mila (listentoteeth) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2018-07-01 21:57:00 |
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Entry tags: | #october 2017, aaron, aaron x mila, mila |
Who: Aaron and Mila
When: Early evening, Monday, October 30
Where: Cooperdale Tunnel/Mila’s home in Seaview
Status: Complete
Warnings: Turns NSFW
It had been a week since she and Aaron had searched the woods for Amelia and found themselves inside of Cooperdale Tunnel. It had been an unsettling experience, one that Mila had been trying to forget about, but it kept surfacing in her mind, especially when she was trying to distract herself. It had woken her up a couple times in the middle of the night, the echo of Mommy? fading in her ears as her eyes adjusted to the darkness of her bedroom. Finally this morning Mila couldn’t take it anymore, and she waited impatiently for Aaron to leave for the bar. He would be gone for awhile at least, and she pulled on her comfortable sneakers and a sweatshirt before heading out toward the woods that lined the back of Seaview. She made sure her phone was in her back pocket, just in case, and started the hike to the railroad tracks. It was a beautiful morning but a little chilly with the trees blocking out most of the sunshine and Mila pulled her hands up into her sweatshirt a bit to keep her hands warm.
She finally came to the train tracks and began to walk along beside them toward the tunnel. Mila was alone this time and acutely aware of her surroundings, the sights and sounds. Birds chirping, squirrels racing up various tree trunks, or jumping from branch to branch. It was probably a bit morbid that Mila kept her eye out for any sign of Amelia’s body. They had searched these woods but… one never knew.
After what felt like an eternity and a day, the tunnel finally came into view and Mila stepped up onto the tracks, walking through some of the weeds and overgrown grass. Her shoes thumped lightly against the wooden rail ties and Mila could feel her heartbeat quicken in her chest the closer to the tunnel she got. It occurred to her in a very vague way that she should have brought someone. Aaron, or Roxy, but she was pretty sure those two people would have told her this was a bad idea. Maybe it was, but the pull was too strong. Mila thought if she just checked it out one more time, she would be able to forget about the voice she and Aaron had heard there the week before. She could forget everything. Her body had healed, so to speak, she wasn’t bleeding anymore and the cramping had subsided. All Mila needed now was to wipe everything out mentally and maybe things would feel normal again.
At the mouth of the tunnel, Mila stopped, wrapping her arms around herself as she stared into the darkness. For a very brief moment she wondered why she was there. What good would this do her? There was no one inside, nothing waiting for her. She should just turn around and walk home. She wanted to. But when her feet started moving, Mila found herself walking into the tunnel. Her breathing felt heavier now, echoing in her ears with every step. Keep walking. The voice in her head was clear and persuasive and Mila was too focused on the darkness ahead of her to realize it wasn’t her own. She just needed to keep walking, and she would find what she was looking for. What was she looking for?
Swallowing hard, Mila dropped her arms to her sides, trying to ignore the rusty ball of dread forming in her stomach. Her legs moved of their own accord, deeper into the tunnel and Mila felt like it was a struggle just to stop them. But she finally paused on the tracks, her breath escaping her in sharp, shallow bursts now. Icy pricks of fear covered her body, making her feel sweaty and uncomfortable.
“Mommy?”
The child like voice startled her and she took a step back, her gaze darting back and forth into the darkness of the tunnel ahead of her. Mila tried to speak but her throat was tight and dry and she licked her lips quickly. “Yes.” The word came out hoarse and cracked, and it echoed through the tunnel. Mila took another step forward, a sense of relief starting to flow through her, because this was what she had been looking for. Before she could move any closer, there was a giggle, high pitched and lacking any real humor. It no longer sounded like a child to her, and the sound of it sent a wave of dread down her spine. Come find me. The voice beckoned her, smooth and dreamlike, hypnotic in a way. Come find me, come find me, come find me.
Yes, she could do that. Mila began to walk again before a sense of clarity slammed into her, bringing her to a full stop. No, she thought suddenly. Aaron had been right. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. Why was she even there? Mila turned immediately and began to run for the mouth of the tunnel leading out into the daylight and sanctuary of the trees. She wasn’t sure if it was fear or something else, but she could feel a presence behind her, gaining ground, close to her feet. She ran harder, fueled by panic and adrenaline, her vision blurry from angry, unshed tears. Just as she made it to the opening of the tunnel, Mila felt the air around her change. It grew dense and bitterly cold and it seemed to engulf her, squeezing her chest until it stole her breath. She tripped and fell onto the tracks, pain blossoming in her knees and hands when they made contact with the rail ties. Mila gasped for breath and just like that, the horrible feeling was gone, leaving her alone on the tracks. There were birds singing somewhere above her, and she could hear voices in the distance. Human voices, some laughing. Mila scanned the trees and in the distance, she could see about four people walking toward the tunnel, two carrying a ladder, another a bucket of what was probably paint. Panting, Mila got to her feet, grimacing at the pain and sight of the tears in the denim of her jeans.
Not wanting to be seen, Mila hurried off of the tracks into the trees opposite of the people heading to the tunnel. She kept moving as quietly as she could, and once she had put enough distance between she and the tunnel, Mila began to run. Eventually she got a stitch in her side and she had to slow down, one hand pressed against her waist. If it seemed to take forever to get to the tunnel, it felt even longer walking home. She felt grimy and sweaty by the time she reached her front door and Mila headed directly for the shower once she was inside, ready to change and throw out the clothes she had been wearing.
