nothingyoukeep (nothingyoukeep) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2020-04-24 13:09:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | #flashback, diego, diego x oliver, oliver |
Who: Diego and Oliver
When: summer, approx 14 years ago
Where: a suburb of Phoenix, AZ, and then San Diego, CA
Status: complete
It had been almost a year since their escape from the AIR facility in Washington, and while Diego had learned a lot about how the world worked, some things were still proving difficult. Technology was one of those things. He had learned to use a cell phone easily enough, that was only a handful of buttons all in one place, but computers weren’t coming easy for him. They didn’t have one to practice on at home, so he had to go to the local library to use the internet. ‘Local’ happened to be in Arizona now, which was good in some ways -- a lot more people spoke Spanish than other places they’d been -- and bad in others. It was hot and dry and Diego had been so accustomed to a constantly controlled environment, it wasn’t an easy adjustment. He often forgot to put on sunscreen or the right weight of jacket when he ventured out by himself.
He’d ventured out today while Oliver was at work, walking to the bus stop that took him to the library. Diego had been there a couple of times already, but he still wasn’t comfortable with the whole process, so he felt nervous as he went to the desk to ask for some time on one of their computers. He always checked the news as best he could, looking for any articles with their names -- well, mostly Oliver’s name. Nobody had known who Diego was in the first place, and AIR wasn’t going to put out a missing persons report on him. It was slow-going, as his typing was abysmally slow, the screen hurt his eyes after a while, and reading so much nonfiction English made his brain tired. There wasn’t a story to follow and rarely context clues, so he turned to an online English-Spanish dictionary pretty often, which also slowed him down. Once he felt sure that the local authorities weren’t out there looking for them, Diego turned to his real quest -- trying to track down his family in El Salvador. Unfortunately, the small country was much further behind America when it came to technology, so there never seemed to be much to find. That combined with Diego’s spotty memory of names and places and years, and he ended up frustrated and despondent time after time. Before he knew it, his paid hour was up and the librarian was politely but firmly asking him to leave.
A headache starting to throb behind his eyes, Diego left the library. He decided to take his time and walk home, and soon enough he was sweating through his shirt. He stopped in at a convenience store to get something to drink and a snack. There were more people in there than he liked to be around, but Diego was thirsty enough to bear it as he waited in line. When it was his turn, he pulled out the cash that Oliver had left him with, and another of his weaknesses came to the forefront: handling money. He could count and do simple math, but for some reason American notes and coins always flummoxed him. As Diego tried to count out the right change, he could sense the people behind him getting impatient, and he got more and more flustered. He pushed money at the cashier, she counted, then told him he was short. Diego tried giving her more change, his cheeks burning hot with humiliation.
When her tone was sharper the second time, all of the pent-up sadness and aggravation bursting out of him at once. The cash register and all of the items on the counter jerked upward several feet into the air as gravity went haywire and crashed back down roughly. Diego heard several things shatter, and a few women screamed as the racks in the immediate vicinity overturned, spilling chips and candy all over the floor. Fuck! He abandoned the small pile of money and the snacks he’d been trying to buy and ran out the door, his heart pounding in his throat. Diego fled until he spotted a bus pulling away from the curb and ran for it, thumping on the glass door until the driver opened up and he scrambled inside.
He’d been seen. His powers had been seen, the thing that Oliver always told him couldn’t happen. He had to be careful. Things like that got reported in certain places, and AIR would be watching for it. Hot and tired and still thirsty, Diego cried for a bit in the back of the bus. He rode it until it took him close to the hospital Oliver was working at. Diego got off and jogged around the side of the building until he found a secluded spot to lift off from. Feeling like he needed to hide from the entire world, he levitated himself up to the hospital roof and found a shady spot to hunker down in. He pulled the cell phone Oliver had given him out of his pocket and stared at it for a long time. What if Oliver decided he was too much trouble? He couldn’t always control himself, and now he’d given their position away. What if he’d doomed them? The longer he sat with it the more upset and scared he got.
Finally, he knew he couldn’t wait any longer, and he pushed the buttons to call Oliver. Diego put the phone to his ear, swiping impatiently at his wet face and drawing his knees up to make himself as small as possible.
Things were going pretty well for Oliver in Arizona. He had settled into a routine as a tech in the psychiatric ward and while he wasn't making a lot of money, he was making just enough that he felt pretty comfortable in the apartment he was renting with Diego. Leasing month to month was more expensive than just signing on long term, but Oliver never knew when they might have to pack up and take off. But things had been pretty quiet lately and Oliver was trying not to get his hopes up that they might be able to stay for a bit.
Oliver had just taken his break and was pulling his phone out to check on Diego. It started vibrating in his hand and he saw Diego's name appear. Smiling a bit, he answered. "I was just about to call you. How's your day?"
Diego meant to answer right away, but the warmth in Oliver’s voice made him have to swallow a couple of times before he could speak. Guilt and shame that he couldn’t do something so basic as buy some water on a hot day flooded in all over again, and he kind of just wanted to launch himself out of the atmosphere at the moment. “I fucked up,” he got out, his voice low and hoarse with emotion. “At the store ... people saw.” Diego turned the phone so the speaker was away from his mouth as his breath hitched and he wiped at fresh tears. Oliver would know what to do, he just hoped that didn’t involve leaving him behind to fend for his own idiot self.
