Who: Jai and Zach When: 10 years ago, summer, evening Where: PP beach, the Fallows, home Warning: semi-NSFW Status: complete
Zach was restless. He probably should’ve been tired, since he’d been out hanging with friends all day long, and he’d just eaten a decent dinner, but he wasn’t. He still felt that nastiness in his limbs, and he wanted to be out of the house. Away from parents, even though his dad and Anika weren’t the shitty kind. It was summer, the weather was amazing, and he wasn’t ready to be cooped up inside for the night yet. He’d spent some time in the bathroom, picking at pimples on his face and examining how hidden the slight curves of his hips were in his oversized shirt, but those things only served to make him feel more squirmy and anxious inside. He needed to be out burning off energy somehow.
He and his brother shared a bathroom between their bedrooms, and he turned toward the door on his brother’s side. Zach could tell that Jai wasn’t in the middle of jerking off or anything -- not that he would’ve minded walking in on such activities, but that was a secret he was still trying to keep close to his chest -- so he didn’t hesitate to reach for the door handle. Knock knock, bitch, he announced himself through their mental connection. Zach didn’t give him any time to respond before he opened the door and walked in. He flopped onto Jai’s bed, sighed heavily, and announced, “I’m bored.”
Jai wasn't jerking off but he was still sprawled on his bed, feeling lazy as he exchanged flirty texts with Lissa Moore. They'd shared a few classes together at school and fooled around a couple of times, but he wasn't entirely sure what that meant, if anything. Really, Jai didn't care if it didn't mean a damn thing, but she was cool to talk to and he had nothing better to do, so at least he wasn't bored.
When he heard Zach's voice in his head, he merely grunted as he thumbed in a response to Lissa, aware that Zach wouldn't necessarily hear him, but what did that matter? He was aware of his brother's presence in a very vague way now - the mattress jostled a bit beneath him when Zach flopped down on the bed to join him - but Jai ignored him until he was finished sending his text. Only when he rested his phone against his bent knee did he finally grace Zach with his attention. "That's fascinating news, Z, thanks for the update. What do you want me to do about it?"
Zach turned his head and lifted his chin enough to look at Jai and rolled his eyes. Then he rolled himself over onto his stomach, propped up on his elbows and feet swaying in the air. “I want you to entertain me, duh,” he said lightly. “Let’s go do something.” He was probably being the pesky little brother or something, but Zach didn’t care. He’d barely seen Jai all day, and he was really itching to get out of the house with company again. It was less fun to wander around alone. Not to mention, Zach wasn’t really scared of the town, but he knew enough about it to know that a buddy system was a good thing, especially after dark. Jai’s phone buzzed again and Zach glanced at it, then back to him. “Who are you talking to?”
Jai was torn. On one hand, it was summer and it felt wrong somehow to sit at home all night texting some girl when he could be with said girl having a lot more fun. On the other hand, he liked just lounging around and being lazy too. But Zach looked bored and eager to get out and Jai had a car, so... His phone buzzed, jerking him out of his internal debate and he grabbed his phone, like Zach might beat him to it somehow. "Lissa," he said simply, eying Zach before he checked her message. "Where'd you want to go? I don't have enough gas to just drive around for shits and giggles, so if you got a destination in mind, we'll go."
He felt a flash of annoyance when Jai’s phone went off again, though that was totally unfair and dumb. His brother was older and hot and so of course he had girls talking to him all the time. Zach sometimes sullenly wondered if Jai would like him better if he was really a girl, but those were also dumb thoughts to have. They were brothers -- half brothers, but still -- and that was that. Didn’t mean he didn’t want attention though. Zach boosted himself up and pulled his knees in so he was kneeling on the bed, both eyebrows raising. He’d kind of wanted to drive around for shits and giggles, but if that was off the table, he could pick a place, sure. “The beach? I wanna go walk around somewhere.”
Jai didn't really flaunt his sex life in front of Zach, or anyone for that matter. It didn't feel like something to brag about though he was goaded into giving details to his friends from time to time. It just was what it was. Not a lot of people knew that it wasn't just girls that he liked fooling around with. That wasn't something he was necessarily hiding either. He just didn't make it a point to announce it to everyone. His dick, his business. Jai smirked a bit at Lissa's last text and he sent her a quick response, simply because he knew Zach would get impatient soon enough and if they were going to go hang out somewhere, he'd rather Zach not be in a pissy mood. Lowering his phone, Jai sighed as dramatically as he could, just so Zach would know how inconvenienced he felt... even if he didn't really. "Okay, fine. The beach. We'll see if we can get a look at the boy in the water." A Point Pleasant myth, of course, but there were enough mysterious drownings at the beach that Jai tended to think something was in the water, always waiting for someone new to drag under. "You ready to go now?"
Zach grinned and shoved playfully at Jai’s raised knee. “I’m about to be a boy in the water,” he joked, unable to resist any opportunity to call himself a boy. Because he was. Nevermind that the water was way too cold to swim in, and Zach didn’t want to drag anyone to their watery graves. Maybe he could just get his feet wet or something. He was more than ready to go, so he bounced up off of Jai’s bed and headed for the door. “Just gotta get my shoes, but yeah!” If Jai wasn’t ready yet, Zach was going outside anyway to climb a tree or something. He was just dying to be in the fresh air again, doing something. Without waiting to see if Jai was even getting up, Zach bounced back to his room to get his sneakers on.
"You're not getting in the water," Jai called after him. It was warm outside, but the water was still too cold to actually swim. He only ever went up to his knees when he was with friends and even that left him with goosebumps most of the time. He sure as hell didn't want to have any close encounters with dead boys in the water either. And since Zach had run off to get his shoes, Jai sat up, sent one last text to Lissa, and then got out of bed to shove his feet into his boots. Grabbing his keys from his dresser, Jai headed downstairs to let their dad know where they were going. His parents were in the den watching some black and white movie and all he saw was his dad's handwave from the couch so Jai knew it was all right. If it had been a school night he probably would have gotten some pushback but... summer meant freedom. He found Zach waiting by the door. "Try not to do anything dumb tonight, 'cause if you drown or disappear I'll probably get grounded for the rest of the summer." He pushed Zach lightly while heading for the door.
