Who: Caden and Roxy When: Morning, Monday, December 25 Where: Home Status: complete
Caden was not exactly a festive person. He tolerated Christmas because… well, it was fucking Christmas. The bar was closed and he actually liked spending time with his family… well, usually his brothers anyway. It was maybe the only time of the year he would willingly go to his mom and dad’s house to see his mom, but Caden kept those visits brief.
Today Caden knew they would be going to Gavin’s later and the house was probably going to be a bit cramped. Gavin, two teenage kids, he and Roxy and Charlie Harris. Aaron, assuming he wasn’t high as a kite. Caden just hoped they could get through the evening without bickering or arguing over something stupid. Having Mila back created something of an invisible storm cloud over the whole day. Caden knew she was still in the hospital, and he knew he ought to be happy she was alive, but Aaron was still a mess, and yes, Caden still blamed her for everything… despite knowing deep down this might have been all his fault. Well, he and Gavin.
In any case, Caden tried to put all of that out of his mind. It was a decent day out, but for all of the goddamn snow, and Caden was dressed already and in the kitchen attempting to cook some bacon and eggs for Roxy to wake up to. He had actually bought one of those cans of ready to cook cinnamon rolls and he felt pretty ridiculous in the kitchen trying to do all this shit at once while brewing coffee.
There were a few gifts under the tree for Roxy, and a couple for Aaron though he imagined they’d take all that shit to Gavin’s for exchanging later. He knew Roxy was unhappy with him… again… so he was going to do his best to give her a nice day and not fuck it up.
Roxy usually enjoyed Christmas. It had always been the one time of year that her family put real effort into getting along. Everybody just seemed happier for a few days. That sense of comforting peace had more or less carried over when she’d spent more holidays with the Lucas family than her own. She enjoyed shopping for and giving presents, the food was always good around this time of year ... she usually liked it. But this year, things felt different. Roxy hadn’t felt a single flicker of holiday cheer. There was too much on her mind and heart. She’d still done the shopping and had baked cookies and decorated the house and tree, but it all felt so empty. Between Spence and Mila and Aaron and her mixed up feelings about Caden ... she needed that break more than she’d expressed. She just had to get through another little while.
Roxy woke up slowly, lying still in bed until she’d determined that Caden wasn’t in it anymore. She stared toward the window for a little while, looking at the whiteness out there, then realized she smelled food and could hear some soft kitchen sounds. Was he cooking breakfast? It had to be Caden, no way was Aaron doing it. Roxy mustered up the willpower to get up. She went to the bathroom first, then pulled her fluffy robe on and walked out into the kitchen, pulling her hair up into a messy, loose knot. “Morning,” she murmured once she was close enough. “Need a hand?”
Caden looked over when Roxy appeared, smiling faintly at how sleepy cute she looked. He half expected Aaron to appear next with the smell of food and coffee in the air, but Caden figured he had a bit of time before that happened. If anything they might have to go in and wake Aaron up, depending on how many Oxy his brother had taken before bed. "Nah, I got it," Caden told her, holding the spatula away as he leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of her lips. "Can't guarantee it'll taste great, but...nothing's smoking, so I think it's going to be okay. Got you some coffee," Caden said, nodding to the mug on the counter that he had poured when he heard her in the bathroom. "Sleep okay?"
She accepted the kiss with a small, automatic smooch back of her own as her eyes swept over what Caden was doing on the stove. It all smelled good and looked fine, so she supposed he was doing pretty well. Roxy was more than a little surprised he was cooking for her -- he usually only attempted that on her birthday. Was he trying to be a better boyfriend? Or butter her up for something? “Thank you,” she said as she moved around him to pick up the coffee mug. “Yeah I slept all right,” she said after her first sip. He’d even gotten the sugar right. Roxy pressed a kiss against the back of Caden’s shoulder before she went to sit down at the kitchen table. “What about you?”
