Who: Sebastian, James, and Brianna When: Evening, Tuesday, November 21st Where: Home Warnings: Homophobia, transphobia, probably other things too. Status: Complete
It was Tuesday evening when Sebastian finally worked up the nerve to go talk to his father, aware that if he waited any longer James was likely to hear about it somewhere else, and he had to imagine that would be worse. Worse than what, he didn’t know, but as he descended into the basement he knew he was about to find out. Brianna had offered to join him and promised to be down shortly, but Sebastian doubted he would get very far without her there. It was her support that gave him the courage to go move forward, a silent promise that even if things got bad, he wouldn’t be alone.
It was always weird to see his father playing video games of any sort, like it broke some unspoken rule of adulthood that Sebastian just knew was supposed to be there. He watched for a minute, then sat down on the couch to wait for an opening, unwilling to interrupt. Timing was important and he really didn’t need anything else working against him, like causing his dad to fail in some match or battle. It might just be a game, but he knew as well as anyone that losing still put you in a bad mood.
James didn't often play video games. He had better things to do, honestly, but sometimes he just wanted to shoot people and since it wasn't really legal to do that outside of war, computer games were a small consolation prize. He wasn't really in a bad mood, he was just stressed and unsatisfied since his last trip to Bangor hadn't really let him get a good play in and it'd be a while until he could go to another play party. He was aware of his son coming into room and appreciated that he didn't interrupt though it didn't really matter.
When his fairly high score shot up on the screen at the end of the level, he put away the controller and picked up his glass of whiskey, turning his attention to Sebastian. He looked a little worried, probably about to ask him for something that he thought James wasn't keen on letting him have. It was funny how often James had to fake the strict parent thing for propriety's sake. He so often saw himself in his boys and he remembered the things he'd gotten up to at their age. Different back then and less likely to be filmed but still not always very safe or appropriate. He didn't speak first, just fixed a questioning stare on Sebastian as he drank the honey colored liquor.
Sebastian watched as his father finished up his game and moved across the room to make himself a drink. He could use one of those himself, it didn’t matter what it was, but he knew better than to ask. His father probably knew he drank, but encouraging it was something different. As Brianna descended the basement stairs, Sebastian swallowed the lump in his throat and finally spoke up. “I need to talk to you about something,” he said, likely stating the obvious at this point. If he’d just wanted some quality time with his dad, he would’ve asked if he could join the game. His eyes flicked to his mother, then back to his father. “I don’t really know how to start.”
Aware of what was happening in the basement now, Brianna headed downstairs though she was careful to keep her distance and not overwhelm the situation. She wasn't sure how James would take the news, but she would step in if she needed to. Right now this was between James and Sebastian, and Brianna was merely there as a buffer. She stood off to the side, her arms folded loosely against her chest.
It was hard not to start guessing and James took another sip of his whiskey before putting the glass down. In case it was something very bad and he'd have the urge to throw it. Pregnancy, spell gone wrong, problem with the law - it was hard to imagine Sebastian getting into any real trouble but James knew very well that looks could be deceiving and that not getting into trouble often had more to do with not being caught. Maybe he didn't want to go to college. Now that would be a Problem. They had the money for it so it wasn't like he'd drown in student loans and James had a sense of pride when it came to his children and their education. It didn't help that Brianna was there. While James's brain quickly tried to puzzle out what to expect, Brianna supporting Bash in whatever he'd done or was about to do narrowed it down considerably. He didn't think for a second that it was something positive, not with the way Bash was looking at him. "Well," he muttered with another quick glance at Brianna. "I'm right here so just start."
While Sebastian hadn’t thought it was easy to tell his mother, it was better than this. At least she’d given him a lead in, a way to talk without dumping it on her in one fell swoop. But she’d also known the truth before he got there, so that was probably to her credit, rather than his ability to ease into things. “I’m gay,” Sebastian said, that sick feeling stirring in his stomach like it always did when things got bad. Without his mother there, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to breathe, but since he could, he pressed on. “I’m gay and I’m dating someone, so… I thought you should know.” It felt like there should be more, but that’s what it really came down to. He wasn’t sure his father would care about the details, how he’d accidentally outed himself to most of the school, when all that really mattered was that he was done hiding it.
Out of all the things James had thought about, this was not one of them. Sure, he'd considered it when he first started having kids. What he'd do if one of them was gay (and these days that wasn't even the worst of it) but the older they got, the less he worried. Both his boys dated a lot and he couldn't deny the hypocritical side of him that minded far less if his little girl was gay. So for the first time in a long time James was visibly stunned and he stared at Sebastian for a moment before looking over at Brianna as if they might be pulling some trick on him. "Say what now?" he asked then, his gaze ticking back to Sebastian, his brows raised in question.