Zach had been in the water before, always briefly, but even that summer he’d taken a dunk or two in the ocean. He loved the smell and the bigness of it, and even if it made him shiver for half an hour afterward, sometimes he just had to do it. He assumed Jai would take care of the parental communication, and he smirked softly as he heard that happen in the den while he waited by the door. Zach grinned and elbowed Jai on his way past, giving a derisive scoff. “The real tragedy,” he said, rolling his eyes. He followed his brother out the door, the first big breath of fresh air already making him feel better, despite having been out in it most of the day. Zach trotted to the passenger side of Jai’s car and climbed in. He couldn’t wait to be able to drive the following year, craving the kind of freedom his big brother had. Before Jai was even in his seat, Zach reached over to start messing with the stereo, wanting music with his motion and fresh air. The sun coming in through the windows made the inside of the car nice and warm, and he rolled his window down and got comfortable. “So what did you do all day? Just been a lazy ass?”
"Hey!" Jai slapped Zach's hands from his stereo. "Dude, come on. My car, my music." Honestly, he didn't care if Zach picked the music, but he had to make a show of it anyway. Exert his dominance and all that shit. At least in his own car. As he pulled out of the driveway, Jai shot his brother a Look. "You know, I can still kick your skinny ass out of my car and go to the beach myself. But for the record, I was not a lazy ass all day. I did stuff." He was aware that he sounded defensive, probably because he had been pretty lazy today. But it was summer and summer was meant for laziness. At least until he got a job. "I helped mom with laundry, so... there's that. I hung out with Cooper and Jake. And I took a long ass nap. What did you do all day?"
Zach responded to the hand-slapping with some flapping gestures of his own, smirking a bit. That was just how they were with each other. “You didn’t even wanna go to the beach before I suggested it, so fuck that,” he bantered back. “And wow, you did two whole things, I’m proud of you. I saw like, ten different people, went shopping, ate at Moxie’s, wandered around the marina. Bobby Gibson had plenty of gas.” Zach flashed Jai a grin as he crossed his arms loosely across his stomach. He wasn’t that skinny, was he? All the wrong places seemed full of fat whenever he looked in a mirror. It made him upset sometimes. Jai didn’t mean anything by it though, Zach knew that. He was just being a dick. “I saw Chase Matheson while we were out and he totally said hi to me.”
"Oh, did he totally say hi to you?" Jai rolled his eyes and snorted. "And congratulations on having an active social life. Maybe you should be going to the beach with Bobby Gibson, unless he's out of gas now because he drove your ass all over the damn place." He turned out of the neighborhood, heading for the beach. He kind of wished he had grabbed two of his dad's beers out of the fridge for them to share. Damn. Maybe next time. "For the record, Chase Matheson is a douche. But I guess if that's your thing..." Jai shrugged and bit back the urge to smirk. Chase Matheson wasn't a douche, but what kind of brother would he be if he didn't give Zach shit about the guys he crushed on.
“Must be my thing, since I like you and you’re the biggest douche in the universe,” Zach countered with a shrug. “At least he’s not a snoozefest like Lissa Moore.” He said her name with a mocking high-pitched lilt and rolled his own eyes. He didn’t know that, he’d never actually talked to Lissa Moore. She was older than him, like Jai, and most of the older kids were too cool to acknowledge his existence, at least to his face. Maybe they talked about him to Jai ... but Zach was at least sure that his brother wouldn’t let anybody talk shit about him. “You’re just sore I interrupted your sexting or whatever to go out and do something actually fun.” Sexting was probably more fun than bumming around on the beach, but it wasn’t more fun for Zach, and that was what mattered, right?
Jai snorted. "Lissa's not a snorefest and we weren't sexting. Why would I waste my time on something like that when I could get the real thing? Besides, you know if I didn't wanna go out with you, I would've said no." Sure, he had been lazy and comfortable at home, but if Zach could get him up off his ass, then yeah, Jai generally had fun. While he felt like he was pretty confident in his looks and ability to get a date, Jai realized that he didn't really want Zach to doubt himself because Jai gave him shit about who he liked. He always assumed Zach knew Jai was just teasing, anyway. "Chase is hot though," he added, almost as an afterthought. "He's the type you'd want to make out with but keep his mouth occupied so he couldn't talk and expel all his douchey-ness."
Zach felt his cheeks flare up at the reminder that Jai could get ‘the real thing’ anytime he wanted. He knew his brother wasn’t a virgin, but he didn’t like to think about it for reasons he hadn’t quite figured out yet. Maybe because Zach kind of thought he would never have sex. His body was all wrong, and even though he masturbated, he couldn’t imagine getting into that frame of mind around someone else. There were boys he liked and fantasized about, but he never had a girl’s body in those fantasies. Most of them probably thought he was weird anyway, or not really a ‘he’ at all. Getting a hello and a smile from Chase had been really nice, but that might be all it ever was. He was probably more likely to make out with Jai than Zach. It was yet another thing to be jealous of Jai about. Zach tried to push all of that down, as always, and gave a little snorty laugh. “Then all the douche gets in your mouth though, gross,” he murmured.
"It's not that gross." Jai grinned faintly, clearly talking about something else. But he was picking up on odd emotions from Zach. It wasn't the first time those emotions had thrown him, as mild as they were but Jai couldn't really place what they were. Obviously it felt a bit like jealousy, but that didn't make a lot of sense to Jai so he figured he was just reading things wrong. He did that a lot, actually. Human beings were complicated, confusing things, if you asked him. They were nearing the beach, much to Jai's relief. "And you know, sometimes if they're hot enough, you forget the douchey part for a bit." Jai chuckled and pulled into the small parking lot. "Alcohol helps a lot too."
