Who: Mila and Aaron When: Late evening, Tuesday, October 17 Where: Mila’s home, the hospital Warnings: blood, loss, sadness Status: Complete
Things were slowly starting to turn around for Mila. Not that she was experiencing a run of bad luck or anything, but she had felt a bit like she was stuck in limbo over the past week or so, not working and not entirely sure what she was going to do. Talking to Kat had helped a bit, and Mila had gone yesterday to apply for a job at The Boathouse. She hadn’t officially quit the pub yet, but Mila was thinking it was probably best to do so. She wasn’t sure she could work with, or for, Gavin after their conversation, and Mila was guessing Gavin would probably be relieved if she quit anyway. In Mila’s mind, this was an opportunity for her, since the tips at The Boathouse would be much better than at the bar, especially once her pregnancy started showing.
She was feeling much better about her situation, especially since Aaron was around to eagerly help. She couldn’t really remember the last time he’d slept at home, and Mila had to admit that his constant presence in her house was a nice one. They were curled up together on the couch now, watching a movie on Netflix, though Mila was dozing against his chest and not paying much attention to anything. It was the sharp cramp in her abdomen that woke her. An uncomfortable heat that seemed to spread, reminding her of the first couple of days of her period. Mila shifted a bit against Aaron, grimacing before she opened her eyes. She had read online that cramps were normal at the beginning. It was when they were painful and followed by blood that she would need to worry. Mila felt her chest tighten with anxiety as she quickly stood up from the couch and headed for the bathroom down the hall.
Flipping on the light, she tugged her pajama bottoms down, sucking in a harsh breath when she saw her panties stained with a few drops of blood. “Aaron,” she said, panic evident in her voice. “I need to go to the hospital.” She didn’t care that her doctor hadn’t seen her yet, or that she wasn’t that far along. Blood was blood and she didn’t feel right. “Right now.”
Neither of his brothers had given him any more shit about the baby, and Aaron was grateful for that beyond words. Unlike Gavin and Caden, he didn’t like to fight, especially with family. He would do it and stand up for himself, but it tore his stomach all up. Hadn’t they all had enough conflict in their lives? Jesus. But they’d left him alone about it. Really, they’d been leaving him alone about pretty much everything except work stuff, which was good on one hand but kind of lonely and disheartening on the other. Aaron loved his brothers, and he wanted to be close to them, and now it really felt like he wasn’t.
He was close to Mila though, and that was amazing. Aaron hadn’t quite abandoned his own house, but it just made more sense to stay with her most of the time. And he hadn’t had a single night so far that he didn’t want to spend alone. Chilling so much with any other girlfriend would’ve had him bored and restless by now, probably, but it felt so comfortable and right with Mila.
He’d been in a light doze himself when Mila got up abruptly, but Aaron didn’t think much of it. Didn’t pregnant women have to pee all the time? Her voice woke him up in a hurry though, and Aaron scrambled up off the couch at the word ‘hospital.’ He rushed to the bathroom doorway, a ‘what’s wrong’ dying on his lips as he saw that her pants were pulled down. Aaron’s heart gave a cold squeeze when he saw why, and he hurried to the bedroom to grab his jeans. “Are you hurting? What is it?” he asked while he moved, not wanting to waste time, but he couldn’t help the questions.
Mila fumbled a bit under the cabinet until she found one of her panty liners. She opened it with shaking fingers and once she had it put on, Mila pulled up her pajama bottoms, not caring about getting properly dressed. All she could do was shove her feet into her sneakers and grab her purse and jacket. She was telling herself that everything was fine, and a little bit of blood probably meant nothing, but her heart was pounding so uncomfortably in her chest that it was hard to breathe. "I woke up with cramps," she told Aaron. "It didn't feel right. I just... need to make sure it's okay." She honestly didn't even care if she spent two hundred bucks in the ER, it would be worth it to ease her mind. Mila felt another cramp spread painfully across her abdomen and she sucked in a sharp breath, placing her hand against her stomach. That one hurt considerably worse than the last one and she could feel the blood starting to soak into her panty liner. Tears sprung in her eyes and she looked up at Aaron who was coming toward her. "I think I'm losing it," she managed, a sob catching in her throat.