Sebastian had thought of a lot of scenarios, but the one where his father didn’t believe him hadn’t come up. This wasn’t the kind of thing Sebastian would joke about and he wondered how long it would take his father to realize that. Figuring he’d been caught totally off guard, he gave his father a moment to let it sink in. “I’m gay,” he said again, this time a little slower, waiting for it to click. His eyes ticked to his mother, wondering what else he should add. A part of him wanted to explain what that meant, but he knew better than to sass at his father at a time like this.
Brianna gave James a Look. Not one of annoyance, but one designed to inform him that he needed to chose his words carefully now. This was definitely no joke and she knew how difficult it was for Sebastian to be doing this. When Sebastian looked at her, she offered him a small smile and a nod. There was a lot she wanted to say, but it didn't feel like her place. At least not yet. With any luck James would just accept it, or pretend to as not to ostracize their son. If she had to step in, she would, but right now all she could do was wait.
James was a master of making a room uncomfortable. A whole house even if he was in a mood. Sometimes it was on purpose, sometimes it was just an unfortunate side effect of his bad mood. The air felt thicker as he mulled over what felt like an ambush. Why was Brianna even there? Watching for his reaction. Did she think he'd hit their kid? Kick him out? He was prepared for a lot of bullshit but this came out of the left field and he hated surprises almost as much as he hated losing. The first thing he wanted to say was You're not fucking gay. It was ridiculous to even think about it, but Sebastian was seventeen and the whole queer identity seemed almost like a goddamn trend with kids his age. At least he wasn't transgender; James had nothing against those people, but he couldn't imagine dealing with that kind of nonsense within his family. Not to mention his son would look ridiculous trying to emulate a woman's looks.
James really didn't want to be angry about this. He was not a narrow minded hick, his son being gay shouldn't be a big deal. But it was. It filled him with something dark that made him want to shake Sebastian until his idiot teenage mind cleared and he realized he was straight. James didn't really know what to do with those feelings and his mood was only getting heavier, slowly sucking the air out of the room. "How long have you known this?" he asked, forcing a calm voice, a calm demeanor.
Sebastian could feel the change in the air, the way it was slightly harder to breathe, though he didn’t realize it was his father’s doing, just like he didn’t realize how his own emotions attributed to the drop in temperature. He’d never had a panic attack in front of his father and he didn’t want to now, but with the air thicker, he was breathing harder and heavier and he thought he might be on the verge. He licked his lips, hating that question. There was a huge difference in when he’d known he was gay versus when he’d given up on trying with girls, and even then he hadn’t been ready to do anything about it until he met Hunter. He wasn’t sure his father would understand why it had taken so long for him to come around, but fear and a desire to fit in were great motivators. “Um…a couple of years maybe? But… but I wasn’t… I wasn’t ready.” He wanted to live his truth, he really did, but it had taken a long time to get there.
James didn't want to know what exactly Sebastian hadn't been ready for; Telling his family or actually having a boyfriend. If it was up to James, Sebastian would never be ready for a boyfriend - or one night stands - but apparently he already had one. "So you've been lying to us," he said and it might not be a fair thing to be angry about but he was angry and he needed an anchor. "What about Jules? Did she know?" They had dated for a while, she'd come around the house a fair amount during that time so either she was oblivious - and Sebastian had been lying to her too - or she was in on it and she'd been lying to James's face just like his son had. He was having a hard time sussing out which of the many things going through his mind was making him angrier but it was verging on cracking his cool demeanor.
“It wasn’t like that,” Sebastian said defensively, his walls coming up at being called a liar, even if he knew that’s exactly what he’d been doing. He’d been lying about what he wanted, though it wasn’t like he’d ever said so explicitly. He just went through the motions, doing what he thought he was supposed to do, swallowing enough denial that he’d hoped maybe something would click with one of the girls he dated, until he’d finally accepted that it wasn’t going to happen. “Jules didn’t know, not while we were dating. No one did. Not even Greg. Or Phee.” He didn’t want his father to think this was some kind of conspiracy, that everyone had known for years and had been in on hiding it. As the sole keeper of his secret, it had been easy to maintain the lie until he met Hunter, which was when things started to unravel.
"James," Brianna said, though not threateningly. Sebastian had been lying to them, but she was more inclined to be upset about his lies over magic, rather than his sexuality. Was she hurt he kept it from them? Yes, but could she blame him? Absolutely not. Especially with the tone James had taken now. "Sebastian was apprehensive about telling us. But he's telling us now, and we need to try and be understanding. He wasn't being malicious in keeping this from us."
