Who: Jared and Ty When: late night, Friday, Jan 12th Where: Ty’s place Status: Complete
It had been a strange, up and down sort of week for Ty. He’d been trying to keep it under control, to elevate his bad moods and temper the crazy highs he’d been getting off and on, but it was difficult. He’d always been a rather reserved person when it came to demonstrating emotion, and feeling like he was either on top of the world or wanting to crawl into the earth and stay there was difficult to keep under wraps. It was tiring. Ty was concerned about what was happening to him, pretty sure that these mood swings were related to what had happened to him, but it was all so bizarre and scary, it was hard to think about. Especially on the days when he felt like he could conquer armies with his bare hands.
Ty had been sleeping deeply on Thursday night. Jared was home with him, they’d had takeout and sucked each other off, then gone to bed early -- Ty had an early shift in the morning and Jared was pretty tired. He didn’t think anything of it, and fell into a pleasant sleep. He had no idea what time it was when he woke up again, the room thickly dark and shadowy, his heart pounding away in his chest. Ty was covered in a cold sweat and he was filled with a sense of terror, like there was somebody dangerous in the room.
He quickly sat up and tossed the covers off of him, scrambling out of bed and to the dresser where his service pistol was resting. He looked around, his eyes adjusting to the gloom, but there was nobody else in the room. Ty snatched it up out of the holster and clicked the safety off, moving toward the door to stick his head out and listen, breath held.
Jared had been tired a lot this week and it made him wonder if he too had some kind of trauma based depression going on. These last few weeks had been exhausting but he wasn't used to feeling like this, so drained of energy that all he wanted to do was sleep. He was usually fine at work but coming home and spending time with Ty had him crawling into bed early or falling asleep on the couch. He didn't like it one bit. He was sleeping soundly when Ty got out of bed but something about the urgency of it and the tension radiating off Ty like electricity disturbed that sleep, slowly pulling him out of his slumber and up to the surface of waking. He frowned, not ready to be there yet, but blinked his eyes open and peered out into the darkness. "Ty?" he whispered, his body suddenly cold and tense once he heard that all too familiar click. "What are you doing?" He couldn't see very well but he didn't dare reach out to turn on the light, his heart beating faster as he slowly pushed himself up on his elbow.
Ty heard Jared stir -- everything was loud in the middle of the night -- and he looked over and put a finger to his lips, letting out a quiet ‘shhh.’ He hadn’t actually heard anything in the house yet, but his gut was telling him there was someone threatening in the vicinity, and Ty trusted his gut. Years of experience as a cop had given him a sixth sense about these things, and Ty would be damned before he let any harm get to Jared. He didn’t bother with any explanation, a waste of time and a possible alert to the intruder that he was awake. Ty left the bedroom, walking on his toes so his steps were quick but silent. He held his pistol at the ready, starting to methodically search and clear the rooms in the apartment, feeling like every inch of skin was prickling with awareness.
Jared was groggy and confused but at the same time he felt wide awake because someone was in the apartment. At least that's what his brain was screaming at him as he rolled silently out of bed. There was no way he was letting Ty deal with some intruder on his own while he cowered in bed so he found his own gun, not bothering with clothes as he snuck after Ty. He made a soft 'psst' sound at him to let him know he was there, the last thing they needed was to get the other confused for a stranger. The apartment wasn't that big and after less than a minute Jared was questioning whether there was a real threat or if Ty was just having another episode of some sort. His adrenaline was still high so the thought was a bit foggy and he wasn't about to suggest it until they'd cleared every square foot.
Ty’s body gave a little jerk when Jared made himself known, but he wasn’t surprised that his boyfriend had gotten up to follow him. Jared had keen cop senses too, and he could probably feel that there was someone around just as well as Ty did. They searched together, and when the first pass didn’t find anything, Ty went back to do it again, opening all of the closet and cabinet doors. On his third pass, he turned on lights as he went too, a sick sort of feeling growing in his stomach. That sense that he was in danger was still there, but there was no one in the apartment. He almost felt pissed about that fact. It was much more disturbing to feel threatened by nothing. When he couldn’t doubt anymore that the place was empty and secure, Ty stopped in the kitchen and put his gun down on the counter to free his hands up and rub them hard against his face.
Jared quit shortly after that first pass and watched Ty tear through the house with growing concern. He didn't try to stop him, wanting him to dispel all his doubts first. When Ty finally stopped on his own it wasn't really reassuring, not the way it so obviously had him defeated. "Baby," Jared said quietly and set his own gun on top of the fridge before stepping closer to Ty. "What's going on?" He was calmer now, a bit better at forming thoughts but it didn't really feel like a good thing at the moment, not when worry was gnawing at him, reminding him of all the previous instances when Ty went off the rails. He hated that he was worried Ty would snap at him now, that he was overly aware of that gun at his side.
