Finn Haynes (finnigan_h) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2019-04-30 07:43:00 |
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Entry tags: | #december 2017, alex, alex x fin |
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Who: Alex and Fin
What: Talking
Where: The Pier
When: Friday
Warnings: Some language
Status: Complete
Fin stood at on the pier leaning against the railing. He didn’t care that it was cold, that the wind blowing off the ocean was icy and the flurries whipped around him making it all look like a snow globe. He didn’t really care about a whole lot at the moment and why would he? The past 36 hours, well they weren’t easy. The nightmares and lack of sleep that it caused he could kind of deal with, having one of his best friends sleeping beside him helped as Brad would wake him just when things were getting bad (he was lucky that his friend even came back at all after what had happened in the early evening). Even the bruising and soreness that lingered from the jaw and body shots wasn’t really all that bad when he came to think of it. It was the guilt that was eating at him. The words that he had said, they had hurt one another and Fin wasn’t sure how they were going to get past this.
Down below the waves crashed, a comforting rhythm that despite everything relaxed him. He knew what lurked in those waters, what was wanting to get him next time that he set foot in the ocean, that was what was haunting his nights and making his days uneasy. How long would it last? Could he and Neilan get over this? Tomorrow they would talk but for now, now he had some serious thinking to do and out here he felt like he could do it.
It was Friday and Alex wasn’t feeling too bad. At least not compared to the day before when he had been wound up and let loose on anybody who came too close. Unluckily, that had mostly been customers at Joyland and they hadn’t been shy about giving it back either. Maybe it was lucky though, he already had so few friends in Point Pleasant that risking a fight with them was a bad idea. He'd gone home straight after work but the sight of the same four walls and his desk full of papers with unanswered questions only made things worse.The ones that brought him to Point Pleasant were impossible to answer. Nobody talked, nobody knew, he just looked crazy. And what if he was? It ran in the family after all.
The thoughts had swirled around in his mind until he'd reacted violently and took his frustrations out on the intimate objects of his apartment. The aftermath was a mess but he’d finally felt better. At least until he woke up the next day and realised he still needed to clean up. Instead, he took a walk. He didn't have a direction in mind but soon found himself heading towards the harbour. On the way, he decided he needed to come up with a new plan about how to tackle his problems. He didn't know the details yet but something had to change. He came for a reason, he couldn't leave until he had answers.
He'd reached the pier and was about to head back when he spotted the back of somebody familiar. It took him a moment to recognise him out of the context of the bookshop but as soon as he did, he headed over. “Hey Fin!” He stopped when he caught sight of the man's face. He frowned and glanced around before closing the gap between them. He leaned on the fence and studied Fin's face. “Sheesh, how bad does the other guy look?”
Fin wasn’t sure how long he had stood out there alone, just him and his thoughts, he was rugged up enough that his fingers and toes were warm, though his nose was feeling a bit chilled. He heard the footsteps against the wooden boards of the pier which alerted him that he was no longer alone out here in the swirling snow. For someone else to be out here in this weather they must be in a similar mood to that which Fin had found himself in, or some kind of sadist who enjoyed the cold and biting wind.
His head raised to look at the person calling his name, drawing his attention away from the wild sea below. It was Alex, the nice barista from Joylands. He saw the frown and knew the younger man was looking at his face, that bruise along his jawline was obvious and he knew he could have covered it up with makeup, or even hide it under a scarf but why bother? There was more than one battered and bruised person in town after the craziness of Thursday and it was kind of refreshing that whatever had happened to him wasn’t just because of Neilan. “Black eye and probably a bit tender around here.” Fin said, his arm indicating the stomach and sides. “He threw the first punch.” Leaving out the fact that he kind of provoked the other man into punching him. “You seemed to escape the craziness.” Well physically at least.
“Fuck,” Alex mumbled with a shake of his head. He didn't even try to pretend he wasn't staring at Fin's injuries and slowly looked him over as he took them in. Fin had always struck him as a calm man, the very opposite of a fighter but everybody had gone a little crazy, hadn't they? Freezing weather was always miserable but this had been more than just winter blues.