There was no question in Aaron’s mind that they needed to go to the hospital. Even if there hadn’t been blood, if Mila had just felt Not Right, he would’ve wanted to go. Their baby was worth whatever cost. He tugged his jeans on while Mila got ready too, then tugged his boots on without lacing them. Aaron grabbed his keys and went to Mila, his own throat closing up with fear at those words. He cupped her face and quickly kissed her forehead. “It’s gonna be okay,” he told her. Of course he couldn't know that, but it was the best thing Aaron could think to say. He pulled the door open so they could hurry out to the truck, unlocking the passenger side and offering Mila a hand inside. They just had to get to the hospital and the doctors would take care of everything, right? Right.
It probably wasn't going to be okay, but Mila nodded anyway, thankful for his optimism, even if she knew better. She got into the truck and considered texting Roxy, but ultimately she left her phone in her purse, not wanting to worry anyone until she knew what they were dealing with. Her thighs felt a bit wet, and Mila refused to look, not wanting to see her pajama pants staining with blood. She thought she should have put in a tampon, but what if that hurt her somehow? Mila said nothing on the drive, but kept her eyes shut as she breathed through some of the more painful cramps. They were no worse than a very bad menstrual day, but every single one tore through her, driving home the fear that she had lost the baby.
When they got to the ER, Mila let Aaron help her out of the truck. She felt sick to her stomach, and a little numb, like she was trying to brace herself for bad news. "I'm really sorry," she murmured to Aaron as they got to the front door. Why she was apologizing, she didn't know, but all of this felt bad and like it was her fault.
Aaron drove fast, but tried not to drive crazy, or jostle Mila around too much. That probably wouldn’t help whatever was going on, but he still didn’t like that she was in pain. Once they arrived, he parked as close to the door as he could get and helped her down, then started guiding her toward the door, arm still around her. “Sshh, don’t say that, nothin’ to be sorry for,” he murmured back. His own heart was pounding and his nerves were running high, but he had to be there to support Mila, she was priority. “Can we get some help over here?” he called as they walked in through the ER doors.
A nurse got up and came around her desk to help Mila and Mila quickly explained the problem. Pregnant. Bleeding. Cramps. The nurse didn't give anything away in her expression, but she was calm as she led Mila toward one of the halls. The waiting room didn't look terribly busy but for a few people, none of which looked like they were in too much pain so Mila was thankful for not having to wait. She didn't want to be sitting there in the ER bleeding everywhere. The nurse helped her get cleaned up while asking questions and writing down the answers, though Mila figured they just needed to know where to send the bill.
Mila sat on the hospital bed while the nurse scribbled down notes. Finally she rolled up Mila's sleeve. "I'm going to draw some blood to check your hCG levels. But a doctor will be in to see you as soon as possible if he determines you need a scan," she said, giving them both a small smile. Mila looked over at Aaron, wishing she could think of someway to comfort him, but she had no idea what to say. She still reached out for him with her free hand, wanting him to stay close. Once the nurse had taken enough blood, she slipped a band aid on the inner part of Mila's arm and pulled her sleeve back down. "He'll be in as soon as he can," she promised before taking the vial of blood and slipping out of the room. Mila sighed and closed her eyes. "I'm so tired," she murmured.
Aaron was just trying to do his best to stay calm himself. Mila was in the hands of professionals now, and while that should’ve been reassuring, it kind of wasn’t. He felt kind of cold and shaky and scared, but he was keeping it under wraps as best he could. It was just ... it had been a lot of blood, and he’d been in the room while Mila cleaned up, and he had no idea what he was going to do if they were actually losing the baby. He took Mila’s hand the second she reached for him, coming in close to wrap an arm around her while the nurse took her blood. Once that was done and they were alone, he pulled her closer against his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. There was a lump in his throat that refused to go in either direction. “I bet,” he murmured, stroking his thumb against her back. Aaron took her hand with his free one. “You wanna lie down until the doctor comes?”
