mila (listentoteeth) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2019-06-21 14:18:00 |
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Entry tags: | #december 2017, aaron, aaron x mila, mila |
Who: Mila and Aaron
When: Morning, Sunday, December 24
Where: The hospital
Status: Complete
She had only been in the hospital for a day, but it felt like an eternity. After Roxy left the day before Mila waited for Aaron, drifting in and out of consciousness. Her parents returned shortly before dinner and stayed for several hours, so Mila wasn’t sure if Aaron came and left when he saw her mom and dad, or if he just never made it back. It was okay that he hadn’t. Mila couldn’t remember what had happened when he first showed up and she was afraid she had made everything worse. She hadn’t been lying when she told Roxy Aaron should hate her. Honestly, Mila wasn’t entirely sure they could ever come back from what had happened. If this was all real, anyway. So far it felt real. Everyone was being helpful and nice, and her mom and dad were there, holding her hands and talking to her without any malice or rage in their voices.
Still, Mila hated being in that hospital bed, especially when she was alone. She had bad dreams and then woke up to an empty, sterile room and it freaked her out. She spit up black goo more often than she thought was probably normal… if spitting up black goo was normal at all… and her entire body itched. The doctor told her it was the healing process, but it felt deeper than that. If she was really home, maybe it was her body trying to adjust from being in there to being here again.
It was a bit surprising to hear it was Christmas Eve when she woke up. A nurse carrying her breakfast was wearing a candy cane hat and a ridiculous looking reindeer pin on her scrubs. Her food was left on the tray by her bed but Mila didn’t have much of an appetite, so she stared out the window to where it was snowing. The nurse’s station down the hall had a radio or something playing Christmas carols. The sound made her feel restless and uncomfortable, but she couldn’t get up to shut the door to her room either.
Mila closed her eyes and breathed in and out, wishing for more morphine, or whatever was in her IV. Her parents would probably be at church this morning and Roxy would be with Caden and his family… Aaron. Probably. The snow called to her again and Mila opened her eyes, turning her face back toward the window.
Aaron had not made it back to the hospital the day before. He’d gone home -- back to Caden’s, anyway -- to drown his sorrows as best he could, smothering his overflowing emotions into a pillow until the pills and booze worked their magic. Then he’d just slept, deep and mostly dreamless. It had been nice for a while, but consciousness always seemed to drag him back.
Aaron had woken up early on Christmas Eve morning, while the house was still quiet. He looked up the visiting hours at the hospital on his phone about six times before he’d gotten up to get ready. He hadn’t cared about them the day before, but he was sure there would be no sheriff around to beg to let him back to Mila’s room this time. Aaron took a long shower and shaved and brushed his teeth, then bundled up to go out. He wasn’t even sure if the bar was open today, but he used that as an internal excuse to not call Gavin. His oldest brother had wanted to accompany him when he went back to the hospital, but Aaron didn’t want to wait. He just wanted to bet there, parents or no parents.
After a brief stop at Mila’s house to get a few things -- it was locked up and cold inside, but Aaron had a key and he did his best not to look at the big blood stain on the floor -- he was on his way to Mercy. He saw Mr. and Mrs. Moretti’s names on the guest sheet when he signed in, but there was an ‘out’ time too, which was a relief. They would probably be back, it was Christmas Eve after all, but Aaron hoped he would miss them.
He was scared as he walked down the hall toward Mila’s door. She’d been scared of him before, hysterical. Aaron didn’t want to upset her all over again, he just ... God, he just wanted to talk to her, hold her hand, kiss her. It felt like it had been forever. His heart beating in his throat, Aaron hesitated at the door. It was open, but it took an extra minute or two before he could peer around the edge of it. All the machines seemed to be beeping okay, and he could tell that Mila was sitting up somewhat and looking out the window. He took a couple of deeper breaths and twisted the handle of the cloth bag in his hands a few times, then stepped into the doorway, rapping softly on the door with his knuckles.