Damn this town, Alex thought without any real venom and wondered again why he stayed. He hadn't come away unscathed from the day but, unlike last time the weather came with a chance of crazy, he was grateful he'd only taken it out on his own things safely in his apartment. He'd never been in a fight but he had a feeling he'd probably lose. “I'm fine, probably lost some customers at Joyland but… Well, old Mrs Moore really was being a dumb bitch.” He gave Fin a guilty smile and shrugged. “It seems better today. So who was it, somebody get too drunk at the bar?”
During his brief time at work Fin had gotten more than a few odd looks from others in regards to the rather impressive bruise, the locals and regulars knew better than to question it, he did have a reputation for sudden and violent outbursts in the past, to them this wasn’t really that much different. Fin Haynes had just gotten himself into another disagreement, nothing new or exciting there.
There was a slight smirk on Fin’s lips as Alex told him about some possible lost customers at the coffee shop and old Mrs Moore. “That old bitch is still living in the 50’s. I’m amazed you didn’t snap sooner.” No love lost between him and the old woman who still tried to tell him that there was time to repent his wicked ways, just because he preferred male partners to female. He then shook his head at the question about where it happened. “I didn’t go to work yesterday, this…” A hand rose to indicate his jaw “Is what happens when your boyfriend thinks you’re cheating on him with your best friend… and you call him a cunt.” However wrong it was, there was a part of Fin who was kind of proud of that.
“Ah, so you're familiar with the local brand of crazy? Apparently my generation is ruining America and letting in too many… Well, I'm sure you can imagine she didn't call them anything polite.” Alex rolled his eyes. He was still mad at how the old lady who always had something to say when she came by and maybe he shouldn't have let loose on her - okay, definitely shouldn't have - but it had been things he'd wanted to say for a while. If they fired him when she inevitably put in a complaint, it'd still be worth it. Probably.
He was about to say more when Fin went into further detail about what happened. There was a lot to unpack and he stared at Fin while he tried to find where to start. “Your boyfriend did that?” he asked, incredulously. That seemed to be the most important bit. It'd be so easy to dismiss it as a part of the weird weather but just in case… He exhaled and looked out across the water instead. “Wow, uh. Do you two… Does he do that a lot?”
“Yeah, I’m more than familiar with the local brand of crazy. Most people are lovely but there’s always those few who are stuck with the small town mentality, anyone who’s different is treated almost like a leper. But after so many years here I just let it roll off me, don’t let the assholes get to you.” Though that was always easier said than done, it had taken him years (and many negative experiences) to thicken his skin. He was glad that he hadn’t worked the day before, who knows what he would’ve done if a customer had snapped at him with the minimal sleep he had had the night before.
Fin nodded, glancing over at Alex before leaning back against the rail of the pier. “Yeah he did. If my friend hadn’t pulled us apart I hate to think what we would’ve done to one another.” Even after that things hadn’t gone that well, the words that he had said to Neilan were just plain nasty, and they still sat in his stomach like a stone. He still believed that the crazy weather had something to do with it but like Neilan would have believed that as an excuse. “I think it was a one off… well I hope it was. He’s had some crap to deal with lately and maybe it was that but I don’t know… who can say that they honestly know what someone else is really thinking?”
Alex wasn't good at having deep conversations and the last thing he wanted was to sound like an after-school special to an older man with more life experience but he'd kick himself if he didn't try to look out for his friend. “I'm not the best person to give relationship advice and maybe it is just a one-off but…” He shrugged and kept his eyes on the water for a moment. He'd never been in a proper relationship before, never anything close enough to bring somebody's boyfriend but he still knew the basic rules. He forced himself to look at Fin and forced a small smile. “I can give you my number if you ever need to get away. I'm at Castle View Crossing, if you've ever heard of it. It's only one bedroom but the couch is good…”
Deep and meaningful conversations weren’t a big thing for Fin either, but it was good to get this out to someone who wasn’t extremely close to him. Mads and Brad had heard it all, maybe getting another opinion wasn’t a bad thing. “I don’t think anyone is ever good at giving relationship advice.” He smiled a bit, the thought was there and Alex had said it with more heart than some others have, he had only ever being nice to Fin and he appreciated it. A soft chuckle erupted from Fin’s throat at Alex’s offer. “Thanks for the offer but I think I’ll pass for now. I used to live at Castle View up until a few weeks ago and that’s where my boyfriend lives, I think I’ll avoid it for now. I’ve got a lovely cottage over on Oak now and a kitten and tortoise to take care of. But I appreciate it.” Which he did, the younger man’s heart was definitely in the right place.
