Who: Jacob and Connor When: early morning, Friday, Dec 29th Where: hospital, home Status: complete (part 1)
The good thing about working in a place like a hospital was that news traveled fast, even in a crisis. Maybe especially in a crisis. There were a lot of eyes and ears and people still trying to do their jobs to the best of their abilities. Not long after 4 AM, someone from the front desk got the first call from an EMT. It was crystal clear and came through on the actual phone, not just a lucky break in radio static, as had been the case since the fog came down. Those who had kept a charge on their cell phones started using them, and the word flew around the hospital that they were working.
The world suddenly opened up again, and as soon as Connor heard the news, he rushed to his small office to unplug his phone. He’d been worried to the point of constant nausea about Jacob, and his fingers were shaking as he tapped in his passcode and hit the speed dial. Connor paced around the small space, running his free hand restlessly through his hair as he listened to it -- finally -- ring on the other end.
Jacob had managed to sleep a little. It helped that he wasn't alone, with Enzo staying close, and they had heavy duty sleeping bags to crawl into when it started getting cold. A camping store really was the best place to be trapped and Donnie had sacrificed some of his food to keep everyone warm and fed. It really did just feel like camping and while Jacob hated camping in general, it was better than being at the arcade. He was deep in the sleeping bag with his beanie covering his eyes and ears. His nose was cold but it was too stuffy to keep his head inside the sleeping bag so he put up with that. His sleep was light and infrequent and when his phone buzzed he jerked awake, fumbling around for it. It was low on battery but he'd kept it close and checked it regularly though he tried to limit it now to not deplete it. It felt like his body came alive when he saw who was calling. It was already amazing that anyone was calling in the first place but it was Connor and he hurriedly picked up, scooting down further into the bag in case Enzo had slept through the buzzing. "Connor?" He said, his voice hopeful but small and - to him - a little pathetic.
When Jacob answered, Connor’s knees nearly gave out on him. He had to collapse into his desk chair to avoid dropping to the floor, the relief making him feel even more shaky. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he exhaled, pressing his hand against his eyes. “Jacob, ohmygod, it’s you.” That was stupid -- who else would it be? Connor could barely think, he was so exhausted and sleep deprived, but that was his boy’s voice for sure and he suddenly felt on the verge of sobbing with relief. “Are you all right? Where are you? Are you hurt?” He almost started rambling about how he would personally send an ambulance to wherever Jacob was if he needed one, but Connor bit his tongue on it.
Jacob could hear that worry and exhaustion in his voice and he felt bad for him but at the same time oh so good because Connor was okay and worried about him. "I'm okay," he whispered and cleared his throat, feeling like his voice wasn't quite working. He wasn't okay, but he wasn't physically hurt and that was the most important part right now. He could be dead or injured like Jeff. He shifted again, hating how noisy the sleeping bag was compared to a normal blanket. "I'm at some store next to the arcade. My boss got hurt and there's just a bunch of kids here. Are you at the hospital? Are you okay?" He was talking fast but it felt necessary because he worried the phone would stop working again and he'd spend another day or two worrying - or more. Shit, what if this never ended.
The words were fast but quiet, and the latter made Connor worry some more, like maybe Jacob was being held hostage by people he couldn’t talk openly in front of or something. But that didn’t make any sense. It was still ass-early in the morning, so maybe he was just trying not to wake anyone else up. A bunch of kids? Fuck. “Yes, I’m at the hospital,” he confirmed. Connor moved to the window to pull the shades apart. It was still dark out, but he could see the streetlights on in the distance, and that was a good sign too. “I’m okay, just ... just tired. But the fog is letting up, I think, and it looks like the power’s back up, at least to the streetlamps ... your boss is hurt? How badly? Does he need an ambulance? Emergency dispatch is about to be slammed, I’m pretty sure, so if you need to call ...” It felt like a lot to blurt out, but Connor’s mind was racing.
