Re: Sebastian and Jules
"I'm not!" Sebastian argued. "I don't want to romanticize about anyone right now anyways. I just want someone else on my brain." He didn't even want to say his name. If he could stop talking about him, he could stop thinking about him, and if he stopped thinking about him, then he wouldn't miss him. When he missed him. Sometime in the last twenty-four hours, that had started to morph into anger. He wasn't sure which was worse, being sad or being mad, but he preferred being high and happy and horny to all of those. "He was a good distraction. He's hot and I'm not gonna run into him at school. I wish I'd seen more of him though," he said with a little smile. "Stupid snow making us wear so many clothes."
Jules nodded. "I get it. I... well, that's what happened after we broke up and I ran into Jasper at that party after school was over. I wanted someone to want me, and distract me from like, missing you." She reached up to push her hair back behind her ears, wishing she had just put it in a ponytail earlier. "So like, it makes sense. And I know it still sucks. But maybe hooking up with Logan will sort of push the whole getting over Hunter thing."
Sebastian frowned, sadness creeping in at the reminder of how he'd hurt Jules, however unintentional that it had been, but then he smiled back at her. "You were wasted on me," he said, giving her a little nudge. "I didn't really expect you to hook up with Jasper, but he seems to have filled that hole pretty well." He grinned, laughing to himself as he took another hit off the joint. “I dunno. Maybe. I never expected to have a boyfriend, you know? And then I didn’t expect to meet anyone else, even for just a hookup. I keep trying to manage my expectations, but I’m just so wrong every time that I should probably stop guessing. Kind of an ‘anything can happen’ mentality. Even the best and the worst. Even things I haven’t thought of.”
Jules scrunched up her face for a moment, amused at his choice of words. She hadn't expected to hook up with Jasper either. And then again, and then again. She certainly hadn't expected to fall in love with him, but it had happened, and she was happy for it. "I think it's just easy to imagine yourself with that first love forever, you know? Like... no one else could ever make you feel that way again, and all the stars would align and you'd never have to even worry about meeting another person. Obviously that's all bullcrap, but still. It's a nice feeling while it's there." She reached out and plucked the joint from his fingers to slip it back between her lips. "You're too cute to be tied down, Bash. I know choices are slim here, but fuck it. We're seniors. Let's just have fun and do whatever the fuck we want. We don't have a lot of time left, you know? This time next year we'll all be scattered all over the place."
Being in love had been a nice feeling. Like he could handle anything, so long as he had that one person there beside him. And then suddenly they weren’t and Sebastian wasn’t even sure he wanted to feel that way again. It felt like such a farce, like nothing they’d said or done meant anything. Why pour that much into someone if they were just going to leave you eventually? And not only that, but with every secret you’d dared to share with them? Secrets and pictures. Oh god, that had been a bad idea. “I was having fun. I mean, I am. That was the point, doing whatever the fuck I wanted. Or who,” he said, stretching out on her bed. “Where’re you thinking about going next year?” That was something he hadn’t really figured out for himself. He’d had a plan, then the plan had gone to shit. Then his next one had too. It was such a big decision and he had no idea how to make it.