Alex hadn't seen Fin around the apartment block before but that wasn't shocking. He came home and he went inside, he didn't stay out socialising with the neighbours. Except Neil but that wasn't the same thing. He had no idea who Fin's boyfriend was either so couldn't offer anything there either, though he wasn't sure what that might have been if he did know Neilan by name or face.
“Well… the offer stands. Especially if you're there and this happens again. It's not like you'd be interrupting anything.” As soon as he said it, he inwardly cringed at how pathetic that sounded. He hadn't been Mr Popular back in Portland and nobody ever came to his house but he'd at least had more friends. Here, he really only had Mike to count as a proper friend and he was avoiding him a little after he found out his mother had worked at AIR many years ago. “Or even if, you know, whatever. I work and I research, it's kind of it. I need a better hobby.” He gave a soft chuckle and shook his head. ”I mean besides bothering bartenders in bookstores.”
Fin wasn’t exactly Mr Popular either, while it was true that he got along with most of his customers there were only a select few people that he actually called friends. He was so glad that he had his two best friends back in town, right now he needed them both and if these nightmares continued he’d need them even more. “Well that makes two of us.” Fin gave a small smile, despite what Neilan might have thought about his relationship with Brad they were just friends, nothing more than that. “You do need a hobby. Or maybe a pet... I hear fish are low maintenance.” Having Ferdinand and Obi really did help Fin keep a handle on real life and his mental struggles. “And I wouldn’t say you’re that much of a bother.”
“Gee, thanks. You're alright too.” Alex grinned at Fin before he considered his suggestions more carefully. “I haven't had a pet before.” He had plenty of time to have one and it'd be good for him to have that companionship but he couldn't help hearing his mother's voice in his ear telling him why he shouldn't. She hadn't liked animals inside and since they lived in an apartment on the third floor, that had been their only option. There had been a stray in their apartment block that he'd fed when he was 11 but she'd eventually found out and he assumed she'd called animal control because it had disappeared soon after. “My mom had some OCD symptoms with everything else she had going on so she didn't like animals much.” He shrugged. ”What about you, do you have any?”
Fin had always grown up around pets, his grandparents always had a cat or two and seeing as he spent most of his time at their place rather than his own they were (in a way) his de facto cats. But he understood that not everyone out there liked animals or would consider themselves to be ‘pet people’, though he had more faith in animals than he did his fellow humans. “I’ve got a kitten - Obi and a tortoise - Ferdinand. I’ve had Ferdinand for about… eight year now, Obi’s only a few months old, I found him dumped behind the store.” Thinking about his two pets made him smile, they really were one of the reasons he was still going, they gave him purpose. “But I’m sure a houseplant or a goldfish would be a good place to start. They’re great to talk to and the best thing of all is that they don’t judge you.”
“I didn’t know tortoises lived that long.” Alex had always wanted a pet and he’d always pictured it to be a cat. Fish and other animals that lived in aquariums seemed rather useless. They weren’t a pet, they were a decoration with more work but he decided better than to tell Fin that. “I’m not sure… To be totally honest, I’m not sure how long I’m going to be here. I don’t mean I’m planning to pack up and go back to Portland but there’s not a whole lot going on here?” He shrugged and looked out across the water again. “I don’t know… It seems like it’s impossible to get the answers I came here for.”
“They live a lot longer, Ferdinand is still only a baby cause they reckon he could live to forty. I’ll be an old man by then.” Fin chuckled, he remembered when Danny had brought him this tiny little hatching the size of a golf ball all those years ago, it was love at first sight. It was the same for Obi, animals were much easier to love than humans, they weren’t as demanding and much easier to please. He looked over at Alex when the other man said about not being sure about how long he’d be staying in town for, Fin could understand his frustrations, wanting answers but getting nothing.
“Unfortunately that’s normal for most small towns, they’ll take their secrets to the grave and keep everything close to their chests.” Especially when it came to things that happened in the town, he knew a bit about the history of the town and who some of the people were, but there was also a lot that he didn’t know anything about and honestly he didn’t want to know about. But the idea of Alex leaving kind of made Fin feel a bit sad. “Maybe it’s time to forget about why you came here originally and make it your own. If you continue to live in the shadow of something you’ll never get to enjoy the sun.”