Ty kept his face covered for a few heartbeats, struggling to get his internal bearings. He didn’t feel as out of control as he had felt those other days, but something sure as fuck felt off. There was no one in the apartment, but that didn’t mean his gut was lying to him. There had to be some other source of that bad feeling, even if it was all in his head. “I dunno ... maybe ... bad dream I don’t remember?” Ty let his hands drop to the counter and gave Jared a haunted sort of look. “I just woke up feeling ... I dunno, like I was in danger.” The feeling was very gradually fading, at least the urgency of it, but that just gave him more room to worry about himself.
His expression both worried and reassured Jared - it was just good to see his face and know he was sane, even if he probably didn't feel like it. Jared sucked his teeth and stepped closer, wrapping his arms around him. Ty needed something more than just a hug from a big, naked Texan but maybe it would help a little - hopefully. "The house is clear," he murmured. "It's not weird to feel like you're in danger with everything that's been going on. Could've been a bad dream, could just be your body still hasn't gotten over the shock it went through. You're okay though, I got you." He rubbed Ty's back gently as he spoke, keeping his voice low and gentle.
The hug did help, Jared’s skin on his always helped, and Ty wrapped his arms loosely around his man’s waist and tried to listen to him. He tried to make his body listen to him, because every cell in Ty still felt on high alert, convinced there was danger close by. The adrenaline was making him feel kind of trembly and sick. Whatever was happening, he didn’t like it. “Somebody’s gonna try to kill me,” he whispered, a cold chill running down his back. The thought wasn’t fully formed until it came out of his mouth, but he felt completely certain all of the sudden that it was true. Ty wasn’t one to believe much in premonitions, but he’d also never had a gut feeling this clear and strong.
It didn't make a lick of sense but Jared thought he understood where it came from. Ty had faced certain death very recently, it made sense that he was still shaken from the experience. Only the way he said it didn't sound like that was the case, it made Jared's skin crawl like thinking about the Sadie shaped spectre did or that damn ice cream truck, or the tunnels. He felt colder suddenly, his grip on Ty tightening before pulled back just enough to look at him. "Ty," he said softly, trying to be the voice of reason, as much for himself as for Ty. "Nobody's after you and even if they were, I wouldn't let them near you.” If those monsters came back with intent to kill Jared knew he wouldn't be able to stop them but Ty hadn't said 'something', he'd said 'someone' and the image of some shady mothefucker sneaking into their house was a little too clear in Jared's head.
Ty avoided Jared’s eyes for a moment, his gaze roaming around the over-bright kitchen instead like there might be someone there he’d missed somehow. Jared couldn’t be with him all the time, especially since they couldn’t work together. The threat might not be immediate, but it was coming, it was real. That was what something in the back of his head was muttering, anyway. Ty took a deep breath and held it as he looked at Jared finally, nodding slightly. “Yeah, it’s probably just ... leftover paranoia,” he muttered as he exhaled slowly. A PTSD symptom, wasn’t it? God, he didn’t need this, he didn’t want this shit. The last thing he needed was to be taken off of duty or forced to see a shrink forever and ever or something. Ty didn’t know who he was if he wasn’t a cop. He tried to force it all down and dredge up a little smile for Jared. “Let’s go back to bed.”
Jared couldn't help that crease between his brows as he studied Ty's face, completely at a loss at how to help him. Going back to bed was the logical thing to do but he still couldn't help but worry Ty would just lie awake for hours, still afraid and paranoid. It was a little chilly to be standing out there naked though so if they didn't go back to bed, Jared was going to need to get dressed. He let go of Ty a bit reluctantly and grabbed some water from the fridge. It might not fix anything but everything was just a little better when you were hydrated. "Do you remember what you were dreaming about?" he asked softly, his hand at the base of Ty's spine as they headed back to the bedroom. That was the only logical explanation for Ty's sudden rush of fear - some half forgotten nightmare. Jared just worried there wasn't a logical explanation for it, like there wasn't a logical explanation for a lot of things that were going on.
Ty barely gave the water bottle a glance, picking up his gun to carry back to the bedroom. He knew he wouldn’t sleep, but he couldn’t think of anything else to do at the moment. Jared needed to sleep, and it wasn’t fair to keep him up with ... whatever this was. This PTSD attack or something. Ty reinforced his mental note to call that psychologist Grady had recommended on Monday. He really needed to set up an appointment, he guessed. He couldn’t afford for this bullshit to keep waking him up at night. He walked back to the bedroom, simultaneously appreciative and annoyed by Jared’s hand on his back. It was nice but he didn’t need to be babied, he just needed for this to stop. “No,” Ty answered. “I just woke up with the sense that I was in danger.” He realized that he hadn’t been worried about Jared at all really, just himself, like he’d been the only one under threat, which felt weird too.