Oliver's smile faded at Diego's strangled words and his heart began to pick up immediately. He looked around, almost expecting to see dark suited men walking down the hall toward him. It was lingering paranoia, but Oliver knew he couldn't panic. Instead he grabbed his light jacket and his personal belongings, pressing the phone between his ear and shoulder as he wrapped them in his jacket in a makeshift pack. He left the locker open, since this would be the last time he stepped foot in the hospital.
"Tell me what happened," Oliver murmured, heading down the hall now for the exits. "Are you okay? Where are you?"
Tell him what happened? Diego didn’t feel capable of explaining his state of mind, how orphaned and lost he’d been feeling, how overheated and thirsty he was, how frustrating it was to not be able to do something that came so easily to everyone else. He felt like a tiny child still in so many ways, and some things just seemed so hard. But Oliver probably wanted him to describe what he’d done and not how he’d felt, so that was what he tried to focus on. “I wrecked some things at a gas station,” he said, then cleared his throat and tried to stop shaking. “I’m on the roof, over you.” Diego couldn’t really say he was okay, so he skipped that part.
"What?" Oliver stopped abruptly and looked up, as if Diego would suddenly appear on the ceiling. He had a feeling he knew how Diego had made it up there and that seemed to force his heart into his throat. "Come down on the side with all of the dumpsters. We'll go from there." Diego occasionally lost control of his abilities, but if no one was around to witness it, Oliver let it go. It was when there were witnesses that Oliver began to panic and think ahead. They wouldn't have much time to get their things and go. It was possible the incident wouldn't register on AIR's radar, but there was still a slim possibility it could, and that slim possibility was all Oliver needed to make the decision to leave.
“Si, that’s where I came up,” Diego mumbled miserably. He wanted to reassure Oliver that no one had seen him float to the roof, but it sounded stupid even in his head, considering what he had done in front of people. He couldn’t tell if Oliver was angry yet or not -- the man seemed to have a deep well of patience, and even though he’d never really lost it, Diego feared the day he did. He had no reason to think it would be terrible, or that Oliver would abandon him, but the fear was still there. “Lo siento,” he said, his voice wavery again. “I didn’t mean to.” Diego stood up from his shady spot to walk back to the edge of the roof where he’d landed.
"I know you didn't. It's going to be okay," Oliver murmured, trying not to glance at everyone who passed him. Even if the cops had been called to the gas station, that didn't mean AIR would be on top of them already. The large doors slid open as he approached and Oliver walked out into the warm air, squinting against the sun. "Just come down safely and we'll go back to the apartment." He didn't want to tell Diego that they had to leave just yet. Maybe Diego had blown what he did out of proportion. Maybe he just panicked and ran when it wasn't that bad. Oliver just needed to know the details first, though instinctively he knew they would be on the road by nightfall.
Diego didn’t see him yet, but he also didn’t see anyone else, so it was probably time to do what he was told. He hung up the phone since Oliver was on his way, swallowing back a plaintive protest about Oliver’s job. Diego knew they had to leave. Probably tonight. There was no job anymore. He’d disrupted their brief stability and there wasn’t anything he could do about it now. The second before he stepped off the edge of the roof, Diego thought about not adjusting his gravity and saving Oliver all of this trouble, but it was a fleeting impulse. He descended like he was riding something invisible down, arms slightly out until his feet were on the ground again. He hung back close to the dumpsters, running his hands restlessly through his hair and looking pained and flushed.
Oliver pocketed the phone and hurried around the length of the building until he caught sight of Diego. Gripping his jacket in one hand, he reached out to Diego with the other, cupping the side of the other man's face. His gaze searched Diego's, looking for any sign of severe distress. "Everything is going to be okay," he promised. "We have to move quickly, though. I just want to know that you're okay. Were you overwhelmed? Did someone frighten you?" So many different things could trigger Diego's abilities, but he had done a pretty good job lately of not putting himself in those positions.
He wanted to grab for him, take his hand, cling on and cry, but Diego still wasn’t used to comfort being available, so he just stared at Oliver with a furrowed brow and sad eyes and fiddled with the edge of his shirt. “I couldn’t -- I was at the library and on their computer but not long enough and then -- then, I walked to a store and I couldn’t ... make the change,” he said, his tone getting agitated. He waved a hand, frustrated with the whole system that didn’t make a lot of sense to him. That feeling passed swiftly though, and he was back to embarrassed. “I got flustered and she was rushing me,” he mumbled. It had been a stupid thing, but sometimes the power just burst out of him, especially when his emotions were high.
Oliver nodded, because he could understand feeling overwhelmed by negative emotions, whether it was anger or just frustration. The issue with that was Oliver didn't risk destruction if he lost control of those feelings. "It's okay, Diego. It's going to happen." He lowered his hand from Diego's cheek to take his hand. "I'm not parked far from here. We need to go." Sometimes every minute counted and Oliver was already starting to worry that they might return to their apartment and find AIR waiting for them. Maybe he was overreacting to the fear, but Oliver knew the moment he let his guard down and believed they would be okay would be the moment the facility showed up to take Diego back.