It was terrible and selfish but Jacob wanted an ambulance to come and get Jeff so he could get a ride with it. "There's something out there," he said, wincing as he spoke because what if Connor hadn't seen it? What if it was just one horrible monster and it was right outside their door, another weird fucking thing that nobody would believe him about. At least he had a ton of witnesses this time, kids who didn't know him, nobody close enough to him to lie for him. "I don't know if it's safe to go out but yeah, he'll need a doctor, there was a lot of blood." He pressed his hand against his eyes, feeling like he wasn't getting everything out in the right order, like he wasn't making enough sense or talking fast enough. "Fuck," he whispered. "Just don't go outside, please. Stay where you are." That part was hard because he wanted Connor here, wanted to curl in against him and cling to him forever - just not at the risk of death.
“Yeah, I know baby, I saw it,” Connor murmured. He hadn’t gotten a good look of course, because who had? But he’d seen enough to feel like it would break his brain to think about it too much. That could come later. Connor still had to work. As much as he wanted to rush out to his car and speed to Jacob, he had duties he had to attend to, now that he knew his boy was alive and uninjured. “I can’t leave here anyway -- if the rest of the town is anything like this building, they’re going to need every doctor on the floor very soon. Go ahead and call 911, okay? For your boss? Get him in line, I’m sure they’ll get to you as soon as they can, once the roads are passable again. They’ll know. Some of them were out already and got stranded.” He wasn’t trying to rush Jacob off the phone, but his Doctor Mode wanted the injured party to get attention as soon as he could. “I’ll try to get more information on this end and I’ll call you back, okay? Hang in there, the fog’s clearing, so I think this is ending.”
He sounded reasonable and calm now and Jacob clung to that, trying not to latch onto the fact that Connor had seen it. He had a million questions about that but his phone might die any second so he held back for now. He felt like crying, holding his breath while Connor spoke, focusing on what he was saying as he tried to will away that sting in his nose and eyes. "I'll be there soon," he said and his voice was more level than he thought he'd manage so that was something. "I'll see you soon. I love you." It didn't feel wrong to say it because while he was never sure about anything in their relationship due to his own damn hangups, he absolutely knew he loved Connor. Especially right now when everything was falling apart and Connor's voice was like a light in the dark.
Connor knew logically that Jacob probably shouldn’t come to the hospital unless he needed to, but the intense desire to see him, lay hands on him, kiss him after all this overrode that logic. Even a brief interaction would be incredible, or if Jacob didn’t mind hanging around he could stay in the office for a while and Connor could check in on him. They would play it by ear, but Connor was dying to have him in reach. After all this, he kind of didn’t want Jacob to ever be out of his reach, but he knew how irrational that was. The words gave him a moment’s pause, because he could hear the absolute sincerity in them, and it was a little frightening. Especially considering the answering emotion that bubbled up inside of him. “I love you too,” he told Jacob softly. “Stay safe, and let me know as soon as you’re here.”
Even half asleep and still traumatized, Jacob regretted the words as soon as he said them because that kind of shit really could scare a person off. He winced at himself, holding his breath until Connor spoke again and then he just felt like crying. "I'll try and charge the phone," he said and after a quick glance at the screen he winced again and mumbled, "Gotta go." Two percent battery and he knew it would die within seconds if he kept using it. After Connor acknowledged it, he ended the call and squirmed out of his sleeping bag to nudge Enzo awake. They had power, if the others didn't know they needed to be told because it might not last. Jacob was being pessimistic and he knew it but pessimistic and prepared was better than hopeful and fucked.
Donnie called an ambulance for Jeff and the kids started calling their parents while Jacob charged his phone and texted his friends. It all felt weird and dreamlike, a small reprieve from what had felt like an eternity of terror. It was still dark out but the fog was gone and Jacob dared to feel a little hopeful about that. Donnie was a good guy to have in a crisis, staying back with the kids who couldn't get rides home yet and making sure everyone was cared for. Jeff was stable enough that he wasn't a priority but eventually an ambulance showed up to take him to the hospital and Jacob managed to talk them into giving him a ride too. He sort of wished he could just ride up front with the driver because the guilt was killing him all the way there. Jeff was calm and lucid and told him not to worry about it but that didn't stop Jacob from feeling like absolute shit. He'd run away and hid when Jeff got hurt, he'd stayed hidden until they were safe.