Mila acknowledged the knock at the door a bit belatedly, the sound lost in the rhythmic beeping of the machines. And the snow was so pretty outside that it was distracting. But then she sensed someone else's presence and Mila turned her face to look over at the door. It was Aaron. Her pulse quickened but there was no sense of terror, just very, very mild panic. Roxy had promised her he was alive, and now he was standing in her doorway. For a split second, Mila wondered if his gut and chest would start gushing blood like it did back in the tunnel and that would finally be the thing to bring her back to reality. But nothing happened and he looked a little nervous and Mila exhaled before moving to sit up a bit higher. "Hi," she greeted tentatively, pausing once to clear her sore throat so he could actually hear her. "Hi."
Aaron was so tuned in that he couldn’t miss the way the monitors beeped faster for a moment when Mila looked at him. He stiffened a bit, but she didn’t start freaking out, so he didn’t back away. There was already a lump in his throat, and it got thicker when she spoke. She looked like she knew him, and not like she was scared or didn’t believe he was there or whatever had happened the last time. “Hi,” he said softly, and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Aaron wanted to lunge across the room, cling to her, cry and cry and cling some more. “Can I uh ... can I come in?” he asked instead, looking awkward and too big for the doorway he was standing in. Aaron lifted the bag a little. “I brought you some stuff.”
Mila stared at him but then blinked at the bag in his hands. Nodding, Mila fumbled a bit for the bed control to elevate the back a bit so she wouldn't have to sit up on her own. Then she watched Aaron, focusing on breathing in and out and not setting off the machines for any reason. She wouldn't panic or get upset. He was real. Roxy promised. "You didn't... have to," Mila said hoarsely, gesturing to the bag. "But I'm glad you came. I don't... they told me you came yesterday and I don't... remember that. I'm sorry."
He shuffled carefully forward, like she might change her mind at any second. Aaron set the bag down on one of the chairs by the bed and got his coat off. Mila still looked so small and hurt in the hospital bed, thin and wan, he was dying just to scoop her up and hold her close. “It wasn’t any trouble,” he mumbled, pulling the other chair in close and sitting down. He hoped it was true that she didn’t remember her freak out, maybe that was for the best. Aaron pulled the bag into his lap and unzipped it to pull things out and set them on the edge of the bed where she could see. “Just ... some of your favorite pjs and your toothbrush and shampoo and stuff ...” Aaron took out the last thing in the bag, a stuffed narwhal that always had a prominent place on the bed before they climbed into it. He set it on Mila’s leg and had to swallow hard again. “It’s okay,” he added very softly, which was all he could manage at the moment.
It certainly sounded like it had been trouble. She wished she could remember. He looked so hesitant, sitting there. Mila licked her lips and watched the things he pulled out of the bag. It was so thoughtful of him and when she saw the narwhal Mila felt tears spring unexpectedly in her eyes. This had to be real if he had the narwhal. Her dad had given that to her years ago when Adrian went missing... like it was supposed to mend her broken heart or something. But she hadn't seen it in so long. Mila reached out for it, the faux fur soft under her fingertips. "Thank you," she whispered. Mila wiped at her cheek impatiently and managed to smile a little. "For all of it. Thank you. I'm..." She just wanted to keep apologizing, because it wasn't okay. None of it was. Mila wished Aaron was closer so she could just reach out and touch him too. "Are you okay? I mean... how are you feeling?"
She was crying again, but they seemed like good tears. Or at least not traumatic tears, just emotional ones, which were totally understandable. Aaron felt like he’d made the right decision to grab the narwhal though, like maybe it would bring her comfort while she was stuck in the hospital. He watched her fingers move over the fur and fought the urge to just put his head in her lap. “Yeah, uh ... I mean, not ... really,” he admitted, forcing his eyes up to her face again. They were pained and watery, and his chin wasn’t completely steady. Aaron cleared his throat. “I just ... missed you so much.” His voice wavered dangerously, and Aaron suddenly couldn’t hold back anymore. He didn’t want to hurt her though, so he just scooted in closer to her side and put his head down on the edge of the bed near her shoulder, his hand finding hers to very gently hold. Missing Mila was just part of it all, all the reasons he wasn’t okay, but Aaron knew what he’d suffered probably couldn’t hold a candle to what Mila had been through. Nobody acted like she had the day before without serious trauma. “I’m so glad you’re alive,” he whispered hoarsely.
