Who: Adrian and Aaron When: night, Tuesday, Jan 2nd Where: Adrian's car Status: complete
Watching Mila leave had been hard and Adrian had driven after her and watched her walk up to their parents' house, just to make sure she got home safe. He didn't go directly to Aaron's after that. Mila had said he was both drunk and high and there was no use in trying to talk to him in that state. Instead he headed there late that night, hoping that Caden and Roxy would be asleep or working by then. As usual he knocked on Aaron's window and waited out there in the cold until the curtain lifted and Aaron peeked out. Adrian motioned at him to come outside. He didn't give a shit if it was cold or if Aaron wanted to or not, they were going for a drive. This wasn't a talk Adrian wanted to have in Caden's house, he preferred getting Aaron alone, somewhere where he couldn't stalk off if he got pissy. Adrian really didn't know him well enough to know how he'd react to a conversation like this so he was playing it safe and hopefully smart.
Once the high had worn off and Aaron had sobered up, he’d been despondent. He hadn’t been far gone enough not to remember Mila coming over, and he of course had the evidence of his pills and booze being missing, and he keenly recalled her driving away. Aaron had gone to bed and stayed there, crying off and on between bouts of shitty, nightmare-filled sleep. She was done with him now, he felt like he knew it. He’d fucked everything up, because that was what he did. It made him want to get high all over again, but she’d taken that option away.
Aaron was awake when the knock on his window came, pondering whether he could make his chest wound worse to get another prescription. The knock startled him, but he still considered staying in bed and not looking. Odds were it was Adrian. But the thought that something might be wrong with Mila got Aaron on his feet. He confirmed his suspicion and shuffled toward the front door. His flannel pants, t-shirt, slippers, and the hoodie he pulled on didn’t do much against the bitter cold when he stepped outside, but Aaron couldn’t bring himself to care much. He hunched his big shoulders and walked to the edge of the house.
Adrian looked him up and down, taking in the sorry state of him and how he really wasn't dressed for the weather. That was okay, Adrian's car was still warm. "C'mon," he said and pulled the bottle of pills out of his pocket, shaking it to make that rattle sound before sticking it back within. Then he turned and started walking toward his car, hoping the pills were enough to make Aaron follow if nothing else would. He didn't know how far he was gone, he'd told Mila it probably wasn't serious because it was still so early on but that had been a lie. It could get serious fast, that was why he was there in the first place.
Adrian wanted them to go somewhere? Aaron’s brow furrowed, but then there was that little orange bottle, and it had to be his. He understood immediately that Mila had gone straight to her brother about him. Like he needed a family intervention or some shit. Aaron tossed a wary, unsure glance back at the house before he followed after Adrian. It was in his nature to be compliant, and there was the off-chance that Adrian might give him back his medication if he promised to use it correctly or something. Or, if Adrian just wanted to yell at him and tell him to stay the fuck away from his sister, Aaron probably deserved to hear that. So he scuffed his way to the car he’d just fixed and climbed in the passenger seat, shivering already.
Normally Adrian might have just sat there in the car but he didn't want Aaron to get out and hightail it back to the house so he started the car and got them moving. It was an old car so it didn't make a fuss about whether Aaron was wearing a seatbelt or not and Adrian didn't bother him about it. He wouldn't go far, just a little ways down the street. Call it a need for privacy, avoiding the risk of being seen, something. The truth of it was that he wanted Aaron away from the house. "Somewhere down the line I'm going to either die, get captured or turn into a monster," he muttered once he'd turned off the radio. "And when that happens, Mila's going to be all a fucking lone because you'll be dead or a vegetable or in rehab or some shit." He glanced over at Aaron and shook his head. "So I may sound calm right now but I'm mad as fuck, Aaron."
Aaron slouched deep in the seat, shoving his hands into his front hoodie pocket. He kept his gaze pointed through the bottom corner of the windshield, feeling weirdly like a teenager getting chewed out by his dad or something. ‘You’re a huge disappointment, Aaron,’ blah blah. It wasn’t anything new to him. It still hurt though, just as much as it always had, because he knew he’d always earned it. He didn’t know what to say in his own defense, so he didn’t try, just sat there and let Adrian get it out of his system. His head hurt, and he wanted to go back to bed.
"Oxy and alcohol," Adrian muttered. "It sounds harmless enough but you're risking a lot. You're already hurt and it fucks with your blood pressure, if it doesn't send you straight into a coma you could pass out standing up and knock yourself out on something, it fucks with your cardiovascular-" he stopped himself, not so sure Aaron was even listening to him or if slinging around medical terms would help or hurt his argument. "Your heart, Aaron. Do you love my sister?" He was sure Aaron did but if he was being honest with himself, feelings could be fickle and drugs tended to make them matter a lot less.