At Mercy the EMTs wheeled Jeff inside and Jacob texted Connor before shuffling into the waiting room, feeling out of place and in the way. There were so many people there and a couple of dogs too which was probably a big no no but everyone was too busy to do anything about it. He clutched his phone as he waited to see Connor's face, irrationally scared that the phone call had just been some fever dream and he wasn't really there.
Connor was with a patient when Jacob’s text buzzed his phone in his pocket. His hand got halfway there before he caught himself and pulled it back to what he was doing. As soon as he was out of the exam room, Connor checked them message and then hurried toward the waiting room. He was furiously scribbling notes down on the chart in his hand as he went, then dropped it at the nurses station on his way to the hall. He pushed the door to the waiting room open and scanned the crowd, his anxiety rising until he spotted his boy’s face. Connor started toward him briskly, his heart beating hard, and waved off a couple of people who tried to talk to him. He couldn’t help them out there in the waiting room anyway. “Hey,” Connor said breathlessly as he reached Jacob. His instinct was to glom onto him immediately and hold him tight and kiss him, but there were so many eyes around them. He gave Jacob’s arm a little squeeze instead. “Come with me.” Connor turned to walk toward the door that led behind the front nurse’s desk and the offices beyond.
As soon as Connor came stalking toward him Jacob felt like shrinking. Not in a bad way necessarily, he just wanted to be small enough to fit in Connor's pocket so he could be with him always. A little more realistically he wanted to fall into his arms and hold on tight for hours. It was hard not to start crying when he realized he couldn't but that squeeze of his arm did a good job of tiding him over until they were away from prying eyes. He could hear someone scoffing that he wasn't even 'hurt' but he did his best to ignore them and the guilt that blossomed anew.
Connor ignored the mutters about someone apparently being admitted to the back before they were and led Jacob through the door and down a couple of short hallways to his office. Just so recently he’d had a delightful surprise at the Christmas gift Jacob had left in this office, and now they were in there, shellshocked from a truly insane couple of days. Connor closed and locked the door, then turned to grab Jacob and pull him in against his chest. His heart was still pounding, his body not accepting that Jacob was really safe and here until Connor had his arms around him.
There was that feeling again of wanting to shrink and Jacob slipped his hands under Connor's coat, curling in against him and soaking in the warmth of him and that delicious scent that was all Connor. His nose burned and his eyes felt wet but he didn't feel embarrassed about it. He was so tired and things had been so insane and now he was finally here and Connor was okay. It was moments like this that made him realize just how addicted he'd gotten to the man. No wonder it was so easy to drop anything else intoxicating. Just a hug was enough to make him feel less like a piece of shit and a waste of space and he clung to it as long as Connor let him, sniffling softly as he tried to hold back the tears.
He’d been tired almost to the point of trembling, but Connor’s arms suddenly had plenty of strength in them. He held tight to Jacob, one hand moving to cradle the back of his head. His hair was greasy, they both smelled like fear sweat, but it was so, so good to hold him. Connor could hear the emotion in Jacob’s breathing, and it made his own throat feel tight. He pulled back enough to cup Jacob’s face in both of his hands, looking at him for a few seconds before he kissed him. “I’m so glad you’re okay,” he murmured. “It drove me crazy, not knowing.” Perhaps ‘okay’ was an exaggeration, because Jacob looked shaken up and upset, but he at least wasn’t injured. He was alive, which was a lot more than Connor could say about a lot of people, from what he’d been hearing.
The way he touched him was so caring, it squeezed Jacob's heart and he was unable to stop those tears from spilling. At least he wasn't outright sobbing, he thought. It was kind of a movie-esque way of crying where it was just tears and probably would have looked all pretty too if he wasn't such a wreck. He bit his lip and nodded his agreement, holding his breath and tightening his throat for a moment to swallow down all those emotions welling up. If he spoke right now that graceful movie-cry would turn into something wretched so he held back and gave Connor a smile that was more of a grimace, but at least he was trying.