For the rest of the day, Mila felt a little off. She couldn’t exactly explain it, but she had slept on and off and then eventually gave up on doing anything productive. Mila was sitting at her tiny kitchen table nursing a beer when she heard Aaron’s truck out front. It occurred to her then that she had put her phone on the coffee table when she got home and hadn’t bothered checking it since. Did she even know what time it was? Mila blinked and glanced at the clock on the stove, her dark brows furrowing together. How long had she been sitting there? How many beers had she had? There were two empty bottles on the kitchen counter. Mila shuddered, feeling cold all of the sudden, though she brought the bottle back up to her lips to have another sip. It had been strange fucking day, to say the least. But Aaron was home now… it would get better.
Aaron couldn’t decide if the uptick in business at the bar was from people who’d really missed their regular watering hole while it was closed down for a week, or if they felt sorry for the Lucas family and wanted to throw them some money, or if they were just nosy assholes. He’d gotten asked more than a few times by customers if they’d heard anything about Amelia. Maybe it shouldn’t matter, because they were still paying for drinks, but it still bothered Aaron. It wasn’t the town’s business ... but it was. He didn’t know.
In either case, he was tired after a pretty long day. Gavin still wasn’t working, and while he and Caden were capable of running the bar themselves, Caden was having to do a lot of the shit Gavin usually did, so more responsibility was falling on Aaron. Not to mention, his middle brother’s fucked up hand was slowing him down and putting him in an ill temper. Miles had come in again to cover the night shift, and Aaron was glad to leave the Porch.
He drove home, stopping off to pick up a pizza on the way. Mila hadn’t answered his texts about dinner, so he figured he would take care of it. Maybe she was napping or something. Everything was tiring lately. He climbed out of the truck wearily and headed up the front steps, pulling his keys out to let himself in. Aaron was a little surprised to see her at the kitchen table when he walked into the house, pizza box in hand. “Hey,” he said with a touch of uncertainty as he locked up behind him.
Mila wrapped both hands around the beer bottle as Aaron walked in, and she was surrounded by the aroma of pizza. Her stomach responded, clenching painfully as she realized she hadn't eaten all day. She hadn't had the appetite for food. Just to sit there and drink and zone out, apparently. "Hey," Mila responded, her gaze shifting from the pizza box to Aaron's face. He looked tired, but that wasn't usual lately. Between their own loss, and Amelia, and his shitty brothers, it was a wonder Aaron ever left the house these days. Still, there was something that felt weirdly dark in the pit of her stomach as she watched him, and Mila couldn't exactly define what it was. "How are things at the bar?" she asked instead, hoping she sounded normal, whatever that was.
Aaron was dumb about a lot of things, but growing up in an abusive household had taught him a lot of instinctual things, like reading the mood of a room. Maybe it was the empty beer bottles, maybe it was the dark shadows under Mila’s eyes, or the slight hollowness in her voice, or a combination of dozens of tiny signals, but he knew something was wrong. Which ... wasn’t entirely surprising, lots of things had been wrong for weeks now. Deep, hurtful things. Maybe she was just having a bad day. Aaron toed out of his shoes and hung his jacket up, then walked into the kitchen to set the pizza down on the table. “Aight,” he answered as he leaned over to kiss the top of Mila’s head. Aaron turned to grab himself a beer, then sat down next to her. “Kinda busy, so that’s somethin’. At least we’re making up some money. ... you okay?”
Money. That was something else Mila supposed she ought to be worrying about. She hadn't worked in a while and she needed to follow up with The Boathouse to see if they would give her an interview. Maybe they'd already called and she just hadn't realized it yet, with her phone being... somewhere. Aaron's question prompted the faintest of smiles from Mila, even though she felt an odd surge of annoyance that he seemed to think something was wrong. Never mind the fact that something was wrong, and it wasn't like her attitude contradicted that. It was just difficult to fake it right now. "I'm okay," Mila said, the words feeling automatic in a sense. "I think I've just been feeling a little off today. I'm not sure why." Maybe deep down she knew why but it was too strange for her to think about. And Mila was betting Aaron wouldn't be thrilled to hear where she had gone that morning. "Did you do all right working with Caden today? No problems?"
Aaron didn’t believe the assurance that she was okay, but he nodded a bit to the rest of it. He was sure that Mila was sure why, but what could really be said about it? They were both heartbroken, grieving, kind of traumatized by what had happened in that tunnel, and talking wouldn’t fix any of those things. Aaron sat back in his chair, lifting his beer to his lips, and shrugged a shoulder. “He’s in pain and mad, so he’s been even pissier than normal, but we didn’t have any big flare-ups or anything,” he said. “Better him be a dick to me than the customers, I guess. Or Gavin, lately.” Aaron reached out to brush the backs of his fingers against Mila’s where she was holding the beer bottle, his gaze assessing as he looked at her face. “We got a lotta reasons to feel off,” he murmured. “Anything I can do for you?”