He’d been drunk before and nobody had wanted to kiss him then, douche or no, so it didn’t feel like useful advice. Sometimes Zach was fine when sex and sex-related things casually came up in conversation, but other times they made his stomach feel all weird and stupid and made his body feel like it didn’t fit right. Like his very bones were in the wrong places. It wasn’t something he shared, and any leakage over to Jai was purely accidental. Zach wanted to be cool about everything, because ... well, that’s who he wanted to be. Cool. But god, everything felt hard sometimes. They had arrived though, and it was a relief to climb out of the car and breathe in the salty ocean air. He tucked his hands in his pockets and started to walk toward the path that led down to the beach itself.
Jai followed after making sure his car doors were locked. Not that he had anything major to steal, but he was still paranoid. After catching up with Zach, he flung his arm around his brother's shoulders. "Speaking of parties, Caleb is having one this weekend if you wanna go with me. His parents went to Charleston for the week." Caleb only lived a couple of blocks from home so they wouldn't even have to drive, which was nice if they wanted to drink. And Jai kind of got the feeling that he ought to change the subject off of sex-related things, so why not bring up a party since that was sort of in the discussion anyway?
Zach’s heart gave a happy little jump at the feeling of Jai’s arm around him ... and the spot between his legs tingled a bit. Zach slipped his own arm around Jai’s back. His brother had such a nice body, all lean and firm. Zach could never tell if he admired it because it was exactly what he wanted for himself or if he liked it. Not that he would ever say so. But feeling Jai’s side against his, moving as they walked together, was really nice. Maybe he was fucking Lissa Moore and whoever else, but he was with Zach now, and Zach wanted to enjoy that. “Sure I won’t be like, butting in on a date or some shit?” he asked, managing to sound light enough about it. Zach was sure Jai wouldn’t have asked him if that was the case, but who knew. His brother could be an idiot sometimes.
"I'm not dating anyone, so no, you wouldn't be butting in or some shit." His hand reached up to tousle the back of Zach's hair. "We'll walk so we can get wasted and have fun. Plus, you can hang with some of the seniors. Never hurts to make new friends before school starts again." People knew better than to fuck with Jai's brother. Jai was pretty chill and laid back with just about everyone. He didn't give a shit about popularity and maybe that was why he was popular. But he also had a fiery temper, and the quickest way to ignite it was messing with his family. "No pressure, of course. It's probably not as fun as shopping or wandering the marina."
There had been a lot of changes in the past year or two, but Zach’s favorite by far had been the way he’d moved out of “pesky little brother” territory and into something closer with Jai. They didn’t always get along, but as he got older, Jai seemed to like him more. It made him happy, because his opinion was one of the few that Zach actually gave a shit about. It would be intimidating to hang with seniors, but he would do it because Jai was there. He always made Zach feel safe. “Ugh, shut up,” he muttered to the last bit, grinning in spite of the words. Zach pushed his weight into Jai a bit to throw their steps off track, pinching his side at the same time. “Sure, I’ll go, just so you have somebody actually cool to hang out with.” He flashed Jai a wicked grin, then ducked out from under his arm and gave him a push before he ran off down the beach to their left.
It had taken some time but Jai had slowly started to see Zach as a brother more than part of the reason his parents had gone through a rough patch in their marriage. It probably helped that they had gotten through it intact so any lingering resentments had finally dissipated over time. Now Jai found he quite liked having a brother. They bickered and fought on occasion, sure, but it was also kind of cool having someone on the other side of their bathroom door that he could hang with and talk to when he didn't want to dump all his shit on his friends. Of course, that was when Zach wasn't being annoying and pinching him, something he knew Jai hated. He stumbled a bit, so he missed when he tried to snatch the back of Zach's shirt. "Dick," Jai grunted. He thought about taking off his shoes and chucking them after his brother, but he thought it might be more fun to toss Zach in the cold water instead. So he took off after him, well aware of how easy it would be to roll his ankle in these shoes on the sand. Plus, there was the whole matter of hating exercise and he had run as far as he could, which admittedly was not too far before he doubled over. Zach was always the faster of the two, the asshole. "Wait," he called breathlessly, his hands resting against his knees. "Lungs're gonna give out, I swear. Fuck."
Zach ran around more than Jai did, and he used that to his advantage sometimes. Being so much shorter and smaller, he had to do what he could. He was laughing as they ran, and was still grinning when he heard his brother’s weak protest. Zach slowed, breathing quick and light himself -- running on sand was hard! -- and turned around to look at him. He did look like he was about to keel over, but Zach knew that might be a trick. He walked a couple of paces closer, but stayed out of arm’s reach in case Jai was faking. “You gotta quit smoking,” he told him with a devilish smile. He started to circle around Jai, catching his breath and continuing to be a dick on purpose, just to goad him. They usually started wrestling when he poked at Jai too much, and there was part of him that wanted that at the moment, to be lunged at and manhandled into the sand. “Or are you just gettin’ old?”
"I don't smoke that much," Jai said, straightening and holding a hand against his side where he had started to feel a stitch. "If you wanted me to chase your ass all over, you should've picked the park instead of the beach." And of course, he did lunge at Zach then, well aware that his brother might be too quick for him, and in that case Jai would probably just fall face down in the sand. But it seemed like Zach was too focused on goading him into action that he wasn't entirely prepared for it, which had Jai shouting triumphantly as he tackled Zach back into the sand. Provocation usually resulted in wrestling or pushing of some kind until one of their parents yelled at them to calm down. But their parents weren't here now so Jai attempted to keep Zach's legs from potentially kneeing sensitive areas while also avoiding getting sand in his face. "Maybe I'm old but at least I don't run when I fuck with you."
He was pretty nimble, and it was a skill he worked on, often using the playground in the park to practice climbing and jumping and all that. Besides it being a good workout, Zach had a secret desire to end up on that Ninja Warrior show someday. It was probably fucked up of him, but it was kind of satisfying to have something physical that he was better at than his brother. He wasn’t quick enough to dodge the lunge and Zach tumbled into the sand with a squeal that was more delighted than distressed. At least sand didn’t hurt to land on, even if it knocked some of the breath out of him. Laughing, he started to struggle under Jai’s weight, his heart picking up speed in a way that wasn’t really unpleasant as he pushed and squirmed. “‘Cause you suck at running!” he countered with a cackle.