Tears occasionally appealed to Connor in an erotic sense, but there was nothing sexy about real trauma, and they’d both been through the wringer. That non-smile wrenched at Connor’s heart, and he wrapped Jacob up in both arms again. It made him wish he had a couch or a bed or something in the tiny office so they could stretch out and be comfortable, but there was nothing but the desk and a couple of plastic chairs. Perhaps it was for the best -- if he got horizontal with Jacob right then, Connor might never go back to work. There were people who needed him, but he was going to take as many minutes as he could, just holding and comforting his boy. He wanted to tell Jacob he was okay now, he was safe, but he knew it would feel like a lie. He’d thought they were relatively safe before and look what had happened. So Connor just held on and let them breathe together and really soaked it in that the one person he’d come to care about in this weird town was unharmed.
Jacob selfishly wished Connor could take him home now. They were probably safer at the hospital but he wanted to shower and then sleep in an actual bed with Connor right there next to him. This wasn't enough, especially since he knew Connor would be going back out there. The downside to being with a doctor, his work was important. He clung to him for as long as he could, pressing his face against Connor's chest and letting his presence soothe him. If something had happened to Connor, Jacob realized he would feel responsible. Jocelyn had told him he should tell Connor about what really happened at the tunnel, to warn him of what this town could be like and Jacob had been too scared to do so. It really did sound like crazy talk and he didn't want to scare him away but that meant Connor had not been prepared for this at all. Not that Jacob was the picture perfect of prepared either but at least he knew. "I should have told you," he mumbled after a while and the thought that Connor might leave now crossed his mind, leaving a trail of anguished fire in its wake.
Connor didn’t want to go work either, ready to tuck Jacob into his car and take him home and never let him set foot outside again. That was insane, of course, but it had been an insane couple of days. Connor’s mind was still too stunned and tired to be hunting for a rational explanation of what he’d seen and experienced, currently just overwhelmed with relief that Jacob had made it through unscathed. He wasn't sure when he would have time to actually sit and think about it all, but Connor wasn’t looking forward to that. His brows lifted as his boy spoke and Connor pulled back enough to look him in the eye. “Told me what?” he asked softly, letting go of him enough to brush one hand over the side of Jacob’s face.
Jacob leaned into it, desperate for every little show of affection. He wasn't sure how to even say what he was thinking, even now that Connor had seen more than most. "How evil this place can be," he whispered and despite everything that had happened he still worried he just sounded insane. "Back in the tunnel... Grayson didn't walk in there and disappear." He licked his lips, watching Connor's face intently for any sign of skepticism. "Something... grabbed him."
The bad thing was, there was a bit of skepticism on Connor’s face, in the way his brows furrowed and his lips pulled a bit to one side. It was like a reflex. But then his brain reminded him that he apparently didn’t know shit about reality and his expression smoothed into something more like sympathy. “I don’t ... pretend to know what the fuck is happening, and I’m sure I’m due to freak out later, I just ... I believe you,” he settled on. Jacob really looked like he needed to hear it, and with how he was currently feeling, Connor was open to believe almost anything. “You can tell me everything later, huh?” he murmured, stroking Jacob’s jaw again.
That split second skepticism didn't escape Jacob's notice but it didn't surprise or disappoint him either. He'd have a hard time believing these things if he hadn't been there himself and even then he sometimes wondered if it had just been a bad batch of weed that made them all crazy. He knew better but the brain wanted to rationalize. He nodded softly and just being there and knowing that Connor and his friends were safe was making him feel less like a helpless passenger in a barely functioning body. "Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked, gesturing toward the door with a small tilt of his head.
Connor shook his head, his thumb still running over Jacob’s beautiful bone structure. A very faint smile crossed his face. “Unless you’re a nurse and didn’t tell me that either? I just need you to stay here, or close by, and I’ll get us out of here as soon as I can.” He would help them get through the worst of it this morning, and then he would have to bow out. Connor was already dead on his feet, and if he got much more tired he was going to start making mistakes, and that could be deadly in a hospital setting. Coverage was coming now that the roads were passable, he felt sure. “All I want right now is to know you’re safe,” he added in a softer murmur.
"I don't want to wait in here," Jacob admitted and it made him feel like he was being difficult though that didn't make a whole lot of sense. A good sub would just curl up under Connor's desk and wait or something but the thought of being alone made something inside him cramp up with fear. "I can just find a seat somewhere in the hallway or waiting room. I won't get in the way." He sounded whiny, he could hear it and he hated it but it was hard to sound cool and composed when he felt anything but.