Mila had the vaguest hope that Roxy was handling Caden okay, and that he wasn't flaring up at the bar because he was taking it out on her at home. She hadn't felt much sympathy for Caden when Aaron told her what happened. She had sort of wished that whoever had torn off his fingers would have torn off his dick instead. It had been a dark thought, but not entirely unusual lately. Mila knew it was unlike her, but everything felt weird and fuzzy lately, so it hadn't worried her much. "He shouldn't be a dick to anyone," Mila said simply. "You don't deserve it anymore than Gavin would." Even with the soft brush of his hand, Mila could feel how warm his skin was against hers. It felt nice, but unfortunately, there was nothing he could do for her. And there was nothing she could do for him. Talking achieved nothing. That sounded so pessimistic in her head, but there was very little optimism going on around her at the moment. It took a moment before Mila realized she hadn't answered him verbally and she blinked, looking over and recognizing some of the concern in his eyes. "There's nothing," she said finally. "I just think... I don't know, I'm ready to stop feeling sad. I want something good again."
None of them deserved to put up with Caden’s bullshit, but they did because they were family. Just like they put up with Gavin’s bullshit and Aaron’s bullshit and Jasper’s bullshit, and Kat’s very occasional bullshit. The only bullshit Aaron had internally vowed to stop taking was his father’s. That asshole was getting a black eye the next time he spoke out of turn to Aaron. Gavin was just extra sensitive right now, and already dealing with so much, so Aaron wanted to shield him from Caden’s bad moods as much as he could. He didn’t bother explaining that in Mila’s silence though, just waited it out with a growing sense of concern and more furrowed eyebrows. “Yeah,” he said quietly after his own pause, running his fingers through his hair with a sigh. “Me too.” Aaron sipped on his beer and tried to think of something good they could do -- they couldn’t go away for a while, the bar needed him. Movies and stuff seemed so trite. Maybe he could buy her something? But money was tight and Mila wasn’t really focused on stuff, so that probably wouldn’t help. Drugs? Aaron nibbled thoughtfully at his bottom lip, staring at the table and trying.
Mila knew that they couldn't go anywhere for awhile. She was so acutely aware of the fact that they were stuck there. Whether because of money, or family or something else, it felt like Point Pleasant was where they had been born and it was where they would die, whenever that might be. Even a short getaway felt out of reach. Not that she necessarily wanted one. Despite what had happened at the tunnel with Aaron, and then to her that morning, there seemed to be something pulling in her chest, tempting her to go back again. Mila didn't mind the silence, and she didn't expect Aaron to say or do anything to make her feel better. She felt herself slipping away again, her mind starting to blank out. Mila blinked quickly, dragging herself back to the present. She exhaled sharply, feeling as though she kept slipping in and out of consciousness, like she did when she was slowly waking up in the morning. Reaching out, Mila took Aaron's hand, slipping her fingers through his and bringing them up to her lips. She needed the physical contact, like clinging to Aaron would somehow keep her grounded and tethered to this room.
It was kind of distressing, not being able to think of anything to help. Aaron wanted so badly to take care of Mila, like he’d intended to do when he thought they were going to have a baby together; that strong desire hadn’t gone away. He knew she was hurting and everything was awful, but he had no idea how to put it all back together. Or at least soothe some of the pain they were both feeling. Mila taking his hand dragged him out of his train of thought, and Aaron scooted his chair closer to her so he could stroke a hand over her hair and gently rub her back with his free hand. “Hey,” he murmured. “You wanna just ... go to bed? Or take a bath or something?” He felt like he wanted to hold onto her too, even if they didn’t talk much.
Did she want to do either of those things? Mila realized she had been sitting at the table for an incredibly long time and while Aaron was home, she still wasn't entirely sure what time it was. She stared at him for a moment, her fingers tightening around his. "Aren't you hungry?" Mila asked, trying to infuse some lightness into her tone. She was aware that it sounded a bit forced, but she was riding a strange line of wanting things to be normal, and just allowing whatever darkness she'd felt earlier engulf her completely. Mila wanted to explain it to Aaron, but she didn't know how, and she wasn't sure he would understand it. "You've had a long day. You should eat something," she added, bringing his hand to her cheek.
Aaron rubbed the back of his thumb against her skin. He had been hungry, hence the pizza, but he wasn’t so sure now. When he wasn’t busy working, keeping himself occupied, it seemed a whole lot easier to remember the pain they were all in. Mila especially, it seemed like. He didn’t want to stuff his face full of pizza while she was feeling bad. “Have you eaten anything?” he asked, giving all of the empty beer bottles an uncertain glance. She didn’t seem drunk, but something did seem actively wrong, and he really wasn’t sure what to do about it. “We can even eat in bed if you want.”
"Um." Mila looked down at the table, as if waiting for some remnants of food to materialize and prove she had eaten at some point that day. But there was nothing but their beers and the new pizza box, so she shook her head and tried to bite back the annoyance she had started to feeling again. "I wasn't very hungry. I don't want to eat in bed, or go to bed... I'm tired of being in bed." Mila let go of Aaron and reached out to flip open the pizza box. "Can we just eat and try to be normal for a bit?" She didn't want to be coddled anymore. Mila felt like the best way for things to get better was to stop wallowing in sadness. It was easier said than done, sure, but she didn't think she could deal feeling like this much longer.