"I suck at running on sand," Jai protested, feeling a bit breathless as he worked on getting total dominance over Zach's body. He was trying not to laugh because that just made it harder for him to get Zach to keep still. He was used to wrestling with his brother and he never felt the need to be gentle with him. Jai had learned that the minute he gave an inch Zach could, and would, grab the upper hand. What he wasn't used to was getting hard when he had Zach pinned down. Which he was, and how and when had that even happened? His cock gave a sweet throb when Zach squirmed beneath his body and the urge to press himself between Zach's legs was strong. Jai inhaled sharply before quickly letting go and rolling off onto the sand beside Zach. His core was a squirmy mess of confusion and arousal and all Jai could do was hope Zach hadn't felt it himself, in any capacity. That was... not right. Right? Right. "You run 'cause you know I can kick your ass," Jai said, trying to sound casual and not draw attention to anything... weird.
Zach did feel arousal, but it was difficult at first for him to recognize that any of it was coming from Jai. More and more often, he’d been getting kind of turned on when they wrestled, and it was just as confusing to him. But it also felt good, so he kind of didn’t want it to stop, even if he knew somewhere that it was wrong. Jai was his brother -- half brother, some part of his brain always insisted, like that made it better -- and he shouldn’t want his brother to touch him in intimate places, right? But when Jai rolled off of him so quickly, Zach got a vague sense of why and realized he wasn’t the only one feeling certain things. He questioned it instantly, sure that couldn’t be right and it was just him. That was crazy, right? Impulsively, Zach decided to make sure. He sat up and took over the dominant position since Jai was on his back, grabbing for his wrists as he straddled his chest. “Kick my ass then, if you think you can,” he taunted breathlessly.
Jai hadn't expected Zach to do anything more than lay beside him and bicker, so when Zach suddenly shifted to roll on top of him, Jai's initial reflex was to try and curl up. But Zach was quick and Jai exhaled sharply as his brother planted himself on his chest. "Come on," Jai said, trying to keep his tone casual and light, rather than panicked. It was a difficult thing to do, especially as they could feel each other's emotions more often than not. "I don't wanna kick your ass." This was really stupid. They should have just gone to Moxie's for food, or something like that. While his dick disagreed and thought this was really fun for all kinds of reasons, Jai couldn't seem to sort through his muddled confusion to properly push Zach off of him. "You're actin' like you’re seven years old," he added, trying to twist his wrists out of Zach's grip.
He could tell that Jai was freaked out, which didn’t make any sense unless the arousal Zach was feeling wasn’t strictly his own. It was something he tried to hide from his brother whenever it cropped up, and that ‘oh shit no’ feeling he was getting from Jai was the same thing he’d often felt when he was worried it would be too obvious. So far he’d been lucky, or so he thought, but ... had he? Did it turn Jai on to fuck around with him too? The thought made his heart race even more than the physical struggle did, and he felt a delicious throb between his own legs, where he was sitting on Jai’s chest. Zach let him free his hands, the grin fading off of his face as he tuned into Jai more fully through their connection. Doing that opened him up to be seen as well, of course, but that was probably unavoidable now. “And you’re ... horny?” he murmured, his brow furrowing. He wasn’t sure why he was asking when he could feel the truth, but that was what came out.
That was probably the last question he expected to hear from Zach. And probably the last question Jai wanted to hear. If he had been able to shut Zach out completely, he would have, but their connection didn't work that way. Instead, any forced casualness faded from Jai's face and he stopped squirming beneath his brother. He could have laughed it off. Replied that he was always horny. But he couldn't find it in him to try and brush it aside. "Get off, Zach." No way was he going to answer that question. Already he was imagining Zach's repulsion, the threat of their dad finding out, or Zach's mom. There had to be something fundamentally wrong with him and now Zach knew it too. His whole life was going to go to shit because of some misplaced attraction to his half-brother.
It wasn’t an answer, but it was at the same time. There was no denial, no looking at him like he was crazy. Zach wasn’t picking up on some random teenage hormones or anything. It was a real feeling, just like his real feelings. They both felt the same and seeing that made Zach’s stomach feel like he was on a roller coaster. He could feel his heartbeat in his crotch, along with a deep tingle that made him feel a little wild. Zach was sure that Jai could feel it radiating off of him, and for once that didn’t scare him. “You’re such an idiot,” he whispered shakily. Then Zach did move, but not off. He slid down Jai’s front until they were face to face, then darted in to kiss him. It was impulsive and reckless, but Zach felt like he just had to do it or he was going to scream.
Oh, he was definitely an idiot, but there was some sweet relief when Zach began to move because that meant Jai could push him off completely and drive home and try to pretend this had never happened. Except that Zach didn't slip off of him. The position changed but not in a way that helped get rid of his hardon. Before Jai could do anything about it, Zach had kissed him and Jai's mind seemed to crumble in on itself. His hands snatched Zach's arms with the intent of pushing him away, but instead his fingers curled around his brother's forearms and held. Everything felt numb for a second before his lips parted just enough to get a better taste and all at once white heat flashed through him, causing his jeans to feel too tight and his throat too dry. This was wrong. Really, really, wrong... and yet Jai didn't really care. Not the way he should have. It was such a chaste feeling kiss and yet there was the very real possibility that he was about to come in his pants. Not to mention the fact that someone could walk by and see them. They were still in public, after all, even if the beach wasn't busy. Jai broke the kiss as soon as the possibility entered his mind and he used his strength to push Zach off of his body. His hand stayed curled around one of Zach's arms. "Come here," he said hoarsely, getting to his feet and tugging Zach's arm to get him to his feet as well.