Diego gripped Oliver’s hand tight and nodded. He had to consciously push back the desire to grab tight to him and curl up and wallow -- Oliver was right, they had to go. They’d barely gotten comfortable in this place, and now they had to pack everything again and abandon it. Usually that happened when it felt like the right time, but this time it was because of Diego’s fuck up and that felt pretty bad. He wordlessly went with Oliver to his car, both of them trying to hurry without looking like they were hurrying. Too late Diego wondered if that side of the hospital had security cameras of any kind. If so, he’d been caught on tape too. Fuck. He tried to push that away too as he climbed into the passenger seat of Oliver’s car, leaning forward to rub at his face and slide agitated fingers through his hair.
Oliver set his jacket and things in the back seat and then buckled his seat belt before starting the engine. Then he looked over at Diego and reached out to grip his hand tight. "Hey. Take a breath. All that matters to me is that you're okay. We're going to be fine." He had some money saved up, thanks to this job and they would get by all right until they found somewhere else to settle for a bit. Oliver brought Diego's hand to his lips, where he kissed it before releasing him to ease the car out of the parking spot. "What were you looking for on the internet?"
The kiss to his hand helped a little bit, but Diego still felt bad about the whole thing. They’d moved around a lot in the past ten months, was that just going to be what they had to do for the rest of their lives? They would if he kept fucking up. He never seemed to have a problem controlling his power when Oliver was around, but Diego chalked that up to his calming presence and love. He nodded and took a couple of those recommended breaths, sitting back so he could slouch low in the car seat. “Mi familia,” he answered. “And the news.” He’d told Oliver about his fruitless attempts to locate any relatives he might still have in El Salvador, and while it was always disappointing, today it had just really gotten to him.
As Oliver drove back in the direction of home, he glanced at Diego, taking in the sight of the disappointment in his lover's face. If he had a way of finding Diego's family, he would. Maybe someday they would have enough money to travel there together, or Oliver could hire a PI, or something. Now that they were on the road, Oliver reached out to rub his hand over Diego's leg comfortingly. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "Maybe we can find a cheap computer soon, so you can use it at home..." Anything to make Diego's life easier. And Oliver was already thinking he could get one of those pre-paid credit cards, so Diego didn't have to worry about cash.
Diego moved his hand to lightly cover Oliver’s for a moment, then he pulled it up to put the back of it to his cheek. Now that he was actually being touched on a regular basis, he’d found it to be a great comfort. From Oliver, at least, but Oliver was really the only person who mattered in his world. Trying to find his family was likely a pipe dream, and Diego didn’t even know what he would do if he managed to locate them. If they were even still alive. Maybe the faces he had in his head weren’t even theirs anymore. How could he know anything about himself? He tried to push all of that down for the moment, tried to focus on what they had to do next. The time to move would have come around eventually, but Diego hated that he’d rushed it this time. He just nodded at what Oliver said, then kissed his knuckles and let his hand go.
There was silence in the car for a few moments, but as Oliver stopped at a red light, he looked over at Diego. "What convenience store did you stop at?" He wanted to drive by, just to see if the cops had been called. Maybe it was dangerous, but he would at least know how much time they had to get away if the cops were there. There was always the possibility that AIR wouldn't be around, that they wouldn't pick up on the incident, but there was always the possibility that they had. The never knowing was what drove Oliver crazy. The fear.
“The Shell between our house and the library,” Diego answered, his brown eyes sliding to Oliver as his brow furrowed with concern. They were still learning about one another and likely would be doing so for a long time to come, but Diego thought he knew why Oliver was asking. “Don’t go there, Oliver, please,” he added, looking pained at the idea. He could understand why, but he didn’t even want to drive by there again. What if someone recognized him? What if the cops were there -- or worse, AIR? -- and they were ready to take him away? That was probably an overestimation of both of those agencies, since it had barely been over an hour since he blew up, but still.
Oliver knew immediately which gas station Diego was describing. "I have to," Oliver said, glancing at Diego as he began to drive again. "I won't get close. But I need to know if they had called the police. If you didn't take anything when you ran then they might not have." They would still have to leave. Oliver could tell Diego not to visit that gas station anymore, but given what had happened there, they lived too close for Diego not to be recognized if he was out and about. "We'll be okay, I promise."
“Dios mío, of course I didn’t take anything,” Diego muttered miserably. He’d even left the money he’d put on the counter already, so if anything the gas station benefitted from the whole thing. Or they’d at least broken even, since he’d made a mess. Fuck, that was property damage, wasn’t it? The place wasn’t even in sight yet, but Diego slouched as low as he could get in the seat, crossing his arms over his chest and turning his face toward the passenger side window. His heartbeat felt too thick behind his ribs somehow, and he wished fruitlessly for a hat he could pull down over his unruly hair. And his face. And his whole body really, if it would stretch that far. He tried to make himself as small and close to the door as possible.
Oliver knew Diego wouldn't steal anything. But in the panic of the moment, it would be understandable if he just ran out with something in his hand. As he drove, he glanced at Diego with a frown. He reached over to slip his hand behind Diego's neck, needing to reach a bit given how curled in on himself he was. They weren't too far from the gas station, and Oliver planned on taking a different route around it. But if the cops had been called, he'd be able to see the cars at the light a block away. He wasn't worried. "I won't let anything happen to you," he murmured, because he had said it many times and he hoped by now Diego believed him. "Please trust me."