There was something in her tone that made Aaron’s chest feel bad, like he’d done something wrong. “Okay,” he murmured after a beat. He drained what was left in his beer bottle, then stood up to grab another one from the fridge. And a couple of paper towels for them to use as napkins. Aaron plopped back down and grabbed a piece of pizza. It was getting a bit cold, which was something he didn’t usually mind, but tonight it just kind of tasted like greasy sawdust in his mouth. He ate it anyway, because that’s what they were doing. Aaron didn’t try to make conversation though, since he didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t even really sure what ‘being normal’ entailed anymore.
After that first initial bite of pizza that she managed to swallow down, Mila set her piece back in the box and washed it down with the rest of her beer. She hadn't had an appetite, and she wasn't sure she could stomach forcing down any food now. With her beer empty now, Mila sat there while Aaron ate and felt herself zoning out again. It felt like when she was exhausted and couldn't stay awake no matter how hard she tried, except now she wasn't really tired and she could feel herself starting to drift away mentally every time it began to happen. With Aaron there, she was trying hard to stay present and Mila finally found the energy to stand from her chair.
She gathered up the empty beer bottles and carry them to the trash, feeling a little relieved that she could do that much. Maybe she just needed to stay active. Mila turned back toward Aaron and there was that quick, sudden urge to hurt him. It surfaced abruptly, dark and gleeful, and Mila was still mindful enough to be startled by it. What was wrong with her? She knew she wasn't feeling like herself today, but the desire for violence was completely out of character and it had her heart racing in her chest. Mila wondered if she ought to ask Aaron to go home, as not to subject him to whatever this mood was, but... no. No, she wanted him to stay. Mila studied him silently for another brief moment before she reached down to strip off her t-shirt. It had been such a strange day, and she was scared of what she had felt in that tunnel, and what she felt now, but it was getting harder to resist it.
Part of Aaron wanted to fret out loud that Mila only took one bite, because if she hadn’t eaten anything all day, that was definitely not enough, but he kept his mouth shut and just focused on making himself eat. She didn’t seem to have much of anything to say either, and the longer the quiet went on, the more sad he felt inside. He thought about going home too, but he knew that spending the night alone in his own shitty, messy trailer would only be even more depressing. So he ate his pizza and swigged from his beer bottle and got lost in his own thoughts. He glanced up when Mila stood and started clearing stuff away, tossing the crust of his second piece back into the box. He moved to shut it, since they both seemed done. Aaron had been about to stand up when Mila took her shirt off and he froze, just looking at her, not sure how to react to that.
She knew he would be surprised. Maybe confused. The look on his face made her want to start giggling for reasons she couldn't exactly explain, because it wasn't exactly funny, but it was like he had never seen breasts before. Mila dropped her shirt on the kitchen floor and reached up to pull the straps of her bra down her arms before she reached behind her to unclasp it. Her bra fell to the floor with her shirt and Mila began to work on unbuttoning her jeans. Her gaze never left Aaron's. He might say no, but she didn't care. There was a fire starting to burn deep inside of her, and it wasn't entirely a good one. Mila felt like maybe she would start trying to claw out of her skin if she didn't do something, and if she couldn't walk back to that tunnel tonight, she would have to do something else. "I want something good," she said again. "That's you."
Aaron was surprised and confused. Mila hadn’t even really wanted to talk to him since he’d gotten home and now she wanted to fuck? She’d never really been that direct before, especially not right in the kitchen when he hadn’t had a shower or anything. Maybe she was more drunk than she seemed. He watched her undress, a bit dumbfounded until his brain caught up to what she was saying. There was something about it that made his stomach uneasy, but it had been quite a while since they’d last had sex, and maybe Aaron needed something good too. He stood up from the table and advanced on her, reaching back to pull his black t-shirt up and off. Aaron let it drop to the floor and pulled Mila in against him for a hard kiss.
She knew she was rarely this bold, if ever, but she was feeling bold now, and Mila didn't really care if it was tied to the strange mood she had been in all day. Besides, men liked direct women, didn't they? She also knew Aaron was someone who loved sex, and they hadn't been able to do anything together over the past couple of weeks. It felt like everything had been so emotionally heavy that they hadn't even wanted to. But Mila wanted to now, and she ran her hands over his smooth chest as soon his lips crushed against hers. It felt so good to touch him this way and while there was a part of her that wanted to slow down and make this last, Mila was feeling too restless to listen to anything other than what her body wanted. Her hands dropped to his jeans to get them undone, her fingers impatient as they tugged the button apart.
He wanted to hold her tight against him, feel her breasts press into his chest, feel her breathe against him, but Aaron had to make room for Mila to get his jeans open. She’d already undone her own, so he got busy hooking his thumbs into the waistband and pushing them and her underwear down her hips. It had been a surprise and he still wasn’t positive that it was the right thing to do, but hot arousal had sparked up in Aaron. There was an edge of desperation to it on his side -- if this was how she wanted to connect, it was better than silence, better than coldness. And god, did Aaron need her. A flurry of emotions welled up along with the lust, but he had no time or desire to sort them out. He just wanted Mila. Once he’d kick-stepped out of his jeans and Mila had done the same, Aaron bent and grabbed her under the ass to lift her up onto the counter, his lips still hungrily moving over hers.