He was listening, and he knew what ‘cardiovascular’ meant, even if Adrian didn’t think he did. Aaron hadn’t thought much about the risks of mixing the Oxy with booze, it wasn’t like he was closely reading the pamphlets that came with the bottle. Maybe he should have, but Aaron just wanted to feel better. Why was that so hard for people to understand. “More than anything,” he answered, his voice rusty from crying and disuse. He knew the next step was ‘then stop being an idiot,’ but it was easier said than done. She’d gotten possessed, stabbed him twice with the intent to kill him, and then disappeared for weeks. How was he supposed to just get over all that without any sort of relief along the way?
"I know it's a lot to ask," Adrian sighed as he slowed the car down and parked it up against the curb. "But I need you to be there for her. If you really do love her, I need you to protect her because I won't be able to and mom and dad don't know what's going on with her. Even if they did... She thinks she's too much for you right now, that she needs to give you space." He let his head thud back against the seat rest, taking a deep breath as he tried to get his thoughts in order. "And you told her about Westin." There was so much shit to fix and he didn't know where to start or if he could ever fix any of it, even if he had more time.
Most of Aaron recoiled at the idea of Mila giving him space. He’d just gotten her back, he couldn’t lose her again. What Adrian was asking of him was exactly what Aaron wanted to do -- protect Mila -- but he felt so weak and powerless. It hit him very poignantly in that moment, and he felt his throat close up and his face crumple a bit. He tried hard not to let himself cry, one hand moving to pull his hood up over his head before he crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his big body toward the door. He couldn’t protect Mila from anything that had happened to her, why would he be able to protect her now? Maybe it was too much, because he was stupid and useless, just like everybody thought, and he was just fooling himself to think otherwise. Aaron took a shaky sort of breath and held it against the tears, shame burning in his cheeks. His chest throbbed around the wound, and Aaron had to fight against the urge to jam his thumb against it to make it hurt worse.
Aaron wasn't loud about it but it was pretty obvious Aaron was breaking down so he left him alone for a minute or two and just stared out into the darkness. "I'm so tired," he said quietly after a while. "I know you are too." There were a whole lot of things he wasn't saying because it felt so futile to be yammering on about how they needed to be strong for Mila. Aaron knew all that, he just needed to act on it. "I want to give you these back because I know you're still in pain but you gotta choose between the pills and the booze. You can't have both." He didn't really have the authority to be bossing Aaron around but he didn't care, Aaron was dating his sister and Adrian had his pills. He also had a far better idea of what these damn pills could do to him if he abused them.
Tired was a good word, even if it felt like a pale one compared to how Aaron was actually feeling. He was hollowed out and exhausted, the only times he really felt alive were when he was with Mila. But he couldn’t be with her all the time, and everything hurt so bad when he wasn’t, it was hard not to want to escape. Aaron didn’t want to whine to Adrian about how much he hurt all the time, inside and out, vaguely aware that Adrian had been through hell himself. Probably a worse hell than Aaron had any idea about. Part of him knew Adrian was right. He’d seen what addiction could do to people and he did not want to go down that path. He just wanted to not hurt anymore. “Just keep ‘em,” he got out, still sounding a bit choked up even if he’d stopped actually crying. “Or give ‘em back to Mila. I don’t tr-trust myself anymore. I’m tr-trying man, but everything hurts s-so bad.”
Tired really was an understatement but Adrian knew neither of them could fully verbalize just how drained they were after everything that had happened. He looked at Aaron, still huddled up and broken down, looking every bit as sorry and sad as he apparently felt. Adrian sighed again, then reached over and gave his shoulder a little squeeze. He was always more careful with physical affection when it came to men but Aaron just seemed like a giant teddy bear for the most part so he felt at ease with him. Not to mention they'd practically be brothers if Aaron ever put a ring on Mila's finger. "Can't promise it'll stop hurting anytime soon but you just need some time." He knew damn well Aaron wasn't just talking about the physical hurt, all the worrying and trauma hurt more than a stab wound ever could. "If you ever wanna talk or anything, you got my number."
Aaron appreciated the small gesture, always a whore for affection but not used to it coming from another male. He and his brothers hadn’t been raised to be very emotionally available. “Your number?” he said, feeling confused for a second because he knew Adrian didn’t have a phone. Then he recalled the note on the fridge with the pager number, and he gave a grunt of understanding. “Oh. Thanks,” Aaron added. He wasn’t sure he would ever take Adrian up on the offer -- he didn’t really know how to talk about any of this. He also appreciated that Adrian didn’t try to feed him any false hope for relief. It would suck for as long as it was going to suck, and then maybe it would get better. Aaron almost made the same offer, but he didn’t think he could help anybody else with their problems anytime soon. “Nobody really ... understands, y’know?”