Diego did believe him, or he at least believed that Oliver would do anything in his power to protect him. He just knew that Oliver couldn’t control everything. He wasn’t Superman. Diego felt like they’d gotten very lucky in the escape, and their luck might not hold through everything else. Besides that, he still struggled with years and years of conditioning to be afraid of authority. He’d thrown plenty of tantrums in the facility and resisted them as best he could, but when one had been institutionalized as long as he had, it was hard to shake every visceral reaction he had to uniforms and People In Charge. Not to mention the fear that AIR would find them and take him away again. But regular cops were scary all on their own to a paperless Hispanic with limited English. “I do trust you,” he murmured, and left it at that.
Oliver placed both hands on the wheel, internally debating for a moment. He felt locked into Diego's emotions more than ever and rather than turn down the street that would lead to the gas station, he continued to drive straight, taking the back route to their apartment instead. He supposed even if the cops hadn't been called, they would have to leave. If they had, well, that just meant they had less time to get their things and go, and maybe Oliver shouldn't be wasting precious minutes to check as the outcome would remain the same. Minutes later he was pulling into the small parking lot of their apartment building, his gaze scanning the area for any unfamiliar cars or police officers. "We'll take anything we can," he murmured as he pulled the car into their designated spot. "We'll choose a new place on the map when we're out of town, okay?"
He was familiar enough with the town that he recognized when Oliver didn’t take the turn, and Diego glanced over at him a little uncertainly. It was a relief though. The further they got from that place, the better he felt. Not good, but better. He was sitting up straighter by the time they got to the apartment building, and his stomach twisted with nerves all over again. Now they had to quickly pack and leave. It wasn’t anything they hadn’t done before, but something about it always made him jumpy anyway. “Okay,” he echoed quietly. Diego wanted to ask if Oliver was upset with him, but he swallowed it back. There was too much to do, he could fret and wallow later, when they were in the car for hours again. Diego popped his door open and moved to climb out.
Oliver walked with Diego to the apartment building, doing his best to push down the disappointment of having to leave. He liked Arizona, and his job had been good to him. He didn't blame Diego for it. They both knew things like this might happen, and this wasn't the first place they were having to leave. But every now and then he started to feel settled, and it was a good feeling. Oliver knew he would get over it, probably by the time they crossed state lines. Diego was his priority, and he loved him more than he loved his job. When they got to their apartment, Oliver unlocked it with his key and stepped back so Diego could enter first. It was a small place, a one bedroom with the tiniest kitchen he had ever seen. It wouldn't take much for them to pack up as they didn't have much to start with. Before they started, however, Oliver took Diego's arm and pulled him close before hugging him tight.
There were days when Diego actually missed the facility. Not the abuse or the isolation, exactly, but the structure of it. He’d always known what to expect there. He’d never had to make the big decisions for himself. There had been security in that. Out here, everything was so mutable, they could be in one state one day and another the next. The freedom was incredible and he loved it, but on days when everything felt chaotic and scary, part of him missed the stability. Not that he would ever tell Oliver that. What he had now was worth the sacrifice. Diego was keenly reminded of that when Oliver grabbed hold of him. He didn’t hesitate to lock his arms around his man and tuck his face into the crook of Oliver’s neck. Hot tears stung his eyes again and he swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry,” he murmured once more, not sure he could say it enough times to cover all the things Oliver had given up for him. Arizona was just the tip of the iceberg.
More than anything, Oliver wanted to provide Diego with some stability. To be able to settle somewhere and build a life together. He wasn't sure yet if that was possible though, and his doubts grew even more when things like this happened. Maybe over time things would change, but they were both still young, they both had to learn how to adjust to this life together. His hand slid into Diego's hair and he turned his face enough to press a kiss against the side of Diego's face. "You don't need to say you're sorry to me. I'm sorry you found yourself in that position. I'll do better, I promise." He had to figure out a way to make things easier for Diego. "We're learning all of this together. We'll be okay."
He was right, they were both learning as they went. Diego knew that, and that he shouldn’t be hard on himself, but it was still difficult not to sometimes. They’d both had to make huge adjustments, and it hadn’t even been a full year yet. They would figure it out. He had to believe that. What he didn’t want was Oliver blaming himself, so he lifted his head to look at him, hands fisting in the back of his shirt to keep him close. “You do amazing, this wasn’t your fault,” Diego told him, sniffling a bit. He dipped his head in to kiss Oliver softly. They would be okay, because they had each other, and as long as that didn’t change, Diego could deal with anything. He lingered in his boyfriend’s mouth for a moment, then loosened his grip a bit. “Let’s get moving.”
Oliver smiled softly, hoping it would make Diego feel a bit better. Then he cupped Diego's face and nuzzled him before stepping back. They had packing to do. The benefit of moving a lot meant they didn't have much to take. It didn't take Oliver very long to fill his duffel bag with his clothes, shoes and toiletries. He grabbed some of the non-perishable foods to take with them as well. When he finished, he took the apartment key off of his key ring to set on the kitchen counter. "Are you ready?" he asked Diego, trying to remember if there was anything else in the apartment he wanted to take.