A wave of fear flashed through Zach at the feel of his brother’s grip on his arms, but he didn’t push him away. His mind felt like it was tripping all over itself, but blissfully silent at the same time. All he could focus on was how his body felt, the all-over tingle and rush of heat. The way Jai’s mouth started to respond to his made Zach positively ache in his core, and he’d just started pushing against him more firmly when Jai pushed him back. Zach stumbled a bit in the sand at the change in balance, feeling like somebody had flipped the world upside down. He was a little dizzy but he managed to get his sneakers under him and stand up with Jai. Zach’s cheeks were blotchy and flushed, and he didn’t know what to think. They’d just kissed. Like, not a peck on the lips or anything, but a real kiss. And it had been Zach’s first one, to boot. His brother had been his first kiss, just now. Fuck. It was difficult to wrap his mind around, and he was kind of dazed and helpless to resist wherever Jai pulled him. Maybe he should’ve been worried about the reaction, afraid Jai wanted to kick his ass for real for making that move, but he wasn’t yet. Even though he’d done it, he was still trying to process it.
With his heart thundering in his chest, Jai pulled Zach along, back through the sand toward the parking lot and his car. He didn't trust himself to speak, so he didn't. Instead he kept his grip on Zach's arm tight until they got to where Jai had parked. "Get in," he demanded, only then releasing his brother so he could walk around to the other side of the car. It would be understandable if Zach thought Jai was pissed, or upset but Jai was so focused on the task at hand that he couldn't have expressed just how he was feeling, even if he'd been asked. All he knew was that he didn't want to talk or have anything resembling a conversation out in the open. Sure, there weren't many people around but that didn't matter. He felt like in Point Pleasant there were ears everywhere.
Somewhere on the way to the car, Zach started to get scared. Jai’s grip was hurting his arm, but he didn’t dare yank it back or even complain. All of the emotions bouncing around in their connection were confusing, and Zach couldn’t pin down what his brother was feeling. Was he pissed? Did Zach just ruin everything? Oh shit ... had he just assaulted his brother? A string of panicky ‘fuck’s started up like a mantra in his mind, and Zach struggled to think around the litany as he mechanically opened the car door and climbed inside. He slipped his hands under his thighs and stared straight ahead as Jai got in too, looking pale and scared now. “I’m sorry,” he murmured unsteadily. Zach wanted to push more words out, but it didn’t seem to be working.
Despite all of the churning emotion in his gut, Jai didn't want to frighten Zach. He just didn't have the capability of comforting anyone at the moment. Starting the car with numb fingers, Jai waited to speak until he was driving away from the beach. He knew exactly where he was driving so it was like he was on auto-pilot as he worked through a coherent response. "I didn't mean for you to... feel any of that," he said finally, keeping his eyes on the road rather than risking a look at Zach. "I don't know what's wrong with me." He paused a beat. "Someone could've seen us."
For a couple of minutes there, Zach was pretty sure Jai would never speak to him again. Was he a rapist now? Fuck. Had he really felt attraction coming from Jai, or had that been his own feelings bleeding through? Had he just fucked up their entire relationship? Jai’s voice interrupted his racing thoughts, and Zach tried to listen against his freaked-out-ness. So he had felt things right. Zach looked over at his brother, even though Jai wasn’t looking at him, and felt a pang in his chest at the second part. There hadn’t been anyone close to them at the beach, so he didn’t care about that, but he intimately related to feeling like something was wrong with him. “If it’s wrong with you, it’s wrong with me too,” he admitted quietly, after his own pause. Zach wasn’t sure what else to say, so he just let his feelings sit there -- the confusing attraction, the sense that he was embarrassed about it but still wanted to act on it, all of it -- accessible to Jai. Maybe they didn’t have to talk about it.
No, they didn't have to talk about it. And it was probably better that they didn't. Jai felt Zach as acutely as Zach felt him. Jai couldn't stifle how he felt, even if he wanted to. At least it seemed like they were on the same page because it was hard to decipher what were Zach's emotions and what were his. And maybe something was wrong with them. But was it because of their bond? If they hadn't been... magically connected somehow, would this have happened? Zach wouldn't know the answers to these questions, so Jai didn't bother asking them. Instead he kept driving, until they were away from Point Pleasant, along with prying eyes and ears. Maybe Jai was being overly paranoid, but he didn't give a shit. The Fallows were a place he had driven to countless times before, usually at night when he had someone in the car he wanted to fool around with. He and his friends had parties out there sometimes too, and by parties he meant that they wanted to get high and had nowhere else to go. Jai pulled onto the dirt road surrounded by high grass and weeds and then put the car into park. Then he finally looked over at Zach. "There's nothing wrong with you, Zach. I'm not mad."
Zach didn’t hang out much in the Fallows, but he and his friends were on the younger side, and not many of them had cars yet. It was too far to walk, and kind of freaky, so he just wasn’t there often. But now they were here, Jai’s car a little island of humanity amongst all the tall grass. Zach wasn’t scared to be there though, not with Jai. He just wanted everything to be okay, and the hard lump in his throat to go away. He wasn’t looking yet when Jai spoke again, but his brown eyes darted over, a little wide and worried. He studied Jai’s face, feeling around at the same time for any insincerity. He’d sure pulled Zach around back at the beach like he was mad. His arm ached a bit where Jai’s grip had been. Zach swallowed and averted his gaze to the steering wheel. It felt like there was plenty wrong with him, for more reasons than just what had happened. A lot of people out in the world thought he was sick and wrong for being who he was anyway, maybe this was just another layer to his wrongness. God, what if he’d like, infected Jai with it? He’d never gotten horny wrestling with Zach before, had he? “What are you, then?” he muttered. “I can’t ... read anything right.” Their connection was confusing at the moment.
Jai shook his head, tearing his gaze away from Zach to look out the windows. The Fallows weren't so scary in the daylight. That didn't mean there weren't things hiding in the grass. Even so, he didn't feel any fear at the moment. "I don't know," he admitted. "I don't know what I am." With a sigh, Jai turned off the car, just so he wasn't wasting his gas. The last thing they needed was to get stranded out there and have to call their dad. There would be questions Jai didn't want to answer. More questions. Shifting in his seat so he could see Zach more directly, Jai recognized the uncertainty in Zach's eyes. He felt it too. Before he could overthink it, Jai reached out to slip his hand along the nape of Zach's neck. He drew him near and then pressed his lips back to Zach's. There was no hesitation there. He wanted to do it, to see how it made him feel and a chaste, soft peck wasn't going to achieve that.
