... (itendsinfire) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2018-11-27 09:09:00 |
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Entry tags: | #november 2017, caius, caius x reagan, reagan |
Who: Caius and Reagan
When: Wednesday, Nov 22nd, late afternoon
Where: Belladonna
Status: Complete
Caius was heartened that a full day had gone by and he hadn’t had an angry James McCarthy storming into his office. That meant that Brianna had likely been keeping her mouth shut as he’d instructed her to do. At least that was what Caius was hoping for. And that she was looking for the grimoire. He knew it would likely be after the holiday before he heard from her again, and while he didn’t want to wait, he also didn’t want to push too hard and arouse suspicion. Waiting was the hardest part.
He’d only committed to a half-day at work, like so many others, and by the time Caius left the office, he felt vaguely satisfied that he was ready for the marina events that coming Saturday. Mostly by virtue of his organizational skills. Christmas season was starting, and that was always his busiest time of year, but he’d found himself kind of distracted and scattered ever since his conversation with Reagan. Caius felt guilty that he wasn’t acting how she wanted him to. He knew she understood his predicament in an intellectual sense, but he wasn’t sure that she really understood it. He didn’t know how to be in a relationship, not a real one. The only ones he could remember were vague and distant and seemed unhealthy, looking back.
Caius was truly attracted to Reagan, there was no doubt about that. And even if he didn’t know how to be everything she wanted and remembered, he could offer something, right? When he left the office he didn’t go straight home, making a stop before he drove to Belladonna. The shop was still open, and Caius was willing to bet that Reagan was there. He picked up the two cups and the little bag from Joyland he’d gotten and climbed out to walk into the store.
Reagan was indeed at work, getting the store prepped for Black Friday, since they would be closed on Thanksgiving. Since the store was empty at the moment, Reagan sent Emma on her break as she marked down the inventory on the floor to make sure all of the numbers added up. The last person she expected to walk through the door was Caius, so she was thrown off a bit when she looked up to see him there. They hadn't spoken since Sunday evening, or rather, Monday morning and Reagan couldn't fathom what he could possibly want. And then she remembered he had an appointment with Brianna McCarthy, and she set her tablet down on the counter, assuming he had some news about the grimoire. "Hi," she said, offering him a faint smile.
Reagan was easy to spot, and Caius got a little jolt in his stomach when he saw her. He smiled back, all too aware that they had left things on a bad note Monday morning. That conversation had been rolling around in his head ever since, and maybe his offer of coffee and cupcakes would be something of an olive branch. “Hey,” he greeted as he approached the counter. Caius tossed a quick glance around -- everything looked good and ready for an upcoming sale. “Looks like you’ve been working hard, thought you might need some sugar and caffeine.” He set the two cups and the little bag down on the counter. It was an unfamiliar awkward feeling for him, not being sure if she would reject the little gift or not. She might still be upset with him, after all. Caius just wasn’t sure how to fix that. Hopefully this would be a start.
Reagan watched him approach, and while the familiarity of his presence prompted a desire to relax and embrace the visit, she couldn't help but feel the tension build between her shoulder blades. He had made it clear where things stood when they parted ways on Monday, so Reagan supposed it was natural to wonder what it was that brought him there. Not that she was complaining. Despite the circumstances, she was happy to see him. As corny as it sounded, it always felt like something was missing inside of her whenever she went more than a day or so without seeing Caius. Reagan eyed the coffee and then finally reached for one of the cups. "You didn't have to do that, but thank you. Did you have an early day today?"
He knew he didn’t have to do it, because he didn’t have to do anything, but Caius felt a bit relieved when Reagan actually took one of the coffees. “I made it an early day, yes,” he answered as he opened the other bag and slid the cupcakes out in their little individual plastic boxes. “I’ve got things prepped as much as they can be for Saturday, more or less, so why not. Chocolate or vanilla?” He nudged the cupcakes forward with his fingers. They both had the same frosting, but he wasn’t sure which kind of cake she preferred. Or how she took her coffee, but he couldn’t bring the whole add-in tray with him, so he’d guessed on that one.
