Roxy Muñoz (sticksandrox) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2019-04-07 21:23:00 |
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Entry tags: | #december 2017, roxy, roxy x spence, spence |
Who: Spence and Roxy
When: evening, Wednesday, Dec 13th
Where: Spence’s place
Status: complete
Things had been insane for the past week or so, but Roxy knew in the back of her mind that she had her own issue to tend to. She’d been preoccupied with Aaron being in the hospital and Mila being missing -- the implications of all of that, including the possibility that her best friend might be dead. Roxy was doing her best to cling to hope, but it felt like she was barely holding onto that with her fingernails.
She’d spoken with Mila’s parents several times and tried to calm them down, but more and more they sounded suspicious of Aaron and the Lucas family in general. She’d helped put up Missing posters, she’d joined a couple of search parties, she’d checked in with a lot of their old friends, just in case, but there was no sign of Mila. Roxy knew she hadn’t disappeared by mundane means, but she was still compelled to do something. Especially since there wasn’t much she could do for Aaron. She was keeping him as fed and hydrated as possible, but he wasn’t always cooperative, barely eating and just drinking enough water to down his painkillers. Roxy had fretted already over how many seemed to be disappearing from the bottle, but she couldn’t exactly do anything about it.
She and Caden -- and Gavin and the kids, when they could -- had been trying not to leave Aaron alone for too long at a stretch, but life hadn’t stopped. There was the bar to run, now even more short-handed, and the world still to deal with. Including parts of it that she didn’t want to deal with. Roxy had just gotten out of a small candlelight vigil for Mila at the church that Aaron hadn’t wanted to attend, and she knew Caden would be working all night. Before she could change her own mind, she made herself drive to Spence’s apartment. Her stomach was in knots as she went to his door and knocked, but it was now or never. She couldn’t let it keep festering, risk it coming out, not on top of everything else.
Spence hadn't been doing much lately but working, now that he finally had a job. It felt good to be active again, though he wasn't completely oblivious to what was going on around town. He knew Roxy's friend Mila had gone missing and while he had wanted to call or text her about it, he didn't want Caden to somehow see and flip out about it. On one hand, he could understand Roxy had been busy and probably worried out of her mind, but he was also selfishly hoping she would contact him. He wasn't sure what her plans were, or if she had taken the steps they talked about. But Spence didn't want to rush her, especially now. He was sure she had a lot on her mind.
He was home alone tonight, eating take out and flipping through the channels on his television. Given he didn't get a lot of visitors that weren't family, he was a little surprised at the knock at the door. Setting aside his food, Spence got up and unlocked his door, the tension in his shoulders easing a bit when he saw it was Roxy. "Hey, come in." Spence stepped back with a faint smile of greeting. "How're you doing? Any news?"
Roxy’s chest squeezed when Spence opened the door and smiled at her like that. God, she still wanted to just wrap her arms around him and cling and cry and possibly disappear completely. She knew she still felt for him, but Roxy didn’t know what the balance was of genuine feeling -- because there was definitely some of that involved -- and just the animal desperation to escape her life. And Caden had complicated things even further by actually treating her decently and wanting to work on things ... ugh. It all made her want to bang her head against the wall. She stepped into Spence’s apartment, giving him a tense sort of smile back. “Hey, thanks,” she greeted, moving so he could close the door. It was cold out and lightly snowing again. “About Mila? Uh, no, not yet.”
"I was really sorry to hear about what happened," Spence said as he closed the door and walked over to mute his television. "How is Caden's brother doing?" As far as Spence had been told, the guy survived, but Spence knew physical wounds were nothing compared to what the guy must be going through mentally. That kind of trauma and betrayal of trust would probably stick with him for a long time. If Spence had known the guy, even a little, he probably would have reached out by now. But the Lucas family generally kept to themselves and Roxy was the only connection he had there, if he could even call that a connection.
Roxy followed Spence a couple of paces into the living room, but then she stopped. She was sure she wouldn’t be welcome to make herself comfortable. Her hands moved restlessly in front of her, fingers tangling and untangling. God, she’d been such an idiot, how could she have gotten him involved in her stupid life like this? What an asshole move. “He’s ... recovering,” she said, her thoughts too all over to really focus on Aaron. “Um, he’ll heal fine, they think. He might get short of breath for a while, but the doctors said that would improve. He’s staying with us for now.” That ‘us’ felt heavier than a two-letter word ought to.
Spence nodded, noticing how Roxy didn't really come too far into the small living space. He had to assume 'us' meant she and Caden but he wasn't exactly in the position to get upset about that. He was sure Aaron probably needed help and it made sense that Roxy would want to do that. She seemed nervous and Spence stood somewhat awkwardly, not entirely sure what to say. Should he offer her something to eat? Or to sit down? "And how are you doing?" he asked, feeling like it was a stupid question, but also not. He probably should have asked that first before anything else. "How are things g-going?"