Zach was so caught up in his own head that he didn’t see it coming in the slightest when Jai reached for him. His heart leapt uncomfortably for a second, but before he had time to flail about what was happening, Jai’s lips were on his. He stiffened and hesitated for half a second, but Zach didn’t feel any reluctance from him, nothing to indicate that he didn’t want to do what he was doing, and that made Zach’s heart flutter crazily in his chest. Other bits of him felt pretty crazy too as he closed his eyes and did his best to return the kiss. He hadn’t been thinking about his own inexperience on the beach, he’d just acted, so he tried to do that instead of worrying about being a bad kisser. Zach’s hand crept out and curled a loose grip in the front of Jai’s shirt. He wanted to touch him so much more, but he couldn’t push anything, not yet. Just kissing Jai was overwhelming enough to his senses, and after a few heartbeats Zach felt himself start to melt further into it.
Jai didn't know what he was doing, or why. He just knew he wanted to do it, so he was. If the squirmy feeling in his gut turned out to be revulsion, he'd stop. But... so far it was just pleasant and hot and his cock had already begun to fill out in his jeans. There was no real intention of doing anything more than this, because this was a lot. Jai just needed to know that it was okay. As much as his mind was telling him that it was wrong, everything was totally contradictory to that. Zach's lips moved as though he knew what he was doing, even if Jai knew he didn't. The inexperience was evident but it wasn't a turn off. Instead, it prompted Jai to part his lips and lick at Zach's lower lip with his tongue until he was able to slip it inside Zach's mouth to get a better taste.
There wasn’t a single part of Zach that was repulsed by this. He knew in his brain that he probably should be, that no normal person should want to make out with their brother. Since when was Zach a ‘normal’ person though? Probably not a single moment in his life, even before life had taken its strange twists and turns with him. Maybe he was just crazy like his mom, but ... this felt good. Better than anything Zach had ever felt in his life, he was pretty sure. His throbbing clit certainly thought so, at least. A soft sound escaped Zach’s throat as he parted his lips to accept Jai’s tongue, his own moving to tentatively stroke against it. A shiver of pleasure raced down the front of his body, and he pulled a little on Jai’s shirt without thinking about it, like he could get closer without moving anything else. He took his cues from Jai’s mouth, moving his lips and tongue with a growing confidence.
Despite some of his confusion, Jai didn't really know what normal was. Or maybe it was that he didn't know what abnormal was. To him, things were what they were, and was that so bad? As long as no one was being hurt... Of course, it could just be his brain trying to justify what he was doing. Groaning softly, Jai kept his hold on Zach a firm one. This was why he had driven all the way out here. Not to talk but to be able to kiss Zach the way he wanted to without worrying about repercussions. And he wanted to do so much more than kiss him. His cock was aching for more, but what else was new? Being out in the Fallows, in the sun without the car running, Jai was starting to feel overheated. A lot of that had to do with his near painful erection too, he knew. Though he kept his hand on the nape of Zach's neck, Jai pulled back, needing some distance as he caught his breath and tried to cool his heated blood.
Jai’s hand on the back of his neck was intensely sexy to Zach for reasons he couldn’t name. It just felt good and part of him wanted Jai to squeeze tighter, to hold him still and close. Fantasies about having his head pushed down into Jai’s crotch flitted through his mind, and he felt plenty hot himself. God, Zach wanted to touch him. To slip a hand into his jeans and feel his cock, to see what made him moan and breathe heavy and hear what he sounded like when he came. The end of the kiss gave him a weird jolt in his stomach and the air that rushed in between them felt too cool on his flushed skin. He kept his grip in Jai’s shirt as well, opening dazed eyes to peer at his brother’s face. Zach licked his lips and swallowed thickly, his heart hammering quickly in his chest. He didn’t know what to do or say, sensing that it was a delicate moment, so he just held still and tried to slow his breathing down.
It was easier to take a step back and really think about what he was doing when he wasn't so damn hard. His fingers itched to adjust himself a bit in his jeans but Jai resisted. Instead, he closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. Even then he still wanted to keep kissing Zach, so he had to think it went beyond just physical satisfaction. But considering he was seventeen and hormonal as fuck, a lot of it was physical. And Zach was still his brother, even if it was half. It was Jai's job to look after him, keep him safe. So, he would. Reluctantly, Jai pulled his hand from Zach's neck. "We gotta go home, it's gonna be dark soon," Jai murmured. He reached up to take Zach's hand away from his shirt. But to show he wasn't feeling regretful or upset, he kept his hand in Zach's. "You okay?"
Home? It felt like a foreign word for a second. Zach didn’t want to go home, he wanted time to stop so they could stay right where they were and keep kissing, keep exploring each other. If they left this spot and went back to normal life ... would this ever happen again? Should he even want it to happen again? God, maybe he was sick. He let Jai unclench his hand, even though he didn’t really want to let go, and tried to think about that question. “I uh, I dunno,” he finally answered with a huffed laugh. Zach’s gaze ticked up from their linked hands to Jai’s eyes. “Yes?” He wasn’t upset or regretful either, he was just still reeling a bit from how good that had felt but also dipping down because he didn’t know if it would be over now. A fluke. Something Jai wouldn’t ever allow again. “Are you?” he murmured.
His dark brows furrowed together thoughtfully. "Yeah," he said finally, with a nod. "Yeah, I am. I just... you know." Jai took a breath and then smiled. "I guess I wanted to do that for a while. I just didn't really know it. I don't know what it means, or... what'll happen. But... I liked it." It wasn't like Zach was just some guy Jai had brought out here to make out with. Wanting him meant a multitude of problems. But he was more than happy to bury those for a while. Letting go of Zach's hand, Jai turned the key in the ignition again. "We gotta just.... you can't tell anyone," he murmured, focusing on reversing and trying to back out of the weeds towards the road.