Reagan sipped her coffee and looked down at the cupcakes. She didn't have much of a sweet tooth, but she recognized on some level that this was a peace offering and she didn't want to reject it outright. Besides, Caius wouldn't know her preferences, at least not on a conscious level. "Chocolate," she decided after a moment of contemplation. She pulled the small box toward her, though she didn't open it quite yet. Instead, Reagan brought her gaze up to Caius's, wondering if there was something he wanted from her. It wasn't a fair thought, and she knew that, but he had brought her coffee and cupcakes out of the blue. At least it felt out of the blue. "What are you doing here?" she asked softly, well aware that she might annoy him with the question, but not entirely caring. It wasn't in Reagan's nature to pretend certain things didn't happen, and she had never been one to awkwardly beat around the bush. Caius wouldn't remember that either.
The question did make him feel a bit defensive -- why call him out for not making any effort and then call him out again when he did? -- but Caius tried to let it pass while he took a sip from his own coffee cup. It wasn’t easy for her, he knew that. He didn’t know how to make it easy, none of this was easy, and he still felt how he felt, that she wanted a man back who he hardly even knew. But he recognized that he hadn’t handled any of it well the other night, and he could try to do better at that. “I had some time and I wanted to see you,” he said evenly, meeting her eyes. Caius’s thumb idly rubbed against the edge of the cupcake box she hadn’t chosen, fingers resting on top. Reagan’s rings were still missing, he’d already noticed, and it gave him a weird feeling in his chest, but he couldn’t exactly blame her for it. “That okay?” he asked in a murmur, unsure instead of challenging. Caius knew he was probably going to have to explain his current thinking more, but he didn’t want to launch into all of it if she just wanted him to leave.
Of course Reagan wanted Caius back - all of Caius. But she was well aware that couldn't happen until they restored his memories. She hadn't been expecting Caius to pretend, or go out of his way to make her feel better about all of this. Reagan just wanted some effort on his part to show that he wanted her to be someone more than just an acquaintance he barely knew. Glancing down at the coffee in her hand, she supposed this was maybe part of the effort, though honestly she hadn't expected to see him much at all after Monday morning. But Caius said he wanted to see her, and Reagan believed him. Mostly because she knew damn well Caius rarely did anything he didn't really want to do. "Yes, it's okay," she told him. "I'm glad you're here. I didn't mean for Sunday to go so off the rails."
Even if Reagan had wanted him to pretend, Caius wouldn’t have been any good at it. He wasn’t good at faking things ... suppressing, he could do. He’d been doing that all his life. But trying to manufacture interest or more than a polite distance with people he didn’t know or have any business with or didn’t care for didn’t come easy. He had to charm folks enough at work, he didn’t want to do it in his personal life. And Reagan was part of his personal life, whether he remembered or not. All he could offer her was his current self, and if him doing that was so important to her, then he would try. “I didn’t either,” he said with a bit of relief. “With our, uh ... talk, I mean. I didn’t mean to upset you, and I’m sorry if I did. This all seems really new to me and I obviously don’t know what I’m doing.” Caius offered her a small half-smile.
"I don't expect you to know what you're doing," Reagan said. "And I don't expect you to be my husband in the way you must think I do. But I also don't know what you need from me anymore. Or want from me, if anything." They had been spending some time together, at least. Almost one full day in bed, and the tree lighting ceremony, along with the evenings Caius had come over to speak with her after the curse backfired. Reagan knew things weren't easy for either of them, but she felt like they were stronger together than apart - and she knew their magic worked the same way. It was just difficult to find her footing now and Reagan wasn't used to not being in control of her life.