Things were terrifying and confusing, and Roxy suddenly wanted to scream it and just let herself throw a fit like a teenager. She was a grown-ass woman though, and Spence didn’t deserve that. Roxy had gotten herself into this mess, and she had to end it, because she really wanted to hug him right then and she couldn’t do that. “I’m ... I’ve been better,” she started, and took a deeper breath. “I have to tell you though, I ... I can’t do what we talked about. I’m so sorry I got you involved, and I’m okay, please don’t worry about me, but it’s just ... I can’t. Especially not right now. Caden can’t take care of a houseplant, much less his brother, they need me, and it would just be too much, and he’s ... we talked some -- not about you, of course -- but he’s doing ... better. With me. I’ve been praying about this and I don’t -- ugh, God.” Roxy stopped her rambling and put a hand over her eyes for a second, trying to slow her stupid thoughts down. “I’m sorry, Spence. I really am. I do still care for you, still too much, but now’s just ... not the time.”
Spence supposed he should have been more surprised or confused, but he wasn't. It had been a feeling in the pit of his stomach with every day that passed where Roxy hadn't reached out, and while he didn't know a lot about women, he knew a lot of them found it difficult to walk away from a bad situation. As much as he wanted to try and talk her out of it, it wasn't his place and he didn't want to guilt her, or make her feel shitty because things weren't going to go his way. Slipping his hands into his pockets, Spence released a soft exhale before nodding. "I get it. It's all right. I j-just you know, want you to be happy, so if you're happy, then I am too." He didn't like the thought of anyone hurting her, but short of staking out in front of her house to keep watch like a creep, there wasn't much else he could do. Spence offered her a small smile. "F-Friends though, right?"
Roxy’s expression turned a bit wary for a moment, but it shifted quickly into a more complicated emotion. Her anxious mind had gone over so many possibilities for how this might go, but immediate sweet acceptance hadn’t been at the top of the list. It made Roxy’s heart hurt, both in a yearning way and a guilty ache. She felt like she had led him on somehow, like she was invalidating herself by backing out, and there Spence was smiling at her like some saint. She didn’t even know if she was happy, everything was so tangled together. “Of course,” Roxy said, her voice a bit thick and unsteady. Before she could overthink it again she crossed the room and pulled Spence into a tight hug. It wasn’t as intimate as it would’ve been without her coat and purse still on, but maybe that was a good thing. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered again. “I didn’t mean to get you into my mess.”
Spence hesitated before returning the hug. He wasn't sure when he would get another one and he pressed his face against her hair before chuckling softly. "You didn't get me into any mess that I didn't want to be in. I just want you to be safe. And I'm here if you need somewhere to go." Especially now that Mila was missing, Spence wasn't sure who else Roxy had outside of the Lucas family. He pressed a quick kiss to the side of her face and stepped back, probably more abruptly than he meant to. But internally he was having a difficult time with this and he needed to separate from her for the time being. Spence didn't want Roxy leaving feeling bad about this when she had more than enough to worry about already.
As tuned into him as she was, Roxy could feel the tension even when he hugged her back. She let Spence go, ignoring the small sting that came when he moved away from her so abruptly. She wasn’t entitled to those feelings, and Spence had every reason to want to put distance between them. Roxy just hoped that distance stayed mostly physical, because she did still want to keep him as a friend. She didn’t have many of those. “Thank you, Spence. I won’t forget,” she murmured, watching his face with a pained expression for a moment. She swallowed the urge to apologize again, and backed up a few steps toward the door. “I’ll let you get back to your evening. Sorry to interrupt.”
His hands were back in his pockets and he grinned faintly, looking back at the coffee table where he had left his food. "Take out and cable. Not much to interrupt, at least." Spence wanted to invite her to stay for a while, but at the moment it felt like a bad idea, and he was getting the urge to maybe drive out somewhere and have a drink. He shifted awkwardly. "Let me know if they find Mila? Or if you need anything." He wanted to help, but he also didn't want to put Roxy in an awkward situation or a potentially dangerous one. Because he didn't believe for a second that Caden had suddenly changed.
Roxy nodded, her fingers back to pinching and tugging at each other. “I’ll let you know if ... anything changes,” she offered. That could mean with Mila, or with her own situation with Caden, or whatever Spence wanted to read into it. He was so sweet to care and to offer to help her with ‘anything,’ but it was such a difficult thing to take him up on when she had no idea what she needed. Hell, what she even wanted changed from day to day. It was best that she didn’t get Spence too tangled up in it all, even if he wanted to be there. “Goodnight, Spence.” Roxy waited a heartbeat, then turned to the door to see herself out.
"G'night," he said, forcing his feet to stay exactly where they were, rather than following her. If she had made her choice to stay with Caden, what good would it do to chase after her? It would put her in another bad situation, wouldn't it? If Roxy had implied that she would leave him, maybe Caden pulled a guilt trip on her and Spence didn't want to do that. But he hoped she would keep in touch, and he would try to do the same. That hope lingered, of course, but he couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness as the door shut behind her. He stood in place for a moment or two more before returning to the couch and his food, though his appetite was gone. With a sigh he settled back and sunk down into the couch, hoping to find something on television that might distract his brain for a while. Spence wasn't feeling very optimistic, but the least he could do was try.