Mila was clear headed enough to understand that missing her was only part of Aaron's problems. She had stabbed him. He could have died. Mila felt like she had been gone for years, but she knew now it had only been a couple of weeks. There was no way he was completely healed from that, physically or psychologically. When he moved closer she felt relief, but also a touch of anxiety and Mila inhaled sharply before forcing herself to relax. This wasn't the Aaron in the tunnel. This was Aaron. Her fingers curled around his hand and Mila could feel more emotion well up inside of her. "I'm glad you're alive too," she managed to say. "I'm so sorry. I don't know how you can even look... at me right now. I almost killed you."
Aaron was aware of what she’d done. Or what the monster wearing her body had made her do, at least. He was still having nightmares about it, when he wasn’t too wasted to dream. In them, Mila’s eyes were always extremely vivid. They’d been so dead, expressionless as she plunged the knife into his body. He remembered that even more than the pain. It hadn’t been Mila behind them, Aaron knew that. Not like now, she was back, he could see it. Whether she was back alone or not, he didn’t know, but he would take it. Aaron lifted his head to look at her again, sniffing a bit and wiping his cheeks with one hand. She was burned and chapped and bruised, but still beautiful to him. “I love you so much,” he said raggedly. “I know you didn’t mean to, it wasn’t you.”
No, she hadn't meant to do it, but she had done it. Mila wasn't sure if he would ever be able to be with her again without thinking about it, or being afraid she would do it again. It had to have messed with his mind. And maybe he was happy she was back now, but what about later? Could things ever go back to the way they were before all this? Their relationship had been so new before she found out she was pregnant. Unable to help herself Mila reached over to brush away some of the wetness still lingering under his eye. "Are you... healing okay? Are you in pain?"
They were all questions that had crossed Aaron’s mind too, in a jumbled sort of way, when he’d been sober enough to think. Which, granted, hadn’t been often, but still. He hadn’t been sure how he would feel if Mila came home, if he would be afraid of her or have a bad reaction or something. She’d been the one doing that, as it turned out. Right then, at her bedside with her looking so hurt, all Aaron was feeling was intense gratitude that she was alive and talking to him now. His eyes shut briefly when she touched his face, and he shook his head. “I mean ... sometimes, but it’s not bad. I’m healing okay,” he said. He hurt a lot more than that, and Adrian had made him bleed again, but Aaron wasn’t going to lay that on Mila now. “What about you? What, uh ... what all happened to you?” His eyes ticked down over her small form under the thin blankets, then back up to her face.
Mila couldn't imagine what kind of physical pain Aaron was in, or had been in. Well, maybe she could. But he had watched her do that to him and it fucked with her mind, so she knew it had to hurt him worse. Mila wasn't entirely sure Aaron would be honest with her about his injuries anyway. His question was a difficult one, because he deserved an answer but at the same time, she didn't want to tell him anything. She didn't want to think about it. Mila licked her bottom lip and tried not to curl up away from him. The psychiatrists had come in and tried to get her to talk too but she kept saying she didn't remember. It was easier that way. Where would she even begin? Her expression was a pained one as her hand fell away from his face to her lap again where she held the narwhal. "You don't... you don't really want to know any of that, Aaron," she murmured. "It won't help anything."
Aaron had meant her physical injuries, but he supposed those couldn’t be separated from how they’d happened, and his heart squeezed painfully at her non-answer. Part of him wanted to insist that he did want to know, he wanted every detail so Mila didn’t have to carry it all alone, but he didn’t honestly know if he could handle it. He felt pretty close to melting down, and he wasn’t sure he could help her carry it, seeing as how it was his fault she’d ended up there in the first place. It was just another way he was failing her, and God was it agonizing. Aaron wanted a beer and an oxy really bad already. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbled, his eyes filling with fresh tears. Fuck, he hadn’t wanted to be a mess, he’d wanted to be strong for her, but here he was about to bawl again. Aaron’s throat closed up so he couldn’t elaborate on what he was sorry for, so he just shook his head and scrubbed his free hand down over his face.
