alistair (![]() ![]() @ 2018-05-29 15:39:00 |
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Entry tags: | #october 2017, neil |
Who: Neil and Adam
When: Monday, October 23rd, mid-morning-ish?
Where: the library
Status: complete
The day before had stirred some surprise anxiety when Adam got the Amber Alert that a girl had gone missing. He didn’t know her or her family, but he had volunteered to go searching with everyone else in the evening, since not trying didn’t feel like an option, though it was to no avail. It was slightly surreal to be on the other side of it, not that he remembered what it was like to be the one disappearing.
It also brought to mind that Adam wanted to talk to Neil again. He had since running into Jane, though between work and pretzeling his brain around how to approach the Carson situation, he hadn’t found the time to make it to the library, since he wasn’t sure where else he might run into Neil. Jane had seemed nice, from their brief encounter, and he was curious if Neil recalled much about her, as she had seemed to remember him. She had seemed to remember both of them, for that matter, and while Adam hadn’t gotten around to dropping into her apartment to see her art and find out whatever her offbeat memory recovery technique might be, he intended to.
So since he had pulled the later shift at the hospital that day and had the morning free, now seemed a good a time as any to see if Neil was around and had a moment. Adam drove down and found a place to park in the library lot, then headed inside. He went straight to the circulation desk this time, smiling as he caught sight of Neil, even if Neil might not have noticed him yet. “Hey, Neil. How’s it going?” he said in friendly greeting.
Neil turned away from what he was doing on the computer and gave Adam a startled look before smiling faintly. "Adam, hi." God, he had too much on his mind without having to worry about Adam too, not that he didn't like the man but there were some very unpleasant connections there. With the little girl missing he couldn't help but wonder if AIR was back in business and with the weird dreams he'd been having he was worried some strange ability of his was resurfacing. Everything felt like it was coming crashing down and denial was getting harder by the second. "Uhm," he murmured since Adam had actually asked how he was doing. Terrible, stressed, frustrated. "Just fine, all things considered. How about you?"
Adam's smile brightened once Neil looked up at him. He still had that nagging feeling that he knew Neil better than he actually did with any clarity and a distinct sense of weird relief, almost gladness, just to see him. Quite a large part of him wished he could explain it, but since that wasn't done at a whim, he just accepted it for now. "Kind of worried because of the whole missing girl thing. It sucks that it happened and I hope the police find her, but it's hard to believe they will," he said, which was perhaps an over-honest answer to what was traditionally a polite question. Though he had been inquiring genuinely about Neil when he asked.
Neil nodded, frowning softly. "You showed up again, maybe she will too," he said quietly. It was honestly tearing him up. What if AIR really was back in force, taking kids, experimenting. Should Neil be doing something about it? Jane would say yes but he had no power to do anything at all. He had told Adam that most people who went missing didn't come back again but it felt far too harsh to say so when an actual child was missing. Neil might not like children but that didn't mean he wanted them dead. He just wanted them out of his way like he did most people.
“That’s true,” Adam said, his tone dropping to match Neil’s, as he sighed a little. “Hopefully it won’t take years or involve weird amnesia, though. Or anything worse.” It was in Adam’s nature to be optimistic, but it felt kind of hollow to him as he said it. People kept going missing and not turning back up. Why would now be any different than the other unexplained missing people cases? Luck, maybe, but that was impossible to rely upon, since as an adult he looking back, he could recognize his own return without explanation was fairly miraculous. “I went out with one of the search parties, but I wish there was more I could do, you know?”
Neil's brows drew together worriedly and he nodded. God, he knew too much, it was a wonder he hadn't been removed from the equation yet. Maybe the girl hadn't been taken by Them though, maybe it had nothing to do with AIR. He was suddenly overcome with the urge to tell Adam everything, to just let go and give up on trying to keep it all a secret. It was a sharp wave that left him feeling exhausted and without hope and he tried to smother that feeling as best he could. Things were entirely too crazy, he needed to bide his time and see what was happening before he added to the chaos. "I'm sure everyone wishes there was more they could do," he muttered. Not that he'd gone out searching or done a damn thing other than hanging up posters in the library when asked to do so.
The worry in Neil’s expression seemed familiar, as Adam’s own was near the surface. He didn’t know who had kidnaped him all those years ago, but it was hard to not draw a personal parallel, even though realistically it might very well be baseless. The intervening years made it hard to believe it’d be the same … nebulous, unknown, whoever as in the past. One girl missing now was tragic enough, Adam hoped that it wouldn’t become something that came more frequently. He nodded his agreement with Neil. “That’s very true. It’s terrible to feel like there’s nothing that can be done.” Rubbing the back of his neck, Adam felt like he should move on to what was hopefully a better topic. “This is kind of random, but I ran into someone the other week who seemed like she knew me and also you--her name was Jane?” The last intoned as a question; it didn’t seem like the sort of thing Jane would have a reason to lie about it, but there was always a chance the remembering was one-sided. As Adam himself was a case in point.