James gave her a sharp look and her perceived hypocrisy was a new thing to latch onto, to get mad about. "Oh, so you can be angry about him lying to you about magic but this is fine," he said sharply before looking back to the TV where his game was still paused and unappealing. He couldn't bring himself to look at Sebastian right now, knocking back the remains of his drink instead. "You're dating someone," he stated flatly. "Who?" That mattered more than he cared to admit. It was one thing for Sebastian to be gay but if he was dating an older man James was going to flip his shit and he knew it. He respected Connor Ford as a fellow dominant and professional and he'd never had a problem with him but now it was hard not to think of him, a much older man into pretty little things and... fuck, was his son that? He'd never had to think of him as someone to be victimized, his heterosexual, athletic boy... Even as he thought about it he realized it was a shitty thing to think but that didn't mean he could just change his mind about it. He did not want his son to get fucked by another man, to be feminized, objectified, humiliated.
Sebastian stared at his father, his expression a mixture of frustration and hurt. Those were totally different things in his mind, hiding a bad decision nowhere near the same as hiding his sexuality. Furthermore, he didn’t want to start that up with his mother again and he glanced at her, worried about the possible change of subject. He’d put that whole mess behind him if he could, but it kept coming up. “Who?” he asked, looking back at his father, the question feeling more like an order… or a threat. “Why does that matter?” It would be so easy for his father to find out, yet he wanted to protect Hunter if he could. He’d always worried about how his father might lash out at him, but the idea of him going after Hunter chilled him in a way he hadn’t thought possible.
Brianna clenched her jaw, but bit back on a fiery response of her own. She had been mad about the magic because that had the potential of hurting him. Being gay did not, and she felt there was a significant difference there. Brianna's attention shifted to Sebastian and she could see this conversation getting out of hand quickly if Sebastian decided that he didn't need to answer simple questions. His boyfriend should not have to be a secret, and Sebastian trying to keep it one would only make all of this that much worse. "Sebastian," Brianna said quietly. "It's okay to tell him. It doesn't need to be a secret." Everyone apparently already knew about Sebastian and Hunter Barrett. Trying to keep it from James was silly and stupid, as he would be able to find out on his own in a second if he really wanted to.
It was a response out of fear more than logic, as well as a desire to protect when he already felt so vulnerable. Sebastian had no idea what his father was thinking, something that was always difficult, but even more so when he wouldn't even look at him. It wasn't worth it to argue over something that was now public knowledge, but if his mother hadn't been there, Sebastian might've dug his heels in just because it felt right. "Hunter Barrett," he said, and though he knew the name wouldn't mean much to his father, he wasn't willing to give him anymore more.
It was fortunate that Brianna stepped in because Sebastian's refusal to speak up only fuelled James's anger. Getting a name quieted it down again if only a little and he frowned as he tried to place it. "Barrett," he repeated as he tried to do just that. He knew that was the sheriff's name but he wasn't making the connection. "I don't know him," he muttered, obviously fishing for more information. Leave it to Sebastian to just this once blurt out a name and not ramble like he usually did when he was nervous. James was still stuck on the mortifying idea that his son might be dating someone older and he liked to think he would calm down if that was not the case but... he probably wouldn't and even he knew that.
“I haven’t really had him over,” Sebastian said, as if that was a good enough explanation, even if it was a lie. There was no way for them to know that though, or he’d already have been in trouble for it. His parents had never had an issue with him having girls over, or even in his room, and that was when they thought he was straight. Even though they hadn’t said it, he wasn’t sure they’d feel the same way about him having Hunter over. “He’s on the basketball team with me,” he finally said, hoping that was enough. He couldn’t imagine going into detail about how they met, how long they’d been dating, or anything else that might normally lead him to start gushing over his boyfriend. It just felt wrong, far too intimate for a conversation that was already so cold.
Same age. That was at least something, even if it didn't make James feel better in the way he would have hoped it would. "How long have you been seeing this boy?" he asked. "We usually get to meet your girlfriends, you should bring him for dinner sometime." He was trying for the accepting and open approach because why would this be a big deal? The words on their own might have worked that way but they came out bitter, almost threatening. Bring the boy to dinner so your father can ask him uncomfortable questions, scare him away. Maybe bury him in the backyard? God he didn't mean it that way, or at least he didn't mean for it to sound that way because there was still an undeniable urge underneath the cold surface to end this somehow.