Mila shook her head against Aaron's chest. "Just want to stay here," she murmured. She felt better with his arms around her than she would stretched out on a hospital bed. She was still cramping, but it felt like every other part of her body had gone numb. There was a desire to apologize to Aaron again, but she knew that would be a silly thing to do, and he wouldn't want to hear it anyway. Mila had no idea how long it took before the doctor came into the room, but it felt like years.
"Mila," he said with a small smile once Mila pulled away from Aaron's embrace. He shut the door quietly and she was glad he didn't try to shake her hand. "Dr. Rosen. We ran your blood test, and while there was still hCG present, the numbers were unfortunately too low to sustain a viable pregnancy." He looked sympathetic, but in the way that doctors probably felt like they needed to when they were giving bad news. Sympathetic, but still detached from actual human emotion. Mila couldn't really blame him for it, and she bit down into her tongue hard to keep from crying as she nodded along, even though her chest felt like it had become unbearably tight. Dr. Rosen reached out to rub her arm gently as he continued, glancing occasionally at Aaron. "Any remaining tissue should pass within two weeks. If you're still bleeding after that period of time, you need to get with your OB to prescribe you the proper medication to help release the rest of the tissue. I'm terribly sorry."
While he held her and they waited, Aaron closed his eyes and silently prayed, but it was apparently too late. He listened to the doctor -- Aaron had no idea what hCG was, but he understood the gist of it. Mila wasn’t pregnant anymore. He’d known that miscarriages happened, and they tended to happen early when they did, and they’d still been in the danger zone or whatever, but the news still felt like a punch in the gut. Aaron kept his arm around Mila while the doctor talked and referred to their baby as ‘tissue,’ which really rubbed him the wrong way. He knew that was medical speak and it wasn’t really a baby anymore, and maybe never had been. But it was hard to immediately adjust the way he’d been thinking about it for the past few weeks. Aaron’s nose stung and his eyes got watery, but he tried to swallow it all down. Mila was going to need him.
Mila felt a surge of bitterness, because of course she would have to bleed and cramp and feel like shit, knowing it was just her uterus washing away any remnants of her pregnancy. She had no idea what to say to the doctor. She didn't want to thank him, so Mila merely nodded again, hoping he would just leave. Instead he mentioned something about the nurse coming back in so she could sign a couple of papers before she could leave, and then mercifully, he was gone. Mila brushed her fingers under her eyes impatiently. There were a dozen different 'well, at least' excuses going on in her head. At least she hadn't told her parents yet, at least she hadn't gotten a real ultrasound, at least Aaron's family would be pleased... Mila began to cry again, turning to press her face back into Aaron's shirt because she didn't really want to look at him and see the disappointment in his face. So she just held onto him for a few minutes, hoping to be at that point where she was just so emotionally spent that she couldn't feel anything.
Aaron turned his body so he was facing her more while he stood at the side of the exam table, and slipped both arms around Mila. He held onto her, gentle but firm, his cheek resting against her hair, only moving one hand every so often to wipe his own tears away as he quietly cried with her. He thought of the people he’d told already, and how he would have to go back and tell them nevermind. He thought of how Gavin and Caden would probably see it as a good thing, a godsend. Aaron wanted to punch them both, in a surge of anger that dissipated just as quickly as it arrived. The ‘we can try again’ thought crossed his mind, but it felt way too soon to say that, so Aaron put a mental pin in it. He wished the stupid nurse didn’t need anything so he could just take his girlfriend home and be with her. “I love you,” he murmured to her at some point, pressing another kiss against her head. Aaron didn’t know what else to say.