Honestly, she didn't care if this was the right thing to do or not. She just wanted it and that was enough for her. The rest of their clothes came off quite quickly and Mila groaned into his mouth when he lifted her to the counter. Her arms snaked around his shoulders, her short nails pressing into his skin as she kissed him with a rough sort of desperation she had never felt before. Her lips were starting to feel swollen in the best kind of way and Mila dropped one hand between them to cup his balls. She squeezed them gently, her lips curving into a knowing smile against his mouth as she felt him already hard and ready for her. She was ready for him too. Beyond ready, actually, which should have been startling, given how numb she had been feeling only moments before taking her shirt off. But now she was on fire, hot and throbbing and feeling as though she might go crazy if he wasn't inside of her soon. “I want you to fuck me so bad,” Mila whispered.
It had never been difficult to get Aaron aroused, he was a horny guy by nature, but everything had felt so heavy lately, so sad. He hadn’t been able to even jerk off since the miscarriage, and he hadn’t been in the mood to approach Mila about sex, much less thought she would be interested. She seemed plenty interested now though. It felt a little weird, like something was still off, but Aaron couldn’t care. He just needed to be close to her, to get her approval, give her what she wanted. He let out a soft groan at her words, his cock achingly hard now. He brought one hand around to touch between her legs, and he was a tiny bit surprised at how wet she was. Now wasn’t the time to question it, though. Aaron took hold of his cock and guided himself to the right spot, rubbing the head against Mila’s clit for a second before he pushed inside of her. His breath caught and he cracked his eyes open to look at her, their faces still close. “I love you,” he whispered back as he slowly thrust in deep.
The words nearly disarmed her, nearly pulled her out of whatever strange mood she was in, because hearing Aaron tell her he loved her, and knowing he meant it, was all Mila ever really wanted, and it had made her so happy every time he said it. But she didn't want to feel tender. If she did, she would probably break down again and Mila was so tired of the constant emotional upheaval in her life. She wanted to feel good and desired and she wanted to lose herself in mindless pleasure where she could forget everything, at least for a little while. Moaning, Mila kissed him hard again, her hands sliding around to his back to grip him tight. He felt so good inside of her, so familiar. It was easy to realize then just how much she had missed him, despite the fact that Aaron had been sleeping beside her nearly every night. But she needed more, and she needed it now.
Part of Aaron noted that Mila didn’t say it back, but it seemed unimportant in the moment. Or at least the sort of important he could set aside while he was fucking her. Aaron kissed her back instead, matching the intensity as his hands landed on her hips. He had her on the edge of the counter, and the angle was delicious as he started to thrust. Mila didn’t seem to be in the mood for slow and gentle, and Aaron was on board with that, but he still took a moment to get used to the feeling of being inside of her again. He didn’t want to come too fast, he wanted to give her what she needed from him. So Aaron took a moment to ramp up his thrusts, breathing hard through his nose already, but soon enough he was fucking her with force, rocking his body against hers as he held her in place on the counter.
That was exactly what she wanted from him and Mila clung to him, her arm slipping around the back of his neck. She kissed him as much as she could, but her breathing soon grew shallow and harsh and she needed to break away from his mouth to breathe. With everything that had been going on, Mila needed this. Something carnal and mindless where she didn't have to think about anything, or talk to anyone. She could just feel, whether it was pleasure or pain, she didn't even care. Mila just needed to push through the icy numbness that had plagued her for the past couple of weeks. It didn't take long for her cries to fill the otherwise quiet kitchen and Mila ducked her head to press her face against Aaron's neck. She kissed and nipped at his pulse point, the fingers still pressed against his muscular back curling until her nails dug into hot flesh.
Breathing was good, Aaron guessed, so he didn’t follow her mouth with his. He pressed his forehead against Mila’s, looking briefly at her eyes before he closed his own. He didn’t feel like this would be a good eye-contact fuck. Gritting his teeth, he kept a steady, hard rhythm, focusing on the way her body clung to his cock and how her legs felt, locked around him. He gripped her hips tighter when she tucked her face into his neck, groaning at the feel of her teeth and nails. She wanted it hard and rough, and he wondered if he ought to be even more aggressive to make her happy, but he couldn’t quite summon up that attitude. Aaron felt needy in his own way, hungry for Mila’s focus and love, and if this was the only way he could get it tonight, so be it. Aaron slid his hands further under her ass and lifted her a bit, pulling her to him to make every thrust harder without having to put any more space between them.
Sex with Aaron was always fantastic, no matter what the pace or mood, so she wasn't complaining in the least. But there was always an air of gentleness about him, even when things were intense. It had never bothered her before, because it made her feel loved and weirdly appreciated for some reason. But she just didn't want that tonight. Mila wasn't sure she could fully explain it in words, but she didn't really need to. Aaron was giving her what she wanted and her body sang with pleasure with every hard thrust of his hips against her. "Harder," Mila demanded breathlessly, wanting to still feel him there between her legs later. Some part of her, dulled with exhaustion, knew this wasn't an entirely healthy response to everything she was feeling, but it seemed to be the only way to connect to any emotion that wasn't a sad one.
Harder? A very tired part of Aaron just wanted to stop. To lie down on the floor and sleep for the next couple of weeks, until all of this was somehow better. As though that were possible. This wasn’t the way to fix his own sadness, but maybe that didn’t matter. Jaw clenching, Aaron shifted his stance and his grip on Mila to support her weight even further, slipping his arms under her thighs and lifting her up off the counter altogether. She was holding onto him pretty good, and it wasn’t like she was heavy. The muscles in his back and shoulders working hard, he started to bounce her against his body while he fucked her for all he was worth. It still felt good to him, but in a dulled sort of way, and he had the thought that at least he didn’t have to worry about blowing his load too fast.