Mila's confusion was evident, but also a bit pained as she watched the emotion rise in Aaron's face again. "Why... why are you sorry? Please don't apologize... you didn't do any of this," she said. Aaron hadn't done anything. None of this was on him, at least not in her mind. Mila reached for him again, grasping for a moment for his hand. "I don't want anyone saying they're sorry to me. This was my fault and I just..." Maybe one day she would talk about it, but she didn't want to today. A part of her feared if she said it all out loud it would change things somehow. It would magically throw her back into the tunnel. She exhaled and squeezed Aaron's hand as hard as she could without hurting herself. "Please don't cry," Mila whispered.
He took her hand but shook his head when she said it was her fault -- how could she think that? Aaron held onto her hand and bowed his head again so she didn’t have to look at his crumpling face, forehead resting against their thumbs. His breath hitched a couple of times as he tried to pull in a lungful and get his voice back. “S’my fault,” he forced out, hating how whiny it sounded. He should be the one comforting her, not the other way around, but he couldn’t even do this right. “I got you p-pregnant and I d-didn’t get you help f-fast enough. You wouldn’a b-been there if I just wore a f-fuckin’ condom.” It was a guilt that had been reinforced by his brothers, and it had dug in deep. “And then I d-didn’t know what to do for you,” Aaron added in a rush before he held his breath against a sob. It hurt his chest something awful, but he felt like he deserved that, and more.
Mila frowned, realizing now that she had nearly forgotten she had been pregnant at one point. How bizarre was that? Like her brain just hid it in darkness for so long. Memories came flooding back and her chest felt tight, and then cold inside as she remembered things she wished she didn't. Feeling calmer now than she had moments before, Mila let go of the narwhal and reached over with her free hand to run it over Aaron's hair comfortingly. "That's not... no, Aaron. We did that together. It's not your fault, I promise. We couldn't help what happened. And I don't even think anyone could've helped me once I was... you know. Please." What was the point of looking back now? What would that do? 'What if' never helped anyone. It just made everything worse. Mila just wanted to heal and get on with her life, and she wanted the same for Aaron. "None of this was your fault," she murmured. “I was weak and… I just let it happen.”
Aaron knew that was what Mila would say -- or at least he’d hoped that was what she would say -- but it still comforted him a bit. Feeling her hand on his head was even better. He’d always loved it, and he’d been mostly convinced that he would never feel it again. The sense of relief was seeping deeper in, and it just made him want to cry even harder. Aaron flexed his will as hard as he could to pull his shit together, wiping his face on his sleeve before he looked up at Mila again and sat up straighter. “No,” he said thickly, shaking his head. “If it’s not my fault, it’s even less your fault, okay? You weren’t weak, it was just too strong. The witches ... d’you remember? They said it was too powerful for them to fix, so ... what could you do?” His jaw flexed as his chin wobbled again, but Aaron held it together, still clinging lightly to Mila’s hand. “It’s not your fault.”
The witches. Mila tried to remember. She had a very vague memory of two strangers in her home. Strangers who weren't completely unfamiliar but Mila couldn't recall their names, or if she really knew them. God, she was tired. Resting her head back against the pillow, Mila studied Aaron, wishing she could take his pain away. All of it, the physical and emotional. He didn't deserve any of this. She was just some stupid girl in love with the boy next door for most of her life, and when she finally got him she fucked it all up. She got pregnant, and then couldn't even keep the baby... although in her bones she knew that wasn't her fault. But there was something about her that wasn't good enough for Aaron. Mila felt like she had dragged him into all of this when he probably would have been happier working at the bar and dating around like he was used to. For a while, she didn't know what to say. Her throat already hurt again from all the talking. "I don't think it's in me anymore," she finally said, her voice lower now than before. "I don't feel it. When I was... in there, I always felt it. But now I don't."
