Chris Washburn (fireonice) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2020-07-10 18:41:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | #march 2018, chris, chris x kenzie, kenzie |
Who: Kenzie and Chris
When: Early evening, Tuesday, March 20
Where: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: complete
Leaving Point Pleasant felt strange. Kenzie had spent a lot of her career traveling. She had spent months here and there in various cities and towns, depending on the kind of activity that was being reported. But by the end, she was always ready to get back to Atlanta, and her own space. But this time it felt different. She found she had gotten used to the town with all of its oddities and abnormalities. Her room in Juniper had been comfortable, an old building with secrets of its own. And maybe she had gotten used to sharing a bed with someone else. She and Chris had been working, yes, but the extra companionship had definitely made the job more tolerable.
But after the windstorm in January, things had gone quiet. Kenzie and Chris dug into the mystery of the missing people on Witcham Road but eventually it had grown too big for just two agents to handle. The black goo had been proof of Something Else. Something their superiors had never seen before. More testing needed to be done, but as most of the unusual activity in Point Pleasant had seemingly disappeared, there was no reason to waste more resources by having their agents stationed there.
So they were finished in Point Pleasant, at least for the time being. After checking out of Juniper they drove their rental car to the airport. Their flight had no layover, which was nice and they arrived back in Atlanta shortly after six-thirty. Kenzie was starving by the time they got their luggage and headed for the long term parking. Given they both lived near each other, Chris had driven them to the airport last December. Kenzie breathed in the balmy air. As much as she had enjoyed Point Pleasant, it was nice to be in the south again and away from the brisk, Maine winter.
“Want to grab a bite on the way home?” Kenzie asked, lifting her suitcase to slip into his trunk. “I’m starving and I have zero groceries waiting for me at home.”
Chris hadn’t been sad to leave Point Pleasant, exactly, but he had been getting used to the place and was still pretty fascinated with it. There was so much going on under the surface ... but that was just it, it had stayed under the surface for weeks. The Foundation had decided they were best used elsewhere. Chris was sure they weren’t done with Point Pleasant, but there was no guarantee that he and Kenzie would be the agents sent back at any time, so he knew he had to let it go. It wouldn’t be easy, though.
The drive to Bangor and the flight back to Atlanta had gone smoothly enough. Somewhere along the way Chris had decided to invite Kenzie back to his place once they landed. They didn’t have to report back to work for a day or two, and he wanted to squeeze in some time with her before they were possibly assigned to different parts of the country. The turnover time at headquarters was never very long, and being partnered up together was never promised.
He glanced over at her as she loaded her stuff into his car, then followed suit with his own bags. “Sure,” he said. “I’m ready for a shower though, wanna just grab something to go and eat at my place?” Chris closed the trunk and hit the button on his keyfob to unlock the car doors. It was a casual sounding offer, but he was already looking forward to Kenzie joining him in that shower.
It was instinctual to want to say yes. She had been around or with Chris for three months or so and she had gotten used to his company. If they were still in Point Pleasant there wouldn't have even been a question as to whether or not she would join him in his room... and probably the shower. But they were back in Atlanta now. Their assignment was over. Kenzie didn't answer until they were both in the car and buckling up.
"I should probably get back to my apartment," she said. "I've got to unpack and check in on some things." Kenzie paused briefly and glanced at Chris. "It's going to be strange to get back into a normal routine here. More so than it usually is."
During the stretch of seconds before Kenzie answered, Chris realized she was going to say no, and his stomach dropped a little with disappointment. The feeling surprised him a tiny bit. He started up the car once they were in and backed out of the parking space. It totally made sense that she wanted to go home, of course it did, they’d been gone for a long time. “Yeah, sure,” Chris said casually enough. His mind was already gearing up into overthinking, however. When she said back to normal, what did that mean? Just in a work sense or in a them-sense? “But yeah, don’t think I’ve been on assignment that long in a few years at least. Gonna be an adjustment. If they give us time to adjust.”