Jared let go of him with a hum of understanding, backtracking to the kitchen to get his gun. He wouldn't normally really mind leaving it there on top of the fridge but the sudden mental image of some shadowy figure standing at the foot of their bed crossed his mind and gave him the chills. No, he wanted his gun close tonight, even if this was paranoia in Ty and nothing else; it just didn't feel like a chance he could take. He joined Ty in the bedroom, set the water bottles down on the nightstand and his gun in its drawer. "It's pretty likely you had a bad dream," he said as he crawled back into bed. "Even if you don't remember." He couldn't blame Ty though, he hadn't been able to sleep in Seaview for a while now and if it hadn't been for being able to sleep at Ty's place, he was sure he'd have moved out by now. He thought about how it was possible something was in the house, even if they couldn't see it, and that bone-deep terror crept up on him again as he imagined Sadie appearing right there in the room, blood dripping from her mouth, accusation in her eyes. It made him want to crawl under the covers like a child and he steeled his nerves, stubbornly pushing it away the best he could. There was no need telling Ty about that fear, he was shaken enough already.
Ty left his own gun out on the bedside table, within easy reach if he felt like he needed it. He did take the clip out, but left that in plenty easy reach too. “Yeah,” he murmured in vague agreement with Jared. He usually remembered all of his dreams, especially the bad ones, but he couldn’t think of anything else that would’ve triggered this kind of feeling either. Some unhelpful part of his suggested that he’d really heard something in his sleep and that had been what set him off, but there had been no sign of entry anywhere in the apartment, so Ty had to dismiss that. He had to. He laid down with Jared again, scooting in close to his man and trying not to listen for every tiny sound in the apartment. They were fine. They’d checked and they were fine. After a moment, he murmured, “Gonna call that shrink tomorrow.”
Jared felt like his heart was beating too loud now that they were settled down and Ty was close. He really didn't want Ty to know he'd gotten shaken by all of this too, that he was still terrified even after they'd made sure there was nobody there. An intruder was something he could have dealt with, dangerous and scary for sure but tangible and real. A bloody ghost was something else entirely. He rested his head on his arm, his other draped over Ty's side. "That's a good idea," he replied just as quietly even if he wasn't sure a shrink could fix everything that was wrong. It was a start, a little hope to cling to.
There was nothing else to say, so for a while Ty stayed quiet. He had a feeling that rest was going to elude him for the rest of the night, a sense that was familiar to children prone to nightmares. He’d never been one of those kids, almost always happy and secure in his bed, and even if he did wake from a bad dream, it never kept him up for long. Until his teens, anyway. Lying there with his back pressed to Jared, Ty could feel his breathing and how awake it was, and it made him wonder a bit of Jared felt some sense of alarm of his own, or if he was just waiting for Ty to fall asleep again. “You would tell me if you felt it too, wouldn’t you?” he whispered in the dark.
"Yeah I would," Jared whispered back. Everything sounded louder in the dark so whispering felt only right. "I wouldn't lie to you about something like that." He knew what it felt like to question his sanity and it was the worst feeling he'd ever had. Ty had held his hand through many of those instances and he wanted to do the same for him now. "I don't feel anything weird in the apartment," he added hesitantly. "But you're scaring me a little. You and everything that's been happening." He'd promised to be honest and while he wasn't going to go into details unless Ty asked him to, it felt only right to speak the truth.
That explained the tenseness Ty could feel in Jared’s body, he supposed. He couldn’t blame him for feeling that way, either. Ty was scared too. He didn’t want to be, he wanted to just relax and go to sleep and wake up to a normal fucking life again. He sighed softly and gave a restless sort of stretch-squirm, then rolled over to face Jared. It felt wrong to put his back to the room, it made the back of his neck prickle with over-awareness, but he tried to ignore it as he tucked his face in against Jared’s neck. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. He knew it wasn’t really his fault, but he still didn’t want it to be happening. “I don’t ... know what’s going on with me.”
"I don't either," Jared said quietly. "Not with you, me, this town... A lot of things ain't right." He kissed Ty's forehead, lingering there for a few seconds before settling down again. "None of it is your fault though, you're still in shock and maybe I am too. This kinda fear doesn't just go away and it hasn't even been a month since it all happened. Give yourself some time." He didn't think he could fall asleep anytime soon, his body felt too alert now. Maybe talking and cuddling would help both of them, that was all he could hope for as he stroked Ty's back and gently pressed their foreheads together.