It was awful, and yet comforting too, to have Aaron crying. She knew he was trying to be quiet, but she could feel it shaking in his chest. Mila knew it wasn't her fault - she couldn't have stopped it from happening, right? - but she still felt responsible. What was wrong with her? Mila held onto Aaron tightly, hoping that he didn't care how wet his t-shirt had gotten from her face. "I love you too," she said quietly, pulling back to wipe at her eyes just as the nurse returned. Mila filled out the proper forms and signed her name before listening numbly to the nurse's instructions about getting rest and not pushing herself, blah, blah, blah. It wasn't like putting her feet up was going to make this any better. Finally they were able to leave and Mila let Aaron help her down from the bed before she picked up her purse from the nearby chair so they could walk out.
"I can't wait to get home and throw these pajamas away," she murmured, taking Aaron's hand to cling to as they headed through the hospital to the exit.
Mila could’ve soaked his entire shirt and Aaron wouldn’t have cared. If that was what she needed to do, he would be right there to absorb her tears anytime. He gave her a little space to do what the nurse was asking, but not much, feeling like he needed to stay as close to her as possible, like he could block the grief with his body. Aaron didn’t know what else to say or do, he’d never dealt with anything like this before, and God, his chest was hurting with sadness already. Everything he’d hoped for and thought about in regard to this baby was gone now, just like that.
Aaron just nodded to what she said as they walked out of the hospital and back toward his truck. He opened the door for her and kept hold of her hand as she climbed inside. Once he was back in the driver’s seat, Aaron looked over at her lovely, puffy face. “Do you want me to stop anywhere?” he asked quietly as he turned the engine over. “Get you some painkillers? Or ice cream or something?” He knew it wasn’t like a normal period, but those were the only uterus-related remedies he knew.
Mila shook her head. "I'm okay. I have pain meds at home." Ibuprofen could do, right? That's what she usually took when she had cramps. There was ice cream in the freezer too, but she wasn't hungry. All she really wanted was to change and go to sleep. Maybe she would wake up in the morning and realize this had just been a nightmare. Mila licked her lips. They still tasted salty from where she'd cried. "Do you need anything? If you want to stop somewhere, we can." He was upset too, and this was as much his loss as it was hers. Mila didn't want him to feel like he couldn't grieve with her.
“Naw,” Aaron murmured, shaking his head a little. He didn’t want anything either, except to take care of Mila. He felt a little numb now, that same surreal this-is-all-just-a-bad-dream feeling hovering over him. Mila being pregnant had felt like one kind of dream, this felt like another. Or maybe it was just reality crashing back down. Maybe this was God’s way of telling him that his brothers were right, he wasn’t suited to fatherhood. Maybe if Mila had gotten pregnant by somebody else, this wouldn’t have happened. Maybe his Lucas genes were just no good. All of that was probably irrational to think, but that didn’t stop the thoughts. Aaron was silent as he drove them back home, his gaze and his mind far away.
As much as Mila didn't want to talk, the silence was a bit difficult to bear. She couldn't help but wonder if Aaron blamed her, if he was disappointed in her. Deep down she knew that was probably silly of her, and just her grief playing with her mind, but she also knew people didn't always think rationally. Sometimes it helped to blame someone for something that was out of their control. Mila knew how unfair that was, but again, irrational thinking could not always be helped. She stared out the window on their way back to her home, wondering what this meant, if anything. They would have to tell people. Would Aaron regret telling her he loved her? She didn't really know what to say, or do. Everything felt sort of tied up into the fact that they were having a kid together, and now they weren't. Mila closed her eyes and exhaled softly, not wanting to think about any of that right now. She really did just want to sleep and deal with everything tomorrow.
Unaware that Mila could even entertain the idea that he blamed her, Aaron just took them home. It made even less sense to blame himself, but part of him was. It was just another thing he’d screwed up somehow. He was not looking forward to Gavin and Caden being smug and relieved about it, but Aaron couldn’t muster up any anger yet. His chest just felt too hollow. He parked the truck and got out, coming around to the passenger side to help Mila out again. Maybe she didn’t need it, but he wanted to. Aaron pulled her in close for another gentle hug, one hand stroking over her hair. “M’so sorry,” he murmured. She would probably dismiss it, but if it hadn’t been for Aaron and his dick, she wouldn’t have been pregnant in the first place, so it made a certain kind of sense in his head. Plus he was sorry that it had happened in general.
