Today marked the first day in too long that Jared had not woken up from a nightmare. In fact he'd slept pretty well all things considered and going to the gym before work didn't feel like it would be as physically hard as it had been the Friday before. If anything he felt energized, anger the only thing that lingered behind after his terrible experience at the Rogan house. Ty wasn't back from his night shift and the only upside to that was that then Jared wasn't tempted to stay in bed. He texted him good morning before heading to the car, dumping his duffel in the backseat and quietly cursing the rain as he hurriedly got in.
The last time he'd come to the gym last Friday he'd felt like a zombie, barely making the round but today was different. He changed into his workout clothes and slammed the locker shut, plugged his ears with good music and headed out to start the morning with a run on the treadmill. Two miles in he spotted Carson across the room and once he got his attention he waved, slowing down a little when Carson headed in his direction.
After the full moon ordeal, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of Carson’s shoulders. Keeping him drugged and in a cage for ten hours or whatever shouldn’t have been an awesome relief, but it was. As long as Vex and Lem stayed agreeable to letting him use their basement and keeping a watch, it meant there was a plan in place, and that was always soothing to his anxiety. And if something changed? At least there were some resources to help him build another safe space somewhere. Honestly, Carson was just glad to have it over and done with for another month. He hadn’t quite wrapped his mind completely around the idea that this was his lot in life for forever now, but that would come.
For now, he was just happy to get back to work knowing that he hadn’t hurt anyone. Carson had come into the gym Monday morning feeling fresh and full of energy. He was pleased to spot Jared there after a while, and took the wave as invitational, heading over with a half-smile. “Morning,” he greeted once he was close enough and one of Jared’s ears was free. “Hittin’ the rubber early, I see.”
"It's good to get a few miles in before work," Jared replied, pausing the music and pocketing his earbuds. "You look good, healing well I see," he pointed out and it had more to do with Carson's more upbeat attitude than the wound he'd acquired since Jared couldn't really see how it was healing. He just seemed to be walking easier and looked a little less down. They could all do with that these days, a little less negative shit.
Carson was a little surprised to hear that he looked good -- he didn’t feel like he’d looked good in a long-ass time now, and that wasn’t vanity -- and he smiled about it. “Hey thanks man,” he said, then patted his full leg. “Doin’ all right with it, yeah. I’ve lost a little strength I gotta work on getting back, but in general it’s healing up well. How are you holding up?” Carson arched an eyebrow a bit at Jared -- it had been a month now since Sadie’s death, but Carson had to imagine there was still mourning going on.
Carson's prosthetic leg was the only reason he was alive and it was hard to think about what might have saved Sadie -if anything. An armed police officer living with her? Probably not. It had happened fast and it had been outside, he might not have made it out there in time if she had even made a sound. The unwanted vision of her pale face came back to his mind, bloody mouth and all. Jared shook it off as best he could. "I'm glad you're healing," he said. "It's good to see you up and about. I'm... holding up as well as, you know. Fixin' to catch and kill that animal that attacked you both. I actually wouldn't mind asking you a few questions if you're up for it."
He had a brief flash of guilt that he’d managed to survive and start healing but Sadie hadn’t, but that was completely blown away by the rest of what Jared said. Carson’s stomach gave a sick twist, and his eyes widened slightly before he caught himself. “What, you’re like, hunting it?” he asked. At least he had a good excuse to look worried without being suspicious -- even if he hadn’t been turned into one, he knew firsthand how dangerous those ‘animals’ could be. “You sure that’s a good idea?” It was probably a stupid question in the face of Jared’s grief, but Carson couldn’t help but ask. “But I mean, uh ... yeah. I dunno if I can tell you much, but ...” he trailed off and nodded.
Jared squinted and grimaced a little at the word hunting since he wasn't, not really, but searching... Searching was more like it. He hit the stop button on the treadmill for now and leaned in closer. "I know it happened fast and you didn't really see much," they'd established that already but there was always hope, right? "Do you think it's possible there was a person controlling it? Someone else there? If you think really hard..." That only worked on TV, that sudden revelation they did in flashbacks but damn it, he could hope.
Lines appeared in Carson’s brow again as he thought about that. Or pretended to think about it, anyway. He knew exactly what the monster had been, because he was one now. There hadn’t been anybody controlling it ... but should he let Jared believe that? Or head in that mental direction, anyway? There was still the dark possibility lurking in the back of Carson’s mind that he’d been the werewolf to kill Sadie. He didn’t want to believe it, but ... god, the memory of puking up all that red mush once he’d woken up was still so vivid. “Uh ... I dunno, I guess it’s possible? I didn’t see anyone around, or hear any like ... commands or anything, though. You think somebody maybe trained it as some giant mutant attack-wolf or something?” he asked. Carson didn’t tone it to sound ludicrous -- if he didn’t know what he knew, it might’ve sounded sensible.
"I don't know," Jared said with a somewhat defeated shake of his head. "It just seems weird how it happens once a month so far. At least we'll know when we find it, the thing's missing a leg, at least the one that killed Sadie was. There might be more." After everything he had experienced in Point Pleasant the idea that this might be an honest to god werewolf was beginning to seem less far fetched but that didn't mean he wanted to come out and say it any time soon.
As soon as Jared said ‘missing a leg,’ Carson’s ears started to feel weird. Like they were full and everything was muffled but the ringing that suddenly began. The werewolf that had attacked him had certainly not been missing a leg, but he knew a werewolf that was ... “How do you know about the leg?” he asked through numb lips. It came out murmured, and his face had gone pale. Sadie had died -- had been horrifically slaughtered, really -- on that first full moon, and if Jared knew for sure that the beast only had three legs ... Carson felt a little dizzy, and he put a hand ‘casually’ on the arm of Jared’s treadmill.