“I mean, I could but…” Alex knew that Fin wasn't wrong but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to accept it. He'd moved there for a mission and giving up on finding the truth felt like giving up on his mom. Besides, was anything else keeping him in this weird town? He'd always been a city boy and Point Pleasant was suffocating and small, even without the weird stuff. Or maybe because of it, it was hard to say.
He shrugged and shoved his gloved hands into his pockets. “I think I just have to re-evaluate what I hope to get from it. I moved here with ideas of a big expose, arrests, justice… Something dramatic but measurable if you know what I mean and I'm starting to realise that's not going to be possible. Even just knowing she wasn't as crazy as they said would be nice. Some kind of proof that…” He shook his head and forced himself to give Fin a smile. ”Sorry, I don't mean to dump all over you. You've got your own stuff going on.”
Fin didn’t know Alex’s situation or why exactly the other man had moved to town, other than he wanted to get answers on his mother that had lived here. Unfortunately Fin didn’t know anything that could have helped Alex in his quest. He looked back out at the ocean, the sound of waves a quiet lull.
“Big exposes in this town are nothing but trouble, just ask the Point Pleasant Six.” Another reason so many people in town continued to keep their secrets close. Fin glanced back over at Alex as he talked about her, he could only think that the younger man was talking about his mother. “If there is one thing I have learned Alex, is that no one is truly crazy. There is always some reason behind mental illnesses, just some of them we still can’t explain as yet.” He knew that went for himself and his current situation, including the nightmares that were now plaguing him.
“I think the Point Pleasant Six was more to do with hysterical townsfolk than any actual witch secrets since, you know, they’re not real.” Alex laughed. It was only then that he realised he hadn’t told Fin anything about his mother besides that she’d died. He couldn’t even remember if he had told him how it had happened but he was more cautious since Thanksgiving and Fin hadn’t asked so he let it go. He would if Fin asked but he seemed to be keeping up easily enough and it felt good not to have to explain everything and get that look again.
Alex caught Fin’s eye as he listened to his friend’s theory on mental illness then looked away again, feeling a little exposed to be talking about things most people couldn’t understand unless they’d lived it. “You’re not wrong… And I understood her and why she was like she was but I’m still here, trying to find… I don’t know, really. It’s not like I’m going to be able to name names and get anybody arrested or anything like that.” He paused as he looked out over the water and let the sound of the waves fill the silence for a moment. Finally, he sighed and shook his head. “Maybe it’s genetic and I just don’t know it yet.”
Most people wanted to believe that the Point Pleasant Six and witches were just small town fairytales but Fin was amongst those who knew better, hell he had seeked the help of several of the town’s actual witches several times throughout the years. Fin was also not one to press or pry into someone’s private life and what was left unsaid, he hoped nobody would press or pry into those things that he wanted to keep secret either.
“But you just want to know why.” Fin guessed, sometimes just getting that one question answered provided more closure than bringing someone to justice. He had his ‘why’, why was he suffering these nightmares all of a sudden, though he also wished to know what was causing them. “I’m hoping you get some kind of answers Alex, even if it’s finding out if it is genetic or not. I really wish I could be more help but…” He shrugged, eyes back out towards the water.
“Yeah, pretty much. Thanks though...” Alex was glad that Fin got it. There was a bit of an age gap between them but Fin never made him feel like the dumb kid he often thought of himself as. He looked over at him and gave him a small but genuine smile. Something else seemed to be on Fin's mind and Alex followed his gaze across the water but he couldn't see anything unusual. He was probably just thinking about that fight again, he decided. He wished he could help but he didn't really know how besides moral support. He pulled out his phone, unlocked it and shoved it at Fin. “Put your number in anyway, even if you don't think you'll be around my block any time soon.”
Fin had his fair share of dumb kids coming into the store, especially those who everyone in town knew were only eighteen but tried to use a fake ID to get a drink, that just never worked in one’s hometown but they all had to try it. Fin took the phone and inputted his number, usually he didn’t like sharing his phone number with customers but he knew that Alex wasn’t the type of person who would just call him at random times for no reason or harass him about books so he didn’t mind sharing it, any problems and he could always block it but he doubted that would happen. “Sorry that I’m not very good company at the moment.” He apologised, he wasn’t that really good company most of the time but lately he was less sociable than usual. “Hopefully once Christmas is over and done with I might be feeling better.”
