sheriffskid (sheriffskid) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2018-11-30 09:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | #november 2017, hunter, hunter x sebastian, sebastian |
Who: Sebastian and Hunter
Where: Barrett's house
When: Evening, Tuesday, November 21st
Sebastian hadn’t been up in his room for ten minutes when he was pulling on his shoes and texting Hunter. The house still felt suffocating and he couldn’t tell if it was his father’s doing, or if he was just so uncomfortable with the outcome of their discussion that he needed some fresh air. Either way, he had to get out for a bit, regardless of what time it was and the fact that it was a school night. Can I come over? he sent to Hunter, then pulled on his jacket and hopped in his car. Even if Hunter’s dad was home and the answer was no, driving around was better than staying home.
It was stupid, but he’d expected a fight from his father. A huge blow up argument, where they both got to yell at each other and someone stomped out when they’d had enough. But in that scenario, his father was an asshole, rather than the kind of man Sebastian really wanted him to be. He knew this was better, that they’d both controlled their tempers and not said something they’d regret, but the undertone of disapproval and disappointment was so strong that it left Sebastian feeling even more unsettled. A shouting match would have made him miserable, but at least it would have been cathartic. Instead, he was left feeling like the other shoe was about to drop, just when he least expected it.
Hunter had been expecting Sebastian to text or call and he was pretty sure that if he hadn't heard from him before he went to sleep, he wouldn't have slept at all from worry. He was playing a mindless game on his phone when the text came through and a weird mix of relief and fear rushed through him at the preview. It didn't tell him anything about how it had gone though, maybe Sebastian had fled to Greg's place. Maybe things were okay. Maybe maybe maybe... Maybe the sky was falling.
Yeah! Is everything okay? He sent back, jumping up off the bed as if Sebastian might just magically appear outside of his house within seconds of sending that message. Where are you?
In the car. On my way. Sebastian shot back, trying to decide how to even respond to the first question. Was he okay? Technically, sure. But at the same time, not really. He’d heard just enough of his parent’s conversation as he left the room to know things were just going to get worse, but he didn’t know how. It felt like the worst time ever to have a big family dinner looming over them. Not great, but not horrible. I’ll explain when I get there? He didn’t want Hunter to worry, but he couldn’t really tell him that things had gone well when that wasn’t the case.
Don't text and drive Hunter sent him back because yes, he could wait to know what had happened until Sebastian got there. Even if he was crawling out of his skin right now. He used that energy to tidy his room a little before Sebastian got there. It didn't really need it but it was something to do. They might not get much privacy tonight but he'd keep the door closed as long as he could so they could at the very least talk about what had happened before his dad came home.
It didn’t take long for Sebastian to get to Hunter’s house, the entire drive passing in a kind of a blur. The radio was on, but he didn’t really hear it, instead bits of his conversation with his father playing over again in his head. It hadn’t even been that long a conversation, not when he thought back through it, but it felt like it had gone on for hours. Every second weighed him down, waiting for a reaction, a response that he understood. He was at Hunter’s door before he knew it, knocking with cold hands, his breath visible in the freezing night air.
He didn't wait more than a few seconds before the door swung open and Hunter pulled him inside and shut it behind him again. "Oh my God it's so cold out there," he whined and Sebastian felt cold to the touch but Hunter still wrapped his arms around him, hugging him in tight. "Hi," he murmured belatedly, studying Sebastian's face intently. He didn't look too upset, but a little, and Hunter knew he'd need all the details Stat. "I'm gonna get us some soda and some glasses and then we'll go to my room and talk, okay?"
The second Hunter was in front of him, Sebastian returned the embrace, wishing he could just stay like that for a few minutes. If he closed his eyes and held on tight, then maybe he could put the exchange with his father out of his mind just a little longer. Unfortunately, that wasn’t how his mind worked, it never really stopped spinning, and Hunter probably needed some kind of an explanation for what was going on. “Okay,” he said, reluctantly releasing Hunter. “Is your dad home?” Not that it mattered, except that Sebastian had really been hoping for a better second meeting with Hunter’s father and that was unlikely to happen tonight.
"Not yet," Hunter told him and grabbed Sebastian's hand as soon as they weren't hugging anymore. It just felt necessary to hold onto him somehow, like he might slip away if he didn't. He pulled him along to the kitchen and got them both something to drink, then - still holding Sebastian's hand - dragged him upstairs. The tidying hadn't been necessary but now he was glad he'd done it anyway, it left his bed free of clothes and stuff so they could sit there and talk. "Okay," he said once he'd plopped down there. "Tell me everything."