"I know," Adrian agreed, though his problem was more of the nature that not enough people knew he was alive. Both of those were isolating and in that sense he knew they could relate to each other. "I do though," he offered up, even if he might not be able to wrap his head around all of it. It was still easy to imagine just how hard it was to have Mila back when she was the one who'd hurt him - sort of. It was already hard for Adrian, constantly worrying that it wasn't really over, that she'd disappear again or turn into whatever it was that had attacked Aaron. It was different for him because he only showed up for the aftermath, Aaron was the one who'd gotten attacked, who'd had to look into his girlfriend's eyes and see... what? Adrian wasn't even sure. Had she looked blank when she stabbed him? Vicious? "We gotta be there for each other, that's all we can do," he muttered, the same thing he'd told Mila. "And I'm... sorry I made it worse."
Adrian could probably understand it more than most, he seemed to have a working knowledge of dark and horrible things. Not that Aaron’s family didn’t also, but he didn’t feel like he could talk to them as much. About anything. Not that Aaron really knew how to talk about it, how he loved Mila intensely but still had nightmares about that day, about how she had looked when she stabbed him, how scared he was that she wasn’t actually okay now, or that she would disappear again. Everything there was to fear, he feared it. He was just trying to be strong for her while still nursing his internal wounds. He just wasn’t very good at it. “Yeah ... so try not to go anywhere,” Aaron answered, looking over at Adrian finally. “Say you owe me. ‘Cause I can’t do this alone. She needs more’n me.”
"I'm not going anywhere if I can help it," Adrian said. "But I'm scared I won't have a choice one day." He didn't use that word often - scared - but he was. One day he'd lose control or the shadowy organization that had held him captive for so long would find him here and take him back. Or kill him. Maybe he wasn't worth the hassle to them. "If I can't stay, I need you, man. I need to know somebody's there for her." His jaw tightened as he felt that dumb, weepy feeling sneak up on him and make his throat feel weird. "Not a lot of people know or understand what she's been through."
Aaron nodded, even though his chin wobbled a tiny bit. Adrian was right, they all needed each other, had to stick together. Aaron didn’t know if he could really help Mila beyond being there for her and loving her. He’d fallen down on that by indulging in things strictly for himself. That had to stop. It had to be all about Mila, because she needed him, and he just had to ... shove everything in himself down until it went quiet again. His brothers did it all the time, why did he have such a fucking issue? Aaron tried not to let his brain fall down that self-hatred rabbit hole again. He could do that later. “I’ll be there for her,” he told Adrian, then tried to clear the wobble out of his voice. “I’ll take care of her, best I can.” And if that meant no more pills and no more liquor and he just had to man up? So be it.
Adrian didn't know how much Aaron really meant that but they just had to wait and see. Right now he was just relieved Aaron was open to what he was putting out there and willing to change. "Thanks," he said quietly but the pills and the booze weren't the only things eating at him so this conversation wasn't fully over. "What did you promise Westin?" he asked, swallowing down the hesitation he felt. He didn't know how he was going to get Aaron out of whatever favor he promised and he had a feeling it would be a vague one just like his own, but if there was a way to do it, he'd do it. Mila didn't need two cursed idiots in her life.
He didn’t realize that he’d missed the previous mention of Westin, and Aaron got a weird jolt through his body when Adrian said his name. During the fog in the stairwell, they had both discovered quietly that they’d both “seen him.” They hadn’t gotten to talk in-depth, not sure how deeply Mila was sleeping. Aaron stared at him for a couple of beats, then licked his lips. “I don’t ... nothing specific,” he mumbled finally. “Just a favor, that’s all he said. What did he say to you? Is that ... is that how you got her out?” Aaron had thought that was the case, but he hadn’t had the chance or the brain to ask until right then.
Adrian nodded. He would never tell Aaron what he needed to do to get Mila out so letting him believe Westin had just made him promise a favor too was acceptable. "Doesn't seem fair, charging two people for the same thing," he muttered, though he couldn't tell Aaron just how unfair it was when Aaron didn't know about the sacrifices. "I don't think it's gonna be anything good so brace yourself." He really wanted to get Aaron out of his contract - so to speak - but he had no idea how he could do that when he didn't even know how to find Westin. "I wish I could take all the shit you and Mila are carrying right now. Just take it away from you both."