Had Jai really wanted to do it for a while, or had Zach’s own desires influenced him? Had he corrupted his brother? He did his best to push those thoughts away, because they were the unanswerable kind that would drive him insane. Jai said he wanted it, he’d taken them out here and kissed Zach again on purpose, that was all Zach needed to focus on. “Fuck no, why would I tell anyone?” he responded, his tone a bit offended that Jai thought he might. He wasn’t stupid. “But, just ... I liked it too. And I uh, I know I’ve wanted it for a while.” His cheeks flushed dully again at the admission, but he didn’t see the sense in trying to hide it anymore. Jai knew now, and he might as well know everything. Zach glanced over at his brother’s profile uncertainly. “It was ... really okay, though?” He wasn’t sure if he was asking about his performance or for more reassurance on how Jai felt about it overall.
Jai had no idea if Zach had influenced, or vice versa. He may not have consciously wanted what had happened, but it was likely that it had been there on some level. Doing something that he didn't really want to do was a bit foreign to Jai to begin with. Sure, some things were necessary, like going to school and shit like that. But when it came to personal stuff, especially when it came to sex, Jai was in control.
They got back onto the main road with little issue. It probably spoke volumes about his paranoia that he drove all the way out here just to kiss his brother. But Point Pleasant was a small ass town and even if he couldn't see anyone around, that didn't mean they weren't there. "It was really okay," he assured Zach, a faint smile playing at his lips. "More than okay, Zach. I mean... have you ever kissed anyone before?"
‘More than okay’ was good, and part of Zach relaxed a bit. Maybe he wasn’t the worst kisser in the world then, regardless of who he was kissing. He’d been so out of sorts when they’d fled out to the Fallows that he hadn’t really thought about the distance until they were driving back home. If it did happen again, he hoped Jai didn’t feel the need to limit it to the outskirts of town. They shared a bathroom and everything at home. “No,” he admitted, feeling a little sheepish without really knowing why. He would’ve told Jai that sort of news if it had happened, he didn’t keep a lot of secrets, he just hoped his inexperience hadn’t been super obvious. “Not ... like that, anyway. It didn’t suck, did it?”
In all honesty, Jai wasn't really thinking about whether or not it would happen again. If it did, he wasn't sure he could handle it being in their house. Not where they could be seen. But he still didn't know how he felt about anything. All he really knew was that Zach was his brother... half-brother... and he loved him and wanted to keep him safe. "It didn't suck," Jai said with a faint smile. "Believe me." He wasn't sure how he felt about being Zach's first kiss. On one hand, he felt like it should have been with someone Zach could... be with. Date. On the other hand, there was some weird, primal satisfaction in it. Like he'd made his mark somehow. Jai spared a glance at Zach. "How was it for you?"
Zach didn’t know how he felt about it all either, only that it had been an incredible turn on and his body certainly wanted to do it again. And more, even if he didn’t really know what ‘more’ might look like. It was nice to hear that it hadn’t sucked for Jai though. He was the one who actually had experience. The question made him feel squirmy all over again, and Zach pressed his thighs together to feel that sweet little throb between them. “Um, really good,” he murmured with a huffed laugh. That was an understatement, and Jai could probably feel it. If he was paying any attention later he would feel a bunch more too, because Zach knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of himself later that night. He looked out through the windshield and nibbled on his bottom lip, not sure where to go from there.
Jai licked his lips quickly and then reached over to slip his hand around the back of Zach's neck again. He squeezed gently, in a comforting gesture before letting his arm fall back to his lap. "I'll take really good," he said finally, laughing a little. “Better than really sucky, yeah?” He didn't really know what else to say about it. There was a strange urge to apologize for not making Zach's first kiss better, but he hadn't been expecting it to happen at all. Shifting a little in his seat, both hands gripped the steering wheel now. "You wanna stop at Moxie's for a milkshake or something?"
Jai might have meant the touch to be comforting, but it was so close to the way he’d grabbed hold of Zach to kiss him that it was kind of arousing instead. To be fair, that probably would’ve happened if Jai touched him anywhere, but still. It made his lashes flutter. Zach tried to refocus, caught between being glad that Jai took his hand back and wishing he’d left it on his neck. He got the vague sense that everything between them from now on was going to be loaded with these kinds of feelings. It made his insides feel all heavy in some strange ways. “Nah, let’s just ... head home,” he answered after a second’s thought. His stomach was all weird and he didn’t want to force anything into it. Or allow any more time for things to be awkward between them.
Strangely enough, Jai was okay with the feelings. No one else would know about them but he and Zach and that was all that mattered. Would they be able to act on them again? Jai didn't know. But he was okay with taking things one day at a time. Sort of. His body definitely disagreed with any rational thinking here. Jai glanced at Zach again but smothered his disappointment quickly. "Okay." The evening probably hadn't been at all what Zach had expected, or wanted, but there wasn't much more Jai could do about that. At least not right now.
Zach had only expected to wander around the beach with his brother, maybe see who could throw debris the furthest into the water or something, just bullshitting around. He definitely hadn’t seen this coming but here they were, and part of Zach was still trying to accept that it had really happened. His big brother, whom he had both admired and lusted after for what felt like a long time, had wanted to kiss him too. And he’d done it, and done it well. The only thing that convinced him this wasn’t a wet dream was that they’d stopped so quickly. Zach fell quiet, kind of zoning out as he watched the scenery roll past without really seeing it, his brain re-playing that kiss over and over again.
The silence was kind of weird. It wasn't as if the two of them had never hung out in silence before. They were brothers. Half-brothers, his brain reminded him helpfully. This wasn't an unusual occurrence. But it was. There was just some kind of electrical charge he was feeling. Jai was torn between hating it and just letting it be. Like his brother, he was thinking about what had happened and how his lips still tasted like Zach and how much he liked that. As they neared home, Jai glanced at Zach again. "Are you pissed at me?" He tried to keep his voice casual, rather than worried. He supposed Zach could be angry that Jai kissed him... or that he stopped. Jai wasn't really sure which one it would be.