Sebastian didn’t mind being drug around the house. Hunter’s hand in his felt like a lifeline, keeping him tied to the moment, rather than floating away into the abyss in his mind. He slipped off his shoes, then settled in with him on the bed, never once letting Hunter go. “I told him, and it was like… like he didn’t believe me at first. And then it became this interrogation: how long have I known? Did Jules know? Who am I dating? How long have we been together? And it wasn’t…it wasn’t like he was being mean, but he was pissed about me lying to them and…” Sebastian swallowed, a lump forming in his throat, and for the first time that night he thought he might actually cry. Instead, he clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. “It wasn’t that bad,” he said, hoping he could convince himself, if not Hunter.
"He was pissed about you lying?" Hunter asked with some confusion. "About what? About being straight?" He'd never heard that one before and he'd read a lot of coming out stories. Maybe more than normal in the last few hours but that was beside the point. "Coming out is a big deal what... Wow." The sudden emotion in Sebastian's expression didn't escape him and he shuffled closer so their knees were touching, clasping his hand more tightly. "He'll get over it, he loves you." All he could do was hope he was right and that Sebastian's dad wasn't one of those horrible jerks who hated gay people more than they loved their own kids.
“Yeah,” Sebastian nodded. He’d expected that of the girls that he’d dated, along with accusations of him using them, but not of his father. “I tried to tell him it wasn’t like that, but…” He shrugged, not sure that it mattered. He had the feeling his dad would be pissed no matter what. “But what if he doesn’t?” he asked, his voice cracking a little. “I mean, maybe… maybe I just caught him off guard, but…” Sebastian closed his eyes and squeezed Hunter’s hands back. “He really didn’t say anything horrible. He was just… cold. Like… Like, I’ve noticed, lately, the room sometimes gets cold when I’m upset. With my dad, it’s like I can’t breathe.” Some of that was him and only him, but he was almost positive some of it was his father sucking the air from the room. Not enough to hurt anyone, but enough to make him uncomfortable even when he wasn’t on the verge of a panic attack.
"Okay that's just creepy," Hunter said quietly and it was hard not to imagine Sebastian's dad as some kind of dark villainous witch who suffocated his enemies. he had seen James McCarthy's photo so he knew what he looked like and weirdly that just made it easier to picture him doing terrible things. Not that he was going to tell his boyfriend that his dad looked evil, but he kinda did. Clean cut lawyer type of evil. "Your mom supports you," he said instead. "That matters a lot and I bet... I bet he's just in shock. Like he pictured life for you a certain way and... it all came crashing down." He didn't feel sympathetic toward Sebastian's dad at all for that, it was 2017, get with the times! It still felt important to be kind about it, for Sebastian's sake instead of his dad's. Diplomatic or something. "If he's still like that a week from now we can just write him off as an asshole."
“I don’t think he does it on purpose. I know I don’t,” Sebastian said softly. Sometimes he didn’t even notice it, but even when he did he had trouble controlling it. He was hoping that was something that would improve as he gained better control of his magic. “That’s what I keep telling myself,” he said. “My mom was great. Way better than I could have hoped for. She came with me when I talked to my dad, which… maybe wasn’t the best plan, but… I knew he wouldn’t take it well. I just knew. But I didn’t expect this, you know? I felt like he was all over the place. Like, he wants me to have you over for dinner, but it felt like a threat? I dunno.” He couldn’t quite explain how his dad had been this controlling presence, while still managing to say nothing demeaning or cruel.
Hunter's eyes widened at that last part. He didn't know much about the situation but he knew he absolutely did not want to go to dinner with Sebastian's family - which was probably terrible but it he also knew he'd feel differently if they were... Well. Normal. They really were anything but and Hunter kind of wished his boyfriend was just the run of the mill middle class non-magical boy with boring parents. "Are we... am I coming to dinner?" he asked, not even trying to hide how much the idea terrified him even if he wanted to do whatever it took to make this easier for Sebastian. Dinner just hadn't been something he'd expected and god, now he had to go sit at the same table as the guy he'd just pictured killing people?
“No,” Sebastian said immediately, shaking his head, not wanting Hunter to worry about that. “Even my mom said that was a bad idea. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Or to himself, for that matter. Sebastian could handle a lot, but that felt like asking to be tortured. Maybe James wouldn’t dig into him, but he couldn’t say the same about Hunter. It felt like his father was looking for someone to attack and Sebastian wouldn’t let Hunter be a target. “I would want things to feel good at home before we even got close to that. Maybe you can meet my mom, though. If you wanted to. She was asking about you.” He knew she was curious and he wasn’t quite as worried about her judgment as he had been before.