Kisses and nuzzles and Oliver smiles always made Diego feel better, and the tension in his chest eased a bit before he got to work. He had just as few possessions as Oliver did, though he’d come a long way from just a pillowcase with some books in it. So it didn’t take long for Diego to pack it all up into a duffel and a backpack. He emerged from the single bathroom after a final check for anything they’d left behind and nodded his head to the question. “All packed,” he said. Diego glanced around the tiny apartment with its meager furniture with another pang of regret. It had been a nice little place to live, and he was sorry to leave it prematurely ... but there would be other nice places for them down the road. He hoped, anyway. Diego moved to the door, bags in hand, then stepped out when Oliver joined him.
Oliver shut the door behind them when they were both in the hall. He knew they had enough gas in the car to last a couple of hours. They would probably be staying in motels for the next week or so, until they decided where to temporarily settle again. As they walked to the car, Oliver glanced around again, looking for anyone or anything out of place. It was such a stressful moment that he was sure his heart was about to seize. They had made it this far without being found, but Oliver was still waiting for that moment when they were caught. "You pick the direction," Oliver told Diego, needing to talk to keep from giving in to the potential panic. "Wherever you want to go..."
Diego was looking too, but he felt more resigned to whatever was going to happen. As it turned out, nothing happened. They made it to the car unmolested, tucked the bags into the back, and then got inside. He was thinking about it, but didn’t answer Oliver’s offer until the engine was started again. “West,” he decided. “To the ocean, if we can make it. I need to see the water.” They hadn’t spent much time yet on any of the coasts, and now that they were so far south, Diego found himself craving a beach. One that better matched the vague memories he had from childhood than the rocky coasts of the Pacific Northwest. Now that he’d spent some time in the desert, Diego thought he needed water close by. “Please,” he added, glancing over at Oliver.
West. The lure of the ocean was great, though Oliver worried about the cost of living so close to the Pacific. But they would be all right. They could find a place that suited them, once he got a job. "We'll go west then," he said with a smile, because he wanted Diego to smile too, despite the stress of the day. "I've never been swimming in the ocean before and I've always wanted to see the sunset on the beach." In all the panic and fear of the day, Oliver couldn't help but feel some excitement now that they had a new destination. The ocean represented happiness to so many people, maybe it would be the same for them. "Even better, it won't be as long of a drive to get there."
He was completely clueless about how expensive southern California could be, but Diego would happily live in a hostel for a while if it meant he got to be on a beach. It wouldn’t take Oliver long to find work, help in the medical field was needed everywhere. A faint smile surfaced to answer Oliver’s, and the rest of what he said made it grow. “Then maybe finally I will show you something for the first time,” he said, reaching over to give Oliver’s thigh a gentle squeeze. “I was very young, but I’ve been to the sea, and there’s nothing like it.” Standing with that salty wind in his face, watching the sun go down with Oliver sounded divine to him at the moment. Like a dream. Maybe it was just that he hadn’t seen very many things in his life and his captive mind had needed something beautiful to cling to, but Diego had always felt intensely in love with the ocean.
Oliver had no idea what was ahead, but he loved seeing Diego smile. At least he was anticipating it, despite what had happened today. Maybe the west coast would do them some good. Diego could visit the beach as often as he wanted while Oliver was working. Maybe it would bring him some peace when he was feeling stressed out. "Well, I can't wait to see it with you," Oliver said. "I may need you to help me with the map." He motioned to the glove compartment where he kept the various maps taken from gas stations. They were nearing the highway now and Oliver glanced in the rearview mirror, still looking for anything suspicious. He had grown used to this level of paranoia. It was a stressful way to live, but it was their new normal now. "We should think of other places we want to visit someday, if we have to leave the ocean. Other places across the country. There's so much I want to see."
Diego pulled the road atlas out when Oliver mentioned it. It was kind of funny -- he hadn’t had the first clue where in the United States he’d been when Oliver had rescued him, and now he was really good at reading maps. Unlike money, those made sense to him. He had a surprisingly good sense of direction for someone who’d lived in a 12x12 room for most of his life. He flipped the book open to Arizona, found where they’d been living for the past few months, and started plotting the course toward California. “We can make a plan,” he agreed. Diego told Oliver which interstate to get on when he saw the sign, then went on. “There is a lot I want to see too, even if I don’t know what half of it is yet. ... where do you want to go?” He smiled faintly, Maybe having their next destination in mind would make an abrupt departure easier next time. Both of them knew it wasn’t ‘if’ they had to leave the ocean, it was ‘when.’
"Oh, the typical things... the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore, The Statue of Liberty. New Orleans. The Atlantic ocean, after I see the Pacific. I'm sure there are other places to visit." Of course, traveling to all of those places would cost money. Knowing he had a savings account that he couldn't touch with money from his father's life insurance was rather painful, especially when the first of the month came around and rent was due wherever they ended up. It wasn't a ton of money, but it was enough that they would have been comfortable for a while. Maybe someday he would be brave enough to try and withdraw from it. Oliver glanced at Diego. "What about you, mi amor? Where would you like to go someday?"
