Trust Who: Jade and Sabrina When: Monday, October 16, late morning Where: School, study hall Status complete
With Mak not coming to school today, Sabrina felt kind of flaily and lost. She knew Mak ditching probably had nothing to do with her, since they had been texting and stuff, but she still felt a bit alone, especially after what had happened Friday night. Between her dad’s drunk ass, and Hunter and then Reagan and her boyfriend, or whoever he was, things were just kind of weird and it made concentrating in school pretty difficult. Thankfully Jade was there, and they had study hall together, just before lunch.
When she spotted him at a table, Sabrina made her way over to him and sat. She had texted him on Saturday to tell him everything that happened, and she was grateful that he hadn’t been there. Everything was fucked up, but maybe now they could get back to being normal teenagers, or whatever they were supposed to be.
“Hey,” she greeted, nudging him gently with her elbow. She had homework to do, but she wanted to talk to Jade first. “How are you feeling?”
Jade needed to be doing homework, but somehow his heart wasn’t in it. Maybe it was everything that had been happening lately, some of which Sabrina had filled him in on over the weekend because he hadn’t known, or maybe it was just the vague sense of dissatisfaction he’d been feeling lately. It would be hard to say. At least he’d been able to clean up the salt around his bed, and he’d been sleeping so deeply that it was hard to get up in the mornings. Everything would even out eventually, he thought.
He had his notebooks, books and calculator spread out around him, a pencil in hand, but his gaze was fixed on the window. Lost in thought would be an apt description. He wasn’t paying much attention to his surroundings, and it startled him when Sabrina sat next to him and nudged him. “Hey back,” he said, turning his attention to her. “I’m alright. You?”
“Just fabulous,” Sabrina said, her tone twinged with just a smidge of sarcasm before she sighed and smiled a bit at Jade. “I’m glad you’re here today, at least. You look spacey though. Everything okay?” Given the past couple of weeks for them all, it wasn’t surprising to see Jade looking tired, but Sabrina wanted to make sure that’s all there was. They hadn’t been able to spend a ton of time alone together, so now it was time to start making up for that.
Jade smirked at the sarcasm he heard in her tone; it was nothing less than he would have expected. “A little groggy from catching up on sleep,” he said. “You know how you start to catch up and then you feel really tired?” He lowered his head and scrubbed his fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. School wasn’t an ideal place to talk about much because there was always the chance of being overheard and always somewhere else to rush off to. It was a shame because lately he felt like he might want to talk to Sabrina about some things. She’d be his first, most trusted choice. Too bad they weren’t hanging out in his room at night like they did sometimes. It had been a while, and he wondered if the new girlfriend was some of the reason for that. “A little down, maybe,” he added with a shrug. “It happens.”
She nodded, because she knew exactly how that felt. She was hoping it would pass for all of them soon and things would start to feel normal again. Sabrina rested her head against her palm and studied Jade, her brows raised. “Why are you feeling down?” She was hoping Jade would feel comfortable telling her if he had something going on. Obviously things had been stressful for a few weeks for everyone, but if something was lingering, Sabrina wanted to know about it.
Jade felt mildly uncomfortable talking about him, because she’d definitely had more going on than she had with the whole ‘had to get an exorcism for Hunter’ thing. He hadn’t even known about any of that until well after the fact. “Senioritis?” he suggested, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes and leaving them on the table, since he didn’t wear them all the time anyway. “The prospect of being my own date to Prom? I dunno.” Things could be so much worse and he knew that, but it didn’t stop him from feeling lonely sometimes. Having a secret no one else knew felt strange. “It’ll be all right,” he added.
Sabrina arched a brow and studied him silently for a moment. She didn’t believe it was ‘senioritis’ at all. It sounded like the equivalent to “I’m fine” when things weren’t really fine. The prom comment sort of made sense and she offered him a small smile. “It’s like, seven months until prom. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” She wondered if he was feeling left out, or neglected, now that Sabrina and Mak were a thing. She didn’t want that to be the case, and Sabrina made a mental promise to make more time for Jade. “Is that really it, though? Senioritis should be making you feel happy, not down.”
Everything had been nuts lately and there hadn’t been much time for them to talk. Jade should have known that once Sabrina started digging she wouldn’t give up easily. He wasn’t sure that he wanted her to give up, even though this was a less than ideal place for it. “I dunno,” he said, picking up a pencil to fiddle with. “I don’t do so well with dating.” Not that he ever had. That one random make out session during the New Year’s Eve party he’d gone to had been the closest thing to a date he’d ever had, and look how that had turned out. He turned his head to look at her, lowering his voice automatically. “Sometimes it’s hard to find the words for something you want to say.” That was strange for Jade to say, because words were his specialty.
“You’re preaching to the choir,” Sabrina pointed out. Jade had a way with words. Sabrina so did not. At least Mak had enough patience to put up with her. She studied Jade, one brow raised as she tried to decipher what he was talking about. Dating, finding the words to say. She remembered he had a crush at the beginning of the school year, but hadn’t wanted to tell her who it was. “Is this about what you told me earlier? Liking someone…?” Maybe he would tell her now, if it was on his mind, or if something had actually happened.
Jade had realized that he should tell her. Who best to receive his bomb of information than his best friend? They might not have talked as much as usual lately, but that didn’t negate the friendship. It just sucked that they were having this conversation at school, but it was what it was. “Kind of, but not really,” he said. “It’s not about one specific person.” It wasn’t, necessarily. He’d had a crush on Hunter but clearly that wasn’t going anywhere, not when Hunter thought he was straight and they only talked every once in a while. Shit, he was lame, he thought as he crossed his arms over his middle as if that might offer him some protection. “It’s about the kind of person I like.”