Hunter visibly relaxed. Given the circumstances, he didn't think he needed to feel like a dick for the relief he felt but he still did, a little. He nodded eagerly then because meeting Sebastian's mom alone was way better. "Yeah, just, when she wants to," he said because even if meeting Brianna McCarthy was a lot less scary than meeting James McCarthy, it still was a lot. "I hope things get like normal soon, start feeling good again, I mean. It's been really hard lately for you with the magic and now this. I just wish I could fix it." He brought his free hand up to cup Sebastian's face, lightly brushing his thumb against his skin. "Until it does you can always come here, whenever you want."
Sebastian didn’t blame Hunter for not wanting to have dinner with his parents. That would’ve been nerve wrecking even if his father had reacted better, but with things as they were he wasn’t going to bring his boyfriend into a hostile environment. He wasn’t all that sure how his mother would meet Hunter if he wouldn’t bring Hunter by the house, but they’d cross that bridge when they came to it. “You make it bearable,” he said softly, leaning closer to Hunter as he touched his face. It was really hard for him to imagine going through this without Hunter. Even with Greg, Jules, and Phee there to support him, they didn’t relate the way Hunter did. “I’d never leave,” he said with a tiny smile. “You’d get sick of me.”
"You could never make me get sick of you," Hunter replied defiantly. "And I kinda wish you'd try." Because that would mean Sebastian would be with him all the time and Hunter couldn't say no to that. He kind of felt like melting whenever Sebastian touched his face, it was so gentle and so reverent, making him feel loved in a way he never had before, the family and friends couldn't love him and yet not inherently sexual.
“If you didn’t kick me out, your dad would,” Sebastian said with a tiny smile as he ran his thumb along Hunter’s jaw. If it weren’t for their parents, Sebastian knew he’d just stay there tonight, curled up with Hunter. He didn’t want to hear about why they couldn’t or shouldn’t, that they were too young, or foolish, or didn’t really know what love was. Or that it was irresponsible. It all sounded like bullshit, reasons to keep them from being together, rather than looking out for their wellbeing.
Hunter grimaced because Sebastian was right. His dad would kick him out, nicely of course, more like drive him home or suggest he leave like last time but Hunter hated it either way. It wasn't like they were just non-stop fucking or something and it wasn't like not letting Sebastian stay kept them from having sex. It just made it more inconvenient and probably less safe! Parents were so dumb. "I'll hide you," he joked. "You still need to work on an invisibility spell, then you can just park a few blocks down and stay here forever."
Sebastian leaned forward and kissed Hunter, wishing he could somehow make that happen. “I don’t even know if that’s possible,” he said. And even if it was, it was probably super advanced and he couldn’t even imagine asking his father about it. Not right now. “My magic’s been kind of erratic lately? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’ve been stressed.” He didn’t understand it, but he didn’t have all the answers and he asking meant admitting that something else was wrong. “I don’t mind the risk of sneaking in, but… I want your dad to like me. He might think I’m a bad influence. Corrupting you or something.”
Hunter hadn't meant it literally at all so Sebastian's reply made him grin with some puzzlement. It was completely out there to try to hide an actual person forever in his room, or even for a night, no matter how tempting it was, but it was really tempting. At Sebastian's words his smile faded and he shook his head vehemently. "No," he said simply at first. "No, he... he wouldn't think that. Your dad's more likely to think that of me. I came out of the closet long before I met you but... I don't know, some people think you can turn people gay? Dad wouldn't think you're a bad influence, why would he? You're great in every way, Sebastian."
“You’re hot, but it doesn’t work like that,” Sebastian said, giving Hunter a little smile as he slid his fingers between Hunter’s. “I told him, I’ve known for, like, two years. Because he asked. That’s when he got mad about me lying to them, like… like just because I knew meant I was ready to tell anyone.” It was so much more complicated than that. He’d not been in denial, but he’d thought maybe, maybe, he could be bi. If he just found the right girl. Which was stupid, he realized now. That might be the case for some people, but in his case he lying to himself in an effort to make his life easier. “I dunno,” he shrugged. “Some parents freak out when their kids start having sex. My dad almost encouraged it, before.” He had the feeling that things would change now.
"Yeah, they seem a lot less upset if you're actually having sex with girls," Hunter sighed. "But I mean if you think about it, this is better. Not like we have to worry about teen pregnancy. They should be happy!" They wouldn't be though, because it was taboo, because apparently they didn't want any of their kids, sons or daughters, having sex with guys. It made him wonder if any parents were ever relieved to have gay daughters but no, he knew better than that. "I think they just want us to be celibate until we get married or something. Preferably to someone they pick for us."