"Don't count on it," Kenzie said with a soft laugh. She was guessing they would have enough time to answer questions from their superiors and turn in their final reports before they were reassigned. It was going to be strange partnering up with someone who wasn't Chris. Strange seemed to be the word of the day for her. As they drove, Kenzie glanced at Chris. "Thanks for making the last few months tolerable," she said before correcting herself. "More than tolerable. I think I would have lost my patience there if I had been partnered up with anyone else." Frankly, what she really meant was that she would have been lonely. She had loved Chris's company. He made her a better agent, and it had been nice to feel desired for a while.
The idea of Kenzie being partnered up with anyone else rubbed Chris the wrong way anytime he thought about it. It wasn’t exactly jealousy -- he was pretty certain she wasn’t going to fuck any other agent partners -- but it was close. Hanging around Juniper with her, peeling back the layers of Point Pleasant and having incredible sex in their off-time, had been the best period of his life in quite a while. Definitely better than ‘more than tolerable.’ Chris wasn’t looking forward to going back to his sparse, stale-air apartment alone. He just wasn’t sure how to tell Kenzie that. She sounded kind of relieved to be home, she had stuff to do ... was it just back to work now, like none of it ever happened between them? “It definitely would’a been more boring,” he agreed with a faint smile, glancing over at her. “So, uh ... thanks to you, too.” His brow flexed a tiny bit, because that felt weird to say. ‘Thanks for the temporary semi-relationship’? Ugh. After a beat, he murmured, “Hope we can do it again sometime.”
The air in the car felt awkward all of a sudden. There seemed to be a lot of unspoken things between them, but Kenzie wasn't entirely sure how to approach it. They had agreed that the sex was solely while they were in Point Pleasant, hadn't they? Kenzie tried to think back on their discussion about it, but she couldn't quite remember. The fog incident, among other things, sort of clouded her memory. It felt so long ago, even if it had only been a couple of months. Kenzie thought about mentioning it, but then she realized she would feel incredibly stupid if Chris laughed it off. They had kept things casual and she had never gotten the impression from Chris that he felt anything for her beyond physical attraction and respect. "I'm sure they'll pair us up again soon," Kenzie said finally. "We work well together." Even that sounded lame coming out of her mouth, but she wasn't entirely sure what else to say that wouldn't make all of this awkwardness even worse. At least for her. There was a reason she didn't sleep with co-workers and she was definitely feeling it now.
Chris hadn’t meant to put any expectations on whatever was between them. He was pretty sure he hadn’t meant to, anyway. It was supposed to just be a fun distraction while they were stuck in a tiny remote location ... right? He was struggling to remember if they’d explicitly talked about that himself, but even if they had, it didn’t line up with how Chris felt now. Inviting Kenzie over with the intent to do more relationshippy stuff with her had felt totally natural and he’d stupidly assumed she would say yes just as naturally. Apparently they hadn’t been on the same page, and if he wanted more than she did, he was the one who was going to end up disappointed. How was he still that big of a dumbass, he wondered. “Damn right we do,” he agreed in a quiet, distracted sort of way. Chris knew just talking to Kenzie was an option, but he was tired from the trip and Point Pleasant in general, and he wasn’t keen on humiliating himself by confessing feelings while he was stuck in a car with her. So Chris just tried to push it all away, like so many other things. Kenzie didn’t want him beyond what she’d already had, time to start accepting that and getting over it. “What uh, what kinda food do you want?”
She hadn't been involved with a man in a really long time but Kenzie felt like she had taken a wrong step somewhere. Having worked with him for a long time now, Kenzie had a fairly good read on Chris, and being with him in Point Pleasant for several months had only deepened that, or so she believed. Maybe he thought that they wouldn't be hanging out as much anymore. Or that their friendship would revert back to what it had been before, full of antagonism and mild flirting. Kenzie didn't think that was the case, given everything they had gone through together in that town. The question about food threw her for a moment and she blinked, giving him a blank look before remembering she had said she was hungry. "Oh. I don't know. A burger is fine." Kenzie paused. "Are you all right?"