Neil sighed. A week ago this would have driven him up the wall but today he was honestly too tired to really get worked up about it. He nodded, looking just a touch exasperated. "Yes, I know Jane. What did she tell you?" he asked because it honestly wouldn't surprise him if Adam knew everything by now, whether he realized it was the truth or not. Neil was surprised Jane hadn't come back at him by now after that girl went missing, insisting they storm the castle, so to speak.
“That she went through the same thing I did--the whole disappearing, reappearing, moving away and back thing. It felt like we both knew each other,” Adam said. Similar to how it felt when he had met Neil, but it was entirely possible that was an experience only on Adam’s side and he didn’t want to project too much. “She said she might be able to help me uncover my memories through some kind of technique. We bumped into each other at the market, so she didn’t want to get into specifics and I haven’t had the chance to talk to her about it more yet. It sounded kind of weird? But she seemed cool.” Why did he feel the need to corroborate any of this with Neil? For whatever reason, Adam’s gut told him the feeling of recognition toward Neil and Jane was the same. “Do you remember if she also went to school with us?”
Neil was willing to bet that technique involved Jane meddling with Adam's dreams and he was only surprised she'd offered and not just taken the liberty to do so. She certainly never cared what Neil wanted. "She's two years older than me," he said with a dismissive shrug. "I barely remember her from school." He remembered her very well from the institute but that wasn't a topic he was ready to broach. "Are you sure you even want to remember? It could ruin your life, digging up memories you've buried so deep."
That she was a little older and Neil didn’t remember her would make sense. Adam nodded; he had thought about it a lot over the years and had only inferred ideas for what he might actually uncover. But he felt like he needed to know, had felt that way for a long time now and it was borderline an obsession. “Yeah, I’m sure. Not knowing feels like this weird, looming threat that hasn’t ever gone away. Hell, maybe it’ll just change to something else when I do know, but I need to, even though I can’t imagine it’ll be anything good…” he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, this is probably a lot to get into suddenly.”
Neil looked around with a wary expression, then leaned against the counter to speak more quietly. "What you should do is get far away from here again," he muttered. "It's better if you don't remember and it's even better if you don't remember somewhere else." This would no doubt just lead to more questions but Adam was actually a likeable guy and Neil would legitimately feel bad if he didn't warn him at this point. Jane would drag him into the maelstrom if she could and it was far too late for Neil to try to swim away but this guy... He'd been let go, there was no vendetta against him and he didn't remember. That just meant he had a chance.
Adam's brow furrowed in confusion at Neil's words. He understood what he was saying from a language comprehension standpoint, but he didn't get where at all this was coming from. Given that Neil seemed to want to go for quiet, Adam pitched his own voice to match, leaning a little closer as well. "Why do you say that? Do you--do you know something?" He had believed Neil when he said they probably knew each other from school, but that didn't track to what Neil was saying now. It was weird, but Adam was willing to hear him out. "Are you okay?"
Neil frowned because he couldn't exactly tell Adam what it was that he knew and he thought he'd made that plenty clear already. "What little I know, you don't want to know," he said, his voice still hushed. "This is the only thing I'm telling you right now. Get away from Point Pleasant, get away from Jane, get away from me. You'll be happier for it, trust me." He was being too cryptic and he knew it but it felt dangerous to speak bluntly about these things and the whole point was that Adam was better off not knowing.
Though Adam understood the point Neil was emphasizing--that there was something to know, but that Adam was better off knowing--, he wasn't on board with that plan. "But I do want to know," he said, emphatic, but quiet. "Especially if it's something that's still a threat even now." At least, that's what he was reading into Neil's secrecy. It didn't feel like a big leap, since the whole thing already felt weird. Conspiracy theory weird, as Nate had put it, but Adam didn’t want to necessarily jump onto that conclusion quite yet. “Why don’t you leave?”
That was a damn good question and one Neil had often asked himself. "I did," he said quietly. "I went to college, I was gone for a while." It had felt... strange. Like he didn't belong out there, like there was a glass wall between him and everything around him. He didn't feel a whole lot better in Point Pleasant but at least he felt real. "Do you like being back? Is that it?" Maybe Adam felt the same way and if so, he really was a lost cause.
“I do,” Adam said, immediately and without hesitation. Or at least, Point Pleasant had felt like it was the place he needed to be ever since he had moved back, even though he had spent more years away than living there. Explaining why was impossible to articulate, at least as came to mind in the moment. “Somehow here is where I feel like I should be right now, if that makes any sense at all. What brought you back?” he asked, given Neil’s emphatic declaration that Adam should get away.