He had slept like shit but what was the point of saying it? "I slept fine," Caden said. "Got up to check on Aaron a couple times, but he seemed pretty out of it." He didn't want to start talking about all of that, since he had a feeling that would lead to an argument and Caden was trying really hard to avoid that today. The oven beeped that the cinnamon rolls were ready so he kept moving as he spoke as not to risk burning everything. "I figured we could let him sleep for a bit longer before we have to get him up to get ready to go." It kind of amused him that it sounded like Aaron was a kid or something. "He seems to be getting around easier though, so maybe he's healing quicker than they thought he would."
It was kind of like having a kid. A giant, ugly baby who drank too much. Roxy felt for him, she really did, but the sooner he was well enough to be on his own again, the better. She just hoped they weren’t staring down the barrel of a pill problem next. She was trying to be optimistic, especially now that Mila was back. The universe needed to cut them all a fucking break. “That’s good, I hope so,” Roxy said. It wasn’t a completely selfish hope, she did want Aaron to get better. “How about you, you feeling ready for some festive family time?” She smirked a little bit as she asked, wanting to avoid the heavier topics as much as Caden did. This was going to be a challenging enough day, they didn’t need to make it harder on each other.
With the problems he and Roxy were having, it certainly wasn't helping having Aaron around. But Gavin had his hands full with Jasper and Amelia, Kat was doing her own thing and they sure as shit couldn't dump Aaron on their parents. That would make everything worse for everyone. But Roxy was being patient and helping out way more than she needed to, so he did appreciate it, even if he was shit at saying so. Hopefully he could make today a good day for her. Or maybe he'd make it worse. Caden never knew what the hell would happen on any given day. He shot her a grin as he got their plates full of food. "Oh yeah, I'm really fuckin' ready to sing some Christmas carols and drink egg nog, can't you tell? At least we don't have to be the ones worrying about cooking and havin' people over and all that. Hopefully the day goes by fast and we can come home and just... relax together for a while."
“Mmm, the jolliness is just spilling out of your ears,” she said with some smirky amusement. Caden and ‘jolly’ didn’t exactly go together. But he seemed to be in a good enough mood this morning, so she was taking that as a blessing. Something tugged bittersweetly in her chest at the last part, and she smiled more warmly at his back. “Yeah, that would be nice,” she murmured. This was nice too, just the two of them together in the kitchen. It felt kind of soft and homey, and it eased the knot in her a tiny bit. Roxy sipped her coffee and sat up straighter when Caden came with their plates. “This all looks good, baby,” she said as she looked over her food and picked up a fork. “Thank you.”
Caden got his coffee after handing Roxy her plate, then he joined her at the table. He left plenty for Aaron for when he woke up and wanted to eat. "I know we're going to Gavin's later, but you know, is there anything you wanted to do today?" Most places were closed, but even if Roxy wanted time alone Caden didn't mind taking Aaron out somewhere, or even going to visit his mom on his own. He was trying to be more mindful of giving her space if she wanted it, or at least making sure she had a say in some stuff. Women liked baths, right? Maybe she would just wanted a bath without he or Aaron interrupting or distracting her. Caden had no idea, but he figured if she knew what she wanted, she'd tell him.
He didn’t ask it with the usual put-upon or bored tone those words usually came with. Roxy’s chewing paused briefly and she smiled a little. “Um ... I dunno, maybe we can kinda ... come home a little early. Leave Aaron at Gavin’s for a while, make a fire in the fireplace. Just us?” She tilted her head at him a bit, studying his face. In spite of what she’d told him she wanted to do once Aaron was on his own again, Roxy didn’t want to straight up avoid Caden until then. Maybe the desire to escape would lessen if they got some better time together. Roxy just wanted to have some time to turn her brain off and not worry about pill-popping brothers and tortured best friends and burning churches and how stressful and cursed everything seemed. “I wanted to go to Mass, but I guess that’s not happening now,” she murmured.