Connor thought they were all entitled to a whine today, and he couldn’t really blame Jacob for not wanting to be trapped in a claustrophobic office. The part of him that desperately wanted control of something back made him want to insist for half a second, but Connor knew better. “Okay, that’s fine,” he murmured, and even dredged up a smile for Jacob. “Just don’t run off anywhere without telling me, okay?” His fingers dipped down under Jacob’s shirt collar and hooked around the metal collar that was underneath it. It was a comfort that it was still there, that this was still his Jacob. Connor gave it a gentle tug and kissed his boy again.
"I won't," Jacob promised before their lips met and the pull on his collar was soothing in ways he couldn't articulate, helping him feel a little more grounded. He closed his eyes, ignoring how gross he felt for now. If Connor wanted to kiss him in his current state, he was happy to oblige. "Just tell me where to be and I won't budge from there," he said softly and he knew it'd be easier to stay still somewhere if it was because Connor wanted him there.
Connor was plenty gross himself, and his desire to kiss Jacob overrode his natural fastidiousness. They could get cleaned up and properly reunited at home, but Connor wanted the physical reminder that they were both alive and safe before he went back out into the fray. “Come on, I need to get back to it anyway,” he murmured, letting go of Jacob reluctantly. “I think I know a good spot you can hang out, away from the crowd in the waiting room.” He snagged his boy’s hand to squeeze it briefly, then released him again to head for the door. Even in this chaotic crisis, he was too aware of prying eyes, and a public display wouldn’t do.
Jacob missed the feel of Connor's hand as soon as it was gone but he understood, no matter how unfair it was. He followed Connor until they reached a small waiting room where only two other people were currently seated, one reading a magazine, the other idly watching some soap opera on the small tv in the corner. "This'll do," Jacob murmured, wishing he could hug Connor again before he left. "I've got my phone too," he added as he sat down, in case Connor wanted to text him for whatever reason. This was going to be boring, but boring was far better than anxious and trying to hold onto sanity while not knowing if the people he loved were okay or not.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can. Text me if you need anything,” he said, giving Jacob a lingering look and a nod. Connor didn’t want to leave him there for too long, so he was making promises to himself that he wouldn’t even as he walked out of the room. However, he was pulled almost immediately back into work and before he knew it, a couple of hours had flown by. There were just so many people in so much distress, scratched and hurt from car wrecks and some suffering from exposure to all that cold for so long. Connor knew the morgue had to be filling up, too. It was just a catastrophe, all around.
Eventually he could barely keep his eyes open, and he had to throw in the towel before he started making irreparable mistakes. There was more staff present by then, and after the administration had hurriedly thanked him for all his hard work, they said he could go. Connor went to the small waiting room he’d left Jacob in, so incredibly ready to get home, get showered, and fall into bed with him.
Jacob had broken his promise about not budging but only briefly to head to the nearest vending machine. He needed something if he was going to be sitting here for a while and, as it turned out, he did. The soap opera turned to news but not so local that they ever touched on the fog. Arguments about buildings and roads became a blur in the background and Jacob's resolve slowly faltered and he was pretty sure he would die from boredom here. He couldn't play anything on his phone, too scared to waste the battery in case something else happened, the magazines were all stupidly boring - he checked - and the other people just didn't feel approachable. The only thing that really got him through being there was his brain, providing him with reasons, reminding him who he was waiting for and why. Just had to find a dom who's a doctor and not an architect or something super boring and not important in a crisis.
When Connor finally showed up again, Jacob didn't even dare to hope he was actually free to go. He might just be checking in, because that was so something Connor would do. He arched his brows in question, even as his body came alive again in that hope he didn't want it to feel.
Jacob was a sight for sore eyes all over again, and Connor couldn’t stop the faint smile that crossed his face. Unmindful of the few other people in the room, he up-nodded to Jacob and tilted his head towards the door he’d just stepped through. “Let’s get out of here,” he said quietly. It had occurred to him that Jacob might prefer to go home than go back to his place, but they could figure that out in the car. Connor was just ready to put Mercy behind him for now. Once Jacob was on his feet and with him, Connor led the way through some of the back halls to the door that led to the employee parking lot in the back. Luckily his car was unscathed -- he’d checked earlier -- and soon enough they were climbing in and truly alone at last.