The US was big and varied, and Diego was sure they would find dozens of other interesting places between the big ones. He didn’t really have any sense of patriotism about the country, but he’d read enough about it being beautiful that he wanted to explore it. It was home now, for better or worse, especially since Diego was failing at finding any of his family in El Salvador. They couldn’t go there with nothing and no idea how the country worked. Oliver was American, and Diego was following his lead on everything. He tried to think of anything that wasn’t ‘the beach,’ now that the ocean was in his head, so it took him a moment to answer, watching the world around them speed up as they got onto the highway. “I would like to see some of the big cities,” he answered, looking over at Oliver again with a faint smile. “New York, Los Angeles ... maybe go down to Miami. I have read there’s a big Hispanic population there, we can blend in better. But mostly I just want to know what they feel like. Big cities.”
"Well, the Statue of Liberty is in New York City, so maybe we'll plan on that someday. We can hit Chicago on our way. I'd love to visit Miami, too." All of those places were east, but at least they had something in mind now, if and when they had to leave California. "I think some big cities might feel differently than others. It'll be interesting to see how we feel about them." They would certainly be able to get lost in the crowd, so to speak. But Oliver also worried that AIR might have people all over, looking. Small towns in the middle of nowhere felt safer to him... yet they would stick out more too, especially if Diego lost control again. "But right now... we're going to the ocean. It feels like a new chapter."
A new chapter. That was an optimistic way to look at it, and Diego resolved to try and absorb that attitude. They might eventually come back to Arizona, to some other town, but for now they were moving on and starting their beach chapter. And California had a lot of coastline, so if Diego fucked up again, they could just move north. But he was going to really try not to. Now that they were on their way, he relaxed further in his seat and let his head fall back. “A new chapter,” he echoed softly in English. That was something else he had to work on. But, everything with time.
Several hours later, they were driving into a suburb of San Diego, California. Diego had been tickled to see his name on the map, and he took it as a good sign that it was the closest big-ish city on the coast. Since they hadn’t driven all day long, he hoped it was far enough away to hide them if AIR did end up looking. But there was no way to control that, so Diego just helped Oliver look for a motel for them for the night. Job and apartment hunting would come the next day, as it always did. But for now Diego was glad to get somewhere else and get settled. After they’d put their stuff down in the room, he kept being drawn to the window to peek out of it. It wasn’t paranoia this time, but a growing excitement that they were so close to the ocean. “Can we go?” he asked Oliver finally, looking back over his shoulder at him.
Oliver was used to these kinds of motels by now, and not for the first time he wondered if they might ever have a bed that was theirs. He had gotten kind of sweaty driving in the sun for so long, so he was changing his shirt when Diego asked if they could go. He knew what Diego meant and Oliver tugged his shirt down over his abdomen before smiling softly. "Yes, we can go." It had been a rough day, so he thought maybe they could enjoy the sunset on the beach and then treat themselves to a decent meal tonight instead of fast food. It was probably stupid to spend the money they needed on food, but fuck it, everyone needed to splurge every once in a while. "Should we drive? Or do you want to walk. I don't think it's more than a mile or so..." Maybe a bit more, but they had been driving for so long, Oliver didn't really want to get back in the car.
“Walk,” Diego said without a single hesitation. His legs needed stretching, and he’d come to really enjoy walking around wherever they were living. He still had his shoes on and everything important in his pockets, so she just grabbed for Oliver’s hand to lead him out of the room. The day had started out pretty bad, but now they were in a new place close to the sea, and that always felt like a giant reset button. A new chapter, like Oliver had said. Those could begin in the evening time, couldn’t they? The air felt fresher somehow when they stepped out, and Diego felt some sort of weight lift from his chest. They were in a new place now, with the ocean close by, and maybe things would work out even better here. Maybe. After orienting himself a tiny bit, he set off in what he thought was the right direction with his man, still holding Oliver’s hand.
With his hand in Diego's, they began to walk in the direction of the ocean. Oliver could smell the salt water from where they were and admittedly, it was rejuvenating. Yes, he still worried about where they were going to live, and if he could find a job, but Oliver was determined not to let those thoughts control him until the morning. Tonight he wanted to enjoy this place with Diego, and hopefully take Diego's mind off of what had happened in Arizona that morning. There were people everywhere, and it looked like plenty of places to eat, so maybe it would be easy to get lost in the new environment. "I like that we can smell the ocean before we see it," Oliver murmured.
Diego shut his eyes briefly and breathed in deep. He could smell it too, the warm salt in the air, and something deep in his chest clenched happily. He knew that smell. It was a different coastline in a different country, but all of the ocean was connected. So in a way he would be stepping back into somewhere that had once been home ... with the man who had become his home after long years of not really having one. Diego couldn’t wait. “Second best smell in the world,” he said, looking over with a little smile. Diego leaned in to kiss his cheek without breaking stride. “You’re the first.” It was sappy and dumb, probably, but Diego lived for sappy these days. Oliver was his everything, and he wanted to make that clear in as many ways as he could, all the time.
Oliver cocked a brow and then laughed, squeezing Diego's hand. "I appreciate that. I think I pick some pretty decent soap." He was teasing, because he knew what Diego meant. He didn't find any of Diego's compliments to be dumb, and he was always willing to embrace sappy. He had been raised with affection from his grandmother and father, and it felt nice to have it again after going without for so long. "It does smell nice though. Refreshing, almost. I'm starting to realize why people want to live on the beach." It was strange to think that he had been working at a hospital in Phoenix less than eight hours ago. It was like two different lives, one he turned on and one he turned off when it was time to leave things behind. "Are you feeling better?" he asked Diego, keeping his voice light.