When he got his phone back, Alex immediately started to called Fin's number but hung up after the first ring. “There, now you've got mine too.” He felt better knowing Fin had his too, just in case he needed it. At the mention of Christmas, Alex groaned softly and shook his head. “Argh, fuck, I've kind of been ignoring everything about that. I'm thinking alcohol and Die Hard and my couch. You?”
He heard the beep from his phone in his back pocket telling him that he had a missed call, he knew it’d just be Alex’s number and he’d save it a bit later when he left the pier and got somewhere a bit warmer. As for Christmas, there was still over a week to go and anything could happen between now and then but part of him wanted to get away from everything, he knew that it would nearly be impossible because he couldn’t close the store for a few days, could he? “No idea yet, ask me again in a week. I’ll have to see what the weather’s doing.” Winter was unpredictable.
Most people Alex knew planned their Christmas Day long in advance, regardless of the weather. There would be debates as about which side of the family they were going to, how they could fit in both grandparents who always insisted on hosting, who would bring what and so on. At least, that was how it seemed from the outside. His family had always been small enough that there was never any question of what he'd be doing; his grandparent's house for lunch and then home to watch every Christmas movie they owned. Then when both of his grandparents had passed away, the lunch was moved to their own apartment but it was still special, despite the size. And this year, he was the last one left.
Alex kicked at the ground roughly, a couple of stones flying over the edge of the pier into the water. "Well, if you end up without a better offer, I'll have enough to share." A strong part of him hoped Fin realised he was serious enough to take him up on it but they barely knew each other and Fin had a whole life of family, friends and a shitty boyfriend that he doubted his own sad party sounded enticing. Maybe he should ask Terry next time he was at Joyland but that didn't sound as appealing now he knew where Mike's mom had worked. "Actually, that started as a joke but, I don't know, I wouldn't say no if it wasn't. If the weather allows."
Fin should have had something organized for Christmas, the past few years he would go to his mother’s place with Danny and Lucy for lunch and presents but this year Danny was gone, Lucy was living elsewhere and his relationship with his mother was still strained, so spending the day with her didn’t sound all that appealing. Brad had already said he had plans for the day and Mads would either be working or she’d head back to Bangor to visit her parents, so that ruled his two best friends out. The idea of just sitting on the couch with Obi and ignoring the whole day actually sounded like a really good choice right now.
“Thanks Alex, I’ll keep that in mind.” Although the offer did seem a bit strange, they weren’t exactly friends but Fin did know that Alex didn’t really have anyone else in this town. If he didn’t end up getting out of town maybe he would take the younger man up on his offer. “Sometimes I wish I had the money to just take off, escape the winter in the Bahamas or something but…” His voice drifted and he shrugged, dreams of getting away were nice but they’d remain just that - dreams. He couldn’t afford to go on a holiday while his employees worked to keep things going. “I suppose I should let you get going, no sane person should be out in this weather.”
Alex liked the cold enough that taking off for an entire season wasn't worth it but he could definitely understand the urge. Wasn't that what he'd done by coming here? He still kept in touch with a couple of friends from Portland but most of the people he'd known had just become posts on social media to scroll past. “Yeah, it’s a bit fresh isn’t it? I only came out for a quick walk. That was… I don’t know, an hour ago?” It was freezing and he was finally starting to feel it so he stepped back from the edge of the pier and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. “It’s been good talking to you though. I’ll see you around. Oh, and don’t put up with that kind of shit, okay? Nobody deserves that.”
Fin was used to the cold as well, he loved winter and loved the snow so he couldn’t imagine himself somewhere like the Bahamas, if anything he’d go up to Alaska or somewhere like that, find somewhere nice and secluded and spend weeks there alone enjoying the snow and the northern lights. “I’m sorry to keep you out but yes, it has been good talking to you too. It’s nice to get an impartial view from someone.” And it was, Alex didn’t care who Fin dated or anything, he was just a nice guy who was alone in this town. “And don’t worry, I’m over been someone’s punching bag. Look after yourself.”