“Oh, the vagueness,” Sabrina said, giving Jade a slightly exasperated look. “Dude, we’ve been friends for how long? You know you can trust me. If you have some weird kink, that’s totally fine, as long as it’s not like… bestiality.” She grinned and kicked his foot lightly under the table with her own. “Just…. Talk to me. It might make you feel better, and you know my lips are zipped.” She could keep a secret, at least. Especially for her best friend.
Jade rolled his eyes. No one could exasperate him like Sabrina, but he also knew there was no one he trusted more, not even Luke. At least, he didn’t feel confident that he could trust Luke with this secret. With a sigh he unfolded his arms from around himself and leaned in, putting one arm around her and speaking into his ear; with his luck, somebody nearby would read his lips if he said it out in the open. “I’m ninety-nine percent sure I’m gay, all right?” he whispered. He instantly flushed red, almost unable to believe he’d finally said it out loud, even in a whisper.
She arched a brow and studied him for a moment, wondering if there was more to it. Yes, coming out was a big thing, but she wasn’t entirely sure why he would have kept it from her. “Okay?” Sabrina said, her voice low. “Why do you look so embarrassed? You know who you’re talking to, right?” And wow, everyone was coming out lately, it seemed. Or maybe just people she knew.
“Because I never said it before,” Jade told her, sitting back slightly and letting his arm drop to his side. “Because I grew up with a dad who used to say gay people weren’t fit to live, and my brother might feel the same way. I dunno.” It was a big deal to him, even if it wasn’t to Sabrina-- and he could see how it might not be, since she was bi and helped to run the S.A.F.E. club-- and he didn’t know how he should be reacting, really. He was feeling kind of hopeless at the moment, wondering if he’d ever reach a place in life where he was comfortable with himself. Maybe that was too much to expect since he was still in high school.
She very nearly pointed out that his father was dead, but then quickly thought back on it. That was probably still painful, even if his dad had been a homophobe. She had only met Luke in passing while hanging out with Jade, but the guy hadn’t come across as a jackass. “Well, your dad was wrong, obviously. And I can’t tell you how your brother will react, but he seemed pretty cool, you know? I’m glad you told me,” Sabrina added softly. “And you know I’ll totally help you if you need anything. Like, if you want me to be there when you tell him, I mean. If you plan on telling him, anyway. Sorry, I just… for me, I didn’t really have to worry about that stuff, because my parents kind of suck. Do you feel any better saying it out loud?”
Jade felt like he and Luke had bonded recently, at least a little. Still, he didn’t feel in any great hurry to tell him. It felt like it needed to be such a deep dark secret; he could only hope that he’d be able to lose that attitude about it one day. “Thanks,” he said when she offered her help. “I knew you wouldn’t pin a scarlet letter on my chest.” Literary humor. Har har, right? “I’ll probably tell him sometime, just… not anytime soon.” He shrugged a shoulder and then paused to think about her question. “I think so,” he said, his smile looking more natural than it had before. “One person besides me knows.” Unless someone else had guessed, but nobody had ever mentioned it to him.
Sabrina nodded, since she had no place to push anyone into telling their family about their sexuality. Hopefully his brother wouldn’t be a jerk about it when it did happen. “One person besides you… and me? Or do you mean me?” Sabrina asked, confused, but with a grin. “Because I’m going to totally freak if I wasn’t the first person you told!” She wouldn’t freak, of course, but she would hope that Jade would know he could tell her anything, even the weird stuff.
“I meant you,” Jade said. “Unless Sophie Tulloch guessed from that one time we made out at a party.” Jade had watched people make out on TV and movies and he knew how it was supposed to be done, and he’d done the things, but underneath there hadn’t been any real enthusiasm. He knew there should have been, had he been straight, so that had gone a long way to clueing him in on his true leanings. He’d never caught wind of any rumors to that effect, so maybe she’d been drunk enough that she hadn’t noticed anything unusual.
She chuckled and shook her head. “Sophie’s not that perceptive,” she said, “so I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” She wouldn’t tell anyone, because it wouldn’t be her place to tell. But she was glad Jade had confided in her finally. A part of her wanted to ask who the person was who he’d had a crush on at the start of the year, but she had a feeling he might clam up then, so she let it go. “So we should plan to do something this weekend, or like, next? We could go to the Orion Friday night and watch whatever scary movie they’ve got playing?”
Jade hadn’t thought she was either, so that was something. Chloe was like the female version of him: sometimes awkward, not that popular. Ordinary. He wasn’t even sure he’d spoken to her this semester at all. “Yeah, let’s do the movies,” he said. “If you don’t have a date or whatever.” He was about 99.9 percent sure that he wouldn’t have one. Friend dates were awesome, though, and it was so wonderfully normal after everything that had gone on.
“I don’t have a date,” Sabrina said with a grin. “Mak and I don’t really… date. We just hang out. But yeah, no, I’m free. You and me can just go and hang out and eat a bunch of popcorn and have some fun. I could use a break from the weird shit, to be honest.” She was sure Jade could say the same, considering he had been just as affected by all of this as they had. “Want to hit up Moxie’s after? Wash down the popcorn taste with some milkshakes?”
“Popcorn and Sugar Babies,” Jade said. “I like how they get caught in your teeth. Sugar rush.” If he was on a date he wouldn’t get them, but best friends didn’t care if you got gunk in your teeth. “And definitely Moxie’s after. Ruby might be working.” He muffled a yawn, wondering if it was nap time yet. “I’m all about getting away from weird shit for a while.” If it was even possible given where they lived, he thought.
"Deal," Sabrina said with a smile. She wasn't super close friends with Ruby, but she liked her all right. As much as Sabrina liked anyone, anyway. "We'll have fun." They would. Sabrina was pretty determined. She just wanted to erase the last couple of weeks and pretend like things were normal again, and the best way to do that was with her best friend.