"I'm-" Neil started, furrowing his brows as he tried to find a reason that made sense to himself as much as to Adam. "I'm not good with... Unfamiliar places." It was true, he was socially crippled and he had taken a long time to get comfortable at college, never quite surpassing the anxious wreck stage of living in a new place. It didn't make sense if he thought about it too hard though because he was an anxious wreck living in Point Pleasant too. He certainly didn't like that Adam seemed to feel like he had to be here, it sounded like it was too late for him too. "What was it like? Where you lived before?"
Adam considered Neil’s answer. In a way, he could get that. He had only ever permanently lived in two and even if he had spent summers travelling sometimes, he had always gone home to his family. This was his first real move since he was a teenager and did it even count if he were moving back a place? “It was kind of a hippie liberal college town,” he said, with evident fondness. “Bigger than here, but pretty chill and weird in a normal way. A lot fewer missing people. I liked it there and it's where most of my family is, but I always felt restless. Like I couldn't quite settle there, even after nearly fifteen years.” His tone had dropped back to more serious and he sighed. “Is college the only time you've been gone from here?”
Neil nodded and maybe that was pathetic but he was back, for better or worse. "I should have stayed away," he muttered. "But... I couldn't." It didn't make much sense because he hated Point Pleasant, he just happened to hate it a little less than the rest of the world it seemed. "You need answers. I can... I can tell you things, if you promise to leave and not... do anything about it." It was a stupid bargain, if he told Adam a damn thing he would stay and he might join Jane's fight, but Neil had to try. He knew that without answers Adam would just stay in Point Pleasant indefinitely.
The offer Neil made was kind of confusing, since he had previously claimed to not really have prior knowledge, that he and Adam were just some kind of school acquaintances. Not that that ever felt exactly true, deep down, but he had tried to take Neil at his word. “I… I don’t know if I can promise that I’ll leave,” he said slowly, since he wanted to be honest with him. There was the whole thing with Carson and relocating was a somewhat time and money consuming process now that Adam had just finished it. Plus whatever the information was might make him want to stay. “I won’t do anything about it if it’ll put you in a bad spot, though,” he said, since that much was true. He felt oddly… protective toward Neil, not that he could explain from what or why or what he could even do about it.
Neil frowned. Of course Adam wouldn't leave and if he didn't leave then it was folly to tell him anything. It had less to do with what Adam would do and more to do with what might happen to Adam but how did he explain that? "When you end up leaving, I'll come meet you somewhere and I'll tell you things." If he hadn't gone missing by then. "It's not safe to know and stay." He was being cryptic and probably annoying but telling Adam while he was still in town was a recipe for bad things. Neil didn't want to be responsible for that. Maybe Jane would tell him but then hopefully Adam would understand why Neil didn't.
Adam sighed. It was both confusing and frustrating, though more so the former than the latter. Jane had been cryptic, too, but had seemed willing to tell him without showing any particular immediate concern about whether or not he remained in Point Pleasant, as far as Adam could tell. Neil’s concern read as genuine, though, which made Adam inclined toward believing him. “You know, though, and you’re staying,” Adam pointed out, talking through what bits and pieces Neil had told him. “So it’s not safe for you, but you can’t leave. Is there not any way me knowing could help you? Like I could be one more person who’d try to help you.” He assumed Neil probably had other people already, but. The impulse to have Neil’s back arose somewhat unexpectedly, though strongly.
Neil considered making plans to meet him somewhere else and really talk but if this were a story it would mean he was about to go missing or dead. He sighed and shook his head. "I'll think about it," he muttered and it was all he could offer at this moment. "I really need to get back to work. Can we... forget this conversation for now? I will... consider."
Adam nodded, since it was all he could really ask Neil to do. “I should get going, too. Sorry I keep dropping in on you at work,” he said, genuinely apologetic, but he didn’t really know how else to find Neil. “I can give you my number? If you want to talk again, or just to like… hang out or something,” he offered with a small smile, though he wouldn’t be offended if Neil decided against it.
Neil was regretting saying anything because making any sort of plans now felt like a death sentence, like They would come rushing in to put a stop on all contact between them because now they knew Neil had entertained the thought of telling him the truth. "Sure," he said somewhat dismissively, in case anyone was listening. He wouldn't call and that would be that, they'd know he wasn't going to talk.
Adam was oblivious to any change to hesitation on Neil’s part. If he didn’t call or text, Adam would likely keep showing up at the library unless he ran into him elsewhere, since he liked Neil and was, truthfully, worried about him now after some of what he said. It couldn’t hurt to check on him, right? Shouldering his bag, Adam gave a more friendly smile and a small wave. “I’ll see you later, Neil,” he said, turning to head out of the library.