search within (searchwithin) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2018-11-28 14:42:00 |
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Entry tags: | #november 2017, brianna, brianna x sebastian, sebastian |
Who: Brianna and Sebastian
When: Early evening, Monday, November 20th
Where: Home
Status: Complete
Despite Sebastian having been home for a while, Brianna waited until James headed out for his evening run before she decided to approach him about what Miriam had told her earlier in the day. She didn’t want James overhearing the conversation, and she wasn’t sure when she would again have the right opportunity to talk to him. He had gone up to his room to work on his homework, and after she watched James disappear down the street, Brianna headed upstairs and knocked lightly on her son’s door.
“Sebastian, it’s me, can I come in?” she asked, reaching down for the doorknob but not wanting to enter until he gave her permission to. Barreling in uninvited would be a horrible way to start this entire conversation and she didn’t want the two of them to start arguing straight away.
After Ophelia left, Sebastian had finally found the focus to do a bit of his homework. He told himself he would talk to his mother afterwards, that he needed to do this first or it might not be done at all. He knew he was stalling, that every day he let pass increased the chances of someone else telling her, but the timing never seemed right. It wasn’t a bomb he was going to drop over dinner, especially not with the whole family there. He couldn’t shake the feeling that his father’s reaction would be far worse than his mother’s, so telling her first felt like a better plan. At least, he hoped so. She could always turn around and tell his dad a moment later and he really wouldn’t be able to blame her after all the talk of not keeping secrets.
As much as he’d told himself that he could do this, that no matter what happened things would be okay eventually, his heart still began to race when she knocked at his door. He hadn’t figured out how to broach the subject, but just blurting it out felt abrupt. “Yeah, come in,” he said, setting his homework aside.
Brianna was somewhat relieved when he gave her permission to enter, and she opened the door, slipping inside before quietly closing it behind her. "How was school today?" she asked casually, walking over to sit gingerly on the edge of his bed. It wouldn't do to jump right into what was on her mind. There had been enough tension between the two of them lately that this entire conversation felt like a battleground and she had to be careful not to step on any landmines.
“Sucky,” Sebastian answered with a quiet laugh that held no real mirth. As he watched his mom take a seat on the bed, he knew this was the time to say something, but just thinking about it made his hands shake. He clutched them together in an effort to control them, eyes moving between the bed and his mother as he spoke, not sure where he wanted to look. “I did something this weekend that I didn’t really mean to and… And now I’m having to deal with it.”
Brianna didn't want to assume she knew what he was talking about, but given what Miriam had told her, she had a feeling it had to do with Sebastian taking a boy to the dance. She could have told him she already knew, but somehow it felt like it would mean more if he told her first, and she was willing to give him that chance. "Do you want to tell me about it?" Brianna asked. He may only agree because it was clear his secret was out, but she would take what she could get at this point.
Sebastian gave a shaken little nod of his head, taking a moment to gather his thoughts, barely noticing that the temperature in the room had dropped a few degrees. As uncomfortable as he was, he knew he would never have a better opportunity to tell her. She seemed open and receptive right now. He just hoped it lasted. “I’ve been wanting to, but… I didn’t want to make things worse. It never felt like a good time, and I really, really didn’t want you upset with me.” His parents approval had always mattered to him, probably more than it should, but it was only in the last couple of months that he’d struggled with it. Most of what they’d wanted for him lined up with what he wanted, so there was no reason to fight about it.
And then he’d met Hunter and started experimenting with magic. It felt like he had so many secrets that he could barely keep track of who knew what. The one thing he’d always been sure of though, from the very beginning, was that his parents would freak out. His mother about the magic and his father about his sexuality. How his mother would handle the later had always been up in the air, but he supposed he was about to find out. “I’m gay,” he finally said, his voice soft as he tried to keep his emotions in check. He wanted to be calm and composed, not the drama queen she said he was, though he worried at any moment he might be sick. “I’ve been seeing someone and…and it kinda came out. At the dance.”