Part of it was the soap, but most of it was just Oliver. Diego had lived in such a sanitized, routine world, and then Oliver had swept into like a romantic hero. Diego still got a happy tingle when he remembered getting close that first time, and breathing him in. Even all these months later, he still felt privileged to be able to bury his nose in Oliver whenever he wanted. Well, almost whenever, work still had to be done. But not tonight. Tonight was theirs, in a new place with a new environment and each other, and that was all they needed. “Yes,” he answered, looking over at his man with a smile. Diego squeezed his hand a bit. “You always take care of me, mi corazón.” Some day he hoped to be able to really return the favor, instead of being a burdensome pain in the ass. Diego knew Oliver had chosen this life with him, but neither of them had really known what it would entail.
Oliver never believed Diego to be a burden. The nature of their life right now could be a burden, but it was the unpredictability of it that affected Oliver the most. He felt like he was getting better at handling unexpected changes though. There was something to be said for having something to live for, to push for. Diego was that something to him. "I do what I can." He brought Diego's hand up to kiss again. "I know things haven't been the easiest for us, but this has been the best year of my life." That probably sounded cheesy and dumb, but Oliver didn't care. It was the absolute truth.
It didn’t sound anything but wonderful to Diego, especially after how the day had started out. He knew he was naive about relationships and probably needy and high maintenance, but hearing that Oliver felt it was all worth it always made him feel like he was floating on air. He wanted to stop and pull Oliver in for a kiss, but he decided to save it for the beach itself. He was eager to get there. So he just beamed at him instead. “There is no question it has been the best in mine,” Diego said with feeling. Obvious, maybe, but still meaningful. If he let himself start gushing about all the ways Oliver had saved him, he would talk the entire way there, so he stopped at that. “I love you,” he added.
"I love you." Oliver smiled, because he never got tired of hearing those words, or even saying them. Even if their relationship had never blossomed, even if it had stayed platonic, Oliver was sure he would have still saved Diego from that place. But he didn't like to think too much about what ifs. All that mattered was today and trying to stay one step ahead of AIR, if they were out searching for them. It had been a year, but that didn't mean anything. They were getting closer to the beach now. Instinctively Oliver could tell by the sky, and the seagulls flying overhead. There was a parking lot across the street they were approaching and Oliver could see the blue from the water just past it. As soon as they crossed the street Oliver felt himself walk a bit faster. The closer they got, the more eager he felt. And then they were heading to the sand, though Oliver's gaze was locked immediately on the ocean itself. He had seen it in pictures, of course, and in movies and everything. But seeing it for himself was a completely different experience.
Diego was more than happy to pick up the pace as they made their way across the parking lot toward the beach. It was so right there, only a thin boardwalk and some steps separating the sand from the rest of the world, but it still felt like stepping into someplace different. Diego realized he was gripping Oliver’s hand harder and made himself ease up as emotion flooded through him. The salty breeze, the cries of the gulls, the way the light glittered off the water ... it was so beautiful, and so familiar. It made him want to fall to his knees and cry, or just rush headlong into the waves. Diego tore his gaze away to look at his man, and Oliver looked as awed as he felt, which made his heart clench happily. Oliver was seeing it for the first time, and Diego thought he should have something profound to say, but he didn’t, so he just moved in closer and put his arm around Oliver’s waist for a moment so they could stare together, both awash with feelings.
It was definitely beautiful in a way that Oliver found to be indescribable. Even though they weren't alone on the beach, it still felt kind of like it was there solely for them. How had he never visited the ocean before? Why hadn't they come here in the first place? He held Diego's hand tightly and breathed in the salty air before tugging Diego along to head down into the sand. It only took a few steps for him to pause and realized he needed to take his shoes and socks off. "Let's get our feet wet," he murmured, releasing Diego's hand to kneel down and start untying his sneakers.
He was grinning from ear to ear now. Diego crouched to get his own shoes and socks off, then rolled his pant legs up to just under the knee before he stood up again. The sun was going down, painting the sky all sorts of gorgeous colors, and that constant salty breeze made him feel so fucking good. Once Oliver was ready too, Diego grabbed his hand again and strode over the sand toward where the water was lapping at the shore. It was chilly as it hit his bare feet, but in the most refreshing sort of way. Diego let out a laugh that was pure joy, and pulled Oliver in close to kiss him, one hand coming up to cup the side of his jaw. Over the months since they’d left Washington, he’d felt Free many times, but this one was particularly exhilarating.
Oliver had rolled his jeans up as much as he could, but found he didn't really care if they got wet. They would dry, after all. The water was cold, but he loved it anyway. His feet sunk a bit in the sand and who would have thought that would turn out to be one of his favorite things in the world? Seeing Diego so happy was one of his other favorite things and he was grinning when Diego moved in to kiss him. As stressful as it had been to have to leave Arizona, maybe it was for the best. Maybe they could be happy here, so close to the ocean. If it brought Diego this much joy, Oliver wanted him to have it. Oliver gripped Diego's shirt, kissing him with enthusiasm. When they pulled back, Oliver nuzzled his nose to Diego's. "Let's walk..." He would walk for hours if he could, just to feel the water brush up against his feet every few seconds.