Burgers were easy and had lots of drive-thru options, so Chris was good with that. He started looking around for something on their way. It was at least mildly distracting from the bit of heaviness that had settled in his chest. Even with someone who should understand him the most, he couldn’t get it right. It was his own damn fault. Maybe he was just tired and pouty, maybe putting distance between them was for the best considering their work lives, Chris didn’t know. It just sucked, he’d felt like they really had something worth continuing. “Hm?” he hummed as he glanced over at her. Chris had heard her perfectly well, of course. He conjured up a little smile. “Yeah, just tired, I guess.” He spotted a decent enough fast food place and slowed the car to turn into the parking lot.
To Kenzie, just tired sounded more like I'm fine which was generally an excuse to brush off admitting to the fact that something was wrong. It was becoming more obvious to her that maybe Chris was disappointed that their sexual relationship had to end, now that they were back in Atlanta. But there wasn't really any other option. They would be back at work, where they would be observed by superiors and colleagues. There was a good possibility that one, or both of them, would be reassigned and sent off for several more months elsewhere, with other people. Not to mention the fact that if anyone caught onto the fact that they were sleeping together, they would no longer be allowed to be partners. Kenzie felt like she ought to explain all of that to him, but he hadn't told her that was the issue and she didn't want to embarrass herself, or irritate him, by assuming that it was. Taking a breath, Kenzie waited until they had ordered their food in the drive thru before she glanced at him. "I really don't want to lose you as a partner, Chris."
Chris immediately felt a flash of irritation that he didn’t like. Kenzie was perceptive and knew him pretty damn well by now, and he was sure she was noticing the reaction he couldn’t keep completely hidden. He just didn’t want to talk about it, especially not right then, while they waited for their greasy food he wasn’t even hungry for anymore. Chris’s jaw jutted forward a bit and he pressed his tongue against the back of his teeth. “You’re not gonna lose me,” he said after a beat, glancing over at her too. “I’m not goin’ anywhere.” He knew all of the reasons they couldn’t exactly be a couple, and he couldn’t really argue against any of them. Their lives were what they were. They were both too dedicated to the work to do anything else. He’d just thought ... no, he didn’t know what he’d thought. It was a stupid thought anyway, whatever it was. He felt like he should say more, explain himself, tell her how he felt, but none of it would come up past the block in his throat. Chris had told her it wouldn’t be weird and now he’d made it so and he didn’t know how to turn it around, back toward non-weirdness. He pulled forward when the car ahead of them moved, muttering his thanks to the girl in the window as he took their bags and drinks and handed them off to Kenzie.
Deep in the pit of her stomach, she knew that wasn't true. It was strange, but it was like she could already feel him pulling away somehow. Kenzie took the bags of food from him, already imagining work, how they would probably say hello in the halls and that would be it. Would he want to hang out after work? Would he call? She almost wanted to ask but Kenzie realized how desperate that would probably sound. They had always been colleagues and occasional partners but now she considered him a friend. What if that was gone too? It wasn't really like Kenzie to not talk when something was on her mind, but she didn't want to push Chris and trigger a fight. Not right after they had gotten home. And maybe she was reading too much into it. Maybe she was looking for something that wasn't there. "All right," she said finally, because she wasn't sure what else to say. He didn't seem to be in a talking mood, so it was probably best to let it go.
Chris didn’t know how things would play out yet, how they might change. He and Kenzie still had some collaborative work to do on their reports about Point Pleasant, and maybe he would get a different vibe from her then, but he didn’t know. She’d always been intensely practical, and maybe that was all any of this had been about -- practicality. They’d been in an unusually high-stress place, and they’d found comfort in each other’s company. The explosive sex was just a human part of that, he guessed. It didn’t have to mean anything, and just because it had to him didn’t mean Kenzie felt the same. He didn’t want to lose her either, but if he wanted more than she did, that was kind of inevitable, at least in some capacity. Chris hadn’t thought about his divorce consciously in quite a while, but something about the rejection he felt at the moment was familiar. Stupid. He knew he ought to communicate, talk to Kenzie and see what she was thinking, how they should conduct themselves now, but he didn’t want to, not yet. He stayed quiet as he pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward Kenzie’s apartment building.