Relief was like a hot shower Jacob released as it rushed through him, making it somehow easier to breathe and yet he tensed up again when they left the building. He tried not to let it show too much but he expected something to come around the corner, something big and dark with claws. He knew he wouldn't even feel fully safe in Connor's car until they were moving and he could see farther around them but seeing there were people in the parking lot and on the street helped a little. He forced himself to relax, letting his head thud back against the headrest as he focused on breathing, then reached over to find Connor's hand. He should probably go home and get clean clothes. The no clothes rule only extended to Connor's bedroom and at some point he'd have to leave again. Connor had a washer, he reminded himself. He didn't really need anything more than safety and comfort right now.
Connor didn’t feel compelled to make conversation or anything, he just took Jacob’s hand and kissed the back of it, then started up the car. The presence of other people was comforting, and that combined with his tiredness kept him from feeling very nervous as he pulled them out of the parking lot. Driving anywhere was going to be slow, there were still accidents everywhere to clear, abandoned cars, wreckage in the street. Connor held onto Jacob’s hand, glancing over at him every couple of minutes just to take in his face. “I can take you home if you’d like ...” he eventually offered, his tone quiet. “But I’d prefer you come home with me. How do you feel?”
"I'm coming home with you," Jacob said, turning his head to watch Connor. If he focused on his face then he could stop looking for monsters on the horizon. "I don't need anything from home." Maybe later when he was sure this was really over he would start getting restless and want to get back to his work but right now he wanted to sleep, he wanted to cling to Connor, he wanted to shower. All of those things were available to him at Connor's place. "I feel..." He faltered, unsure how he felt right now. He knew how he'd felt two hours ago, terrified, traumatized, exhausted. Now he felt like he'd taken something, his head was fuzzy and his feelings were muted. "I don't know. How do you feel?"
That was a bit of a relief, though Connor instinctively tried not to let it show. He would keep Jacob with him as long as he possibly could, sure deep down that the company would keep him from going completely insane over what had happened. He drove toward home and tried to give Jacob’s question some thought. “Completely exhausted, tapped out,” he answered finally, giving a sigh. “I think I’ve slept maybe ... three hours? In the past ... over forty-eight?” He didn’t know yet when the hospital would want him back, but Connor was pretty sure he was going to turn his phone off for at least a good twelve hours. What was supposed to have been a ten hour shift had turned into a two day nightmare, and he needed the break. “I can’t deal with anything but some food, a shower, and bed right now.”
Jacob didn't often wish he could drive but he did now because Connor looked tired and hearing how little he'd slept made Jacob's stomach twist with sympathy. He had slept plenty. It hadn't been restful sleep but it had been an escape and it had helped pass the time. He certainly hadn't been running around helping people, unlike Connor he was fucking useless. "Then that's what we'll do," he said softly. "I'll take care of you for a change, anything you need." He gave Connor a faint smile the next time he looked over, idly stroking his thigh. It was times like these that made him realize how little he knew Connor really. They always got together in a dom/sub situation and he still wasn't sure how far that stretched in Connor's life. He'd told him he loved him that morning and it had been so stupid, an emotional reaction to a lot of fear and trauma. It hadn't been a lie, it was just so early. He could definitely imagine himself falling in love with Connor, but he was still getting to know him. Stupid. Connor had said it back but that didn't really mean anything because he'd been scared and tired too. They'd have to talk about it, Jacob guessed. Or maybe not. Maybe he could just try to let it fade into obscurity.