Caden nodded as he sipped his coffee. "Yeah, I think that'd be fine. I don't think Gavin would mind if Aaron hangs out there for a while today. Might be good for Aaron to spend time with Jasper and Amelia and the dogs and all that. He'd just come here and spend all night his room alone." Or go to the hospital to see Mila and Caden still wasn't sure he wanted that to happen. He had heard about the church, and while it didn't affect him, he knew Roxy was probably upset about it. He glanced at her and then forked up some of his eggs. "There's that other church, if you wanted to just... go to church. Fellowship, something. Probably better than nothing, right?" He wasn't going to volunteer to go with her. Caden was not a fan of churches, or religion as a whole. It felt phony to him to go listen to sermons and hymns when he didn't believe a word of them.
“Not necessarily,” Roxy murmured as she picked up a piece of bacon. She’d been raised very Catholic and she knew that strip mall church was definitely not Catholic. Roxy wanted to sing the hymns she knew and hear the Latin of the Mass and light a few prayer candles. The rituals were soothing. But St. Dismas was mostly gone and the priest was missing, and it didn’t feel right to go to another church. “I’ll skip it this year. Just ... hang out with family.” She gave him a faint smile before she took another bite. She would call her own family at least, to wish them Merry Christmas and let her mother fuss at her about something or other -- there was always something -- but besides that she would spend it with the Lucases. As long as she got Caden to herself for a while, she felt okay with that.
Caden didn't mind if she didn't want to go to another church. That just meant he didn't have to drive her there in this shitty weather. He went back to eating, letting a few quiet moments pass. He didn't hear Aaron stirring or anything, so they would probably be able to finish their breakfast without company. "I got you something," Caden said finally, looking over at Roxy. "I'd kind of like to give it to you now, instead of at Gavin's. If you want, anyway." Or with Aaron there. He honestly wasn't sure if she would even like, or want it, but Caden had to imagine it was a better gift than perfume or lingerie.
Roxy knew there were a couple of gifts under their tree for her, but Caden didn’t really sound like he was talking about those. They always got each other something, rarely was it anything that required privacy to give, so he’d piqued her curiosity. She was pretty well done with her food, so it seemed like a good time as she nudged the plate away. “Sure, yeah,” she said, pulling her coffee mug in closer as she looked at him and tried to read his face. It was harder these days, and Roxy didn’t know if that was her own mental chaos or what. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Whenever he was ready. Was he ever ready for anything? Caden hesitated and then set his coffee mug down before slipping his hand into the pocket of the zip up hoodie he was wearing. He set the tiny box down in front of her. It wasn't wrapped, but had a red ribbon wrapped in a bow around it. Maybe jewelry didn't always fix everything, and this probably wouldn't either, but he wanted her to have it and today felt like the best kind of day to give it to her. Caden just hoped she liked what was inside. “Merry Christmas,” he murmured.
So it wasn’t even under the tree, it was in his pocket. And it was a tiny jewelry box. Roxy’s heart had started to beat hard, and she stared at it blankly for a breath or two before she let go of her coffee mug to reach for it. She tried to tell herself not to hope for a diamond ring. She’d been wrong before, like on her birthday, maybe this was just another pair of earrings, but some instinct told her it wasn’t. A fine tremor in her fingers, Roxy carefully pulled the ribbon off and opened the box. Her breath caught. Sparkling there against the velvet was a lovely white gold ring with an eye-shaped setting for the large diamond, several other small glittery ones lining the upper curve like eyelashes. It was unmistakably an engagement ring, Caden wasn’t that thickheaded, he knew what he was handing her.
Tears immediately filled Roxy’s eyes and she put a hand over her mouth, looking down at it. It was beautiful, understated and her style, and it was just his style not to even say anything about it, just give it to her over breakfast. Part of her wanted to jump up and bounce around for absolute joy, because finally. Another part wanted to throw it at him and scream that he couldn’t do this to her now, not when everything was so fucked up, and he hadn’t even said anything. “Caden, oh my God,” she whispered, looking up at him. That was about all she could muster at the moment.
