fast. Reagan's hands fell to his legs, right above his knees and she squeezed comfortingly before nodding. "I'll check on you in a bit," she told him, aware that he would want to be alone for a while. Even if Reagan couldn't do much for him right now, she could give him that much.
He was dimly grateful for her being there, knowing that she would always back him up, even if she didn’t agree with his actions. Caius knew she hadn’t this time, but he was thankful she’d kept it to herself. So much of marriage seemed to be about timing, especially in their world. He nodded and stood up, carefully moving around her legs so he could head for the stairs. A long hot shower would do him good. He felt like remnants of that place were still clinging to him, like the air had infected his clothes and gotten into his hair. Being stuck there ... it was too awful to think about. That wasn’t going to stop his imagination though, so Caius stopped by his upstairs office to grab a strong drink before he went to their master bathroom and shut the door.