She did want to tell him he had nothing to be sorry for, that this wasn't his fault, but Mia also understood he was sorry it happened at all. So was she. It was easy to hold onto him for a bit, pressing her forehead against his chest as she took a couple deep breaths of the cool air. It sort of felt like she could just fall asleep standing there with Aaron, which told her she probably needed to get moving. She needed to change, take some Ibuprofen and try to get some sleep. Sooner than later, before she started crying again. Sighing, Mila opened her eyes and lifted her face so she could press a kiss to his lips. "I'm sorry too," Mila told him, feeling her throat start to close up with emotion again. She cleared her throat and blinked. "I don't really know what to say right now."
Aaron was good with just standing there and holding her for a while in the cooler night air around them, for as long as she wanted. He hated feeling helpless; he was pretty familiar with the sensation, but not usually about something this important. This heartbreaking. He kissed her softly back, one hand smoothing over her hair again. “You don’t gotta say anything,” he murmured. Aaron kissed her one more time, then let her go to take her hand. “C’mon, let’s get you comfortable.” He could do that, at least. Get her some painkillers and water and anything else she might need. Then he could hold her while she slept, if she wanted him to. Aaron found that they hadn’t even thought to lock the door when they left. Oh well. He headed for the bathroom to find Mila’s Ibuprofen and get her a glass of water.
Mila went into her bedroom and changed out of her pajamas into cleaner ones, tossing the stained clothes into the corner of her room to throw away in the morning. She didn't want to ever see them again. Climbing into bed, she stretched out, her hand resting on her aching abdomen. The urge to cry again welled up inside of her and she clenched her eyes shut to keep the tears at bay. When she heard Aaron coming, Mila opened her eyes and inhaled deeply to try and settle herself. She sat up to take the ibuprofen and water with a murmured 'thanks'. She took the meds and drank some water before placing the glass on the nightstand before waiting for Aaron to join her so she could curl up beside him. "Tomorrow is really going to suck," she murmured, laying back on her pillows again.
Aaron had turned off all the lights and the TV they’d left on and everything, more than ready to go to bed himself. He wasn’t sure that he would be able to sleep, but his body was getting kind of achey with stress, and he wanted to just stretch out and be still. He stripped down to his boxers while Mila took the painkillers, then slipped into bed next to her. Aaron shifted in close, but tried not to immediately smother her like he kind of wanted to. It seemed safer to let Mila decide how much affection she wanted. “Yeah,” he said softly back. “I’m gonna stay home with you.” The last thing he wanted to do was go to the bar and look at his stupid brothers, with everything feeling so raw.
Mila scooted up next to Aaron, wanting to feel him pressed against her as much as her body seemed comfortable with. It was instinctual to want to protest Aaron staying home from work tomorrow, but she wanted him to be there with her, so Mila fought back the urge. "Okay," she murmured, slipping her arm around Aaron and closing her eyes. She didn't really want to be coddled or babied or anything, but just having him there would help, she was sure. "Thank you," Mila added, because she wasn't entirely sure how to express her appreciation for him in that moment. Her mind was too fuzzy and her body too tired to do much more than lay there numbly.
Aaron didn’t know how he would be feeling the next day for sure, so he was aware that he might need the time himself. He didn’t need to be breaking down in tears while he was trying to tend bar or clean or something. Nor did he want to do it in front of either of his brothers. Nor did he want to fly off the handle and fight with one of them, which was equally possible. Aaron slipped his arm around Mila, settling in comfortably with her, and kissed her forehead. “You’re welcome,” he whispered, even though it was for him too. Aaron gave her a gentle squeeze. He didn’t try to say anything else, because what was there to say? All he could do was be there.