Mila forgot everything else as the pleasure began to unravel deep inside of her. Clinging to Aaron, she had no control over the breathy cries escaping her lips, and they grew louder as a dull sort of pain seeped into the intense pleasure she had already been feeling. She knew it was coming, but the force of her orgasm still took her by surprise, stealing her breath as she buried her face against Aaron's neck, a strangled sort of whine forming in her throat as everything shook and throbbed. It was satisfying, and yet... not. Even as her body shivered and the pleasure began to dull, Mila wondered why she had even wanted this. There was a deep sense of disappointment in her chest, and she kept her face pressed against his neck, where she squeezed her eyes shut tight to try and keep the sadness at bay.
The way Mila’s body clenched around him and throbbed hard was intense, and her cry sounded almost pained. Pleasure pulsed through Aaron’s groin, but it still felt kind of faraway somehow. He slowed down out of necessity, his heart pounding hard in his chest and his breathing unsteady. Aaron kept rocking his hips so as not to go completely still inside of her, in attempt to draw her pleasure out. He lowered her weight back onto the counter. He wasn’t sure if she wanted him to stop completely or not, her body was still shivering around him. Aaron slipped his arms around her back to hold her close, working on getting his breath back.
Mila wasn’t sure if she wanted him to stop or not. Of course she wanted him to feel good too, but she wasn’t sure if he was enjoying this. Sex was sex, but they always seemed to connect when they were being intimate and right now Mila felt disconnected. It only added to how heavy everything was starting to feel again, but she wasn’t sure if it was all in her head, or if she was actually picking up on something broken between them. The abrupt shifts in her mood had been happening all day and it was frustrating, not being able to understand or fix it.
Once she felt like she could, Mila lifted her head to look at Aaron. She cupped his face and kissed him. That rough urgency from before had faded, replaced by something gentler, and maybe more apologetic, even though she wasn’t entirely sure what she felt apologetic for. Everything, probably. “I love you,” she murmured against his lips. Hopefully he would believe her because she was doubting everything these days.
Aaron could sense the shift, and it made his throat feel tight for some stupid reason. He couldn’t quite sort out what he was feeling, it was a mixture of lust and need and an aching sadness but also intensely positive feelings toward Mila. All he wanted to do was protect her, help her feel better, be her rock while they got through this. But his own foundation was crumbly, and he didn’t think he was doing a very good job of that. The words made his nose sting, but Aaron did his best to hold back the emotion. He kissed her softly instead, his hands pressing gently against her back. Hard and rough hadn’t been his personal preference tonight, but he hoped he’d given her what she wanted. “I love you too,” he whispered back. “You wanna stop?”
Mila thought she knew what she wanted, but it had been like some other force working inside of her, trying to push those darker emotions to the surface. It hadn't felt right, but nothing had felt right for awhile now. Mila wrapped her legs around Aaron and slid her arms over his shoulders, her fingers brushing through the back of his short hair gently. She nuzzled his nose with her own, trying to work through all of the conflicted, confusing feelings that were churning through her. Aaron still felt hard inside of her and she kissed him softly again, instinctively squeezing around his cock. "I want you to come," Mila murmured. She didn't want Aaron to think she was trying to get pregnant again, because she wasn't. She wasn't even sure where she was in her cycle now that most of the bleeding had stopped from the miscarriage. But she still wanted him to come inside of her for reasons that would probably sound weird if she tried to explain them out loud.
He wasn’t thinking about another possible pregnancy at all -- which was what had gotten them into this situation in the first place. Aaron’s body wanted to come, and the rest of him did too, just ... differently. Mila had softened, she was kissing him and touching him like she usually did, and that was helping. He pressed his lips to hers more firmly, starting to rock his hips again. Aaron kept holding her close, one hand moving up to cup the back of her neck as he deepened the kiss, keeping everything slow and as warm as he could for the moment. He hoped she could be patient through it, even if she wasn’t in the mood for it, because Aaron didn’t think he could get off tonight without that intimacy involved. His head didn’t always have to be in the game, so to speak, but tonight? He needed the connection.
Mila had been feeling impatient and restless before, but it had all cooled inside of her as soon as she had climaxed. It hadn't been as satisfying as she had thought it would be, nor had it been as satisfying as all of the other orgasms Aaron had given her in the past, probably because the intimacy had been missing. Mila had never been a woman who enjoyed random sex lacking emotion, and the emotion she had been feeling with Aaron that night hadn't been the kind of both of them clearly needed. But she was feeling it now and she was in no mood to rush Aaron through anything. She held onto him, kissing him with no sense of urgency now. A small moan formed in her throat, because it still felt good and now it seemed as though she could take the time to really enjoy it.
She’d been making noise before, but this noise seemed different, more like what he was used to from her. An answering groan came out of him as he pulled his mouth away from hers enough to catch a breath, pressing his forehead to hers to keep their faces close. Mila’s body felt so good around his cock now that that bad feeling was fading away. Aaron pushed deep with every thrust, trying to let himself focus on the pleasure now instead of anything else. He just needed to know she was there with him in mind too, enjoying this herself and not just wanting him to use her. “Say you love me again,” he whispered, his movements getting a little faster. “Please.”