Brianna had wondered how long Sebastian had been dating Hunter as well, but right now it didn't seem to be an important detail. It would only add fuel to the fire that their son had been 'lying' to them for quite some time. "I think it would be lovely to have Hunter over for dinner," Brianna chimed in, her tone purposely more casual than James's. "Whenever Sebastian is ready to introduce us. And when you've had some time to accept all of this." That was perhaps more direct as she looked at her husband, but now didn't seem to be the time to sugar coat anything, or tip toe around the obvious. It would be a disaster to have Sebastian's boyfriend over for any kind of family meal while James was still upset or angry about this. She didn't want to put Sebastian or Hunter through that. Or herself, if she was being quite honest.
Sebastian knew that the words coming out of his father’s mouth were civil, but the tone was something else, laced with a darkness that made him want to respond with a flat out denial. He had some bizarre vision of his father eating Hunter for dinner, blood splattered all over the walls, even though his father had neither the claws or fangs that went with such a macabre hallucination. It was just that something about the request struck fear in him, perhaps that Hunter would want out once he saw what things were like at home. Either way, his mother saved him from answering, or at least putting a date on it, which meant he could stall forever if he had to. He let the first question fall away entirely, hoping that it would get lost in the conversation. “Maybe… after the holidays,” he suggested, thinking that left it often enough that it could be months away if necessary.
James's irritation was not eased, not at all. Brianna's presence and her words grated him more than he could say and Sebastian being petulant and nervous (and gay!) just made it all worse. He hummed wordlessly and picked up the controller again, shooting each of them a dark look, a sign this conversation was over and he wanted them to leave. "After the holidays then," he muttered and unpaused his game, though he was sure he wasn't going to be able to focus on it now. It made him wish he had someone locally he could go to, some eager little whore he could take out all his frustrations on tonight.
That was a dismissal if he’d ever seen one, but Sebastian still stood there for a moment, unsure if he was more disappointed or relieved. It could have been so much worse; his worst case scenarios involved yelling and name calling, possibly revoking privileges or taking away his car. This didn’t come close and he knew he should be thankful. Nothing that had come out of his father’s mouth had been cruel and he’d known better than to think he would embrace the news. But it still hurt, even if he couldn’t put his finger on why, and once the pain began to set in he turned and left, eager to get to his room where he could breathe easier.
Brianna didn't leave the room, but watched as Sebastian fled the room. She supposed it could have been worse, but she didn't like James's cold attitude, or the tone of his voice. She couldn't expect him to embrace the news with open arms, but he could have at least tried. With Sebastian gone, Brianna turned back toward James, her arms folded loosely against her chest. "This isn't the end of the world," she told him. "He's still your son. He was terrified of telling you." Brianna wasn't going to tell James how he should have behaved, or what he should have said, but this felt like something they should at least talk about, whether or not he wanted to.
"What, you think I'd kick him out?" James all but barked at her indignantly. It was hard to keep all the frustration under check and now that his son had left the room it was getting harder. "What the hell do you think I-" he stopped himself and drew in a sharp breath through his nose. "We're not doing this now," he added sharply. "I'm trying to enjoy some goddamn down time and you guys ambush me with this bullshit. He needed you here? Fine. You were here. Now get out." His body was ready to move, if she kept yapping at him. If she didn't leave, he would though he wasn't even sure where he'd go and if he'd go, if he'd come back anytime soon.
The words stung and Brianna's spine stiffened as her instinctive reaction was to feel anger that he would talk to her that way. Beneath the fire was hurt, but she was careful to keep her expression calm, save for the tightening of her jaw. It took every ounce of willpower not to walk over and yank the game console out of the wall to throw across the room. "Well, I'm so sorry we ruined your down time with something so important to your son. When you're ready to talk about it like an adult, you know where to find me." Brianna turned to calmly head up the stairs, as she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of storming out like she might have if they had been arguing about anything else. She needed to check on Sebastian and make sure he was all right, so James could stew alone if that's what he wanted to do.
James bit back a few horrible things that threatened to spill from his lips and let her leave in quiet. Of course his down time was ruined anyway and moments after Brianna left the room he turned off the console and the TV. He'd meant for this to be a chill evening but now he just wanted to exert himself, hit something, run. He'd had a couple of drinks but he still felt in control so he didn't even think twice about driving. He just needed to get out of the house, away from his gay son and hypocritical wife before he started breaking things. He waited until Brianna was gone before he left and that was going to color the rest of the week. Staying out of the house, talking to his family as little as possible, planning a trip out of town. These were just James's ways of dealing with things out of his control: avoid them.