“He didn’t seem like a dude who cared about fair,” Aaron muttered first, then reached up to scrub a hand over his face. With everything else going on, he hadn’t thought much about Westin and his promise, but he had the feeling that Adrian was right. That bill was going to come due, and he didn’t think he was going to like it when it did. He wasn’t sure what he could do for Westin, but he wasn’t naive enough to think that there weren’t things that could be taken from him. Sacrifices to be made. But as long as Mila stayed safe and out of the tunnel, it was worth it. Aaron reached over to give Adrian’s shoulder a little squeeze, much like he’d done for him. “I know. But you can’t, we’re carrying it together. You got enough on your plate, man. We’ll get through it somehow.” Lowkey optimism was all he could really offer at the moment.
Adrian appreciated it and a part of him didn't want to tell Aaron anything, just like he didn't want to tell Mila, because he didn't want to drag them down and bum them out. On the other hand he felt like he needed to prepare them for the inevitable and if he wasn't sparing Mila, he shouldn't be sparing Aaron either. "You know how you'll be watching a movie and someone needs to stay behind to blow the place up? You leave the guy who's mortally wounded because he's already a goner. Makes no sense to kill two people when one is already doomed. That's me, Aaron. If I could take all this shit it's like that guy blowing up the place because he's going to die anyway. I don't have a future but what keeps me going is picturing Mila's future, Mila being okay, Mila having kids and finding happiness. I'll do whatever I need to do to make that happen, even if I can't be part of it."
The part about having kids made Aaron’s nose sting all over again. That was how all of this started, with Aaron getting Mila pregnant. If he’d never recklessly come into her life, she would’ve been spared all of this pain. For a moment he was tempted to tell Adrian about it, about how they heard the baby in the tunnel and it lured them in, but the conversation was too heavy already, and he was in no shape to relive any of that at the moment. “That’s how you see you,” he said quietly, not sure how else to respond to all of what Adrian said. “You know Mila doesn’t see you that way. We’ll try to make her future as okay as possible, but you hold up your end and fight, man, okay? She needs you too to be happy and full. You’re not a sacrifice to her. Or me. You’re my brother now too.”
Adrian was still getting used to the love and support of actual people. He had gone years without it and it almost felt like too much lately. Aaron's words killed him inside because it wasn't just how he saw himself, it was a curse he knew he couldn't break, he'd never be normal again and he'd never be able to come home. It made him feel choked up and he wished Aaron was right - for his own sake as much as Aaron's and Mila's. God they were all so fucked up, it might have made him laugh if it wasn't so tragic. "I'll try, man. I just gotta warn you, it's not a fair fight." He didn't think it was a fight he could win at all, but he could hang in there for a while, hopefully long enough to see his sister's life turn around again.
“Are any of them?” Aaron murmured. He didn’t want to make light of Adrian’s situation, he could see that it was deadly serious. It made him wish he could do more than just provide a small sliver of moral support, but everything felt so huge and terrifying. He patted Adrian’s shoulder again, then rubbed his palms against his flannel pants. “M’sorry you had to do this,” he muttered. “It’s just ... hard not to let everything get to me. I’ll do better, for her.” He tried to sound confident about it, and it would be easier without the Oxy in reach all the time, but Aaron knew it was going to be a struggle. Another hard, unfair fight. He just hoped the end results would be worthwhile. He desperately wanted his life back, a life with Mila where they could be happy and thrive and put all of this behind them.
"I know you will," Adrian replied and maybe it was naive to trust it so blindly, but he did and he needed to. He had to have faith in something. "And this was nothing. Thanks for not making it hard for me. I wasn't sure how you'd react." Worst case scenario, Aaron would leave Mila's life for good and Adrian really didn't think she could handle that now. He also knew she wouldn't leave town with him if it came to that because she probably couldn't bear to do that to their parents. "You wanna go back?" he asked then since he wasn't going to keep Aaron hostage in his car for the rest of the night. It was admittedly nice to have someone in the car with him but Aaron looked pretty exhausted and he wasn't really dressed to be out and about.
It was nice to be believed, even if Aaron was sure Adrian was doing so with some reservations. He couldn’t blame him. He nodded a bit and said, “yeah.” Aaron wanted to be back in bed so he could just pass out for a while and forget about all of this. He waited for a few beats, then cleared his throat and shifted a bit in his seat, giving Adrian a sheepish sort of look. “Do you think ... is she like, mad at me? Should I call her tomorrow or something?” he asked hesitantly. If anybody else knew Mila well enough to answer that question, it would be Adrian, but Aaron was kind of scared of the answer if he was being honest.