Brianna knew she ought to at least act surprised, but she didn't have it in her. She wanted to ask why he hadn't told her sooner, but she knew why. It wasn't as if she had been very receptive to anything he spoke to her about lately, and given her reaction to the magic, Brianna couldn't exactly blame him for keeping another secret. And there was James to think about. Still, she wished he had come to her sooner. Exhaling softly, Brianna leaned over and reached for one of his hands to grip in her own. "I'm guessing whatever happened at the dance forced you to come out much sooner than you intended?"
It took everything in Sebastian not to tear up when his mother took his hand, but that one little gesture was so much closer to acceptance than rejection that the wash of emotion was overwhelming. Maybe it was weird that she didn’t seem surprised, but this was so much better than what he’d been expecting that he didn’t care. “The dance was weird,” he said with a frown. “We think someone spiked the punch maybe. Like…like we were all high or something. One of the guys asked who my date was and I just told ‘em, like it was fine. And even once I realized what I’d done, I couldn’t seem to worry about it. It didn’t really hit me till the next day. And by then everyone knew.”
That sounded like something that would happen at a high school dance, especially in this town. Honestly, where were the teachers these days? Weren't they paying any attention to what was going on in the school? Brianna had to remind herself to focus, as getting riled up about spiked punch was the last thing she needed to do right now. "So everyone knows now," Brianna said, studying Bash's face closely. "How are you handling it? Are people treating you okay? No one has given you any trouble, have they?" Maine was a fairly progressive state, but Brianna knew some people could still be assholes, her husband being one of them.
If Sebastian had been thinking about it, he might have realized that telling his mother he'd been drugged at the dance was probably not a good idea, but his mind was stuck on what he considered a bigger issue, outing himself before he was really prepared. He gave a little shrug as he considered her questions, thinking back on the anger and frustration he’d been feeling when he first got home from school. “I’ve just...been...really stressed. A few of the guys are jerks, but most are okay. Kind of stand-off-ish, like they don’t know me anymore, but...but I’m hoping they’ll get over it.” Truthfully, it hurt, but he just had to keep telling himself that the people that had issues with him weren’t worth his time. He couldn’t live his life to make other people happy. “I was more worried about things at home. About you...and dad.”
The protective motherly side of Brianna wanted to go to Sebastian's school and knock those boys upside the head. But she was well aware that that behavior would only make things worse for him. Maybe once she learned enough magic she could just...make all of those boys impotent for the next five years. Her expression softened a touch when Sebastian voiced his concerns about she and James. Brianna knew it wouldn't do anyone any good to pretend like his father would react favorably to the news. But she squeezed his hand gently. "I wish I could tell you I knew how your father would take this... but I don't know. You know how he can be."
Sebastian nodded quietly as he chewed on his bottom lip. He'd been worried about his mother, but it was his father that was his biggest concern. He knew he wasn't going to be happy about it, but it was so hard to tell how far he would take it. There were stories about parents disowning their kids, or trying to force them to be straight, or throwing them out if they didn't adhere to their rules. He'd ruled out the worst of the horror stories, but there was still plenty his father could do to make his life hell, if he really wanted to. At least his mother seemed understanding, which felt like a huge deal in itself, considering how rough things had been between them lately. "You... you're not... you're not upset with me, are you?" he asked, his eyes pleading, unable to hide how vulnerable he felt. "I know I should have told you sooner, but I didn't know how. And the timing just got worse the longer I waited."
Brianna wasn't sure how James would react to the news, but she knew for damn sure that there would be no disowning going on. This was her house, and her family, as much as it was his. Brianna sighed and squeezed his hand. "I'm not upset by the news, I'm only upset that you didn't tell me before it started to get around, but I can understand why you were afraid to." She knew things had been difficult between them lately, but it would have been hypocritical of her to get angry for Sebastian keeping a secret about what he was when Brianna had been keeping her own secrets for so long. "I want you to be happy Sebastian, but I also don't want you get hurt."