He’d been so wrapped up in his own head that Jai’s question startled Zach a little, and it took the words an extra second or two to really make sense. “Uh, no ... why would I be?” he asked, looking over at his brother’s handsome profile. There definitely wasn’t any anger in the big mess of mixed emotions he was feeling. Zach wasn't always the best at parsing out his own emotions, but he was sure of that much. Jai hadn’t done anything wrong. “Are you pissed at me?” he tacked on before Jai could answer the first question, his voice dropping a bit. “I mean, I started it and everything.” Even if Jai had felt the same attraction, maybe he’d never wanted to act on it ever, and Zach had pushed him into it.
Jai shot Zach a very brief, incredulous look. He didn't really want to say why he thought Zach might be pissed at him because then maybe his brother would realize he should be pissed. "I'm not pissed. Like, at all. If you hadn't started it I probably would have, so..." That was the genuine truth of it too. "I dunno, Zach, I just... don't want things to be weird, or change... I mean, maybe change? But not... in a bad way. Does that make sense?" He had no idea if it did or not. His mind was a bit jumbled about the entire thing and Jai wasn't even sure what he wanted beyond what his dick was telling him to do.
The way Zach remembered it -- and he felt like he would remember every millisecond of it for the rest of his life -- Jai had rolled away from him to try and hide his boner and cool down, so Zach wasn’t sure his big brother would’ve started anything. He wasn’t going to argue about it though. Not wanting any weird or bad changes sounded like what he wanted too, but Zach didn’t know how much control they had over that. He was intensely happy that it wasn’t a one-sided thing, but where to go from there? Zach had no idea. “It does,” he murmured for reassurance first. It made sense. “Let’s just ... give it some time to sink in, okay? We don’t have to like, figure it all out right now. We’re cool, and that’s what matters, right?”
Jai nodded, feeling relieved. "Yeah, that's what matters," he agreed, thankful that they didn't have to talk about this in depth, or try to figure it out in that moment. He really needed to have some time to think on his own and either come to the conclusion that it was okay, or a really big mistake. At least it was summer and he didn't have to go to school feeling weird and trying to act normal for his friends. "What're you going to do for the rest of the night?" he asked, turning down their street. "Wanna watch a movie or something?"
Zach was relieved that Jai didn’t push a Conversation about it. He didn’t really want to talk about it yet, needing his own time to process. Maybe they’d talk more in-depth about it later ... or maybe they would pretend it never happened and go on with their lives as normal. The idea that he might never get to kiss Jai again gave Zach an unhappy, disappointed feeling in his stomach, which was probably five kinds of fucked up, because Jai was his brother. It was probably also fucked up that the first thing he thought of when Jai asked about plans was masturbating until he couldn’t see straight anymore. There was a lot of tension in him with nowhere to go. Could they even sit through a movie together without weirdness? “Uhhhh,” he said helpfully as his mind went blank. He didn’t have any good excuse to say no, and he didn’t want Jai to feel like he was avoiding him. “Yeah, uh, sure. We can do that.”
Jai laughed softly as he pulled into the driveway. "Uhhhh doesn't sound very enthusiastic," he said, mostly teasing. "It's really okay if you wanna be alone, I'm not gonna be like, angry about it. I just want you to know I still want to hang out with you and stuff." And Jai wasn't going to be offended if Zach wanted to retreat to his room either. It had been a really strange evening and maybe taking a few days to let this sink in meant not hanging out either. It wasn't like they were going to actively avoid each other. Living in the same house made that kind of impossible, especially with parents that liked to have dinner as a family.
That was good to hear, but being called out still made Zach blush and squirm a bit. It wasn’t like he wanted to be alone to brood or anything smart like that. He just wanted to indulge the insistent needy throb between his legs. It had quieted down some, of course, but it was still there. “I wanna hang out with you too,” Zach said, the words coming out a bit haltingly. “I just like need to jerk off, like ASAP. That’s all.” Jai would probably understand that compulsion, even if the mechanics of how they did it were different. He flushed darker to admit it out loud, but fuck it, right? They’d always talked pretty openly before, he didn’t want that to change.
Jai's brow rose sharply before his grin widened. "Oh. Well... okay." He wanted to laugh but it wasn't laughter directed at Zach as much as it was his bluntness. "I'm super flattered by the way. But yeah, you should go do that. When you're done, we'll make some popcorn and watch a movie." Amusement had seeped into his tone and he was still mostly teasing his brother, but it felt better to do that than to squirm awkwardly about it. They had never been the kind of siblings to beat around the bush - ha! - or keep things from each other, so... at least Jai knew that much hadn't changed.
It was embarrassing, but Jai’s grin was kind of infectious, and Zach grinned back. He would’ve felt much more mortified if he didn’t know he’d made his brother’s dick hard not that long ago. Zach wondered if Jai would be thinking about him whenever he got around to jerking off, and decided not to ask. He already knew it would be a struggle not to listen for it through their mental connection. They’d learned to give each other as much privacy as they could and tune certain things out, but now? Zach didn’t know if he had the willpower. “That sounds good,” he murmured, smiling crookedly. Zach gazed up at their house for a beat, then undid his seatbelt and reached for the door. “Dibs on the shower.” He was getting kind of itchy from rolling around in the sand, and a shower would give him the time and privacy he needed.
Jai might have raced Zach to the shower just to be an ass, but he knew Zach was faster than him and fighting for the bathroom might just end up making him horny again, so he opted to blow a loud raspberry instead as he climbed out of the car too. "Yeah, yeah. Do your thing." He'd take a shower later, since he knew he probably still had sand in his hair. There was a brief thought to go back to his room and text Lissa, but the desire to mess around with her had passed. At the moment he just wanted to get cleaned up and maybe hang around with Zach for the rest of the night. Everything else he could, and would, think about later.