"She's not mad," Adrian told him. "She's scared and sad and she thinks it's her fault." He knew this wouldn't make Aaron feel better but it felt important that he knew the facts of the situation. "Definitely call her tomorrow, maybe even text her tonight, she might be awake." He turned so he could face Aaron better. "She loves you so fucking much. I know her, I see the way she looks at you, talks about you. I know it can't be easy dealing with what happened but you guys can make it. If anyone can, it's you." He wouldn't really be able to blame Aaron if he couldn't go through with it. Mila had stabbed him, even if it wasn't really her, whatever it was had worn her face. Despite all of it, he was under the impression that Aaron couldn't live with himself moving forward without her. Of course it was just as likely that it was just wishful thinking on his behalf, him clinging desperately to the hope that Mila had someone if Adrian went missing again.
Guilt chewed at Aaron’s heart when Adrian said she thought it was her fault. He knew she felt that way, at least somewhat, but it still hurt to hear it from someone else too. She’d told Adrian that, and it so wasn’t her fault. Everything Adrian said put a lump in Aaron’s throat again, and for a second it was difficult to swallow down. He nodded, rubbing at one eye while he got his voice back. “Hope you’re right,” he said thickly. “‘Cause I love her too. I’ll text her.” Aaron felt ashamed and like seeing Mila again might be difficult, but he was resolved to do it, if she would meet with him. Aaron curled his fingers around the front pocket of his hoodie and let his head fall back against the seat, clearing his throat. Someone voicing some faith in him was nice, he just hoped he could live up to it.
Adrian pulled the car away from the curb, taking a u-turn in the road to head back into Seaview. He had his own guilt bubbling up like acid in his throat because as much as he loved having their support, he didn't really feel like he deserved it. He'd killed people, innocent people who'd be going about their lives now if he hadn't come back to town. If Westin had promised Aaron to get her out - in return for a favor - maybe the two men had died for nothing. The thought surfaced and piled on more guilt and it was probably a good thing he was taking Aaron home now because the bad feelings were starting to feel suffocating. "She needs something good," he muttered. "Everything is too heavy." After that they were both quiet, both suffering in different ways. Adrian considered putting the radio back on, just to try to disperse some of those thoughts but he knew it would just make him feel worse. He pulled up outside of Caden's house and put the car in park, leaning back in his seat. "I owe you a lot, Aaron," he muttered. "And you won't take my money so, if you need help with anything..."
Aaron was happy to ride in silence as they made their way back. He agreed that everything was too heavy and Mila needed something good. He did too. All of them did. It was a short drive back to the house since they hadn’t gone very far down the street, but he still started to feel drowsy before Adrian parked again. He was so tired, which was good because his chest hurt. Sleeping through it was going to be his only escape from now on, he just had to keep that in mind. Aaron lifted his head and looked over at Adrian. Part of him wanted to say that was what brothers did, but his own brothers weren’t out there intervening in this problem of his. He felt like he owed Adrian a lot back. For now, he offered him his hand to shake. “You too, man,” he murmured. “Only way we’re all gettin’ through this is together, so ... likewise.”
Adrian nodded and that horrible feeling got stronger, a mix of anxiety and dread, knowing he might not stay there to see it through, no matter how much he wanted to. "Get outta here, get some sleep," he said warmly as he grabbed his hand for a tight squeeze more so than a shake. "You look like you're about to fall asleep right there." He gave Aaron a faint smile, then patted his arm. "I know you can do this but I'm not gonna lie to you and say it's gonna be easy. You should still take something for the pain, talk to your doctor about getting something less addictive."
Aaron managed to dredge up a smile at the first part while they shook hands, then felt his emotions get all wobbly again. “I’ll look into it,” he murmured. He didn’t know if he actually would, because he could just get hooked on something else bad for him, but he tucked the suggestion away anyway. Adrian was a medical person, he wouldn’t steer Aaron wrong on purpose. He was definitely ready to fall asleep though, so he opened the door and started to get out. “Thanks Adrian,” he said as he did so. Aaron glanced back in to give him a nod goodnight, then shut the door and started shuffling back toward Caden and Roxy’s trailer.
Adrian could only hope that his talk had helped, that Aaron was really going to clean up his act and deal with his pain in other ways but there were no guarantees there. He felt so sad and tired and that feeling only escalated when Aaron walked away. He still had the keys to Aaron's old place and for a long time he toyed with the idea of sleeping there tonight, have a nice hot shower in the morning before he headed out again. Maybe he would have if someone told him to do it but he couldn't bring himself to take that risk all on his own so he just grabbed his backpack from the back seat to get some food, mentally preparing himself to go back to the woods. Maybe tomorrow he could stop by briefly, just to take advantage of that hot shower. Tonight he was sleeping in the car.