It was killing her not to speak. Not to press Chris into talking to her about whatever it was that was wrong. But she got the sense that he didn't want to talk and Kenzie didn't want to part ways angry at each other. Still, it drove her crazy to be in such a confined space with him with so much heavy silence between them. Years ago she’d briefly had a boyfriend who she argued with frequently. He had always been the type to need time and space when they were angry, where Kenzie had always needed to talk things out and deal with the issue right away. It had driven him crazy at the time. But Chris wasn't her boyfriend. She couldn't even entertain the idea that he had wanted to be. They had never talked about it and she had never gotten the impression that he had felt anything deeper for her than what they were doing. Kenzie tried to think of something to talk about, something that might bring him out of whatever funk he was in. Maybe she was reading too much into it. Maybe he was just tired. Traveling could be exhausting. And as they neared her building, Kenzie realized she was running out of time. But she couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't likely to irritate him. Chris didn't like to be pushed and while that generally didn't stop her, it certainly felt like the wrong thing to do at the moment.
There was part of Chris that was telling him he was an idiot, that all he had to do was open his mouth and tell Kenzie how he felt so they could at least have all their cards on the table. But the other, bigger part of him that was concerned with self-preservation said no. She’d told him all she needed to say without speaking, and he just needed to accept that and move on. They could still be partners, they could still be friends, and maybe eventually they could still fuck each other, but him wanting anything more than that was stupid. Chris didn’t like the heavy silence either, painfully aware that he was making things awkward as hell. His hand twitched at one point to reach for the radio and turn it on so it wouldn’t be so quiet in the car, but that seemed like it would make everything worse, so he didn’t. Feeling frozen, he just drove and tried unsuccessfully not to look like he was stewing. He needed home, privacy, a bottle of something strong, and his own bed. He didn’t say anything more until he was pulling into the parking lot of Kenzie’s building. Chris found a spot near the main door and glanced over at her. “Want a hand with your bags?” he asked in a murmur.
She had a couple pieces of luggage in the trunk, plus her food, but Kenzie had a feeling Chris was more than ready to go so she gave him a smile and shook her head. "If you can just pop the trunk, I'll grab my stuff. Thanks for driving." It was probably the most basic thing she could say without it turning into something else. Kenzie unbuckled her seat belt and grabbed her shoulder bag before pushing open the door. "I'll see you at work?" Obviously she would, since they still had a few things to do regarding Point Pleasant, but maybe she wanted Chris to know that she was still looking forward to seeing him. Even if it wasn't in the manner they had gotten used to.
His sense of being a gentleman overrode his desire to run, and Chris unbuckled himself too and opened his door. “Lemme just ... help get it all out,” he muttered. She had her hands full of food, after all. He punched the button to pop open the trunk and climbed out, leaving his door open as he walked around to at least help tug Kenzie’s bags out of the trunk. He didn’t want to be a dickhead, he really didn’t. Once all her luggage was accessible, Chris gave her a fleeting glance, then moved in closer to give her a one-armed hug. If they were friends, that wasn’t so weird, was it? Even if it felt awkward because he wanted to be kissing her instead. “See you at work,” he answered belatedly, pulling back to give her a wan half-smile.
The hug was a little unexpected and maybe a little awkward, but she supposed it was better than Chris just dumping her luggage and taking off. Kenzie just wanted to know what was wrong, and if she had said something she shouldn't have. But it felt too late to ask him now and Kenzie wasn't sure he would actually tell her the truth if she did. After Chris pulled away, Kenzie slid one of her bags over her shoulder and grabbed the handle of her luggage to start pulling it toward her apartment building. "Bye Chris," she said, because there didn't seem to be anything else to say.
Chris knew he would get over it. He’d shrugged off rejection before, he could do it again. Granted, it had never been from a colleague, or someone he’d just spent a couple intimate months with, so there were extra layers there, but ... whatever. He was a big boy, he could handle it. It was just one of those things. “Bye Kenz,” he replied. Chris watched her walk away until she’d made it safely into the building, then sighed at himself and climbed back into his car. Time to go back home to his own empty apartment, swig a fifth of something, and go to sleep.