The way Carson asked, Jared assumed that meant Carson remembered that the wolf that had attacked him was also missing a leg, a detail he'd likely not thought about until now. "I took the crime scene photos to a big game hunter down in Texas. Man, that guy was a piece of work, but he's damn good at what he does. You remember then?" He felt just a little bad for dredging it up, Carson looked a little pale thinking about it all and that was to be expected with something that traumatic.
A big game hunter. Carson didn’t even register the ‘in Texas’ part, just that some hunter redneck had recognized something that Carson hadn’t even considered. Footprints. His heart was thumping sickly in his chest, and his lips parted for a second but the words weren’t there. What could he even say? Yes, he did remember? Carson realized, as one did in life-threatening situations, that this moment was an important one in saving his own ass. Part of him wasn’t sure it was worth saving, considering what he’d done, but that doubt hadn’t had time to sink in yet. He was talking to a cop about a murder he’d committed, no matter what the circumstances, and not just any murder. It was personal to Jared. “Yeah,” he said finally, hoping that pause wasn’t as long as it felt. “I mean, a little bit? It all happened really fast, it’s kind of jumbled, but ... I might have seen a ... a stump, you know? One leg shorter than the rest.”
Jared hadn't come to the gym to question Carson and he didn't really need the confirmation but it still made him feel some kind of thing to hear Carson's answer, no matter how unsure and hesitant it was. He was more hoping Carson would have some kind of epic flashback where he remembered that yes, yes he'd seen a man lurking behind the beast now that he thought about it like some hypnosis magic trick on a crime show, that he even remembered the face now that he thought about it really hard. They'd get a sketch artist and put out a BOLO and before long they'd catch the son of a bitch responsible. It was a pipedream at best and he reached out and gave Carson's shoulder a little squeeze. "I'm sorry for dragging you back through those memories," he murmured. "I can only imagine how scary and messed up that was." To be fair he could imagine it a little more vividly now after the terror he himself had gone through at the Rogan house.
Guilt lanced through Carson like a physical blade, and he felt his face flush a bit when Jared offered him comfort. It had been scary and messed up, but what was that compared to what had happened to Sadie? Carson realized with even more guilt that if she’d survived like he had, she would be cursed with this werewolf burden too, but at least she would be alive. Why did he get to live and she didn’t? It was the second time Carson had really cheated death, and now he was a murderer. How was that fair? That IED should’ve blown his head off instead of just his leg. Fuck. All of those dark thoughts flashed through his mind quickly while he tried to stay focused on the present and not giving himself away. “It’s okay, you’re just trying to do your job,” he replied to Jared, his lips twitching but not quite making it into a smile. “Sorry I don’t have more to tell you ... Were there any more, uh ... deaths? This past full moon?”
"No, none reported anyway," Jared replied but he knew from experience that sometimes nobody knew when someone had gone missing. He also wasn't terribly optimistic about the killings being over, something might have halted the killings this one full moon and their perp would be back with vengeance a month from now. "Let's hope nothing else comes up, missing persons or otherwise. We have enough cold cases as it is. I just wish I could bring you good news about that thing being off the streets already."
Good news didn’t happen in Carson’s life anymore, he thought bitterly. There were little peaks and valleys -- the peaks mostly having to do with Rylee, but even that was fraught with Issues -- but so much of it was steeply downhill. It made him feel queasy to think about. “Thanks,” he mumbled. “I wish it was good news too. Hope you can ... find something.” The hope came out a little weaker than Carson meant it to, but hopefully Jared would just chalk that up to him being uncomfortable with this whole thing, and awkward about tragedy. Guilt still gnawing at his stomach, he gave Jared’s forearm a quick squeeze. “And again, I’m sorry for your loss, man,” he added in a murmur.
Jared did indeed think he had valid reasons to be uncomfortable with the topic, it had to hit a nerve and wasn't everyone awkward around tragedy? Jared certainly was. Every time someone showed him sympathy for Sadie's death he didn't feel like he deserved it. They'd been divorced, he'd moved on. Then again he hadn't really felt like he deserved the sympathy when his own dad died, like it was somehow dissociated from him. "Thanks, man," he replied softly, the appropriate reply no matter how he felt about it all. "You busy today? Gotta moment later? I could use someone to spot me."
Carson kind of wanted to go home sick for the day, avoid everything, hide in his room with a joint and the door locked. But he couldn’t do that, not yet. There was still work to do, and he had to keep acting normal. Not like an involuntary murderer. “Naw man, I’ll be around,” he said, making a vague gesture around the not-very-busy gym. “Just lemme know when you’re ready.” He dredged up a wan smile, and drummed his fingers against the arm of the treadmill for a second, already backing away. He might not be able to do a full retreat, but some time in the bathroom to privately freak out was probably in order.
"Thanks, man," Jared said and started up the treadmill again, not really thinking much of the way Carson was backing away. In order for him to start putting two and two together he needed to open his mind to the possibilities of werewolves and he was nowhere near ready for that kind of mindfuckery. So far he didn't even have any names for all the weird things he'd experienced and he wasn't about to start trying to find those names. So he watched Carson leave, chalking his obvious discomfort up to it being a touchy subject. Carson was already dealing with a lot from his past without this animal attack piling on so he had every reason to be shaken by it all.