Aaron had to fight himself not to fill the silence with more insisting that none of this was Mila’s fault, that he should’ve helped her more and done the right thing somehow, but he knew she didn’t want to hear that. So he just looked back at her and bent his head a couple of times to kiss her fingers. Carefully, of course. As much as he wanted to squeeze and cling to her, she was still really hurt, and Aaron couldn’t bear making that worse by accident. “That’s good,” he said when she spoke again, then cleared his rusty throat. “That’s really good, Mila. I dunno ... I dunno how Adrian got you out, but I’m so fucking thankful he did.” Maybe there was hope now that they could move on with their lives. It wouldn’t be easy or fast, but with Mila safe now she could start to heal, and maybe they could start to put the pieces back together.
Mila paled, blinking once as she stared at Aaron. Adrian? That had been a dream, all of it. She had been delirious, hadn't she? He hadn't really been there. "Adrian?" she asked, her voice cracking. "I don't... Adrian's dead, Aaron. How do you...? Did you see him?" She wasn't going to freak out, or panic or lose her head here. If she did the machines would go nuts and the doctors would be back and sedate her and she wouldn't be able to talk to Aaron at all. But she could feel her throat closing up a bit and she clung to his hand until her healing blisters and cuts hurt all over again. "Did you see him?" she asked again, desperate for an answer now.
His eyes widened and Aaron realized belatedly what he’d said. Their first conversation -- if you could call it that -- had been so chaotic and traumatizing, Aaron had mostly forgotten that Mila hadn’t believed Adrian was real. He tossed a quick glance toward the door and leaned in closer, lowering his voice. “Yeah, I saw him,” he told her. “Twice. First he came to Caden’s to ... ask me about you. Where you’d gone. He was worried. So I told him everything I knew, and he left again ... then yesterday morning he showed up again and told me he’d gotten you out and you were at the hospital. So I came straight here. He said he couldn’t really be here, but he would be around and you’d see him again.” Aaron licked his lips and glanced at the door again. Mila’s parents showing up would already be bad, more so if he was talking about their supposedly dead son. “He’s not dead, but ... I think something really bad happened to him and he’s been ... hiding.”
Was that true? Mila didn't think Aaron had any reason to lie. But Adrian was alive? It really had been him who had brought her here. She remembered small flashes of it. Adrian carrying her out of the snow, being inside his car. He had promised he would stay, but when she woke up here he had been gone. That's why she was sure she had dreamed all of it. But she had no idea how to process it. Adrian had been gone for so long. They had a funeral for him, watched a man go to jail for his murder. Mila clenched her eyes shut tight before a sob erupted from her lips. She didn't want to upset Aaron or anything, but she had trouble controlling her emotions. They felt all over the place since she ended up here and she was helpless to them. "I thought I was hallucinating," she managed, bringing her free hand up to wipe her face. "He told me he was real, but I didn't really believe him. How is he alive? What happened to him?"
Aaron hated that it was upsetting her, though he had known that was kind of inevitable. If he’d thought one of his brothers was dead for years and then he’d suddenly appeared again during the most fucked up time of his life, he would be upset and skeptical too. He sat up straighter and swayed in closer when she sobbed, his arms flexing with an aborted hug. God, he just wanted to hold her so bad. Still holding Mila’s hand, he reached toward the bedside table and pulled a couple of tissues free to offer to her. “I don’t know,” Aaron answered with regret. “He didn’t exactly stick around to talk, he didn’t tell me anything about him. Just to tell you he was sorry he didn’t stay, and he would be nearby.” Adrian had also said he was dead, but Aaron wasn’t going to confuse Mila further with that. “But he saved you, he brought you here. ... I’m sorry baby, I know it’s a lot,” he added in a murmur.
It was a lot. It was so much and some part of Mila didn't want to deal with any of it. She wanted to curl up and go to sleep and never wake up again. She took the tissues from Aaron to wipe at her eyes, not that it would do much good. She was pretty sure they had been tired looking and swollen since she got here. She certainly wasn't going to be winning any beauty pageants anytime soon. It was so hard to wrap her mind around all of this. How could Adrian be alive? And nearby? Point Pleasant was such a small town, how could he be anywhere without being seen? Did her parents know? No, they couldn't. There was no way they knew, just based on their behavior when they came to visit Mila. And maybe if Aaron was right, Adrian would come see her again. It would be too cruel to know he was alive and have him disappear on her... again. Once she felt like she had most of her crying under control, Mila blinked and looked up at Aaron. "Did he seem okay?" she murmured. "I know... you said something bad must have happened to him... but was he hurt or anything?"