The line between Caius’s brows deepened for a moment. That didn’t sound like what she’d said the other night, at least not how he remembered it. She’d been the one with expectations, not him. He’d just asked for patience. But they’d both had some time and presumably more sleep, so maybe it was better to start fresh. He took a thoughtful sip of coffee, still fidgeting with the cupcake box. “That’s been hard for me to sort out too,” he said, meeting her eyes again. “I feel like there’s ... so many gaps in what I know in general. How to get to know someone, how to date. The bits I can remember of doing it are all so unclear, it makes me think you must have been on my mind most of the time. But I want to know you, I know I fell in love with you for a reason. That desire just fights with my solitary nature and the desire not to show weakness while I’ve lost my mind. I haven’t known what to want, except to fix this. You were right, I haven’t been focused on building something with you, and I realize I don’t know how. So ... any guidance you care to give would help. This is my start, I guess,” he added, motioning to the coffees and cupcakes. Maybe it wasn’t a great one, but he’d followed the impulse to see Reagan instead of ignoring it like he’d been doing, so it seemed significant.
Reagan listened to what he said and understood most of it. All she could really do is try to imagine what kind of mental state she would be in had the curse attached onto her, instead of Caius. She might have handled it differently than he was now, but she couldn't say for sure because she had a hard time imagining a life devoid of Caius. They had always been such an intricate part of each other's lives that Reagan wasn't entirely sure she knew how to make him want her, or love her. He'd just always had. This was difficult for both of them, but Reagan was trying hard not to let him see how much it was affecting her. There wasn't much he could do about it and just as Caius didn't want to show weakness, Reagan didn't want to either. Maybe that was part of the problem. "It's a good start," she murmured, glancing down at the cupcakes. "And I'm doing what I can. I just need you meet me halfway, and to want to. All you can really do is go with your instincts right now, Caius. We can't force anything, and I don't want you to feel like you have to."
It was nice of her to say so, but Caius didn’t really believe Reagan thought it was a good start. He tried to remind himself that they’d eloped during an indulgent, whirlwind trip to Anguilla -- he’d seen the pictures, still had the reservation emails -- and just bringing her coffee randomly was a huge step down from that. Reagan was used to him loving and doting on her, and now he just ... didn’t know how to do anything. Not that he was going to launch into huge romantic gestures, those would just seem insincere at this point. It was such a hard place to be. “I don’t know what halfway looks like,” he said with a sad little smile. “You’re right, neither of us can force anything, and I don’t want to. I just don’t think my instincts for this kind of thing are very good.” So far he’d mostly wanted to be alone, too caught up in his own broken mind and how to fix it to think about reaching out much. “Do you want to ... go out sometime? Saturday night, maybe? Do something normal?”
At this point Reagan really didn't want to force him into anything. She knew he was attracted to her. Last Wednesday had more or less put that worry to bed, so to speak. But love and true desire went much deeper than sex. Reagan was learning she couldn't make him feel something he didn't feel, as badly as she might want to. She couldn't teach him how to love her either. It would happen, or it wouldn't. All she could do was hope they were able to restore his memories so the other worries would cease. She was already developing a plan for that, if Brianna McCarthy's grimoire was unable to help them. "This is halfway," Reagan said, motioning to the coffee and cupcakes. "Just coming to see me, if that's what you want to do. And if you want to go out Saturday night," she continued, "then I would like to do that too." She wasn't entirely sure what could be construed as normal for them, but she was willing to find out, at least.
It was an interesting problem in a philosophical sense, and Caius had chewed over that too, in all his hours alone with a glass of scotch. Was love just chemistry? Because the two of them had that, their full day in bed had proven that to him. Or was it history? Shared experiences and outlooks, grown over time? Or some combination of the above. Caius suspected that he wasn’t an emotional enough person to fall in love at first sight, and while he was most definitely drawn to Reagan and would have been under any circumstances, he couldn’t say that he loved her. He hardly knew her. So she had a point that he should try to get to know her more. Maybe if they couldn’t fix this, they could build something new. “Excellent,” he said with a relieved sort of smile. Caius cleared his throat and took another swallow of coffee. “I’ll plan something. I’m hoping to have the grimoire by then too, but we can put it all down for a night.”