“Probably,” Sebastian said with a little laugh. “I’m pretty sure they know, even if we don’t talk about it. Which I’m fine with. It was bad enough sitting through the whole sex with girls talk.” He didn’t even want to imagine sitting through one related to gay sex. He was pretty sure he would die of embarrassment. “I don’t really get the whole double standard thing. And I don’t believe for a second that they didn’t fool around in high school. It’s like they make things difficult as some weird right of passage. Like it’s their job.” Which maybe he could get if pregnancy was an issue, but it wasn’t. And it wasn’t like either of them were sleeping around so much that they had to worry about STDs. Neither of them had even been with anyone else. The whole thing seemed absurd.
"Yeah," Hunter sighed. "I bet they don't even really care at this point, it's just like expected of them. Like oh, you're a parent now, if you're not unfair and annoying to your teenager you get an angry letter from the parent committee." He rolled his eyes but his heart wasn't really in this conversation. He was more worried about one parent in particular, Sebastian's dad. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked softly.
It was easier for Sebastian to whine about parents in general than focus on the situation with his father. Just thinking about him brought his mood back down, but he gave Hunter a little nod. He had to be okay. There really wasn’t another option, as far as he could see it. As much as it hurt, he knew it really, truly wasn’t that bad. “Yeah,” he said softly, looking down at their hands, their fingers still laced loosely together. “It just sucks. I feel like I’ve disappointed him just by being me.” His father might’ve been happier not knowing, but Sebastian had gotten to the point where he couldn’t hide it any longer.
"It sucks," Hunter said because honestly didn't know what to say to that. He knew people who'd probably spout something smart and inspiring, Mak was good at that stuff, she'd know what to say to make Sebastian feel better and Hunter wracked his brain trying to channel her energy but he had nothing. It made him feel a little dumb and useless so he leaned in and wrapped his arms around Sebastian's shoulders. It was slightly awkward in the position they were sitting in but it was better than just sitting there and not helping at all. "Sorry your dad's a jerk," he mumbled.
The hug might have been awkward, but it was what Sebastian needed. There were no words that could fix his situation and he really didn’t expect that from Hunter. What he wanted more than anything was just to be with someone that cared and understood, and Hunter was managing that just fine. Sebastian hugged him back, slow to let him go. “Me too,” he said softly. “You think we could… watch something maybe? I won’t stay late, I swear.” He just wasn’t ready to go home. Curling up with Hunter was far more appealing.
"I'll even let you pick what we watch," Hunter agreed, more than happy to curl up and watch something random with Sebastian, as long as it meant he could snuggle up against him and enjoy his presence. "If you want, I mean. I can pick something if you just want to turn off your brain for a bit and not make decisions." Sometimes a guy needed that and Hunter was happy to do the thinking if it helped make Sebastian feel better. He'd already decided they were watching something up here in his room. They could spoon and put something fun on the laptop.
It took Sebastian about ten seconds to realize he had absolutely no clue what to watch. His brain was coming up blank, his desire to watch something having little to do with being entertained. “Why don’t you pick this time,” he suggested quietly. “I’m not picky.” He could be, in certain moods, but right now he just needed something to run in the background. It was an excuse to stay and be close to Hunter and he suspected they both knew it.
Hunter knew it wasn't about the entertainment but the company so he wasn't picky, finding something he'd already seen before. It took them some shuffling around before they found a position they were both comfortable in and Hunter had to admit they'd probably be better off on the couch but there was more privacy to be had in his room so they'd deal with it. The show was more for background noise anyway, just something to focus on so Sebastian didn't have to think about the situation at home.
Once the show was running, Sebastian began to relax, but still found himself running over the events of the evening. No matter how many times he told himself that things had gone well, that they weren’t that bad, he kept feeling his father’s eyes on him, that cold anger that didn’t make it into his words, but still managed to seep into Sebastian’s skin. It played in his mind on repeat and he closed his eyes when they began to burn, hoping Hunter wouldn’t notice the tears on his shirt, or at least wouldn’t care. Eventually, his breathing evened out and he drifted off, his hold on Hunter loosening, but never quite letting go.
It was hard not to notice when the person you were holding was crying, no matter how subtle it was, but Hunter didn't bring it up. Sebastian was trying not to cry so he wasn't going to ruin that for him. He rubbed his arm soothingly instead and brought his hand up to his lips to press gentle little kisses on his knuckles. Comfort didn't have to be verbal, he was there for him. It seemed to help a little at least and when he felt that Sebastian had drifted off, he let himself do the same. They didn't often get to sleep together so Hunter treasured it.