Aaron felt helpless as he sat there and watched her cry. She was back alive, this should be a happy time, but everything felt so raw and uneasy. Aaron just hoped that would fade and they could start to get better. He made a pained face at her questions, squinting a bit as he tried to think back. Adrian had attacked him in the dark when he was intoxicated, most of what he could recall from that time was pain and confusion. The second time had been dark and he’d been focused on the news that Mila was found. All in all, she’d probably spent more time with him, even if she didn’t remember. “I don’t ... he didn’t look injured,” Aaron said, his tone apologetic. He’d been strong as hell and was walking and talking fine, at least. “Just skinny and I dunno, paranoid. He’s got a scar on his face. Both times happened so fast, I’m sorry.” Adrian had smelled pretty awful too, like he hadn’t showered in a while, but Aaron left that off.
Mila licked her lips of the salty tears that had fallen on them. "It's okay. I just wanted to... make sure he didn't need help, or anything." Where had he been for five years? She wanted him to come see her now, so she could ask all of those questions herself, but would Adrian come here, where he used to work? Where their parents could walk in at any moment? Mila wiped her nose and sighed, feeling the exhaustion deep in her bones now. She offered Aaron a faint, watery smile. "I'm so sorry you had to... deal with all of this. Seeing Adrian again must have been a shock. Probably not a pleasant one. And then with... me." Mila inhaled sharply to try and calm herself. "I put you through so much." She knew he didn't blame her, or that's what he said, but it was the truth, as hard as it was to say, and to hear out loud. "I never meant for any of this to happen."
Seeing Adrian had been more than an unpleasant shock, but Aaron wasn’t going to tell her that her undead brother body tackled him in his bedroom and held a knife to his throat. Mila didn’t need any more reasons to be upset. He did that helpless rock in his chair again, chewing on his bottom lip. “I know, I know you didn’t,” Aaron murmured gently to her. “You didn’t do it, Mila. I just ... I love you so much, and I was so scared you wouldn’t ever come back, and of ... what was happening to you.” He swallowed around the renewed lump in his throat again and sniffed, but held it together. “But you’re here now, that matters most. And I’m here, for like, anything you need, okay? Even if that’s y’know, leave you alone for a while, just tell me, I just wanna help.” He dipped his head to kiss her hand again, careful to find a spot that wasn’t red and blistered.
She wished people would stop saying she hadn't done what she’d done. Because she had done it. Even if that thing had been inside of her, Mila had still gone to the tunnel, even before she started losing time and blacking out. She had been weak and hadn't been able to resist the lure of it. All because she had been pregnant for a few weeks and couldn't let it go. Mila wished she knew what to ask for, wished she knew what she needed. But she didn't, and she wasn't sure she could handle asking Aaron for anything. She didn't deserve him at all. A wave of sadness overcame her when he kissed her hand. Even if he had forgiven her, his family probably never would. Gavin and Caden anyway. Maybe his parents, if they even cared, or knew. Mila still had no idea what awaited her legally. She was pretty sure attempted murder was still a crime. "I'm not going back home," she whispered finally. "I can't... go back there. Ever. Or Seaview. I don't want to go anywhere near those woods again. I know you're staying with Roxy and Caden now, but... I'm sorry. I can't go home."
Aaron didn’t miss that she didn’t say she loved him back, and he tried not to let that hurt. But it still did. What he wasn’t going to do was guilt her about it, or the decision not to go back to her house. He couldn’t blame her. He didn’t want to live there either, not with that big stain on the floor. Going inside today had made him tense, but he’d done it for Mila, and he would do it again to help her move out. “It’s okay,” he murmured to her. “I wouldn’t want to either. Whenever you get outta here though, I can help get your stuff together ... are you gonna ... move in with your parents?” The question came out hesitant, but Aaron didn’t know what another option would be. He could rent an apartment for them, but he had the feeling in his gut that Mila wouldn’t want to do that. He just hoped that Mrs. Moretti relaxed now that Mila could tell her Aaron hadn’t hurt her. “I mean, not that you have to decide right now,” he hurried to add. “We can worry about all that stuff later.”