He was worried the diamond wasn't big enough and shit like that, but he had liked the look of this one, and it was what he could afford, so he was somewhat relieved when she seemed pleased. Tears weren't always for misery, right? Caden reached out and took the ring from the box, holding it between his fingers as he looked at her. "It's a long time coming," he told her, appearing somewhat apologetic. "I should've done it years ago, but I'm an asshole. I'm sorry." Caden managed a small smile before reaching out for her left hand. He didn't put it on her finger yet, because he hadn't asked, and she hadn't said yes and assuming would probably piss her off, understandably so. His brows lifted and he tried not to appear too eager, though it was evident in his eyes. "Will you marry me?"
It had been a long time coming, it was something Roxy had dreamed about and pined for for years, and now it was happening. Her fingers felt cold against Caden’s, and Roxy had put her other hand over her mouth again, muffling the tiny high-pitched noise that came out of her. He was looking at her so earnestly, like honestly hopeful, and Roxy thought her heart might beat its way out of her chest. She’d never dreamed that the perfect proposal would involve Caden calling himself an asshole and apologizing, with her hair a wreck and no makeup on ... but here they were. There was doubt in her heart, of course, how could there not be? But this gesture was beyond big. Roxy had given up hope that Caden would ever want to marry her. And things had been getting better between them, right? Slowly but surely. She loved him and she’d already put so much time into this relationship ... and if she’d gotten him to move on this, maybe she could get a baby out of him too. Roxy tried to compose herself, swiping at the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Yes,” she said thickly, nodding in case it was unintelligible. “Yes.”
Caden grinned and slid the ring onto her finger. He was relieved it fit properly since he had to swipe one of her rings in her jewelry box to take with him to the store. Caden knew this was something she had wanted for years, and she had stuck by him even when he insisted this was something he didn't want, or need. Marriage was... well, like church. Bullshit. But he loved Roxy and he knew he needed to bend with something, or she would probably leave for good. Caden leaned over, slipping a hand around the nape of her neck to pull her close so he could kiss her.
The ring fit, which was another vague surprise -- Roxy would’ve expected to have to get it re-sized. But it felt snug and perfect on her finger, like it belonged there. She turned some in her chair to reach him easier, sniffling a tiny bit as their mouths met. A few seconds later, Roxy pulled back a bit and got up to move, nudging Caden to move so she could straddle his lap. She slipped her arms around his shoulders as she settled on him and kissed him more solidly. Roxy had wanted this for years and despite everything, she still did. Her throat still feeling thick with emotion, she pulled back enough to look into Caden’s eyes, her hands sliding to cup his face. “Are you sure?” she whispered. “You want this too?”
Caden settled his hands on her hips and nodded, a faint smile playing at his lips. "Did you ever know me to do anything I didn't want to do?" No, he never did. He didn't compromise or bend. Maybe that had always been part of his problem, but Caden had been through enough shit in his life that he had to have control over something. And maybe he got his asshole, stubborn nature from his dad. That was a depressing thought, but a truthful one. He just hoped she wouldn't dive head first into wedding plans, that they could wait a bit before doing all the crazy shit. Maybe she would be okay with just eloping. But Caden didn't want to talk about any of that right now.
While Roxy was in agreement that Caden needed to be more flexible about some things, marriage was a Big Deal, and not something she wanted him to go into lightly. Especially considering how hard he’d resisted it in the past. Was he just doing this now because she’d told him she’d thought about leaving? Because she wanted some time to herself after the family settled down some? Was this some desperate bid to keep her? ... but didn’t she want him to be desperate for that? So often she felt like he could be done with her and not lose a wink of sleep over it. But if he was willing to give her this ... Roxy studied Caden’s face for a long moment, then kissed him again, her fingers sliding back into his short hair. “I love you, you stubborn asshole,” she murmured against his lips.