She understood why he needed to hear the affirmation of her feelings, and she didn't blame him for it. Mila had needed the same thing over the past week or so, to know he wouldn't abandon her now that he had no real reason to stick around. It might have been wrong of her to doubt him, but his brothers had been pretty adept at getting into her head, even though Aaron had given her no reason to think he didn't want to be with her. "I love you," Mila said again, pressing kisses against his jaw and cheek. One hand fell to his hip, and while she didn't guide him, she held him tight. "I love you. I love you." She could say it all night if he wanted her to, and she hoped he knew she meant it. Mila hadn't been lying when she told him she'd love him since she was a girl, and those feeling had only intensified since.
It was perfect, even though it made the lump in Aaron’s throat feel bigger. Having sadness and yearning all wrapped up in physical pleasure was strange for him, definitely not something he was used to. His emotional self was having growing pains, forcibly deepened by circumstance, but Aaron felt the good things more keenly too. He gave a helpless groan, bowing his head closer to Mila’s shoulder and soaking in the feel of her soft kisses, tingling at her whispered words. He kept thrusting, the pleasure secondary to what his heart was doing, until right as he was about to peak. Aaron’s fingers dug into Mila’s back as he pumped harder and faster into her, everything getting shaky until his breath caught and he pushed in deep. His cock pulsed and throbbed in her warmth, and Aaron squeezed her tight, shuddering with release.
It probably wasn't fair that so much had been thrown at their otherwise young relationship, and Mila was aware that plenty of couples might have just called it quits by now, but Mila wanted all of this to make her relationship with Aaron stronger, to prove to everyone else that they could handle it. It wasn't easy. They were still learning things about one another, and Mila knew this was probably the most serious relationship Aaron had ever had, even if they hadn't been together very long. Things had sort of progressed quickly, and intensely, but he was still there. He hadn't run away, and Mila didn't want to do anything to chase him off, no matter how she might be feeling. Mila held onto Aaron tightly, groaning softly when his movements grew more erratic and he finally tensed against her. Closing her eyes, she rested her cheek against his shoulder, feeling emotionally and physically spent.
Aaron shivered with a few little aftershocks, his arms tightening further around Mila before they loosened. He leaned his head against hers while he caught his breath and let his heart slow down. Emotion was still bubbling in him, but the rush of pleasure-hormones tipped them more toward the positive than negative. He ran his hands slowly over Mila’s back, content to stay right there as long as she wanted. It was the first time they’d ever had sex in the kitchen, he realized distantly. Too bad it hadn’t been under more fun circumstances. Aaron kept his hips pressed close to Mila, wanting to stay inside of her as long as possible as he slowly went soft.
Mila felt rested and comfortable where she was, despite the fact that she was sitting naked on top of her kitchen counter. But the sex and emotional rollercoaster had taken a lot of out her, and Aaron's arms felt safe and secure around her body. She didn't know how much time passed before she lifted her head to finally look at him. "I'm sorry," Mila murmured. "I don't know... what I've been feeling today." Mila couldn't explain it. Or rather, she didn't really want to. It would be too weird to tell him how she had wanted pain and violence, even in brief spurts. That would freak him out and Mila wasn't sure Aaron knew how to handle something like that. "I don't know what got into me, so... I'm sorry," she said again, her hands cupping his face gently.
His first impulse was to tell her not to apologize, because Aaron wasn’t even really sure what had happened. It had just felt kind of bad. But Mila obviously knew more about what was happening in her heart than he did, and if she wanted to say she was sorry ... it made him feel better, honestly. He still shook his head gently as he gazed at her. “It’s okay,” he murmured, rubbing at her back again. “Days like that happen. I just hope you know I’m here for you.” He probably couldn’t fix anything, he hadn’t been able to so far, but Aaron would be there in whatever capacity he could for Mila. And his family, even though they were much less likely to take him up on it. Aaron kissed her gently. “C’mon, let’s get more comfy,” he said then, pulling back and bracing his hands on her to help her down.
She knew Aaron was there for her. She was there for him too. The problem was Mila wasn't sure either of them knew exactly what to do, or say. Eventually things would get better, she knew that. It was just difficult, with the miscarriage and then Amelia going missing so soon after. Mila took his hands to let him help her to the kitchen floor. She would need to get into the bathroom to clean up a bit, but Mila reached down to pick up her t-shirt so she could slip it back on. Before she did, however, Mila looked at Aaron, a pained expression settling on her face. "I went back to the tunnel this morning." She hadn't planned on telling him, but it felt wrong to keep secrets, even if it wasn't that big of one.
Aaron helped her down and made some room for her to pick up her clothes. He didn’t plan on putting any on yet, he was just ready to clean off in the bathroom sink and get into bed. He definitely didn’t expect the words that came out of her mouth. Aaron’s expression was confused at first, then it shifted into pained as well. “No, really?” he murmured first, hoping briefly and illogically that she was fucking with him. Useless worry made his chest feel tight. “Mila, why? That was a really bad place.” He reached to rub his hands over her arms, looking fretful as he searched her eyes. “Did you go in?” If she had, well ... maybe that explained this whole vibe she’d been putting off since he’d gotten home.