Connor hadn’t forgotten the declaration of love, or his response to it, he just wasn’t ready to give it deeper thought. Which was something he maybe should have done before he said ‘I love you’ back to Jacob, but emotions ran high in a crisis, and considering the lack of rest he’d had and all ... he did have feelings for the boy, they just couldn’t be properly parsed out yet. Everything was developing so quickly, and Connor now had this new dimension to reality to somehow grasp, it was just too much at once. He smiled faintly at Jacob’s words. “You already take care of me,” he murmured. Maybe it wasn’t in a servile sort of way, but Jacob did more for him than Connor could begin to explain. Even now, just having someone there to decompress with was doing wonders. Or would do, once they were actually home. He was quiet for the rest of the drive, his hand resting on Jacob’s on his thigh until he pulled up to his small place in Seaview. It looked undamaged from the front, which was a relief. Connor just hoped everything was in good working order inside. He climbed out of the car and let them in, grateful to start peeling off his coat and shoes at the door.
It was a little weird not to have a hat to tug off, a stray thought that came out of nowhere as Jacob peeled off the outer layers of clothes. He'd need to buy a new one and for some reason it was overwhelming to think about it. His hat was out there somewhere, maybe in the claws of a monster. Jeff hadn't been wearing it when he came back in at least. He was fixating and at least he realized it and tried to focus on the here and now again as he toed off his shoes. "Can I throw all of these in the washer?" he asked, tugging on his t-shirt to clarify. A shower was a priority right now, he felt gross and while he might be able to stomach that for a little longer if he was alone, he didn't want to be gross with Connor.
“Of course, yeah,” Connor said. He made a vague gesture toward the small laundry room -- it was more of a closet, really -- and gave Jacob a faint smile. He wanted to get his own clothes off as soon as humanly possible too and crawl into the shower, but he was still wearing scrubs that shouldn’t get washed with Jacob’s clothes. Connor usually left those at the hospital until he had a bag big enough to get washed in the ultra-hot washers there, but he’d been so ready to leave, he hadn’t wanted to change. “Don’t start it yet though, it’ll steal all our hot water. I’ve got some stuff you can wear ‘til they’re clean. I’ll get the shower running, come on in when you’re ready.” Connor started for the master bedroom, stripping his shirt off as he went with a little groan.
"I'll just stay in the bedroom," Jacob called after him, only half kidding. There was that rule about no clothes in the bedroom so if he stayed there, logic dictated he didn't need clothes until he was ready to leave again. In all honesty, the idea of staying in Connor's bedroom for a long time sounded pretty good. Jacob didn't want to go home even if he knew he had to and soon. He still had work to do, though his deadline was thankfully not until Monday so he still had the whole weekend to work on his line art. He shoved his clothes into the washer and padded naked toward the bedroom, leaving his phone on the dresser before joining Connor in the bathroom. He was acutely aware that Connor's place wasn't exactly a sturdy fortress and they probably wouldn't be all that safe in here if things went sideways again, but he had to believe they were safe for now or he wouldn't be able to breathe.
Connor wasn’t thinking about outside dangers at the moment. If he did, he probably wouldn’t have been able to function, and he needed to. He’d worked himself to the point of exhaustion before, and it never turned out pretty if he didn’t stop and rest. First he needed to be clean though, so Connor had stripped in the bathroom and left his dirty scrubs wrapped in a spare towel on the floor to be dealt with later. He started the hot water running in the shower, adjusting the temperature just a tiny bit as Jacob appeared again. They were both still dirty, but all of that bare skin was too tempting, so he pulled his boy into a nude embrace, sliding his fingers through the back of Jacob’s hair. Connor couldn’t even express how relieved he was that he could do this, so he just held onto him for a minute or two, then kissed his temple and let go so they could get into the shower.
The skin to skin contact felt unmeasurably good and Jacob clung to Connor, drinking in that comfort and letting himself feel more human in that way human touch was so helpful with. He gave Connor a little smile when he pulled back and if he wasn't so damn tired he would have appreciated the view a lot more than he did. Right now they were just bodies. Tired and slightly traumatized bodies so sexual thoughts were muted. It made Jacob feel like something was missing but if experience had taught him anything it was that he'd get over that particular thing fast. Nightmares and insecurity would linger but this lack of libido would be gone soon. He slipped into the shower after Connor and the warm water was so satisfying against his skin, he wished they could stay in there for hours. It wasn't realistic and it wouldn't feel good either but the urge was still there. It was in part an urge to never have to face reality again because he was sure that in a matter of days when things settled down and the weight of what had happened really hit, Connor would pack his things and leave. It was what Jacob should do too but even if he left with him there was no guarantee that this relationship was sustainable in Portland. Everything would change and Jacob was terrified of it. He snuck a kiss on Connor's shoulder as they washed, keeping all his worries, apologies and information under wraps for now. Connor looked so tired, the last thing he needed was more shit to worry about.