Reagan had no clue what Caius might plan, but she was willing to find out. This whole situation had been emotionally exhausting and while Reagan was trying to be patient, it was starting to affect her, deep down. This was so different than when they were just split up for one reason or another. Even when they were apart the connection was still there, something for her to cling to until they found their way back to one another. But now that connection was gone and she felt lost. She was sure he did too, just for different reasons. But Reagan had started researching on her own and the plan forming in her mind was dangerous and desperate, but necessary if the grimoire failed them. Speaking of... Reagan lifted a brow, glancing over towards the door in the back to make sure Emma was still on break. "You spoke to Brianna?"
Caius had thought they were alone in the building, so his eyes followed Reagan’s toward the door she glanced at. Nobody was there, and she still asked, so he went ahead, just in a quieter tone. “Yes, she came to see the house yesterday. It all seemed to work, she was agreeable and didn’t ask any questions really,” he told her. “She confirmed that she was going to look for it and not talk to James about it. He hadn’t tried to come kill me yet, so I suppose it’s going well so far.” He gave her a wan smile. Caius was nervous about it, as much as he didn’t want to show it. What would they do if Brianna couldn’t find the grimoire? If it had been destroyed along the way or something? He didn’t know. All he could do was wait until she got back to him.
Well, that was something. It amazed her that Caius was able to pull off planting suggestions in Brianna's mind. Not that she doubted his abilities, but after everything that happened with Sebastian, Reagan supposed she worried that Brianna would be more difficult, or maybe try to cause trouble. It was a relief to find she hadn't, and maybe they would have her grimoire soon. "Hopefully she'll be able to find it," Reagan said. She nearly told him about Abigail Baron's spirit, and the plan she was concocting in case the grimoire failed, but ultimately she decided against it. It was better to let him focus on the grimoire right now. With any luck, they would get it and it would have the answers they needed to fix this. "Did she give you a timetable of when she might start looking? Will we need to nudge her if she takes too long?"
Caius shook his head a bit. “I didn’t feed her specifics, and she didn’t volunteer anything,” he said. Maybe he should have tried to set a deadline, but he was a little concerned about Brianna getting too panicked if she couldn’t find it, and turning to her husband for help. “I just told her I needed it soon. So maybe ... maybe I’ll give it a week? Then try to check in?” He didn’t sound so sure about that timetable, asking for Reagan’s feedback without really asking for it. Having grown up in a magical household, Caius had no frame of reference for how difficult the grimoire might be to find. He knew theirs was safe in his father’s hands, just as it had always been.
Reagan nodded. "That sounds like a plan." She wanted the damn book now, but they couldn't push Brianna without risking someone else finding out about what they were doing. Reagan didn't want anyone discovering Caius's ability, or how he'd used it against another witch. "With any luck, she'll have it to you before then, and without her husband finding out." She sipped her coffee, finding herself intensely curious about what could be in that grimoire, coming from such a powerful family. Or what was once a powerful family. Reagan's lips quirked into a faint smirk. "Let's hope she finds it before she actually puts your house on the market."
“Yeah, let’s hope,” Caius murmured to the first part, taking a sip of his own coffee. He waved away the bit about the house and gave a little shrug. “I can stop that anytime, I’m sure. Or just ... sell it, I dunno.” If this whole mess wasn’t worked out before then -- and that felt like a big ‘if’ now -- then he could get a cheap place in town until it did. He’d been planning on selling the place anyway, and if he remembered Reagan again he had to assume that plan would be back in place. And if not? Well, Caius had been putting some thought into whether he wanted to stay in Point Pleasant at all. “I’ll figure something out, either way,” he added. Deciding where he would be living seemed like thinking too far ahead at this point.