“I’m sorry,” Sebastian sighed. “I wanted to tell you, but it felt so big, like I’d been lying for so long that it just-- it was easier to-- to keep pretending things were normal.” Though now he wasn’t really sure what normal was anymore. The last few months felt warped out of control, with one thing after another creating chaos in his life. He didn’t really want to go back to how things were before, but he wasn’t all that fond of how things were now either. It all felt very up in the air. “I am happy though,” he said with a little smile. “The guys’ll either come around or they won’t, so I just have to-- to be patient.” Which really just left his father to worry about.
"Well... if they can't accept you for who you are, then forget them," she said simply, well aware that it wasn't that easy, but it felt like it should be. Sebastian was more handsome and more intelligent than any of the other boys he was friends with. They were lucky to have him as a friend, in her opinion. Brianna knew she shouldn't get indignant on his behalf, but she was his mother so it felt like she had the right to do it anyway. "Do you want me to talk to your father first?" Brianna asked after a moment. "I think it's better if he finds out from one of us before someone at the club, or the gym, mentions it."
“I know,” Sebastian said, smiling softly. “I mean, Greg knows, and Jules, and they’re both cool with it, so…yeah.” It would still hurt to be rejected by anyone, but he knew he wasn’t alone. It wasn’t like he was going to become some outcast. Sebastian swallowed, nodding in agreement with his mother. “Um...do you think it’d be better coming from you?” He asked, not all that sure which way to go with it. He didn’t want his father to think he was being some kind of a pussy, sending his mother in because he was afraid. Even though he was.
Some part of her felt like Sebastian should be the one to tell James, but in the same vein, it also felt like a bad idea. She didn't want to throw her son to the wolves... or wolf, in this case. Maybe she wasn't giving James enough credit. Maybe he would be okay with this. Maybe not straight away, but he wouldn't let it destroy the family. "I think," Brianna said slowly, "that you should tell him. But I can be there with you when you do." She could be a buffer, if it was needed. But for something this big, it would probably mean more for James to hear it from Sebastian.
Sebastian knew she was right, even if he’d have liked to avoid dropping the initial bomb. He knew he’d get the most genuine reaction in that moment and he still wasn’t sure he was prepared for it. “Okay,” he said softly. “I can talk to him. Maybe just…join us if he hear yelling?” He wasn’t sure what he would do if it came to that. A part of him worried that he’d curl up in a ball and start crying, but he knew it was just as likely that he’d start yelling back, and with both of their tempers flaring things could escalate rather quickly.
"Of course." Brianna would be in the same room, or at least right outside of it. She wouldn't abandon her son to that sort of conversation with James. She didn't think James would yell. He was pretty adept at the cool disappointment, but... well, this wasn't something Brianna had been prepared for, so she knew James would be blindsided by it. She looked around the room, vaguely remembering the box of condoms she had found beneath his bed, and Brianna could feel her cheeks turning red from the memory. Obviously, those hadn't been during his time with Jules. Unless the two had been having sex before Sebastian came to the conclusion that he was gay. She didn't want to ask. But there was something she wanted to know. "Can I ask who your boyfriend is?"
He noticed when her cheeks turned red and wondered briefly what she might be thinking, but then she asked about his boyfriend and Sebastian’s attention shifted there instead. It was so nice of her to ask, like she wasn’t entitled to the information, even though she could so easily find out at this point. A part of him wanted to keep it from her, like that might protect Hunter from her judgment, but he wasn’t sure anymore that that was necessary. “Hunter Barrett,” he answered and couldn’t stop himself from smiling a little. Thinking of Hunter always did that to him, made him glow a little. “I don’t think you’ve met him. He just moved here this year, him and Jen.” It was possible she’d met Jen though, since she’d become friends with Phee, and he knew she knew the sheriff.
Barrett. "Grady's son?" Brianna asked, brows raising in surprise. Of course she knew the sheriff, and she knew his kids had come to live with him, but she hadn't paid them much mind beyond Grady's daughter spending the night with Phee. Had she known Grady's son was gay? Maybe. There was so much talk around town on a daily basis that Brianna didn't always retain all of it. "How long have you two been seeing each other?" She wasn't going to bother asking if Phee knew, because Brianna was willing to bet she did. Siblings talked, after all. Brianna used to tell her own brother everything until she had a falling out with her parents.