Connor’s brain was definitely less busy than Jacob’s at the moment. It had been going a hundred miles an hour for too long, and right then it was taking quite a bit of focus to wash himself in the right order. Having Jacob in there with him was lovely, but he didn’t feel many urges to grope him or initiate anything sexual. Connor just wanted to get clean and go to sleep with his boy in bed with him. Once they’d shampooed and scrubbed -- it was so handy to have someone to wash his back for him -- and rinsed everything off, Connor cut the water off and got out. He handed a towel over to Jacob before drying himself off and moved to the sink to brush his teeth next. Once that was done, he felt more like a human being. A very very tired one. Connor shuffled into the bedroom. “Help yourself to ... anything, of course,” he said over his shoulder to Jacob, the words sounding vague and disconnected.
Actually brushing his teeth felt almost better than the shower and Jacob was starting to feel better and better with every minute that ticked by. There were still things causing him anxiety but physically he felt good now and that went a long way in making him feel better overall. There were plenty of things to be worried about today but he found himself worrying the most about Connor and the way he spoke didn't help that at all. Don't push - he told himself. Give him space. It was just hard to do that when he wanted to cling and fret and ask if he was okay until it became annoying. He left the towel in the bathroom to dry and padded naked after Connor when he was ready, crawling up on the bed next to him. "Do you need anything? You look so tired." Jacob was tired too but in such a different way, his body felt fine with moving and he wasn't so sure he could sleep.
Connor knew somewhere in the haze that he wasn’t being a very good host. Not that he really considered Jacob a guest anymore. They were more familiar than that, at least. He’d crawled onto the bed and flopped onto his stomach, only halfway on the pillow he wanted, and uncovered by the mussed up blankets. Connor opened his eyes again when the mattress moved with Jacob’s weight, but Connor couldn’t find the motivation to move much. He slid one hand to tuck under his cheek as he gazed at his boy. “No, no needs. I’m about to crash though, m’sorry,” he murmured. “You sleepy yet?” He moved his leg to nudge it against Jacob a bit. Selfishly, Connor wanted to pull him in and snuggle the shit out of him, but Jacob looked far more awake than he was, and Connor didn’t want him to feel stuck if he wanted to stay up for a while.
"Not really, but I can rest," Jacob murmured honestly. Connor's bed was so comfortable, especially compared to the sleeping bag on the floor Jacob had been resting on lately, that curling up on it for a while actually sounded tempting. He shifted his weight and stretched out next to Connor, gingerly tugging blankets up over Connor's legs. Connor might not need anything at that moment but Jacob still felt that urge to take care of him somehow and he gently stroked his cheek with his knuckles once he was satisfied with the blankets. "I might go watch TV or something later, I'll try not to wake you."
In spite of his exhaustion, Connor smiled as Jacob re-settled himself. That soft brush against his cheek was sweet. He rolled onto his side and adjusted his body and his pillow and then Jacob, pulling him into a spoon. Connor nuzzled his face into the back of the boy’s neck and inhaled deeply. “Make yourself at home,” he murmured in a belated answer. He meant it too, rules and decorum aside, he wanted Jacob to feel like he belonged there. Connor planned to offer it as his home too, that just had to wait until he could actually keep his eyes open. His body wasn’t going to allow him to stay awake much longer, but he was thankful it had hung in there until he was able to get where he currently was.
Jacob stayed until long after Connor fell asleep, reluctant to move away from him even after he started getting a little bored. After a while he realized Connor was going to sleep for a long time and even if he drifted off to sleep himself, he'd keep waking up, not nearly as much in need of the rest as Connor was. He wasn't used to being alone at Connor's house so slipping away by himself was a little weird but it gave him a chance to charge his phone, text his friends and decompress a little. Eventually he found his way back to the bedroom, content to curl up against Connor again while idly reading stuff on his phone until he felt drowsy.