It made her feel good, and also oddly guilty, that Aaron seemed so intent on helping her. Mila wondered if the guilt over what she had done would ever go away, or she would ever be able to forgive herself. They were both going to be psychologically damaged by what happened. Would they be able to help each other heal properly? Or would being together make it all worse? Mila wished she had the answer. All she wanted to do now was cling to him and cry for a bit. Even during the worst of it, when she had been in so much pain her throat had gone raw from the screaming... she had thought about him. Missed him. All Mila had wanted was to wake up at home in bed with Aaron curled around her, keeping her safe and warm. "They want me to move in for a while," she explained. "I have some outpatient procedures to do and I can't drive for a while, so I need some help. And I can't go home and I can't..." She couldn't get a new place. She had no job, after all. Mila exhaled softly and brought his hand up to her cheek gently. "That doesn't mean I don't want... to see you. They don't know the whole truth, but they know you didn't touch me. That you tried to help me."
Outpatient procedures? Aaron bit his tongue on immediately asking what those were and rushing to volunteer to be the one to help her. He wanted to suggest that they get an apartment together so he could take care of her full-time, but even Aaron knew that was unrealistic. He still couldn’t work with the wound in his chest, so he had time, but not a lot of money. His brain artfully dodged around the other glaring problems. He would just do what he could for Mila and try to straighten himself up for her. To be good for her again, if he’d ever been that. Aaron brushed his thumb lightly against her face, nodding with some relief. He’d worried about her mom trying to press charges on him or something, so that was good. “I wanna see you too,” Aaron murmured, even though that was probably obvious. “As much as you want me to. And I know you gotta rest and everything’s gonna ... take time. But I’m gonna be here for you and help.” Better than he’d been able to help her before she went missing, he hoped. That was the goal. He loved her and he’d thought she was dead, so this felt like a second chance.
If Mila had the courage to return home, she would... just to be with Aaron. But the thought of going into Seaview at all made her prickle with anxiety. And she had no other options but to move in with her parents for a while, at least until she could work again and sell her trailer. It just felt like so much work and she couldn't do any of it right now. Mila appreciated Aaron's willingness to help, even if it made her feel guilty. She had nearly killed him and he wanted to help her. "You need to get better," she murmured. "I want to see you too, but you need to rest and heal and... I just missed you." If her body wasn't so sore she probably would have gripped him to her. "I feel like... I'm going to be a mess for a long time. I don't want that to drag you down, Aaron, and I don't want you to feel obligated to... help me. Or stay with me."
Aaron was already shaking his head before Mila finished. A spike of fear lanced through him at the last part. He’d already worried endlessly the day before that she wouldn’t want to stay together -- before he’d knocked himself out, that was. The thought of losing her now, after everything they’d been through, made him feel like his chest was going to cave in. All Aaron had wanted for the past couple of weeks was Mila back, and he couldn’t lose her again. “No, don’t say that,” he urged, his hand tightening briefly on her hand before he caught himself. “It’s not obligation, I love you. We can rest and heal together and you won’t drag me down.” If anything, Aaron needed to hold onto her to keep himself afloat. He was feeling dangerously close to a line he knew he didn’t want to cross over. Helping to take care of Mila was something to keep him focused on, sober for. “Just don’t-- don’t decide anything yet, okay? Just ... a day at a time.”
Everything still felt so incredibly close and Mila still wasn't completely convinced that any of this was really happening. She was tired and scared and still full of guilt over what she had done to Aaron. Their relationship had been so new when she got pregnant and then it had all gone downhill from there. It amazed her that Aaron still wanted to be with her, after all of that. After stabbing him. Twice. Her throat felt closed up and dry again, like she was going to burst into tears at any moment before Mila swallowed hard and tried to keep her emotions in check, as difficult as that was. "I love you too," she whispered. "I just don't want to hurt you again... in any way. But if you can do one day at a time, so can I." It might prove to be too hard for him, or her, or even both of them, but she missed him too much to send him away now. Mila knew she needed him, she was just terrified of what tomorrow could bring.