Reagan wanted to tell him to just sell it, but as of right now it didn't feel like she could have much of an opinion on what he did with his home. Her confidence might have been shaken lately, but she was still determined to help Caius get his memories back and then things could get back to normal. One of the spare rooms upstairs had been mostly cleared out, still awaiting his things. Resisting the urge to sigh, Reagan studied Caius, hating that she was missing him and unable to tell him so. "Is there anything I can do while we wait on Brianna?" she asked. "Is there anything you need?"
He shook his head -- Reagan had already helped him a lot, and while he knew that was because she loved him, it still felt unnatural asking for help. Especially from someone who wasn’t his father. Though there wasn’t really anything Caius could think to ask for anyway, it was all a waiting game at this point. He gave Reagan a warm little smile. “Just your company on Saturday night,” he offered, though Caius was careful not to lay it on too thick. He didn’t want to come off as insincere. He just fervently hoped that the two of them having a date wouldn’t make matters worse on Reagan. But that was up to her to decide, he supposed. Caius glanced around the store. “Anything I can do to help out here? Besides getting out of your hair?” he asked lightly.
Reagan laughed softly and looked around. She and Emma were nearly done with preparations for Black Friday, but they still had a bit more to do before they closed up shop for the evening. She doubted he wanted to hang around and work anyway, though it was nice of him to offer, even if he was just being polite. "That would probably be the best way you could help," she admitted. "But I'll see you on Saturday. And give your family my love tomorrow." Reagan nearly added except your father, but she bit back the urge to be bitter. It was going to feel odd, not spending the holiday with Caius, but it wasn't like this would be the first time.
He was probably too late to do any heavy lifting for them or anything, but Caius didn’t mind offering anyway. He wasn’t too surprised at her answer however, and he gave her a little smile at the last part. “I will,” he promised. He wasn’t sure what Reagan’s love would mean to them, since he didn’t know how they’d all gotten along when things were normal, but he was already curious to see their reactions. Caius picked up the untouched cupcake box and his coffee, and gave her a nod. “Hope you have a good holiday,” he said. “Give my regards to your family as well.” Caius had no clue what his relationship with them had been like, that was all too much to think about, but for politeness sake, he would return the sentiment. “And good luck Friday. Hope it’s not too crazy.” He chuckled and turned toward the door.
Caius had always gotten along with her family. For the most part. Reagan knew that things could get tense on occasion, when she and Caius were broken up but they ultimately respected her desire to be with him. Reagan knew that if she mentioned Caius at dinner, her mother would just start asking questions so it was likely she would keep his regards to herself. Aware that they probably wouldn't see each other, or speak, for the next several days - unless Brianna McCarthy came through with that grimoire - Reagan stepped forward and touched Caius's arm with her free hand before she leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek. Sometimes the urge to touch him was a bit too strong to deny. "I'll see you Saturday," she said as she stepped back.
He looked a little surprised when she touched him and moved in closer, and the kiss on the cheek gave him an oddly strong pulling sensation in his chest. Not for the first time, Caius wished he could reciprocate the same level of feelings toward her. Maybe he could get there with time, if this didn’t get fixed, but not remembering ever being in love made it difficult, and he couldn’t fake it. He gave her a soft smile when she moved back, wishing he didn’t have anything in his hands so he could give hers a squeeze. A hug seemed awkward at the moment, and he didn’t want her to think a kiss back was him just placating her or something ... or maybe he was overthinking. “I’ll let you know when I’m picking you up,” he told her, then leaned in to brush a kiss in return against her cheek. “Take care, Reagan.”
She hadn't expected or needed the kiss back but it felt nice anyway, even if there wasn't much emotion behind it. Reagan supposed she should have been used to the feeling by now, that hollowness that came with being near him when he couldn't remember loving her, but she wasn't and she wasn't sure she would ever be. If they couldn't regain his memories, what then? Now wasn't the time to think about that. She had things to do and thankfully those things would occupy her mind for a while. So Reagan nodded and offered him a small smile. "You too." With her coffee in hand, Reagan turned to head back toward the counter and what she had been working on.