There it was again. Stubborn asshole. Caden had a feeling that would be engraved on his headstone when he died. But he was okay with that. He was who he was. "I love you too," he told her. And Caden wasn't naïve enough to believe this fixed everything, but it had to be a step, right? And maybe once Aaron was out of the house they could actually celebrate and have some time to themselves. Hell, maybe Gavin would be willing to keep Aaron overnight once they found out. "And I don't want you to think this is my way of keeping you around if you still want to go off and... do whatever. You still need space, that's fine. I'm not gonna be angry about it."
All of the Lucases were stubborn assholes in their own way, Roxy had found. Caden had his own abrasive brand of it, and she’d considered more than once that she might end up tied to another Joseph Lucas for the rest of her life. But there was more to Caden than she’d ever seen out of his father, and she had her own stubborn asshole streak that her mother-in-law didn’t have. Soon to be mother-in-law, that was. Roxy felt some more surprise as Caden addressed one of her concerns without her having to say anything. She stared at him for a few heartbeats, fingers idly curling against the nape of his neck. Why did she keep feeling like he was different somehow? If they weren’t such positive changes, she might really be worried. Had Caden really done some soul-searching and growing? It was probably sad that felt like too much to hope for ... but she couldn’t deny that things were getting better. “Thank you for understanding,” she murmured. “And I don’t ... I don’t like, want to get away from you, I hope you know that. I just need some room from everything to breathe and think straight. It’s been a lot, for a long time.” Roxy looked a little helpless, not sure how else to explain it.
"I know," he said, even if he really didn't. Of course Roxy wanted to get away from him. Hell, if he was her, he'd want to get away from him too. Stubborn assholes were no fun to be around. At the same time, he also knew that they had all been dealing with a lot of shit. This town wasn't pleasant to live in, no matter what the name was. "You sure you want to go alone?" Caden asked her. "You could... take Mila, if she's up to it. Or someone else." He had no idea who because he had no idea who else Roxy was friends with. Caden only knew Mila well because she grew up next door and then she had been working at the bar when Roxy started. Roxy's other friends were forgettable.
To Roxy, love wasn’t about fun anyway, it was about loyalty, but she wasn’t sure how to tell him that he was just part of a bigger shitty blanket of things that she had to get a break from. The back of her mind was already buzzing with doubt about saying yes, and Roxy felt like she really needed some time to herself to think. She shook her head a little sadly at his suggestion, though she appreciated it. “I need to be alone,” she said softly. “Mila has too much on her already, and she’s part of why I need a break.” Roxy leaned in against Caden more, her arms closing around him again as she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. He smelled good, familiar and clean, and she suddenly wished they could just spend Christmas alone in bed. “If we’re gonna get married ... we can’t hit each other anymore, okay Caden?” she murmured into his chest. “‘To have and to hold’ means protect. Can we agree on that?”
Caden didn't really understand it, but he wasn't going to argue. And Roxy might have been safer on her own than with Mila anyway. They still weren't sure she was herself. Admittedly the next thing Roxy said made him want to get up and go somewhere else. The bar, even though it was closed for the day. But at least she said we and not him because Roxy had done her fair share of damage in the past. "People don't change overnight," he said simply, though he was careful to keep the annoyance out of his voice. Did she think he enjoyed fighting with her? "But we can try. That's what I'm trying to do anyway."
Roxy felt like it had to be said. It usually wasn’t something they directly talked about as an unspoken rule, but maybe they ought to. Drag the dark thing out into the light and let it wither. The last thing she wanted to be was a battered wife like her mother. She’d been internally braced for the defensive anger she so often got with things like that, but to her surprise Caden sounded calm. And he was trying, that was pretty obvious. They hadn’t had a physical fight in months now, and that was progress. Roxy lifted her head again to look into Caden’s eyes. “I see you trying,” she told him. “Even before ... y’know, the ring.” She smiled faintly. “And it’s been good. You’re doing good, Caden.” She wanted to pet him some more, but didn’t want to annoy him, so her fingers curled in the back of his shirt instead. It felt weird to praise him, but Roxy thought maybe she should try at that, too. She wanted him to know she knew the effort was there. Finally.