“Yeah,” Sebastian nodded with a quiet little laugh, thinking back on the one time he’d met Hunter’s dad. Not the worst first impression ever, but definitely not the best. It made him wish for a do-over, but he knew it didn’t really work like that. The best he could hope for was a better second impression, preferably one that didn’t happen right after fooling around. “Since right after Homecoming,” he said, soft smile still in place. “Jules had a party after the dance and I met him there.” It wasn’t their first date, but Sebastian still thought of it as the start of their relationship. Before that, he hadn’t even considered coming out. He hadn’t seen the point.
Homecoming. That was in September, wasn't it? October? It hadn't been that long ago, but long enough that it blew her mind that she could be so oblivious to what was going on in her son's life. Brianna had been so focused on the magic aspect. And Phee, dating Greg Wheeler and asking for birth control... at least she was a little more in tune with her daughter's social life. She just needed to pay more attention. Thinking quickly over the next few days, she knew there was probably no way to get through Thanksgiving without James finding out about Sebastian. Unless he had to be out of town, which... that would be a blessing, wouldn't it? "There's no way your father won't hear about this elsewhere if we don't speak to him soon. Let me find out if he'll be going out of town before Thanksgiving, and we'll go from there."
Sebastian realized that Homecoming was a while ago, long enough that he’d been sneaking around for well over a month. There was a chance that might upset her, leaving her to wonder how often he was where he said he was, but he was hoping that she might be willing to ignore it this time. There was no reason to keep lying to her now, except on the rare occasion that he actually got to spend the night with Hunter. That would always be worth it. “Okay,” he nodded. “Let me know and we’ll… we’ll go talk to him.” It would be easier if his mother was there, but that still didn’t mean he was eager to do it. Sebastian was quiet for a moment, scraping his teeth over his bottom lip, still raw from being nervously chewed all day. “Did you know?” he asked softly. “I’m just… curious.” He was pretty sure his father didn’t have a clue, but his mother was so calm that maybe she’d had an inkling. It was hard to tell.
Brianna offered him a small smile and she nodded once. "Miriam D'Onofrio heard about the dance from some of the other mothers. She told me at the gym this morning, assuming I had already known. But I didn't know before that... I didn't even..." She hadn't had a clue, or even an inkling. It made her feel a bit like a terrible mother, not being able to recognize... recognize what? Her son being gay? It wasn't like it was some sort of neon sign hanging over his head. Brianna sighed and then her smile came easier. "I love you, that's not going to change. I don't want you to be afraid to talk to me about things. I know I haven't made it easy on you over the past few weeks... but we'll work it out. Things will be all right."
He felt awful hearing she’d heard from someone else, had been hoping that if she knew it was only because she’d picked up on some subtle hint. But then he’d been doing everything he could to keep it from her and everyone else, so why should she? The only person who’d had reason to guess was Jules and his mother had never been privy to those kinds of details of their relationship, thank god. Hearing she still loved him though, that meant everything to him, calming his greatest fear in coming out. “I never meant for it to be like this,” he told her. “I wanted to tell you. About everything. But… I’ll try to be better about it.”
"I know." She knew what it was like to keep secrets, how easy it was to justify them when fear was involved. Brianna couldn't say that they would be open and honest with one another from here on out, because life didn't work that way, but she hoped they would at least try. "I know you will," Brianna murmured. She let go of his hand and patted it before getting to her feet. "We'll talk to your father... and everything will be fine." If it wasn't, then they would just have to deal with it. "If you need anything until then, you know where to find me, Sebastian."
‘Try’ was the operative word. There were some things Sebastian just couldn’t tell his mother, but definitely he wanted to get to a place where he wasn’t juggling so many secrets. This was a start, a huge relief, a weight off his shoulders lifted, at least partially. There was still his father to deal with. “Thanks, mom,” Sebastian said with a little smile. This might not have fixed everything between them, but it felt like a hell of a good start.