Aaron didn’t have any idea how any of it would go, he just knew deep down he had to try, and he was so grateful that Mila wanted to try too. Hearing the ‘I love you’ made him feel like he was going to cry again, and Aaron sucked his bottom lip into his mouth as he nodded. He could do one day at a time. Aaron wasn’t being completely naive, he knew that he wasn’t in a good place either. She was right that he needed to heal. He just needed Mila too. He started to say something, stopped, and cleared his throat and stood up. “I won’t-- ... I just ...” he murmured as he leaned over her. Aaron hugged her as best he could without putting any weight on her. It was more like a close hover, his forehead coming down on the pillow next to her head. He just had to be close to her again for a minute. “I’m so happy you’re back,” he whispered.
Mila began to tense when Aaron moved in closer but she forced herself to breathe and relax. Healing together would be difficult if she couldn't trust him. She had to try and believe that this was all real and not some twisted trick. He wasn't going to hurt her. Mila brought her hand up to curl it around the nape of his neck. His body felt warm to the touch, not cold and Mila found some tension easing out of her. "Me too," Mila said, though she was sure that much was a given. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again." The real Aaron, anyway but saying that might be confusing so she let it be. "Will you stay for a bit? If you're feeling okay." It probably wasn't the best thing that he was up and moving around, driving and everything. But Mila was selfishly glad he was there, and even if she was getting sleepy again, she didn't want him to go just yet.
Aaron wished more than anything that he could climb up onto the bed with her and cuddle up, hold her close and tight for a while. Her hand on the back of his neck made him feel calmed and emotional at the same time. He felt like he would never take another tiny gesture for granted, because he didn’t think he would ever feel her touch him again. He nodded very slightly, then pulled his head up enough to look at her. Her eyes were so beautiful, even tired and puffy. They were hers again. “I’ll stay as long as you want,” he murmured. Aaron kissed her then, very softly. Mila’s lips were chapped but they still felt heavenly to him. He kept it chaste and short, then straightened up more and gave her a little smile. “You gonna rest for a bit?”
Mila had the shallow, girly thought that he must love her if he was willing to kiss her gross lips. They felt ten times better than they had when she walked out of that tunnel, but they were still chapped and sore. Mila released him so he could straighten and she nodded with a small, tired smile. "I'm getting sleepy again. I don't know if it's the drugs or just... not having slept for so long. It's okay if you don't want to stay. It'll probably get boring." She just liked having him there, and maybe if he just stayed until she fell asleep, she would be okay. There was a television in the room and everything. But it was also Christmas Eve and she knew he might have family to go see.
He shook his head with a soft smile. Looking at Mila didn’t seem like it would ever bore him again, whether she was awake or not. Aaron just wanted to be with her, to let it sink deep into his brain that she was really here, really home, really alive. “I won’t be bored,” he assured her. “Sleep all you want.” He might get up and wander around eventually, go get something to eat, check in with his brothers. But Aaron wasn’t going to go far, or for very long. He leaned in one more time to gently kiss Mila’s forehead, then backed off and sat down again. Aaron hooked an ankle around the other chair to drag it closer, then put his feet up in it, intending to stay close to Mila’s bedside. He settled in and pulled his phone out to keep himself from just staring at her. Nobody could go to sleep like that.
If there had been room on the bed, and her body felt less achy, Mila probably would have scooted over and asked him to lay with her there. But having him close by was enough and she settled back against the pillow. Maybe he didn't want to bother her by staring at her, but Mila didn't think he'd mind if she stared at him. At least for a few minutes as her body relaxed and her eyelids got droopy. He was really there, and he was alive. It was too difficult to think ahead now, and like Aaron said, they could do this one day at a time. She just hoped the bad stuff was over now because Mila didn't know how much more of it she could take. Mila watched him as he messed with his phone until it became near impossible for her to keep her eyes open. She finally gave in and let them shut, feeling more relaxed now than she had since waking up in the hospital. It probably had to do with Aaron's presence, and she hoped he would still be there when she woke up.