He wasn't overly fond of the way she said it, placing the blame of the badness entirely on his shoulders. But Caden bit back his irritation. He was trying and he appreciated her acknowledgment, but something in the way she acknowledged it didn't sit well with him. He could only imagine how she would react if he asked her to work on things too, to try and stop the bullshit that bothered him. It wouldn't go over well, and it was Christmas so it made sense to set it aside for a day. Caden smiled at her instead, deciding part of that doing good should be letting shit go when it bothered him. "Maybe we should wake Aaron up and make sure he eats and takes a shower before we head over to Gavin's. Don't want him sleeping all day." Or popping pills, which Caden planned on supervising today if he could help it.
There was a tension in that smile that she could read even if she didn’t quite know how. It was familiarity as a survival instinct. But it told her as much as his words did that the soft portion of this morning was over. It kind of hurt, considering he’d just proposed to her and she was trying to be supportive ... but Roxy was used to those small barbs, wasn’t she? “Yeah, probably,” she agreed softly. Roxy gave him a final light kiss and got off of him. She picked up their plates to take back to the sink to take care of, then paused to look over her shoulder. “Do you want ... are we telling anyone?” she asked. “Like announcing to the family or ...?”
"We can do whatever you want to do," Caden said, reaching for his coffee now that she was away from the table. "If you want to tell them today, that's fine. I think with Mila back, maybe it'll be easier on Aaron." People who were going through something shitty usually felt worse when someone else had good news to share. Or maybe that was just Caden. "I mean, they'll figure it out if they see the ring on your finger." So maybe she would enjoy it more being able to tell people rather than waiting for people to pay attention to something like her hands.
Part of Roxy didn’t want to announce it at all, just let the news trickle through the family until everyone just knew. She wasn’t sure what kind of deal they would make of it, or think Caden was stupid for making the move, or what. She was glad that he hadn’t done it in front of anyone, because she really didn’t know how to feel about any of it. “Yeah, maybe,” she murmured about Aaron. That was another stitch of guilt. Who even knew if he and Mila had a future, and now Roxy and Caden were engaged? “I’ll see how it goes, I guess.” It wasn’t really a decision, but it was all she had at the moment, if Caden didn’t have any preference. Roxy went to rinse the plates and put them in the washer.
"Sometimes that's all we can do," Caden said with a faint smile. He watched her for a moment, sipping his coffee. "I love you," he added, because it felt like he should. Her moods seemed to be as unpredictable as his own sometimes. If he didn't say or do the right thing, she got quiet and withdrawn. Both of them were pretty shit at communication, but hopefully that would change now. Maybe. Caden was working at it, but Roxy had to do her part too.
“I love you too,” Roxy said, looking over at him with a little smile while she dried her hands. She knew she should probably be over the moon excited like most women were when their man popped the question, but everything felt so jumbled, she couldn’t muster it. It was hard enough to sort out what she was feeling for herself, much less someone who always seemed annoyed by her emotions in the first place. It was all hers to deal with. Roxy moved in close again to kiss the top of Caden’s head and squeezed his shoulder. “I’m gonna get a quick shower while you get Aaron up,” she murmured. “He takes all the hot water.” Hopefully Aaron would want coffee before he wanted to get clean. Roxy turned to head back toward the bedroom.
The words were perfunctory, but that wasn't surprising either. She was back into her low mood. The ring had given him a few minutes of joy but that was it. It didn't really bother Caden. That was relationships... marriage. He saw the same shit in his mom's expression, the same tone in her words. Some part of Caden wanted to just get into his truck and drive out of here, never look back and start a new life down south where he wouldn't have to deal with all this snow. But this was home and he would just deal with it, like everything else. "Sounds good. I'll get him some coffee," he told her. That would buy her some time to shower and get dressed. Caden would finish his own first though and try not to think about anything else.