A lot of things ain’t right. Wasn’t that the understatement of the century? In spite of everything else, the sentiment made pure love swell in Ty’s chest. He slipped his arm around Jared’s ribs and clung tighter. It was difficult to be patient with himself when he so badly wanted all of this to just be over. All he wanted was Jared, being in love with and building a normal fucking life with Jared. After everything he’d been through -- everything they’d both been through -- didn’t they deserve that? Ty had nothing else to say, words seemed useless, so he just held on and tried to let go of everything else.
"We're alright though," Jared whispered after they were silent for a while. Words didn't really feel necessary, sometimes being physically close did all the talking they needed, but he still wanted to say this. "You and me. Us. We're okay. I love you." It might not be the solution to all their problems but it was a strong rock to lean on through everything else and Jared wanted to make sure Ty knew he still had it, that Jared wasn't going anywhere no matter how hard things got. "I'm gonna see you through all of it."
As much as he believed with that sentiment and felt that it was a mutual commitment, hearing it at the moment gave Ty mixed feelings. He was caught between wanting to weep because it was everything he’d ever wanted, and feeling guilty because Jared had his own issues, his own trauma. He was still grieving, Sadie had died, what, a few months ago? It felt like years. He was just handling it so much better than Ty, it seemed like. If trauma was all this was, of course. Who the fuck knew for sure? He just hated that Jared was saddled with his problems on top of everything else. “I love you too,” he murmured after a moment’s pause. Ty squeezed Jared gently. “And I’m so fucking grateful for you.”
Jared moved to press another kiss on Ty's forehead, this one lingering and almost hard in its firmness. "I couldn't have gotten through everything without you," he whispered. "Now I just hope I can help you in the same way." He might not know what Ty was thinking but he knew what it was like to be where he was now. Scared and feeling like a burden. Neither of them did well with feeling weak, they both wanted to be strong and capable, the kind of guys who came in and cleaned up the mess and cleared out the danger. They'd been through so much together, faced impossible odds and dealt with so much fear and anger. This was just one more, or so Jared tried to tell himself. It wasn't escalating, it was just more of the same. "As long as we hang on to each other, we'll make it through."
The strength of it felt good, and Ty’s eyes closed as Jared kissed his forehead. He didn’t feel like he’d done a whole lot to help Jared through anything, but if that was the case then he was happy for it. Because this feeling was a lot to shoulder. “Good thing there’s a lot of you to hang onto,” he said with a soft huff. Ty hugged him tighter again, pressing a few kisses against the crook of his neck. He wished they could just stay there for a few days, tangled together and quiet, with nothing to do and nothing looming over them. Ty just wanted to hide away for a while. Or get out of this fucking town for a week, at least. He pulled his face out of that warm spot to look Jared in the eyes and then kiss him softly. “Thank you,” he murmured. “I love you.”
There was some joke bubbling in the back of Jared's mind about how he needed to go to the gym more and get even broader shoulders if things kept escalating but he caught it before he said it, well aware that Ty might take it to mean he was a burden. "I love you," he said instead. "I know something is wrong but you admit it and you're willing to work on it and that? That makes it a hundred times easier to deal with. We fight side by side instead of fighting each other." He gave Ty a little smile and now that their eyes had gotten used to the dark, he knew Ty could see it. "I feel better already. Do you?"
That was a good, reassuring point, and Ty was glad Jared thought of them as a team, even when Ty had been trying to fight him. Or whatever had infected him had been trying to fight, anyway. Looking back, it definitely didn’t feel like he’d been himself. He just hoped that no matter what happened, Jared would know his heart, how he really felt, and they could weather any emotional storm. He dredged up a wan smile at the question, because it was difficult to feel better about anything at the moment. “Yeah, a little,” he murmured. It was the best he could do. Ty snuggled his face in close again, sighed, and shut his eyes, fruitlessly hoping that sleep would just take over.
A little was all Jared could ask for given the scope of their troubles and he rested his chin against Ty's head, letting his arm relax against his broad back. It wasn't the best position to fall asleep in, but he felt like he needed this closeness more than he needed sleep at the moment. No doubt he'd disagree in the morning but tomorrow's Jared could bitch him out all he wanted, present Jared needed this. He didn't need to ask if Ty was ready to try to sleep again, his body language said as much and that little sigh that sounded like he was trying to reset. "If you wake up again, wake me up," he whispered instead. "I'll always have your back, even if I'm only half awake."
Another tiny smile crossed Ty’s face, but he kept his eyes shut. “I will,” he said softly back. They would probably shift around in a few minutes to get more comfortable, but it was a nice position to be in for now. It would probably take Ty a while to actually drift off anyway. But he could just lie there for a while and hold onto his man, he felt entitled to that at least. That paranoid feeling was still lingering, but it was quieter in Jared’s arms, so that was where Ty wanted to stay.