It was already everything Diego had wanted it to be, and he hoped they got to stay for a while. He would be extra careful to make sure he stayed in control, he promised himself. He wanted Oliver to be able to relax as much as they possibly could, he deserved that. He nodded at what Oliver said and gave him one more squeeze before he let go and turned so they could head down the beach. Diego linked their hands again and turned his face into the wind, eyes shutting for a moment. Oliver had warned him early on that there were some places people might react badly to seeing the two of them be affectionate in public, but he didn't seem worried about this being one of those places, so Diego didn’t worry either. “My father and all my uncles were fishermen,” he said, his tone a bit dreamy. There was a lot that Diego didn’t remember, but he clung to the things that he did. “I remember how his hands smelled when he came home every day.”
As with every place they visited, Oliver figured they would stay as long as they could. Until something happened, or Oliver felt deep in his gut that it was time to go. He tried to follow his instincts. At least he liked to think it was instinctual and not pure paranoia. With his shoes in one hand, and the other gripping Diego's, Oliver found he didn't even need to talk. He could just look and breathe in and let it soothe him. He knew how large the ocean was, but it just went on and on and on. It was wonderful. Oliver wasn't worried about others judging them as they walked by. He knew California was fairly liberal, but he was sure there were places they needed to be a bit more discreet. There were bigots everywhere, unfortunately. Oliver looked over at Diego as he spoke and he smiled softly. "Did he smell like the ocean?"
It felt so good to walk with no shoes on and the sand sinking slightly with every step. He’d almost never worn shoes in the facility, and trying to adapt to a shoed life was challenging. Another reason to love the beach. Diego was taking nicely deep breaths as they walked, letting that salty air soak in deep. Something about it felt healing. Or maybe he was overromanticizing it, but wasn’t he entitled? Diego wasn’t overthinking it, he was just enjoying the fuck out of the moment. “With stronger fish smell than this, but yes,” he told Oliver, smiling fondly. “Salt and the sea and the sun ... his face is faded to me now, but I remember that smell.” And now he had even more good memories to tie to the scent of the ocean, and hopefully even more to come.
"If it smelled anything like this, then it must be a good memory," Oliver said with a small smile. He had been with his grandmother and father long enough that their faces were still so clear in his memory. His mother had died when he was three, and all he had were pictures of her to know her face. But he had been lucky. He hadn't been taken from his family at a young age the way Diego had. "We should have come earlier," Oliver said. "I didn't know it would be this peaceful, even with so many people here. We should get seafood tonight." He chuckled. "Stay on theme."
It was a good memory, and not just because it was one of the few that Diego had. He could recall that smell and the stomach-drop feeling of being scooped up off his feet and up to adult heights. He remembered those fishy hands tickling him, ruffling his hair, fingers thick and knuckley from a lifetime of hard work. Diego wondered for the millionth time if his parents were still alive somewhere, missing him, but he tried not to dwell there at the moment. He’d been reunited with the ocean, at least, and Oliver was with him. Diego tried to save his sad-sacking for when he wasn’t around. “It soothes the soul,” he agreed, squeezing Oliver’s hand again. Then he grinned brighter, the prospect of food making him feel even better about life. “Yes! That sounds perfect.” He’d eaten seafood since his jail break, but it stood to reason it would be better quality this close to the source. “And maybe sometime tomorrow we can come and actually get in.” He kicked at the water a bit just to splash.
More than anything Oliver wished they could find a way to find Diego's family. It was hard without a lot of resources and they didn't really have the money to hire a private investigator to do the work for them. There was also the possibility that Diego's parents were dead, and he worried about that too. He hoped that maybe someday they would be able to track down Diego's family, but it would have to wait. So for now, all Oliver could do was be as much as family for Diego as he could be. "We can come back tomorrow and get in," Oliver promised. He would need to start looking for a job immediately, but that didn't mean he couldn't take a break and take a proper swim in the ocean, even if the water was cold. He smiled at Diego. "You look like you belong here. Child of the sea. Or... hot guy of the sea, is probably more accurate."
Diego would dive in even if it was freezing, just to feel the relentless motion of it and the salt and that hugeness that wasn’t rivaled by anything else on earth. At least as far as he knew. He wasn’t the only one drawn to it though, just the other people out for walks in the sand were evidence enough for that. He laughed a bit at what Oliver said, delighted. He would take either one. “Maybe I was a mermaid in a past life,” he said with a grin. It was probably that deep connection to the ocean was in his family’s blood, but it was more fun to picture himself with a fish tail, singing to a handsome sailor Oliver. “I would steal you off of a ship into the ocean with me,” he added, bumping playfully into Oliver as they walked.
Oliver laughed. "I would gladly drown with you," he said, bringing Diego's hand up to kiss again. It was amazing what some fresh air and beautiful scenery could do for his mood. What had happened earlier that day felt like it had happened in a different life, at another time. Like he had told Diego, this was a new chapter for them. A fresh start. One of many to come, he was sure, but they were happy enough here already and that was all that mattered. With a nice walk on the beach, and hopefully a good meal later, that might give Oliver more motivation and energy to find a job that would allow them to stay here for a while. It was clearly doing wonders for Diego's mood, and that made the inconvenience of everything worth it.