She really didn't know why she went. There was some kind of pull she felt to go and Mila didn't know if she could explain it. "I don't know why," Mila said, sounding apologetic but also a touch frustrated. Not with Aaron, but with herself, and the day in general. "I know I shouldn't have gone, but... I felt like I needed to. I went in, but... nothing happened." That was a lie, but how could she describe what she had experienced? What could Aaron do about it anyway? "I've just felt a little off ever since. I think I'm still just a little shaken from what happened the last time we went. I'm sorry."
It was a relief to hear that nothing had happened. Aaron believed her without question, because why would she lie about it? He wrapped his arms around her to pull her into a gentle hug, his cheek on the top of her head. That place scared him, and he definitely didn’t want to to back. He didn’t like that Mila had felt compelled to. “It’s okay,” he murmured, giving her a little squeeze. “It was really fucked up and scary. I keep dreaming about it. But promise me you won’t go back there again, okay? Something could happen the next time, and I don’t want you to get hurt or ... something worse. Okay? Please, Mila.”
"You didn't tell me you were dreaming about it. What kind of dreams are they?" Mila asked, lifting her face to see him better. She couldn't remember most of her dreams. That was probably for the best, considering. But she wasn't sure she could promise that she wouldn't go back. Mila didn't want to, but there was just that feeling that lingered in her chest that maybe she would anyway. Maybe Roxy would go with her, just in case. Mila would feel less guilty lying to Aaron if she had someone tag along.
Aaron looked down at her and gave an uncomfortable little shrug. “Just nightmares,” he murmured, passing a hand over her hair. “Being back there, hearing that voice. Not being able to get away.” He was no stranger to bad dreams; he’d also been having some about the miscarriage. Aaron didn’t think they meant anything, they were just his tired brain trying to cope with something traumatic. No point in telling Mila about them, she had enough to deal with. “You didn’t promise,” he added quietly, studying her eyes. He hadn’t missed the way she’d dodged that.
She didn't like that Aaron was having nightmares, but she supposed trauma lingered, even in dreams. Mila thought about the tunnel that morning, how it had felt like she had run miles just to get out when things began too dark and frightening. It had felt endless, even when she saw the light from the mouth of the tunnel. Her expression softened and Mila sighed softly before giving him a faint smile. "I won't go back," Mila told him. "I don't want you to worry about me, Aaron. Things are getting better. It's just a process, I guess. I think I just need something to occupy my mind."
He gave her another little fretful frown. That didn’t make a lot of sense ot him, but maybe Aaron’s mind didn’t need occupying like most people’s did. “I gotta worry about you, I love you,” he murmured, rubbing her arms again. Like Mila could just stop worrying about him either. It didn’t work that way, in Aaron’s experience. And if she was courting something dark at the tunnel, of course he was going to worry about her even more. He leaned in to kiss her cheek and gave her another hug. “Maybe you oughta find a new job?” he suggested. “It’s somethin’ to do, at least.”
Mila exhaled a breath that might have been a laugh if she had the energy for it. He had a point, because she loved him too and she did worry about him. It was irrational for her to think her problems were somehow inconvenient to Aaron but she had always felt like she needed to deal with things on her own. Having someone consistently there for her was something new that she supposed she was still getting used to. Mila pressed her face against his chest for a moment and then nodded. "I applied at The Boathouse. They might have called, I don't know. I haven't checked my phone since this morning. I just... feel bad now, quitting when I know Gavin probably needs the help. Maybe I should just ask him for my job back."
Aaron was already shaking his head. “Don’t guilt yourself into going back,” he murmured, looking down at her again. The bar did need the staff, but Aaron didn’t want her doing anything that would end up making her uncomfortable. Gavin had deserved to have her quit. Part of Aaron was still angry with him for how he’d handled their whole situation. It was just hard to feel when sympathy and worry over Amelia was such a dominant emotion. Aaron stroked Mila’s hair again. “If The Boathouse didn’t call you today, call them tomorrow and follow up, yeah? If not, maybe somewhere else’ll be hiring.” There were quite a few restaurants in town who might need servers. If not, maybe they could find something completely different for her to do. “‘Til then ... want me to run us a bath or something?”
She would call tomorrow. Tomorrow would be better. And if they weren't hiring her, she would find something else. Maybe something with a steadier paycheck. She could answer phones somewhere, or... something. Mila couldn't wallow forever. She needed money coming in and she couldn't expect Aaron to take care of things. He was right about the bar. Mila would go back out of guilt, but then she would be uneasy and probably still a little angry at Gavin and Caden, and that would make everyone unhappy. "I'll call tomorrow," she murmured. Mila took a deep breath and then managed a small smile for him. "A bath sounds nice though. I can grab us a couple of beers if you want one." Maybe they could just relax in a bath and drink and just talk. She didn't care what about. Frivolous, unimportant things. Anything.
Aaron smiled back at her with a bit of relief that he tried not to make too obvious. She couldn’t force herself to feel better for him, nor could he fix what had gone wrong, but Aaron did just want to see her happy again. He knew it would be a lengthy, up and down process, but as long as they could keep talking about it and being there for each other, he had hope that it would get better. “Yeah, please,” he murmured, and kissed her lips softly again. Aaron pulled away then so he could turn and go get the bathroom set up for them. The tub wasn’t huge, but if they snuggled the right way it ended up pretty comfortable. Maybe the relaxed closeness would help both of them get some better rest tonight and make things feel better in the morning.